Analysis of The Equestrian Convict by DarkSparkle

The story is a one off chapter, barely linked to the first two. The main characters are Molly, Bellucio, and [MC-spoiler] Icelos [MC-spoiler]. The story follows the typical three-act structure.

Act 1
Molly experiences a lucid dream, in which she is entering college and Bellucio, now a senior, is showing her about. As they walk in the park, he admits that he's always noticed her and invites her to a date. The scene is interrupted by a bleeding Danny, who appears out of nowhere with warnings he's being chased. Molly then wakes up and sneaks to the dorm of her brother, where Loki is busy playing a board game to notice. After a brief conversation a wild Portal appears and swallows Bellucio. Seeking advice from Eric and Bellucio, Molly goes through the portal and enters Equestria, where her brother is held prisoner for high treason.

Act 2
Molly and Bellucio discover that someone has been attacking ponies in their sleep. Convincing Luna they mean no Equestria no harm, they are given a chance to prove Danny's innocence. Following a set of clues, and Molly's newly found dreamwalking ability, they set a trap only to find out that it's Luna who's been attacking her ponies. Defeated by her in a dream encounter, they are branded trailers and thrown in the dungeon, where they meet Icelos—a human dream deity who revealed that Luna is not herself, but the third-reality version of herself (the others being Filly Luna and Nightmare Moon). They then decide to join forces to save her and Danny.

Act 3
Icelos teaches Molly enough dreamwalking to send a message to Megan. Meanwhile, Bellucio tricks the guards to approach, and frees them all. Taking refuge at an arcade club, Icelos performs a ritual, linking Molly to himself, so she can save his power as they prepare for the coming battle. Luna-3 manages to find them and engages in a mix battle (taking place simultaneously in the real and dream world). Molly, is nearly defeated, but then Megan appears and, after some tense moments, manages to use the shatterstone on Luna, making her whole again and ending the dream attacks.

Epilogue
Danny's status as Friend of Equestria is restored, Bellucio is given a new custom made suit, and Megan is given a scroll to teach her how to use the shatterstone better. Molly says goodbye to Icelos, uttering the spoiler phrase, then joins the other humans through the portal to Earth. Bellucio tells Celestia to thank Icelos, when he discovers that there never was a third prisoner with them.

Score 6/10

DarkSparkle

That was the most boring, spoilers review I've ever seen (and I work in city administration!) Dark, you deserve a medal. I'd rather read ten screens of PrinceEric's enthusiastic ramblings than go through that again. :/ I honestly can taste chalk in my mouth! That's how bad it is!

Don't cry, but you're really bad at this! Like really! Which is a shame, because you can spot things, and you a promising writer (from what I've seen). Usually, I'd say "next time add some emotion" but I really hope there's no next time and you focus your efforts on that butt fic instead.

MixaMax

Yeap. Here's some prime crap right here. :/

CEOWitch

@DarkSparkle: I liked it! Much more well written than mine! You're really good! The only thing I don't agree with is the score.

For me this was just as good as the first two chapters. There were less characters and the action scenes weren't that well written, but it had plenty of intrigue and mystery. Plus we got to understand a lot about the shatterstone, and possibly the other ever-stones. It's also interesting that Molly really got to dreamwalk. Maybe she'll develop that to full dreamscaping?

And Icelos... wow! I know he was from the original series, but disappearing like that was mega spooky! And I still have no idea if he's bad or evil! Maybe he's the Everprince? Or at least one of his segments (as it seems many things are shattered in multiple realities)?

I can't wait fro the next scroll! Why does next week have to be so far off!? *cries*

PrinceEric

Yea, you girls! Reviews are difficult, and DarkSparkle did a great job! She's one of the only two reviews of the site!

@DarkSparkle: maybe you and PrinceEric could write reviews together? I'm sure they'll be great.

Twist

@Twist: Shipping DarkSparke and PrinceEric? Hmm. Nope, can't see it.

Brush

@Twist: sorry, but I call them as I see them, and that review was bad. Sure, maybe it was closer to what a review should be like, but I 100% agree with Max that reading it felt like eating chalk. I'm sure there are many things DarkSparkle is great at, but this isn't one.

CEOWitch

Harsh, mare. :/ Deserved! But harsh. That's why I don't write reviews. I'm really bad at it. Plus, I'll fuck things up a lot probably.

@PrinceEric: you're bad and evil, baby ;P

RRBB

What the heck?!? DarkSparkle deleted her account?!?

@LyraHands, @CodeFilly, @The TechNightling: can you track her or something? I feel like a jerk. I definitely didn't want to get her to quit or anything :((( I feel like crap and want to apologize to her.

MixaMax

Already dealing with it. Maybe you should have a bit nicer, MixaMax. I warned you this might happen.

Lyra and Code and off to the Crystal Empire and I don't know if they'll have access until evening.

The TechNightling

@DarkSparkle: No :( Don't go!

SweetStuff

I think I know who they might be in real life. Leave it to me. I'll try to get them back. In the meantime, maybe this should be a lesson to you all? I know that none of you acted with ill intent, but maybe cool your criticism a bit? Especially when you're talking with somepony you don't know that well?

Luna

What Luna said! :/

I know DarkSaprkle and will talk with her about this at lunch. Let's hope she agrees to come back.

MixaMax, you booed bad!

TheRealLuna