"So, Sky Lance, tell me something."

"I think I'll pass."

"If Princess Celestia were to fall in love with a guard, what would you call that?"

Sky Lance bore holes through his friend's silver helmet with a heinous expression. Once again he was cornered with no chance of escape. With a helpless shake of his head he awaited the inevitable punchline.

"Knight and Day."

"Yup, that's about as terrible as I thought it'd be."

Though the sun's rays illuminated every last crystalline structure, painting with its grace a shimmering paradise as far as the eye could see, Sky Lance could only simmer in his everlasting distaste for puns. But Straight Arrow met his friend's frown with a happy-go lucky grin, leaning against a pillar and letting loose a hearty laugh.

"You really need to lighten up," Straight Arrow chuckled, eyeing the snaking train tracks for the due train. "I'm telling it to Spike the Brave and Glorious once he gets here, because I'm sure he'll appreciate my humor."

Straight Arrow blew a raspberry. Sky Lance cocked a brow.

"Spike the Brave and Glorious is legitimately funny - come to think of it, so is Thorax," Lance muttered smugly, frown turning to a smirk. "You on the other hand are just recycling quips you read in the Daily Crystal. Trust me, once Spike gets here, we'll have some real humor."

"For your information I told that joke to Princess Celestia herself, and she gave a modest laugh, way more than her usual giggle."

"Is that so. Well, from what Princess Cadance has told me, her aunt laughs at everything guards tell her. She was probably just humoring you."

Straight Arrow rolled his eyes.

"Oh, like the comedy-challenged pony is in a position to determine when somepony's humoring you or not."

Bickering filled the calm and tranquil train station as the pair of guards began to lose their statue-esque composure. But the sound of grumbles and passive aggressive insults weren't the only sound to hear, anymore. It started as an echo off the distant frozen mountains, but grew steadily louder with each passing second - a powerful brass whistle, signaling its presence with a reverberating shriek.

"Hah! Would you look at that, all we needed was a good joke, and Spike the Brave and Glorious beckoned my call."

"I swear to Celestia, you're too much," Lance muttered. "I'm begging Captain Prince Shining Armor for a transfer the next chance I get."

"Love you too, Lance."

Arrow and Lance resumed their stolid stances as the crystal train shot by with a blast of sound. The metallic wheels of the mighty transport slowed and screeched to a halt, bringing a pair of sliding doors to a standstill between the two ponies. As the train let off an expulsion of hissing steam, Arrow and Lance gathered their composure for the royalty about to step through those doors.

"Oh, greetings, sirs!"

With her saddlebags in place, Twilight exited the train with an air of optimism and excitement. The crystal guards gave slight bows of their heads as she landed on the platform.

"Good morning, Princess Twilight," Lance said.

"We take it you're doing well?", Arrow added.

"I'm doing just great!", Twilight declared with an outwards thrust of her hoof. "Thank you for asking. Spike and I just spent the night and previous day with the changelings, and we've decided to lend them a hoof in negotiations with Princess Cadance, today. But fom the looks of things, I don't need to tell you two that, do I?"

"That's one way to put it," Lance said with a small smile. "Captain Prince Shining Armor asked we guard the train station, in case you had decided to arrive by train, today. It looks like he was wise to do so."

"I wanted the changelings to experience Equestria train systems while we had the opportunity," Twilight explained, looking back towards the empty, open train doors. "They should be coming out any moment now."

"Oh, of course!", Arrow blurted, substituting his composure for that of a sprinter readying a marathon. "Does Thorax, er - King Thorax require any luggage to be moved from the train?"

Twilight replied with a series of giggles, much to the mutual confusion of the guard ponies.

"Well, I guess you could say he has some 'luggage'," she began with a laugh, "but don't worry, sirs, I'm fairly certain he's got it."

For a few moments, the guard ponies watched the gaping train doors with patient curiosity. A moment later their stern, slightly agape mouths bloomed into crooked smirks.

Lumbering from the train at a snail's pace was Thorax, covered head to hoof in changelings. Clinging to his figure as if the very ground were composed of lava, the nine drones were one per each of his legs, two on his back, two hanging from his antlers, and lastly Apex atop the alpha changeling's head. Every step was an exaggerated effort that erupted snorts and snickers.

"...um, King Thorax?", Lance prodded, astonishment of the bug pony's startling transformation overtaking his initial chuckling at whatever shenanigans were ahoof.

"Is that you, Sky Lance?", Thorax asked, dawning a smile as he landed on the platform. "Oh, and Straight Arrow, you're here too. It's great to see you guys."

"It's good to see you too," Lance uttered, blinking a few times. "You sure have changed, huh? Well, I mean you all have, but you in-particular."

Thorax attempted some manner of body language to acknowledge the statement, but this proved utterly impossible while wearing changelings as clothes.

"Yeah, it's quite a sight," he chuckled. "To be honest we're still getting used to it, ourselves."

"Well, I like the antlers - aesthetic and deadly!", Arrow complimented, eyeing the pair of drones clinging to them.

"You actually know guard ponies, Papa Thorax?", the drone clamped around Thorax's left antler inquired, examining the muscular guards with mild curiosity.

"Yeah, I just sorta figured they all had number names and didn't talk," the right antlerling added, immediately drawing glares.

"Hey, be polite," Thorax scolded. "Don't forget that we are guests. And yes, lest you all forget, I lived in the Crystal Empire for a while so I know quite a few of the guards here."

Thorax turned to properly face his companions. Unfortunately for him, his frontal view was even more hilarious than the side view. Straight Arrow's lip quivered dangerously.

"A-alright, I'm sorry, I cannot take this", he said at last. "Someone's got to explain what's going on."

The more the shimmering guard pony laughed, the more the clinglings grinned.

"Introducing the Mobile Bug Pile!", came Apex's ecstatic voice. From atop Thorax's head he threw his tiny hooves the air. "It was all my idea."

A few changelings shot him dirty looks.

"Alright, maybe it was only mostly my idea," he clarified.

"What's a 'mobile bug pile'?", Lance inquired.

"Thorax promised to play a tag and tackle game changelings play, called 'Bug Pile'," came the exposition-y voice of a certain dragon, just now exiting the train car. "Thorax promised to play it if Apex here would agree to sit still on the train. When Apex modified the idea last minute, Thorax couldn't back out of his promise since it's still technically the same game."

"Now instead of everyling tackling a changeling after they get tagged, everyling tackles Papa Thorax instead!", Apex concluded with glee.

"We're seeing how far he'll carry all of us before he gets fed up," right antlerling piled on with a smirk.

"Correction," Thorax interjected, "I'm dumping you guys once we get past the train station. I'm not carrying you through town, and I'm certainly not carrying you all the way to the castle."

A disappointed whine resounded from every changeling.

As the shock and guffaw finally began to wear off, Lance and Arrow took lead of the convoy and navigated through the crystal train station. Twilight caught up with Spike, who was following on Thorax's hooves, sharing suppressed snorts with those closest changelings on Thorax's back.

"As always Spike, your timing is truly remarkable," Twilight commented, shaking her head with an amused eye roll. Changelings started to make faces just to elicit laughs from the dragon. "Though I'm rather curious just when you found all that out. I didn't see you up once the entire train ride."

"Twilight, you do realize you talked to Minuette for like, half an hour, right?" Spike replied, crossing his arms. "I managed to have an entire conversation with Thorax and fall back asleep by whatever time you came back."

Twilight gave an incredulous look. She placed a hoof to her chin for a few moments, contemplating both her awareness and understanding of time and space.

"There's no way I was distracted that long, we were just catching up. I mean, she did most of the talking, per usual, but it couldn't have been that long a conversation...could it?"

"I've said it before, I'll say it again, Twilight," Spike said, placing his claws behind his head, "that pony is a time vortex."

"Reporting in, Your Highness!", a guard pony said firmly, practically smacking his helmet with his routine salute.

"Yes, has there been any sign of Thorax and his group, yet?", Princess Cadance asked softly, hiding the growing anticipation in her voice. The majestic princess of love sat upon her crystalline throne, waiting with bated breath upon each new report from the squads.

"Not yet, I'm afraid," the guard replied, lowering his hoof. "But we do have some encouraging news. Squad three has seen the Crystal Train arriving from the south, which our information tells us is the general direction of the changeling hive. It departed from Dodge City just several hours ago."

"It's definitely a possibility," Cadance surmised, standing from her throne and descending to the shimmering stone floor. "Please have squad three check on the status of squad six. If they have encountered the changeling party, they'll be too preoccupied leading them through town to make a report. If the changeling party is here, send word to the other squads. If not, please continue your patrol of the border. Thank you, you are dismissed."

With a confident and stoic nod, the guard pony galloped from the throne room.

"Hah, see? You do a pretty good job yourself, hun. Couldn't have done it better, myself."

Cadance turned to find her husband leaning against her crystal throne, watching her every move with an etched look of pride. Cadance giggled to herself and joined him, gently meeting her horn to his.

"Oh, believe me, you're much better at it than I am," she said modestly. "I never was very good at commanding. When you do it, it's second nature - you don't even have to try. Just one of the many things I love about you."

"You make it sound like it's all that impressive. So I can raise my voice and look serious - big deal. You spread love into whatever room, whatever kingdom you step into. That is truly remarkable."

"Shining, come on," Cadance said softly, pouting her lips, embracing the robust stallion and laying her head against his neck. "Don't downplay your strengths, you know I hate when you do that."

"Alright, alright, I'm sorry," he replied with a laugh, all too much enjoying the attention and returning her soft nuzzles. "I guess I should take care to not add anything else to my list of things forgotten today, huh?"

Cadance closed her eyes, allowing herself to fully enjoy the warm embrace. A few moments of precious silence went on too long, and she felt something off. Shining's body had frozen stiff, his muscles suddenly rigid and tense. With a rush of concern, Cadance leaned back to examine the stallion's face, only to find a look of surging horror.

"Shining Armor, what's wrong?", Cadance asked with mounting alarm.

"The crystal ponies," Shining Armor managed out, voice shaking ever so slightly. The stallion frantically turned his gaze towards the vast windows overseeing the Crystal Empire, then darted back to Cadance with a single drop of sweat gliding down his cheek.

"...I never addressed the crystal ponies to let them know the changelings were visiting, today!"

"So, King Thorax, are you still getting situated as the new changeling leader?" Lance put forth.

Thorax drank in the cool breeze sweeping through the crystal plains. Though his muscles were starting to complain, the silence of content changelings kept him moving at a steady pace. With a warm gaze he looked to the curious guard pony by his side.

"Little by little," the changeling monarch replied, "I love helping and guiding the changelings, I'm just still getting used to being in charge. And, you know you don't have to call me that if you don't want to, Lance."

"Of course I do, I'm on duty," Sky Lance replied with matter-of-fact. "Prince Captain Shining Armor would have my tail if I was informal with royal guests while on duty."

Traveling along the cinnamon dirt road leading into the city, the escorted group of changelings, princess and small dragon took in the sights of the empire's skyline. Above the rather modest crystal homes was the gleaming castle, piercing the clouds themselves.

Thorax paused in thought at the impressive spectacle, but quickly clenched an eye on reflex as stray hooves poked his face. Overwhelmed with excitement, Apex had decided to stand atop his perch to take in the new surroundings. The little changeling radiated with bliss, drawing looks as he gasped softly, fluttering his tiny wings.

"Papa Thorax, why doesn't our hive sparkle like the crystal pony crystal castle?" he pondered aloud.

"Well, we sparkle now, so I say it's just a matter of time," a drone sarcastically quipped from Thorax's leg. The air vibrated with chittering.

"It may not shine in the light, but I really like our new hive," Thorax said with pride, gently using one hoof to guide Apex's stray legs out of his face. "And you know, the Crystal Empire doesn't have natural underground hot springs like our hive does."

"Yeah, I guess that is pretty cool," Apex admitted. "Plus, if the hive did start to sparkle, I think that'd hurt my eyes after a while."

"Speaking of shiny things - King Thorax, if you don't mind me asking, what are the little crystals for?", Straight Arrow asked, nodding his head towards the trio of gems decorating Thorax's neck. "Is that like, male vs female identification or something?"

Thorax forced his mind back on track with an ogling stare in Arrow's direction.

"Well as far as I can tell, they're-"

"Why must you bother King Thorax with such personal questions?", Lance spoke abruptly, furrowing his brow to a razor point. "He's probably tired from his long journey, not to mention his...current predicament."

With an unsure glance, Lance surveyed a few drones parkouring around Thorax's hindquarters. However, this lasted only a moment. Flattening his lip, Thorax fluttered his tucked wings and sent the drones tumbling, eliciting a choir of snickering from the other changelings.

"For your information, Lance, I'm carrying on a conversation with my good friend. Perhaps you've met him," Arrow muttered sarcastically.

"While on duty, humility and professional behavior comes first," Lance pointed out.

"So cut and dry you're like beef jerky," Arrow shot back.

"Sirs!", Came Twilight's stern voice, extending her wings with a thrust. The two guards jumped in surprise, and eighteen compound eyes gave their attention to the sudden excitement.

"It's certainly important to maintain a respectful attitude, but there's nothing wrong with some casual conversation," Twilight explained, her wings curling back to her petite frame. She turned to Thorax with an encouraging smile.

"...um, that's right," Thorax added, scrambling to continue Twilight's wisdom. "I'm the changeling leader now, but I'm not a foreign leader. I already have close relationships with the empire, so you don't have to worry so much about being so formal with me, Lance."

"As you wish, Thorax," Lance acknowledged, reluctantly backing down.

Though the train station was now a distant memory, Thorax's laboring continued as the convey neared town. Once again, the alpha changeling's soft streak had gotten the better of him. The tranquil and calm drones could be chocked up to the many new sights distracting them, but Thorax wasn't going to make that gamble just yet. Ensuring their best behavior was his utmost priority, and accomplishing that without having to raise his voice or throw around glares was a good day, for him.

For now, 'Mobile Bug Pile' would remain operational.

But while Thorax trudged onwards while his drones reveled in silent joy, Spike had stealthily hid himself behind Thorax's lower legs, obscured from the view of all present parties. Grabbing the attention of those closest changelings, the purple dragon put a claw to his lips.

"Hey you guys, I just had the best idea," he whispered, rousing the bug ponies' attention.

"Oh yeah?", one drone replied, observing Spike with intrigue. "Do tell."

"Just a little something Spike the Brave and Glorious, also known as Spike the Hilarious cooked up for those moody guard ponies," Spike explained with a scheming smile, pausing for a moment as to allow Arrow and Lance's continual bickering in the background to prove his point. "Trust me, it's gonna be awesome. When I give you guys the signal, here's what we're gonna do..."

A muffled explanation ensued, and the two backleglings exchanged wicked grins.

Shining Armor's hooves thundered against the stone ground, shortness of breath burning his lungs. By his side, the normally reserved Cadance sprinted along with him, wearing the same frown she had worn since the throne room.

"You are impossible," she stated, her tone caught somewhere between a laugh and a reprimand. "I know today's meeting was short notice, but of all the things you had to do today, Shining Armor, how could you forget this one?"

"I'm sorry! A thousand times, I'm sorry!", he said frantically, shaded blue mane undulating in the wind. "I remembered to inform the guard units but the populace slipped through the cracks. I swear to your aunt, I'll dump cold water on my head every morning from now on if I have to. But right now, we need to hurry - if Twiley did arrive on the last train, they'll be hitting town any second now!"

"I must admit that I'm still not sure why you're so freaked out," Cadance said, arching an eyebrow and navigating around a decorative floral garden as she ran. "If Twilight is with them, I'm sure things will be absolutely fine."

"Hun, do you know why I wanted you to give the guards their daily orders, today?" Shining asked, impressively leaping a bench. Cadance simply watched her stoic husband with patient resolve, signaling him to continue. "It's because I thought it'd be a good idea for you to get outside the castle a little more often, and mingle with the guards and the citizens, like I usually do."

"And if you remember, I agreed that was a wonderful idea," Cadance added. "But, what does that have to do with the changeling's visit?"

The core of the empire's city approached - soon the edge of town would be visible. Shining Armor's gaze fixated on that still unclear horizon with mounting dread.

"Policing the empire means you deal with day-to-day problems a lot more often," he explained. "The real ones, and the not so real ones."

Cadance shot him a lost expression, and Shining answered with a wide-eyed look of concern.

"Let's just say the crystal ponies tend to...overreact to things," he uttered ominously.

"Shining Armor, you may not have let the empire know about the visit in advance, but I'm fairly certain Twilight can handle any initial shock just fine," Cadance reassured, her confusion leveling to a soft smile. "Honestly, it's like you're suggesting I've never been around to witness a major...panic."

Cadance's train of thought derailed to shock and awe. Before her was a scene of tumultuous chaos that Discord himself would be proud of - crystal ponies young and old charged aimlessly in every direction, their faces twisted with exaggerated terror. Only now did the shrieks of fright begin to ring in her ears, as ponies bellowed at the top of their lungs, some taking refuge in their homes while others resorted to hiding under benches or behind hanging plant pots.

At the mayhem's epicenter was the arriving convoy. At the forefront was Thorax, frozen in shock and still covered in changelings. The squadron of drones clung to him peered around, some blankly staring as ponies pointed at them and cried out in terror, while others cried themselves from squinted eyes as they laughed.

Just beyond the changelings were Straight Arrow and Sky Lance, who had just shaken off two drones atop their backs. Just a moment prior, the drones had launched a spontaneous tackle attack upon them, under the command of a certain dragon.

"Run for your lives, everypony!", a crystal mare exclaimed, her voice cracking as she pointed. "That multi-colored monster is attacking! Its babies just attacked the guards!"

Like an accelerant poured on a robust flame, the mare's words stirred the frenzy further. Ponies began running into one another, pushing others out of their way as they attempted to flee the area.

"No no no! No one is attacking anyone, everypony!", came Twilight's anxious voice, ascending through the air and attempting to harness the crowd's attention. "The changelings were just playing! The guards weren't in danger!"

"Changelings!?", one crystal pony shouted out, pressing his head between his front hooves. "There are changelings in the empire!?"

A resounding gasp echoed from the entire crowd in harmony, a temporary moment of silence as every head turned to more closely examine the intruders. Thorax blinked and gave a desperate smile - unfortunately it had no effect.

"Look at their eyes! They are changelings!", a stallion proclaimed, lowering himself to the ground and concealing his face.

"A new breed of changelings that attack from a congealed form!", a mare added, hiding behind her friend.

The hysteria continued where it left off, leaving the combined efforts of Twilight, Lance and Arrow a lost cause.

Seated ahead of the chaos, Cadance gradually turned her head. Sweat poured from Shining Armor's face, his wife's ferocious expression a heavy pressure on his entire being. In that moment, Shining realized that among a sea of screaming ponies, it was he who should be the most terrified.

"Shining Armor."

"...yes, dear?"

"Turns out you were right."

"I know, I wish I wasn't."

"You were right, and you're going to fix this. Now."

"Of course, dear."

Author's Notes:

"WhAt If ThIs *GASP* iSn'T *GASP* ThE ReAL SpIkE!?"

https://youtu.be/F8M0wVzEuNA