Ten years. Ten long years now it's been since that day back in New Appleloosa when I strolled into town with my head held high and my heart broken in two. They say that time heals all wounds, well, they clearly had never heard of radiation poisoning or taint. The years have both been kind and tragic since that day, some with hopes of a better tomorrow and others with the fear of death looming ever present. Much like the music from the sprite bots, it makes its presence known only in the static of the background. Never close enough to see and sometimes even forgotten but, always there nonetheless to remind me and everypony else that each day is a gift.

Two years after that day I lost Boss one night in his sleep to radiation sickness. Despite Shale's and my own best efforts the old man was too far gone and we were too far from help to save him. It was the worst day of my life to say the least. Soon after Shale decided to part ways with me to go explore Hoofington. She said there is a place there where traders all live together and harvest goods from the ruined city. I wanted to go but that was in the wrong direction I was traveling. So instead we vowed to seek one another out over the holidays by me coming to her. In some ways we are still brother and sister but in others I can feel us growing apart.

I saw her just last week, she was going on about these 'heroines' DJ pony keeps talking about on the radio. She said she met one of them, Security I think it was, and spent the last 4 hours of our visit gushing over her. I didn't mind, but I would have liked to have talked more about how she was doing at the time. I don't think she knows how lonely this job really is and how much it can take out of a pony, no matter how long they have been doing it. Sometimes spending a little time with somepony can make all the difference in your morale for months or more but, sometime all it does is hurt.

Shale, a beacon of light in my otherwise dark world. Don't get me wrong, my life's not all bad, but there are times when I just want to crawl back to her, let her patch my wounds and tell me everything's OK. I guess growing up together builds a bond between two ponies, even going so far as to bring about romantic interest in one another. Interests that were mirrored by herself but failed to blossom due to the nature of my work and her feelings of us being related. We weren't by blood but I could share the sentiment. Shale had always been like a sister to me, sure she's beautiful, smart and always has my back. But the fact remains that we have a love of brother and sister, not the love of lovers.

Love made even stronger by the fact that we had not only been through so much together but stronger in the sense that we didn't have to be together, yet here we are. A part of each other's lives, not under circumstances of birth, but through true friendship and love for one another. I have felt for a long time that the strongest form of love a pony can have is that of which is given with nothing expected in return. Shale is not my blood, she's not even half blood to me, but to me she is a part of my heart. She staked out a claim and set up shop the day I first met her, never to be taken over by anypony else. True and unconditional, I carry it with me everywhere I go knowing that I'm not ever alone so long as she is there.

In a way I feel that's what Zu has done as well, she planted a seed that's gone into hibernation, just waiting to be cultivated into a garden. It's small, not even developed but, it's there nonetheless, waiting for the right moment to sprout. In it's own way both of those things are the cure for hopelessness but in others, it's the cause. Because of mine and Shale's relationship, I'm left confused at time's on whether or not to hug her or kiss her. It makes for awkward moments between us that she tends to make up for in general giddiness and jokes. I know that she is going through the same emotions as me just by the look in her eyes but I doubt she knows how much it hurts to be with her and not be able to be with her at the same time. Not just from the emotional disconnection, but from the physical disconnection that comes with being a tracker for hire.

Then again, I have her to thank for this job, but to be honest sometimes I wonder if that too isn't a curse in and of itself. Not long after she left for Hoofington and I had completed the last of the group's delivery obligations, I went to visit her. While I was there I was introduced to quite a few different vendors, most of which were my sister's friends, as “Coyote Joe, one of the best trackers in the wasteland”. Sis had done her usual job of talking me up to her friends, whether it be for her own need for admiration or because she has always been proud of me. regardless, the title did come with some free swag and a open tab at the area bar, neither of which I complained about.

While I was there, not only was I given free food and drink, but I was also treated to an ever changing billboard of names and missions. I started referring to it as the commission's requests, seeing as most, if not all, were posted there by somepony who was willing to pay for something that they themselves were not willing to do. It seemed like there were quite a few folks looking to collect on the commissions but few ever came off the board. But when they did, it seemed that they were almost instantly replaced with some other stupid thing to be retrieved or murdered. I was more interested in the missing ponies list myself and that's where my life started falling more into place.

At the time I had not given up hope on finding Zu, in fact I had taken 3 trips along the same path she had told me about. So far not even the faintest of signs was left other than a note scribed into a rock on the far side of the mountain. Even now I still check with the locals at every town I stop by to see if they had seen a zebra with purple eyes about. Most of the time I'm met with blank stares but sometimes I get the typical “If ah see a zebra, ah shoot a zebra” talk. This has prompted more than one fight in my lifetime. But every now and then, I would get a lead, once I even got a name out of somepony that had claimed that a zebra named Zuri had rescued her from a group of raiders. But as they always do, that trail turned cold and left me most of the way to Canterlot, a place I have been to and really would like to avoid in the future.

That was almost 3 years ago and where it did give me hope, as always the hope fades away under a river of doubt, worry and questions. Chasing her is like chasing a ghost, I get glimpses of her through the eyes of others but never a single sighting that yielded results. When I followed up on my last lead on her 3 years back I became so consumed that I left all my work behind for over 4 months. Something that has since become a tradition to get away for a little while to collect my thoughts and push forward in life. So I guess I have that to thank her for, if she's even still out there that is.

Whereas Zu's trail had went cold long ago, there are still plenty of ponies out there that need rounding up or even removed from this place. I found myself taking every missing pony case that I came across, sometimes working 3 or 4 cases at a time. I quickly made a name for myself across the wasteland finding kids that had been taken by slavers, tracking down thieves and sometimes, rarely but still sometimes, removing some of our less productive members of society. The latter I reserved for ponies that if eliminated would better the world in a substantial way or would save more than one life. I would never take revenge killings, those are just too much emotional baggage to tote around. The same can be said for high bounty cases, as good as the caps pay for something like that, it's still too risky to take those jobs one solo. chances are that the majority of the time, the bounty would have been placed on somepony who was innocent of any real crime or was just too dangerous to attempt alone.

Before long I had ponies coming to me rather than me coming to them for work and at times it became quite profitable. Lost or taken foals, missing ponies who went out and were never heard from again even a few personal ads. Those last ones never work out with me, granted the longing I have for a relationship is vast but I have a bit a problem with being nervous around the fairer sex. My “friends”, what few I have, say it's my lack of self confidence and my habit to over analyze details and not just “go with the flow”. I can't help that every mare I have met has in some way hit the “you annoy the hell out of me and here's a list of reasons why” button.

Take those endearing traits and combine them with a solemn demeanor and almost everypony mistakes me for a half heart. Where in ways they would be right, where they are wrong is that most of the time I just prefer to be left alone. I like me and I spend a hell of a lot of time with me on a daily basis, so when somepony wants to poke their head in, both me and me better like them or we will shut down on them and walk away. Sounds crazy but it's a life, a craptastic one, but a life nonetheless. It has also allowed me to focus on my work even if I have had my failures. In my time I have had a few cases went unsolved. Apart from Zu there are 4 pegasi out there that may never be caught for their crimes for obvious reasons. There is also a unicorn but that one is complicated, her case is the only one I have just dropped all together, even if I did find her.

The poor girl didn't stand a chance, her crude early warning systems she had set up was what gave her away. You can't just hang cans from trees without screaming 'here I am!' to anypony within a mile or so. I had been told that she was dangerous, crafty and had a deadly habit of setting traps along her tracks, so to say I was on edge would be correct. I walked right into her camp, guns out ready for a fight, and found...a sleeping, half dead, short little unicorn surrounded by little to no supplies and a worn out p.o.s. pipe rifle. She didn't even have clean water to drink by the looks of the drained puddles around her. That was not what I was expecting at all. I had been told to be ready for the fight of my life and to take the shot on her as soon as I saw her, but being an overachiever meant bringing her in alive. It also meant keeping blood off my hooves, I can't just kill somepony because I was paid to, not without at least making a judgment call first.

I was poised to bring her in but saw a small rolled up letter in her bag that had been stained with blood and torn around the edges. I retrieved it only to find it was an execution flier for something called The Pit where she would have to fight to her death to gain freedom. Her crime? Hitting a guard after he tried to rape her. See this was problematic for me, on one hoof I was contractually obligated to bring her in. But on the other I was told she was a prisoner and had stole caps from a local de facto sheriff. But the flier on the other hoof was clearly from Filly Fun Farm.

There are two things in the world that piss me off to the point of doing something stupid, lying to me and slavers. In this case I was lied to by slavers and was sending an innocent pony to her death by proxy. This prompted me to do some quick math in my head, after carrying the slavers and multiplying it by a factor of innocent death I came to the answer of being pissed the fuck off. The whole situation had cost me time, money, sanity and now my integrity. In my book that was as good as blood on my own hooves, something I had precious little of and wanted to keep that way. Even if the pay was good, it would never be THAT good. I decided that this is where her trail went cold.

Now I could have just left her there and let be what will be, but like I said, I do stupid things when wronged and decided to wake her up. Not the smartest move on my part, I even have the bullet wound on my right butt cheek to prove it. Not saying it wasn't deserved, but I would have liked a better welcoming than a flesh wound that would make it hard to poo for a long time. Once I had the crazy mare calmed down and she had realized her pipe rifle had taken it's last breath I was able to convince her of the situation at hoof. I tried to get her name from her but she kept insisting on using a “code name” and decided “Roxie” sounded cool. Considering what I'm working with here it's no wonder I found her so easily, so I decided it best to give her some help if she was going to make a go at getting away.

I warned her about the can chains and about walking on trails that were muddy as to avoid detection. After some much needed evasion talk I decided to give her one of my rifles I had picked up on trade with 50 rounds of 308 ammo. It had to be better than that garbage of a pipe gun she had taken from the slavers. I also gave her nearly all of my rations and 3 bottles of clean water and a stern warning to make them last as long as she could. Lastly I gave her a copy of the wasteland survival guide, something I had quite a few of being a fan of books myself.

Once I had tended to the pony who called herself “Roxie” wounds and made sure she wasn't going to out right die on me, I decided to lead her away from Filly and find a better place to set up camp. She stayed with me for 11 days, the whole time trying to pick my brain about evading capture, where to find food, tools she would need and anything else that would cross her mind at the time. By the time we reached Hoofington's outer boundaries she had actually became quite the stealthy little pony. Even her body fat had come up quite a bit in the few short days we were together. She didn't want to part ways at first and really, neither did I. but when I told her I had to pay some of her friends a visit about a bounty they owed, she decided to make her own way from there.

OK, OK, so I get attached under extreme circumstances. Zu, Shale, Roxie. All mares I had met under difficult situations, or spent time with under duress. Call me crazy but I work best under pressure and tend to come out of my shell, coating otherwise tragic circumstances with a thick layer of personality. I have been told I'm a fun guy to be around when I'm either half drunk or being shot at, making light of the situation with humor. But in actuality its a coping mechanism, something I fell like I picked up from Boss all those years back. It helps me to focus and take control of the situation, to me its easier to think when you are not pissing yourself from fear.

The guards that gave the order to hire me were none to pleased with the fact that even I couldn't find her. I was called far more things than useless when I returned to collect my fee and for a short time denied the fee. But due to the nature of my business I had taken measures for such eventualities, folk usually change their mind when I produced a list of close family that may or may not disappear overnight if they didn't pay up. It was a bluff of course but few ponies will call it given the detail I go into about names, locations, habits and ways they could just no longer exist.

Now the problem with bluffing is that every now and again you need to be holding all the cards to call. This was one of those times unfortunately and by the time the smoke had settled I was sporting 5 new bullet holes and a nasty gash below my right eye on my muzzle. Slavers, while not as dumb as raiders, make up for it with blind rage. Where that's fine in a bar room brawl, it makes for shitty fighting. They didn't even notice the grenade that I had tossed into the room they had retreated to and instead continued shouting curse words at me and firing blindly around a corner. The one that charged me soon after avoided the explosion and managed a slice to my face before losing most of his organs to two 44 caliber rounds at point blank range.

And so began my reputation with slavers as “kill that fucker”. Not the name I would have chosen but beggars can't be choosers I guess. At least that's what's always said when I'm in close contact with them. That or “it's that asshole” seems to be the most popular of choices among those who knew before or knew of me. Jeez, kill a few slavers and it's like they all know it from then on, ridiculous.

That was my last job for the year, now I was standing in the old campsite where I found Zu so many years before. There was even a few scraps of canvas lying about the place from the years of storms and scavengers. No prints anywhere to be seen, must have been years ago since somepony had come this way other than me. If I wasn't alone before this trip I damn sure was now. Just me and the woods were left to our annual meeting of minds where I would try and clear my head and they would try and clear my head clean off.

I will admit to dropping my guard when I come to this place, rather than spend my time looking for tracks in a small hope that I would find Zu like I used to years back, I now spent my time just letting the memories take hold. Sometimes I think about when I was a little colt working for Boss, crawling in and out of places not meant for anypony to go and sometimes I just think about moving on with my life and seeking out the Zebra Lands. I know that ponies can get in there but I don't think you can come back once you do. To this day the closest I have come is less than one mile from their closest village but even that far out there were near constant patrols. If they did allow ponies in, they were not making a grand show of welcoming them.

I came to the same trailhead I had stood at 10 years ago today, from where I was now I could just make out the ruined part of the trail. In hindsight I should have put up a sign that says, "danger trail is gone near the end, turn back now". But then again, I'm starting to think that I'm the only one that even comes here anymore so what good would that do. Well... maybe it would remind me about the trail being out the last 5 times I went that way, thank the cosmos for wings! I'm sure there has been at least one poor bastard go up that way only to find the trail completely fucked and say “Motherfucker! I bet some stupid young kids blew this thing to hell and back just to catch a two bit thief”.

Heh, at least I hope that's what happened and they didn't just walk off the edge and fall to their death. At any rate it was Zu's idea, not mine to blow it up and were effective, it did have its drawbacks in that now a path to the top of the mountain was completely ruined. But then again I don't think I would have convinced her otherwise, she had this cute way about her that could convince me to do things. Sometimes I wonder if I should have left that day and gone back after her, circled around and caught up with her in the plains. Maybe we would still be together, maybe she would have told me to shove off a few years later. At least then I would have closure and maybe that small fire that still burns for her deep down inside me would have died out.

Ten years ago. Seems like yesterday still. I trotted down the trail I had so long ago with Zu by my side, both heading in different directions but both unwilling to do so. But through the power of the cosmos, our fates were sealed in granite and impossible to change. Up ahead's the fork in the trail, even still now after so many years I can see her topping the ridge and disappearing out of sight and out of my life forever. From where I stand now is the end of a chapter and on the other side the blank page of another. A better chapter, one filled with hope and maybe even love, but like an unfinished book it stays empty and no matter how hard I look, I never find anything.

In the middle of the trail, right where it forks, an old dead oak tree stands in it's rooted position. Like a knife, it splits the trail into two paths. I remember standing right here, saying see you soon right here and coming back year after year, right here. Like a grave marker for somepony who had yet to pass, I had turned it into a chronological log of all the times I had come here from beginning until now. Whether it be in hopes that she see it and know I'm still out there or to remind me of all the times I had kept my promise, I was resolve in my yearly mission.

I trotted to the old tree in the fork of the trail, the same tree where we kissed goodbye and sat down. I pulled my knife from its sheath and began to carve in the trunk of the dead wood.

“Joey, ten years later. Still looking.”

Like a sad personal add in the Tenpony Tower papers I scribed my words under all the others I had carved over the years. Pathetic? Tell me about it. But what do you do when you have nothing to do but track ponies down and drink yourself silly. Everypony needs something to hold onto and I guess this is my something. I spun on my hunches and thumped the back of my head down on the tree and looked down the way I had just come. Out of the corner of my eye I could just see the carvings I made from years 5 and 6, reminding me that this, might actually be all I have outside of Shale as something to keep me going.

I must have sat there for over an hour before finally deciding I was pathetic beyond measure all the while thinking of what it would be like to just let go. But I have never been one to give up on anything in my life, no matter how stupid it was or how much time I wasted. Things from the past just have a way of taking hold of me and haunting my dreams until resolved, even now I'm thinking about the young mare I let go from the contract. Even when I finish something, if its not done right it will drive me nuts until I correct it, but I guess that's all part of that attention to detail Boss always talked about.

Having finished my personal one pony pity party, I stood and returned my knife to it's home on my right foreleg. The words from years 1-3 were beginning to weather and it wouldn't be long before they will have faded completely. Almost like the years of my life they were fading away leaving only a small impression that they were once there.

I could say that I made a promise to myself long ago to find her and make things right again but what are the chances that she had not moved on with her life. For all I know she wasn't even alive anymore, leaving me to chase ghosts and memories I would never find. Nevertheless, I have come here yet again and once more carved my name in the old oak yet again. After this it's back to tracking ponies down and trying really hard to not get shot in the ass. Yay. Fun.

Then again, I have been going at it pretty hard and those slavers were getting a bit upset at my ever growing presence. They are not big fans of ponies who try to liberate their captives for no better reason than me hating them. So they have been turning the heat up on me over the last few months in hopes of smoking me out of hiding to come out and play. As is their right, I have shot way more of them than they have of me at this point and I'm sure they would like to rid themselves of the worry of me being out there. Maybe if I took a few months off and traveled a bit they would lose the sour taste of defeat and ease up on me.

I looked up over the ridge top of the higher trail, from where I stood now, I could make the coast by tomorrow if walked and by tonight if I flew. Maybe a few days in New Pegas would clear my head, get drunk and try to forget this place once and for all. Heh, even now my heart keeps telling me to not give up hope, head that way and walk her trail to the far northwest. Well I do know ponies in NP, maybe I should pay them a visit. If nothing else maybe I can find a few jobs out this way that could hold me over for a few extra months.

I checked my Pipbuck's inventory, 48,791 caps. Not like I don't have the funds to spend a few months dicking off in the wasteland, what am I going to do with them anyhow. It's not like I'm going to move to Tenpony anytime soon, hell half of those ponies think I'm a hired mercenary. Last time I was there I was asked to leave after very politely telling a local shopkeeper to “get fucked” in the most profound of ways. I even used a fancy talking voice, but they still got bent out of shape and sent me to pound sand with the rest of the plebeians on the streets.

“What the hell... I'll give it a go. No use spending my life out here.” I said to myself. I guess I can go look one more time and see if she's still out there, if maybe I missed a clue somewhere or at the very least go get hammered with some friends in NP. Part of me wants this to all be over but another part of me really wants it to all stay a dream, I guess that's what you get when you have no faith but plenty of hope for something. Oh well, nevertheless, it sound like fun so I can't go wrong.

“OK... let's do this.” I said as I spread my wings and pushed off the ground.

The mountains were just as I remembered them, jagged with winding paths that all lead to different areas of the plains below. In no time at all I had cleared the mountains and I began my descent to the valley floor. Even though I had conquered my fear of heights for the most part, it didn't mean that I was keen on flying very high or for very long. Granted I had made the flight to Baltimare a few times but those were for jobs and if I didn't have to fly, I usually walked. Besides, walking was more advantageous to tracking and I enjoy the exercise. But in doing so I get to come face to face with Raiders, Slavers, Gangers, Zombies, assholes, Bandits, more Zombies, Hookers, Scalpers, tics, super tics, super irradiated legendary tics and oh yeah, Zombies .. did I mention I hate zombies? And ticks?

I landed near a boulder that I had stopped at years before so I could read the words Zu had wrote ten years prior. Sure enough, there they were, cut deep into the stone somehow, having endured the years of weather and abuse from the elements. I couldn't help feel a little jealous at her message leaving skills, all I had was a old shitty tree and it worked just fine. But not Zu, nooooo! She had to get all fancy with her damn rock carving skills. I swear sometimes I wonder if she hadn't been hiding a horn under that hair of hers.

“Joey, I'll come back for you one day -Zuri”

I ran my hoof over the letters she had scribed, trying to somehow feel closer to her through the years and miles between us. My hoof rested at her name, she had given the Z in Zuri a little tail with an arrow pointing down, a direct complement to her cutiemark no doubt. It was at that point I noticed something out of place, something that wasn't here before. A flash of color that was out of place in a valley of moldy rocks and dead trees. To my left, About 100 yards down the valley, another boulder leading to the plains seemed to have something on it. It appeared to be something written in the same manner as Zu's note. Wasting no time, I took flight to the large boulder near the grassy field to see if my eyes were playing tricks on me.

The large stone was capped with a layer of black mold that ran down the face of the rock to the grassy earth below. The writing was in stark contrast against the black mold enough for me to see it from over 100 yards out, that's why I saw something out of place. I pushed the tall grass out of the way and was greeted by the most beautiful sight I had seen in ten long years. A note from Zuri.

“Joey, I don't know if you're still out there but, I came back to look for myself. I saw your tree and I had to leave you a note. I can't say where I am, but I trust you will find me. I miss you Joey, I never gave up hope. -Zuri”

The markings were fresh, maybe a week, two weeks old at the most. There was fine dust the in the corners of the letters still, chances are that this couldn't have been made more than a month ago. This was recent, this was even in the same style as the first note, this was her. Somewhere deep inside of me an ember that was slowly dying out, suddenly burst to life in a raging firestorm of the only thing I had been missing all these years. Faith. Faith that she was alive, faith that I could find her and faith that she was waiting for me, wherever she was.

My thoughts came fast and muddled by the adrenaline in my veins, Zuri was out there! She was still out there and looking for me no less! I can't believe it, all these years and she still wants to see me again! I honestly thought I should have turned back, I almost didn't even stop here and, had I not, I would have missed her message. But there it is, in white and black carvings, behind a layer of grass that you would never see unless you look from the stone where she wrote the original note for me years back. It was intentional and it was hidden and that means only one thing. She's still hiding from something.

All I need is a direction and I could pick up the trail, she had to leave some clue to where she was heading, something, anything! I looked down, I'm sure by now her prints would have faded away to nothing but low and behold, there were several prints from somepony who had been doing something here. Like carving a letter or maybe, planting a bomb for the reader. Beep, beep, beep... boom!

My world filled with fire and shrapnel, the concussive force blew me off my hooves completely and the small spires of steel ripped at my barding, a few even piercing my hide. Luckily I had noticed the muffled beeping of the mine in time to jump behind a rock and avoid the majority of the damage that would have been done to me. Nevertheless, it felt like I was shot with a shotgun filled with pissed off parasprites. I was standing right on top of the damn thing, how did I not see it! I was so enamored by her note that I had completely dropped my guard, stopped looking for threats around me and it almost cost me my legs.

My hide burned and my ears rang with a high pitched buzz that clouded my thoughts and blinded me with pain. I had been shot, stabbed, and beaten but this was my first time being blown to hell and back and wow did it suck. My happiness was now replaced with dread, did the slavers find this rock and put two and two together? Did they think that maybe I would read it and fall for their trap, being blasted to hell and ridding them of their Coyote infestation for good? Did they write the damn letter themselves? Oh if that's the case then I'm going to be beyond pissed and it will be far more than just pop shots I'll be taking at them.

It's no secret that I was looking for a purple eyed zebra but I took care never to use her name or overly describe her outside of, “she a zebra, she's got like, stripes and shit”. The slavers could have found that much out easy, but looking now, how hard would it have been for them to find my tree and then find Zuri's rock. The clues all added up but something was off with all of this, if they booby trapped the rock for me, wouldn't they have given me a location just in case it didn't work? Someplace where I would be ambushed had it all gone tits up on them? Ugh! Thinking hurts right now!

From where I was resting, I could see a set of fuzzy tracks leading to the west around the boulders. Even in my blurry state, I could tell they were fresh, less than 24 hours in fact. The edges of the tracks were still sharp and the centers still showed an outline of their hooves clearly. If that's the case, they are not far off and chances are they heard this blast and would be coming to survey the damage. I glanced around, looking for some place to hide, anywhere. There! I piled myself behind some boulders just down range of the blast sight, halving the distance between the two notes. If they wrote the new message to me, I wanted to know. Because I was about to start a new war with them if they had.

Talking, I can hear talking. It took less than 5 minutes for them to respond to the blast and judging by their demeanor, they must be confident in their work. I pulled my rifle from my back, taking care to remove the scope cover and replaced it to my bags, the same time removing a fresh mag from them. I have used this rifle to solve a lot of other ponies problems and today it looks like it will be used to solve yet another, this time, one of my own.

Finally, after a few tense moments, the slavers turned the corner to inspect the damage the mine had caused. The blast blew all of the grass away from the rock and now exposed the writing to be seen from all angles. There were three of them, one unicorn, two earth ponies, all three walking side by side, bragging about a job well done.

“Yeah, I bet it blew his ass into a million pieces.” The blue buck said.

“No joke! The boss will be happy to hear his little “coyote problems” are long gone.” The yellow buck said.

“I'm going to take those damn pistols he's so proud of, make a nice memento for the occasion don't you think?” Said the other yellow buck.

“Good thinking using a mine under that bitch's note, after reading that pathetic list of years the fucker carved into that tree, I knew he would come this way sooner or later.” Said the blue buck.

“Yeah well, one less asshole to slow us down. Won't even have to watch our backs anymore.” Said one of the yellow bucks.

They were just rounding the corner when I had got my rifle into position, I had found a spot between some rocks that gave me a good view of the area and through my scope I could see all three of them approaching the crime scene.

“Yeah, I just wish I could have seen his face when he found out how fucked he wa....” The blue buck trailed off...

“WHERE THE FUCK IS HE?”

I couldn't help but grin at the dichotomy in his last statement.

“Maybe a tick tripped the mine, you know those damn things are the size of dog's around here.” The yellow buck said.

“See I told you it wouldn't work.” Said the other yellow buck.

“There ain't no tellin' how old this fucking note is, Ain't that what I said?!” Said the yellow buck.

“For all we know this isn't even for him.” The other yellow buck said.

“Both of you's shut up, plant another mine. If he's coming, we'll get him.” Said the blue buck.

Well that was enlightening, they had found the note and planted a bomb in hopes of killing me. Did I really piss them off that bad? How are they connecting me to Zuri in the first place? They can't be going off these carvings and actually figuring all this out... are they? No, they're way too stupid for that, they are just blindly thinking that it's for me and planting bombs at random. Sometimes I guess you can be so stupid you're smart, but this is on a whole new level.

I watched as the two yellow bucks, who I had gathered to be twins, planted and fresh mine and began covering their tracks. I never would have guessed if not for their tails. One of them was bald, seeming to have shaved his head and the other had a full mane. The bald one set the mine while his counterpart cleared the area. I could take them both out right here and now, but that would give me away to the 3rd buck, no if I was going to do this I had to get all three in one shot.

“What's taking you guys so long?” The blue buck yelled from the front of the valley. Oh they can't be that stupid, set your camp up just outside the trap you set? Did I really just fall for this shit? You have to go to school to be this stupid and they bested me? Oh now I'm pissed.

The two yellow bucks trotted off back to their camp that I had wagered was no more than a few hundred yards down the way from me. If they are over there, I could just fly over the valley wall and disappear but, that would take the justice out of my situation. Plus, what if Zu came back this way, they would be sitting right here waiting for her. Hmmm.... what to do... Irony... I thought to myself as a evil grin crossed my face.

They didn't even know what hit them. All three of them were sitting near a burning campfire when their own mine they had just planted dropped from the heavens and landing in the fire. Almost immediately it began to beep and by the time they looked up to see my smiling face, detonated. Had they been wearing barding of some sort, they may have stood a chance but, that wasn't the case.

I landed near the bodies of the two yellow bucks to see the blue buck trying to hold in his small intestines. The two yellow brothers had been mangled by the explosion, never stood a chance, but the blue buck was still managing to hang on to life. The blast has sent smoldering embers throughout the campsite, setting everything they touched that wasn't stone on fire. I turned my attention to the now wheezing, dying buck.

“What's your name.” I asked walking towards him.

“What?” He yelled.

“What's your fucking name.” I yelled back to him.

“Why do you care?”

“I'm tired of referring to you as 'the blue buck'.” I said with a flat face.

“S-Search. My name is Search Light.”

“The fuck kind of name is that. Sound's like something somepony who's out of ideas names their kid.”

“My mother... she's from Harbor City.” He said clutching his guts.

“Your mother must have been a hoe, I bet she slid you in and out a few times before she birthed you with a name like that.” I said.

“Fuck you.”

“Yeah, I bet you would.”

“How did you-” He stopped short.

“Your first mine was too deep, the blast was deadened by the sand, your second wasn't even armed.” I said. By the look on the buck's face, he probably wished that he could re-kill his two yellow counterparts.

“So what now, you just going to kill me?” He asked.

“Nope, already did that. I need some answers from you. If you play along, maybe I pass you that healing potion over there and you get to live.” I replied, as I pushed off the ground and began to hover closer to him. By his look, he was not pleased about his current situation. I bet if I followed through with that plan he would even kill me the second I turn my back from him.

“Who wrote that note?” I asked.

“It was already there, we figured you would come this way. Set a trap, boom!” He said. His breath was starting to get shorter, guess that sucking chest wound was doing it's magic.

“Why” I asked leveling a coyote emblazoned 44 mag to his head.

“My boss wants you dead! You killed 30 of us. You think that shit goes unnoticed? He's got everyone looking for you and when he finds out you're looking for that zebra he's going to go after her too.” He said.

“Who's going to tell him.” I asked smiling. From the expression on his face, he had not thought that far ahead.

“What? He finds out everything! And when he finds out about this, he's going to string up your ugly ass, beat you and make you watch as we all take turns with your little zebra mare-”

BANG!

The round tore it's way through his skull, sending one of his eyeballs flying into the now bombed out campfire.

"Your sticks and stones may break my bones but my hollow points expand on impact. Should have kept your muzzle shut."

Well, that was informative...and graphic. Honestly you would think stupidity was contagious by what he said. But nevertheless, now I know that the rest of the slavers are after me and that Zu was still out there. It wouldn't take long for her to make her presence know if she's game for leaving me notes now and Celestia knows that slavers love them some zebras. The last thing I want to do is deal with them if they have that amount of leverage on me from the start. So it looks like finding Zu just took the top 5 list on my “shit to do” schedule.

I took stock of the situation, OK I need a plan here. She went north before, would she do it again? Maybe. But I don't think she would have reached out to one of my friends in New Appleloosa if she had. Chances are that she's still keeping her profile low seeing as most of Equestria is not a fan of zebras. I don't think she would head east, that would only lead her to more trouble and, even if she was emboldened by the situation, she wouldn't do that. Highly doubt south, that would put her going back to the place she ran from, not to mention I would have seen signs of her had she. If Zu knows me then she would know the things I would look for, directions I would have been heading, places to hide things.

That leaves west and north, so what... a quarter of Equestria? Great...just great. I wiped off the bits of slaver that were now on my muzzle and cheek. OK, back to the rock of inspiration, there has to be some clue there for me to find. Trotting back over to the rock it dawned on me that had she made it as far as my tree, why wouldn't she had left something there for me, some sign or clue? Was she still running scared? Why go that far and then decide to leave a note on a rock on the other side of the mountain. Then again a direct message connecting her to me would have sent a pretty damn big red flag if they were in the same spot. At least this way there would be some deniability between the two messages, nevertheless it was still a big risk but one she still felt needed taking.

Reviewing the rock once more showed that she gave no direction to where she was going, just the same letters that were in my memory were still on the rock, nothing new. Not a thing. Even her name Zuri. Wait. Not her name. On the other rock the Z in Zuri had a small squiggly tail that pointed down like an arrow. But here the squiggle was at the top and pointed up and left, pointing to the word hope.

“What the hell? Hope? I got hope! What I need is a direction! What the hell is hope? hope ain't on a compass you secretive stripped butthole.” I yelled at the rock.

Maybe it was a sign, maybe it was just her getting all fancy with her skilled zebra glyphs, but it was too vague to tell. At any rate getting pissed off at a chunk of granite wasn't going to do me any good. "OK. Calm down Joey... if she's trying to tell you something with all this, what could it be." I said to myself, trying to calm my brain into rational thought. Hope. What does that mean? Part of something from the past, some detail about her, a location? I've never heard of a town called hope before. Maybe it's a place, rather than a town. Ugh! Why does this have to be so difficult! I have figured out problems before, why is it though, that every time something like this involves her, I can't even think straight! Maybe it's a place I've been before, if that were the case, maybe my pipbuck would have a marker for it.

I opened my Pipbuck's map feature and began scrolling along the terrain looking for anything with the word hope in it. Why can't these thing's just have a search feature! I have been all over the place in the last 10 years, sometimes not eating for days when I was on jobs because of the distance I had to travel. I have markers for as far as I can see and some markers on top of markers! It seems like every time I went somewhere and found something, this damn thing would drop a marker. Oh look, there's Ponyville, oh and over there is Canterlot, hey there's where I took a shit 5 years, 3 month and 48 seconds ago! What a useful little pile of shit you are!

I begin mashing buttons and turning knobs furiously in aggravation, all the while muttering obscenities under my breath at the piece of crap. At some point I hit an button in a menu and was nearly blinded by a bright flash followed by lines, dots, numbers and chevrons. For a brief moment I thought I was dying, finally giving myself a stroke and all the bright green numbers were my brain shutting down for good.

“AHH! OH GODDESSES, OH GODDESSES! NOT NOW! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!!!” I screamed thrashing about the canyon floor.

“WHAT IN THE SWEET FUCK IS 'E.F.S.'!? EXTREMELY FUCKING SCARY MODE?!” I screamed again as I fought with overly advanced toaster on my leg.

OK, not dying. I'm still alive but what all is this shit in my vision. Two bars, bottom left and right, complemented by little chevrons in the center of my vision. To the bottom right I had a display with a full bar of parallel vertical lines atop a box with 0/0 in it. In the bottom left I had yet another set of lines forming a bar with a host of little letters below it, I quickly deduced that it was a compass. Oh how I wish I had that soooo many times in the past.

After several minutes of trying to get all the lights to go away with no effect, I decided to just accept the fact that I had now become a walking computer. Granted a very stupid walking computer. But hey! Now I has a compass! Moving up in the world! It occurred to me at that moment that I had forgot to replace the fired round in the chamber of Righty. I drew the pistol from its rested position and well well well. So that's what that 0/0 was for! The numbers in my bottom right of my vision changed from the depressing 0/0 to 5/98 the moment I had the pistol drawn.

“So I have a round counter now huh?” I said as I withdrew a round of P.M.C. .44 magnum from my bags and replace the spent casing with a fresh round of ammunition.

For a moment the screen flashed 0/97 and then when I closed the cylinder back, it flashed to 6/97, I even had a little icon showing me that I was holding a .44 magnum pistol. Neat! I took note that when I moved the pistol about, the little chevrons in my vision would move about with it, the two outer ones expanding while in motion and contracting back down when they stopped.

“If this is what I think it is....” I muttered, taking aim at a small rock about 30 yards away. Focusing on the chevrons and doing my best to keep them steady, I slowly depressed the trigger and sent a round directly into it. The rock exploded into tiny bits of gravel, peppering me with dusts and shards of granite.

I fell back on my hunches, cradling both the pipbuck and the pistol in one hoof and began to hear angels start to sing. Even with the clouds I could feel warm light bathing me and a cockiness I had never felt before! Raising the pistol to the air and standing on my hind legs I yelled.

“I HAVE THE POOOOOWER!!!!”

I took the next hour playing around with all the different functions of the E.F.S. Pulling out different guns, foods, shooting at the odd rock that gave me a shifty look. There was a bit of a period where I thought I broke everything and was going to be stuck in a sort of slow motion limbo when I activated a thing called S.A.T.S. But when I discovered I could use it to place rounds in multiple targets, at distance, in different locations with a percentage based hit probability, I nearly had an orgasm right then and there. I felt like my abilities to be accurate had just been quadrupled, making me one hell of a formidable pony to deal with.

Admittedly, my ability to take out targets at distance was always on par with some of the better shots I had met in my life. However my short game left a lot to be desired, I was never much of a close quarters shooter, seeing as I never saw it as necessary in my line of work. Usually I would just booby trap a location and force them to put on a pair of cuffs with the threat of death from above. Not to mention that the vast majority of jobs I had taken in my time were missing ponies and two bit thugs, not harden criminals. So the need for hoof to hoof combat or shooting anything closer than say 50 yards was not a habit for me. But with this, I feel like I could take on a herd of zombies right here in this valley with just my pistols!

S.A.T.S. did have a drawback to it. The first time around, I couldn't figure out how to exit it and the way I found out that I could engage multiple targets was when I haphazardly placed markers on letters on Zuri's note. When I engaged, I blasted the rock to hell and back with both 44 magnums and succeeded in not only destroying the rock but peppering myself with the close range blowback of lead and copper. There was also the need for it to recharge in between uses, granted I could just hop in and out and only deplete a bit at a time but that would leave little to discerning targets.

This was truly power in the hooves of an idiot to say the least. The fact that I could operate S.A.T.S. made me want to go and find some slavers to pick a fight with but that was soon diminished when I noticed the bar in my bottom right fading to one bar less than what it was before. A health bar? Now that was stupid, I can feel when I'm dying, I don't need something to tell me that I am. But that thought was short lived as well when I came close to the foodstuffs in the slaver's camp and decided to munch down on some snack cakes they had.

I was then told I was ingesting rads and the little needle that had been in the green for so long, flickered to life and returned to it's rested position, just ever so slightly moving the other bar in my vision closer to red. Ah a contamination monitor. Well that's handy, at least now I can see how bad the food really is for me at Peach's next time I stop in. This little contraption has everything a pony could need in the wasteland, with it I could see how all those stable ponies would be able to make a go at survival. Yup it's got everything....EXCEPT A DAMN SEARCH FUNCTION!

Oh well, a win's a win I always say, I guess I couldn't have thought of half the things on this contraption had I designed it myself. So putting that past some ponies 200 years ago and holding them accountable for not thinking of it was stupid. Just the same, of all the things on here, not having a search function would be like having the best rifle in all the world with no sights or scope. Apart from that I could see everypony wanting one of these, had they knew what all they were capable of.

A bit of embarrassment crept over me when I realized I had been the particular owner of this pipbuck for over 9 years and just now discovered all of it's features. For all my tinkering with it, I had found that it never really worked quite right for me, actually now that I think of it, there were times it outright would crash! Usually not a big deal for me, I grew up reading maps. But sometimes it would put me in situations where I had no clue if I had any ammo for my pistols. Those times sucked a long hard one but, what really sucked is when it went down for about a week last month while I was out salvaging Hoofington. I had found a particularly nice 10mm pistol that had been nickel plated, compensated and had 5 mags of hollow points with it. I ended up selling it for 50 caps to a pony in Megamart and later found out it was worth almost 3 times that much. I had come to rely on the onboard value of items to the point where the numbers were nonnegotiable and let my own skills slack off. Cost me 100 caps.

“OK, I have flashy, blinky lights, caps, ammo... scratch that last one. I have some ammo, no food or water and a severe headache. Better odds than I have had in the past at least.” I said scrolling through my inventory.

If I was going to go after Zu, then I was in need of supplies first, no way I was about to head out to the north without any. Particularly near Ponyville area, that place is just stupid with raiders and while not much of a match at distance, they have a way of popping up around corners. The last thing I need is to get stabbed in the ass and not have at least some med-x or bandages. Don't get me wrong, I like to think of myself as quite the tough pony, but when it comes to serious injury, I can be a bit of a wuss.

It would probably do me some good to make that run to New Appleloosa, I could crash out for the night and do some trading in the morning. I think that I know just the pony to put me up come to think of it, maybe call in a favor with him? Well that is if he's still there or not dead. Caliber has always had a way with words and by “a way” I mean a way of getting his flank over his head and pissing off whole towns of ponies. Personally I think he's a funny guy but other ponies say I have a morbid sense of humor.

OK, so it's north to New Appleloosa, then back this way to try and pick up a trail. In the time up to New Appleloosa and back I should have thought of something to find Zu. If not I'll come back here and start fresh and work my way out in a grid pattern until I find her. If I don't find her on the first go then I'll start pushing east in the northern territories and try to find sign of her there. This should do wonders for my reputation, take several years off to roam the countryside to find a long lost girlfriend. Talk about stalker dedication! Oh well, no time like the present, best get a move on.

“OK, Ms. Stripey Butt, I'm coming....eventually!!” I said as I took flight to the air and pointed myself north to New Appleloosa.

The town of New Appleloosa never looked so good to me. After hours in the air and over two days without sleep, it sure is going to feel nice to lay on something other than dirt for a change. After leaving Hoofington and my sis behind for my yearly trek, I hadn't slept or eaten much. So to say I was tired and hungry would be a understatement. Couple that with my ever growing headache and a general sense of urgency to get a move on this zebra hunt, I was in a pretty bad mood.

Leaving the canyon, I did my best to search for any signs that Zu may have left for me but came up empty hooved. Had I ventured that had the little arrow pointing to the word Hope been a actual clue, then maybe she wouldn't have left anything for quite some ways. But just to err on the side of caution, I decided to take a look for myself to verify that it had been the only clue she left. Too many times when I was younger I passed up, at times, valuable clues that would have saved me a lot of time by going off a hot lead. Not to mention it's easier to track a pony when you have no doubt that you have exhausted every resource at your disposal.

Finally I touched down just outside of the gate of New Appleloosa and began my trot into town, I would need to stop by Absolutely Everything first and see about some supplies before I could rest easy. Then I would have to track down Caliber and see about a bed to crash in for the night. Yes I could pay for a room and sleep at the Inn, but I know what goes on in those places. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind being dirty or even downright nasty, but waking up with my cheek glued to a pillow? Gross!

“Well if it isn't Joey, I don't think I've seen you in years boy!” Said Railright.

“Hey Sheriff, how's things?” I asked, trotting through the gates.

“Oh same old same old. Been dealing with all these new folks in town. It gets a might bit hard to keep order when your population doubles over night.”

“So that's where all those slaves ended up I heard about on the radio. I'd say you do got your hooves full then.”

“Son, I ain't had a drop of whiskey since, and trust me, it ain't for a lack of needing it. Speaking of needing, boy you ever gona' put some meat on them bones? Your belly's lookin' a bit concave. ”

“I heard that, I haven't eating well this last year, work's been too busy to post up anywhere longer than an day. Sis say's she likes me like this, say's it makes me look fit. Say Sheriff, is Ditzy around? I'm running low on stock and need to do some trading.”

“Yeah she's around, I think she's in the shop. Say, what brings you our way anyhow? Ditzy said she saw you up northeast ways just a week ago.”

“Yeah, I was up there. Had a bounty to collect, turned sour fast though. I ended up letting her go when I found out I got tricked into working for slavers.”

“Well then, that explains a good bit. I had heard you stirred up quite a bit of trouble with some of Red Eyes boys. Some of the folks are saying you got a bounty of your own now.”

“Really? How much? Might turn myself in if the price is right and retire rich.”

“Now, you know as well as I do there's more than one way to skin a cat. And son, your skinning it with a rock if you think you can start a war with Red Eye by your lonesome.”

“I know, I know. But you know how I feel about them and the nature of my business means I have to come face to face with them near constantly. Now I think they know about Zu, so that's complicated our relationship further.”

“Hey, speaking of zebras...” The sheriff paused tapping his muzzle. Oh great, here comes the “You still hunting down that old girlfriend of yours?” talk. Now I remember why I never come here, well that and Ditzy is almost never here these days.

“One of the new fellers was talking about seeing a Zebra out past Ponyville just the other day. Said she was working her way up north and ducked out of sight when he saw her.”

“Yeah, yeah. Let me guess, she was purple and had great big ears and was flying around farting rainbows right?” I asked jokingly. Over the years, I had gained a bit of a reputation as “The buck who's hunting a zebra ghost”. This had lead to more than one seemingly comical remark compounded by the fact that I am, in fact, a tracker.

“No, seriously Joey. The boy came back all torn up about it. Said he thought it was a ghost when he saw her.”

“Your not just messing with me are you? When was this?” I asked with a growing serious expression.

“About a week back. The feller was up there looking for scrap metal when he saw her. Came back empty hooved and crawled in the bar.”

“Where is he now? I found something back at the canyon, a note she left for me.” I said growing more and more despite.

“Oh he's dead. Poor boy went back that way with a few other bucks to bring back the load he dropped. They got ambushed by raiders on the way back. He didn't make it.”

“SHIT!! EVERY FUCKING TIME!” I screamed. Somewhere up there, there's a group of maniacal supreme beings that are just laughing their asses off at me.

“Now calm down kid, ain't no need in getting all worked up over this. If I recall that asshole Caliber took note of it and questioned him the morning before he left out.”

“Seriously? Caliber did that?” I asked arching a brow.

“Trust me, I'm just as shocked as you are. But I swear its the only time I think I have seen that boy be sincere about anything. He even had a notepad and kept sayin' 'wait till joey hears about this'.”

“If you say Caliber is dead then I swear....” I started.

“Nah, I mean well all kinda wish he was, but last I saw he was in Turnpike Tavern. Look, I need to get back to my rounds, still got a lot of folks to take note of. Best get in Ditzy's store before she shuts it up for the night. Good seein' ya Joey.” Railright said as he trotted off.

“You too Sheriff.” I said as I turned for Absolutely Everything's door.

Now that's unexpected, usually I'm met with the usual “Quick over there! Its her!” or the like when I come here. Since this was the first place I came after meeting her and getting my cutiemark, the entire town knows the story already. And over the years they have found new and inventive ways to pick on me about it. To make things worse, the near constant follow up conversations are always about Lue, Boss and Shale. The latter I don't mind talking about but the two former, I'd rather not. Its been over 8 years since I lost Boss but it's still fresh in my memory like it was yesterday. I still think about Lue from time to time but lets face it, it's hard to miss someone that spent most of their time picking on you, hence why I rarely come here.

But if Caliber actually did do the impossible and do something nice for me by interrogating the witness, then I might actually have something here. Even the thought of him doing such a thing is setting off warnings in my head that something is amiss. Sure he and I are friends, we crack jokes together and even have worked together on more than one occasion, but actually thinking of me? No way, not in a million years would he do such a thing. Come to think of it, I don't have anypony that I would trust to do something nice for me without wanting something in return. Well, Shale, but she's more family than anything. I could trust her with my life if it came down to it, but as far as Cal and I, I don't think I would take that chance. If that was the case, I couldn't really call him a friend of sorts, more of a intermittent partner if I had to pin a label to it.

I guess that's the axiom of working alone and never staying somewhere long enough to make any real friends. Sure I had acquaintances and even the odd casual friend but, a friend, like a friend friend? I never really thought about it. outside of Shale I really didn't have anypony who I could hang that title on. Now Caliber is more of a partner in crime, but I guess I never really thought of him as somepony I could count on without payment. He always has a angle that he was working, some way that would make him plenty of caps to keep him stocked on booze and broads. But to be honest, I had never looked past the thick vainer of ass that was Caliber to see if he was anything more than... well... an ass.

The old shop of Absolutely Everything was just as I remembered it, even the fetid stench had not changed. A mixture of soured milk and rotten meat hung in the air, mixing with the dust that swirled as I walked about. Rows and rows of goods sat on the shelves, waiting to be traded for other items that too would be bartered away one day. Ditzy, despite falling apart herself, did quite a nice job of keeping the place tidy, I just wish she would do something about the smell. I guess when you're a ghoul pony, the first thing to go is in fact your smell, mercifully no doubt.

Ditzy emerged from the stock room pushing a box of assorted can goods and medical bandages with her front hooves. Upon seeing me she waved at me and, at the same time, lost her balance, toppling the box of goods across the floor. I tried to help her pick them up but was met with a never the mind wave of the hoof and a motion to approach the counter.

“Hey D, how's business?” I asked politely.

With a swing of her head, she flung the chalkboard from around her neck onto the countertop and began to scribble with her mouth. I have had several conversations with Ditzy in the past but to this day I can't get past what it must be like to have to taste chalk every day. I still have no idea how she lost her tongue, I could never find the right words to ask her such a delicate question. All the same, she had managed writing very well, all things considered.

“Good! Long time no see!” She wrote.

“I know, it's been three years. Work kept me busy. You're looking well.” I said.

“Your kind, something I can get for you?” She asked.

“Yes actually, I made a list. I hope you don't mind.” I said sliding the crumpled up paper across the counter. I had learned that dealing with Ditzy can be difficult at times but if you know how to prepare for it, it's not so bad. In fact, since she lost her ability to speak, it has really cut down on the useless chatter from shop patrons.

“Thank you. Will have everything in morning.” She wrote.

“No problem. It's good to see you D.” I said, leaning over the counter for a hug. Yes it's gross but out of all the traders I have dealt with in my life, she has always been kind to me and never done me wrong.

“Heard they saw Zuri. True?” She wrote.

“Maybe, I don't know yet. But I think Caliber got a description from the buck that saw her.” I said.

Ditzy scrunched her nose in clear disdain but soon returned to the soft glare that I'm use to seeing. It's no secret that Ditzy and Caliber are not fans of each other, him a very anti ghoul kinda guy and her...a ghoul.

“Hope you find her.” She wrote.

“Thanks D, you will be the first to know if I do.” I said with a soft smile.

“Want me to adjust holster?” She asked.

“Actually, yeah if you don't mind. Its been biting into my wings.” I said shucking off the the leather barding and placing it on the counter. “Thanks again D, I'm going to go see a pony about a zebra.” I said walking out the door. Ditzy trotted off with my holster and pistols for the second time in my life, it had been so long since I had been without them that it made me feel naked. For some reason I always felt safe when I had them, almost like I had Boss standing right beside me when I had them drawn. It was a feeling of having complete control over any situation that came my way. Not to mention my coat was all fluffed up and matted where it had chafed around my wings making me look mangy and unkempt. What, a guy can't strive to look good from time to time?

Across town, the Turnpike Tavern was more full of life than I had seen it ever before. Ponies came and went freely, some on all fours and others being assisted by their friends and one particularly drunk mare in a wheelbarrow screaming that she had one more drink left in her. Well if nothing else maybe doing some "pony watching'' would do me some good if Caliber wasn't here. What am I saying, he's always at the bar.

Sure enough as soon as I trotted through the door, I saw his mop of dark blue rat nest he called a mane. Tail dangling off the side of the seat and into floor, partially obscuring his bullet cutiemark on his ashy white coat. Dirty, mangy and no doubt that he stunk to high heaven. Yup, just as I left him from our last trip together, I bet he hasn't even bathed since then either. Even his lighter features of his mane and tail were so dirty looking that they looked more black than cyan. Honestly, he's a good looking guy, if he would just bathe once in awhile he could find a mare and settl...yeah like he would do that. Boy's probably got 15 kids out there somewhere, like he would settle down.

I trotted his way and was spotted instantly by him, it's like he has a sixth sense when I'm around him, he just knows I'm there. Caliber took his gaze away from his pack of smokes and regarded me for a moment. And here it comes.

“Joey! Bout time you got here, I was starting to think you were going to stand me up for our date.” Caliber said in a slightly inebriated slur.

“Sorry, but all the salons were closed down, Honestly you would think a bomb went off or something. I just couldn't do a thing with my mane.” I replied with a over exaggerated flip of my hair.

“You always were the girly type, always primping and preening. Tell me, do you still sit down to pee?”

“Only over your pillow. Are you still trying to date that farmer's sheep?”

“Too whiny, always baaa baaa baaa. Never once did she ask me how I felt. Also he shot at me last time I was there. Rude!” he replied waving his hoof at the situation. His gesture being met by the sudden appearance of a fresh drink from a overworked Apple Whiskey.

“It's good to see you Cal!” I said

“Likewise Joey!” He said, falling out of the booth to attempt a hug. Despite his obvious flaws as a pony, Caliber can be a good guy to hang out with. If something goes wrong or if you screw up, he will usually take the blame for it, regardless if he actually did it or not. He was always looking for some interaction, some outlet to get his frustrations out, usually at the expense of somepony's ego. This had granted him the reputation of being a complete dick most of the time. So much so that he was rarely in one town for more than a year, but for some reason he had stuck around New Appleloosa for over three now.

“I figured you would be coming this way. Just can't shake the stripe fever eh?” He asked.

“I found a note from her. It was fresh and I figured, why not give it one more go. Sheriff said you talked to somepony who might have seen her?” I asked, sitting down in the worn out old booth.

“Well, you'll be happy to know that the buck that saw her gave me every juicy detail he had before I killed him.”

“Cal, he was killed by raiders... and yeah I heard you had taken down some notes. I was hoping you could help me out.”

“Is that what the paper said? Jeez, how is a pony supposed to start a career as a serial killer with them mucking things up. Damn shame. And here I thought I was doing good by not leaving any witnesses.”

“Wait, you didn't actually kill him...did you?” I asked. Sometimes with Caliber, it was hard to gauge whether or not he was joking or serious. I wouldn't put it past him to milk the poor buck for everything he knew and outright murder him. But then again Cal had never done anything like that before...had he? With the arc of a brow I got my answer.

“Funny, what did you find out...seriously... you of all ponies know how much something like this means to me.” I said

“OK, OK Jeez. I was just goofin'.” He said as he reached for a dirty old notebook with “Caliber's detective agency” on the front cover. If that wasn't enough he had even came up with a catchphrase for his faux business "You lose em' we find em'... Results may vary". Cute.

''The buck said he was out gathering scrap and saw a zebra heading north from Ponyville, She was moving between buildings and had not seen them yet but from the distance he said it looked like she had stripes.” Cal said.

“Like you do when you're a Zebra...” I said twirling a hoof in the air. The motion was met with a response in the form of a glass of apple whiskey being placed before me. I was a bit surprised, it was almost like the bartender was waiting to throw liquor at my face or something and the slight gesture was just what he was waiting for. But just the same, I now have whiskey, I shall now consume whiskey.

“Says here that he thinks he made out that she had purple eyes. And no before you ask, I didn't bait the question. I just asked what her eye color looked like.” He said looking over the booklet.

“I didn't say anything. But good boy.” I replied, patting him on the head.

“Thank you! He said once they spotted her she changed directions and headed west but they think they saw a set of prints that doubled back later down the road.”

“She's covering her tracks. Smart. OK so north, what's north of Ponyville...” I said looking at my pipbuck.

“Oh loads of awesome stuff! Raiders, Ticks, Timberwolves, super Timberwolves, Hellhounds, Hope Solar Array, old ass farm where they used to make drugs, super irradiated legendary Timberwolves...”

“Wait, Hope Solar Array? Where's that?” I asked.

“In between the Hellhounds and the old ass farm. Pay attention. There's also the Everfree Forest, but that place is a killzone these days.” he continued.

“You know what I meant.” I said through my teeth.

“Luna's sweet crotch titties, lighten the fuck up. Just north of Ponyville, between it and the Everfree Forest. Why, need to recharge your dildo?”

“No, but if I'm right then that's my next stop. She left me a note back in the canyon and if I was reading it right she left a mark leading to hope.” I said. The Hope Solar Array. I had never been there or near the Everfree Forest. That explains why I couldn't find it on my map, I didn't have a location for it because I had never been there. If what I'm thinking is true then Zu is maybe hiding nearby and I should be able to pick up sign of her there.

“Cal, I was wondering, would you mind if I crash at your place for the night?”

“Woah there little missy, what do I look like, a whore? Caliber doesn't put out on the first date.” He proclaimed, putting a hoof to his chest and then belching.

“Please, only for tonight. I'm heading out to Ponyville first thing in the morning and I'll be out of your tail.”

“You know you're always welcome at my place Joe. So long as sleeping on a pee covered pillow doesn't bother you.”

“Cal, you know I didn't pee on your pillow.” I said covering my face with a hoof.

“Who said it was your pee. Now, what do ya say, we get some more drinks and paint this town striped!” Cal said, flagging down the bartender.

“I don't know, I'm pretty beat. May be best...wait, who peed on your pillow?” I asked in shock

“Nonsense! My best friend comes in town and he want's to sleep? No way! Let's have some fun!”

“Best friend? Pillow pee? What!?” I said as I was lead away by Cal to the bar.

OK, this was a new level of pain I was in. My head feels like it's about to explode and my guts feel like someone pulled them all out and minced them in a blender. Cal had insisted that we stay and drink for another hour before we went...somewhere to do...something. Shit I can't remember, I can't think past the pounding in my head and whatever was trying to claw its way out of my stomach. Did I eat radroach last night? Jeez it feels like it's trying to make it's way from my stomach to my tail hole via machete. Why am I wearing sunglasses... where did I even get sunglasses? That better be my own urine I'm smelling or somepony's gonna die.

Cal had at some point lead me to the couch for me to sleep on, the pillow was in fact damp but I can't tell if its from sweat or my worst nightmare. I tried to move to sit up but my body insisted that I remain motionless until the world stopped trying to kill me with nausea and crushing pain. What the hell happened last night? This is even worse than the last time Cal decided to take me drinking in Flank. And he ended up fathering a child while I was there no less!

From my view off the couch, I could see his entire shack, including his bedroom door and the toilet in the middle of the room. Now why is that a thing! You don't want to be watched sleeping but don't care if the whole world sees you rocking out a deuce? Truly he's a rare breed of pony, but I would think he would at the very least put up a curtain for his guests. Who am I kidding, all of Caliber's guests are either too drunk to care or being paid to be there.

Just as I was about to make my second attempt at rejoining the world of the living, Cal's bedroom door clicked, and began to slowly creek it's way open. I decided to try my best not to move in hopes of scaring the hell out of him as payback for the night before. Maybe if I faked my own death he would think twice before trying to make me drink my weight in whiskey again. Who am I kidding, he would just try harder next time. Besides, it's my own fault for drinking with a guy who says, it's not a party until somepony dies.

Just as I was about to speak up, a tuft of white puffy hair poked it's head out of the doorway followed by a set of ears, a shaved body....it was a sheep. From somewhere deep in his room I could just make out Cal saying in hushed tones “Shoo! Go! Go!”. No sooner than the sheep cleared the doorway, a second came shortly thereafter and began chewing on the carpet. Cal had kidnapped a farmer's sheep and brought them back here to....OK not thinking about that.

Soon Cal emerged from the room wearing a mangy old bathrobe and holding a broom with his magic, using it to shoo his bedfellows out the door. I could feel tears running down my cheek from the restrained laughter and the pain from biting my lip to keep quiet. Soon he had managed to herd the poor creatures to the front door of his shack and was about to open it when one of the sheep decided now would be a great time to have a poo.

“Damn it Speckles! Not on my floor!” Cal said trying his best to keep quiet.

That did it, I could hold back him kidnapping sheep, even trying to hide the fact he did it, but he actually named them. The dam broke and I lost it, falling into the floor and crying in laughter. The pain in my head was so intense that I began to dry heave and eventually vomit on the floor, all the while laughing and trying not to wet myself.

“You...you actually named her?” I asked through laughing, gagging sobs.

“Shut up! It's not what it looks like!” Cal said trying to push “Speckles” out the door.

“Now..Cal, no need to be a bad host cuz I'm here. Aren't you going to introduce me?” I said still trying not to wet myself.

“SHUT IT! You ever tell anypony about this, I'll shave your coat off!” Cal screamed.

“Why, so I can look more like your girlfriend?” And I just wet myself. Cal took note of the other sheep making a meal of my pile of sick on the floor.

“DAMN IT RAMONE! STOP EATIN' FUCKING PUKE! WE TALKED ABOUT THIS!” Cal yelled.

“CAL! OH CELESTIA WHY! STOP! PLEASE STOP! I'M GOING TO PASS OUT! HAVE YOU NO SHAME” I screamed, now in physical pain from the amusement.

“YOU KNOW I DON'T! NOW HELP ME GET THESE FUCKERS OUT OF HERE BEFORE THE FARMER COMES BACK!” Cal yelled.

“ I can't! I can't! I think I'm dying. Cal I can't even right now!” I screamed.

“I HATE YOU! I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU!” Cal bellowed.

After I had regained my composure and Cal had ushered his ladies of the evening out the door, I took the next hour to try and overcome the complicated task of walking. Why was the world still moving, I'm just standing here and it feels like I'm floating to the ceiling. If I survive this, I'm going to never drink again and I'm going to kill Caliber until he dies from it. I stink, I feel like crap and I can't feel my left hind leg, who would want to do this to themselves. This is the worst feeling I have ever felt and I have drank plenty in my time, but I have never had a hangover this bad. Damn you apple whiskey and your seductively sweet flavor!

“Hey Joe, you OK?” Cal asked.

“I think I was over served last night. My head feels like it's in a vice."

“Well, that's what you get for wrestling Crane.''

“Wait what!? I got in a fight with Crane!? I like him, what did I do to piss him off?”

“Oh you didn't piss him off, you two were just drunk and messing around. You said you thought you could take him. You didn't.” Cal said, packing his bags for the day

“Why would you let me do that!”

“I don't know, seemed like a good idea at the time. To be fair you held your own for a while, but he sent you flying across the yard."

“Wait I what now? I don't remember any of this.” I said, trying to rub the pain from my head.

“Ah, well, he was pretty worried he killed you there for a while. You landed on top of the Inn, took you a while to come too. But when you screamed “I can smell semen from up here!” He relaxed a bit.”

“So that's why my leg is numb and why my head hurts."

“No, that probably came from where you decided to try and fly down to earth from the roof.”

“Try? So I was so drunk I couldn't fly?”

“Oh I'm sure you could, but you had your wings tied to your body. It was part of the bet in the fight.” Cal said, now putting on his saddle bags.

“Wait what! You let me jump off a building with my wings tied up!?” I screamed.

“What. You lived. Landed on your head. Nothing important broken.”

“Why do I hang out with you...” I said, burying my head in my hooves.

“Oh you know you love me, hey, don't you have a zebra to marry, virginity to loose or something? Best get a move on, sun's been up for an hour.” Cal said walking out the door.

“Yeah, I guess I need to get to Ditzy's and pick up my gear and head out.” I said following him out the door.

Cal and I parted ways as soon as his door shut, him heading off to Celestia only knows where and myself to Absolutely Everything. The town was quiet this morning, usually when I'm here and up this early, everyone is moving around and getting started for the day. But for some reason, everything is oddly quiet, it's like the whole town stayed out late and was hungover. Passing by one of the few ponies that were out and about, sealed that thought with a kiss. The poor buck was barely managing to walk straight. As soon as I passed him by, he let out a dry heave and ducked behind a barrel, followed by a choirs of bodily noises I knew all too well.

Jeez! Did Cal get the whole town drunk or something? It's like he has his own brand of radiation that he gives off, causing a critical case of alcohol poisoning. Cal has been known to throw quite a few parties in his time, many I have been a apart of, but few that I had partaken in. The last time I did was back in Flank and the aftermath resulted in a broken wing and waking up in a tree. I have been told that when I drink I get overly emotional, but I have also been told that if I keep drinking that I become somepony completely different. Add Caliber to that equation and I have been known to cause myself great bodily harm in my never ending mission to have “fun”.

Granted I always paid my price the next morning but Cal on the other hoof just prefers to skip town and leave what will be, to be just that. Luna only know's how many kids he has fathered in his short life and now, maybe even a few sheep? Can sheep and ponies even...not thinking about it! What would they even look like, would they have Cal's coat in a woolly form? What about the eyes, sheep have those creepy eyes, would those be like pony eyes or just blue like his? Would they just look like ponies but twice as dumb...no then they would just be miniature versions of Cal... hey didn't I say stop thinking about this?

Walking through the door of Absolutely Everything, I was greeted by Ditzy who rushed over to me and began looking me over. She had the oddest expression on her face, almost like a mother who had just found her lost colt and was looking them over for injuries. She looked me over fore and aft in her relentless search for broken bones and cuts finally coming to my hind leg that I pulled away at her touch. The numbness was subsiding but a new, fresh pain was starting to set in during my walk over. It felt dull and achy, almost like it had been hit by a bat the day before. Not so much that I couldn't walk but it was in fact starting to make movement more tricky.

Ditzy examined it closer and began to poke at it with her hoof, over and over again. Each time met with a “ow” or a mild squeak from me from the sharp, throbs of pain. Having sufficiently poked my leg two or three dozen times, she concluded her search for problems with a swing of her chalk board, dropping it to the floor and began to scribble.

“I think you hurt your leg.” She wrote.

“Yeah? How'd you guess?” I squeaked out. Ok the pain was really setting in now and her pokes and jabs didn't help.

“You said ow.” She wrote.

“Okay... Yeah I think I hurt it last night. Funny it just now started hurting, it's been numb all morning.”

“Candi numb it?”

“Must have, I hope its not broken. Were you able to find the things I needed?” I asked. Ditzy nodded and rushed off to the back room to retrieve the items from my list. I started to lift my hind leg off the floor and began to hop to the counter to start conducting business when Crane came walking in.

“Joey! You're alive. Oh good.” Crane said with a look of relief on his face.

“Yeah, I think so. But I'm afraid my case of chronic stupidity might be going terminal.” I said still favoring my right leg.

“Look, I saw ya come in here and just wanted to say I'm pretty sorry about kicking your flank like that. I knew you was drunk and all but I can't pass up a good scuffle.”

“Ain't no thing. I don't even remember what happened to be honest.” I said forcing a smile.

“Yeah well, seems like that leg might recall what happened. You're. lucky Candi was there to mend it when you hit the ground.”

“Wait, Candi was there and still let me jump!?” I said in surprise.

“Hell kid, she had 20 caps and a bottle of Wild Pegasus on you to win.” He said with a chuckle.

“What is wrong with you ponies!” I said with a laugh. At this point I earned any pain I had to deal with so why be mad about it.

“Hey now, I was going to try and levitate you down but I was in stitches when you screamed 'gross it smells like semen and dick friction up here'.” He said laughing.

“I'm sure it did too!” I said mirroring his laugh.

“Hey, by the way, Candi is looking for you. Says she wants to give you a once over before you head out of town. Take care of yourself out there, we want to see you again especially after last night.” Crane said walking out the door.

Smells like semen and dick friction, where in the world did I come up with that one. I swear sometimes its like I have two ponies in my head that can't play nice together. One pony calling the shots and overthinking everything and another pony who takes all the shots, makes all the bad decisions and the best jokes. If they would just work together maybe I would be the charismatic buck all the girls fall for but no, they have to sit in their corners and wait for the other to pass out before one of them takes control.

No sooner than Crane trotted out the door Ditzy had returned with an old milk crate full of my belongings and...was my holster rig black now? She had used her time wisely and generously to rework my old barding into something much better than I had ever had before. The leather was now double layered with armor plating in the center. The once brown scuffed hide was now a deep lustrous black with white stitching, even the buckles looked new!

She must have spent all night on this rig and Celestia only knows how many caps worth of Ar500 steel. She had left the pistols untouched but at the top of the holster, just below my neck now sported my cutiemark embossed into the leather. She had also taken great care to relieve the areas around my wings and rolling the leather up to expose a suede liner just underneath.

She had added straps from the front shoulders that ran across my chest, crossed in the middle and went under my front legs to attach to the underside of the shoulder guards. I couldn't help but feel a bit of pride in her work and how fast she had completed it no less. It was positively awesome looking, somehow she had taken the old worn holster and breathed new life into it, making it a work of art. Even where the old holster met the new leather was seamless, how did she pull all this off.

Ditzy took great care in helping me into my new rigging all the while making small adjustments to the quick detach straps. The holster before stopped just after my wings on either end of my back but now reached from the nape of my neck to my hind quarters. There were reliefs just above my cutiemark with buckles for my saddlebags where once again she had rolled the leather to expose the liner below. It was a bit heavy but sooo comfy! Ditzy having completed the installation, retrieved her chalkboard and wrote.

“You like? Fit OK?”

“Ditzy, I love it but I didn't ask for any of this. You didn't have to spend all night working on this for me.”

“I won 300 caps on your fight.”

“You bet against me? Well. Can't say I blame you, but still, thank you.”

“Everything is in your bags.” She said smiling proudly.

“Ok, I know I don't want to know but how much is this going to cost me.” I asked squeezing my eyes shut.

“Holster's on the house, 341 caps for the gear.”

“Ditzy no, I have to pay you for this.” I said digging for my caps. How do I even put I price on work this good.

“It's your c-day. On the house.” She wrote. By “c-day” I guessed she meant my cutiemark day. Even though I was born in February, Boss had from the day I got my mark, celebrated that day as my birthday seeing as the actual date was a mystery.

“Please, I have to give you something for this. It's beyond amazing!” I said almost pleading with her to take my money. This was a first, I mean D has always been good to me but I have never had to argue over paying somepony before.

“Bring muffins. Even?”

“OK...you win. Muffins it is. It might be awhile but when I get back I'll make a run to Tenpony and get some.” I said in defeat.

“Deal!” She wrote, then walked back behind her counter.

Great, now I have to find muffins in the wasteland. The only place I know of is in Tenpony Tower and last I checked they don't like me very much. In fact I'm pretty sure it was the baker there that I cussed out last time I was asked to leave...great, awesome. Looks like I will be paying for this holster... barding at this point, with extremely overpriced muffins nonetheless. If I can even get in.

Finally! It's time to get this wild zebra chase under way! I've got all my gear, guns, ammo and a spiffy new barding to make this trip an adventure. The only thing I was lacking was confidence in this all going smoothly and me finding anything at all. Sure finding Zuri's note and hearing about a possible sighting had my hopes up, but that had faded to cautious optimism. My heart told me this was the time I was going to find her, but my brain was telling me, don't get your hopes up. Well, only one way to find out, I guess it's time to get a move on.

Candi wanted me to stay in town for a few days to make sure my leg had been set properly and had mended well enough for walking. But when I argued that I could just fly and keep it favored she gave me the 'stupid buck' look and said “ Your leg, not mine”. Taking off and landings were problematic but I figured I could just take it easy and maximize my time in the air so it could rest. It wasn't like I was dying from it, it was just annoying me with a shot of pain whenever I stepped wrong. Also the sad crippled pony on my pipbuck was starting to piss me off. I know my legs jacked up, I don't need you reminding me and that health bar is starting to make me anxious. I liked not knowing when I was near death, this makes it feel like I have a timer on my life.

From the distance I could hear blasts from a shotgun going off and just to my right, the sound of hooves on sand running my way. Instinctively I drew one of my pistols and adopted a sitting position, readying myself for whatever came next. The sound was coming from between the buildings behind me, the galloping growing closer and louder. My E.F.S. began to show a green bar running at a fair clip between the buildings. What could it be now? Bandits? Raiders? Slavers? What!

My questions were answered when Caliber came running out from between the building and tripped, falling flat on his face. He was missing hair on his rump and... was part of his tail gone? What had happened to him? Cal, seeing me, changed course almost on a bit and ran my way.

“Joey, great to see you! Mind if I come along?” Cal said trying to act casual.

“I guess, what's going on, what happened to your tail?” I asked.

“My tail?” Cal said spinning to see the once flowing blue and cyan tail now reduced to a cropped choppy nub. “MY TAIL!” He screamed, his shocked surprise melting into a very convincing pouty face.

“Damn that looks bad-” I was cut off by the shotgun blasts growing closer followed by a red bar entering my vision. Huh, OK so hostiles are red, friendlies must be green. Maybe this thing will come in handy after all.

“No time! You can carry a pony when you fly right?”

“I mean I have done it before but those were just foal-” again cut off, this time by Caliber jumping on my back. My leg gave a protest in the form of blinding agony at the added weight. Almost instinctively I began to flap and pull my lame leg from the earth to relieve the pain. Oh that was heaven!

“Mush bird horse! Mush!” Cal screamed, smacking my flank.

“Ow, what the hell asshole!” I said looking back to him. At that moment I saw the farmer being trailed by two sheep, with a shotgun taking aim at my flank. Just as he pulled the trigger, Ramone I think, gave the farmer a bump of his head to the farmers legs. He then fell to his face and the gun went off, sending buckshot skittering across the ground were my hind legs had been. Fearing for my own tail I pushed off the ground and began to fly as fast as my wings would carry us both.

“Nice holster! Is it new?”

“We not gonna talk about your little problem with the farmer's daughter back there?”

“Oh him? Nah. He's just mad because he thinks I got Speckles pregnant.”

“What the actual fuck Cal.”

“So where are we heading?”

Author's Notes:

Thanks for reading!