Following his impromptu re-entry into the Crystal Empire, King Sombra slept in the following morning with a vengeance. Hours ticked by and still he remained in his old, lavish bed. Ten in the morning. Eleven. Noon. It was only when the pain in his back, neck, and sides grew too unbearable did he finally rise to greet the glorious new day.

“Like sleeping on rocks…” he muttered out, as he literally rolled out of bed. Standing again, he glared at his bare stone bed. It had seemed that when the entire population of the Crystal Empire had randomly vacated the place, they had taken absolutely everything with them—bed sheets, pillows, mattresses and anything else of comfort included. During the night, Sombra had made due with a ratty carpet as a blanket and his own hooves as a pillow. For a moment, he pondered if sleeping outside might’ve been more comfortable, but quickly destroyed such negative thoughts.

Had he forgotten where he was? Where he’d been fighting to get back to from the very beginning? Had he already forgotten his victory over all those who thought it near impossible?

Stretching out his sore back, Sombra stood before his old bedroom mirror—cracked and coated with dust. It made sense, though; that entire wing of the Empire’s castle (the wing that Sombra used to call home so many centuries ago) had been sealed away and left completely untouched by Princess Cadence and the rest.

“What’s cooking, good looking?” Sombra asked his smirking reflection.

His smile was short lived, sadly. And it was evident why.

Having spent so many months living out in the woods without running water or proper grooming tools, Sombra’s looks had taken quite the beating. At once, he made a mental note to do some shopping when he got the chance. Including:

1. Toothbrush

2. Toothpaste

3. Shampoo

4. Conditioner

5. Mane brush

6. Mane gel

7. Back-up bottle of mane gel

8. Mini back-up bottle of mane gel to keep in a saddlebag

With that mental list out of the way, Sombra turned to his nearby walk-in closet and ran a hoof across the seven dozen nearly identical red capes. Feeling bold on his first day back, he selected the cranberry red one and slapped it over his shoulders, shuddering as it ran down his back. All he needed now was a crown, but obviously that could wait. Because first…

Clap-clap-clap!

Sombra loudly clapped two hardened hooves together.

“Slave!” he bellowed out. “Breakfast! Now! Two eggs in a basket, right this instant! With coffee! As black as my soul! And don’t you dare forget the cartoon section of the newspaper for my enjoyment!”

Sombra waited. Then waited some more. Then placed a hoof on his forehead to try and stop his brain from escaping his skull due to his overwhelming stupidity.

“Oh… right,” he said sourly. “The mass exodus of my entire Empire. Very well. Carrying on.”

Minutes later, Sombra sat himself at a rather familiar looking kitchen table, surrounded by rather familiar kitchen objects. Only difference was the complete lack of servants or food. Carefully checking each cabinet for edibles, Sombra settled on a box of expired Pretty Princess cereal while skipping out on the milk—milk that had solidified some weeks ago, forgotten at the back of the fridge.

Again, Sombra clapped two hooves together.

“Slave! Procure more groceries right this instant!”

Rather than strike his forehead again, Sombra ate half of his bowl of old, dry cereal. It truly felt like punishment enough. Then came the idea. The rather brilliant idea, Sombra thought.

At the gates of the Crystal Empire, Sombra stood and smiled at the sign he had nailed to the gate.

“SLAVES WANTED!” the poster read in fat, cartoonish font—the best Sombra could muster holding a black marker between two hooves. In smaller text, it continued: “Think you’ve got what it takes in the competitive world of forced hard labour? Enjoy being ridiculed and yelled at? Pushed around? Bullied? Possibly whipped for disobedience or simply because your King feels like it? Know how to properly feed a pony strawberries in bed? Then it sounds like being one of King Sombra’s personal slaves is the right career choice for you!”

Reading over the top-half of his poster, Sombra sighed in content. “And now to wait for the slaves to roll in…”

“Hey!” a deep voice blurted from behind him. “You Sombra?”

Sombra turned with a grin. His first slave had arrived far faster than he’d thought.

“Why, yes. Yes, I am,” Sombra greeted pleasantly. “Here for the slave position?”

The stallion stared at him quizzically. Around his chest was a safety vest and on his head was a hardhat. “Actually, I’m looking for the new construction site. Supposed to be around here somewhere.”

Sombra raised a curious brow. “More construction? I don’t recall ordering anything else. One theater, one amusement park, and one bar proved expensive enough. You sure you’re not here for the open slave job? Only two years of slave experience required.”

The stallion in the hardhat snorted. “What’s the retirement package like?”

“Retirement upon death,” Sombra replied earnestly. “Say… know how to make crepes?”

The stallion stood motionless.

“Eggs in a basket, perchance?”

Not a word from the stallion.

“Toast? Hold the butter?”

Scratching at the back of his neck, the stallion told Sombra, “You know what? It’s not too cold out here. I can walk for a bit. Plus, I hear this new job is a whole lot bigger than most. I’m sure I’ll find it eventually.” He paused, searching for words. “You take care. Doing… whatever this is.”

The stallion marched on. But not before Sombra got the last word.

“Fine! Be that way! Miss out on the opportunity of a lifetime! You’re hardly slave material anyways! All big and muscular? You’d probably make terrible crepes! Crushing them under your clumsy, giant hooves!”

Only once the stallion was out of earshot and far into the distance (and was that a new structure Sombra could just barely glimpse over there?), did he finally sink into the snow with a pout. Sure, he had his Empire back and that alone was swell and all. But an Empire wholly empty of food, ponies, or comfort? Well, that was just… let’s just call it un-swell.

“I wonder what Cadence is up to,” Sombra muttered aloud. “Or Flurry Heart. Or even Shining. I bet they had a nice warm breakfast this morning.”

Then he shook his head as if a different version of Sombra had taken hold.

“What the heck am I saying! I hate those three! They’re the main reason I couldn’t get back in here to begin with! Screw them! Screw them all! And screw Shining the hardest!”

Storming back inside his Empire, Sombra trotted towards the only place he thought might cheer him up that day.

Sombra stood outside Crazy Carl’s Ice Cream Shack and was momentarily surprised by how little it had changed. While the rest of Sombra’s Empire had normally been all doom and gloom, his personal ice cream parlor remained bright and colorful. Perhaps that was just Sombra’s crutch from the get-go—cold ice cream treats to help cool his heated temper. The poster tacked to the window always helped. The one reading: “Kings eat free! Everyday!” And next to that: “Slaves don’t eat! Ever!”

Pushing open the door, Sombra noted the entrance bell softly jingling above him. Pure nostalgia, he thought.

Regretfully, that’s where the nostalgia trip ended, as the inside of the Shack was mostly dirty and deserted, chairs and tables flipped over while the counter remained uncleaned and overwhelmed with leftover dishes. With a shrug, Sombra took his usual stool at the counter and waited to be served.

And, oddly enough, somepony actually showed.

Slowly, Sombra glanced from side to side, unsure of what he was seeing. He recalled the original Crazy Carl (the owner of this namesake), and this certainly wasn’t him. Truthfully, it looked just like Sombra, but in a red-and-white striped shirt with matching hat, and with a smile thin enough to be called malnourished.

Weirdness, creepiness, craziness aside… Sombra still wanted some ice cream.

“Hey, Carl,” Sombra began calmly enough. “Little slow today, isn’t it?”

“That it is, Mr. Sombra,” the Carl that looked exactly like Sombra replied.

And after one pregnant pause.

“How are things going, Mr. Sombra?”

“Things could be a whole lot better, Carl. They really could,” Sombra reflected. “I mean… I got a whole Empire to myself and somehow, I’m still unhappy? What gives?”

Carl raised both brows. “Perhaps some ice cream might help. What’ll it be, Mr. Sombra?”

Sombra thought on that. “Two scoops of the Crunchy King’s Classic. Better yet. Just leave the container on the counter with a spoon. I’m all alone now, right? So, who cares if I get fat. Black is still slimming, isn’t it?”

“Right as always, Mr. Sombra.”

And as if pulling off some elaborate magic trick, a container of Sombra’s favorite ice cream teleported onto the counter. Sombra got to munching it down instantly, only pausing for air or to toss away the spoon when he found it inferior to his hungrily snapping jaws.

Sombra only ceased eating when an ice cream headache formed. Holding two hooves to his temples, he closed his eyes and growled out in pain. And as quickly as it arrived, it disappeared. Almost too fast.

“Thanks, Carl. That really hit the spot,” Sombra said, before reopening his eyes.

He was alone. Not another soul in the shop. He glanced down and found the remains of a discarded ice cream container covered in dust and dirt—exactly what he now tasted inside his mouth. Had he imagined everything? Including the conversation with Crazy Carl? Again, he glanced down, this time discovering the red-and-white stripped shirt around his chest. He’d been having an entire conversation with himself before dining on dust and dirt.

Solemnly, Sombra sat back on his stool. “I’ve completely lost my mind.”

Then he stared out the window to watch the sun in the sky.

“And I only got out of bed three hours ago.” A pause. “I wonder if that’s a new record.”

While staring out the window, Sombra recalled the new construction job close by.

Obviously, there’d be ponies there, he thought strangely.

“Could you please leave?” the mare holding the hammer asked. “Don’t make us get the supervisor.”

From the moment Sombra had arrived at the ginormous construction site, he’d been carefully eyeing up the workers there for potential slaves. Thus far, very few were biting. Technically, zero were biting. But that didn’t mean he wouldn’t soldier on anyways.

“But look at those strong forelegs of yours,” Sombra continued in an awestruck tone, “perfect for back massages. By the way, do you know how to make souffles? The kind with cheese inside?”

The worker held up her hammer. “No, but I do know how to bash your head in with this.”

Sombra furrowed his brows. “But that’s not really a job requirement. And I haven’t even mentioned what I’m willing to pay you to be one of my slaves.”

“Which is?”

Sombra smiled. “One compliment per year. Here’s a few good examples: Good job! Nice work! Congrats on surviving another year under my rule!”

The mare glanced at her nearby coworkers. “Okay, someone hold him down. I’m gonna see how much of this hammer I can shove down this idiot’s throat before he shuts up.”

But before any hammer action could occur, a familiar voice spoke.

“Any particular reason construction has stopped?”

Sombra spun around, eyes going wide. He wasn’t entirely sure if he was happy or angered by the reveal. A little of both, perhaps?

“C-cadence?” he coughed. “What are you doing here?”

She glanced at the immense structure beside her. Its base must’ve stretched on for miles around—at least a thousand workers working on it from end to end. “Overseeing all this, clearly. And please, please tell me you don’t want inside this one, too.”

Sombra grimaced. “Inside what? This outline of a building?”

“Seriously, Sombra? None of this seems familiar to you?”

Sombra chewed on his tongue. “Should it? I mean… is this Celestia’s new throne room or something? Seems about big enough for her.”

Choosing to ignore the slight, Cadence instead rolled her eyes. “We’re rebuilding the Crystal Empire, Sombra. I thought that would’ve been obvious to you, seeing how much you love the place.”

Sombra’s mouth hung limp. “Rebuilding? Umm… hello, Princess? Have your brains turned to mashed potatoes? There already is a Crystal Empire! I was just there! It’s totally cool and everything! It even has a spooky ice cream shop inside!”

Cadence glared at him. “And yet you’re forgetting one very important difference between these two Empires.”

“Yours has an ice rink? I was always pondering ordering my slaves to build one. For my own personal use, of course.”

Cadence sighed out. “The difference is you, Sombra. Only you.” She held a hoof out towards the original Empire. “You finally have your old Empire back and eventually we will have our own. I know it took some time to finally figure things out and come to a unanimous decision, but… basically, you wore us down. Wore us all down, honestly. Neither Shining nor I could focus on running the Empire while you continually pestered us… so this was the eventual ultimatum we came up with.”

Sombra chuckled richly to himself, viewing the millions and millions worth of work that was about to be erected right in front of him. And all because of him, too. “Never thought of just killing me? I told you I was serious when I said I wanted back inside.”

“I think there’s a rather large difference between someone that’s annoying versus someone worthy of being killed.” Cadence paused. “You might not realize it yourself, Sombra, but you’re definitely not as wicked as you used to be. Or would like to be. Whether that has anything to do with your original defeat, I really don’t know.”

Cocking his head to the side, Sombra told her, “Me? Not evil enough for you? I’m still bad to the bone, baby. Vile. Nasty. Horrible. Disgusting.” Then he stopped as he noticed something. “Speaking of babies, is that Flurry Heart on your back? What’s the little darling been up to lately?”

Indeed, it was the big-headed baby; as Sombra’s pulled a goofy face while approaching.

Flurry Heart had her own expression to show. One of unmitigated sadness.

A single tear rolled down one chubby baby cheek. “Som-som…” Even her trademark name for him came out quiet and overall miserable.

Sombra turned back to Cadence. “What’s wrong with the kid? She just realize she has a fifty percent chance of inheriting Shining’s mediocre looks?”

Again, Cadence sighed. “You really don’t understand how much entire Empire’s cost, do you?”

“Around six slaves a day?”

“Let me do the math for you, Sombra. Recall the time you took us to court and got more than a chunk of the Empire’s total funds?”

Sombra lightly tapped on his chin. “I vaguely recall a situation like that. But you deserved it! Spilling all my secrets like you had in that tell all book! I was going to take my favorite color to the grave, darn you!”

“Black is a shade, Sombra, not a colour. But regardless, losing that amount of bits hurt us. Bad. You may have noticed our King Sombra mascot dancing around during the last few weeks we remained at the Empire. Oddly enough, word of your attempts to re-enter the place had spread well across Equestria, making ponies want to visit us more than ever. Hopefully, we’ll be able to capitalize on that success here, too.”

Sombra barked out a laugh. “Without the real Sombra, you mean? Good luck.”

“Yes. Although, our mascot has proven rather successful with children.”

“You kidding? The real Sombra is great with kids! I once told a kid to shut up and he actually did! I couldn’t hear a peep through all the duct tape covering his mouth!”

Cadence continued as if she hadn’t heard that. “Yet even with all the extra tourists, that still leaves us in mountains of debt. Centuries worth of it.” She turned to Flurry Heart, then. “That’s why Flurry’s acting like she is. I just taught her the meaning of ‘debt’ this morning, and that she might spend her whole life paying this place off. Hopefully she’ll cheer up after nap time. Unless…”

“Unless what?” Sombra asked. “You sort of left your sentence dangling there.”

“Unless you can think of a more amicable way of dealing with all this.”

Sombra narrowed his eyes at her. “Amic… what? Stop using big words, Cadence. You know how much they scare me. That’s still the only reason I haven’t visited Constantinople yet.”

“Fine. Let me clarify. Can you possibly think of a simpler solution to all this? Perhaps one that could benefit both parties?”

For the longest time, Sombra pondered to himself; his eyes drifting to the hundreds of busy workers; to Cadence and to Flurry Heart, their shimmering eyes almost begging for a response. Then he turned and stared at his own tall Empire in the distance, empty and cold, boring and stagnant. Yet his all the same. Because he’d won. Cadence had said so herself.

And perhaps that was the most important revelation of them all.

“Nah. I’m good,” Sombra said, strolling back towards his castle. “Screw you guys, because I’m going home. I can actually say that now, isn’t that weird? My home! My precious!”

“Not lonely in there? All by yourself?” Cadence called.

Sombra forced a laugh. “What? Think I’ll go stir-crazy in there? I’ll be fine! I only pretended to be another pony and ate dirt this very morning! Can’t get any crazier than that, can I?”

And as much as Sombra wanted to laugh away all his rising doubt, one image seemed practically burned inside his head. That of one very sad, very teary-eyed Flurry Heart.

Author's Notes:

One last chapter to go.

This must be the very first multi-chapter comedy I've done that hasn't taken a 180 into dark territory at some point. Unless... the last chapter?

Nah. It's still safe.