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The Alchemy of Chemistry

by Amber Spark

Chapter 3: Methodologies

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Sunset bucked the door closed, holding her magic steady so she wouldn’t lose the massive stack of paper levitating beside her. It was so tempting to just ignite the entire thing and chuck the resulting ball of ash out the window, but it just wasn’t worth it.

It would ruin weeks of hard work.

Pointless.

With a sigh, she trotted up the stairs, stepped up to her large personal desk and dumped the stack atop the rest of the paperwork.

“Stupid Moon Dancer,” she muttered. “Stupid Professor Polish…”

With a snarl, she yanked her saddlebags off and hurled them at a convenient bookcase. The resulting crash sent a small cascade of books and scrolls onto her bag, burying it quite effectively.

She felt her stomach drop as she remembered the flask. She leapt over to the wreck, and rifled through her bags. Her teal magic flickered through the two bags until she extracted the potion. The flask appeared intact, having only been scratched when the bags had struck the bookcase. With a sigh of relief, she set it on her desk. Slumping onto the pillow in front of her desk, she stared at the mountain of exams and notes.

“Why did I let her talk me into this? I shouldn’t be writing a final exam. I’m supposed to just help out. But noooo… Polish wanted me to push my boundaries… and of course the Princess was all for it!”

She slammed her head into her desk. The flask jumped a little.

“Ow.” She rubbed her offended horn.

But that wasn’t the worst part. The worst part was there would be observers tomorrow.

Upon arriving in her afternoon class with Celestia, Sunset had been surprised to see Professor Polish already there. She hadn’t caught anything the professor had said, but the Princess had filled her in.

Because this was the first exam Sunset had ever written and designed, Professor Polish had thought it would be a good idea if some of the faculty were present. The Princess had agreed.

“It would be a perfect way for the staff at the school to see how much you’ve changed, Sunset.”

She pulled a half-crushed hayburger out of one of her half-buried saddlebags and took a savage bite. It didn’t help when a yawn bubbled out of her a few seconds later.

No, the real problem was exactly which members of the faculty for Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns would be there. The first wasn’t a real concern. She hadn’t had many encounters with Professor Crystal Clear since her admissions test a few years ago. The associate dean had plenty to do without dealing with Sunset.

She should be so lucky to get to teach somepony like me, Sunset thought, but the words felt hollow inside her own head.

The issue was Dean Slate. He had been determined to attend the class. Sunset knew exactly what Slate was going to do. In fact, Slate had insisted on bringing an observer from the Department of Education, a pegasus called Sunlit Winds or something inane like that.

She almost wished Celestia would come. Just to watch, of course.

I don’t need anypony’s protection! I’m Sunset Shimmer! I can handle anything.

The Princess had seemed very pleased at this turn of events. She seemed to think the faculty were coming around if they had thought this was a good idea.

Yet still… during their study session, there was something Sunset couldn’t put a hoof on. It was in the way Celestia looked at her, her implacable face asking questions she knew the answer to. It was still driving her nuts. She wished she could actually pick up on the Princess’s moods, but it was hopeless. Celestia had been Princess for over a thousand years. The alicorn could—and usually did—mask her emotions and thoughts with a casual ease that almost made Sunset jealous.

I just need to get inside her head. That’s all.

Sunset took another bite and stepped to the window overlooking Canterlot and the Castle beyond. The moon was just starting its climb over the city, the full face of the Mare in the Moon sending shafts of white light down upon the spires and towers. Despite her mood, Sunset could still appreciate the view. However, as she turned up the lights in her apartment, Sunset’s yawning reflection was easier to see.

Ugh. I can’t wait for this damn test to be over. I miss sleep.

From the point where Sunset was standing, she could see a reflection of the rest of her room as well.

Reflections… it’s all about reflections.

Celestia once told her that this special apartment was the traditional home of ‘The Royal Apprentice.’ Sunset had never squealed so loudly as when she had first seen the place. Nothing but books, labspace, books, little reading nooks and books. Well, that and the massive hourglass that dominated the main floor.

Sunset could see another reflection of her in the hourglass in the reflection of the room.

Reflections upon reflections.

From the reflection in front of her, she saw bags under the amber pony’s eyes, which were duller than usual. From the one in the hourglass, she could see her posture: body slumped, tail limp.

She was looking at the reflection of a beaten pony illuminated in the faint glow of Moon Dancer’s first advanced-level potion.

I lost something. And… I think I miss it.

“I’m not missing anything!” Sunset growled at herself. “I’m Sunset Shimmer. I don’t need anypony. The only thing that matters is me being the best. No matter the cost. No matter what it takes.”

The words echoed in the empty apartment.

This is what it feels like to be alone. Is this really what you want?

“It doesn’t matter! Once I show Celestia I can play ball at her level, I’ll get the answers I deserve… and I’ll find out how ascension works. Then… it won’t matter. I’ll have everything I ever wanted.”

But you’ll still be alone.

“So what?”

Somewhere deep inside, she heard a sigh.

There was a knock at the door. Sunset’s ears perked up as she glanced down at the front door, only to realize that wasn’t where the knock had come from. It had come from her balcony door.

She finished the last of her hayburger and marched over, wondering what crazy pegasus would be bugging her after sundown. Sunset needed to tell somepony off and this was a perfect opportunity.

She threw open the door, took a deep breath and—

Princess?

“Hello, Sunset,” Celestia said with a smile. “Do you mind if I come in?”

“Uh… sure? I guess.”

Sunset Shimmer stepped aside as the Princess of the Sun entered. As usual, she looked resplendent. As usual, regalia was perfect, from the gold inlays to the bright diamond-shaped amethyst in the center of her chestpiece. Her white coat was unnaturally brilliant even in the dim light of Sunset’s apartment and the Princess’s multicolored mane flowed in the invisible arcane winds—or something like that. Sunset hadn’t figured out why Celestia’s mane did that yet.

“I wished to speak to you in a more informal setting,” the Princess said as she took in the room. A small, satisfied smile crept across her muzzle as she slowly walked around the enormous hourglass. Celestia almost looked wistful as she brushed a hoof alongside its polished wooden frame. “You seemed quite distracted during our lesson.”

“I was listening!” Sunset protested.

“As only you can, my dear student.” Celestia nodded. “You have a rare gift for absorbing data without giving it your full attention. Your mind was clearly elsewhere. Even as tired as you are, your attention doesn’t usually drift as much as it did.”

Sunset scowled, wishing not for the first time that she could hide her thoughts from Celestia.

Dammit. She’s over a thousand years old. She’s defeated tyrants and led Equestria to a golden age of prosperity for a millenium… it’s not too surprising that she can see right through me.

Not surprising, but still annoying.

“You are usually quite focused during our sessions, and while I have no doubt you absorbed every word from today’s lesson about arcane energy transference and applications of mental magics, I would like to know what’s on your mind.”

“Nothing,” Sunset replied. “I’m just tired.”

Pale magenta eyes landed on her, and one elegant eyebrow raised. Celestia could use silence like a scalpel.

“I am tired!” Sunset tried again.

“I’m quite sure you are, with the work you’ve been putting into this exam. However, you were also a half hour early for our lesson today. If memory serves, you were supposed to be tutoring Moon Dancer this afternoon. She is almost as exhaustive in her research as you are, and has a history of using her time with you to the fullest.”

Celestia wrapped the waterwalking potion in her magic, and floated it to Sunset. “Such fine work in so short a time.”

Sunset winced, but she knew when she was caught. She snagged the potion in her magic and placed it back on the desk. “I haven’t spoken to Moon Dancer in a few days.”

Celestia sat down on a large cushion Sunset had set up near a pair of matching couches and gestured for Sunset to take a seat. With a sigh, Sunset plopped down opposite from the Princess.

“What happened, Sunset? Last week you said things were going well. In fact, you even praised her, a rare thing from you.”

“She said some stupid things and I called her on it.”

Celestia’s eyebrow crept up again.

“Gah! How do you do that?” Sunset shouted. “Fine! She hit a nerve and I blew up at her! Happy now?”

“And which ‘nerve’ did she hit?”

“I really don’t want to answer that.”

“My faithful student, you cannot hide forever. We’ve talked numerous times in the last year about your relationships. If something happened between you and Moon Dancer, I expect you to be able to resolve it. Experience in basic conflict resolution is a requirement of any leader.”

Sunset blinked. “Leader?”

“Yes.” Celestia’s kind eyes didn’t waver. “Now, please tell me. What could Moon Dancer have said to you to make you ‘blow up at her?’”

Sunset hung her head and stared at the rug. It was a nice rug. She’d brought it from home. A subtle swirling pattern of red and gold, with hints of lavender as an accent.

“She was yelling at me about… last year’s mid-terms.”

“Ah.”

“Ah.” That’s all she responds with. “Ah.” Is there a special class for Princesses where they go to learn to be cryptically evil?

“She knows the rules. I told her a long time ago she wasn’t allowed to mention that day.”

“And why is—”

Sunset’s head shot up and she stared the Princess of the Sun squarely in the eye.

“Don’t play that game with me!” Sunset shouted. “Don’t pretend you don’t know! You know exactly why, Princess!”

Silence reigned for a time. Sunset found herself glaring at the flask.

Why does that thing bother me so much? It’s not even that good.

“That is true.” Celestia sighed. “I apologize, Sunset.”

This brought Sunset’s rage to a screeching halt.

“What?”

“I said I apologize.”

“…I don’t think you’ve ever apologized to me before.”

“I have,” Celestia admonished gently, “but they were usually over trivial things. I should not have used such tactics for a topic that is so… sensitive.”

“Princess…” Sunset suddenly felt tears in her eyes and fought them back. “Why won’t you tell me? Why are you making me go through all of this? Why did you even bother showing me that mirror in the first place?”

“Sunset, if this is an attempt to change my mind about the length of time required for the test, you will be disappointed. As you were when you attempted to use the idea of tutoring Moon Dancer to the same effect.”

Sunset jerked as if she’d been slapped.

“You knew?”

“Of course, my faithful student.”

“Oh.”

I’m not a clever pony. In fact, I am a very stupid pony.

“Sunset,” Celestia said with a little shake of her head. “Despite your… creativity in attempting to discover the truth, you have done well. I believe completing your assignment for Professor Polish will be an excellent step in the right direction.”

Sunset frowned. “It’s just an alchemy exam.”

“Is it?” Celestia asked. “Polish showed me your final draft. For you to be able to write a fair and unbiased test, spend over two weeks crafting the basic potion stock for the students to use and to write out the instructions professionally? That is impressive.”

“Not really. Professor Polish does it all the time.”

“Professor Polish isn’t my personal student.”

Sunset poked at the rug and Celestia let out a low sigh.

“Sunset, you should know that this waiting period doesn’t have to do with time so much as results.”

“Then why make me jump through these hoops? You know I’m good with magic! Hay, I’m even great! Doesn’t that deserve some answers?”

Sunset couldn’t believe it, but Celestia appeared… hesitant. Almost nervous.

“Sunset, I do not believe you want those answers right now. You have a big day ahead of you and—”

No!” she cried. “No, you aren’t going to do this to me again! Fine! If you won’t tell me what the mirror does, what the reflection meant or what I saw afterwards, then at least tell me why? Do you enjoy tormenting me? Is that it? Do you get some sort of perverse kick out of it?

Celestia slowly got to her hooves and looked down at Sunset. Sunset backed into the couch, suddenly reminded just how tall the alicorn really was compared to any normal pony. Even Slate couldn’t hope to reach that height. She managed to be both regal and slightly threatening. Unconsciously, Sunset found herself cringing away from her mentor.

“No. I don’t enjoy it.” Celestia’s voice was a whisper. “I promised I would tell you everything you wish to know regarding the mirror after this test is complete. As for my motives, I have ruled Equestria for centuries upon centuries, Sunset Shimmer. I am not required to give you answers, especially when you demand them.”

Sunset swallowed.

Oh, I am so bucked.

“However, before you demanded them a moment ago, you pleaded for them.” Celestia sighed. “I do not know if any good will come of me telling you this… but taking you to the mirror was another test.”

Sunset gaped, rage and pain fighting for control. “The mirror… just seeing it? It was a test? What kind of test?”

Celestia didn’t meet Sunset’s eyes. She looked… no. That was impossible. Completely impossible.

Celestia looked ashamed. Ashamed… of me?

“One you failed.”

Sunset blinked. Her jaw snapped closed and her eyes fell to the rug once more. Every thought in her brain seemed to crash into tiny shards as those three words blasted through her mind.

Failed? How… how can I have failed?

The whisper returned. It wasn’t vindictive or angry. It sounded sad. You said yourself you thought you were failing this test too.

But I don’t fail. I’m Sunset Shimmer! I can handle—

“I blame myself for this, my dear student.” Celestia murmured, shattering the silence. “I thought you were ready. You were not. So, I decided to give you a different kind of test. A make-up test, if you will.”

“I don’t understand.” Sunset’s voice sounded flat and dead to her ears, just like the suddenly hollow place in her chest.

“Your assignment to Professor Polish, of course.”

Fire rushed into that empty place.

“You mean… you decided to torment me with ignorant little fillies instead of telling me the truth?”

“I put you there to learn something, Sunset. The question is… have you?”

Sunset gritted her teeth as the rage and humiliation of the day’s events came rushing back to her. Twilight’s perfect little answers. Cinnamon Tart’s terrified eyes. Professor Polish’s patronizing ‘gift.’ The glares. The whispers. The hate. And worst of all…

Moon Dancer...

The distant sound of glass shattering on stone echoed in her ears.

“...I’ve learned I’m not any good with other ponies.”

Princess Celestia’s ears twitched, but she kept her poise otherwise. She nodded and looked distant.

“I see,” she replied. “Well, tomorrow is a big day for you. You should rest.”

Sunset couldn’t help herself. She was seeing too much red right now to stop.

“Yeah, maybe if I had all your experience, I’d see the point of all this torment you’ve put me through! Too bad I only get this one life.”

Celestia ears flattened against her head. She headed for the balcony. At the threshold, she stopped and looked back.

“Sunset.”

Sunset didn’t say anything, but she did look her mentor in the eye.

“Please remember… there are always options. Fear makes ponies do foalish things, things they often regret.”

“I don’t fear anything.”

“Yes. You do.” Celestia just looked sad. “I hope you figure out what it is soon, before it is too late.”

Celestia stepped out of the door and leapt into the Canterlot night. In a moment, she was gone. Sunset closed the door.

You are afraid, Sunset. You’re afraid of letting ponies in.

“I don’t need anypony!” Sunset screamed at the top of her lungs.

But the voice was inside the void in her chest. She couldn’t escape it. There was nothing she could do to make it stop. She didn’t know where it had come from, but she wished it would just go away.

It’s not too late.

“I don’t have time for this!” Sunset roared. “I have work to do!”

Sunset’s magic ignited as she pulled a few dozen alchemical textbooks from the walls. The first to arrive was the main textbook for Polish’s course, The Alchemy of Chemistry.

“Stupid names. Why do stupid authors always have to come up with stupid names to their books?” Sunset growled as she threw it onto her desk and starred flipping pages to find the glowcoat potion. She needed to verify the instructions before tomorrow.

Anyway, it would be enough to keep her mind occupied and away from whatever voice had decided to take up residence.

In truth, it lasted maybe five minutes before Sunset slumped over at her desk and stared at the potion. She’d never felt more exhausted in her life. She hated this. She was letting other ponies control her. How she felt. How she acted. How she thought. This was not something Sunset Shimmer should allow to happen! She was better than this! She was better than all of them!

Then why do you feel so empty?

“It’s been a bad day.”

Twice today, ponies have reached out to you. You ignored one and slapped the hoof of the other. They’re trying to help you!

“I don’t need help! There’s nothing wrong with me!”

Sunset looked up into her reflection in the shining blue liquid.

“Except for me yelling at myself,” she mumbled and slumped over to bang her head against the desk a few more times.

Author's Notes:

Yes. I mocked myself and my own story title. Why? Because it amused me. :moustache:


If you come across any errors, please let me know by PM!

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