Chapter 10: The Pony That Time Forgot

Dolphin Dream lay on the cracked cement of a deserted town. Sitting on a half broken bench was someone she had not seen for a long time.

"Elijah?"

The son of Discord who had visited Dolphin so long ago looked up.

"Oh not you again..."

"I missed you so much! you want to go out on a date? Oh! Iknow the perfect place! How about that pile of rubble? Or that burning school? or-"

"Ok, I'm going to stop you right here, because I don't want to do any of this. I'mnot interested in a relationship with you, ok?"

Dolphin looked like she was going to cry.

"No pony ever wanted to be in a relationship with me..."

Elijah looked to the sides quickly, then suggested something.

"Could it be because you are a tad bit clingy?"

Dolphin ignored this, and looked around.

"Why is everything on fire or destroyed?"

"And you failed to notice this until just now?"

Dolphin looked indignant.

"Hey, I was smitten by you!"

"See, clingy. Most ponies move on after their crush is gone for THIRTEEN YEARS! Or, they get a cat, like Rarity did when Big Macintosh dumped her."

"So what did happen here?"

"Oh, a giant asteroid crashed into the earth six years ago. It killed almost everyone but me and Rarity."

Dolphin looked around some more. The ruins of a Forever 21 and a stage still burned. A skeleton of a small child with broken legs lay next to her.

"Wait, so you two are the only ones left?"

"Yeah. So you understand why we can't be together..."

Dolphin gasped.

"You didn't!"

"Sweety, what's going on- oh! Another survivor! but..."

Rarity walked out, with three small creatures next to her. One was a white alicorn, another was a blue alicorn, and the last was almost an exact copy of Elijah.

"Princess Celestia? Princess Luna? DISCORD?"

Rarity gasped.

"How did you-"

Dolphin stared at Elijah.

"This better not be cannon."

"It's not."

Casualty Report

Chapter 11: Casualty Report

Twilight Sparkle opened her eyes. She was standing in the throne room, along with Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Derpy, and Dolphin Dream. Princess Luna walked into the room with a look of relief on her face.

"Thank goodness you're back! Celestia hasn't stopped molesting me since you left!"

"How long ago was that?" Asked Twilight.

"Three months."

"THREE MONTHS?!" The mares all shouted in unison.

"Yup. Everypony thought you had died. Anyway, welcome back."

"Luna! Who said you could leave the molestation chamber?" Came Princess Celestia's voice.

"Oops. Gotta go. See yah!" Princess Luna scurried away.

"Luna, I- oh, you're back! Wonderful!" Princess Celestia pulled all the mares into a group hug. "I was afraid I'd killed you!"

"Well, we're all here, aren't we?" Rainbow Dash said, rolling her eyes.

"Yes, speaking of killing, let's look at your casualty report."

Princess Celestia pulled up a large chart, and everypony got to reading it.

Twilight: Casualties, 0. Events caused: Creation of the Universe, Christianity. Score= 5

"Wait, we're scored?"

"Yes. I suppose you got points taken off for christianity. Next!"

Applejack: Casualties, 0. Events caused: Civil War, End of Slavery, Kentucky Fried Chicken. Score= 2

"Damn! How was ah t' know tha' would start the civil war?"

Fluttershy: Casualties, 0. Events caused: Catholicism. Score= 1

"Oh, ok.."

"Yeah, Catholicism is really bad..."

Pinkie Pie: Casualties, 15 billion. Events caused: Ended World War 2, Hitler's "Suicide". Score= 7

"Yay!"

"What? She killed 15 billion people!"

"Yeah, but she also killed Hitler!"

"True..."

Rainbow Dash: Casualties, 1. Events caused: Saved Kurt Cobain from suicide, killed Courtney Love. Score= 10

"YES!"

"Ah, come on!"

"Hey, she deserves it. Come on, saved Kurt Cobain and killed Courtney Love? She was bound to win anyway."

"True..."

Rarity: Casualties, 0. Events caused: No cannon event caused. Score= 11.

"WHAT?"

"Hah! Beat you, Rainbow Dash!"

"How did she..."

"I guess she fucked with the time stream the least."

Derpy: Casualties, 4. Events caused: The crucifiction, Hitler leading to buy Park Place instead of Pacific Avenue, and Courtney Love meeting up with Kurt Cobain. Score= Potato.

"Huh?"

"You caused all of this?"

"Oh, Derpy!"

"I just don't know what went wrong!"

Lyra Heartstrings: Casualties, 3. Events caused: Back to the Future. Score= 8

"Nice."

Dolphin Dream: Casualties, 0. Events caused: Nothing worth noting.

"Hey, that's not fair to me!"

"Oh, shut up Dolphin..."

Princess Celestia took down the scores.

"And there you have it! Congratulations, Rarity, for first place!" She presented Rarity with a trophy saying "Time Baus" on a small plaque at the bottom.

"And for coming in second, Rainbow Dash, I give you this chocolate bar."

Rainbow Dash begrudgingly took the chocolate. "Thanks..."

"I just hope we haven't caused any long lasting damage to the time stream, that would suck."

Suddenly, a green flash of light filled the room, and when it was gone, the Time Octopus, two Kurt Cobains, a redneck rapist, Judas, a headless Hitler, the broken legged boy from 2012, and Elijah stood in the throne room.

"Oh no," Twilight said, facehoofing.

"Here we go again!"

"Hey, wait, where's Lyra?"