The rattle of gunfire echoed in my helmet as bullets ricocheted off of the mortar wall behind me. My feet were sluggish as my heavy gear weighed me down, forcing me to make dodges and jerks that I would have otherwise been able to avoid. Then, right in front of me, was the same small figure that haunted my nightmares every time my mind was drawn back to this battlefield. Against my silent screams of protest, my rifle rose until my sights were level with the young boy’s chest, firing off a trio of bullets into his midsection as my mind shuddered in mortified terror.

His body hit the ground in a puff of dirt and dust, and in an instant the background shifted to the now familiar streets of Ponyville. My dream self rounded on her heel and fired off another set of bullets, right into the approaching forms of three zombie-ponies. My cries of anguish shifted to cries of pride and glory as I butchered the zombie hoard, decimating their ranks as I worked my way through the streets of the small town. Finally, there were no more ponies to kill, and my dream self dropped the rifle into the bloody dirt at her feet.

Yet it wasn’t over. Before my eyes, a sickly green mist began to seep out of the ground, infusing itself into the bodies around me as they slowly began to rise. Rotting flesh that belonged on much older corpses fell from bones and revealed rancid organs as the shuffling bodies began to converge on my position. My dream self tried to reach for the rifle she had dropped, but it was no longer there. Left with no weapon to defend myself with, I tried to turn and run, but the horns of the unicorns around me glowed with sickly green magic as they pinned my feet to the dirt. I turned to look at the nearest unicorn corpse, and my eyes widened in terror as its form shifted to resemble Twilight as an undead. My gaze moved from body to body, and one by one they shifted into the rotting visages of the ponies I knew and loved. Bon-Bon, Lyra, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, all undead and sporting fresh bullet holes in their chests and heads from my missing rifle.

“You killed us.” Zombie-Twilight hissed in an unearthly voice that echoed with hate, “You failed to protect us when we needed you most.”

“No,” I found my voice as I tried to scramble back, only to be stopped by the magic holding me still, “I did everything I could to save you, I destroyed the undead like I was supposed too!”

“WE ARE THE UNDEAD!!” The collective cried as they converged on my position.And yet my mind was focused on a single form as it shuffled through the crowd until it stood next to Zombie-Twilight.

The rotting form of the child soldier stood almost as tall as the alicorn next to him, and his glowing green eyes burned with fury as he pointed a skeletal finger at me.

“Murderer.” He hissed.

My eyes widened as I shook my head, “No, I’m not a murderer. I-I did what I had to do. It was a combat situation. I had no other choice.”

“There is always a choice,” Zombie-Lyra growled out as a flap of skin disconnected from her neck and flopped to the ground at her hooves, “and you chose to kill an innocent child instead of finding another way.”

I curled up into a ball as the zombies around me began to chant a single word over and over again, rising in volume as tears streamed down my face.

“Murderer.”

“Murderer.”

“Murderer!”

“MURDERER!”

“ENOUGH!” The echoing voice stilled the corpses around me, and my eyes watched in rapt attention as the undead slowly faded into nothing, leaving only the empty streets behind as I felt a familiar presence come to a halt behind me.

Without even thinking, I spun around and flung my body at the large form behind me, wrapping my arms around its neck as my face buried itself into the soft navy-blue fur of her chest. To her credit, Luna only stiffened for a split second before she settled, wrapping her wings around my shaking body as I sobbed into her chest.

“There, there,” she murmured, “there is nothing to fear any longer. You are safe now.”

It took a few more minutes for me to get myself under control, and by the time I did I had soaked Luna’s fur and covered my own face in tears. To say nothing of my disastrously runny nose. Luna smiled down at me and wiped my face with a wing, materializing a tissue for me as she cleaned her fur with a burst of magic. I blew my nose and she vaporized the tissue with another small flare of magic, leaving me kneeling before the Lunar Princess after having one of the worst nightmares I had ever experienced.

“So,” I asked hesitantly, knowing fully well that Luna had seen everything, “what happens now?”

Luna shook her head slowly, a sigh escaping her lips as she leveled her gaze with me, “You feel as if this is the worst I have seen in the Dream Realm. I can assure you that is not the case. However, what is important is that you are facing very powerful ghosts from your past, and you are not doing yourself any favors by running from them.”

“I am not running from them!” I retorted, “I’m not scared of anything, especially not some crazy undead things trying to eat me alive. I’ve been shot and blown up more times than I can count, you think something like seeing everyone I love and know being turned into those horrors would frighten me?”

Luna’s raised eyebrow was all the answer I needed to know her opinion of my claims, although she refrained from replying in the same way I had yelled at her. Instead, she simply created an image of Twilight, bound by ropes of green magic, alongside Lyra and Bon-Bon. The sneering form of Moon Song stood over them, along with the stoic bulk of Cobalt. I tried to get to them, but Luna’s magic stopped me before I could get two feet.

I turned to her with an expression of confusion, only to see her face mere inches from mine, “Do you truly feel no emotion when you see your loved ones held captive and helpless? Do you truly feel like you are a being worthy of being called a protector if all you can do is languish in your own past mistakes?” I opened my mouth to spit back a reply, but she shushed me with a hoof over my lips, “Take a good long look at yourself, Sarah Lovegood, and tell me what it is you see.”

She stepped to the side, revealing a single full-body mirror instead of the struggling forms of my herdmates. I glanced at Luna for confirmation, and she nodded once as I slowly stepped up to the mirror. What met me was an image that I immediately wanted to erase, but as my fist connected with the glass it simply bounced off. I turned away and hid my face from the horrible image that the mirror held within, but a guiding wing from Luna slowly turned me back around.

“You see now what you truly fear, and it is not something that comes from without.” Luna said slowly as I was forced to look upon the mirror once again, “It is your fear of yourself and the reactions of those around you that drive these night terrors into being.”

My hands shook as I slowly lowered them to my hips, trying with all my might to look away, and yet the mirror held an image that locked me in place with terror, not because of the cringing ponies, but because of the blood-soaked, uniformed, rifle-wielding monster that stood in front of them.

My double was barely recognizable as me, but with the flowing brown hair and the same bright blue eyes, it was unmistakably me that held the rifle to a quivering child’s head, pulling the trigger and spattering everyone present with crimson dots and patches. The ponies cried out in silent anguish and fear, trying to flee from the monster among them, while my herdmates tried to get me to stop by any means necessary. The monster in the mirror simply gunned them down, one by one, until there was nothing left but fresh bodies and growing pools of blood.

Luna waved her wing and the mirror disappeared, taking the horrific images with it. My knees felt weak, and I sunk to my hands and knees as Luna slowly walked around and sat before me, her voice tinged with regret as she gently ran a wing under my chin to catch the falling tears.

“I am sorry I had to show you such things,” I could hear the regret in her words as she spoke, although it did little to make me feel better, “but you must realize that unless you let go of the past, it will continue to haunt you in the present until it drives you mad.”

She lifted my chin with her wingtip and smiled down at me, “I know the pain of having wronged beings in the past and the guilt that comes from such actions,” her smile shifted into a frown as she pulled her wing back, “but your actions were those of a life and death situation. You are not to blame for the death of a child that was fully willing to kill you in the same manner as you did to him. War is terrible, and it can bring out the worst in even the most gentle of creatures, but you must not continue to blame yourself for something that was out of your control.” She stood to her full height and looked down at me with a commanding aura that immediately grabbed my attention, “I am telling you this now, not as a friend but as your Princess, that if you wish for these dreams to stop, you must let go of your guilt and tell those you love what you have done.”

My eyes widened as I shrank away from her, “Y-You can’t be serious! How could they ever forgive me for murdering a child in cold blood?! How could I ever show my face around them if I told them I ended the life of an innocent?”

“WE ENDED THE LIVES OF THOUSANDS DURING THE WARS THAT LED TO EQUESTRIA’S FOUNDING!!” Luna roared, nearly bowling me over from the sheer force of her voice. Her wings had flared and her expression had turned murderous for just an instant, and in that moment, I could easily believe what she had said was the absolute truth.

“B-But how many of those lives were of innocent children?!” I retorted, somehow finding my voice even as my heart beat in my chest like a wild animal, “How many lives did you end that were not enemy soldiers?”

Luna slowly lowered her wings and walked up to me, her expression unreadable as she stood over my sitting form, “You should ask yourself the same question, Sarah. How many lives have you taken that were not enemy soldiers?”

Immediately, my mouth opened to reply with the child I had shot, but Luna preempted me with an image of that very child, holding a rifle far too big for his small body at my chest. The weapon discharged, throwing the child on his back as the bullets ripped through my armor and into my body, my lifeless husk falling over into the dirt as the child slowly crawled to his feet and then moved on to other members of my unit.

“You claim that the child was an innocent, but warriors can be born from the earliest of ages. This child knew what he was doing, and yet he chose to fight anyway, knowing it could lead to his doom.” Luna’s eyes leveled with mine as the image faded, “You are deluding yourself into thinking the child was not capable and willing to take a life, your life, as well as the lives of your comrades. Was it a terrible thing to be forced upon a soldier, to kill a child in the heat of battle? Yes. Was it wrong for you to protect your fellow soldiers when that very same child could have killed several more had you not acted? No.” She placed a feather upon my chest and stared into my eyes, “You are taking the blame for a crime you did not commit, Sarah, and it has been eating you alive ever since you pulled the trigger. If you cannot let this pain go, if you cannot accept the burden of your actions, then you will never know peace. You will rot from the inside until you are alike to the undead in your dreams in all but form. Tell the ponies you love about your mistake but know that it is not your fault that you had to take that child’s life. Own who you are and what you have become and let the pain of your past finally go free.”

I sniffed once, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand as I felt a shiver run up my spine, “But what if they reject me? What if they see the same monster that I saw in that mirror?”

Luna smiled as she lay down on her stomach, holding my chin with one hoof as she looked me in the eyes, “They will forgive you, as I have, because there is nothing you need to be ashamed of. You are a good person, Sarah, perhaps a bit too good for your own peace of mind. But you are not perfect. No being in this world or any other is perfect, especially those who have seen the battlefield and taken the blood of others. We are all flawed, and that is why Twilight and the others will forgive you for your actions. If nothing else, show them the trust they deserve as your herdmates by telling them the truth. They deserve to know the full story behind what has made you into the person you are today.”

It took me a moment or two, but slowly, the words Luna had spoken managed to work their way into my mind and take root. And you know what, she was right. I had been holding onto the past, but as I thought about it more and more, the truth finally began to settle within my mind. The pain of my mistake would never truly go away, but as I met Luna’s determined gaze, I realized that maybe I could forgive myself, if only to move forward with my life and to protect those I loved from facing the same choice.

I nodded to her, taking a deep breath before standing up, “Thank you, Luna. I’m not sure I could have gotten through this without you giving me the kick in the pants that I needed.”

She nodded in reply as she stood, flaring her wings as she flew into the air, fading into the mist as darkness closed in around me. For a moment I was scared that the nightmare would return, but a quick flash of light dispelled the creeping shadows and left me in a sun-lit field with my herdmates lying in the grass around me. I curled up with them as their warm bodies lulled me back into true slumber, and I fell into a dreamless sleep that lasted until the blaring of my alarm pulled me from the soft darkness.

My hand searched for my phone, grasping at nothing for a moment before gripping the echoing machine with a tight hold. I flipped it over and shut off the alarm, feeling Twilight shift against my stomach as her wings stretched out from her back. Unfortunately, this pushed them directly into my face, making me sputter and sneeze as her feathers tickled my cheeks and nose.

Twilight rolled her head over to look at me, her cheeks flushing bright red as she realized what she had done, “Oh, sorry Sarah. I’m not used to sharing a bed with somepony else.”

I pressed her wings back to her sides, albeit gently, “It’s fine, Twilight. I can imagine some habits would have to change due to our new sleeping habits.” I glanced at the clock and saw that it was just after five in the afternoon, meaning Lyra and Bon-Bon would most likely be coming over before too long. “Think we should get dinner started before the girls show up?”

Twilight flopped down on the bed and curled up into a little ball, “But it’s so warm and comfortable in here with you.” She whined like a little filly, “I don’t wanna get up.”

I smirked as I wrapped her in my arms and rolled us over until she was hanging over the edge of the bed, “Time to get up, Twilight. Now either you get up yourself or I’m going to drop you on the floor like an old rug.”

“I hope you don’t mean me in that statement,” Carpet Sense stated as he glanced up at us from the middle of the room, “I am a carpet, not some lowly rug to be tossed around like garbage.”

I rolled my eyes, “Not talking to you, Sense. Just trying to wake up my lazy herdmate.”

Twilight stiffened slightly in my grip, “Hey! I’m not lazy, I just like lying in bed with you. It’s warm and makes me feel safe.”

I felt my cheeks heating at her words as I carefully set her down on the floor, “Charmer. I have half a mind to keep you here in bed and do unspeakable things to you until the girls arrive.”

Twilight’s eyes lidded as she stood up and turned to face me, “Is that a promise?”

I facepalmed and rolled onto my back, rubbing my hand down my face in exasperation, “You’re too much sometimes, you know that, right?”

Twilight giggled and placed her front hooves on the bed as she nuzzled into the side of my neck, “I had a good teacher. I never knew teasing somepony could be so much fun, even if it does take a little getting used to.”

I smiled, rolling out of the bed and standing up with several cracks along my spine. Twilight winced but relaxed as I sighed in relief, “Anyway, we might as well make sure Spike and Rosie haven’t burned down the castle while we were asleep.”

“I can assure you that nothing of the sort has transpired,” Carpet Sense said as I slipped on a fresh set of clothes, “We would not be having this conversation if such an event had occurred.”

I paused in slipping my shirt over my head to give him an incredulous look, turning back to share an eye roll with Twilight before I continued getting dressed, “Just an expression, Sense. Just an expression.”

We left the bedroom once I had made myself presentable, following the corridors until we found Rosie and Spike sitting in one of the numerous libraries on the main floor. Rosie looked nervous while Spike was simply reading a comic book in one of the recliners, although he did cast a glance towards the fidgeting gryphon every other page.

He looked up as we walked in, his face brightening in a smile as he set down the comic book, “Twilight, Sarah, we were just talking about you.”

I noticed Rosie stiffen as she turned to face us, her expression guarded as her wings ruffled against her sides.“Evening girls. How was your nap?”

“It was alright.” I replied smoothly, “Probably going to be up all night after we finish up with dinner because of it, though. So, what’s got you wound up tighter than a clock spring? Nothing went wrong while we were asleep, did it?”

She rapidly shook her head, “Oh no, nothing like that. It’s just,” she diverted her gaze and rubbed a foreleg with her claws, “Princess Celestia passed on my message to my father, and he replied almost immediately.”

That got the attention of everyone in the room, although Spike simply nodded in agreement as he pulled out a scroll that was marked by the now familiar seal of the Gryphon Kingdom. He passed it to Twilight, who carried it the rest of the way in her magic before reading it out loud.

“To my dearest daughter, it is wonderful to know that you are alive and well, but I am very disappointed that you would go running off without telling anygryphon where you were going. You had the entire castle in an uproar when you disappeared. However, knowing that you were with Miss Lovegood the entire time goes a long way to ease my worries, although I will be having words with the Captain the next time we meet about her blatant lies.” Twilight gave me a sympathetic wince before continuing, “Also, I understand you are getting training as an auramancer in addition to combat training from Captain Lovegood. While I have no idea what that truly entails, I do understand that it must have something to do with magic, and therefore I am requesting that you do your father a very personal favor. Continue your training under the Captain, but promise me that once you are finished, you will return to your home and teach others what you have learned. A new form of magic that gryphons can perform would be a groundbreaking achievement in our history, and would cement your place as my successor not only by birthright but by achievement as well. In the meantime, I ask only that you send your father letters once a month to report on your progress and to ease my peace of mind. I wish you all the best and hope you find what you are seeking while training with Captain Lovegood. Love you always, Papa.”

I turned to face Rosie as Twilight rolled the scroll back up, giving the hen a piercing look, “You told him about your Auramancy?”

Rosie nodded, “I couldn’t not tell him when it’s such an important part of my training.” She started as she waved her claws about in front of her chest, “B-But I didn’t tell him anything about the necromancers or the undead we’ve been fighting. I know enough about international politics that that kind of information should be kept as secret as possible.” Her gaze fell as she continued, “Even if I have to keep it secret from my own father.”

I felt the tension leave my shoulders as I walked up and rested a hand on Rosie’s shoulder, “I’m proud of you for understanding the sensitivity of the situation. I wouldn’t have been happy keeping something from my own loved ones any more than you feel right now. Regardless, you did the right thing, which is why I’m not upset with you. You did what you thought was right without giving up classified information and you did the best you could with a bad situation. That is the kind of leadership that a future queen will need if she is going to succeed as a ruler.”

Rosie brightened slightly as she looked up at me, “You mean it?”

I nodded, “I mean it.” I waved for them to follow, “Come on, I’m hungry and I’m sure Lyra and Bon-Bon are going to show up before too long. If I’m cooking dinner, then I’d better get started before they arrive.”

Rosie’s eyes widened slightly, “You’re going to cook? I didn’t know you could! What are you going to make?”

I smiled as I led our little procession down the hall and into the dining room, following Spike as he led me through a side hallway and into the kitchen, “You’ll just have to wait and see. It’s a little something from my home that I think you’re going to like.”

I left the girls back in the dining room as Spike led me into what had to be the biggest kitchen I had ever seen, although as he directed me to the pantry and refrigerator I felt a small flash of nostalgia as I remembered my time on base with my squad. We would always eat the chefs out of house and home when we got back from a mission, and one time I even did a stint as a cook in order to get the boys to stop complaining about the MRE’s we had to choke down while out in the field. I looked through the pantry, slightly surprised at the spread available to me, mostly because I was certain the vegetarian ponies wouldn’t imagine ever putting something like crab or shrimp in their meals. The fish was a given, taking into account my own dietary needs, but the large selection of seafood gave me an idea. I fumbled around until I found a large cooking pot, and in short order I had stuffed it full of nearly everything I could imagine in order to create my own personal gumbo.

Spike looked into the pot as the concoction bubbled and popped over the stovetop, his muzzle crinkling as he took a good whiff, “Definitely unlike anything I’ve ever made.” He glanced over his shoulder at me as I cut up bread slices on the next counter over, “What is it?”

I smiled as I sliced the loaf into manageable sections, “A little something I came up with while working as a cook in the military. It’s got seafood of several varieties, including crab, shrimp, trout because I couldn’t find any halibut, tomato, beans, carrots and about a dozen secret spices of my own design. I call it my Seafood Gumbo Surprise.”

Spike nodded, although it seemed to be more for himself than as answer to my reply. “I guess that makes sense, although I’m surprised the girls are going to eat this stuff, normally meat makes ponies want to throw up.”

I shrugged as I arranged the slices around the edge of each plate, setting a bowl in the middle of each ring as the timer on the stovetop dinged. “Lyra said she wanted to eat human food, so that’s what I’m doing. Not my fault if they don’t like it. Although I tried to make it less like a meat dish and more of a soup so that way it won’t be as obvious what part is what. Might make it easier to swallow if they can’t tell the carrots from the shrimp.”

Spike turned and walked out of the kitchen, leaving me to my own devices as I ladled the gumbo into each bowl. I had no true idea how well the girls were going to react to my dish, but I hoped that they would at least give it a try before dismissing it. If it was one thing I hated, it was watching good food go to waste, although I at least had the comfort of knowing that I would eat it at some point if the girls didn’t like what I served.

As it so happened, I was perfectly in time for Lyra and Bon-Bon’s arrival when I carried the first set of plates into the dining room, given Twilight was just showing them into the hall from the other end as they looked about the place with wide eyes.

“You’re sure you’ve never been this far into the castle before?” Twilight asked as I set the table.

Bon-Bon nodded, “I’ve never been further than the foyer, although I think Lyra was in the other wing during her little adventure into music with you and the others.”

Lyra nodded in confirmation, “Yeah, the east wing was more dedicated to the library and Twilight’s lab. Not much in the general living sort of décor.” She paused for a moment as her gaze landed on me and the plates in my grip, her eyes widening as her lips curled into a grin, “Is that what I think it is?”

I nodded, “Take a seat girls, I was just pulling the food out for you when you walked in.”

Bon-Bon climbed into the chair on Twilight’s right while Lyra sat down at the second setting on the left, leaving the seat directly opposite Bon-Bon open for me as I walked back into the kitchen. Rosie sat down next to Bon-Bon and rubbed her claws together, already expecting something good from the expression on her face. I loaded up the rest of the plates and slowly walked back into the dining hall, being careful not to spill the gumbo or any of the roll slices as I set each place. Twilight had taken her seat at the head of the table and sniffed a couple times as I placed her plate before her, her eyes narrowing in confusion as she looked over at me.

“What is this?” She asked as she pointed at the gumbo with a hoof, “It’s not something Spike threw together last minute, right?”

I shook my head, smiling a bit at the mental image of Spike running around in the huge kitchen like a little mouse, “Nope, this is something special I cooked up for all of you, given Lyra wanted to try some of the food from my home instead of the usual pony fare.”

All three mares looked down at the gumbo with mixed emotions, although it was Bon-Bon who voiced the thought that seemed to be on everyone’s mind, “There’s not any meat in here, is there?”

My face fell slightly, expecting her to reject my dish because of that little comment, “Well, yes and no. I wouldn’t really call shrimp and crab meat, but there is trout in there, so I guess you could say that it has some kind of meat in it.”

Bon-Bon’s cheeks grew a shade of green before she swallowed thickly, taking up the spoon in her hoof before dipping it into the bowl. All four of us watched in rapt attention as she ladled some of the gumbo, with a sizable piece of trout in the mix, up to her mouth and took a hesitant bite. I waited on baited breath as she chewed slowly, her eyes clenched shut as she seemed to force the food down her throat. Yet, as she opened her eyes, I noticed a light of surprise hidden in her gaze that hinted at something more.

She glanced down at the food before her, then up at me, then back at the gumbo. “Are you sure there’s meat in this dish? It didn’t taste anything like what I imagined it would be.”

I let out a sigh of relief as I sat down at my own place, “That’s because of all the spices and vegies I stuck in there. It helps to mix the flavors so that way no one thing sticks out too much. You actually just ate a piece of trout and had no trouble keeping it down.”

She glanced at the bowl before her and narrowed her gaze at it, as if it was lying to her about its contents or something, “Huh, you learn something new every day.”

With that she slowly resumed eating her gumbo, and I added my own spoon to the mix as Lyra and Twilight did the same. Rosie had already dug into the food, although she was a bit more refined than the three ponies at the table. Must have been her royal upbringing showing through. Lyra was ecstatic to be eating human food and seemed to be completely unaffected by the idea of eating meat. Twilight had no difficulty either, and after a few unsuccessful tries to get the recipe from me, she settled down and enjoyed the food with the rest of us. Spike walked in a bit later with Swift at his side, only to find three mares, a gryphon hen and a human woman with full stomachs and content smiles on our faces. He simply rolled his eyes as he continued on his way, a feather duster appearing out of nowhere as he left the room through yet another door. Swift walked up and took a sniff at the bowl in front of me, her eyes widening as she glanced up at me.

“What did I miss this time?” She asked, indicating the empty bowl with a hoof.

I smiled, “Just a little Seafood Gumbo Surprise. It’s a home recipe that I modified so the girls could try some human food.”

“It was delicious,” Lyra groaned out as she tried to sit up with her distended stomach, “I want more but I don’t think I can fit any more in my gut.”

“Really Lyra,” Bon-Bon scolded her as the earth pony sat up and wiped her mouth with a napkin, “you really should learn more restraint. You’ll make yourself sick if you eat that much all the time.”

The unicorn chuckled in reply, “Yeah, but it would be worth it.” She glanced at me out of the corner of her eyes, “You got any more of that stuff so I can take it home?”

I shook my head, “Between you devouring three bowls and the rest of us taking care of the rest, there isn’t anything left in the pot to give to you. I’m actually somewhat surprised you three ate that with so little fuss. Normally ponies would have gotten sick at the very idea of eating meat.”

“Well that might be true for the usual pony on the street,” Twilight stated, “we’ve gotten used to the little surprises and quirks that come with being part of a herd with you, along with your dietary needs. It’s not really all that surprising that we would try and modify our own tastes to make you more at home, even if it does pull us out of our comfort zones from time to time.”

Lyra and Bon-Bon echoed their agreement, and I felt a tear coming to my eyes at how considerate these mares were being just to make me happy. “I don’t know what to say. You three have done so much for me and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to repay your kindness.”

Twilight waved it off, “Oh it’s not anything special. You’re our herdmate, so it’s only natural that we would try to accommodate your needs as much as we can. In return, you simply do what you can to make us happy, and it all balances out in the end.”

I couldn’t help but feel that my herdmates were getting the short end of the stick in that arrangement, and it was at that point that I remembered Luna’s words. If I wanted to show them I truly trusted them with every part of myself, then I had to tell them about my greatest shame. I stood up and walked over to the doors, glancing over my shoulder at the others with a firm look on my face.

“I need to talk with your girls about something.” They immediately sobered as they noticed my expression, “It’s something very personal and I need to get it off my chest.”

“Um,” Twilight shared a glance with the others, “sure. What do you want to talk about?”

I jerked my head in the direction of one of the lounges, “Not here, I want to sit down in some place more comfortable if I’m going to tell this story.”

Rosie seemed to catch the hint that this was a private matter and excused herself with a measure of grace I wasn’t expecting. “I’ll just be in the library. There were a few books on old gryphon history I was interested in reading. See the pony side of things and all that.” With that she left, leaving me at the doorway and the girls still seated at the table.

Lyra jumped out of her seat and walked up to my side, glancing up at me with a worried expression as she wrapped her tail around my leg, “It’s not something that is going to hurt you, is it?”

I shook my head, “Not really. It’s just something in my past that I need to get over, under Princess Luna’s orders.”

That seemed to get the attention of everyone in the room, given Swift beat a hasty retreat as Bon-Bon and Twilight stood from the table and walked up to my other side. Twilight wrapped her tail around my other leg as Bon-Bon brought up the rear, and I felt a burst of confidence at the support I was being given by the mares I loved. I led them into a lounge down the hall from the dining room and sat in a chair opposite a long couch as my gaze traveled over the numerous bookshelves that lined the walls. Twilight and the others climbed onto the couch and faced me, their expressions ranging from curious to nervous as they glanced between each other and then back to me.

“So, what is it you needed to tell us?” Lyra asked.

“And under orders from Princess Luna no less.” Twilight added with a worried expression.

“Well,” I replied with a hand rubbing against the back of my neck, “it’s not exactly a direct order, but it was heavily suggested that I do this for the sake of my own sanity.”

“Is this about the nightmares you keep having?” Twilight asked. I must have had a look on my face, because she rolled her eyes before continuing, “You really think I couldn’t hear you when you would have those night terrors in your own room? For Celestia’s sake we slept in the same bed last night and I could barely get to sleep because of the tears running down your face and into my mane!”

Lyra and Bon-Bon looked at me like I had sprouted wings, “You’ve been having nightmares?” Bon-Bon asked, “Why didn’t you tell us?”

I rubbed my arm with my left hand, averting my gaze from the trio as I tried to keep my breathing under control, “It has to do with my past in the military. I did some things that I’m not proud of, things that haunt me even though it’s been years since it happened.”

Twilight’s eyes widened as she whispered, “PTSD.”

Lyra glanced at Twilight with a confused expression, “What was that?”

Twilight shook her head and turned to face the other mares, “PTSD. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. It’s a form of psychological trauma that can be caused by a particularly scarring or frightening event in a pony’s past, leading to nightmares, hypervigilance, and even complete disassociation from the real world if the flashbacks are strong enough.” She turned to look at me as the others’ eyes widened, “What happened?”

I took a steadying breath as my heart raced in my chest, and for a moment I was tempted not to tell them, at least not the whole truth, but at that moment, an image of a disappointed Luna crept into my mind, and I found the courage to speak even as my heart screamed at me to leave things alone.

I spent the next three hours telling them my whole story, not just the child soldier, but how I lost my leg, the way I lost my entire squad to enemy fire, everything. I don’t know when I started crying, or when the girls had pulled me onto the floor and curled up around me, but I latched onto their support like a life raft as I held Lyra and Twilight to my chest in a twin bear hug. Bon-Bon had climbed behind me and had wrapped her forehooves around my shoulders, weeping into my neck as she held onto me for deal life, just as the others held me from the front. At some point I had finished my story, and I simply dissolved into sobs as the others wept into my shirt. I didn’t know how long we sat there, simply comforting one another in our shared sorrow, but at some point I finally managed to pull myself together, and I suddenly felt a powerful sense of wrongness being in such close contact with the ones I loved.

I stood up, so suddenly that both Lyra and Twilight were sent rolling onto their backs with cries of surprise and shock. I turned and ran out the door, feeling fresh tears running down my face as I climbed the steps and slammed the door behind me as I locked myself in my old room. My breathing was ragged and my heart was racing a mile a minute as I sank to the floor, burying my face in my hands as I sobbed into my legs.

“They’ll hate me now.” I blubbered to myself, “I know it. They’ll hate me for what I’ve done and what I’ve been through and they’ll never want to see me again.”

I ignored the sounds of approaching hoofsteps and buried myself even further into my legs as Twilight called through the door. I didn’t want to hear what she had to say, I didn’t want to see the fear or disdain that marred her beautiful face.

There was a popping sound, and before I could react, I was enveloped in a triple bear hug, courtesy of my herdmates climbing into my lap.

I had frozen for a moment, expecting them to yell at me, but when I saw the tears rolling down their faces and the smiles on their lips, it all came crashing down on top of me. Luna had been right. They forgave me for my mistakes and weren’t afraid of me or angry.

Fresh tears ran down my cheeks as I embraced my herd, muttering thank you after thank you as they muttered half-hearted insults under their breath about my pigheadedness and lack of trust. Finally, I pulled back enough so I could look them all in the eyes, my own having finally run completely dry after what seemed like an eternity.

“I don’t know what to say.” I finally managed to spit out, “I thought you would hate me for the things in my past. I never expected you to forgive me.”

“Forgive you for what?” Lyra asked, “For protecting yourself? For protecting the lives of your fellow soldiers even at the cost of your own sanity? Wherever did you get the idea that we needed to forgive you?”

My face morphed into an expression of confusion as I turned to Twilight and Bon-Bon, “You all feel the same way?”

They nodded, “You were doing what you had to do.” Twilight said softly, “We might not like it that you were forced to do something like that, but we understand why you had to do it.”

“Indeed,” Bon-Bon added, “You were in a life and death situation. No amount of second-guessing or what-if scenarios is going to change the fact that it was you or him. Based on your actions, I believe you did the best you could in a no-win situation.” She nuzzled against my chin with the tip of her muzzle, “I certainly would rather have you in our lives then have some brainwashed child running around killing others, as dark as that sounds.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand as I rested against the wall and embraced my herdmates, “I love you guys. I hope you all understand that. I was expecting you to hate me for my past, but instead you offer me understanding and forgiveness. I couldn’t have asked for better lovers than you.”

All three mares blushed in my grip and I held them a moment longer before letting them go, “I don’t know about you, but after all that, I could really use a shower. I’m a mess and you all look like you could use one as well.”

The girls glanced at one another and smiled, “Then you’re going to have to take a shower with us.” Twilight stated, “It just wouldn’t be the same going one at a time, plus it saves time and water.”

I blushed at the mental image of all four of us in one shower, “Are you sure? I wouldn’t want any of you to feel uncomfortable. Besides, I’m not sure all of us can fit in my shower.”

Twilight’s horn glowed for a moment, her eyes shutting tight in concentration for a moment before there was a loud popping sound and a flash of light from the bathroom. “There, now we should all fit without any trouble at all.”

We all stood up and walked over to the bathroom door, the girls stepping in before me as I held the door open for them before following them in. What met my eyes was a masterpiece of engineering, even though I knew it was just Twilight’s magic at work. The bathroom was now almost the same size as a school locker room, with a complete open floor covered in tile with a triple sink on one side with a roundabout shower pole in the back. There was enough room for all of us to shower together around different sides of the pole with space to spare, and I even caught sight of my favorite shampoo resting on one of the wall brackets on the right side.

I turned to see Twilight grinning like a fool, and I felt my blood start to heat as I realized it was now more than possible to have a shower with all of my herdmates together. Although the idea of getting them dirty before cleaning them off was starting to look like a very promising prospect.

“Oh, this is going to be fun.” I said to myself as I started to undress, “You girls are in for some fun times ahead. Just let me know if you want to try something, because I’m planning on doing more than just getting clean, if you know what I mean.”

The heated looks I received from the others was all the answer I needed, and I got the feeling this was going to become a regular thing in our future, if the calculating look I was getting from Twilight was anything to go by.

Author's Notes:

So sorry for the slow updates, but midterms are a pain in the flank, as any of my fellow college students can attest to. Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter, tears and all. Up next is a first for my book, a clop chapter immediately followed by an Interlude. How about that, we get to see the girls get down and frisky and then see Carpet Sense driving Celestia up a wall! What more could you ask for?!

How about more chapters instead of once-a-month updates? The peanut gallery replies.

Well who asked you?! I was just trying to be nice!

Anyways, hope you all are enjoying the book, and I'll see you all next very kinky chapter,
Shadow Quill, Messenger of the Moon.