Chapter XVIII: Proditor

Three days have passed since Luna confronted me in the Whitetail Woods. Well, technically she confronted me in the park, but I unintentionally moved it into the woods. Regardless, things stayed relatively quiet after that. Due to what happened though, I was a little too reserved and withdrawn to try to steer things in a better direction in terms of the fashion show Rarity wanted to put on. Rarity finished the girls’ dresses after they asked for their changes, the whole fashion show debacle happened, they made Rarity’s dress and then the whole thing resolved itself like it did in the show. And I was nowhere to be seen for the entire thing.

The outfit Rarity made for me looks pretty close to my uniform, but instead of orange, it’s uniformly black with golden accents and a yellow sash to wrap around my waist, and also yellow foot wraps. I also found out from feeling it that the silk quality is much higher than my original uniform. I thanked her for spending the time to make it, but I wasn’t really feeling up to the show itself when it came around. I tried to look happy, and enthused, but I’m not sure how convincing my smile was. It all just kind of passed by too quickly.

Trixie also had to move on to continue her show in other places a few days later. This only worsened my mood, but I did give her a heartfelt hug before she left. I’ll miss her.

Which brings us to now, with me lying down on the grass, underneath the shade of my tree, next to the lake, in the spot I usually train at. Thinking. Brooding. And other things in my head that end in “-ing”. Mostly thinking though. Mostly about how none of the horrible things that have happened so far would have happened if I wasn’t here. If I was never ripped from my world and sent to Equestria.

For one thing, I’d have never been sent to the moon and hurt Luna over and over again. And for another, she’d have never hurt me, and I’d still be home with my family, safe. And… I’ll admit, that’s not exactly a long list. But does it really have to be? I can say with absolute certainty that the counter-list is even shorter on reasons why my being here is a good thing. I’m helping the Mane Six out? No, not really. As the Gala dress problem showed, they don’t need me. None of them need me because things will just work out fine like they usually do for them. If anything, it seems like things get more complicated or dangerous when I get involved. Like with the dragon napping on the mountain. Or with my sparring match with Azure. Or with trying to teach Morrigan. I’m not helping anyone with my actions. All I’m doing is hurting them.

I slowly raise my clawed hand up to look at my palm. With a small amount of focus, a spark of electricity jolts between one of my claw tips to my palm. ‘Yeah… can’t cause anything but pain with these claws.’ I think morosely. I close my eyes and lower my claw back down in front of me.

“Well, you definitely look like someone troubled.” A male voice says from behind me.

My eyes snap open and I turn my head around to see a gray pegasus stallion with a long and tied-off darker gray mane standing a few steps behind me. “Afternoon.” He greets me.

I blink in confusion. “Er… hi.” I respond quietly.

The stallion looks around the area we’re in. “Very peaceful place you’ve chosen to rest in.” He notes in a gravely low voice. I raise a brow at his comment.

He doesn’t seem to notice it. “Do you mind if I join you?” He asks.

“… No, go right ahead.” I answer. He nods and walks on over to, like me, sit facing the lake.

I’ve always thought of myself as an easygoing guy. I don’t usually go out of my way to interact with people, and it surprises me when they try to interact with me. But once it happens, I don’t mind too much and sometimes I even enjoy it. If anyone else had asked to sit near me like he just did, I’d only really think about why they think they need my permission.

But this time, with this stallion, I’m focusing on something else. Most other ponies I’m near almost always have this feeling of fear around them that I’ve quickly attributed to being around a predator species. But with him… it’s different. I can feel the difference. He’s not afraid of me in the same way every other pony is. The best way I can describe it is that most other ponies feel… flighty, with their fear. It’s a really small amount, fear is too strong a word for it even, they’re just nervous really.

This stallion doesn’t feel flighty… he feels as if he’s sizing me up.

“You’ve got quite an ability there.” He suddenly says.

‘Wait, what?’ I think in surprise. If my focus wasn’t completely on him before, it is now.

The stallion lets out a small chuckle. “And it’s only more interesting now that you’re focused.” He adds. How does he know about my fear element?

“Who are you?” I ask him.

“Not your enemy, for one thing. And a possible future ally for another.” He answers cryptically. I furrow my brow. That didn’t answer my question.

“While… that’s reassuring to hear… I would appreciate a little bit more frankness until I have a better idea of who I’m dealing with.” I say neutrally, guarding my emotions. I’m starting to think I may need to defend myself.

The stallion nods. “Very well. In that case, my name is Proditor. And you’ve very recently been offered an important position from Celestia. I’m here to get a measure of you for it.” He tells me, looking into my eyes with his green ones.

An important position? Wait, is he talking about-

“How do you know about that?” I ask him.

He looks sideways at me. “How do you think I know about it?” He rebounds the question back at me.

How do I think you know about it? I think I’m a little miffed that you’re going back to being cryptic. I level a half-lidded glare of annoyance.

Prodtitor just closes his eyes and lets out a small huff. “If you can’t use your mind to get the answers you need then you may wish to consider refusing Celestia’s offer. It’ll take more than just physical skills to fulfill your responsibilities.” He says.

I frown at his words, but don’t otherwise react. It’s annoying, but his words do have an amount of truth to them. Using my mind to get the answers I need… He knew about Celestia’s offer to me. So that probably means either he’s someone Celestia trusts, or he’s been watching me very closely for some time now. For some reason, neither of those seem too outrageous, as far as guesses go.

I tap a claw on the back of my fist. But there is something else about him that’s nagging at me. The way his presence feels. It’s familiar, but I know for a fact I’ve never met him before. But why does it seem important?

I glance to my left at Proditor. He’s still got his eyes closed, and he’s sitting in the same position. But my eyes drop to his wing closest to me. The tips of his feathers are twitching slightly. We’re both twitchy. And then I have a thought: If one thing’s similar about us, why not another?

“You’re a Knight.” I say aloud.

He opens his eyes and looks at me questioningly. “And how do you figure that?” He asks me, curious.

“Maybe you should use your mind to get the answers you need.” I reply. I think he smiles slightly at that, but it’s gone before I can say for sure.

“Well, this is definitely a first. You’re the first one to guess that on the first try. Yes, you are correct, I am a Knight.” He confirms with a nod.

At his affirmation, some of the things I noticed before start to make sense. His presence seems familiar to me because, like me, he’s a warrior. He’s probably had his will tested as he risked his life in combat against others. He’s experienced pain, and had to endure suffering. And most importantly he’s not afraid of me anymore, because I’mnot afraid of him anymore. My caution around him was reflected by his caution of me. And since I’m relaxing now, he’s relaxing as well.

“You’re certainly perceptive when it comes to reading someone.” Proditor notes, seeing me relax finally.

“Is this part of you “getting a measure” of me?” I ask him, letting the tips of my wing-talons rest on the ground next to me.

“It’s a part of it. But I’ve been doing that since I was sent to look for you five days ago.” He answers.

“For that long? Why reveal yourself now?” I question.

“Because there is much more I could learn about you from talking to you myself, rather than listening in on conversations with others. I’m sure you can agree that people act differently depending on how others interact with them. From observing you at a distance, I learned that you care about the Element Bearers, and the young dragon with the Bearer of Magic, enough that you will be polite with them, and also will attempt to guide them in the right direction in their exploits.” I quirk a brow-ridge. That’s fairly accurate.

“But I also learned,” Proditor continues. “that when interacting with those that are wary of you, such as with the other townsponies, that you tend to leave them be, and do not do anything that could cause a panic. You understand other’s fears of you and so you respect them, but do not forcibly try to correct them.”

“And when confronted with one you have been dramatically hurt by, you will run. And should that fail, you will fight. Viciously. With barely enough restraint to realize you should not try to kill a Princess of Equestria.” He says with a studying look in his eyes. I look away from him, shame flooding my mind at his reminder of yesterday.

“What have you learned from talking with me personally?” I ask him quietly.

“That you are confused.” He answers with what sounds like sympathy. “You are so confused about what you feel, about which emotion rings true within the swirling whirlpool of emotions in your heart, that you don’t feel anything at all.” Proditor tells me.

I look over to him. He hit the nail on the head. Damn it. I close my eyes and shake my head at it all.

“You deserve to be happy as much as anypony else.”

My eyelids shoot open. “What?” I say.

“Why did you tell Princess Luna that? What reason did you have to give her such kind words when by all common sense you should hate her?” He asks me.

“Because… because… I don’t know.” I answer, unsure.

“Why didn’t you kill her when you had the chance to make sure she could never hurt you again?” He presses.

I curl my claws into the dirt at this. “I don’t know.” I answer, hardness in my voice.

“What do your instincts say?” He asks louder than the other questions.

“I don’t know!” I snap back.

“Yes you do! You’re just refusing to listen to them.” He tells me fiercely.

A surge of anger sprouts up within me, but I snuff it out before I can do anything about it. Then I’m sent sprawling from a swift blow to my side. I round on Proditor, his hind leg retracted. He kicked me!

Proditor’s provocations build up and agitate the white fury that I’ve been keeping contained and I feel it’s pressure building up in my core.

“Don’t keep it contained! Let it out! What do your instincts say?!” Predator demands.

“RRRRAAAUUUUUUGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!” I scream in frustration, my voice screeches out in a shrill cry of primal force. Red energy of fear in the form of anger tears its way across the lake in front of us. Water gets pushed violently out of the way and the energy slams into the opposite shore in an explosion of sand and dirt. Droplets rain down back into the lake as mist forms miniature rainbows over the lake. It would have been beautiful if I weren’t so angry and frustrated. I breathe out hot breath from between my tightly clenched teeth, my face screwed tightly into a fierce snarling visage.

I stand there with a heaving chest, slowly recovering my composure. When I do, I answer Proditor. “My instincts tell me to rend the ground to nothing. To tear those that hurt me to pieces. And to rip my enemies apart before they have a chance to do it to me. They tell me to strike first, strike fast, strike hard, and make sure they don’t get a chance to strike back. They tell me not to trust anyone, and that I should just leave and stay to myself.” I hiss out at Proditor. “They tell me to fight, and they tell me to run, and to forsake everyone for my own safety. So I hope you can forgive me, for deciding that my instincts don’t know jack, about what I should do with my life.” I spit out.

“…Are you done?” Proditor asks me, unfazed.

I glare at him before snorting and turning to walk away. Doesn’t help though, considering I hear him following me.

“So what do you plan on doing? Just keep snuffing out your feelings for the rest of your long life?” Proditor, well, prods, at me.

“Why does it matter to you?” I ask him irrately.

“It doesn’t. But I’m asking you because you’re not asking it yourself. You need to get these thoughts and emotions hashed out before…” He trails off.

“Before what?” I question him.

“… Letting yourself stew in them isn’t a good idea.” Is all he says.

I slow my walk down to a stop. My eyes slowly close as I contemplate that. And once again, he’s right. It doesn’t make sorting it out any easier though.

I let out a sigh to calm myself. “You sure seem to know a lot from just watching me for a few days.” I comment to him.

“I’ve been alive long enough to know how to read others.” He responds.

“Pretty sure not as long as me.” I mutter under my breath.

“That, I don’t doubt.” Proditor responds. I roll my eyes. Of course he heard that.

“So what now?” I ask him. “Are you going to pass judgment on me or something like that? Is knighthood not the right path for me?”

“Only you can answer that question for yourself,” Proditor tells me. “But if I were to give my opinion, I’d say you should work out your other problem first, before focusing on whether you should become a Knight or not. Too many problems at once will just make things harder to figure out.”

So I just have to figure it out myself. Typical.

Proditor smiles slightly, as if reading my thoughts. “Of the many trials of a Knight, getting our heads back on straight is the one that we all go through regularly. It’s best you figure out if you can manage to do that repeatedly.” He instructs.

I sigh in resignation, and then look at him to give him a nod. Once again, his words carry truth to them. “So,” I say, quirking a brow at him. “How long can I expect for you to keep creeping around?” I ask him.

“As of now, I need to move on. I have my own tasks that I need to return to, but you can expect for me to drop by now and then to check up on you. I will say that you’ve caught my interest a bit. Drama and personal problems aside, you have the potential to become one of the best of us. I shall see you in the future, Baelor.” Proditor tells me. Then he turns to walk away.

I frown at his parting statement. One of the best of them? How can he make that kind of conclusion?

“Bael!”

I look up and see Rainbow Dash flying down. Curiosity of Proditor’s reaction causes me to glance to him, but he’s gone. I don’t have time to dwell on it before Rainbow stops in a hover near me. “What’s taking you so long? It’s almost time to go!” She tells me.

I blink in confusion. “Time to go?” I ask, not knowing what she’s talking about.

“Seriously? You don’t remember? We’re going out to one of Applejack’s relatives’ towns to deliver a tree. We talked about it, like, two days ago.” She informs me with crossed forehooves.

I try to think back to two days ago, but I can’t really remember anything specific other than that it was the last day Trixie was with us before heading out. Crap, did I zone that conversation out?

“Ugh, you seriously weren’t paying attention? You know what, never mind. You gotta grab what you need for the trip quick or Twilight might have an aneurism if we miss the train. She doesn’t like it when we go off her scheduling.” Rainbow informed me.

I grimace at the thought of Twilight falling on the ground in a twitchy heap. “Yeah, no arguments here. I’ll just head on down to the station now, I don’t need anything other than what I’ve got on me.” I tell her. What I have on me equates to just my whips around my wrists.

“Alright, that’s actually pretty good. C’mon then, last one there gets bottom bunk!” Rainbow declares before zooming off in what equates to a sprint for a flier.

I double take at her departure. “Hey! What happened to “Ready, Set, Go?” I shout ahead to her while taking flight with a burst of wind from my wings to catch up.

“Ya snooze, ya lose! And when I win, I’ll be snoozing up high and pretty in the top bunk Baelor!” Rainbow calls back.

Despite Rainbow’s obvious cheating though, I’m actually grinning for real for the first time since encountering Luna again. ‘Getting my head back on straight… I think I can manage that.’ I think to myself while chasing after Rainbow.

Author's Notes:

Chapter's done and it didn't take three months this time!

"No Scootaloo to cause you Writer's block again?"

Absolutely! Also, this was longer, but I decided to divide it into two chapters. The next one is, as you've all probably guessed in Appaloosa for "Over a Barrel". And since I just cut off this 3 and a half thousand word chapter from it, I can afford to make the next one longer.

"So what happened to waiting to reveal Baelor and Celestia's conversation at the Grand Galloping Gala?"

*shrugs* Changed my mind? Realized the lore behind it was expanding inside my mind to a point to where I can't just explain it all in one chapter? I want the conclusion at the Gala to focus on something else? Take your pick.

"Does Bael really feel like leaving everypony behind? Does he really not like us?"

A thousand years of strife can really mess up someone's mind and instincts Pinkie. Baelor's still trying to work through his problems, but he doesn't want to leave everyone behind, and he doesn't have to either. That's the difference between animals and sapients, we can choose between our thoughts and instincts when they go in different directions. The trick is to work to get our impulses in line with our common sense.

"What do you mean by that?"

What I'm trying to say, is that it takes a lot of hard work to change our instincts to follow our line of thinking of what is right and what needs to be done. A creature's natural instinct to a raging fire is to run away from the danger. When a person runs from fire to save themselves, that's their mind falling in line with their impulse. But firefighters have to hone their instincts to be able to run into it to save the people trapped inside. It's easy for our minds to follow our instincts, but it's hard for our instincts to follow our minds. Since Baelor's been on the moon for a thousand years, fighting-

"-his instincts have been honed to "kill first, ask questions never" when dealing with Luna/Nightmare Moon."

"I guess that makes sense."

And now, for the words of wisdom of this chapter...

"There's a lesson? Why?"

Because I felt like it now just listen.

"You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."
-Mathew 7:5

"Why's it censored?"

That's for the easily triggered.

"Oh. Gotcha. People don't seem to like religion being put into these stories do they. I don't see why they would object to this though. It's a good word of wisdom that relates here."

I know. This world is just going to crap, isn't it.