Scootaloo’s life wasn’t very complicated.

She just went back from school and threw her backpack into the cardboard box. Or rather, a mother of all the cardboard boxes, a monstrosity made of paper gathered all around the town and taking most of the backstreet. It had a living room, two bedrooms, a small kitchen, and a toilet cleverly located just above the manhole. The only thing it didn’t have was a shower, so Scootaloo had to wander around the town, searching for a source of running water. For example, she used to taking showers in the gym, but after she heard what Rainbow Dash and Sunset Shimmer were doing there, she decided to change the place.

She smiled to herself and sat on her porch. Her insanely rich parents kept sending detectives to find her, thinking that she was kidnapped – she’d staged it pretty well and, since her parents were usually on business trips, they hardly noticed that she kept going to school.

To be fair, the detectives weren’t that bright either. Only two so far found her cardboard home and it took only coffee, girl scout cookies, and sexual favours for them to go away and tell her parents that she was probably in Mexico.

Scootaloo chuckled and searched her pockets. After the English classes, Twist went to her and gave her some blue pill as “free sample”. Scootaloo shook her head; Twist firmly believed in marketing laws, even when it came to black market. But Scootaloo was not a kind of person who’d say “no” to any substances that could open her doors of perception a little more. She even smoked vegan, gluten-free weed with Fluttershy and her weird friend Tree Hugger once. It was awful and probably spiked with something – Scootaloo later dreamed about Rarity having sex with Twilight Sparkle’s dog, which wasn’t something she’d like to see again. Especially since many of her dreams just happened to be prophetic.

“Twist, I count on you.” Scootaloo placed the blue pill on her tongue and swallowed it.

Nothing happened. One of Scootaloo’s neighbours, a homeless junkie named Hotshot passed by.

“Good afternoon, Hotshot,” Scootaloo said.

“Hello,” Hotshot replied, shuddering. Scootaloo guessed he was suffering from withdrawal. Sweetie also had such symptoms from time to time, but they weren’t as bad.

Just when Scootaloo thought that maybe she should call Twist, she suddenly saw two fish people jumping from behind the corner. She couldn’t see them exactly, but they were definitely a bit fish-like, even if they walked on two legs. Pale, with long, bald heads, gills, and whiskers, they moved pretty fast. Before Scootaloo could blink, they grabbed Hotshot and ripped him in half.

“Holy shit, duuuuude…” Scootaloo muttered, watching the fish people devouring the flesh of the former junkie. “I need to tell Twist that those pills make siiiiiiiiick visions…”

It was Thursday, which meant a meeting at the local diner. It didn’t matter that they all finished high school and were now in college, or rather two different colleges and, in case of Applejack, working on a farm. A meeting was a tradition and so was bad food.

“What is this supposed to be?” Rainbow Dash asked, looking at her food and poking it with a fork. “Should I kill it before eating or what?”

“Is it alive?” Fluttershy looked at Rainbow Dash’s plate, covering her mouth with her hand. “We need to help that poor creature...”

“Meh, it’s dead...” Rainbow Dash muttered, cutting a piece of her food and trying to chew it. “It’th been dead before we were born...” she added, spraying the crumbs around.

“Mine just ran away...” Pinkie Pie said, looking at her empty plate. “What’s going on with those?”

“Well, Ah’m more worried about Twilight...” Applejack took a bite of her apple. “Has anybody seen her?”

“I’ve seen Sci-Twi in the morning.” Pinkie Pie raised her head. “I wanted to say hello, but she ran past me and locked herself in the toilet. So I followed her there and said hello, but she didn’t hear me because she was vomiting...”

“Thank you, Pinkie Pie...” Rainbow Dash muttered, pushing her plate away. “I’m not gonna eat it...”

“You’re welcome,” Pinkie Pie replied and grabbed Rainbow Dash’s plate. “Dibs on this!”

Rainbow Dash shook her head. Applejack sighed; even Fluttershy raised her hand to her forehead, only to stop halfway through.

Suddenly, they saw Twilight entering the diner. She was walking slowly and mechanically, paying no attention to her surroundings. Her eyes were fixed at one point, about a thousand yards away from her and her face was an expressionless mask. She sat at the table with her friends and for a while she was just sitting there in silence.

“Umm... Are ya okay, sugarcube?” Applejack asked. “Ya look like mah sister after she ate insecticides...”

“Why did she eat them?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“A bad violation of workplace safety rules,” Applejack replied. “Mah parents weren’t very good with that and look what happened to them.” She sighed. “Apple Bloom only got high. Tough girl. A car didn’t kill her and nothing ever will.”

Pinkie Pie immediately took her notebook and wrote something in it. “What was the name of that insecticide? I need my stuff to be as good as Bon Bon’s.”

Rarity chuckled. “You wish, darling.”

“Girls...” Twilight said in a monotone. “Don’t you think that Sunset Shimmer behaves a bit weird recently?”

“Umm...” Rainbow Dash muttered, blushing. “Yes, you can say she does.”

Pinkie Pie smirked. “She’s just testing the limits of this world. At least that’s what she told me when I caught her masturbating with my bra.”

“W– what?” Twilight lowered her glasses a bit, breathing heavily.

“I’d say she’s a bit jaded.” Pinkie shrugged. “But it’s just a phase. Like my sister Marble. She sits in the closet with a laptop, and only goes out at night to eat something and go to the toilet.”

“That ain’t a phase, sugarcube,” Applejack muttered. “She sits there for five years. Are ya gonna do somethin’ about it?”

“We already did,” Pinkie replied. “Maud bought a bigger closet, but it took a year for her to get used to it.”

“What?” Twilight muttered. “That’s just… I mean, my friends in the Crystal Prep were weird, but…”

“And I still have that bra. In fact, I’m wearing it right now.”

Twilight cleared her throat. “Like, Sunset steals your underwear and you do nothing about it?”

Fluttershy blushed. “Umm… She didn’t steal my panties. I just gave her a few so she wouldn’t come to me at night and scare the animals.”

Twilight rested her hands on the table and slapped her forehead. “That’s…”

“– and I didn’t wash this bra since then!” Pinkie exclaimed.

“That’s nothing.” Rainbow Dash chuckled. “She came to me in the showers and I–” She turned towards Twilight only to see an empty seat. “Wait, where did she go?”

“I guess she’s a bit jaded,” Pinkie Pie replied.

Sweetie Belle stood on the pavement and looked at the nearby buildings unsurely. The sun nearly hid behind the horizon and it was getting colder. She wrapped herself tighter in a black coat and looked at Diamond Tiara’s car standing on the opposite side of the street. She was following it since they left school, chasing it on her yellow scooter. Finally, it stopped by a tall building made of red brick and it seemed that Diamond and Silver wanted to spend a night there.

Suddenly, Sweetie saw Diamond and Silver leaving the building. She lowered her hat to cover her face and clenched her hand on the handle of the gun in her pocket. She was about to take it out and shoot them, when someone bumped into her.

“What the–” She turned to see Twilight standing in front of her. Her hair was a mess and her glasses were slightly askew. “What are you doing here?”

Twilight staggered slightly, trying to focus her gaze on Sweetie, who winced, smelling alcohol. “I’m drunk, I’m pissed because Sunset Shimmer steals my underwear, and my back fucking hurts.”

“What are you gonna do about it?” Sweetie Belle asked. She noticed that Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon weren’t heading to their car, but rather to the nearby store. Sweetie also noticed that neither of them had a jacket.

“Fuck me if I know,” Twilight muttered. “Do you think that…” She hiccuped. “... getting more drunk will help?”

“Sure.” Sweetie replied. Twilight didn’t even listen to her, slowly staggering away.

Sweetie sighed. Diamond and Silver disappeared in the store, but Sweetie’s mind already came up with a solution. “If they don’t have jackets, they’re not gonna drive away,” she whispered to herself. “I’m so brilliant.”

With these words in mind, Sweetie crossed the street and entered the building. Looking back, she went upstairs, only to notice an open door on the second floor. A peek inside of the flat revealed Diamond Tiara’s yellow jacket lying on the floor.

The flat was small and mostly, unfurnished, except of a large bed standing in the middle of the biggest room. There was also a flat TV hanging from the wall, but Sweetie Belle was more interested in the objects scattered around the bed. Whips, whipped cream, dildos, ropes, chains, bottles of lube, duct tape, a spreader bar, leather masks, clown’s nose, vibrators, cucumbers, and rubber ducks littered the floor.

“Blasphemy,” she muttered, grabbing a rubber duck. It made a squeaky noise when she touched it. She threw it away and looked at the TV. There were a few DVDs lying next to it. Sweetie took a look at the titles. Bitches in Leather II, Hondo Flanks and Twenty Horny Pussies, Girl Scouts and Donkey Dongs, Naughty Nuns VII: The Renunnification, and The True Story of Snow White and Seven Dwarves were the tamest of the titles.

“Heresy.” Sweetie Belle looked at the covers. “Who watches porn on DVD nowadays?”

Suddenly, she heard someone walking up the stairs. For a moment, she forgot about a gun in her pocket. Instead, she simply opened the nearest door and hid inside.

Unlike the living room, the bathroom was clean. The only thing Sweetie Belle noticed there was a half-empty box of tampons and unfinished sudoku lying next to the toilet. She sighed with relief. Whoever was walking up the stairs, didn’t stop at this floor.

Sweetie caught a look of herself in the mirror. Her makeup was running slightly – it was hot in the flat and she was still in her coat, so she got a bit sweaty. She took off her coat and put in on the laundry basket, remembering to get her gun. The problem was, she now couldn’t hide it anywhere.

Sweetie smirked at her reflection and aimed the gun at the mirror. “You talking to me?” she asked. “You talking to me?” She spun the gun. “Yippie-ki-yay, motherfucker. Go ahead. Make my day, punk. Say hello to my little friend.” She turned the safety off. “The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides–” She paused, hearing some noises from the outside.

“Okay, Spoony, now I’ll give you a ride of your life!” Diamond Tiara’s voice nearly pierced the walls. The door of the flat slammed shut. “After I’m done, I’ll make you eat that cucumber, whore.”

Sweetie heard Silver Spoon’s whimper, interrupted by the sound of the whip. “It’ll be a pleasure to devour a cucumber which was in the mistress’ ass…”

Another whipping sound. “Language! You’re not worthy licking my cunt, not to mention the cucumbers. But there’s a way to prove your worth. Lick my shoes, cocksock.”

Sweetie aimed the gun at the door, ready to burst into the room and fire, however, Silver Spoon’s moans stopped her. “I’ll let them finish,” she muttered to herself.

While Sweetie didn’t believe in ghosts, an absurd thought occurred to her. If she killed Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon while they weren’t satisfied, they’d probably haunt her at night, denied an orgasm forever. A rational part of her brain was trying to persuade her that killing them and running away were the best thing to do, but Sweetie didn’t listen. Especially since she learned that Twist’s pills were causing nasty flashbacks to her. Even while following Diamond Tiara, Sweetie had to keep fighting with her mind, harassed by visions of dragons, fish people, and fairies.

Now, fairies were back. They crawled out of her coat and the laundry basket. Sweetie rubbed her temples and scratched her hair with the barrel of the gun. They seemed to be attracted by Diamond’s and Silver’s moans.

There was also another problem. Suddenly, Sweetie felt an unexpected wetness in her panties and shuddered. The sounds were just too much to handle. She wanted to get out and look at them, but stopped herself at the last moment. Instead, Sweetie pulled down her skirt and panties, sitting on the toilet.

“And now, you’ll get it out with your teeth…” Diamond’s voice rung in Sweetie’s ears as she touched her clit. She rubbed it, clenching her teeth to suppress her own moans. Fairies spun around her head and she saw a pink dragon getting out of the shower and twirling his moustache. Sweetie slid her fingers in her pussy and massaged her clit with her thumb, feeling juices dripping out of her and falling into the toilet. Panting, she spread her legs wider. Fingers felt good, but she needed something bigger…

Biting her palm, she grabbed the gun and shoved the barrel in her pussy. The metal felt cold against her flesh, almost driving her over the edge. She thrust with it, grinding her hips against the handle. Her own voice was drowning in the noise Diamond and Silver were making, and most of her vision was obscured by wicked colours dancing around her. She couldn’t even name them.

She thrust one more time and moaned, her nerves exploding in pleasure. The electric wave of her orgasm reached her brain and Sweetie bent forward in a mind-shattering haze, falling off the toilet and dropping on her knees. Still basking in the afterglow, she took a deep breath and suddenly, everything disappeared in a mix of colours.

Silver Spoon blinked and raised her head from the soft pillow of Diamond Tiara’s butt. “What was that?”

“Who let you stop, filthy little shit?” Diamond Tiara asked.

“Niglets,” Silver Spoon muttered the safeword. “Seriously, something just went boom in the bathroom. Things shouldn’t do that, expect when you take a big dump.”

“No way,” Diamond Tiara replied. “Toilet cistern sometimes does that noise, but if you hit it hard enough, it stops.”

“No, that was something different.” Silver sat on the bed and put her glasses back on, only to realise that they were covered in something sticky. “Not that kind of boom.”

“Okay.” Diamond Tiara stood up and adjusted her leather outfit. “I’ll go and see what was that, but if it was the cistern, I’m gonna rape you in the ass with the chainsaw dildo.”

Silver Spoon chuckled. “My ass is waiting, then.”

Diamond Tiara got out of the bed and walked to the bathroom. Silver watched her, smirking at the chainsaw dildo standing in the corner.

Suddenly, she heard a sound of someone dropping at their knees, following by choking and retching. She shrugged and slowly stood up, walking to the bathroom. She grabbed one of the dildos from the floor and took it with her. While there was probably nothing to worry about, Diamond apparently had a small disagreement with her food. There had to be some cause.

“Oh.” Silver Spoon said when she opened the bathroom door. The first thing she noticed was Diamond Tiara kneeling on the floor in front of a large puddle of greenish vomit. While Silver was looking at her, she shook and threw up a bit more.

Silver’s eyes moved to the toilet, where she saw a pair of white legs hidden in stripped socks. “Wicked Witch of the East!” she exclaimed.

“That’s not a witch…” Diamond Tiara whispered, trying to catch a breath.

“No, that’s how she must’ve looked like when the house fell on her,” Silver Spoon replied, walking towards the body while carefully avoiding Diamond’s vomit. “Look, she has guts everywhere and there are many things here that are normally inside.”

“She shot herself…” Diamond Tiara gestured towards the body. “There’s a gun in her…” She took a deep breath and threw up some bile.

“Strange.” Silver Spoon looked at the gun. “If someone wants to commit suicide, they put the gun in… the other lips. And usually they do that in their own bathroom, not someone else’s.”

“This… doesn’t bother you?” Diamond Tiara asked.

“Kinda.” Silver Spoon poked the body with the dildo, causing some organ to fall off and splash on the floor. “For starters, this is Sweetie Belle. After the bullet eviscerated her, it broke her jaw, but most of the hair is intact. Also, she was sitting in our bathroom with a gun. Which, my dear Tiara, brings another question: why?”

“To kill herself and ruin our night?” Diamond Tiara asked. She raised slowly from the floor, rested herself against the sink and turned the tap to drink some water.

“Highly unlikely,” Silver Spoon replied. “What else happened, Di? Examine your conscience.”

“Apple Bloom,” Diamond Tiara muttered. “But still, I don’t get why’d she–”

Silver Spoon sighed and turned to Sweetie Belle. “Think, Diamond, think! She’s wiser than you, and her brain is all over the wall.”

Diamond Tiara rested her hands on the sink and threw up the water into it. “You didn’t have to remind me. Also, is it about those drugs?”

“Precisely.” Silver Spoon smiled triumphantly. “They were working for someone who didn’t like us stealing them. And now this person wants us dead. Think about it: if it wasn’t for her getting intimate with her gun, this…” She dipped her finger in the greyish red substance covering the wall and licked them. “This would be us. Imagine that suddenly your skull explodes and your eye gets stuck to the ceiling." She clicked her tongue and looked at her fingers. "Damn, that’s salty.”

“I’d rather not imagine that,” Diamond Tiara muttered. “What are we gonna do now?”

“Hide the toys and call the police,” Silver Spoon replied. “She hid here with a gun and we didn’t shoot her.”

Diamond Tiara turned away from the sink to look at Silver Spoon. “Are you crazy? Everyone knows that police kill people!”

Silver Spoon sighed and shook her head. “Mostly those who deserve it. They won’t shoot us because Sweetie Belle shot herself in the cunt in our bathroom.”

“Yeah, right.” Diamond Tiara muttered. “They’re already after my family’s guns. What if they put me in prison? I wouldn’t survive that!”

“You already did,” Silver Spoon said, examining some organ lying on the floor. “Remember that party– Wait, you don’t remember that.”

“I don’t,” Diamond Tiara replied. “But I saw photos in the tabloids.”

“Yeah.” Silver Spoon nodded, speaking slowly and clearly so Diamond Tiara would understand her. “That’s why we need to call the police. So this doesn’t happen again. Do you get what I’m saying?”

“Yes. We need to hide the body.” Diamond Tiara took a deep breath. “If we call the police, media will be on my ass again, and you can imagine that the only thing that sells better than sex is a lot of guts, and since some smartass will find the toys and movies, and examine every last DNA stain from the mattress, we’ll have both sex and guts, which would be a bad thing, since I’m kinda a celebrity, a tycoon’s daughter and a promising tennis player, and the tabloids would have a field day with such a thing, not to mention that daddy will hate what I did and he’ll disown me this time for sure, especially when he hears about the drugs and he’ll surely hear because then it’d be sex, drugs, guts, and rock and roll, and that’s what all those pesky paparazzi like the most. That’s why we will hide the body and send a fish to Twist.”

“Why?”

“I just summed it up for you in one sentence,” Diamond Tiara replied.

“No, I was asking why we should send a fish to Twist?” Silver Spoon asked.

“How do you think, who makes those drugs?” Diamond Tiara smirked. “Everybody at school calls them ‘Twist’s blue pills’.”

“Okay, but why the fish?”

“My grandpa did it once when the Apples sent a guy to kill him,” Diamond Tiara said. “We need to show her that Sweetie Belle sleeps with the fishes.”

“Yeah, because that surely won’t get us killed,” Silver Spoon muttered and looked at the body. “And what we’ll do with all that? My freezer is not that big.”

“You know that pier in the abandoned part of the port?” Diamond Tiara asked. “The one where there’s that old jetty with a sign saying ‘Don’t throw the rubbish into the sea’? No one ever goes there.”

“Yeah, I think I remember.” Silver Spoon nodded. “Our first sex tape, right?”

Diamond Tiara blushed. “Yes. We can throw her there.”

Silver Spoon smirked. “Get me some plastic bags. If we do that right, the ocean currents will carry her to Senegal.”

“Okay,” Diamond Tiara said. “I’ll prepare the car. Scrape her off the walls, will you?”

“Why me?”

Diamond Tiara carefully walked around the greenish puddle on the floor. “You don’t throw up.”

Twilight stood in front of the convenience store and rested herself against the wall. “Fuck.” She looked at the other girl standing next to her in a long, black trenchcoat and a baseball cap. “Can you believe they didn’t want to sell me vodka? Like, I thought I was good at pretending to be sober.”

Vinyl inhaled some smoke from her cigarette and shrugged.

“W-what’s even the point?” Twilight asked, staggering and resting herself on Vinyl. “Like, when I’m drunk, I want to get more drunk… Why they d-didn’t sell me the fucking vodka?”

Vinyl rolled her eyes and gave Twilight a cigarette. She then produced a golden lighter from her pocket to light it up.

“T-thanks,” Twilight slurred. “W-what are you even doing here, my saviour angel?”

Vinyl looked back at the store and then at the buildings on the other side of the street.

“Ah, I get it.” Twilight smirked in this particular way only drunk people smirk when they think they’re funny. “You’re a fucking architecture student, don’t you?”

Vinyl shook her head and blew out the smoke. Twilight nodded and tried to do the same, only to choke and bend forward in a fit of coughing.

Vinyl watched Twilight curiously, watching to step away in just the right time. She’d lost one pair of shoes when Octavia’s fit of laughing after witnessing her home country’s match against Iceland ended with a violent expulsion of stomach contents and she didn’t want this to happen again.

“Okay,” Twilight said when she regained the ability to breathe. “I’m not drunk enough, I have no vodka and your cigarettes are shit. Where can I get something to make me forget about back pains and Sunset Shimmer being a fucking stalker?”

Vinyl nodded and pointed to her left. Twilight walked to her and squinted, trying to see what Vinyl was showing her.

“The ice cream parlour?” she asked.

Vinyl shook her head.

“The sperm bank?”

Vinyl chuckled, but then shook her head again.

“That abandoned shop with metal door?”

Vinyl nodded.

Twilight smiled, adjusting her glasses. “Cool, mate. See ya around.” She walked away, limping slightly and rubbing her back.

It didn’t take long before she noticed two pairs of big, pale eyes observing her from some dark nooks. She turned quickly, but the nooks turned out to be empty.

“I must be seeing fucking things,” she muttered and continued to walk. However, soon it became obvious to her that the eyes were back there, watching her every step. The itch in the back of her neck was pretty hard to ignore, even despite the fact that her brain was currently bathing in ethanol.

“A-ha!” Twilight exclaimed turning back. Two bald, greyish guys smiled sheepishly and looked at each other. They were shorter than Twilight and mostly naked, except of loincloths that seemed like they were covered in scales. Despite the darkness and her drunkenness, Twilight also noticed that they had gills.

“Fish people, huh?” Twilight asked. “You want to devour me, you sick, blasted cocksuckers?”

The fish people looked at each other again, but before they could reply, Twilight kicked the shorter of them right in the wedding tackle. He opened his mouth, but didn’t scream, mostly due to the lack of vocal chords. Twilight wasn’t strong, but she still insisted on wearing massive boots that were in fashion during her last year in Canterlot High. In the town, they were slowly becoming that-one-fashion-fad-we-thought-was-cool-and-now-we-laugh-at-it, but Twilight was never the one to follow fashion. Anyway, her kick was enough to send the fish person flying on the street, where he died under the wheels of a speeding black Ford Mustang.

“Now it’s your turn, dickhead,” Twilight muttered to the other fish person. However, he didn’t want to check what else this weird purple menace had in store and quickly ran away.

“Great.” Twilight smirked at herself and walked down the street, to the old store with massive metal door. She looked around, at the decrepit brick and boarded up windows. Then she knocked.

A small window in the door opened. “Who are you?”

“Sci-Twi!” Twilight showed all her teeth.

“Are you twenty-one?”

“Yes, of course!” Twilight replied.

There was a long moment of silence. Then, the lock clicked and the door opened.

“Slutty schoolgirl, eh? Take one of those blue pills,” the tall and muscular bouncer said. “Then proceed downstairs. What’s your safeword?”

“Gamma-hydroxybutyrate,” Twilight replied.

“Any particular preferences?”

“What do you mean?” Twilight adjusted her glasses.

“Boys, girls, anything in-between, trained monkeys, porcu–”

Twilight’s eyes lit up. “Everything!”

Silver Spoon sighed, looking at Diamond Tiara and then at the road behind them. “I’ve made a mistake,” she muttered.

“Not the first and not the last.” Diamond Tiara turned sharply, almost hitting an empty fruit stand.

“No, I mean, I shouldn’t have licked my fingers after–” Silver Spoon looked at her hand.

“Yes, that was sick.”

Silver Spoon blinked a few times, then took off her glasses. “I mean, she was a friggin’ junkie, right? I tasted her blood and now I’m tripping balls.”

“How so?” Diamond Tiara turned to her friend and stared at her, until the sudden wail of a bending fender made her look back at the road.

“I just saw that we ran a fish person over.” Silver Spoon muttered. “And that Twilight Sparkle kicked this dude under our car.”

“Strange. I haven’t noticed anything.” Diamond Tiara shrugged and pushed the accelerator to the floor.

“Did you ever notice anything you ran over?” Silver Spoon asked.

“Yes. Apple Bloom.” Diamond Tiara tapped her fingers against the steering wheel. “Also, I don’t get high on brain, therefore I’m a better driver, so shut up, Spoony.”

“Logical as always…” Silver Spoon shook her head, clutching to her seat.

Author's Notes:

Important notice: contrary to what you may think, "rubber duck" is not a typo. Make of that what you will.

Another important notice: don't try anything from this chapter at home. Not only you'll die, but also the paramedics will talk about you for centuries.