Tim is rushing through the grounds of Canterlot Castle. The guard stallion that had come to their door at the most inopportune time was quite insistent that he come with him immediately. Three very upset mares are waiting for him, and getting his clothes on was rather difficult considering the looks his mares were giving him as well as the impatient tapping of the unicorn’s hoof as he waited in the hallway with the front door open. Tim was surprised, though, none of the mares of his herd gave the stallion a second glance.

He makes it into the castle proper and rushes towards the throne room. The stallion peels off as he makes it to the large doors. As he touches those doors, they are encased in a golden magical field and are wrenched open. He finds himself jerked forward magically as the doors slam behind him. Princess Celestia is standing there, her tail waving back and forth, and a blush on her face as she regards the human.

“Finally you arrive. I have a problem that I need your help with.”

Tim ducks his head. “Princess, I thought we had settled that earlier?”

Princess Celestia’s reaction surprises the human. First, she flinches, her eyes widening, then she shakes her head as though she’s trying to banish a thought and her flowing tail clamps down onto her rear. She clears her throat. “No, Tim. I’m not asking you for that. Though I am in the beginning stages of that time.” She shakes her head again. “I shall need to retire fairly quickly. But I had you brought here for a specific reason. One of the experiments that Twilight has been working on here in Canterlot has borne some fruit.”

She steps to the side. A woman is there, sitting on the floor. A human woman. Tim takes a step forward, no, not a woman, a girl, not much more than fifteen or sixteen. Short blonde hair reaches to her jaw line, though it’s precisely cut. She’s wearing what almost looks like camouflage, but it’s not any pattern he recognizes. It’s also devoid of any country or name markings, which is odd. He waves his hand in greeting, and her eyebrows furrow as she waves hesitantly back. Tim looks up at Celestia. “A human?”

She nods. "Actually, Tim, I called you here because this human is here and I can't understand them."

“It’s a woman, Princess. A girl, actually. Can you deactivate the translation spell in me? So I can try to talk to her in my tongue?”

The girl flinches and scuttles back as the alicorn’s horn alights and slowly comes down to touch his forehead. He remembers the familiar feeling of what seems like a switch being thrown inside his head. Celestia leans her head back, looking at him curiously. [[Shu yo shpopo?”]] “Can you still understand me?”

Tim nods. [[Shpopo Pon. Shpopo hyi.]] “My practice in eponese seems to have paid off. I can understand you just fine.” Tim trills back. He turns to the human. “Hi!”

"Slava bogu! Nakoents drugoj chelovek! Pochemu zhe est' takie stranye loschadi?" <Praise God! Finally another person! Why are there so many weird horses?>

Tim flinches back, his eyes wide. He looks at the girl, then up at the Princess. [[Hyiclop, wshpopo.]] “Princess, I can't understand her either."

The girl looks at him, then at Celestia, then back at him. "Ty ne govorish' po russki?" <You do not speak Russian?>

Tim glances back and forth. He’s not a linguist, her words are not much more than gibberish to his ears.

Celestia’s ears flick back and forth. [[Tamgamg wo mo shyichyi k’wa ho lakakal k’wa?]] "What do you mean? Not all humans live in one kingdom with a shared language?"

The girl’s voice is rising. "Shto-zhe ono -- ona govorit? I kakie zvuki?" <What's it, or she, saying? What the fuck are those noises?">
`
Tim rubs the back of his head. [[Tamgang mwamwa k’wa shasha]] "We're all over our planet, and English is just one of over a thousand languages. Remember, I told you we have over a hundred different nations."

The girl frowns. “Shto ty na eto govorish? Kakoy yazyk?” <What are you saying to it? What language is that?> The panic in her voice is rising, getting Tim to squat down to be more at her level.

“It’s okay, I’m American. Do you know America?”

She looks up at him. “Amerikanets?” <American?>

He nods.

“Tvoyu mat’…! Ty proklyaty amerikanets! Konechno! Yasno!. Shto zhe est’ glya menya delat’!? Ya splyu? Ta umerla?” <Holy Fuck! You have to be a fucking American. What the hell am I going to do? Am I dreaming? Did I die?>

Tim looks up at the solar diarch, who is leaning closer, inspecting the human female, her ears flicking side to side as she considers. After a bit, she turns to him. [[Wini ga. B”chlo wo nachamg?]] “She’s a noisy one, that’s for certain. Would she be going into estrous? Some ponies get a lot more vocal during that time of the year.”

Tim sighs. [[Lakakalbo ya, hyiklop, wb”chlo – slisha shk mest nushap” kakfashkakfash sha.]] “I’ve already told you, Princess. We don't have estrus; we're horny and fertile year round."

[[Shwa?]] "That's supposed to be a relief?"

[[Winrey su shu cho? Oloc’ kusa? Yegabab klopep p”a chukakfash?]] “What am I supposed to say? She's a raving sex maniac and is going to fuck everypony with a pulse for the next month?"

Celestia grins. [[Bahab mest susu!]] "At least we'd know how to deal with that!"

The human girl stands up, brushing off her clothing. “Izvenite pozahaluista. Menya zovut Marina Aleksandrovna Zhukova. A vy? Gde ya?" <Excuse me please, I am Marina Alexandrovna Zhukova. Who are you? Where am I?>

He leans forward. "My name is Tim. Do speak English?"

She shakes her head. "No, only Russian."

Celestia giggles. [[Shpopo ya hyamb -- oloc’! Oloc’ fufu!]] "I understood that! She has a sense of humor."

Tim glances back at Celestia. “Most people know a few words of other languages, I know a couple dozen words in Spanish – yo no hablo espanyol, and a little Polish thanks to my grandmother, but not enough to converse.” He turns back to the young human. “It will be okay, did you say your name was Marina?”

She nods. “Da.”

“Well, Marina, you are in Equestria.” He gestures to the Princess. “This is one of their leaders, err, Tsarina, Princess Celestia.” He stops for a moment, it’s the first time he’s pronounced her name in his native tongue in who knows how long, it felt odd to say compared to how he usually does.

The human looks at the alicorn with wide eyes. “Printsessa Selestiya!” <Princess Celestia!> She seems to think for a moment, before running at the solar alicorn, who’s horn lights and restrains her. “Otprav’ menya domoy! Proshu, tebuyu, ya hochu domoy! <Send me back home! I beg, I demand, I want to go home!>

Celestia’s eyes widen. [[Wres hyamb reshyi]] “I don’t think she’s happy.”

Tim sighs. [[Res shpopo. Chwinrey p”a su mest hyamb wb”amg.]] “I think if I had been conscious at first, I’d probably have reacted the same way. Please, let her go.”

As the princess releases the human, Tim reaches in and puts a hand on her shoulder. She jerks her head to look at him. The look on his face gets her to pause, then after a few moments, she slumps.

“Mne nel’zya otsyuda, li nyet?” <I’m stuck here, aren’t I?>

While he doesn’t understand her words specifically, he does understand her emotions there. He nods his head.

[[Bahap cho susu hyamb”?]] “So, what are we going to do with her?”

Celestia looks lost for a moment. [[Bahap shumg b”ap’ chobi hyamb seha?]] “Would your herd be amenable to a new member, a human mare?”

Tim’s eyes widen. He glances at Marina, then back at Celestia. Then he slowly shakes his head. [[Wres lak kakfash. Wres mest.]] “I don’t think Citrus and the rest would accept her without getting to know her. I don’t think forcing the issue would be wise.”

Celestia shrugs her wings. [[Yo winrey su chuwoloc’ RaKadenzar. Mest ashi hyamb bahap hyi.]] "I'm making her Duchess Cadance's concern. Perhaps she will redeem herself...."

Marina glances back and forth. "Shtyozh?" <What the fuck are you saying?>

The galloping of hooves gets everyone’s attention as a royal guard bursts into the throne room. [[Hyiclop! Mwamwa lak Tim! Bahapazu imgaseha RaHyiclopR TailaitR.]] “Your Highness! Another human has appeared. And that machine that Princess Twilight made is ramping up again.”

Celestia glances at Tim before darting off, Tim runs to follow, and notices a few seconds later that Marina is following as well. They are hot on the hooves of the solar diarch as she rushes through the halls of the enormous castle. She skids through a turn and clatters to a stop before a large…device is the only word that Tim can apply to whatever it is. In the middle is a glowing ball of light, and as they watch, a human is catapulted through the light and lands unceremoniously on the floor. That human joins two others that are sitting there, both rubbing their heads and seemingly trying to get their bearings after what seems like a rough trip.

[[Hyeb namg. Yo bahab, Tailait?]] “Oh dear creator.” Celestia says softly. “What have you done, Twilight?”

With two more thrums, two more humans are tossed into the room. Tim puts a hand on the alicorn’s withers. [[Sokolosh chobi chme?]] “How do you turn it off?”

The bleak look he gets back tells him everything he needs to know. As they both turn back, the device thrums several times, and nearly a dozen humans get tossed through. Marina flinches back. “Blyad’” <Fuck.>

Tim turns to run, to find Twilight so she can turn the damned thing off as it starts continuously thrumming, and streams of human beings flow through the machine. Celestia dances back. [[Keyos raDisk’ordar!]] “Oh fuck!” she moans.

Happy April 1st!!!

Much more than the usual thanks to Kalash for the editing, the Russian, and Eponese translations. A more regular chapter should be posted this Friday. Hope you all enjoy!