Stories From Beyond the Grave

by Gravekeeper

First published 5th of October, 2016

A collection of ficlets, snippets, and unexpanded/unexplored ideas; all of them carefully packaged in a standard shipping container.

...or, alternatively, "Boy, Twilight Really Gets Around!"

A collection of very short snippets, ficlets, random ideas, and other musings that I've been collecting for years now, even while I was 'inactive' as a horseword writer. A lot of these come from discussing episodes, character motivation, and headcanons with a number of other different brony friends and writers.

Surgeon General's Warning:
For your convenience—no matter the character, setting, or subject being explored—all of these stories have been neatly stored and delivered in a standard Shipping container.

Though they are largely unconnected, some have developed running themes and jokes. Most of these stories center around Twilight Sparkle being the straight mare to the madness that is her romantic entanglements and life in Ponyville. They explore different temperaments and interpretations of our favorite nerd: sometimes adorkably inexperienced, sometimes confident, sometimes uncannily worldy.

Each one will feature an Author's Note that explains in better detail what's wrong with me the motivation, discussion, or episode that led to its creation. Most of these were written off the cuff on Skype or Hangouts, so they're mostly just for fun and not very detailed or polished; but I still enjoyed how they turned out!

Enjoy!

1 - Private Lancer

Author's Notes:

Timeline:
Set some time after Magical Mystery Cure, but before the start of the next season.

Background:
Oh, what a delightfully divisive episode! Lurker that I am, I was quite content to stay out of the bloody spiritual, philosophical, and moral war that this episode sparked, but I still had fun speculating on where in the world Twilight was headed as a character after this small change.

The conversations I had with my friends about these were numerous and full of shipping (because of course), and it eventually led down the path towards a headcanon where Twilight was stuck doing her Princess-y duty in Canterlot, away from her friends. Missing being around them, and being able to see them at any moment like she could in Ponyville, Twilight searched for a way to give her friends casual, anytime access to visit her at the castle unimpeded by guards, laws, or homeland security concerns.

She found two ways: the first one was that, among her new privileges, she could choose anypony as Captain of her own Royal Guard company. One down! Now, for the other four, well... Luna had some ideas about who else had such access to a Princess's quarters...

Status:
I've had some ideas about this one becoming a stand-alone short story, with a second chapter dedicated to Twilight's conversations with each of her friends to get them in on the plan, and then a final resolution chapter.

"I've nothing to say to you, Princess."

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes despite Rarity's back being turned towards me. It's one of a distressingly long list of habits I've been forced to temper once I became a princess; very early on after my coronation Celestia helpfully informed me that my body language was not quite as tactful as my spoken word barely managed to be.

Well, I mean, It's not my fault the lower courts are mind-numbingly dull by design! As necessary as it was to give equal, undivided attention to every citizen's concerns, some of them were... banal, to put is as kindly as I am physically able to.

Tangents, Sparkle! Rarity had already made her way across the throne room during my distraction, her trot as crisp and measured as it's ever been. The Royal Equestrian Marine academy had seen fit to replace the ridiculously alluring sway in Rarity's gait—a sway that could silence any a room she graced with her presence—with a purposeful, efficient stride that showed off her taut, lean muscles and betrayed her rather ineffectively concealed physical strength.

OK, so it was still ridiculously alluring. "Rarity, hold on for one second!" I finally found my voice as I galloped up to her retreating, shapely form.

...I swear that's not the only thing on my mind, seriously! At least she stopped walking away from me, so that's progress, I suppose. "One," she said, not even bothering to look my way as I caught up to her; immediately, she resumed walking.

Oh, c'mon! Celestia forgive me, I rolled my eyes. I followed after her, remaining silent as I matched her brisk pace through the winding halls of Canterlot Castle, still in a bit of a dull shock as I processed how I'd come to ruin this so quickly. As bad as what I'd done may sound, I would've expected Rarity to have a bit more faith in my integrity; this is not at all how I expected our reunion to go. In fact, a furtive look at the checklist tucked under my wing informed me that we'd barely shambled past item number two, and with the way things were going, numbers four through forty-six were in very real danger of remaining incomplete for the foreseeable future.

This was a rather distressing revelation, especially considering that I had already waited months for Rarity to come back from training. Though I was aware through her letters that her training was nearing its end, she had never given me a specific date for her return. Just an hour ago, she had made her presence at the portal to the throne room known to me with a polite cough.

Her surprise appearance (in retrospect, a rather obvious machination of the Sisters) left me with an embarrassing and catastrophic loss of control of wings and higher mental faculties. There she stood with a respectful right hoof raised to her cap in salute, and somewhat less respectful half-lidded eyes and a smile that screamed 'Yes, I know I look fabulously magnificent.' And she did! With her firmly pressed navy-blue dress uniform, gilded saber secure in its ornate scabbard, lustrous indigo mane in a tight bun and mostly hidden by a white and red cap, and a horn no longer filed down at the tip, I was at a complete loss for words to describe what I wanted to do to her her appearance.

Thanks to Celestia and Luna's conspiracy we were both spared the indignity of anypony witnessing my flying tackle-hug and possible—though unconfirmed—squealing and blubbering. Rarity reigned in her own emotions for all of three seconds before we were hugging and dancing and spinning and just generally being so very, very glad that we were in physical contact with each other again after so long.

Okay, that last bit might've been more on my side, but still.

Then, because that's my thing, I had to oh-so-casually drop the news on her without thinking about how she might react. And truthfully, the more I think about it the more I believe I should have thought it through a whole lot more than I did. It was beginning to dawn on me that Luna's suggestion might have had an edge of facetiousness to it.

I'd had a perfectly good reason for asking my friends to be my royal harem; now I just needed to convince Rarity of it.

2 - TMPS Prompt 103: Suit Up.

Author's Notes:

Timeline:
September 10th, 2012

Background:
You guys remember Thirty Minute Pony Stories? To the unfamiliar, TMPS was a blog that issued daily story prompts to anyone up to the task, with the challenge being that you had to write your submission in under 30 minutes. A lot of the fun with these prompts were the different ways the writers would interpret the simple instructions provided. I had a number of other attempts at other prompts, but I think this one was the only one I submitted on time, while the website active.

Status:
Standalone and done!

Rainbow Dash literally burst through my library's door, gently carrying Fluttershy in her forelegs and not-so-gently carrying Applejack and Rarity by their tails in her mouth; Pinkie Pie appeared to be quite happy being dragged along by biting on Dash's tail. With a whip of her body, she violently scattered the girls around the lobby, except for Fluttershy, whom she gingerly put down on her four legs, then lightly patted on her head.

Rainbow turned to me, blatantly ignoring my look of disapproval; I'd bill her for the door later, as always. “Okay Twi, I brought everypony here, just like you wanted!” she barked, ignoring the pained complaints of Rarity, Applejack, and Spike, whose only crime was being in the direct path of the former two.

I nodded. “Alright girls, we've got an emergency on our hooves,” I began, using my magic to gather everypony around me.

“Yeah!” Rainbow Dash interjected, “Snips, Snails, and What's-His-Face woke up the Ursa Major!” she added; I was about object to Rainbow Dash’s name-calling, but then I realized I actually couldn't remember that annoying kid's name either... Pipper? Squeaky something?

The girls all cast concerned glances in my direction, prompting me to elaborate. “Rainbow Dash spotted the boys running away from the Everfree Forest; when confronted, they told her they’d gone in for a dare...” I said, rolling my eyes; this had to be—by far—the most common excuse used by both foals and grown ponies alike to justify entering the forest.

“Anyways, here's the plan: you four are going to warn and help evacuate everypony while Fluttershy and I...” and that’s where I trailed off, distracted by an echo. It only took me a second to realize that Rainbow Dash and I had been saying the exact same thing at the exact same time. We both turned to look at each other. Dash's expression soured.

“Who died and made you leader? I found the kids, so this is my operation!”

Well, that came out of left field. “I'm no pony's leader; we're a team, Rainbow Dash. I just—”

“Man, you always come up with the plans! You're not in charge of us!” She pointed an accusatory hoof at me; I gathered that she was in no mood to be reasonable today.

Sensing her issue was focused particularly on me, I decided to diffuse and deflect. “For the last time, Rainbow, we're a team, and we're all equal! In fact, if anypony's the leader here, it'd be Applejack!” And I meant it, too; I know I can have… moments of reduced reasoning capacity when I get stressed out. Applejack, on the other hoof, is a rock.

“Whoa there, Sally!” AJ quickly spoke up, alarmed. “Don't drag me into this! I'm just a simple farmer!” ...Alright, so Applejack disagreed.

I gave her a skeptical look and was about to logically refute her obviously wrong opinion when Spike piped up, jumping between us all. “Uh, guys, how about a little less leadership and a lot more butt-kicking?” he asked, pointing out the window, where the massive beast was making short work of Town Hall. I could already see a few ponies floating in its starscape; I guess the Ursa Major doesn’t chew her food.

“Right!” we all said at the same time, galloping out the door.

“Right,” I began, with a roll of my eyes, “I’ve put all our names in this fabulous hat,” I continued as I saw Rarity beam, clearly ignoring my sarcasm. “The next name I draw out gets to be our leader,” I emphasized with just a bit of venom and a glare towards a certain sky-blue pegasus, “for the next global catastrophe.” Rainbow just grinned smugly at me, crossing her forelegs as she leaned against one of my bookshelves.

“Alright girls! Suit up!” I called, punching the red button on my watch. I grinned smugly at Rainbow Dash as the magic watches enveloped our bodies in blinding energy. The beak-shaped helmet that appeared around my head made me look absolutely ridiculous; I'm still not sure why I ended up as The Raven— some sort of inside joke, if Pinkie's uncontrollable giggling was any indication.

I couldn't care less, though; Rainbow Dash's, or rather, The Falcon's sour face as her scalloped cape materialized made it all worthwhile. I bet she hadn’t even considered that somepony besides herself could win the leader lottery, even after she dumped forty papers with her name on them in the in the hat!

I looked back towards our fearless leader, The Kakapo, with a smile; Pinkie Pie had easily convinced Rarity to come onboard with her plan by granting her the job of designing our outfits. Then she got Fluttershy to come around by telling her it would all be bird-themed. AJ and I, well... we just loved to see Rainbow Dash stew in her misery as her costume’s scarf wrapped around her eyes because of the wind.

I kinda liked the name, too. “Science Ninja Team Getcha-Mares are gonna getcha, Discord Jr.!” screamed The Kakapo, for some reason causing an explosion behind herself.

I rolled my eyes as I tried to not let it show how much fun this was going to be.

3 - Color Coded... and Drunk

Author's Notes:

Timeline:
Fits pretty much anywhere before the end of Season 3.

Background:
Plow Claw and I were talking about the lows us shippers might sink to in order to ship efficiently and prodigiously, and I suggested color-coded shipping as an excellently flimsy excuse for pairing up ponies. Suddenly, we had Rarilestia, RariScratch, TwiSparkler, Minuexie, and, of course, BerryTwi.

Status:
Standalone and done; no future plans as of now, but I did have fun writing it!

"Ugh... Am... Am I blind? Again? Spike, are you there? I... I'm not sure but I think I forgot to wear the goggles. Again."

"Is that the dragon thing you keep around?"

"GAH—!" Twilight shouted, before immediately regretting it. "Sweet Celestia my head!"

"Yeah, you were really pounding them down hard last night. Don't worry, I just put a sleeping mask on ya so you could sleep in a little longer... I kinda figured you would need it after the evening we had."

Twilight lifted an uncoordinated hoof to her face, feeling for the mask. She let the hoof drop on a very comfy bed she was fairly certain wasn't hers. "Um... Okay... I'm not sure how to ask this politely so... We?"

Berry Punch giggled. "We, as in Twilight Sparkle, the Tree Hermit, and Berry Punch, the... Free Turnip?"

"Pfffft! Ow!" Twilight sputtered and held her head with her hooves. "Please don't make me laugh..."

"Sorry, I panicked;" Berry said, gently running a comforting hoof through Twilight's mane. "Thought I'd impress you with my cunning linguistics, but then I remembered I'd already returned the thesaurus I borrowed from the library."

Twilight used her magic to lift one side of the mask, eyeing Berry with one half-open eye. "You did no such thing. Nopony's borrowed a thesaurus yet in all the time I've been living in Ponyville."

"Geez, hungover and still your brain's got more horsepower than most sober ponies!" Berry laughed, nudging Twilight lightly.

Twilight blushed at the contact, and her smile faltered a bit. Berry was quick to notice, and quickly removed her hoof from Twilight's mane. "Um..." Twilight began, pulling the mask all the way off. "So, yes, I did, er... wake up in your bed, I'm assuming?"

Berry Punch nodded, keeping her expression neutral. "You assume correctly, yes."

"I... See..." Twilight blushed deeper. "Well, there's certainly no polite way of asking, um..."

"We didn't have sex," Berry said, tinging a bit and averting her gaze to an apparently very interesting wall.

Twilight let out a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding. "Okay, that's good! Er, that is to say, not that I think you're unattractive or anything but I really don't remember anything from last night past a certain point and I would've felt really bad because I didn't even know who I was talking to a minute ago and—"

Berry bopped Twilight's nose, which scrunched adorably as a reflex. "You're cute when you ramble. And don't worry, I know for sure you don't think I'm unattractive."

"Um." Twilight's eyes darted from side to side quickly, her eyebrows raised skyward. "Okay?"

"You are the flirtiest drunk I've ever met," Berry smirked, leaning back down on the bed, resting on her side while facing Twilight.

"Oh no..." Twilight covered her eyes with her foreleg, blushing redder still.

"Oh yes! I will admit: when I saw you strutting your way up to me last night, wine bottle floating behind you, I thought you were about to ruin both our nights."

"By Luna's moonlit butt, please, stop..."

Berry giggled, pulling Twilight's hoof away from her eyes. "I get hit on all the time by drunks; I guess I kinda have a reputation?" she said, her lopsided smile and downcast eyes betraying her otherwise cheery tone for the briefest moments. "Anyways, you've got Game, Sparky!"

Twilight smiled despite her embarrassment. "'Game'?"

"I don't think anypony's ever spoken to me like that, drunk or sober... Just... a very organized list of things you find beautiful on me?" Berry's smile turned hopeful, but it quickly gave way to a smirk. "If I hadn't actually seen you down three bottles of wine while we chatted, I wouldn't have even known you were drunk off your haunches."

Twilight groaned. "I want you to know that the only reason I haven't teleported myself to the moon right this very second is because trying to do so with this massive headache would probably result in me scattering my individual atoms across the interplanar sphere."

Berry guffawed, then drew closer to Twilight, tentatively resting her hoof on the unicorn's head again. "Hey, there's waaaay worse things to be than an eloquent drunk. And you have a beautiful singing voice, too!"

Twilight blinked. She turned to face Berry, who was still smirking. "Sweet Celestia, no... Please tell me I didn't—"

"—Sing me a song that evolved into a town-wide musical about my flanks? Totally didn't."

4 - Color Coded... and Right On Time

Author's Notes:

Timeline:
Takes place some time after Magic Duel.

Background:
A companion to the previous short, Plow Claw, with whom I've been bouncing off ideas and general shippery for the past year, did his own take on the previously-suggested Minuexie. We talked at length about Minuette's powers in the fandom ranging from being right on time to being the lord of time and causality and all that, and everything in between. We basically settled on the ever-fantastic Sharp Spark's version of Minuette from his excellent story, A Stallion for the Time Being, with a little of the cheerful show-canon Minuette thrown in. I rather liked the idea, though Plow Claw mentioned that he didn't want to end it on a sad note, so I obliged with a little sequel to his initial prompt.

Plow's section is provided in the quote box, and used with permission. He is Context Incarnate.

Status:
Standalone and done!

Warnings:
Mentions of off-screen sexy times!

Trixie yawned and scratched at her mane with a hoof. She looked around the room almost proudly. She wasn't entirely sure where she had ended up, but there was a warm homey-ness to the bedroom that made her feel welcome. She spared a moment around the room, but failed to spy her paramour of the evening. No matter, she still had places to be. It simply meant she wouldn't have time to give them a kiss on the way out. She levitated her hat and cape into place as she exited the bed, carefully making the sheets. No reason to be unkind. A light telekinetic grip opened the door. And Trixie recoiled with a strangled noise of surprise at the huge smile on the other side of the bedroom door.

"Good Morning Trixie!" Minuette chirped cheerfully as the showmare attempted to start her heart beating again.

"Oh, err, g-good morning." She thumped her chest twice, and swallowed a lungful of air.

"I brought breakfast!" Minuette happily floated over a tray of eggs and sweet rolls.

"Oh, that's very nice of you- err, but Trixie really should be-"

"Your next showing at Horn Quarry was cancelled due to rock fleas."

"What?"

"Your show, three days from here, that you had to leave for today. It's cancelled."

Trixie blinked, and scratched at her head. "When-"

"You didn't actually mention it."

Minuette continued to smile, Trixie shifting nervously. "Why-"

"You went to the school for gifted unicorns, right?"

Trixie glared her frustrations at the other unicorn, but gave a grunt of agreement.

"So did I! ...You know, they actually call some really special moves Trixies there."

"Trixie is aware. Something over the top spectacular, that still fails."

Minuette winced. "I... I didn't know that."

Trixie shook her head. "Trixie is glad she was able to spend this time with you, but she is a traveling showmare. Even if Horn Quarry is off the list, it's still on her way east Equestria."

"Would you come back?"

"Trixie can't make promises. She's already known to lie."

"..." Minuette looked to one side, then back to Trixie. "If you could change something about your life that you knew you regretted, would you?"

Trixie raised an eyebrow. "Trixie supposes. But then you'd never know how the rest of your life turns out. Fixing a problem might mean never learning from it."

"What if it's realizing you don't want to let somepony run away?"

Trixie frowned at Minuette, who shifted nervously. "Trixie doesn't remember your name. She's loud. She's brash. Yes, she is skilled, but is the rest of it worth it?"

Minuette stared at the floor.

"Trixie is not some ideal. She is not perfect. She is not an alicorn. She is not even a strong spellcaster. Stop holding onto some dreams."

"This isn't the conversation I prepared for."

Trixie gave a bark of laughter. "Prepared for? Trixie is hardly that predictable."

"I know... that's why I don't want to let go."

Trixie's head snapped up as Minuette's eyes glowed white, her cutie mark actually animating, turning upside-down.

---

Minuette's eyes snapped open, just minutes before Trixie was going to wake up. She leaned over to sneak a kiss from the sleeping showmare, and slipped out of bed. She gave a sigh as she closed the bedroom door behind her. "51st time's the charm?"

Two Years Later

Minuette tapped her hoof impatiently at a perfectly paced meter of 240 beats per minute. '33.025 seconds more,' she thought, eyeing the tea kettle. In 28.878 seconds, she would magically fetch the teapot and teacup to make sure they levitated over to her side at the exact same moment the water started boiling. In 192.230 seconds, she would make her way to her couch, teacup floating besides her, and she would read the newspaper until 0843 Equestrian Standard Time. At 0844, she would—

A knock at her door made her train of thought derail; there were no survivors. She eyed the kettle, then turned her ears towards the general direction of her front door. For 4.087 seconds, she thought about stepping back in time for a few minutes, just so she could set the tea a minute earlier.

She shrugged, and decided against it. "I suppose it's a good thing I made enough for two cups!" she said to herself, turning off the stove as she walked out of the kitchen. Reaching her door, she put on her most winning smile for her soon-to-be tea companion. She used her magic to unlock the door and fling it open. "Good morning—"

The sight of The Great and Powerful Trixie, cape billowing in the wind, face half-shaded by the wide brim of her hat, and somehow looking even better than ever made Minuette's heart stop. Trixie doffed her hat. "Minuette."

Minuette gaped at Trixie.

"Has Trixie caught you by surprise?" she asked, smirking.

"I... I... I..." Minuette, summa cum laude from Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns, replied. "I haven't done it since!" she finally squeaked out.

"Yes you have."

Minuette hung her head. "...Yes I have." She stamped her hoof, bringing her head back up. "B-but not for big stuff! Just for like, when I accidentally burn the toast or something!"

Trixie sighed, half smiling. "Trixie believes you. I know from personal experience how hard it is to drop a bad habit completely."

"I'm so glad you stopped by!" Minuette chirped, "It's been such a long time..." she added, almost a whisper.

"There's going to be an amazing show tomorrow night here in Canterlot," Trixie said, her horn lighting up. "Trixie knows the beautiful, talented mare that will be performing it, and she scored a ticket for you," she added, using her magic to pull the ticket from behind Minuette's ear.

Minuette grabbed the offered ticket with her own magic and brought it up to her line of sight. "'One Night Only: The Great and Powerful Trixie @ The Celestial Amphitheater'?" Minuette gaped once more, but recovered quickly. "Trixie, you're performing at the Amphi? That's one of the biggest venues in the kingdom!" she said, giddily hopping in place.

"Hmm," Trixie replied, nodding stoically. "Turns out Trixie was the one holding The Great and Powerful Trixie back," she said, replacing her hat. "A little less lying, a little less cheating," she chuckled wryly, "And most infuriatingly, a little less reminding lesser, Non-Trixie ponies of their inherent inferiority, and suddenly everypony wants Trixie to show them why they're inferior."

Minuette's smile reached Critical Pinkie levels. "You're amazing, Trixie! ...You've always been."

Trixie pulled the brim of her hat down to shade her blushing face. "Yes, I suppose knowing it and feeling it were two very, very different things. Trixie has you to thank for that distinction, despite the enormous temporal irresponsibility you employed to demonstrate it."

Minuette blinked. "You're thanking me? After what I did? Trixie, who knows how many more times I would've tried to keep you from leaving if you hadn't reverse-engineered my spell! You were... You were right to leave." With downcast eyes, she floated over the ticket back to Trixie.

"Perhaps." Trixie grasped the ticket and once again offered it to Minuette. "But now more than ever, Trixie knows how it feels to have the ability to reshape your destiny to your will; how easy it is to trample others as you grasp that which you believe is owed to you. Trixie experienced this for a single day, while you've had this power all your life."

"Trixie..."

"Trixie had to be tricked into giving up her power. You, on the other hoof, have the power to let power go." Trixie stepped forward, almost muzzle to muzzle with Minuette. "The Great and Powerful Trixie is amazing... But you, Minuette, are extraordinary," Trixie breathed, causing a shiver to run across the other unicorn's spine.

Minuette closed her eyes, enjoying the frisson, then surged forward, lips at the ready, but Trixie had already stepped back a few paces from Minuette's doorway. "Trixieeeee..." she moaned petulantly.

"Trixie should go; she needs to make sure everything is ready for tomorrow," Trixie said, taking another step away from Minuette.

Minuette pouted. "Still running away?"

Trixie shrugged. "Bad habits die hard. It was good seeing you again, Minuette," she said, tipping her hat.

"Hold on!" Minuette called, raising a hoof, "Gimme a second!"

Trixie smirked. "You know I can tell whenever you cast your time spell, now."

Minuette rolled her eyes. "No, silly, I'm doing something dumb ol' Past Me should've done two years ago: coming with ya! I just need to fetch my scarf; it's kinda chilly out!"

Trixie's eyes widened for a second, her cheeks tinging. She let the shade from her hat obscure her features once again. "Minuette... Don't bother."

The words knocked the wind right out of Minuette's sails as her heart dropped. Fortunately, she had already turned around, so at least Trixie wouldn't see her about to start crying like a lovestruck foal. "Ah, y-yeah, I guess I—" the warmth that covered her back surprised her.

"Just take Trixie's cape instead."

5 - Career Paths

Author's Notes:

Timeline:
Weaves in and out of the canon starting from Boast Busters all the way up to the fifth season.

Background:
An idea inspired by another story snippet written by Plow Claw, in which Trixie makes the most of an uncertain future after starting a life with Princess Twilight.

Status:
I think it stands well on its own as it is, but it definitely has potential to be explored, especially centering on the letter exchange throughout the years. I dunno if I'll be the one to do so; this feels like it could grow to be a sort of Ballad Written in Season 6-type of thing, given infinite time on my part.

Warnings:
Talks of off-screen sexy times and foul language ahead!

Twilight opened her eyes, her vision blurry as she came back to life from what she could only describe as a sex coma. They had danced around each other for nearly two years, the taunting letters and friendly replies they'd traded becoming for each of them—unknown to the other—a desperate excuse to stay in each other's lives after that first meeting.

Trixie had traveled across the sea to start her touring anew in a continent unfamiliar with her disastrous Ponyville show, but she could never quite forget the image of that larger-than-life mare that tried so desperately to make herself indistinguishable from the crowd.

Twilight had been so excited when she got that first letter from Trixie; she'd lived a sheltered life in Canterlot, surrounded by gladhooving sycophants that could never muster any sort of opinion or difference of thought around Princess Celestia or her protege. Then Trixie came along: boastful, egotistical, telling everypony exactly how inferior she believed them to be...

Oh, Twilight could never let it show just how much she enjoyed that terrible attitude. And she didn't; she kept up the act. Her replies were always stern or pleasant appeals to get Trixie to come around to the magic of Friendship. For some reason, Trixie kept sending her letters. For some reason, Twilight kept responding to them.

At some point, Trixie had returned to the continent, and the letters had stopped abruptly. For more than a month, Twilight despaired; she had been anticipating Trixie's return for so long, and then... Nothing? Of course, she now knew that back home, nopony had forgotten about Trixie's Ponyville show; the news had spun out of control with rumors and hearsay about what had happened that night, and there had never been any attempt at damage control. Trixie's notoriety had been galvanized and had festered all that time.

Trixie spent many weeks getting booed, vandalized, and run out of many towns, and it had all culminated in the Alicorn Amulet incident. That night, away from prying eyes, inside Twilight's library... Trixie had broken down; cried out all her rage, all her frustration, all the anger she had placed on Ponyville and Twilight for the misfortune that followed her across the kingdom. It had been cathartic for both of them. Twilight had approached Trixie tentatively, but Trixie had kept her at leg's length. "Not yet," she had whispered, and they had left it at that.

A month later, Twilight had gotten a new letter from Trixie; in it, she had gleefully taunted Twilight, claiming that despite the librarian's best efforts, Trixie had started to see some success on the road. Twilight smiled, wiping a tear as she wrote down a chiding, good-natured reply on the dangers of boasting. The letters resumed with the same regularity they had before, though it was pretty clear to both of them that their exchanges had become mere pretext. Twilight, on a whim and perhaps inspired by Trixie's inimitable boldness, had invited the showmare to 'come take a personal tour of her new castle.' As soon as Spike had sent the missive via dragonbreath, Twilight had had a massive freakout about what she had written, and the way it was written.

Twilight had mentally prepared herself for many more months of silence and resigned herself to her own idiocy when, less than a week later, The Great and Powerful Trixie came to her door.

Twilight sighed at the memories, finally feeling somewhat able to get up from her coma. It was still dark out and she was alone in her bed, but the cool breeze that she felt on her skin gave her an inkling of where her very friendly 'nemesis' could be. Trotting up to the balcony, she found Trixie staring out towards the eastern skies, where the black veil of the night had started to give way to the lighter blues that preceded dawn.

"Trixie has always liked the twilight;" she began, sensing the young alicorn nearby. "Not many ponies are up at this time of day; the twilight hour's beauty is a bit of a secret that only early risers get to appreciate."

Twilight Sparkle blushed as she trotted up to the railing, sidling up to Trixie and draping a wing over her back. "Flatterer," she said, giving Trixie's neck a nuzzle.

Trixie smirked. "At this hour, the color of the sky matches Trixie's coat," she explained, using their position to give Twilight's ear a nibble.

Twilight barked out a quick laugh as she ducked away from Trixie's ministrations. Her laughter died down when she noticed that Trixie had not chased her, but instead, chose to remain where she stood, her smile fading as she returned her gaze to the horizon.

Immediately, Twilight's insecurities made their presence known, coming back with a vengeance after being driven away overnight from within Trixie's embrace. "You don't... Do you regret— should I have not, er..."

Trixie turned to look at Twilight with wide eyes.

"I knew I shouldn't have pushed what we had with that letter... It was my first time and you've probably been with like a thousand—"

"—Trixie is going to stop you right there before you finish that regretful thought," Trixie interrupted, holding up her hoof. "The only thing Trixie regrets is not doing this sooner." Trixie half-smirked as Twilight raised her gaze back at her. "In fact, Trixie would like to keep doing this in the very near future, and..." she blushed, "Well into the far future."

Twilight's heart wanted to beat out of its cage, and was quite adamantly attempting to override her baser brain functions into taking Trixie right there on the balcony. Unfortunately for her heart, Twilight's brain was perhaps the sharpest weapon in Equestria. The tone with which Trixie said had said that was carried an edge of foreboding to it. "...But?"

Trixie sighed. "Do you know what dating a Princess will do to my career?"

Twilight blinked. She knew a lot of things but, this? She could honestly say she had never even thought about that.

"Trixie will finally become a household name known all over the world... For being a Princess consort." she said, watching Twilight's bemused face turn to one of shock and understanding as the other horseshoe dropped.

"...Oh, shit."

Trixie's eyebrows shot up skyward, almost giving her whiplash. She stared at the Princess, who looked positively appalled at her own mouth as she stuffed her entire hoof into it. Trixie continued to stare in silence as Twilight's mortification made her turn redder and redder by the second. Trixie couldn't help it, she heaved out a thunderous laugh as Twilight tried to hide her face under her bangs. After a minute or so of laughter, Trixie finally calmed down enough to speak once more. "Trixie needed that," she said, smiling as she wiped a tear from her face.

Twilight frowned, still red from her neck to the tip of her ears. "But what about—"

Trixie closed the distance between them, meeting Twilight's lips. "You are going to make Trixie's professional life damn near impossible," she said, giving Twilight another peck, "You're lucky you're almost as hot as me."

Twilight's eyes teared up as she initiated a third kiss. "Trixie..." she whispered.

Forehead to forehead, Trixie smiled at the alicorn. "We have got to do something about that foul mouth of yours, however," she said, laughing at Twilight's scrunchy-nosed pout. "I think I'll rather enjoy having some dirt on you, Princess Twilight Sparkle," she added, "Naughty words befitting a very naughty Princess, and Trixie's the only one that knows..." she finished, breathing those last words close to Twilight's ear.

"Uhhhh," Spike interjected, raising his arm from where he sat at the far corner of the balcony, "I kinda... heard too," he said, bringing his claw down and pointing his index fingers into each other. "I've been sitting out here since last night, after you guys started ignoring me and started getting all hoofsy with each other."

Twilight turned to stone right where she stood. Trixie raised an eyebrow. "Well, you're family. Trixie is sure you've heard worse things come out of Twilight's mouth before."

Spike's face lit up. "Oh, definitely!" he replied, a brilliant smile stretching from ear to ear.

Trixie turned to face the Princess. "So Trixie and the dragon know; it's not that bad."

"Uhhhh," a familiar, raspy voice said from above.

Twilight's eye twitched as both her and Trixie looked skyward, where a small cloud floated overhead.

"Sorry, couldn't help overhearing, I was just doing— er, some chillaxing on my cloud all night and it sorta drifted over to the castle on its own. My bad."

Trixie blinked. "Alright, so, Trixie, the dragon, and the pegasus—"

"Rainbow Dash, is that Fluttershy up there with you?!" Twilight freaked, noticing a very long, pink tail dangling from the other side of the cloud.

A squeak. "Oh my! Um, no...?"

Rainbow Dash's eyes flicked nervously from side to side. "Uh, yeah, uh, what she said. Nope."

6 - Concerned Citizen's Brigading

Author's Notes:

Timeline:
Some time after Magic Duel, soon after Ponyville sprouts a magical castle.

Background:
I'll try to keep it short, cause this head-canon's something I've had for years and I've got a whole bunch of different angles for it. The gist is following the logical conclusion of Celestia gifting the Apple family all that land all those years ago: the Apple family basically owns all the land Ponyville is built on, so they're basically running a feudal or clan system, parceling out the land to tenants.

Discussing this with my partner in crime, Plow Claw, it quickly devolved into talks of the political implications of this, and more intimately, of the crap Twilight must put up with on a daily basis:

Enter Rabble Rouser, a concerned citizen.

Status:
Stand-alone, though this won't be the first time I come back to this topic; dialogue in the throne room is a common setting when we're writing snippets like these. The head-canon itself originated around the time HiddenBrony and I were brainstorming ideas for The Literary Appeal; I've actually got an unfinished and unpublished Derpy/Carrot Top fic that touches upon it.

Notes:
I'm trying something new here, color-coding Plow Claw's text and mine. Tell me what you think of the format!

Warnings:
Cronyism, corruption, politics, oh my!

"Princess Twilight! PRINCESS TWILIGHT!"

Twilight groaned and fidgeted her wings. Why wasn't she allowed to make a break for it out the windows again? "Yes, Rabble Rouser?"

"Princess, I need to inform you of horrible, unspeakable, dastardly deeds being performed right under your very nose! Your! VERY! NOOOOOOOSE!" She jabbed a hoof at the proclaimed body part, ending in a very unroyal boop of the regal nostrils. Twilight raised an eyebrow.

"It's 8 AM."

"This cannot wait! Princess, one of the most horrible fiends to ever visit our town has returned! Trixie is in Ponyville!"

Trixie raised an eyebrow from the breakfast table, quietly chewing on her scone. She looked around curiously for a moment. She swallowed. "Is... is this news?"

"Is this ne—" Rabble worked her jaw, momentarily stunned at the sight of the magician. "She's... Princess!" she hissed, grabbing Twilight's hoof and dragging her to the other side of the room. "Princess!" she started again, whispering loudly. "That is Trixie sitting at the royal table!"

Twilight blinked slowly, rubbing her temple with her free hoof. "Yes, Rabble Rouser, that's a very astute observation; that is indeed Trixie, and she is indeed sitting at the table." Twilight stamped her hoof, doing her best to sound chipper despite her uncaffeinated state. "Well, that solves that mystery!" she said, using her magic to gently glide Rabble Rouser across the room and towards the castle's doors. "You have a nice day n—"

Rabble Rouser dug her hooves into the carpet. "Princess, do you not recall the last time Trixie came to Ponyville? What she did to everypony?!"

The Great and Powerful Trixie cleared her throat. "Trixie can hear you, you know."

Twilight sighed and put her hoof on Rabble's withers. "Yes, Rabble Rouser, I do recall the last time Trixie was here. It was just last week, and she was a perfect gentlemare; I was with her the entire time."

Rabble Rouser scowled, pulling herself up. "Please allow the public records to show that no official funds from the State of Friendship have been wasted on that mare!"

"Protectorate." Twilight sighed, even as Rabble's expression blanked for a moment. "We're not an individual state, we're a protectorate of the Equestrian Empire."

"Do we have government allocated funding?" Twilight nodded. "Then I would ensure that those funds are not spent on some—" Twilight's magical aura yanked on Rabble's vividly red mane, pulling her nose to booped regal nostril with the princess.

"Rabble. I understand the necessity of separating my personal and professional life. Please don't say something that I'll regret having responded to when I'm awake." She released the mare, who took a few steps back, huffing.

"V-very well then! Fine! How about this: Fluttershy still has fangs!"

Fluttershy blinked from where she had just managed to impale a piece of apple from the fruit salad bowl on said fangs. She struggled to remove it. "I.. uh... itth not that odd." Pinkie giggled happily before reaching over to help yank the offending piece of fruit loose.

Twilight wasn't sure if it was the universe or just Rabble Rouser that was giving her the headache."Really, Rabble?" Twilight's wings fluttered involuntary, ruffling her feathers. "You're seriously taking issue... With that?" she asked, pointing at Fluttershy.

At the mention of her name, Fluttershy's ears shot up and she quickly turned to face the pair, her eyes clueless and wide, breakfast forgotten. She tinged a charming shade of red as she tried to lick the excess apple juice from her lips before snapping her mouth shut. Unnoticed by her, one of her fangs jutted out cutely from the side of her mouth.

The entire effect was heart-stoppingly adorable.

Rabble's heart lurched at the sight; she staggered forward, clutching her chest. Twilight looked down at her with a knowing smirk. "Thought as much."

"I—" Rabble swallowed loudly, trying to regain some semblance of high ground. "Y-you still haven't informed the other ponies in town!"

Twilight shook her head. "Do you want to see what happens when ponies intentionally try to see her fangs? She just did this by accident!"

Fluttershy tilted her head in confusion. "Did what?"

Trixie calmly patted the Element of Cuteness on the head. "Nothing, have a waffle."

Rabble took a few steadying breaths, pulling herself up with a scowl. "I won't be laid low this easily! The Public has a right to know!"

Twilight applied a hoof just below her horn and started gently pressuring. "The Public should be completely aware of these situations."

"To be fair, Twi', ya have on occasion lamented that we're all a bunch of silly ponies."

Rabble pulled in a deep breath. "Lyra and Bon Bon are living in sin!"

"No they're not, silly willy!" Pinkie Pie tittered gleefully. "They got married last week."

"Rarity made an outfit out of things in a trash can!"

"I honestly don't even know how I managed to sell over twenty of those. I suppose my April Foals jokes aren't terribly obvious."

"Rainbow Dash dresses fashionably once a month!"

"Who– Wha– I..." Rainbow sank low in her seat, pulling her wide brimmed sun hat down over her eyes, cheeks coloring. "I'm allowed to have a little girly-mare streak. Tiny one."

Rabble let out a wordless growl.

Rabble's face reddened as steam blew from her ears. The rest of the girls all blinked at this. "C'mon, Rabble-Rabble," Pinkie said, popping out from behind her, steaming tea kettle in mouth.

"Ooohh," the rest of the girls chorused in understanding.

"Have some nice, calming tea with honey and join us for breakfast!" Pinkie continued, twisting her head and pouring some tea on the cup Rabble was holding on her hoof. The rest of the girls made wild, desperate negatory signs at Pinkie's suggestion.

Rabble blinked; how'd that cup even get there? "Do you think you can silence the vox populi with tea?" she said, taking an angry sip. A small, contented hum followed, as she raised her eyebrows at the cup. "Truly, you are as corrupt as the Foal Free Press has always reported you to be, Princess Twilight Sparkle!" she exclaimed, emptying her cup before poking at Pinkie with it, silently demanding seconds.

Pinkie smiled cheerfully, pouring another cup full. Twilight sighed as Rabble sipped peacefully on the most delicious beverage for waking up. "Define corruption?"

Trixie cleared her throat. "Well, if we want to be technical, you are about to fill your body with dark broth filled with the wrath of untold secrets."

"...So I like my coffee extra dark."

"Trixie thinks if it were any darker, you'd see green and purple contrails forming off it."

"A dark magic joke Trixie? Really?"

"Trixie was corrupted by dark magic, she can joke about it," the showmare shrugged; meanwhile, Rabble licked her lips contentedly as she finished her second cup.

"I am loath to agree with Trixie, but she does have a point, Darling," Rarity said, stirring some lemon into her tea, "Even in my darkest moments, corrupted by an all-consuming greed that gave me the power to shape our very existence into my own twisted image... I don't think I possessed neither the cruel creativity nor the deviant darkness in my heart to concoct the vile, spiteful pitch you drink every morning."

Twilight paused drinking mid-gulp. With some reluctance, she finished downing her coffee. "It's not that bad!"

"Hun, that big-city instant coffee stuff will kill ya. Dunno why you don't wanna give cousin Peaberry's coffee beans a try; that's what we drink back home ev'ry morn."

"AH-HA!" Rabble Rouser shouted, taking another sip of her tea. "So, Princess Twilight Sparkle would rather invest in foreign crops instead of supporting the local farmers! Wait til I tell the head of the Association of Farmers of Ponyville about this!"

The room was silent for a minute. "Uh," Applejack broke the silence, "Y'all mean me?"

Rabble frowned. "Nnnnooo, you can't be the head of the AFP. You're the local land owner, leader of the Ponyville Planting Platoon, member of the Ponyville Fair Market Fillies, you're in charge of the local Farmers Market association, and you're in charge of Ponyville's City Planning commission for outlying areas." She sipped her tea thoughtfully. "That's like 5 conflicts of interest."

Trixie tilted her head. "Local Landowner? Doesn't that apply to all the local ponies?"

Rabble waved a hoof dismissively. "No, no, I mean her family owns all the lands in and around Ponyville. She's still considered the landowner for the entire township, even though Twilight is considered her superior."

A few puzzled blinks made their way around the table. Rabble sipped her tea happily. Applejack finished an apple tart.

"Wait, Twilight Darling, I thought you owned the land now?"

"It's messy, as most government dealings are. I've basically got princess training wheels on, since I was granted a stable local government with only one town to oversee. Applejack's family still owns the land, then she checks in with me, and then I check in with Celestia." She took another swallow of her pitch coffee, enjoying the disgusting bitterness in ways her friends just couldn't comprehend.

Rabble licked her lips, considering the still half-full teacup. "Could I have a scone please?" Pinkie smiled happily as she retrieved a baked good for the Concerned Citizen.

Applejack patted her belly and waved Pinkie away when the party mare presented the farmer with the plate of baked goods. "And I'd rather let the Mayor deal with most of the city stuff, since the farm and the AFP, PPP, PFMF, FM, PCP, PBaCA, PFSS, and the YMCA keep me plenty busy most o'the time. Twi and I usually only meet for business when some new law needs to be approved or when we gotta meet with the council to talk 'bout tax allocatin' and all that hogwash."

Rabble Rouser nibbled on her scone. "Hogwash? Is that how a civil servant should refer to her civic duty?!"

"Land sakes, girl! Ain't nuthin' civil about havin' to listen to politicians yammer on an' on for ten hours 'bout whether we should be raising the taxes on cherries and cherry accessories by point-oh-wun percent or point-oh-two! I got actual work to do on my farm! Honestly, if I could, I would've already gotten somepony else to talk money and business in my stead on these meetins'."

Twilight peeked around her 30-tall stack of pancakes. "Applejack, you're Tenant-in-Chief of the greater Ponyville Demesne... You can appoint vassals, you know."

"Hoo-ee! Ya serious, girl?" Applejack slapped her knee with her hat. "Hey, Rares, how'd you li—"

"—YES!" Rarity squealed, loudly slamming her hooves on the table. Noticing the startled looks coming her way, she blushed crimson. "I mean, I would be honored to serve my town and my country, Lord Applejack."

Rabble Rouser's eye twitched; the bold, flagrant display of political favors and undue process overwhelmed her brain.