Pony People Partaking in Playing Parody Pastiches
by Eyeswirl the Weirded
First published
Song parodies fit into various situations. Contains comedy/slice-of-life stuff.
Someone proposed that this just be a collection of musical parodies, and it seems like I've got an otherwise unrelated song and situation to share every year, so here we are.
Chapter 1: "Please Come Back"
Prior to their long, emotional, and life-changing recovery from their wicked ways, the sirens stood on the cusp of their ultimate vengeance when a message from their old enemies made them stop and reconsider.
---
Chapter 2: "The Birthday Song"
The sirens didn't have this 'birthday' thing back home, especially not when, if they had their way, they'd have been lavished with love every day anyway. When they came to the human world and learned of the practice, it stuck with them.
Following a long, emotional, and life-changing recovery from their wicked ways and an ordinary (give or take Pinkie Pie) birthday party earlier that day, the sirens invite their dearest friend, Sunset Shimmer, along to witness a special part of one such celebration.
---
Chapter 3: "Request Night"
The sirens have a bi-monthly tradition that interests their friends.
------------------------------------------
Note: Not a sequel to anything, but for the purposes of this story, the sirens are reformed offscreen and have been in the human world for at least a few decades prior to the events of Rainbow Rocks. That in mind, the following might make more sense.
Pastiche - 1. A work of art, drama, literature, music, or architecture that imitates the work of a previous artist.
2. A musical medley, typically quoting other works.
Impeccable Timing
Snow fell in gentle flurries throughout the city of Canterlot, but the lack of wind made for a peaceful scene even in the dim, grey gloom of the afternoon overcast sky. This was especially apparent from the balcony of the top-floor penthouse where Adagio Dazzle, Aria Blaze, and Sonata Dusk sat, going over preparations for their revenge against those that had cheated them out of their ultimate comeback.
Not far from the central piece for the ritual they had put together; a looming, wicker effigy of an oceanic horror she couldn't begin to put a name to (and not just for pronunciation reasons!), Sonata sat with a laptop, having been asked to stay out of the way for now while the others prepared the instrument of vengeance. She gave the gnarly thing and all its twisty-wood tendrils a cursory glance while pulling her hoodie more tightly about herself to ward off the cold a little longer. In the meantime, Aria did her Aria thing.
"So, you're sure this'll-"
"Yes," snapped Adagio for the fifth time that day, kneeling as she worked a knife in long curves along the wooden panels of the floor with one hand and briefly indicating the effigy with the other, "it would be made of coral under ordinary circumstances, but it's only the shape of the thing that matters when the sparks start, and mechanically, it all checks out."
Arms crossed, Aria shook her head, and not just to keep from looking directly at the huge, eel-man-squid-shark thing their leader had woven from wicker over the past few months. "We've never actually done something like this before. Decades in this world and you've never even mentioned doing anything you picked up in the Hadal Archives."
Adagio kept carving the leylines into the flat ceiling of their home. "We've never needed to."
"Which is why I've got more doubts than usual! I mean, this evil super-spell of yours, can you really whip up a disaster using bird blood? One so bad it's supposed to hit not just the Rainbooms, but most of the city? Us along with it?"
"The annual festivities," Adagio answered while grunting with the exertion of knife against what had been pristine, tasteful floor-panel, "have provided an abundance of poultry popular at human feasts, and procuring the necessary heme, unwanted by most local merchants, was not difficult." Finishing up the last grooves of what would be the magical irrigation system, she sighed and wiped her brow even in the cold air. "Nothing ever said it had to be human blood." She looked Aria dead in the eye, a faint shine of rapidly cooling tears in her own. "I'm not excited to do this either, Aria, but as I recall-" she pointed a piercing finger at the base of Aria's uncovered neck, "we agreed that it doesn't really matter what happens to us anymore."
Her mouth tightly shut, Aria still wasn't sold, but before she could think of a non-wussy way to say she wasn't 100% sure she wanted to go through with it, Sonata spoke up.
"Guys. Come see this."
It not being remotely like Sonata to issue instruction in such demanding tones, Aria and Adagio shared a puzzled look before moving over to where they could see the screen that rigidly held her worried gaze. The little window displayed a video of Sunset Shimmer standing near her friends (including a poorly-disguised Twilight Sparkle in a ponytail and glasses), titled 'A Message To The Dazzlings,' posted on Sonata's MyStable page.
Internally afraid that they had somehow been discovered, that the Rainbooms preempted them somehow and were going to stop them without dumb luck this time (or not, she would find out later), Adagio glanced around to find that it was still just the three of them on that balcony. For now. Instinct was to search the house for any sign of them, but for now, she settled on gleaning any possible information from the primary source.
"This part came after," Sonata muttered when Aria and Adagio were ready and waiting, "but it kinda felt like the important part." She pressed 'Play' from the point she'd paused, the tiny Sunset on the screen speaking directly to the camera.
"Sooo... hi! You probably have a lot of questions, but we'd be happy to answer everything we can if you'll stop by CHS some time. Or Sugarcube Corner. Or anywhere, send us a message! I wasn't sold on the idea at first either, but after talking with our newest member-" the camera briefly panned over to Twilight, who wore a self-conscious grin as she sheepishly waved at it.
Sunset chuckled. "Different Twilight, which probably raises more questions, but anyway- we all agreed that there's no sense in holding grudges, that it would be nice if we could be friends, and hope you'll give us a chance. If you're still having trouble with your voices, or anything else, maybe we can work something out? We'd love to help you in any way we can, but since we don't know where you are, or if you're even still around, all we can ask is that you stop by some time if you ever wanna talk. We all hope you'll think about it, and we look forward to seeing you again. And, even if you refuse, the least we can offer is..." She smiled tenderly. "Merry Christmas."
The end of the video heralded only perplexed silence until Adagio poked Sonata's shoulder. "You said that came after. After what?"
"Oh, uh..." She took her cue to rewind to the start, where only Sunset was visible onscreen, a seasonal, red-and-green font floating over her face to relay the title of the video. When it faded, Sunset started to sing.
This is not the original version of the song, I just feel that Mr. Young does a better job of it. Posh sissy-voice king vs. deep, throaty-voice king, y'know?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=msLgjRacbIo
And, I guess try to ignore that it's in a man's voice.
I say...
I'm sorry that with how things went, we all drove you away.
And I...
wish that things could have been dif'rent between us, and that is why...
I'm not glad.
The Magic of Friendship is for all, I'm sure there's a way,
or it'd just be too sad.
We'd gladly let go and ignore all, your past plans...
The camera panned out to show the rest of the Rainbooms, who all joined in the song.
Please come back, and we'll be,
all the best of friends in Harmony.
Please come back, it'd be swell,
if we knew you three were doing well.
So you guys, here's our call;
we would really love to see you all!
Friendship fits, like a glove,
so we really hope you girls might join us, come on back and feel the love!
La la la la la, la la la la la, la la,
la la la, la la la la!
La la la la la, la la la la la, la la,
la la la, la la!
While yes, your magic-draining, it was mean and wrong...
Since you three aren't reigning, it's all bygone!
We know this must sound suspect...
but you all have our respect.
So please, oh please, don't reject!
All of you we would protect!
Forever...
and ever...
Fluttershy sang a short, sweet little solo.
and ever and ever and eveeeeeer!
The rest joined in again.
Please come back, what's in store,
is a wealth of warmth forevermore!
You'll have love, you'll have praise,
even if it isn't ev'ry day!
If you do, we'll be glad,
'cuz we're sure you three can't be all bad!
Friendship fits, like a glove,
so we hope you girls might join us, come on back and feel the love!
La la la la la, la la la la la, la la,
la la la, la la la la!
Pinkie Pie could be heard shouting. "That's it, come on!"
The camera slowly panned out to show more and more students of CHS, until practically the whole school was in the shot, all singing along.
La la la la la, la la la la la, la la,
la la la, la la!
"Ev'ry-body!"
La la la la la, la la la la la, la la,
la la la, la la la la!
La la la la la, la la la la la, la la,
la la la, la la!
Everyone they could see wore sincere, welcoming smiles until the camera closed in on Sunset, who started her speech again before Adagio reached over to pause the video. Without a word, she stood, walked over to grip the nearest, ice-cold railing of the rooftop balcony, and held very, very still.
Neither she nor Aria were talking, so Sonata started that part for them. "Do you think they mean it?"
"Could be a trap," Aria halfheartedly muttered, not having moved from Sonata's side, "like, if they just want us back so they can make us their whipping girls. Or just beat us senseless for a laugh."
"Unlikely," Adagio breathed without turning back to face them, "because if those looks on their faces, the soul in their voices, were lies, they're better liars than I am, and we know there's no chance all of them could be so convincing. What's more," she said while pointing to the wicker abomination without turning around, "they aren't like us." Untrained ears might have heard a trace of guilt in her tone, but they would surely be mistaken.
Standing up, Sonata realized that Adagio was looking out towards Canterlot High. She'd never realized they could see the school from here, but there it was. "So, what're we gonna do?"
Adagio looked over her shoulder at the dark effigy, cold and waiting for the components of the ritual that would consume it, then back at CHS in the distance. She chuckled. "Let's say it's a trap. Let's assume they goaded their entire school into luring us back just so they could have a laugh at our expense. At their absolute worst, do you think they'd really hurt us? Can you picture those girls inflicting lasting injury on purpose?"
Clutching at her bare neck, Aria wanted to say 'yes,' but those last two words shifted her answer to a begrudging "No, but so what?"
"So, we go on a little trip, face whatever they have waiting for us head-on, and at worst, we can still come back here to continue as we were. Even if they know what we're doing and this is a ruse to lure us away and ruin all our efforts, again, they can't stop us from starting over elsewhere." She turned to face them. "We have nothing to lose. What do you say?"
Sonata looked at Aria, who looked like she was chewing on her own mouth as she tried to come up with an answer, so Sonata smiled, giving hers first in the form of a question. "Whatever happens, can we get candy canes on the way back? This is the only time of year they sell 'em all over the place!"
Brushing a hand along her chin, Aria nodded sagely. "Candy canes are pretty cool."
Snorting with amusement, Adagio headed inside. "So they are. Let's see where the rest of the day takes us."
When they reached the elevator, all stopped, fear gripping their hearts at the thought of actually confronting the Rainbooms without any kind of immediate power to call on. Looking at each other, the trio tentatively reached out to lock hands. Turning red, Aria muttered under her breath.
"Th-this is just until we get out of the building."
It wasn't.
Author's Notes:
Finally welded these two together like I should have to start. They're pretty much just the Before and After of one story, so keeping the rule that says not to divide up cases like that in mind, here we are.
-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-Omake:-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-
Rainbow: "Okay, we did the song, but like... if we hear that they all died or skipped town or worked out fun, happy lives totally on their own, it's gonna be super awkward forever.
Fluttershy: "And ever and ever and eveeeeer~!"
Rainbow: "Not helping!"
-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-Speaking of awkward, the ritual effigy was dismantled with fire-axes when they were sure they didn't want to use it after all and the area of the floor on the roof that they carved up was covered with a nice mat. It became a pleasant spot for outdoor, rooftop yoga.
I hadn't planned on doing this, but after having the song stuck in my head for a few days, the idea sounded too sweet (and appealingly, short) to not do. The lyrics even came easier than usual!
And yes, Fluttershy wrote the song. She's thrilled they're using her work, but still couldn't quite push herself to sing the lead at the start and have the camera focus exclusively on her. Luckily, Sunset is pretty much the face of the group anyway.
And also yes, the song does roughly sum up my feelings regarding the Dazzlings making a canon appearance. I don't know if they'll be reduced to Team Rocket (i.e.; hopelessly incompetent, only there to make the heroes look good) or if they'll get so much as two words relating to anything Sunset and Sci-Twi were offered (I don't care to argue whether they should or shouldn't right now), or be written with a shred of human decency to share between them, but after a little over two years (for us, maybe not them), it'd be nice to know how they're holding up, at least.
"You two will be the death of me."
>>[PLAY]
"You've gotta be kidding me."
"Ah, ah, ah! You're a cat now, Aria, how do cats talk?"
Aria grumbled under her breath, and not just because she was garbed in a frilly, pink maid outfit with purple cat ears, a tail, and synthetic whiskers stuck to her face. "M-Mew've gotta be... kitten me."
"Thaaat's rii-iight," sing-songed Sonata as she indicated Adagio, who sat smiling nearby, "now go serve your master for the day!"
The Rainbooms, welcome guests at Adagio's birthday party, giggled as Aria shuffled over. To her credit, she did at least make the effort to smile as she held out the edges of her already short skirt in a curtsy.
"W-what can I do for mew?"
[FFW]>>
"Here ya go," she said as she finished cutting the cake, "just fur you."
"Ah, ah, ah! You're supposed to be a happy cat, Ari-nya!"
"Grrr..." Aria cleared her throat, then smiled brightly as she served the next piece of cake. "Just fur mew, nya!" She closed the sentiment with a wink.
[FFW]>>
Sonata giggled as Adagio and Fluttershy pet a grumpy, pouting Aria together. "Havin' fun, kitty-cat?"
"Mew. Are. Claw-ful."
[FFW]>>
"Hey guys, who wants to play pin the tail on the kitty?"
"Count me-owt!"
--[STOP]
Wearing her old dance outfit, Sonata Dusk cackled with glee as she went over the footage on her phone again. Walking down the street beside her that early evening were Sunset Shimmer, dressed in her new, blue clothes, and Adagio Dazzle, wearing Sunset's old jacket (Sunset had been picked on by a few of her friends for forgetting to wrap it or anything, but Adagio didn't complain) over Rarity's gift of a long, sleek, orange dress and a pair of sparkling, gold-tinted heels. Neither were doing an outstanding job of containing their giggles at the expense of Aria Blaze, who'd at least been allowed to change back into normal clothes (just a simple hoodie and jeans) as she walked just slightly behind them, her head down, hands in her pockets, and a mild scowl glued to her crimson face.
"Aww, lighten up, sour-puss," teased Sonata, "I deleted the shots of your cute, pink panties, just like I said."
"Thanks."
Sunset laughed a little harder at the memory of Aria tripping, falling, and flashing her underwear to the entire party. She still wasn't sure if Sonata had gotten her to fall on purpose, but darned if she wasn't quick with that camera. She looked over the three of them with a smile, all three now wearing their purified gems, the cracks barely visible from when they'd been glued back together.
That that had actually worked only gave Sunset a tiny aneurysm at the time.
Still, the sirens had come a long way since the day they came back to CHS, having agreed to give harmony magic a chance since their gems were cleansed of chaos energy, to the point that all three had at least two or three close friends in Sunset's own group. That thought alone made her all warm inside, but still, she turned to Aria with an inquisitive look.
"So, I've been wondering about this all day; if you were that embarrassed, why did you go through with the cat-maid thing as your gift to Adagio?"
"I didn't, I was the gift."
"Huh?"
"It was me," cheered Sonata, "Aria owed me a bunch of favors and I cashed 'em all in for today," she grinned wickedly while pointing at Aria, "and nailed! Your! Butt!"
"Yea, yea," muttered the former cat-girl, "yuck it up." She glanced at Adagio, who was visibly stifling her giggles. "No, seriously," she said in complete sincerity, "go ahead and laugh. We tell you every year that that's part of the gift."
"I know, I know, but..." She giggled for several seconds. "Well, if you don't mind my saying it, you make for a very cute cat-maid." She giggled a little more as Aria blushed and rolled her eyes, but she could see that stubborn smile. Noticing that Sunset still looked a little lost, Adagio opted to play Exposition Fairy. It was a title Pinkie Pie had granted her the third time she delivered an impromptu history lesson when asked about their background. As she drew the sparkling fairy wand Pinkie had given her today from out of her hair, it was a title Adagio decided she was happy to keep, twirling the wand a few times in the air as she began.
"When the three of us arrived in this world, we had never heard of birthdays before. It just wasn't a concept back home, so we were initially lukewarm on the practice. After just a few years, however, we grew to appreciate having a few days a year in which we could just be nice to the birthday girl." She squeaked in surprise as Sonata latched onto her in an especially cuddly hug.
"And today, that's you!"
"Y-yes," she replied with a little grin as Aria stepped close enough to wrap an arm around her too, "even if you two get a little overenthusiastic sometimes."
Smiling, Sunset tilted her head a little. "Overenthusiastic?"
"They wouldn't even let me out of bed this morning until they'd served me breakfast there."
Sonata smiled proudly. "But it was good, right?"
"You threatened to keep me there with handcuffs!"
"Yea," Aria said with a little smirk, "but the food was good?"
Adagio made a few different faces before sighing and settling on contentment. "...Yes, yes it was. Thank you both."
Sunset got another dose of Warm Fuzzies in her chest as Adagio was again hugged between the two of them. "But, uh... isn't the forced, embarrassing cosplay thing kinda mean?"
When released, Adagio twirled her fairy wand again. "Well, things took a slightly different direction from the norm over the years. My gifts to these two are usually something they may get lasting, practical use out of, like a personal mini-fridge or an elegant sword display rack."
Sonata's midnight snacking made perfect sense to Sunset, but Aria's thing for sharp objects had been all kinds of frightening back when they were first getting to know the sirens.
"And when she can't think of anything like that," Aria cut in, touching one fingertip to the wand, "she sends us places."
"Yea, like-" Sonata maneuvered one arm to she could touch the wand too, "going on a cruise, or skydiving over somewhere super scenic to find a picnic of our favorite foods and an outdoor movie right by the landing area! Aria even went on a pirate island adventure once!"
Adagio facepalmed. "For the thousandth time, I told you girls that wasn't supposed to happen!"
"For the thousandth time," Aria replied with a smirk, "not buyin' it."
"Really! Even if I didn't object to you being stranded on an island full of remorseless, well-armed thugs that probably haven't seen a woman in a long time (which I do, I really, really do), how could I have arranged for the hurricane that hit the area when your ship was passing through?! I was worried sick!!"
"I dunno, but-" Still touching the wand, Aria counted off on the fingers of her opposite hand. "-you've pulled off some scary stuff before when you really wanted something, weather spells were a big thing back home, you knew more about magic than most of the Royal Sentinels, and you just happened to show up with the 'rescue' boat right after I'd beaten their boss, secured a fat sack of loot, and started looking for an escape route. Total coincidence? You're not that good a liar, Adagio."
Adagio groaned, rubbing her temples while muttering about how the two of them would be the death of her.
Chuckling, Aria smiled brightly as she brought the group to a stop. "We're here!"
Looking up, the other three girls found themselves outside a performance hall, tonight's show proudly labeled 'Happy Birthday, Adagio!'
The target blinked twice. "Wh-what? What did you do?"
Aria beamed. "You'll find out real soon. Remember the balcony we usually go to when we come here? The little private one?"
"Yes, but-"
"Great, you guys head there, I gotta check on some stuff!"
She took off, Adagio calling after her in vain as she shot through the front doors. Sighing, Adagio turned to Sunset and Sonata. "Well, this should be interesting."
"If we're in for a show," Sonata said as she followed Aria's footsteps, "I'mma grab some snacks, catch ya at the usual spot!"
When it was just her and Adagio, Sunset picked up with her yet-unanswered question. "So, you said you guys do something a little different for birthdays, but I'm still not seeing where the humiliating dress-up comes in.
"Oh, right..." It tickled Sunset just how much mileage Adagio was getting out of Pinkie's gift as she cleared her throat and gave the wand another twirl, the two of them heading into the building together. "Aria and Sonata are a the ones that shake things up the most. On each others' birthdays, they started by giving the other cheap, shoddy gifts out of disdain, like cute, but stitch-covered ragdolls or a flashlight that, while very bright, has terrible battery life. Then, because the bar was initially set so low, they started trying to 1-up each other, getting nicer and nicer gifts every year. By now, they're trading expertly-crafted works or one-of-a-kind antique objects they know the other would like, but because it's only a little nicer than last year's gift, they act like they're still giving the other worthless trash." She giggled. "I think seeing the look on their rival gift-giver's face, from giddy joy to tearful astonishment, just sweetens it further when they can keep acting like it's nothing."
When they got to the balcony, Sunset took in the view. It wasn't the fanciest place she'd ever been in, but the elegant decor, furnished chairs, and dim lighting reminded her of the kinds of places Princess Celestia had tried to get her to enjoy ("I have work to do, who has time for that 'art school' nonsense?!") back in Equestria. The stage below didn't offer anything more than massive, red curtains and a lot of people in the seats in front of it. Sunset didn't see anyone she recognized before Adagio picked up with her explanation.
"Which brings us to what they do on my birthday."
Sunset turned to her with a raised eyebrow. "Cosplay and performance halls?"
Adagio sat down, patting one of the soft, velvety chairs next to her and smiling as Sunset took a seat. "Not exactly. Before, they would get me something I liked and we'd carry on as normal, but one year early on, they had a fight the week before my birthday, one that left them sulking and sniping at each other for days. I'd fully expected this to dampen the day, so I was pleasantly surprised when both gave me gifts that worked on two levels. On the surface, they were something that I could earnestly enjoy, but looking deeper, there was always some sign of anger, annoyance, or disdain for the other, something that worked as a gift for me and a prank on each other."
"Like an embarrassing cat-maid outfit complete with puns?"
"Something like that, yes." Thinking back, she giggled. "I don't know what Aria is up to today, but this wasn't the first time Sonata tricked/blackmailed/arranged for her to put on something fluffy and adorable to entertain me."
Gently nudging Adagio with an elbow, Sunset shot her a tiny smirk. "Does that mean you really do like Fluttershy's gift?"
Adagio blushed a little as she happily clasped her hands together. "I call him Needle-Maw."
Sunset giggled. She'd thought Adagio was just trying to spare Fluttershy's feelings when she said she appreciated the felt angler fish, but it seemed she really did like soft, cuddly things.
"Oh, and you know that back room at our house?"
Now it was Sunset that blushed. "Uh... th-the one with all the...?"
"BDSM equipment, yes." She grinned mischievously as Sunset fidgeted in her seat. "You remember, right?"
"I was just looking around!!"
Smirking, Adagio glanced away. "You certainly were." Chuckling as Sunset covered her flushed face with both hands, she got to the point. "A few years ago, Aria got the idea to incorporate that room for one of her gift-pranks following a mishap that had left me furious with Sonata around the time of my birthday. The punishment, Aria suggested to me, was that Sonata would test out some of the equipment (mainly the rack and the auto-spanker), then write what amounted to a book report on it."
Sunset snorted with amusement.
"For a grade."
Then she laughed.
"Less than a C meant repeating the lesson." She smiled as Sunset started howling, continuing when Sunset started to catch her breath. "Aria knew that I wanted some feedback on the things from someone that didn't have the same tastes as me, so she came up with the punishment, assignment, and grading rubric." She chuckled. "I don't know how they determine who 'wins' from year to year, but..." Though still smiling, her lower lip twitched as she tried to suppress the growing lump in her throat. "I-it's a difficult balancing act they pull, you know? Blending something nice for me, but mean for the other, meticulously careful to make sure I'll enjoy it as much as possible, but without going too far in abuse of their victim or doing something that would leave me more annoyed or worried than delighted or entertained. They don't have to do that, put in so much extra work, but every time I've told them that, they just smile at me, proud." She was startled by a hand ruffling her hair from behind.
"'Cuz that's how we know we did it right, Dagi!" Sonata vaulted over the chair next to her to take her seat, a big tub of popcorn in one hand. "Want some?"
Seeing the exchange of warm grins between the two sirens, Sunset got another tingly shot of Warm Fuzzies. Then the sounds of squeaky wheels were heard behind them, making all three turn to see Aria bringing an oxygen tank and breath mask around to where Adagio was sitting.
"Hey guys! You all comfy? Need anything?"
Looking squarely at the canister of breathing aid, Adagio raised an eyebrow, a note of worry in her voice. "Ariaaaa...?"
Aria just smiled. "Don't worry, not blowing stuff up or anything, but if you think you need this for any reason, feel free, 'kay?"
"What? Why would-" Aria was already jogging away. "Aria!!"
"Trust me, just stay put!"
Huffing quietly, Adagio crossed her arms as she again scanned the tank and breath mask. "I worry about her sometimes."
When Adagio wasn't looking, Sonata mouthed 'All the time' to Sunset. Sunset giggled.
Before long, the lights dimmed everywhere but the stage, where the curtains slowly drew back to reveal Aria, her hair down and wearing a glittering, red dress, standing center stage with a mic in her hand. Without preamble, music began and she started to sing.
"Ohh," whispered Sonata, "so that's what she's doing!"
"What," Sunset whispered across from Adagio, hoping the unbroken gaze and tender smile as Adagio watched Aria meant they weren't distracting her from the show, "what is she doing?"
As Adagio was barely holding onto it anymore with her eyes glued to the stage, Sonata deftly swiped the fairy wand and gave it a quick twirl. "We all have songs we really like singing, but sometimes it's nice to hear someone else play for us, and, as good as we are, all three of us have songs we sorta feel like someone else does better, and I'm pretty sure Aria is doing the ones Dagi feels that way about for her."
It touched Sunset that the sirens could be this sweet with each other even before their reform. Still... "But, aren't you worried she's going to prank you with this? Dagi told me about you guys' little contest." She guessed the answer was 'no' as Sonata giggled.
"Nah, 'cuz like, we did a duet show for Dagi once way back before any of that started, and there's nothing she could do to get me while singing something Dagi liked." She rubbed her hands together in comically sinister fashion. "Which means I totally win!"
That didn't explain the oxygen tank, but Sunset opted to let that slide in favor of enjoying the show.
Aria performed several songs, some passionate, some haunting, all beautiful. As touching as the melodies were, Sunset got a special kind of kick out of the expressions Adagio made throughout, as it was clear she was savoring the songs more than anyone in the audience below. Eventually, Aria finished a song, waited for that round of applause to end, then signaled to someone off stage. Large sections of the floor around her opened up, slowly lifting a choir and a whole orchestra to accompany her for the last song. Just before beginning, she looked up at the balcony, got happy waves from the three of them, smiled sweetly, and cued her sixty-piece backup.
Oh, we've been together for a real long time,
and I hope that it can stay that way.
It's just been the three of us for ages,
though we have plenty of friends today.
I have always cherished the times we had,
and I'd love to be together all our lives...
Aria's tone turned harsher as the music picked up.
But Sonata, you make me wish I'd gone solo,
'cuz I swear you're brainless,
life would be painless,
if I didn't spend it wondr'ing how our group sur-vives!
The eyes of all three spectators on the private balcony widened.
Out of all the folks,
to tell stupid jokes,
you'll always be The Worst to me.
Knowing you is fun,
like a trip to the sun,
you'll always be The Worst to me.
When you make a souffle,
the house reeks for a day,
and your cooking always tastes like garbage an-y-way!
Your attempts to impress,
they bring us nothing but stress,
you'll always be... The Worst to me.
A hand clamped over her mouth, Adagio started snickering as Sonata burned a hot, angry red.
You're dumber than a new-born, brain-dead, two-headed hydra, with one of those heads shoved up its ass!
You're even more annoying than a room full of babies,
screaming their little heads off 'til the noise shatters the glass!
Your constant failure to get sarcasm was never that amusing to me...
And I just can not stand the smell and the wafting odor
of when you get back, from the local taco shack;
that bad breath and stench of death you're spewing cons-tant-ly!
Oh, you make me regret,
the very day that we met,
you'll always be The Worst to me.
My sanity slips,
when you move your lips,
yea, you'll always be The Worst to me.
Now my patience is scant,
when you forget to wear pants,
and all the crumbs you leave from snacking fill the house with ants!
Oh, it's always a pain,
when we have to explain,
you'll always be... The Worst to me!
And while your fashion sense ain't terrible, most of your wardrobe is pink!
So tell me, when you come around givin' fashion tips, why the Hell I'd care what you think?!
And by the way, your fruit punch recipe ain't doin' it for me,
'cuz I guarantee you're doin' it all wrong!
Even a moron knows that you don't get grapejuice from apples,
and you use so much sugar that if anyone drinks, it'll come back up before loooong!!
After years of attrition,
I have this admission;
You will always be The Worst to me!
I don't care if you can touch your toes,
up to the tip of your nose!
You will always be The Worst to me!
And the biggest joke is that people think you're the 'nice' one,
'cuz you're always so damn stupid, spacey, and clum-sy!
Now I've said it before...
I'll say it evermore!
You'll always be... The Worst to me.
As that last line repeated in a choir, Adagio, tears streaming down her face, desperately fumbled for the oxygen tank and breath mask through her laughter, Sonata scowling even as Sunset shot her an apologetic smile for cracking up herself. Most of the audience was laughing too.
(You'll always be The Worst to me.)
(You'll always be The Worst to me.)
(You'll always be The Worst to me.)
Aria helped.
(You'll always be The Worst to me.) You suck so much!
(You'll always be The Worst to me.) Oh, yea!
(You'll always be The Worst to me.)
(You'll always be The Worst to me.) I'm goin' crazy!
(You'll always be The Worst to me.) Oh, man!
(You'll always be The Worst to me.)
(You'll always be The Worst to me.) For realzies!
(You'll always be The Worst to me.) You suck!
(You'll always be The Worst to me.)
(You'll always be The Worst to me.) Your punch is awful!
(You'll always be The Worst to me.)
Even if we get along sometimes I still think that you really really suck!
(SUCK!) You really are the...
(WORST!) Go back to sleep!
You're The Worst to me, yea you're The Worst to me!
(You'll always be The Worst to me.) The Worst!
(You'll always be The Worst to me.) Ohhh~!
You'll always be The Worrr-rrst to me!
(To me!) To me!
(Ahhh-ahhh-ahhhh~!)
When the music stopped, Aria bowed, happily soaking up the applause, even though it was harder to hear Adagio laughing from there. She waited until the curtains closed to signal that the show was over before quickly making her way up to the balcony where, as she'd hoped, Adagio was still rolling around on the floor and clutching the breath mask for dear life. The sight (well, give or take the oxygen tank) never failed to make her all tingly inside! She hadn't been sure Sunset would laugh too, but whether it was because she thought it was funny or found Adagio's laughter contagious, Aria was pretty sure she hadn't gone too far if she wasn't being chewed out for this by the local friendship monk. Then she stepped around to collect the other bonus to her gift for Adagio; the delicious look of frustrated defeat on Sonata's crimson face. Aria smirked.
"Well? Aren't you gonna say what a great job I did?" The death-glare just made her smile wider! "What's wrong? Cat got your tongue?"
"Screw. You," Sonata answered through gritted teeth. "Where did you even get that last song?"
Holding her head high, Aria took up a proud, hands-on-hips pose. "I didn't 'get' it anywhere, I wrote it myself." Because Sonata was still sitting down, it was a little hard to see the way her jaw went slack without dropping her super-hero pose.
"Wha-?! But, we don't write songs, Dagi is always the one that writes our songs!"
Aria shrugged. "Took a while, but it wasn't as hard as I thought." She'd have kept bragging in that socially-acceptable offhand way, but Sunset had managed to recover from her gigglefits.
"Great show, Aria, I think she-" she indicated Adagio, "-really loved it. You handled the slow, passionate songs a lot better than I'd have expected, too."
"Hah, yea," Aria said with a wry grin and a little blush, idly brushing the back of her neck, "I needed something to lead up to the big one and she never gets tired of making me sing that gushy crud."
Having seen the way Aria got into those tunes, Sunset just giggled. Then she noticed the still-angry-pouting Sonata and her smile weakened. "Still, um..." Sonata must have anticipated her thoughts, because she shot her a little smile.
"It's okay, Sunset, I know she didn't mean it, but you don't get that-" she said while indicating the girl who continued to laugh herself sick, "-by pulling punches."
"I guess not... But, she kinda looks like she's in pain here."
Sonata shook her head. "Nah, give or take split sides, I'm pretty sure she doesn't mind. Right, Dagi?"
Adagio, still shaking with laughter, managed a weak nod.
"Besides," Aria added, "no matter how dainty she might act, Adagio's always been the toughest of us, always taking her spankings with a smile. Usually while offering tips." Eyeing Sonata with a hint of disdain, Aria crossed her arms. "Unlike a certain C-student." She grinned as Sonata turned all red again.
"S-screw you, that thing freakin' stings!"
"I'm just saying, you could have earned more points if you'd gone into detail." She looked to Sunset to glean a more scholarly perspective on the matter, but found her to be locked up where she stood, blushing furiously and looking really uncomfortable. Looking back at Sonata, she could see that the little sense of guilt for talking about this stuff in front of an innocent (y'know, give or take all that stuff she did) highschool girl was mutual, so they settled for waiting for Adagio to catch her breath.
When she could get to her feet again, Adagio rose, stumbled over to Sonata, and practically fell on her as she wrapped her arms around her in a hug. "S-sorry, f-for-"
Smiling, Sonata stepped back enough to boop her nose. "We told you you're supposed to enjoy this stuff, silly." Being laughed at wasn't exactly fun, but given what she'd subjected Aria to this morning, she couldn't complain too much. That, and Aria's happy little smile when Adagio turned to hug her, muttering into her chest about how much she liked the show and how touched she was that Aria put it together for her, made fer feel all warm inside!
"C'mon," Aria said while gently patting Adagio's back, "I've got one more thing to show you backstage; the last part of this year's gift."
Adagio blinked twice. "Hm...?"
---
>>[PLAY]
Every night in my dreams,
I see you,
I feeeeel you...
"You had the whole thing recorded, too?"
"Yea, but that's not the best part."
"Would that be the stack of bills I see over there? Tonight's ticket sales, I presume?"
"A profitable bonus, but no. Lemme just..."
[FFW]>>
Oh, we've been together for a real long time,
and I hope that it can stay that way...
The very last song, the girls who weren't part of the show immediately noticed, had a corner of the screen labeled Nata-Cam, showing Sonata's face through the whole song.
But Sonata, you make me wish I'd gone solo,
'cuz I swear you're brainless,
life would be painless,
if I didn't spend it wondr'ing how our group sur-vives!
Adagio was giggling almost right away, but the look of shock on the blue girl next to her in tandem with the recording of that same face was too much for her, sending her into another bout of composure-destroying laughter that had her sink to her knees in under a minute. Sonata, for her part, made a face of rage and embarrassment similar to that of her onscreen counterpart at a snickering Aria.
"You know what? Next time, I'm keeping the panty-shots!"
"Yea," Aria scoffed, "good luck getting me in a skirt again."
Sonata smirked viciously. "That's what you said last time!"
Her triumphant grin wavering, Aria covered with a dismissive eye-roll. "Whatever."
Ongoing feuds aside, the two looked down at their cackling, crying leader as she kicked her legs in the air.
"Th-the tank," she gasped, "s-someone, plea-hee-heeze, hahahahahaha!!"
Tickled at the display even if she still wasn't completely comfortable with having that much fun at someone's expense, Sunset smiled a little. "Sure thing, birthday girl, sit tight."
Sunset jogged back toward the balcony where they'd left the oxygen tank, idly brushing her fingers over the object she'd been holding onto all day in her jacket pocket. She may have given Adagio her old jacket already, but even if she could get a moment alone with her now, she wasn't sure she wanted to give her a gift after that. It would have been nicer to give it to her on her birthday, but maybe some time in the morning or the next day, Adagio might still accept a tube of cinnamon lipstick.
Backstage, Aria and Sonata watched as Adagio continued to roll around clutching her sides as the last chorus to the song played. Looking at each other, they traded warm little smiles. It was a lot of work putting stuff like this together, but to get such a pure reaction from the otherwise perpetually-guarded heart of their mother in everything but name (and biology, but details, details), it was well worth it.
Author's Notes:
The other Rainbooms would have been here too, but that would be a few too many characters pretty much standing by in silence and I don't think they'd have gotten as much of a kick out of the song as Sunset, let alone Adagio.
I don't remember how long ago the idea occurred to me, but I was listening to the song once and pictured Aria singing something of the sort to Sonata. It just fit so well, I was a little sad that nothing really came to mind for it, because while I can see her being annoying with email, I couldn't very well write a parody that didn't change anything.
Then I got the idea for this story and figured I could just have her annoyed with Sonata in general. Now the dream is a reality.
Also; there's a reference to Resplendence Revoked here, but it would be spoilers for that story if I identified the specific part. If you don't know what I mean, you could always go read it and find out.
The idea of Adagio as the Exposition Fairy only hit me while I was writing that scene, but darned if I don't want to spend hours I don't have to search for an image of her with fairy wings, a wand, and a little tiara now.
Come to think of it, she's a third of the way there with those gossamer wings from the Battle, even if how she uses the bloody things with all that hair is a mystery for the ages. Not like they'd actually provide any lift, I guess.
Request Night
"Woo! Man, that was awesome!"
Sunset's glee drew a chuckle from Adagio as the two stepped out of the garage level of the sirens' penthouse building and into the hall leading to the lobby. "Glad you like your new bike."
"'New bike'?!" Sunset whirled around to face her, her wide, beaming smile unchanged. "They don't even make motorcycles like those anymore, and that one's in perfect condition! Really, is there any way I can say 'thank you'?"
Adagio chuckled. "I think you already did, about seventy times since your birthday last week. Besides," she said while tenderly running a hand over her opposite arm, gently caressing the leather of Sunset's old jacket, "now that I have the proper look down, I needed someone to drive me around town."
Sunset noticed that Adagio had been wearing the jacket almost every day, but reserved her soft-pink tank-top, jet-black, high-heeled boots, and tight, shiny, thin leather pants for when Sunset offered to take her somewhere, even if it was just going out to grab lunch like today. It made Sunset feel a little weird about just wearing her usual clothes, but she was the one driving the bike (with Adagio tightly clinging to her back...), so she was sure she still got full Biker points.
The cinnamon lipstick doesn't seem to have any pattern, though.
"So," she asked as they headed to the elevator, "what was it Aria wanted to show us?"
"Apparently, a few of your-... our friends dropped in and heard about Request Night."
It still tickled Sunset every time Adagio remembered that the other Rainbooms were her friends too. "Request Night?" That Adagio was still using her Exposition Fairy wand tickled her even more as she drew the sparkling, star-tipped baton from her hair.
"Yes, we-" She stopped in front of the elevator, quickly pointing at the 'Out Of Order' sign with her wand. "Well. Stairs it is."
"Y-you live on the top floor!!"
Moving right on to the staircase, Adagio gave the wand a brief twirl. "Yes, and sometimes it comes with-" she brought a hand to the outer side of a firm, muscular thigh with a sharp smack, "-interesting benefits." She stopped, standing with one hand on her cocked hips to peer over her shoulder and grinning impishly at the sight of a lightly flushed Sunset. "As I'm sure you can see," she added while giving her behind a slow shake before starting up the stairs, leaving Sunset to quickly follow.
Sunset did her best to shake off the blush as they started up the stairs. "So... This happens often?"
"Not weekly, but the elevator shaft was never the same after The Incident of 2009."
"Which was?"
"Sonata sampled certain substances for the first time. Simultaneously. Our lawyers strongly advised me not to say more."
"Ah. So, Request Night?"
Smiling, Adagio twirled the wand once. "Every other Wednesday, we get together to sing for each other. Sonata told you that we all have songs we feel someone else does better, right?
Nearly stumbling on the steps, Sunset looked at Adagio in shock. "You heard that?!"
Adagio quickly threw the wand to her opposite hand and gave it a light shake. "You two were right next to me and we all have good hearing, Sunset, Aria just tends not to listen and Sonata is... Sonata." And back to the first, giving it another twirl. "As I was saying, there are some songs we've come to enjoy hearing each other sing, as with my 'making' Aria sing 'that gushy crud' or Aria and Sonata 'making' each other sing cheesy showtunes." She smiled a little as Sunset snickered.
"Is that all they request from each other?"
"Thankfully not. Sonata has asked for lullabies and Aria occasionally requests raunchy pop songs one might hear at a nightclub, which are... appropriate, for Sonata's singing voice." She grinned. "Personally, I like to have Sonata sing metal and rock ballads."
"Heh, I can imagine. What does Aria like you to sing?"
"Slow, creepy versions of love songs to freak out Sonata." Sometimes while staring fixedly at Sonata, even crawling towards her or sitting on her lap if Aria paid up.
"Huh?"
"You might be surprised how dramatically the tone changes if the instrumentation is tampered with."
"So the lullabies Sonata asks for...?"
Adagio smiled approvingly. "You catch on quick."
"...Then, what does Sonata like to hear from you?"
"Ever since we began, it's always been something different in Sonata's quest to find something that annoys and/or disturbs Aria the way slow love songs do her."
"So you've just sung a little of everything? Rap, country, metal, polka, and so on?"
"Yup."
Sunset let her imagination wander a little to distract from the increasing soreness in her legs as they continued up the stairs. Adagio in various outfits suited to the respective genres of music was an interesting thought experiment, but asking if they dressed up for these occasions would probably just get her teased again, so she just let her keep talking.
"There are variations to what we ask one another to sing, of course, and each of us get to request one Encore from one of the others for the night, so the favorite three songs are usually the last played. Aria tells me that Rainbow, Applejack, and Rarity showed up, the topic arose when the latter took a seat on the stage in the living room- you remember, where we sang that duet with the-"
Smiling in fond recollection, Sunset giggled. "Yea."
Adagio nodded. "-and the others explained to the three of them why we saw fit to have that installed in our house so many years ago. Someone got the idea to have them try it out themselves, and according to Aria, it's an interesting show so far." Stopping at the highest floor, she smiled as she took hold of the doorknob. "Hopefully we're in good time to catch part of it."
It would be very wimpy to ask Adagio to carry her the rest of the way, so Sunset focused on the prospect of a well-earned rest for the remaining walk into the sirens' penthouse. When they opened the door, Sunset was once more quietly awed by the decades-old collection of tasteful knick-knacks on carefully-polished shelves, pictures and paintings in elegant frames, random junk that held sentimental value only to the sirens, and what might have even been priceless antiques and artifacts gathered since the sirens arrived in this world. The feng shui of the place left something to be desired, with most of it scattered about seemingly at random, but Sunset got the impression that most of it was placed wherever there happened to be room at the time.
That said, she was a little sad that, like today, the sirens usually kept their curtains drawn and their blinds shut, cutting off the city view unless she wanted to stand there to peek through them like a bored filly spying on the neighbors.
They walked into the living room and headed straight for the stage. It was a structure that took up about a third of the spacious area with lights, curtains, sound systems, and prop chests all centered around a large, round, wooden platform. Naturally, comfortable chairs and a few couches were arranged for optimal viewing, which was where Aria, Sonata, Rainbow, and Applejack were found.
Rainbow happily waved to them. "Hey, guys!"
"Afternoon," answered Adagio, giggling as Sunset flopped down on an exceptionally soft, plush couch with a blissful sigh before taking a seat next to her, "have we missed it?"
Sonata shook her head. "Rarity's getting ready to do Rainbow's pick, but you did miss Rainbow yodeling."
Rainbow got a few odd looks as Applejack snickered, earning her a light elbow and a wry grin from her Apline-singing friend. "Laugh it up, AJ."
"Thanks," she replied smugly, "Ah reckon Ah will."
Sunset smiled at Rainbow. "What'd you ask Rarity to sing?"
Rainbow beamed. "It's a surprise."
"What-"
"Okay, okay, you twisted my arm! You know how those two bicker about Too Dirty vs. Too Clean sometimes? And how Rare fusses over Applejack looking like something the tractor ran over?"
Applejack's brow furrowed. "We don't-"
Sunset smiled. "Yea?"
Rainbow mimed a twirl of the fairy wand to signal Adagio to do it with the real one, something she was still amazed Adagio always complied with. "Well this morning, somebody got a dirty handprint on some fancy, hard-to-wash fabric..."
Flushed, Applejack tugged her hat downward. "Said Ah was sorry."
Crossing her arms, Rainbow grinned proudly. "I just asked her to sing about her feelings on the subject. You can thank me later."
Suddenly, the lights went out, leaving the room in near-total darkness until the spotlight pointed at the stage kicked on. It was pointed squarely at the red, velvet curtains, which were dramatically thrown aside as Rarity stepped out. To Sunset's shock, she was completely disheveled; hair unstyled and messy, mascara running down her face, one strap of her grey, tattered dress hanging off a shoulder in a way that showed a little more cleavage than Sunset thought she'd be comfortable with. More startling than that were her cold, dead eyes, which locked onto a pale, frightened Applejack as the music played and Rarity started singing.
Unforgivable... That's what you are...
Unforgivable! Your stains and tar!
All your grime and filth, it clings to me!
Oh the rancid stench, it stings, you see!
All this, and more...
Do I so abhor...
Unforgivable... That's what you say...
when so pitiful, your looks I sway!
I say, Darling, it's despicable,
that someone so, unforgivable,
Dares to say I'm, unforgivable, too.
Rainbow and the sirens quietly giggled as Applejack, unable to look away, sat perfectly still in wide-eyed silence.
"Hey, hey," tittered Sonata as she gently elbowed the farmer a few times, "just be glad it's not in front of a live audience."
"With a camera dedicated to capturing every second of her impotent rage and humiliation," Aria added with a smirk, drawing an angry pout from the butt of her sold-out-an-entire-theater joke.
"Sit on a cactus, Aria."
Leaning over a little without looking away from the spectacle, Adagio whispered to Rainbow. "Did you help her prepare this?"
"Nah, she had it done on her own in just a couple minutes."
Sunset looked at Rainbow in shock. "Rarity did that?! To herself?!"
"Yea, I was shocked too."
Rarity had paced closer to the target of her song, anger entering her expression as she pointed an accusing finger her way.
Unforgivable! You've had your way!
It's unlivable! Your mud and hay!
And so, Darling, it's despicable!
That someone so, unforgivable,
Dares to say I'm, unforgivable, too...
As she delivered the last note, Rarity slowly collapsed on the stage, her condemning hand still extended in Applejack's general direction even as it flopped lifelessly against the hardwood floor.
When things were quiet again, five members of the audience offered their applause as Applejack sheepishly scratched her head. "Yeesh, Rare. Did it really hurt ya that bad?"
"Oh, heavens no," she said in a normal tone as she sat up, not a hint of emotional turmoil in her face, "but when offered such a-" she lovingly ran a hand over the smooth surface beneath her, "-beautiful stage, I couldn't just put less than one hundred percent into this performance, now could I?"
Proud smiles on their faces, the sirens approvingly nodded in unison as Applejack facepalmed and muttered about mountains and molehills, making Rainbow giggle.
"Cool. So," she said while looking at Aria, "how didja say we decide who's next again?"
Aria adopted Rainbow's signal for the fairy wand, hoping it would help all present remember this time. She waited until Adagio had finished the motion before answering. "We usually just let whoever go first, but the most recent singer decides who's next, so, Rarity?"
Smiling as she stood up and hopped off the stage, Rarity looked over her choices. "Hmm... Sunset...?"
And then Sunset felt fear. "Um... yea?"
Rarity wore a hesitant, pleading smile. "How would you feel about a backwards baseball cap, baggy, ill-secured pants, and excessive, gaudy, gold chains?"
"What."
"It's just that, ever since Snips and Snails did their, er, song together, I've been thinking about how they were your minions..."
"Uh-"
"And that got me thinking of you doing something along the same lines..."
Sunset blushed. "Ohh, no, I never-"
"Sooo-ooo, I was hoping you might treat us to an Old Sunset Gangster Rap! Pretty please? I know it's technically not Request Night, but maybe you'd enjoy it anyway? I can assure you the necessary outfit is all backstage." She glanced over her shoulder. "Quite an impressive selection back there, actually."
Adagio grinned proudly. "Thank you."
Her head down, Sunset fidgeted in place. "Y-you don't really want me to... rap at you, do you?"
Rarity clasped her hands together, giving Sunset wide, watery puppy-dog eyes. "Please?"
"Uh..."
She looked to the others, startled to see the exact same expression mirrored on all five of their faces, even Applejack!
Traitors, all of you!!
Despite never having sung rap before, Sunset surprised herself by doing a decent job of holding up the tune.
The same could not be said for her baggy, heavy-with-fake-bling pants.
Author's Notes:
I am open to suggestions on a better name for this little seldom-updated collection.
Thanks, Solemn Vigil!