I feel so comfortable in his warmth that I open up. Once he finished humming I take the opportunity of ease to start telling him about myself. I tell him my name, followed by the whole story of my scar as he strokes a hoof down my back a couple times. He asks a few questions, though only when he thought it was safe. I tell him about some early crushes I had and about each of my friends. I tell him about Noh, and the deal we had to meet for lunch. He questions jokingly about that, accusing me of already having a boyfriend, but he isn’t serious.

I tell him about when I first discovered I was gay, keeping my composure when I bring up Loaf. I tell him how each of my friends and family members reacted when they found out. He seems really interested in my first kiss. He’s astonished to hear about Churner, and how I helped him discover bisexuality. That made me laugh.

After that he starts talking about himself. He tells me his name was Bolden then about how he got his cutie mark, and how it was also his first “gay” sensation. Apparently he’d been a little curious for a while, like I had, then had it all figured out when he performed mouth-to-mouth on a colt back in grade school. He got his cutie mark, and they both were a bit experimental after that, but it seems Bolden was the only one to whom the feelings stuck.

We joke a bit about how closeted we are, and if we went public if we’d start acting like more stereotypical homosexuals. I feel like it seems a little mean, but I’m really just glad we can both joke about it. Considering neither of us were very flamboyant, or up front with our sexuality at all. Most ponies we know could never guess we were gay. Except for Pearl, who apparently he’d love to meet pretty soon.

After a while I decide I just want to cuddle some more, and he agrees. We’re quiet, until I tell him I’m getting a little uncomfortable. He lets me turn to my left side, then brings himself right up against my back. His body fits perfectly against mine and I almost cry at how relieving it is to feel so perfect in this cradle.

Before too long I feel an unmistakable stiffness rising against my back. He shifts a little uneasily, and I can’t help but laugh. “Give me a break, it’s been a while.”

“No, no I get it. Believe me.” I grind my backside against him daringly, teasing him.

“I guess that means you’re a bottom?” He asks.

What does that mean? “I don’t know,” I admit. “What is that…?”

“Well, when two stallions, love each other very much…”

I laugh, but he trailed off like that was all the explanation I needed. I’m catching on, but definitely still need a little more, if only to hear him say it. “Go on.”

He groans. “Two guys having sex is a… complicated, phenomenon.” I’m surprised yet intrigued by his choice of words. He continues, “With our only penetrable orifices being the mouth and anus, our options are limited. If we ever have anal, one of us will… surrender to the other, allowing him to… penetrate, them. The one who penetrates is known as the top. The one who takes it is the bottom.”

My face had gone through a wide range of looks during the portrayal of information. It was definitely something I ought to know, but I was mostly caught up on when he said “if.” “What do you mean, ‘if’?”

“If what…?” He asked, legitimately confused.

I roll my eyes. “You said, ‘if we ever have anal.’ What did you mean by ‘if’?”

He chuckles, “Well, I just wasn’t sure. Originally I just wanted the official guarantee that we’re together.” He had a point; we never technically made it official. Even though we were spooning in his bed, we never declared it. I can’t believe I didn’t realize that earlier, considering how specific I am about all my other relationships. If we never said we were dating, I’d never think we were. “After that,” he adjusts himself, lifting up onto his elbow and looking down at me, “I just didn’t want to scare you by rushing into the idea.”

He’s almost too good to be true. If his junk wasn’t just grinding against my butt I might have thought this was a dream. There’s no way, though; in my dreams I can breathe underwater, and with nearly drowning myself earlier the idea is impossible. I turn my head to smile at him, “You’re right, I don’t want to rush it. However…” I trail off, turning my head at an almost painful angle to get my lips to touch his.

He accepts my kiss graciously, digging in himself with unbridled passion. He moves himself again and rolls me onto my back so that he can lie down on top of me. He looks me in the eyes once more before returning to our tongue duel. He tastes like chocolate milk, which makes me smile, and I wonder what I taste like. I can’t remember the last thing I ate or drank, thanks to this new sensation. I definitely brushed my teeth though, right?

Nothing like that matters. His body is so warm above me, his hooves resting on either side of my head and straddling my back legs. I reach my hooves up and pull on him until he’s lying directly on top of me. His weight makes me struggle to breathe, but only barely. I’m starting to breathe faster, especially once I notice our dicks rubbing together. I moan into him as I’m quickly aroused, sighing heavily when he starts to grind against me. He lifts himself up to look at me. I’m panting.

He’s also breathing heavily, with our meat sandwiched between our hot bodies. He smiles at me and grinds slowly some more. I’m pleading with my eyes, whispering, “I’m not ready.”

“That’s fine,” he promises. He moves down off me then, I watch as he arcs his back and lifts rear end into the air. He’s dragging his muzzle across my belly, eyes still on mine. He steps off the end of the bed smoothly and winks at me as my shaft appears from beneath him.

I’m still panting, almost afraid of what he’s about to do. I don’t know why, though. I just wasn’t sure I wanted this to be the first impression I gave, relying so much on him to only pleasure me. “Wait,” I beg. “I don’t know if this… I don’t think we should do this yet.”

He smirks, “You sure?” Then like a stern with a salt lick, drags his tongue all the way up the length of my penis, me moaning the whole way. What a jerk, but if he really wanted it…

I lay my head back and let him, trying not to think about how this is technically rape. It wasn’t a bad feeling, but considering I never really gave consent he shouldn’t continue. Still, I wasn’t stopping him, and that was consent in my mind. He took the head and I moaned again.

He lifted off again with an audible pop. My heart is racing, my cock throbbing desperately. I glance down to him again, but his head has gone lower. I cry out at the feeling of his tongue on my scrotum. He cups my left teste in his wide tongue, then dragging it up my shrinking flesh to where it reconnects to my penis. He licks along my whole length once more.

“Wait,” I stop him again. I don’t totally know what I’m thinking, “I want to… too.”

He lifts an eyebrow. “Have you ever…?”

“Well…” I don’t want to be the only one getting treatment, but he had a point. I didn’t know what to do with a penis in my mouth. I’m curious as to how he knows, but it’s obvious he’s much more experienced.

“Just let me take care of you,” he insists with a smirk.

I flinch when he takes the head again. This really isn’t what I want, though. I had always imagined that my first time with another would be more meaningful. I wanted to explore his body, feel him over me and embrace him lovingly. I wanted to feel his body against mine, to hold him while he was inside me. “Stop,” I command, afraid I might start crying. He stops, though still with a few inches in his muzzle. “This isn’t…” Am I serious, though? Of course there’s something I’ve always wanted, but am I really willing to give up this feeling for that day? What if it never came? “This isn’t what I want.”

He pulls off quickly, slurping up saliva as the head pops out again. “Ok, that’s fine.” I realize I really am on the verge of tears. How could I be so worked up about this? Just because it wasn’t perfect didn’t mean I couldn’t enjoy it. I sob, then take a deep breath, looking away quickly while my eyes glaze. “Hey, hey, it’s ok really.” I need to stop. He listened to me, he’s climbing back up to see to me. He really has no intention of destroying my vision. “It’s gonna be ok.”

I’m taking shaky breaths while he pulls me into him. I’m only crying because I’m angry at myself, “I’m sorry,” I mumble. “I’ve never had this and I’m afraid of doing it wrong.”

“There’s nothing wrong, I promise,” he ensures, petting my back. “There’s nothing wrong with taking our time, really. I just thought you might enjoy it.”

“I would. I did. Just… I’ve always had this, idea. This vision of what I thought I wanted. I don’t know… I just don’t want to ruin…” I take deep, albeit wavering breath, “ruin us, by not fulfilling the dream. But, I also don’t—don’t want to ruin it by ignoring it. I don’t want you to think I don’t want it and end up resenting me…”

“Shh, I don’t resent you. I could never,” he strokes my mane and pulls me closer. Any closer and I might get sucked in. “I love you.” He couldn’t mean that. We barely knew each other. He couldn’t mean that. “I want you to be happy.”

I sniffle, pressed up against his chest. His heart is beating fast, though his erection is gone. The lust has died, so he must just be worried about me. He’s panicking simply because I’m crying. I need to stop crying.

He strokes my mane endlessly, for what must have been hours. He starts humming again, and eventually I do smile. I can’t give this up.

Author's Notes:

In which I shamelessly tease an overused innuendo.