Before rehearsal started, I asked him what the director said about his hair.

“Oh, you know,” he griped. “He was kinda mad, but like still lenient. He liked my long hair, said it fit the character well. But, like, he never told me that so he knew it wasn’t my fault.”

I finished my juice box then took it to a trash can. “I guess that’s fair. I had a similar situation in high school. Though, instead of cutting my hair for fun I cut it for the sake of the part. I thought it would be better to, basically shave it all off. My director was not pleased. I never did anything like that again.”

“Yeah but you get it,” he affirmed.

“Yeah, I didn’t know not to until it was too late.” I looked up at my dangling bangs, still astounded that they’re so wavy. “It didn’t even look good that short.”

He looked at my head thoughtfully. “I dunno,” he said. “It might make you look more distinguished. Like an…nnn smart philosopher.”

I grin at his clever avoidance of the word “old,” as if it would hurt my feelings. “I’ll have to put some thought into it.”

“All right.”

Curtain Call came in just then and greeted us warmly, shaking off his umbrella. We explained our intentions and he was pleased with the idea. “So were you intending to write plays or perform them?”

I’m surprised at the amount of sass in the question. “Well, if I make a career in writing, why can’t singing just be a hobby?” I combat and he grins wryly. “And speaking of writing…” I run back to my bag, remembering that I brought my rough draft with me. I grab the papers from my bag while Noh and Call chat up front. I notice I’m smiling. I’m not even convinced it’s good yet, but it’s as good as it needs to be for now. I jog back to the front of the room and hoof the rough script over with an excited smile.

He looks as elated as I feel. “Oh wonderful! I can’t wait to get started on this.” He looks it over, flipping through the paper I had loosely bound with string. It didn’t even have a title. “For now, we ought to get started with rehearsal.”

He smiles at me again before turning and trading my script for the one in his bag. Just as he began reviewing notes with Noh, a few more actors waded in from the rain. I excused myself to warm up the coffee makers. Most of the actors preferred hot tea, so I set up some of the machines just to run boiled water. I prefer hot tea, too, so after doing a quick scan of the dressing rooms I quickly made myself a mug.

Rehearsal went on normally, though I couldn’t explain my good mood. I just kept thinking about Noh’s lesson. His sister, Kabuki, noticed once and started chatting with me. We had a pleasant conversation, though it didn’t last very long. She was happy that I was happy, but we don’t have much in common.

The rain had stopped by the end of rehearsal, and Noh left me with a cheery smile. When I got home there was a note under my door. Thinking it was from one of my friends I scooped it up and basically danced inside. After leaving my things by the door I hop onto my bed to read the note.

“Hey Timber. It’s your brother Mill. Tried to stop by but you weren’t here. I’ll be at the Toppleton Hotel when you get some free time. See you soon.”

My good mood died. I had no prior knowledge of his visit, how did he even know where I live? My past was riddled with bad experiences with my eldest brother. They weren’t all bad, though. He was very much like dad, just a lot less confidential. And a lot more conceited. And sometimes violent. I used to fantasize about hitting him upside the head with a shovel, and stuff like that. It always made me feel terrible, though. I always knew he had just as much stress from dad about achieving greatness, I think. I might have just tried to justify feeling guilty. Or maybe Aura was… The memories are vague.

Regardless, I was suddenly very down. Just past midnight, and I’m sitting on my bed trying to imagine a best-case scenario that could unfold while meeting with Mill Jr. Somehow I feel like Cosh breaking down the door and arresting my brother is just a little bit too extreme. Why would I bring Cosh into it? I mean, it’s not like he’s a bad pony. I just don’t know why he’d appear in a day-dream. He’s not exactly special to me. Though he is the only police officer I know personally.

Still, Cosh would have no reason to randomly bust down the door. Besides, Mill was being very civil. He’s probably just trying to be brotherly, maybe he has some good news to share. Maybe mom’s just making him do it in hopes of patching a torn relationship. I haven’t spoken with him in at least four years. He only visited home once or twice after he graduated and moved out. He seemed content with his work, didn’t need any of us. I was content with him being far away.

I don’t need to be beating myself up over this. I can handle one afternoon with him, we can chat about our lives, then get on with them. Go our separate ways… What will he want to know, though? Does he know I’m gay? How will he react when he finds out? Is that why he wants to see me?

My thoughts go to the plastic bag under my bed. Who cares? A smile spreads across my face. I’m a little bit terrified at first, but I’m also excited that I can finally be who I’ve wanted to be for so long. Even if it’s not really what I wanted, it’s a great start isn’t it?

I take out the toy and the accessories. A brief moment I stand in stasis, trying to decide on where to start. The main room seems a little too… revealed. The kitchen? That seems a little outlandish, I think. It might be easier to clean up in there, though. How messy would it be? The bathroom is definitely the most private, easier to clean. I can jump right into the shower afterward. Not a lot of room, though. How much room will I need?

I settle on the bathroom. With the box tucked under one front leg and the plastic bag in my teeth I made my way there. I made sure the front door was locked, then locked myself in the restroom. I unpacked my things, tossing the plastic bag in the waste basket. I cleaned myself out, according to vivid direction on the douche’s packaging, then left the item in the bathtub. I also feel like making this clear; I do take pretty regular bathroom breaks, I just don’t feel like it’s important to write it down each time. You never read about that kind of stuff in most novels so…

After cleaning up, I suctioned the rubber toy to the tile floor, taking a moment to psych myself up for the experience. I thought I was prepared, I wanted to be. Still, some part of me was somewhat intimidated. At least I could take it at my own pace, not worried about the pony on top being too much, too hard or anything like that. I had complete control.