The bell above the door rang as the mare shrouded in the grey trench coat stepped in. She glanced around the tiny shop and found only Starlight Glimmer inside, seated behind a glass counter. The mare locked the door and flipped the OPEN sign around.

“Are you Starlight Glimmer? The mare that removes cutie marks for ponies?”

Starlight sat up on her stool. “Well, that is my name above the shop. Alongside my picture. And the store is called The Cutie Mark Removal Shop.”

The mare stomped across the room. “So this is completely confidential, right? This stays only between us?”

Starlight gave her a reassuring smile. “Absolutely. I only set up shop to help out individuals gifted with more unfortunate cutie marks. I promise that anything that happens here today will remain strictly between us.” She whistled to herself. “Must be one terrible cutie mark you got if you’re trying to keep it so secret.”

“And what do you do with the cutie marks? After they’re removed?”

“Throw them in the dumpster outside, of course,” Starlight replied matter-of-factly. “Always have to put the lid down, though. Ever since I opened, kids without cutie marks have been raiding my garbage bins.”

While Starlight spoke, the mare threw her trench coat to the floor. Only after she steeled herself did she show her backside to Starlight.

Leaning across the counter, Starlight studied her plot and asked, “What even is that? A rubber hose shooting ranch dressing onto some pony’s face?”

The mare’s face flushed. “Are you blind!? I think it’s pretty damn clear what this cutie mark is!”

“Let me grab my glasses.”

From underneath the counter, Starlight plucked out a pair of half-moon spectacles to wear. Then she eyed the cutie mark again.

“Sweet Celestia’s Equestria!” she exclaimed, holding a hoof to her chest. “Is that what I think it is?”

The mare nodded miserably. “See why I wanted to get it removed so badly?”

“So that rubber hose is actually a…”

“Yep.”

“Making that ranch dressing…”

“Yep.”

“And that pony’s face…”

The mare lowered her head. “Is my face.”

Starlight surprised them both by rushing around the counter and dragging a hoof across the mare’s rump. “And it’s real! I honestly thought this might’ve been a prank. It’s so detailed! The playful contrast between the darks and lights. I don’t think there’s a painting inside of Twilight’s entire castle that could match just how visually breathtaking this is.”

“Great. Could you please stop touching my butt?”

Starlight withdrew her hoof. “Only because you said please.” Her eyes never left the highly detailed cutie mark. “It’s just so lifelike. It’s like it’s coming right at me!”

The mare only glared at her.

Starlight smiled again. “Okay. Poor choice of words. But before we go any further, I do have to talk to you a bit.”

“About what?” the mare asked. “Can’t you just get rid of it? It’s revolting!”

“Well, of course, I can,” Starlight delicately explained, “but another part of my job is trying to convince ponies to actually keep their cutie marks.”

That was when the mare stared at Starlight so coldly she became momentarily worried that her head would cave in solely from the power of her thoughts.

“There is not a single thing you could say that would change my mind about this. It runs halfway down my legs for Celestia’s sake!”

“Okay. Valid point. Have you thought about wearing jeans around town?”

The mare raised a sharp brow. “You know how hard zippers are for Earth ponies? Half my life would be spent pulling up zippers.”

“Yoga pants?”

“Then I’d have to take yoga classes! I’m not signing up for that.”

The mare sighed out bitterly.

“This is just ridiculous. First I had to wait until I was already an adult to get my cutie mark and then it ends up like this!? I mean… I didn’t even have time to grab a towel before it happened. I just started floating in the air while this whimsical music started playing from out of nowhere and then this bright light appeared. I even thought for one terrifying moment a big musical number was about to break out. I mean… imagine if the whole town started singing about this? I’d have to move!”

Starlight shook her head. “Now no one’s leaving town. Not on my watch. How did your coltfriend handle all this, by the way? Based off the picture, I’m assuming he was in the room when this happened.”

Waving a hoof, the mare replied, “He has no idea about it. By the time it appeared, he was already passed out and drooling. He kept on muttering something about his grandma waving him toward a white light. Which is odd… considering his grandma’s been dead for years.”

“Holy guacamole!” Starlight chirped. “You really are good.”

“But that doesn’t mean I want everyone in Equestria knowing that!”

“True.” Jumping back behind the counter, Starlight removed a wooden staff from the wall to spin. “See this stick? It used to be my Stick of Sameness. Now it’s my Stick of Helpfulness! Like when I want to point at things! Or reach objects on the very top shelf!”

“Why wouldn’t you simply use your horn for stuff like that?” the mare asked, right before the Stick of Helpfulness whacked her atop the head.

“See how helpful it is? No more useless questions!” Starlight said with a half-sided grin. “Now let’s get cooking!”

A full fifteen minutes later and the cutie mark had been successfully removed, leaving Starlight panting and the other mare with visible tears of joy.

Starlight gave her a card on her way out. “This’ll get you ten percent off anything you might want at that tattoo parlor next door. Just tell ‘em Starlight sent you.”

The mare gave her a quick hug. “Thanks. I was heading there anyways—might get a star or something generic like that in place of an actual cutie mark. Then when ponies ask, I’ll tell them I like astrology or something.”

“Smart thinking,” Starlight replied, closing the door behind her. The mare’s cutie mark was still attached to her Stick of Helpfulness, so she threw it into the dumpster outside, placing a heavy cinderblock overtop the lid.

No way did she want any cutie mark-less foals discovering that image.

Author's Notes:

A little grosser than my usual stuff.

Tried to make this as close to 1000 words as possible. It's hard!

Could there be extra chapters? More ponies with terrible cutie marks? I'm open to suggestions!