“Stupid stupid stupid! Dogs know better than to trust hooves that strike them!” Luna berated.

“Luna,” I attempted.

“What could you have possibly been thinking? Were you thinking at all? I remember the rage you were in when he ran away, I remember the hate in your eyes. But when he appears at your door, you laugh like old friends. What the fuck?!” Luna continued.

“I’d explain if you let me,” I deadpanned.

“Please. Please regale me with your masterful strategy, the one where you don’t do anything!” Luna seethed.

“Shut your damn mouth and I will!” I shouted, finally getting Luna to quiet down long enough for me to speak, “Thank you. Dee’s not the real enemy, he’s just one of their pawns. And while Chelly might be the chess player, I can keep up when I need to and this is one of those times. Taking a pawn off the board means very little in the grand scheme, it’s the leader that matters. Dee’s given me two hints that he believes will lead me to the real enemy. He did this of his own accord, without prompting from anyone. He’s not our enemy, he’s our spy.”

“Our spy? Don’t be ridiculous, he’s luring you into a trap,” Luna argued.

“If he is, then that means he’s further onto our side than I thought. Dee knows better than to set a trap for me. He’s watched what I do to traps and ambushes, he’d only be throwing away whatever troops he sent,” I countered.

“Confident much?” Luna shot back before sighing and dropping her angry expression, “I shouldn’t talk like that, you know Dopple much better than I do. I’m sorry.”

“It’s all right, I’d be pissed too if Chelly made a real effort to kill us both and you just sat back and watched,” I reasoned.

“Absolutely not, I’d be almost required to pull her tongue out,” Luna replied in mock offense.

“Might not work again, try the feathers,” I suggested, making Luna snort at the mental image.

Luna stopped her quiet snicker and tilted her head to peer behind me, “Huh, something’s on fire in Whitetail Woods.”

“I wouldn’t worry. It’s probably just a house fire, they’ll have it put out in a bit,” I replied as I walked over to my chair and dropped into it.

“But isn’t that the same direction you flew off in yesterday?” Luna pressed, forcing me to look.

“Fuckin’ wonderful. Abaddon, get ready to move,” I ordered unenthusiastically as I fished out a cigarette.

“What happened to not getting into direct confrontations?” Luna asked.

“I have no intention of starting a fight, but I’ll scare the fuck out of them while you teleport back to Canterlot and muster the army,” I explained, assuming the smoke was due to Arcane’s fiasco from the other day provoking an attack.

“And if they attack you?” Luna continued as Abaddon lurched sideways in his abrupt turn to face our target.

“I am the conquering king of Tartarus and a once famous warlord, take a guess,” I deadpanned. Luna fell silent before looking east and then towards our destination in the west.

“There’s only one thing I can’t figure out,” Luna began.

“Most of our enemies are to the east and south, but this attack came from the west. I’d assume it was the Enclave, as they’re in the northwest and are the most likely ones to have seen Arcane’s fuckup,” I reasoned.

“I’m sorry to intrude, but that’s impossible. The Enclave has withdrawn from the Allied Nations and stood down,” an India cut in.

“You saw this yourself?” I confirmed.

“I did, their emissary was nearly killed for delivering the news. S-She had a rogue on her side, it protected her from the minotaur guards and blew my cover,” the India replied.

“And I’m just hearing this because…” I trailed off, annoyed at my lack of information.

“You told me to shut up and play the drums,” the India shot back, making me groan. I had said that, “There was one other thing, the rogue smiled at me. It wasn’t a mean smile, more like a friendly one. Could there be different factions within their ranks?”

“It’s possible,” I allowed.

“This is good news, we have lost an enemy and gained a potential ally,” Luna declared as she mulled over what this might mean for us.

“You were pretty hostile towards that idea before,” I pointed out.

“I have no reason to believe this other rogue has tried to kill us,” Luna countered.

“Good point,” I conceded.

“It still leaves us with the question of who is doing the attacking,” Luna posed.

“We’ll find out when we get there,” I replied, sitting back to enjoy my cigarette while I could.

We didn’t find an army when we arrived in Brismane, not a live one anyway. The bodies of minotaurs and griffins lay scattered, intermixed with ponies wearing the same colors. This wasn’t an invasion, it was a knightly order doing battle with something powerful. Something like me.

“Abaddon, overwatch. Tzu, I want a perimeter in the air yesterday. Luna, inside. Where’s my fucking perimeter?” I barked as I jumped out of my chair.

“What’s going on?” Luna asked fearfully, not seeing the scene the same way I did.

“Get inside, there’s something here,” I ordered before turning back to the town to watch for movement and taking it on faith that Luna would do the smart thing and seek shelter.

“Perimeter set,” Tzu called from across the deck.

“Gimme sixty, I’m going in,” I replied as I took flight. I didn’t see any movement as I flew a lap around the town or when I came in for a landing, but I felt the eyes of scared civilians on me. A feeling I knew too well. I knelt next to one of the bodies to inspect the cause of the pony’s death, finding claw marks that were too shallow to be one of mine unless they were trying to hide their presence. The paw marks on the found supported my theory that this was something I hadn’t seen before, the rogues didn’t need to pretend to be a giant canine.

“Sir, we’ve made contact with a local,” One of the Gammas reported, presenting a familiar silver clad pegasus, who, judging by the marks on his green fur, had been in the thick of the fight.

“You’re with the militia, you accosted my guard,” I noted as I recognized the stallion.

"You. I'm real tempted to assume that this was one of your monsters. But, as I'm sure you've gathered, I saw what happened." The Pegasus spat, "Just remember, I'm only working with you because of my brother. And if you think any of your 'working for Equestria' horseshit will change my mind, I'll join Ashen in his damned crusade."

“I never asked you to work with me, I don’t give two fucks about Ashen’s pointless crusade, and the fact that you think he might actually get anywhere with it is adorable. How about you just tell me what happened and you can go back to protecting the survivors or whatever it is you do when you’re not letting a militant order of knights terrorize your town,” I replied. I knew no one else would get the distinction, but the difference between militant orders and scholarly ones was very important to those in said orders.

“Some thugs ponynapped my brother and then this big ass glowing wolf thing came out of nowhere and killed nearly all of them. The buckers ran off after a while, I’m glad I’m not with them. That wolf was pissed,” Steel explained, “Can I go now, asshole?”

“It was glowing? You’re sure?” I confirmed, ignoring his question.

“Yes, now can I go? These ponies are terrified, and rightly so I might add. They just watched their idyllic little town turn into a warzone,” Steel snapped.

“Yeah, I’ll handle it from here,” I responded absently, thinking about what could’ve done this and if I needed to hunt it down. I could sympathize with this unknown creature, my first encounters with ponies hadn’t been that civil either. Could I just let it go? That’s what I wanted back then, “Get Gamma twelve and Romeos eighty-six through ninety-two, they’re going to track this wolf down and make it clear that I only want to speak to it. It’s a confused, unfortunate soul until proven otherwise.”

“Yes sir,” the Gamma replied before hurrying off.

With nothing else in the town to investigate or do, I stopped in on the apparently abandoned coffee shop that had caught my attention during my last visit. To my dismay, most of the deliciously bitter product was scattered and crushed on the floor.

“Well, I can say I’ve had worse than floor coffee,” I reasoned before scooping up some of the grounds and cleaning them off, “Here’s hoping the grinders and at least one press will still work.”

“They do, just gotta twist the one on the left a bit,” a gruff voice replied from a chair off to my left, whoever was sitting there was turned away from me, blocking either of us from seeing who we were talking to. I could make a guess though.

“Thanks Ashen. You don’t mind me making floor coffee, do you?” I asked in an attempt at politeness.

“It’s ruined anyway, make what ya’ can out of it. Might as well take whatever else ya’ want, Ah’m ruined too,” the stallion answered sadly.

“I wouldn’t say that. A few boards, some paint, and a restocking are all this place needs to get back on its feet,” I encouraged as I set the grinder to fine and began turning the crank.

“Didja’ not notice the roof?” Ashen pointed out, drawing my attention to the completely ruined roof.

“Well, a few more boards and some shingles then. That’s just an afternoon of decent work,” I rebutted as I transferred the ground beans to the press and let them soak.

“Where’m Ah supposed ta’ get that kinda bits? A coffee bar in the ass end a nowhere doesn’t make that much,” Ashen argued, slamming his hoof into the chair angrily.

“I suppose I could be convinced to give you a stipend, even though I don’t usually give my victims payoffs,” I teased as I poured myself a mug, finally getting the bartender to turn and look at me.

“Ya’ serious? Ah’ hate ya’, ya’ dense monster, why in Tartarus would ya’ help me?” Ashen demanded.

“I like coffee and seeing this place fail because of a fight you had nothing to do with wouldn’t be right. That eyepatch looks good on you, by the way, really fits your whole persona. No offense, of course, just saying,” I replied.

“Buck. You. Ah’ don’t care if it fits mah ‘persona,’ Ah’ liked mah eye more!” Ashen spat.

“Do you want my money or not? Your feelings toward me versus your feelings toward this shop. I can leave and you’ll remain right in that chair with your ruined coffee and depression, or you can grit your teeth and accept enough money to rebuild as a token gesture of my desire to repay you for all that I’ve taken,” I stated, laying out the former mercenary’s options as clearly as possible.

“Why didn’t ya’ kill me before?” Ashen asked solemnly, surprising me.

“During our first meeting? When you wore that armor? It’s simple. I knew neither of us were evil, so I made an effort to keep it that way. You were blinded by the lies about my deeds, I understood that, I think you’ll hear a similar story from everyone else that ever came after me. I cut and broke and bruised, but I never killed and I never crippled enough that they wouldn’t be able to find another job. I hurt you for sure, and it prevented you from fighting ever again, but you were whole enough to move on with your life, that’s why I didn’t kill you,” I explained.

“Lies? Yer’ sayin’ that poster’s false?” Ashen pressed.

“I spend most of my time with Princess Luna, she counts me as one of her few friends. Do village burning monsters get to claim that?” I countered.

“Bull,” Ashen snapped.

“Fine, I’ll prove it,” I replied before walking outside through the massive hole in the wall, “Could you have Lu teleport down here? Promise her coffee, that’ll get her moving.”

The Gamma I had addressed nodded before zipping off, leaving me to walk back inside and sit against the wall to wait.

“Ah don’t see a princess,” Ashen pointed out impatiently.

“Give it about two more seconds,” I urged right before a popping sound announced a new arrival, “Called it.”

“What’s this? This coffee has been ruined. I’m too late to save you, dear beans, I pray you can forgive me,” Luna lamented as she saw the state of the bar.

“Ashen here owns the place, we were just discussing a business partnership where I pay for the repairs in exchange for free coffee,” I prompted, causing Luna to teleport in front of Ashen and give him a hard stare.

“I do enjoy a coffee in the morning,” Luna warned in the guise of musing.

Ashen reached out and poked Luna in the nose to confirm she was real, making her snort at the unexpected contact, “Mah word, it’s an honor ta meet ya princess.”

“Please, it’s just Luna. Now tell me, what’s wrong with this deal?” Luna pressed.

“Ah can’t accept bits from this monster, Ah’ve spent too long hatin’ ‘im,” Ashen explained.

“I see, and if I gave you the bits?” Luna leveraged.

“Ah’d be almost honorbound to accept them,” Ashen replied.

“Excellent. Jay, have the bits transferred from my account,” Luna instructed despite not having an account.

“Sure, no problem. Should I take them from your personal or the joint account though?” I snickered, amused by the confused expression on what remained of Ashen’s face.

“I assume you’d like some of that coffee too, better use the joint account so both of our names are on the deal,” Luna advised.

“Good idea, I’ll have them sent over right away,” I agreed.

“Am Ah missin’ somethin’ or are y’all talkin’ like ya got married?” Ashen asked once he found his voice.

“You’re missing quite a bit. Let’s leave it at that and not spread rumors, m’kay?” I warned, hinting enough to throw my former enemy for a loop but vague enough to keep him quiet.

“This was fun, but I was promised coffee,” Luna pointed out.

“Sure sure, let me clean off some more. We should get moving soon though, no telling what insanity is going on back home without us,” I responded as I grabbed another handful of spilled beans.

After we got some coffee and settled the arrangement, Luna and I returned to Abaddon to set up the bits and labor for Ashen’s shop.

“A simple building repair shouldn’t be too difficult, I can have it done within an hour or two of receiving the materials,” Tzu responded.

“I’ll need you here, just have them follow Ashen’s instructions for how it should look,” I countered.

“Yes sir, the squad leaders can manage on their own,” Tzu reasoned, though he looked disappointed.

“So now we wait for materials?” Luna confirmed.

“Yep, or we could have Abaddon walk over and collect them ourselves,” I offered.

“How long would we be away? I don’t like the idea of leaving this town defenseless,” Luna asked.

“Considering we’ll have to find the right type of trees and stain them to match the existing woodwork, plus grinding the rocks and making traditional glue for the shingles...a day. The materials are easy to find, but there are processed compounds involved that we can’t replicate without having to fall back on the normal methods,” I responded, grimacing at the estimate.

“How long would it take to get the materials the normal way?” Luna continued.

“Anywhere between one and five days,” Tzu replied.

“I’m in favor of getting them myself,” I stated

“It’s tempting, but I’m not comfortable with leaving them alone and they’re far from willing to come aboard. Perhaps some time to think about this would help, it’s been almost a week and I’d like to see how Danny is doing with my armor,” Luna decided, turning to look at me expectantly.

“Some day I’ll teach you how to do this yourself, then you can go to hell whenever you want,” I griped jokingly as I cut open a portal and led us through. I stopped when I nearly tripped over something organic, “Who the fuck are you and why are you bowing?”

“Lord Harry selected us your Majesties, we hope we serve you better than your previous maids,” the center succubus answered.

“Alright, that makes sense considering I kicked out the last bunch for siding with an incubus. Don’t attack me or mine and don’t bow, I don’t believe in making anyone kneel or bow to me,” I instructed.

“We understand and will obey, would you like fresh sheets for tonight?” another asked politely.

“I don’t believe we will be staying that long, but the dust that was in that bed before made it difficult to breathe. Please do,” Luna replied.

“Of course my queen, would you like anything else?” yet another asked as the last one ran off to fetch clean sheets.

“One of you go get the armorer, the rest stay here and answer Luna’s questions,” I ordered as I walked around them to get to the liquor cabinet I had inherited from Belial. It was stocked with semi-fresh booze though, not even I could stomach the rotgut the previous king had tortured himself with.

“The last group had some fairly strong opinions about Catrix and I, saying that she was a cheater and that I was too weak to be queen, how do you feel about us? Please be honest, I promise it will not affect your jobs,” Luna asked.

The maids looked at each other for a moment before one stepped forward, “We’ve heard you are kind, this isn’t seen as a favorable trait here but many of us knew Cat and Shay before they escaped. They were kind as well, we have never forgotten them or how they took greater punishments to spare us what pain they could. King Jekyll freed us all, doing us the ultimate kindness. We are honored to be chosen to serve you both, that we may work our fingers to the bone repaying that kindness.”

“I’m happy to hear that, but you don’t need to hurt yourself. What’s your name?” Luna continued.

“My name is long and often shortened, most call me Maya,” the leader introduced.

“I’m usually called Gretya,” another added.

“And I’m Mop, because of my shaggy hair,” a third greeted happily.

“This one is known as Third, she does not know why,” another, evidently named Third, responded in an droning, monotone voice.

“Don’t mind Third, she’s had it worse than most. Her master liked her eyes a little too much,” Maya apologized.

“It’s fine, and please just call me Luna when possible. I know it’ll get you in trouble when others are involved, but whenever it’s just us my title isn’t necessary,” Luna requested.

“Can we do that?” Maya asked the others quietly.

“I don’t see why not, I’m tired of the ‘lord’ this and ‘master’ that anyway,” Mop replied, apparently settling the quick discussion.

“I’m glad you agree, the last group attacked me for making that request. Fang had to teach them some manners,” Luna responded happily.

“Your majesties? I’ve returned with Jragden,” one of the unnamed maids that had left announced.

“Excellent, bring him in and feel free to join Luna and the others in their little meet and greet,” I instructed, rather content where I was. I had a stiff drink and an uncaring expression, everything a demon king needs to seem generous.

“Mistress Luna, you’ve returned!” Jragden exclaimed as he was led in, “I was just finishing the last rune, your armor will be ready to wear as soon as the resin cools.”

“It’s only been a few days, I was just here to see how it was coming along,” Luna commented, awestruck by the speed at which this demon worked.

“It helped that I already had a set that was close to your dimensions, I simply needed to reshape the frame and adjust a few of the supporting plates to bring it to form. I think you’ll love it, it’s pure abyssanite backed by the softest skampskin I’ve tanned to date,” Jragden promised.

“Abyssanite? I’m calling horseshit; that’d be far too heavy for me to carry, let alone Luna,” I rebutted.

“A few levitation runes go a long way, otherwise you be absolutely correct. I doubt even Belial would be able to budge an unruned set,” Jragden replied with no loss of enthusiasm.

“What is this material? I’ve never heard of it,” Luna asked.

“That makes sense, only the most powerful greaters can arrange for armor to be crafted from it,” Jragden mused, though I cut him off before he could give a proper explanation.

“It’s the most annoying metal you’ll ever encounter. Heavy as sin and it imposes standard physics on anyone that tries to use magic on it. In short: it’s muscle only, try to use magic to lift it and you’ll find your jaw slamming into the floor. Impervious to almost everything but the hottest forges in the deepest pits. It never breaks. never rusts, and never shows signs of wear. It doesn’t behave like a metal and it’s nearly impossible to work with, I find it annoying as hell,” I explained.

“What’s with the attitude?” Luna wondered as she eyed me.

“The palace is made of abyssanite, I seem to recall his highness attempting to break through the wall in an attempt to launch a surprise attack on Belial. These walls have never been damaged and they never shall,” Jragden clarified, smiling at my grunt of confirmation.

“An unbreakable suit of armor….May I see it?” Luna requested.

“Absolutely, I’ll bring it right up,” Jragden replied before running off.

“Are the rumors true then? Are you really as kind as the whispers say?” the new maid asked before dropping and spouting apologies.

“It’s alright, please introduce yourself,” Luna responded as she walked over and offered the succubus a hoof. Her expression shifted from compassion to bemusement when the prone maid pulled out a rag and began polishing her hoof.

“Timid, you can stop. Luna is offering to help you up,” Maya cut in, stopping the maid’s actions and causing her to look up in surprise.

“I-I never thought, I didn’t...I’m so sorry my queen, I thought you desired your hoof cleaned,” Timid apologized, earning her name.

“Fear not, I’m not a cruel being. I take it your name is Timid then? My name is Luna, feel free to forgo the titles and such whenever possible,” Luna replied, helping the maid to her feet.

“Timid Toy, ma’am. I’m honored to meet you your majesty,” Timid greeted formally.

“Timid Toy? That sounds like a pony name, although it is a quite disturbing one,” Luna commented.

“A pony master named me that, I don’t remember my original name anymore. I liked him though, he didn’t beat me as much or nearly as hard,” Timid explained.

“I have no intention of harming you and neither does your king,” Luna promised.

“I’ll wreck your shit if you betray our trust though, I didn’t care for how the last group sided with an incubus,” I warned.

“Oh, I’d never do that. Just the thought of one of them touching me again makes my skin crawl,” Timid responded as she tried to hide under the neckline of her dress in a way that reminded me of a certain pegasus. I decided then that I liked this one, possibly enough to let her meet the pony version of herself.

“What about the one that ran off to get the sheets, what’s her name?” Luna asked.

“Don’t ask, her master didn’t believe in letting her keep it and now she just cries and begs for mercy when you ask her what it was. Maid should do well enough, she’s used to answering to that,” Mop advised.

“I take it you knew her before the regime change,” Luna guessed.

“My name wasn’t always Mop,” Mop replied.

“I’m sorry to hear that, but you have my word that you and your kin will never be treated like that again so long as Jay and I are in power,” Luna promised.

“You don’t have to keep Mop either, you can go back to your original name if you want,” I added.

“I’ve gotten used to it, I don’t think I’d recognize my other name anymore,” Mop replied.

“Makes me glad I had a master that preferred physical stuff,” Maya commented, idly rubbing at her neck where the flesh was still compressed from having a collar around it for so long. There were some things that never quite healed, even when you can regenerate.

“Are you joking? I didn’t have to suffer through half of what that monster did to you, I don’t know if I could’ve handled that much pain,” Mop argued.

“Different pains, neither less than the other. You each think the other had it worse because you’re accustomed to what you endured, you should comfort one another instead of trying to pity each other,” I advised, halting their argument.

“Yes, your majesty,” they both obediently responded.

“That wasn’t an order, Jay’s trying to help you. I’d know, I get bits of advice like this almost every day,” Luna clarified, making the maids relax a bit more.

“While we’re waiting for Maid and Danny to get back, we might as well have some drinks and relax,” I suggested.

“I can agree with that, especially now that I’m more used to that brown swill you drink,” Luna agreed teasingly, “Maya, would you mind getting each of us a glass?”

Maya all but sprinted to the liquor cabinet and returned with a single glass and a philter of some of my more expensive rum, “I’m sorry milady, we don’t have any ice.”

“That’s fine, but you’re short six glasses. Consider this your promotion party, you’ve been selected for one of the best jobs in Tartarus and never have to feel pain again. I’d say that’s cause to partake,” Luna chided gently, “And we have nothing but time, there’s no need to wait on us wing and hoof.”

“Eight immortals in one room and one of them is sprinting around, it is kinda funny,” I agreed.

“Of course my queen,” Maya replied before returning to the cabinet to collect more cups and a second bottle.

“If any of you ever need help, I’m not what I would call a stranger to cleaning floors and dusting sconces,” Luna offered as Maya handed each of her coworkers a glass and set the bottles down for them to fill their glasses from. Each of them just stood there in shock as Luna poured her drink before any of them could do it for her.

“Your parents sucked,” I noted once more.

“What are we supposed to do?” I heard Timid whisper.

“Fill your cups and relax, forget about who’s running what country for a few minutes,” I replied, nearly scaring the succubus out of her skin.

“I’ve never had alcohol, none of us have,” Gretya commented as she stepped up and hesitantly poured the amber liquid into her glass.

“It burns a little, but that fades quickly enough and just leaves you feeling warm. Drink enough and it makes you silly,” Luna explained, prompting Gretya to take a shaky sip. Luna smiled warmly as Gretya took a second, longer, sip from her drink and nodded.

“I’m not being beaten and there’s nothing holding me down yet, I’d say it’s safe girls,” Gretya allowed, causing the others to more comfortably fill their own cups and finally loosen up.

“Thanks Gretya,” Maya said gratefully as she took her turn.

“You took the chance last time, it was my turn,” Gretya responded with a shrug.

“Your turn? Did you step forward to see if we were telling the truth? To see if this was a trap in order to justify hurting all of you?” Luna asked pointedly, clearly offended.

“Lu, simmer down. This is their way, they’re too used to protecting each other to stop just because we aren’t an imminent threat,” I cautioned, easily reading the succubi.

“I’m sorry, and I’m sorry the world as made you feel it necessary to offer one of your own like this,” Luna apologized.

“I’m not, it’s a show of caring for one another to take pain that was meant for them. We’ve all taken our turns testing the forge, seeing if what we were allowed was real. I’m not ashamed of caring for my sisters,” Gretya rebutted, showing much more determination.

“Luna, a word?” I requested before bending down and pulling Luna in to speak to her more privately, “This one is feeling selfish for not getting punished, she’s going to continue pushing you until you hit her. Let her find your boundary, it’ll let the rest know what kind of...employer you’ll be.”

“I’m supposed to hit her now? I just gave them my word that I wouldn’t do that,” Luna countered.

“A verbal warning then, if she doesn’t take the hint I’ll give her a nice bruise. It’ll be nothing for her but it’ll get the point across,” I compromised.

“Alright, but I still don’t like it,” Luna conceded, lifting her head to address the others again.

“So my queen, how did you become the ruler of this fine realm?” Maya asked, evidently competing with Gretya.

“Too much of that liquid,” Luna answered.

“Ha! If there’s a better reason to drink, I haven’t heard it,” Gretya laughed, “Perhaps we’ll all be queens by morning.”

“Doubtful, I’m not getting drunk this time,” I responded.

“We could still be promoted to royal concubine, that’d be a treat,” Maya pressed.

“Neither of us use the one we have, why would we get more?” Luna countered, keeping her tone good humored.

“Then I didn’t hear you getting lessons the other night?” I asked slyly, much to the amusement of everyone but Luna.

“I had an honest question, it’s not my fault she went into six hours worth of details. I thought you were asleep anyway,” Luna rebutted, her face reddening.

“I didn’t figure out how to make myself sleep until yesterday, I heard everything,” I teased.

“W-well, m-my point still stands. Cat barely does her job, why would we need more?” Luna repeated shakily, trying to dodge the topic.

“For starters, a team will always have more teaching ability than an individual,” Maya began, snickering quietly at Luna’s distress.

“I DON’T NEED LESSONS!” Luna shouted, quickly covering her mouth and calming herself before clarifying, “I don’t need lessons, I just had a question about how and why Cat dislocated her legs. She didn’t try to teach me how to do it, it was just a comparison of her physiology compared to what I know of pony anatomy.”

“And she didn’t teach you? I had a pony master a few centuries ago that could do that,” Timid replied quietly, stunning Luna and I.

“No shit?” I confirmed.

“It was very painful for her and she needed help to set them again afterwards, but yes,” Timid insisted meekly.

“Luna, what’re you doing?” I asked when I caught a glimpse of the strained look on Luna’s face.

“Trying to pop my hip out of its socket,” Luna replied through gritted teeth.

“Why?” I continued.

“To see if I can.”

“Again, why?”

“Because...that’s a good question, I guess because Cat was flaunting it and I felt jealous that she could do something I couldn’t,” Luna reasoned, turning sheepish.

“There’s a lot she can do that you can’t, but she can’t raise the sun or moon. She can’t move things with her mind or cast spells or even fly. You’re different people, why try to be the same?” I countered.

“Insecurity perhaps,” Gretya guessed, “The queen may be worried about her servant wooing her mate and stealing him for herself. A fair concern, ponies will never compare to succubi on that front.”

“That’s far enough Gretya, you can stop testing my boundaries,” Luna warned, her eyes flashing dangerously.

“I know I’ll be trying, I’ve had so many more masters than Catrix that I could snare him with nothing more than a strut. I’m that good. What do you say my king, care for a taste?” Gretya foolishly continued, even beginning to undo her uniform.

“Jay, you can enforce my standards now,” Luna allowed.

“Oh, wha-” Gretya managed before a tendril wrapped around her neck and pulled her face first into my fist, releasing her just in time to let her bounce off and land in a heap, “Too far, got it.”

“You really are a tolerating sort Luna, I would’ve done much more if she had been my underling,” Maya praised.

“I promised not to hurt you, I wouldn’t have done anything if your customs didn’t demand it,” Luna replied angrily, still bitter over Gretya’s comments.

“My apologies, I didn’t mean any of it,” Gretya apologized as she picked herself up and gingerly inspected the bump already forming on her forehead.

“Don’t threaten me like that again or I will have you tossed back onto the street. Remember this well, Fang listens to me and didn’t hesitate to discipline the last group to threaten me,” Luna seethed.

“Hey, drink this and calm down,” I instructed as I put Luna’s forgotten drink to her lips and tipped it towards her, “Gretya, go dust the throne room. It’d be best if you went unseen for a few days.”

“At once, my lord,” Gretya replied automatically before she hurried out of the room.

“Um, did I miss something important?” Jragden asked as he peeked his head through the now open door.

“We’re drinking and starting fights, come on in,” Luna groused.

“Oh good, setting limits and the like. I was worried things had escalated,” Jragden replied as he pulled a large chest into the room and over to where we were standing, “Did you still want to try on the armor?”

“Yes, actually, thank you. I think this is just what I’ll need to raise my spirits. Hold on, why didn’t the last group of maids test me like this?” Luna asked, catching the difference in attitudes.

“You threw Fang at them, that told them all they needed to hear. As far as none of them volunteering to spare the others, they were a more self centered bunch. This set is from the ‘common rabble’ for lack of a better term, but the first ones were taken from several greaters as tribute,” I explained.

“I see, so these succubi have known each other for much longer and share a bond the others didn’t. I’m glad they could stay together then,” Luna replied, nodding, “Alright, let’s see this armor.”

“The first part is designed to be worn constantly, it can be worn while bathing and cleaned with normal soaps, it breathes quite well and even allows water to pass through it without getting trapped, and it won’t develop a smell like so many other armors,” Jragden began as he removed a partial bodysuit and several plates from the box.

“It won’t restrict my movement?” Luna challenged even as she helped the armorer get the leather up her legs and over her barrel.

“You see these runes here on the inside, they’re called Secondskin. The effect they produce causes the leather to bend and stretch just like the skin below it, nearly all who use it forget the armor is on at all and never take it off,” Jragden bragged as he briefly showed off his work before attaching the different seams on Luna’s back.

“I still feel it pressing into my fur,” Luna noted.

“Yes, there’s no getting around that until you sleep in it. Once you do it’ll temporarily fuse to you and become a thick layer of skin protecting your real body, it’ll even cause your fur to grow through it. The process is instantly reversed as soon as the binding seams along your spine are broken, so if you decide to take it off for any reason you can do so without any pain or discomfort,” Jragden continued, quelling Luna’s objections before they could arise.

“You put this much work into the underlay?” I confirmed.

“It’s standard for me at this point, I always strive for happy customers,” Jragden replied, “Next is the chestpiece and shoulders, designed to look regal up close and somewhat menacing at range.”

“Is that my old armor inlaid in the engravings?” Luna asked.

“You have a keen eye, your highness. Yes, I used that fine material to reinforce all of my carvings. However the runes on the inside are filled with a special resin and backed with clay from the royal forge to ensure nothing can damage them even when stored. This piece has Thermolock, Everfeather, and Freeflow just under this one patch,” Jragden explained, pointing out each of the hidden runes as he listed them, “And this set here in the corners causes it to link up with the bodysuit and shoulders for complete coverage.”

“So while I’m wearing the chest piece and bodysuit I’ll be immune to many extremes already, fascinating. How did you get them to work in combination like this?” Luna wondered as the sharp looking shoulder pieces were fitted to the snug underlay.

“It’s all one rune, with many twists and embellishments to make the different magics flow in unison. It’s an art more than science at this point,” Jragden boasted, showing his ego more and more now that he was in his element, “These add durability, though that was mostly to bridge the gap and allow me to continue adding more runes, and a boost to the strength of the underlay. You’ll find no normal blade piercing that leather so long as the shoulders remain attached.”

“I assume you have something for my sides next?” Luna guessed as Jragden returned to the chest for the next segment. I too found myself curious about what he would attach next.

“Not quite, this part is more of a bridge for the rest to connect to. It will multiply the flexibility of your joints by several times though, as I’ve found that the best strategy is to avoid getting hit in the first place,” Jragden replied jovially as he laid a layered, almost serpentine, band of preconnected plates along Luna’s spine and attached them to the rest, “This next part was tricky for me, as you are the first client I’ve had that required an outlet for bodily functions. So I’ve added a removable….I suppose codpiece would fit, to allow you to carry on with daily life. The flank armor comes with Fiercemight, Reactall, and Reward, that last one isn’t for battle though.”

“Reward? I’ve never read about that one, what does it do?” Luna asked.

“It was made for a certain succubus that didn’t like to fit the usual pattern, it adds to, shall we say, private interpersonal connections,” Jragden hinted, “I decided to include it as an incentive to wear the base layers all the time.”

“We’ll be testing this tonight,” Luna stated, leaving no room for argument. I shrugged and accepted my fate.

“What’s left?” I asked, looking Luna over for any weak spots and finding seven.

“Boots with three Tracticatas runes apiece. These are the oldest runes in my library and should allow you to walk on any surface at any angle short of vertical. The sides, wings, and helmet are much larger and more heavily runed, but are not made for everyday wear. The side segments alone cover from the neck to the tail and cover the shoulder plates completely.”

“You call those boots?” I challenged when I saw the next set of armor the demon produced. They looked long enough to entirely cover Luna’s legs in an, admittedly eye catching, array of glimmering scales that reached the flat base and sharp trailing talon.

“Perhaps leggings would fit better, you’re right,” Jragden conceded as he opened the first piece of armor and slid it around Luna’s foreleg.

“I feel tough,” Luna commented as she eyed the wicked talon jutting from the back of her hoof.

“You are tough, especially while wearing all of this,” Jragden complimented.

Luna waited for him to finish armoring her legs before asking what would come next.

“The rest is made to attach by itself when levitated into position, and it’ll only come off when pulled by the same magical signature that attached it. You can test it for yourself if you’d like, but I’m not actually capable of fitting it to you,” Jragden explained apologetically.

“Interesting,” I commented as Luna levitated the heavy armor upgrades out of the chest and inspected them before attaching them to her body one by one. When she was finished she looked like a knight from an old tale, covered in glittering silver plates and a mix of gold, red, and black engravings. All in all, she looked like a warrior. But there was one glaring weakness I could still see, “What about the wings?”

“A little surprise I wanted to keep for the perfect reveal,” Jragden began as he strode over to the curtain and removed two final segments, “These have Fleetwing engraved on every scale along with a double dose of Secondskin, they can also be left on your wings if you choose.”

“It’s perfect, thank you Danny,” Luna praised as she removed and took another look at her somewhat draconian helmet. It had four extra horns sprouting from it, two pointing forward above her eye slits and two running back along her neck. They appeared to be designed to add extra protection to those areas, keeping her from being blinded or decapitated. I also noticed the lower jaw of the helmet moving when she tested it, retaining her ability to speak without compromising coverage. Those familiar fangs would give her a mean bite too; I’d know, they were my fangs.

“You are welcome my most generous queen, if you’d ever like an adjustment made or another set made for any reason you have but to ask and I will work tirelessly to make you the best armor you have ever seen. That is my promise,” Jragden vowed.

“Jay, how do I look?” Luna asked excitedly, scratching the floor as she bounced in anticipation.

“Fierce comes to mind, like a knight of old out to slay some evil,” I answered honestly.

“And now?” Luna pressed as all of her heavy armor floated away, leaving the lighter sections. I paused as I evaluated her appearance, specifically the small gaps near her wing joints.

“Surprisingly sexy, that bodysuit hugs your curves in a very complimenting way, but the gaps worry me, I don’t trust blades to miss them,” I evaluated, trailing a finger along a patch of exposed skin next to the base of her wing.

“The light section isn’t meant for real combat, it’s so you survive long enough to get to the main armor,” Jragden insisted.

“I don’t see a way to close them, so I guess they’ll have to stay. I’ll be mindful of that weakness if I have to fight again,” Luna promised.

“Keep in mind that armor doesn’t make you invincible, it can always be breached or bypassed entirely,” I warned, instantly thinking of a perfect example to prove my point, “I’ll show you, put on the rest of it.”

“Alright,” Luna agreed hesitantly, redonning her heavy segments and looking at me through the slits in her helmet. That would be her downfall in this scenario, as her features slumped the instant her blue eyes met my black ones.

“You are still just as vulnerable to mind control as before, you’d be the pet of the first incubus you faced and there’s nothing you could do about it. You are released from my service,” I informed her before giving back control of her body.

“I asked you not to do that again, now I feel dirty,” Luna complained.

“You’d feel worse if an incubus did that, mostly because you’d either be dying or already dead,” I chided, thumping the side of her helmet to make my point.

“I think I understand what you were going for, I’ll remember not to rely on metal and leather to survive. Skill and training are much more reliable and likely to win the day,” Luna deduced.

“Your mind is the best weapon you have, but you can trust your steel. Use both to the fullest, don’t neglect either,” I advised, getting a thoughtful nod.

“I suppose you’ve seen enough to know better than anyone even though you don’t wear armor,” Luna reasoned.

“Yes I do, I always wear armor when going into battle,” I rebutted.

“You weren’t wearing any when we fought the spiders,” Luna pointed out.

“No time to fetch it and I didn’t plan on fighting, that whole clusterfuck came out of nowhere,” I explained.

“It really did. Say, is your armor here?” Luna asked.

“You want to see it, don’t you?” I replied, getting a nod, “It’s the red case Danny, don’t worry about opening it.”

“The red case? I didn’t see a red one,” Jragden responded apologetically.

“It’s not one of yours, it’s in the official armory,” I clarified.

“Of course, my mistake, I’ll return with it at once my lord,” Jragden replied as he rushed back out.

“How’s the kit feel?” I asked once the demonic smith was out of earshot.

“Like it isn’t there at all, Danny really knows his trade,” Luna praised as she removed the heavy armor again and set it aside, stretching out in her leather suit to test its limits.

“Looks like full range of motion, but that’s not what I’m talking about. Does it feel right? Sometimes, most of the time, your first revision has an edge that rubs uncomfortably or collides with another when you move. Other times it just doesn’t fit your style, it’s okay to say that you don’t like the style,” I pressed.

“I do like the style, it’s everything I asked for and I think it compliments me very well. Nothing’s clanging like my old armor did and the leather keeps it from scraping against me. I really like it Jay,” Luna insisted.

“Alright, but let me know if anything catches your attention once the new armor smell wears off. I hear Danny coming back, try not to judge my gear alright,” I requested.

“Are you implying that I won’t like the way it looks?” Luna asked suspiciously.

“You’ll see,” I warned cryptically as Jragden returned with a large red case on his back. There were no visible latches or locks on the case, only a smooth crimson surface with a single slash across the center that marked it as mine.

“Can I hire servants to move these for me? They’re starting to get heavy,” Jragden requested breathlessly.

“Sure,” I allowed as I approached the case and stood it up on its edge before flowing through a small hole in the side and directly into the hidden gear. From there, I only had to reach out and work the interior latch for the lid to open. Luna held a hoof to her mouth as I stepped into the light.

“Capes are dumb,” Jragden critiqued.

“A hammer? I thought you were more of a sword person,” Maya noted.

“I am basically made of swords, why would I carry one?” I countered.

“Twins!” Luna cheered, finally finding her voice. My armor was indeed the same colors as Luna’s, but it was of significantly lower quality than hers. My engravings were plated instead of inlaid and the metal was basic steel instead of her impossibly strong abyssanite, other than that there were several more differences in the basic structure. My armor was built to take a beating, it covered me from my neck to my fingertips and toes in layers of leather and plate steel.

“Danny, how would you feel about replicating an existing set with your expertise and embellishments? Lu’s got me feeling like a hobo in this garbage,” I asked.

“Copying another’s work is frowned upon, perhaps I could use it as inspiration for a unique set of my design?” Jragden proposed.

“That’s even better, just remember to keep the openings in the underlay and plates so I can shift. I kinda like the cape too, even if it is a detriment,” I agreed.

“It’s stunning, how can you call that garbage?” Luna pressed.

“Because you could kick the entire chest in without any strength boosts. This is unruned steel, it bends and breaks like everyone else’s,” I replied.

“And that’s what you’ve been wearing into battle? How have you kept it so clean?” Luna wondered, noting the single scratch across the breastplate.

“I try not to get hit,” I explained.

“Your majesty, I’ve finished my initial sketch,” Jragden prompted.

“Dude, don’t you take breaks?” I asked in amusement as I looked over at the wrinkled and smudged napkin that he was drawing on.

“No,” Jragden replied. I chuckled and bent over him to see what he envisioned, quickly losing my humor.

“You intend to have me killed,” I accused. This wasn’t armor, it was a sleeveless robe with a chestplate and boots.

“My apologies your majesty, but as I understand it your main strategy involves being faster than your opponent. Covering you in large segments would only hinder you in that regard, but a minimalistic approach would let you move freely while still protecting the highest concentrations of your...stuff,” Jragden insisted defensively.

“You designed this for appearances then,” I noted, nodding as I found Jragden’s logic sound, “Add gauntlets and a belt, then I’ll give it a chance.”

“Gauntlets are always an enjoyable challenge, any runes you’d like on them?” Jragden continued.

“Cut the enhancements to strength and reflexes, you can replace them with offensive stuff. Fire, electricity, stuff like that. I’ll trust you to pick the most effective ones,” I responded thoughtfully.

“I’ve found that electrical runes work the best. Put a positive charge on one and negative on the other, I call it thunderclap. You’d get some useful side applications as well, like scaring everyone around you whenever you brought your hands together or starting a campfire by simply grabbing a log,” Jragden suggested.

“Up to you, like I said,” I repeated, leaving him to fret over my noncommittal answer and devise an even better setup. While Jragden worked himself up, I returned to Luna’s side.

“You ready to head home?” I asked.

“Whenever you are. Aren’t you going to leave that here?” Luna replied, gesturing at the steel covering almost all of my body.

“Nah, it can come with. I’m getting a new set anyway so I’m not too worried about this one,” I reasoned as I turned towards the open portal and saw a hint of purple disappear behind a nearby chair, “Don’t let me forget to seal the portal behind us, word is there’s another revolt expected later today.”

“When did you hear that?” Luna asked in confusion.

“Harry left a note on the table, I’ve got a habit of consuming them right after I read them so none of the maids can plot with the ringleaders,” I lied. The bit about the maids was true, but there wasn’t a note this time.

“Liar, what’s really going on?” Luna snapped, stopping to glare at me.

“Scoots is hiding behind that chair and I was trying to get her to go back without making a big deal out of it,” I confessed, hearing an eep of alarm from the chair in question.

“Yes, I see her scent trail now. Come on out Scootaloo, we’re not angry,” Luna urged.

“Okay, but you promise you’re not mad?” Scootaloo confirmed as she revealed herself.

“Not at all, but I am curious about why you came here,” Luna replied.

“I saw this portal thing and wanted to know what it was, so I got closer and saw a bunch of Catrixs. She’s nice so I was coming in to say hello but then you turned towards me and I panicked,” Scootaloo admitted, making me raise a freshly grown eyebrow.

“Are you still living on Abaddon?” I asked, kneeling to better address the filly.

“He said I could stay as long as he didn’t have to go anywhere, but then I got stuck here when he did move. I don’t know this town but it’s scary looking with all the dead ponies, I just wanna go home,” Scootaloo whined, actually showing her age.

“Don’t worry ’bout a thing, we’re done in this town and will be going back right away,” I promised.

“Please don’t kick me out, I like it here and it’s closer to Rainbow Dash’s house,” Scootaloo pleaded, prompting me to stand back up in offense.

“Lu, I have a question and I need you to answer me honestly. Do I exude some aura of being a coldblooded prick?” I asked, “Seriously, why else would everyone always assume I’m going to screw them over?”

“A bit, yes. You act as though you’re removed from their struggles and don’t sympathize. Admittedly, I still question your motivations and intentions,” Luna revealed, her words cutting deep.

“I’ll just have to change that then, be more transparent. In the meantime, just ask when you have those questions and I’ll do my best to answer,” I promised, “Scoots, you can stay until you find a more permanent place to live.”

I turned to see Scootaloo’s reaction, but found an empty space where the filly had been.

“Hi, I’m Scootaloo,” Scootaloo greeted from behind us, evidently having gotten distracted by the maids.

“Young Scootaloo, it’s impolite to walk away from a conversation,” Luna admonished, though her criticism fell on deaf ears now that the filly had a number of succubi fawning over how adorable she was.

“Don’t leave the palace or you’ll die,” I warned, content with leaving Scootaloo here while we traveled back to Ponyville.

“Jay, you can’t leave her here,” Luna declared as she held me from walking through the portal, “They might do things to her, inappropriate things.”

“She’s a guest, she’d have to give them permission,” I replied.

“As if she would know better,” Luna countered.

“Maya, the rest of you, no touching behind the hip or anywhere your species is known for,” I ordered.

“By your command, your majesty,” Maya replied, bowing again and getting a tap from one of the others to remind her not to.

“Good to go?” I confirmed.

“Yes, I think that will do,” Luna agreed before following me back to the surface world.

“Abaddon, any news concerning the thing that did this?” I asked without stopping.

“Nothing solid, but we have found tracks leading to the west. Three squads are following them and should be sending word if they locate the creature,” Abaddon replied.

“Good, keep me posted,” I instructed as I came to a stop on the edge overlooking the ruined town.

“Will they even accept our help rebuilding their town?” Luna wondered.

“It doesn’t matter, I’m not offering,” I responded, “Did you make a decision about how to deal with Ashen and the Black Bow?”

“No,” Luna confessed.

“Then I will. I’m tired of looking at this pile of broken wood and sadness, I’ve seen too many already. Leave the scouts and the squads for Ashen, but the rest of us are going home,” I ordered, directing my instructions towards Tzu and Abaddon.

“The right thing to do would be to leave more enforcers here to help the rest of them rebuild as well,” Luna insisted.

“There’s one pony in that entire town I somewhat like, he can come with us if he wants. The rest haven’t earned my help, nor do they want it. They just want me to go away so they can go back to their boring little lives and live in peace. I’m happy to give them that,” I countered.

“What if they ask for help?” Luna proposed.

“Then they’d owe me a favor for fixing their backwater little town, but don’t hold your breath,” I replied.

“I’ll be right back,” Luna promised before teleporting away with a pop.

I reappeared outside of the destroyed coffee shop and immediately set about looking for somepony in charge. Instead I found the coffee shop’s owner, Jay had called him Ashen, slumped against the side of the building.

“Ashen? Are you well?” I asked in concern as I leaned down to check on the stallion.

“Noooooope, sold muh soul and got nuthin’ ta show fer it. Courier jus’ came through, town’s dead. No more traders comin’ this way, no traders no coffee, no coffee no shop. The Black Bow is finished an’ so am I, jus’ leave me ‘ere ta die,” Ashen quietly sobbed, brandishing a letter as though it were the most dangerous weapon he’d ever seen.

“Ashen, where’s everypony else? I can fix this if the townsponies help me,” I urged.

“Gone, dead, both. It’s over. Steel’ll stay till Arcane shows, then they’ll go too,” Ashen predicted somberly.

“I’m sure this was a wonderful place, but if that’s true then there’s no saving it anymore. If ponies would come together and seek help from each other, then we could’ve saved Brismane,” I lamented, sitting against the wall next to Ashen as I let myself be taken by depression.

No, not yet, there was one pony I could help.

“Ashen, Jekyll said there was one pony in this town he liked. He said that pony could live aboard our leviathan until he was back on his hooves. He didn’t say who, but I’m fairly sure he was talking about you,” I confided, betting my emotional state on his reaction.

“Fer’ the irony, Ah’m tempted... Beh, screw it, Ah’ll come ‘long fer now,” Ashen agreed after mulling the idea over for a short while, “Heh, mebe Ah’ll find somethin’ there that’ll help me kill the bastard.”

“It’s called the cure and he doesn’t keep it there, I’ve never even seen the stuff myself,” I replied.

“Damn. What’s wit’ the armor anyway? Ya weren’t wearing that before,” Ashen asked, though now he just seemed to be stalling.

“I commissioned it a while back, and it was just finished a few minutes ago…..I don’t think I can get it off, not by myself anyway,” I revealed, keeping my voice casual but not emotional. I wasn’t upset about letting the unlucky stallion grieve for his dead shop a little longer. He could take as long as he needed, I could wait.

“Ya got somethin’ stronger than coffee on that thing?” Ashen asked as he finally stood.

“If you mean alcohol, we have plenty,” I answered.

“No point moping around here, ya got a chariot or somethin’ comin’?” Ashen wondered before looking at me just in time to see my horn flash.

“Nope, we take the faster route. The one with the big head is Tzu, he can get you set up with a room and teach you how to get what you need,” I instructed as a familiar figure approached.

“Sup,” I greeted as I looked over the former mercenary standing dumbly next to Luna.

“You were talking about Ashen right? I took a guess,” Luna confessed.

“Actually I was talking about that guard, Steel, it takes a lot of guts to stand up to a pissed gryphon covered in weapons,” I joked, though I made sure Ashen couldn’t see me wink.

“Buck ya’ too ya’ old codger,” Ashen spat.

“Hey Tzu, come help Ashen here get settled in so we can get moving,” I called, allowing myself to smile at Ashen’s momentary confusion.

“That wasn’t necessary,” Luna chided.

“Meh… fuck,” I swore as I noticed a new problem.

“What now?” Luna groaned as Tzu led Ashen away.

“None of your clothes will fit over your armor,” I pointed out.

“Fuck,” Luna swore, “I only got to wear that outfit twice. Can you modify it to fit?”

“Not with those shoulder pads in the way,” I replied, shaking my head.

“Fuck,” Luna repeated.

“Yeah, we’d have to take the whole light layer off to make them fit right again,” I agreed.

“I was going to surprise you with just the jacket and boots tonight too,” Luna lamented.

“You could toss the under tail covering at me when I walk in, that’d produce about the same effect,” I suggested.

“But you’d expect that, it wouldn’t be a surprise,” Luna complained as she wandered towards the door with her head low.

“I’m sure you’ll think of something,” I encouraged.

“Lu, Abaddon says we’re back in Ponyville. Are you ever leaving that room?”

“Not until I think of something clever,” Luna refused.

“Alright, I’m going to check on the town and make sure it was quiet while we were gone,” I responded.

The walk out and drop to the ground was unusually quiet, as though everyone was waiting for something. Like an enemy to attack them again. I dismissed the thought out of hand on the grounds that Abaddon would’ve told me when we arrived, but something was going on here.

The sound of large wings flapping roused me from my thoughts as a fully grown dragon flew overhead.

“What the fuck, where did he come from?” I asked the universe. Receiving no answer, I figured my best bet was to wait by the library for a certain purple trouble magnet to show up.

I didn’t have to wait long.

“That was amazing Fluttershy, who knew you could stand up to a dragon like that?” the newest member of my shit list praised.

“Twilight, you will explain that statement in detail and you will have the best explanation I have ever heard for intentionally putting three of my very few friends in that kind of danger,” I declared, making all six of them jump.

“Jekyll, I...uh...well you see...a letter from the princess said….there was a dragon…” Twilight managed, nearly paralyzed from the glare I was currently boring through her head and out the back of her skull.

“Celestia sent you, and you went,” I observed, my gaze panning over the group and noting every singed hair and spot of soot. This was unacceptable, it was a miracle any of them survived at all.

“Yes,” Twilight confessed.

“Not one of you thought to alert me of a dragon intruding on my territory, he was my responsibility to handle. Now he’ll return to his flock and inform them that I needed ponies to send him away for me, I’ll be seen as weak,” I admonished.

“So? I get the pride dude, but who gives a feather what some dragons from far away think?” Dash asked, having built up a tolerance for my glares.

“If I’m weak then I can be deposed and my territory can be taken, they won’t stay far away. This is exactly what Chelly was after, now I’ll have to fight off the entire flock or Ponyville will burn. Either I kill dozens of dragons right in front of everyone or I let over a hundred ponies die, either way I’m a monster,” I explained.

“Oh, that’s bad,” Pinkie deduced, her hair deflating.

I sighed as I weighed my options, “Maybe I can pull off a third option, maybe. But I’ll need all of my dragon skulls to do it and I’ll need the town to ignore the macabre trophies on all of the buildings. Hopefully seeing a graveyard of their kin will persuade them to keep flying.”

“How many of these skulls do ya have?” Applejack asked.

“One for every dragon that thought he could best me in a fight, minus one infant,” I replied.

“I’m guessing that’s a lot?” Twilight asked as she shook herself out of her stupor.

“Several dozen over the centuries. Enough,” I responded.

“Glad we didn’t ruin everything, bye!” Twilight attempted before trying to bolt inside her home and tripping over a tendril I had wrapped around her leg. She begged for mercy as I reeled her in and picked her up, though her friends appeared nonplussed at the display, “Help meeeeeee!”

“Darling relax, you look like you’ve never gotten a stern word before,” Rarity chided gently.

“Ah have ta’ agree Twi, ya aren’t taking this too well,” Applejack added.

“Wha-What?” Twilight asked in confusion as my wings spread.

“Jay doesn’t hurt ponies Twilight, he scolds them and if they keep doing bad things….” Fluttershy trailed off as she lost her nerve.

“If they don’t shape up I peel their skin off and leave them to bleed in the street. If it’ll make you feel better, I’ve only done that once,” I finished, “To a pony anyway.”

“But I like my skin...” Twilight whimpered before I lept into the air and made a beeline for Abaddon’s deck.

“Sir, we weren’t able to identify the dragon,” Tzu reported apologetically once I landed.

“It doesn’t matter, get all of the skulls and adorn the town with them. Here’s hoping they think twice before challenging my strength,” I ordered as I passed.

“Here’s hoping,” Tzu agreed, having read the same signs as I had and reaching the same conclusion.

“Where are we going?” Twilight asked fearfully as I carried her deeper into Abaddon.

“You don’t recognize this path? This is the way to Luna’s and my room, you didn’t just cross me with that blunder,” I replied.

“Oh, I guess it was dumb to go chase that dragon away,” Twilight commented sadly.

“It was damn heroic, the kind of thing that used to get you a song. It was the who and why that have us upset,” I clarified.

“But we would’ve died if Fluttershy hadn’t been there,” Twilight insisted.

“Luna barely knows Fluttershy, she’s going to be mad you answered Celestia’s call and went in without any way of staying alive if it had gotten hostile. I’m mad because you took Shy, Dash, and AJ with you and didn’t think to contact me first,” I elaborated.

“But we’re the Elements of Harmony, we’re supposed to save Equestria from threats like this,” Twilight argued as I reached the correct door.

“No, you’re supposed to save Equestria from threats like me. I’m supposed to defend the ground and skies I’ve conquered from outsiders I don’t want to be there. Big threats affecting all of Equestria are your business and I won’t hinder you, but I expect the same courtesy regarding invaders around my town,” I rebutted before knocking on the door, “Luna, be decent.”

I didn’t give any more warning before opening the door and walking straight to the couch Discord had poofed into existence a lifetime ago, at least it seemed that way.

“Jay, why’s Twilight with you? Is that ash? Did the library burn down? Can it burn down?” Luna asked as she wrapped a towel around her head.

“‘Cause she fucked up. Yes. No. No,” I replied.

“Did you shower while wearing armor?” Twilight asked in confusion.

“It doesn’t come off easily, so it was meant to be worn in the shower. What happened?” Luna responded as she moved to sit on the bed.

“I got a letter today from Princess Celestia, it said that a dragon had made a home in one of the caves nearby and had settled in to hibernate. It also warned that its snores would soon choke Ponyville in a cloud of smoke and that I’d need to get it to move before this could happen,” Twilight began.

“So she gathered up the rest of her friends and went to talk to it,” I summarized.

“You didn’t,” Luna challenged, cringing at the thought.

“We did, and we would’ve died if Fluttershy hadn’t gotten assertive and talked it into moving,” Twilight finished.

“Fluttershy as in the shy little pegasus? She saved all of you? I’ll never underestimate that young mare again,” Luna commented.

“It’s the quiet ones you have to watch out for,” I advised.

“But all of this came from my sister, a summons you answered. Tia knowingly risked your lives and the usability of the Elements, but so did all of you. I’m disappointed in everypony involved for taking this needless risk, especially when Jeff could’ve held the smog back or frightened off the dragon with next to no chance of being hurt,” Luna admonished.

“Or he could’ve sent one of the enforcers to get us,” I added.

“That too. From now on, please forward any mail Tia sends straight to me and Jay. We’ll filter out anything ridiculous and give the rest back. Let us handle the reckless missions, you just enjoy time with your friends and the adventure of life,” Luna instructed.

“You want to go through my mail?” Twilight confirmed, looking flabbergasted at the idea.

“You’re right, that was too far. If she gives you missions like this, please come to us first so we can make sure none of you get hurt or worse,” Luna amended.

“I think I can do that. Whew, I thought I was going to Tartarus when Jekyll carted me up here,” Twilight commented.

“That reminds me, isn’t young Scootaloo still in Tartarus?” Luna asked.

“Yep,” I replied as I sat on the bed next to Luna’s right shoulder and leaned back against the wall.

“Eh, she seemed happy enough with it when we left,” Luna shrugged.

“Portal’s open, she just hasn’t come back yet,” I added, getting my information from the leviathan around us as I spoke.

“She…likes it there?” Twilight asked, her face the image of disbelief.

“I could always drag you to Hell, let you see for yourself,” I offered.

I’d never seen anyone teleport that quickly, pony or otherwise. Twilight was gone like a fifty-nine Cadillac before I had time to register a glow on her horn.

“Hey Jay, is it almost nighttime yet?” Luna asked.

“It’s about seven, I’ve seen earlier sunsets. Why?” I replied.

“Look to your right,” Luna instructed. I did so and found an empty space, as expected. Then it hit me, on the top of my head to be precise. As I reached up and removed my new hat, I discovered a familiar piece of abyssanite in my grasp.

I turned back and found Luna staring at me through her soggy mane, the little silver beads I had tied in sparkling in the light and accenting her eyes.

“Nice surprise,” I complimented.

Author's Notes:

I don't have an answer for why this took so long to get finished, but I'm going to blame Youtube, Netflix, and Steam on...let's call it a hunch. Hopefully I won't take over a month to get the next one out, this long of a gap is just embarrassing to me.

Eric's Editor's Note:

So... that was a productive chapter.
Luna got unbreakable armor,
Brismane is gone,
Jay got a new follower (Sorta),
Twi did a stupid,
And Jay had sex.
...
Dirty, dirty sex.
...
...
Hmmm... I wonder...
...
Kinky.

Militia's Editor's Note:

Real life can suck, but we're glad to present the next update. Can't wait to see how Chelly reacts to this...