It had been an interesting return trip to the castle. With Maud by his side, Gregory was met by the royal family, all of whom were struggling to keep a straight face. He was barely able to utter a syllable before Luna scooped him up in a hug that nearly turned his bones into powder. His mare saved him, thankfully, as the rest of the royals poured forth their congratulations for being courted by such a fine mare.

When asked how they already knew, the royals said it was the guard they sent who ran ahead of them to deliver her report. The secret of the queens’ vast network of spies across the empire would remain safe another day.

The next day, still in the afterglow of finding a real girlfriend, or rather fillyfriend, Gregory was greeted by a rapid knock at the door. He should have been more suspicious, for upon opening it he was immediately torpedoed into the wall by the pony-shaped cotton candy. She crushed him in a hug nearly as strong as Luna’s, singing her excitement at her sister finding a coltfriend. Afterwards she began hopping around the room, talking a mile a minute about how happy she was. Gregory was only able to gleam every other word, making out something along the lines of getting a house, starting a family, having lots and lots of babies, something about a clone army, and many more things which all involved a party somehow.

Truth be told, Gregory had begun zoning out after a while. Just listening to this mare was exhausting. His attention was caught by her bouncing breasts. They weren’t all that different from the pair normally found on human women, aside from their location under her belly and between her legs. Location aside, he definitely felt himself enticed by the view. They bounced and swayed with the same energy and abandon rarely found outside of certain kinds of anime.

Gregory reflected on how he’d never really looked at ponies this way. Sure he’d noticed a few flanks here and there, but he’d only recently begun noticing ponies as beings of beauty and desire. He concluded Maud was to blame, for which she’d likely accept full responsibility for his sexual reawakening into bestiality, if you could call it that. But that thought lead to a more pressing issue. First of all, the cotton candy, or rather Pinkie Pie, was Maud’s younger sister. Secondly, and far more urgently, was that his pants had somehow been thrown half way across the room, and that he’d been staring at a sexy mare’s sexy breasts for the last few minutes.

“Hello!” Pinkie cheered, having materialized right in front of the human. Her eyes beamed seductively as they trailed down his body to where his hooves now covered. She made a sound of disappointment. “Aww. Does wittle Gweggy Weggy want to come out and pway?”

“No! No he does not,” Gregory barked, baring his teeth in anger. “And shame on you for hitting on your sister’s boyfriend.” He had to turn this around somehow and convince her to leave.

“One. You’re my sister’s coltfriend,” Pinkie corrected, trying her best to look serious. She clearly needed practice. “Two. So what?”

“So what?” Gregory repeated, dumbstruck by the question.

“Yeah. So what? What’s the big deal?” Pinkie shrugged, looking like she didn’t have a care in the world.

A hundred and twelve reasons for not sleeping with your sister’s boyfriend flooded Gregory’s mind, so much so that he could barely bring himself to speak.

“I mean, we’re sisters after all. And since I don’t have a stallion right now, I’m sure she wouldn’t mind sharing.” Pinkie batted her eyelids playfully as she took a step forward. “Besides, what are you covering up for? It’s not like you don’t have anything I haven’t seen on a thousand other stallions… or do you?” She added in intrigue.

“For god’s sake,” Gregory groaned. It was too early for this. “I’m not cheating on Maud!”

This stopped Pinkie in her tracks as she regarded him in confusion. “Cheating? But I never said you were cheating. Unless…” Her eyes narrowed accusingly. “Unless you’ve got something to hide, bucko!” Suddenly the lights went out and she pulled out a lamp to shine in his face. “Spill it, bub! Have you been cheating on my big sister in the,” she stopped to check the watch she suddenly had, “eleven hours since you became a couple?”

After adjusting to the light, Gregory did his best to glare at Pinkie in complete disbelief. “By all that’s holy, how did you know that?” he deadpanned.

“Hey! I’m the one asken questions around here, Greggy-poo, so you’re gonna spill it. Have you been cheating on my sister?” She pressed the light closer.

“Gah! No.” He batted away the lamp. “Jesus, what’s wrong with you?”

“Okay,” Pinkie said casually. She pushed the lamp aside to parts unknown as the lights returned to normal. “Just checking.”

“Bu-wha?” The human gestured impotently around the room, grasping for any way to make sense of what just happened. “You’re the one trying to make me cheat!”

“No I’m not,” Pinkie said without a care in the world. “I just thought I’d share my sister’s coltfriend. Toootally different thing.” She made a sweeping motion with her hoof. “We’re sisters. It’s, like, in the rule book that we get to borrow each other’s stuff.”

“I’m not stuff,” Gregory barked back.

“Well duh.” Pinkie looked at him as though he were going out of his way to not make sense. “You’re a stallion, and also my sister’s coltfriend. You’re not stuff, but you’re still totally and completely borrowable.”

“My head hurts,” Gregory groaned. He pressed a hoof to his forehead while keeping the other covering his privates. The cotton candy shaped like a pony was too much.

Suddenly the cotton candy jumped back, gasping audibly as she pointed down at Gregory’s swimsuit area. “Y-y-y-y,” she stuttered.

“Oh for god’s sake,” Gregory whined. “You just said you’ve seen a thousand other guys’ junk before, now suddenly your modest or something? And before it was hyper, accusing, and then all happy again. Just pick a mood already.”

“Y-y-your flank,” she stuttered.

“My…” Gregory looked down at his flank; the one Pinkie had a clear view of. “What about it?”

“It’s blank,” Pinkie said almost accusingly. “You don’t have a cutie mark.”

“Oh.” Gregory could only sit in quiet contemplation at this sudden infusion of sense. The cotton candy’s surprise at an adult like him not having a mark was the first reasonable thing she’d done all day, and it was only barely morning. “That’s… um…”

“Does Maud know?”

“What?”

Pinkie lunged forward, grabbing Gregory’s face and pulling him so close their eyes touched. “Does. Maud. Know?”

“Gregory.” Came the carefree voice of Luna as she merrily entered the still open door. “I was just walking by and I thought I could walk you down to…” The queen went silent as she took in the scene from Gregory’s discarded pants, to the dent in the wall, and finally to the familiar pink mare who looked to be straddling him while both looked at her in surprise. She coughed to clear her throat, readying herself to sound regal. “Customarily, it is considered good manners to put a sock on the door when-”

“Luna!” Pinkie yelled. Effortlessly she flipped Gregory over, holding his barrel beneath her foreleg with his rear facing the queen. “Look.”

Luna nodded, squinting her eyes as if in deep thought. The plot being presented for her inspection was rather nice. She preferred her stallions with a bit more muscle, but these looked adequate to get the job done. It would not be terribly difficult to train him right. Between his legs dangled a decent pair of balls and an unsheathed human cock. In her many centuries of living, the sight before her could only be considered slightly above average. Bonus points were awarded for the flank belonging to someone she knew and liked, more so for the way his struggling against the earth mare’s grip caused his parts to dangle and flop about in a manner she found enticing. Amidst this struggle, his anus somehow managed to remain obstructed by his tail, which she found disappointing. And lastly were the memories of just what human endurance was capable of the last time she’d befriended a human pony stallion. She didn’t even realize that she licked her lips.

“See!” Pinkie insisted, bringing Luna back to reality.

“Y-yes. I see.” Luna composed herself, but still wasn’t sure what the issue was. “But pray tell, what do you see?’

“This!” Pinkie gritted her teeth as she jabbed a hoof into the stallion’s blank flank, causing him to yelp. “There’s no cutie mark!”

“Oh that,” Luna beamed with a soft giggle. “Yes, I was aware.”

Pinkie’s jaw dropped about two feet. She gave it a yank and it snapped back up, somehow rolling and making the sound of an old roll out window blind. “You knew?” She dropped the stallion as she fell to her hooves.

It took all of Luna’s might to keep from falling to the floor in laughter when the human stallion scrambled for the bathroom to retain what remained of his dignity.

“You knew and you never said anything about it?” Pinkie berated the queen.

Luna kept her hoof firmly in place to stifle her laughter until she felt sure of her ability to speak. “Ahem. The issue never came up?” She gave an apologetic shrug.

“What about Maud?” Pinkie asked with deadly seriousness, apparently finding the practice she lacked from earlier.

“I’m honestly not sure. Gregory!” Luna called to the bathroom.

“What!?” Gregory yelled irately.

“Has your fillyfriend gazed upon the blankness of your flank?”

It was about this time that Gregory, thinking of anything he could to calm down his erection, also concluded that mares were all crazy. “We talked about it, but I never showed her, if that’s what you mean,” he growled, certain that Luna was likely lost in some dirty fantasy.

“She knew!?” Pinkie whaled. “She knew and she still made out with you in the park like that? Celestia’s sake, there was tongue! No offense,” she apologized softly to Luna.

“None taken,” Luna said, the smile on her lips threatening to reach her ears.

“How the hell did you know that?” Gregory demanded.

“Duh! In the letter she wrote me, silly. She’s been telling me about you since she started courting you. How many times do I gotta say that we’re sisters? We share things. I’d just got the letter a few hours ago and immediately boarded the train to wish you, then her, the best of happiness.”

“The Element of Laughter brings up a fair point,” Luna said, suddenly remembering that Gregory was no ordinary pony. “I’d certainly loath to learn if my sister withheld details upon acquiring a new lover. Sharing is a perfectly normal thing to do between mares.”

After about ten minutes of explanation, the mares were briefly banished from Gregory’s room to allow him to get dressed before explanations could begin in earnest. Not only were ponies much more open about their sexuality, but they lacked many of the taboos the human had grown up with. Chief among them was the lack of rigidity around relationships and the acceptance of incest. In the former, the naturally polygamous ponies were free to do as they pleased outside of heat, which was the only time there were serious consequences. Upon marriage, it was somewhat frowned upon, but not outright discouraged, for ponies to sleep around outside the herd, but it was rarely done and generally only happened with same sex relationships. Regarding incest, pony magic had effectively removed all consequences of inbreeding. It was less common than non-incestuous relationships, but no less socially acceptable. In fact, Pinkie’s proposal of sharing her sister’s stallion was considered so ordinary that the cotton candy barely considered it worth explaining. There was, however, one taboo that was still enforced.

“Let me get this straight,” Gregory said as he rubbed his still aching head. A fresh cup of Jasmine tea sat before him. “I’m a minor because I don’t have a cutie mark?”

“The specifics of the law vary from region to region, with some setting stipulations on age or requiring an occupation,” Luna lectured. “However, the general consensus across most of the empire is that a pony is not a legal adult until after they’ve acquired a cutie mark.”

Gregory groaned. “Hypothetically speaking, if a pony gets their mark at a really young age, let’s say ten…”

“Then the legal code of most districts would recognize that pony as an adult, perfectly capable of giving consent,” Luna added, having anticipated where this question was going. “Such things are rare, mind you, but rarely do they lead to the kind of abuses you might be imagining.”

Gregory downed his cup in one gulp, wondering if he should consider taking up drinking for a hobby.

“This is really fascinating and all,” Pinkie interjected impatiently. “But what about Maud? If he’s not legal, does that mean she’s in trouble?”

Gregory choked on his tea, having not considered that. He looked up to Luna, eyes pleading for the queen to put his worries to rest.

“The law is flexible,” Luna replied calmly. “In recognition of Gregory’s age and the fact that nothing happened apart from kissing,” she paused, eyeing the human questioningly. He shook his head with much zeal. “Then I don’t imagine there will be much issue,” she concluded casually.

Both Pinkie and Gregory sighed in relief, but the former wasn’t done yet.

“Don’t look too pleased with yourself, bucko!” Pinkie warned.

“What?”

“We might have dodged a bullet this time, but I’m not letting my big sis get in trouble just because of your blank flank, baka.”

“Um… what?” The mare’s elaborate accusations were not helping what Gregory was fairly certain was a migraine. “Did you just say-”

“I called you a silly colt,” Pinkie cut him off. “I don’t mean to be mean, but it’s a little frustrating when my sister’s first coltfriend in, like, forever, doesn’t seem to care that his fillyfriend is at risk of being a pedophile.”

“I haven’t even had my morning coffee yet,” Gregory whined. “Also you tackled me into a wall. I think I’m entitled to not be working at a hundred percent at the moment.”

“Indeed,” Luna said reassuringly as she levitated another cup of tea before the stallion. “Besides, Canterlot’s laws are by far the most liberal regarding such matters. While it would be best to maintain discretion should something happen, I do not foresee any serious consequences, apart from the usual,” she added with a suggestive smile.

“What?” Pinkie and Gregory asked as one.

“Indeed. Before my banishment, it was deemed perfectly acceptable for ponies of status or profession to take in young foals as apprentices, teaching them in the ways of their craft, the etiquette of court, and even the nature of relationships.” Luna sighed in disappointment. “Such a shame for such a practical means of teaching to be dropped by the wayside, all in favor of these,” she snorted in disgust, “public schools.”

“Can I go back to bed now?” Gregory begged, not wanting to think about the good old days when pedophilia was more accepted. “I feel sick.”

“Truly?” Luna placed a hoof over Gregory’s forehead. “Hmm. There does seem to be a bit of a fever. I’ll escort you to the castle infirmary.”

When Gregory made to stand, he found his legs immediately give out beneath him. Pinkie lunged to grab him, but stopped in midair when Luna caught him in her magic, granting the pink mare the opportunity once more to spit in the face of gravity as she floated back down with the grace of a feather. Luna smiled sympathetically at the weary stallion and gently set him over her back, despite his weak protests. Meanwhile, Pinkie, having formulated a most pinkalishious plan to save her sister from her coltfriend’s flanks, galloped off in the opposite direction.

Author's Notes:

And thus I have written Pinkie. There seems to be much debate over Pinkie’s portrayal in the episodes regarding whether or not she’s in character. For the most part I think I did alright, but I’m also hiding behind the excuse that this Equestria is slightly different and thus gives me more license to take liberties. Pinkie is zaney, can get so carried away that she appears thoughtless, but ultimately she really cares. Also, more Gregory abuse. Pinkie doesn’t know her own strength sometimes, and so will bounce ponies to her heart’s content.