“Love doesn’t just sit there, like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all the time, made new.”

– Ursula K. Le Guin, The Lathe of Heaven

The boardwalk along Belmont Park was packed to the brim with people of every shape and form, crowded together as they walked, biked, ran and made their way across the streets and into the shops or the sands of the seashore, a cacophony of noise and sound that deafened the ears of those nearby. Through the midst of it a young couple walked hand in hand, enjoying the company of one another as the crowd of humanity pushed against them.

“How’re you feeling? Need to take a rest?” Marc asked, looking down at his wife with concern. His brief years upon the earth had not yet brought him into the whirlwind of pregnancy yet, nor one as close to him as his wife. Every day he plied her with questions, eager to care for her wellbeing.

Sunset laughed, taking a sip of her drink and tossing it into the nearby trashcan. “Really, Mark, I’m fine. I’m still early,” she said gently. “You can stop worrying.”

“Really? After this morning where you spent a good half-hour headfirst in a toilet bowl? You want me to not worry,” Marc said.

“Yes, I do,” Sunset replied, “because though you are very sweet, your worrying can get annoying. It’s pregnancy, Marc. It’s going to be a long nine months if you don’t learn to relax.”

Marc nodded but still appeared unconvinced. Nevertheless he remained silent, the two continuing their stroll down the boardwalk, surrounded by the masses of humanity that teemed along the shoreline.

“It’s so weird,” he remarked.

“What is?”

Marc pulled a face, attempting to gather his thoughts. “It’s- we’re still at war. Not like the days when we were kids, but a big, massive war- and people are still here acting like it’s peacetime. Just doesn’t seem real to me.”

Sunset peered about the boardwalk. A spare few signs for military recruitment, a few propaganda posters against the Crystal Empire, and a few sailors walking along and enjoying their time off. But Marc was right- it was if the war had never come to these shores. “Discord’s last attack was only two years ago,” she said. “And in LA, too, not far from here. You’d think people would be more nervous.”

“The war’s over to these people,” Marc said. “To them it’ll just be a bunch of videos and news clippings.”

The sunny day had become somewhat darkened by their words, the midday sunlight above suddenly starting to dim. Sunset felt the tension in her husband’s grip, the sudden unease he felt as thoughts and memories of horrors beyond reckoning began to swirl through his brain. It was as though she could see the virulent strain growing in his mind, vicious and cruel as it taunted him. He needed to be shook from it.

“Come on, there’s an open bench up ahead. I could use a rest,” Sunset said briskly, quickening her pace and tugging on her husband’s hand.

“Hm? Yeah, sure,” Marc said, the disquiet he possessed lessening as his senses returned to reality, the cloud within starting to dissipate. “You al-”

Sunset shot him a piercing look that spoke of her exasperation-

“You’re fine,” Marc said calmly, raising his hands in surrender.

“You will seriously need to learn how to calm down,” she said, shaking her head with disdain. “How are you ever going to survive being a father?”

“I don’t know,” he replied, his countenance beginning to fall. “It- it just hasn’t really set in yet.” He peered off out into the waves, his gaze traveling beyond the horizon and not looking back. “I’m going to be a father.”

“You’re going to be a good father,” Sunset reminded, already guessing where his thoughts would be heading. “Because there’s more good in your little finger than there ever was in your father’s whole body. Don’t you ever forget it.”

“I know. I’ll be better than he was just because I’ll do whatever it takes to not be like him. But that doesn’t mean I’ll be a good parent. It just means I won’t be what he was.”

“So what do you mean?”

Marc’s gaze stirred, glancing over at his wife before trailing down at his feet. “It’s… it just needs to be more than that, you know?” he said. “I don’t want my life to be about doing everything I can to not be Estevan. I can’t spend my life doing a comparison between the two of us. I want to be good- truly good, not… not just in comparison to him. But good because I truly am.”

“And you are,” Sunset said encouragingly. “You’re more than anyone would have dreamed of you. You’re such a far cry from your old life that you’d be unrecognizable if you went back now.”

“It’ll never be good enough,” he said softly. Taking note of her concerned expression, he gave a laugh. “Don’t worry, it’s not anything bad. I just- I want that part of my life to be something small. Insignificant in the whole story. Not a chapter, just a small little blip on the radar. I want to be… defined by something, well, greater. I want to be something worth being. Something worth- emulating, I guess.”

“Start by being you,” Sunset said. “The best version of you that you can be. You’re already making your way.”

“I don’t know who I’m supposed to be,” Marc said. “Or even what it all means.”

“I don’t think anyone does, really,” Sunset said with a laugh in her voice. “We just, sort of, find our way through. Like muddling our way through the dark. Stumbling about, but eventually we find the light.”

“That’s a pretty optimistic way of looking at things,” Marc remarked. “Are you sure that it’s the right way of seeing things?”

“I know it’s right,” she said confidently. “You’re proof of it. And, just so you know, you already are worth emulating.”

Marc’s darkened mood flickered away and the sun regained its light, the joy of the afternoon with its revelry and happiness weaving its way through the masses. Giving a sigh, Sunset leaned over and rested against her husband, comforted by the steady sound of his heart pulsing within his chest.

“I’m glad you’re with me, Sunset,” he said simply.

“So am I.”

The afternoon passed them by like a heartbeat, fast, momentary, and fleeting. It was not long before they watched the sun set and the desire for food overtook them. The two departed from the beach and headed inland, making their way through the city and watching as the shadows of the sun filtered through the skyline and the darkness became inundated with the pinpricks of manmade light. It was a lovely night, peaceful and calm as the moon rose and cast its glow down upon the seaside city, the young couple letting the night fall deeply upon them until they could bear it no longer. Sunset was the first to falter, nodding off as they drove back to their hotel on the island.

“You can just go to sleep, you know,” Marc said, keeping an eye on the driver ahead of them as the bridge began to unravel before them, a towering serpent of cement across the darkened waters.

“I’ll wait,” Sunset replied, her voice low with exhaustion. It had been a long day. “I’ll sleep better if I wait till we get back. Besides, I still need a shower.”

“I call dibs.”

Sunset gave him a look of displeasure as he began to grin. “Jerk.”

“Slowpoke,” he replied.

The hotel bed seemed to draw them in from the moment they stepped foot into the room, Marc doing his best to resist its call as he made his way into the bathroom and turning on the shower. Sunset, however, hardly seemed to put up a fight and crashed upon the bed, her eyes gazing about listlessly as she waited for her husband to finish up.

Before too long the sound of rushing water came to a halt, followed by the sound of footsteps upon tile as a wet-faced Marc returned to view, drying himself off with a small towel. “It’s all yours. Come on, let’s get to bed,” he said.

“Marc?”

“Yeah?”

Sunset’s gaze began to harden, waking somewhat as a thought wormed her way into her brain. “Can- can I ask you something?”

Marc shrugged, reaching for a pair of boxers. “What’s up?”

“What happened to us?” Sunset asked.

Marc paused his efforts, one leg halfway in a pair of pajama pants. “What does that mean?”

“Why’d we let things get so wrong between us? We were –are- better than that,” Sunset said, rising up to a sitting position. “What happened to us that what… what happened was OK?”

Marc thought it over and gave a simple shrug of his shoulders. “War happened,” he said simply. “Bad things happen and they happened to us. All there is to it.”

“I don’t think it’s that easy though,” Sunset countered. “Think about it, Marc. Before you left were fine- nearly flawless. Do you remember how we talked to one another before you enlisted? We’ve never been able to go back to that.”

“We probably never will. It just is, Sunset. We’re not kids anymore and the world’s changed. We changed right along with it.”

“And that’s fine with you?” Sunset asked.

“Well… no,” Marc admitted. “But it’s done and over with. No point worrying about it now.”

“That’s it? Because we’re fine now you think it’s just going to stay that way? Marc, come o- listen to me!”

“I am listening to you,” he said defensively. “I just don’t want to start a fight when we’re both in a good mood. Come on, babe, we’re on vacation in a great city, you’re pregnant, I’m here- it’s more than we could’ve asked for. Why are you getting so bothered about something that’s over and done with?”

“Because I don’t ever want to go back to that again-”

“And we won’t!” Marc said in a huff, turning his back to her as he reached for a worn-out t-shirt on the dresser.

“Marc, will you- forget this,” Sunset muttered, casting out her hand-

Marc didn’t see it until he ran into it- a brilliant, emerald-green barrier the size of a door blocking his path to his own clothing. He gave a snarl, turning back to his wife who was staring at him, her cyan eyes absolutely afire.

“Take it away! You know someone could see you!” Marc said.

“Don’t turn your back on me!” she said heatedly. “You’d never let one of your soldiers ever do that to you, don’t give me that sort of disrespect!”

“Turn it off, Sunset! You’re not my mother.”

“I’m not. I’m your wife,” she said sharply, giving a snap of her fingers and extinguishing the barrier in an instant. “So when I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you it means I want your help. Don’t just push me aside just because you don’t want to deal with it!”

“Of course I don’t want to deal with it. I want to go to bed!” Marc said angrily. “I am tired. I am worn out. Just stop and get a shower so we can go to bed!”

“Until we get this figured out, we’re gonna stay up and fight. I don’t want to go back to those days, so I want to know where we went wrong.”

“What went wrong?” Marc was incensed. “I’ll tell you what went wrong. You didn’t want anything to change! You thought I was just going to go off to war, kill people and watch my friends get torn up and just shrug it off like it never happened. You wanted me to just act like none of it ever happened. And when I started having trouble you just made it worse!”

“I wanted comfort- I needed you to be back!” Sunset fired back. “I thought I could never have a child- that my own screw-ups from when we were kids had done so much damage that I was barren- forever!” Her eyes, still blazing, began to swim with tears. “I didn’t know how to cope, and I needed your help. I waited nearly a year before I told anyone because I wanted to make sure you were OK.”

Marc averted his gaze, unable to see his wife’s distress without feeling a measure of guilt.

“Marc, I am sorry- I am sorry I didn’t notice something was wrong right from the beginning, but, but I never thought you’d- you’d already gone through so much. I didn’t think you would struggle, and I am sorry I wasn’t there for you the moment it happened. I know I made it worse, and if you’d just asked for help I would’ve been there. I would’ve…” Sunset bowed her head and shook her waves of crimson hair as she paused to take a breath. Suddenly she whipped up and glared daggers at her husband, more incensed than Marc had ever seen her. “You never asked for help! The entire time you just pushed everyone away, pretended like nothing was wrong! You even tried to help Collie but wouldn’t let anyone help you! I tried to get you to talk to me, to just say anything- but you wouldn’t let anyone in!”

“I know!” Marc shouted. “I am aware of what I did wrong, and, and- don’t you think that haunts me? That I don’t regret everything I ever shouted at you, or did, or- or all of it! Every time I think about it I just- God, Sunset, I hate the memory of it! I went to war so you would never have to see it, do you think I’m proud that I brought some of it back with me? Who I almost became? No! It’s sickening, I-”

Marc suddenly found himself at a loss for words, crashing against the nearby armchair and falling to the ground. His eyes became misty as the horde of terrible memories came before his eyes in a whirlwind of pain and wrath. “Sunset, you’re- you’re my best friend. The first person, the only person, I have ever truly loved. Hurting you in any way… it’s not what I ever want to do- ever. I just… I was afraid,” he admitted lowly. “Afraid of just about everything. Nothing felt right, and I didn’t know how to make it any better.” He shook his head, taking a hand across his face to push the water away. “Why’d you have to do this? I don’t wanna fight- not you.”

“And I don’t either,” Sunset said, sliding down off the bed and sitting across from her husband. “I should’ve thought of a better way to do this. I’m sorry.”

Marc looked about the room before landing upon his wife and giving a small laugh. “It was your turn to start a fight, anyway,” he said.

Sunset smiled in reply, letting the silence fill the gap between them as the night continued to press on. “Marc, I know we can’t ever go back.”

“That’s on me,” he said. “I chose this for us, and… I wish I hadn’t.”

“You did it because it was right. Because you’d changed too much to just hide away,” Sunset said. “We’d promised each other that we’d drive one another to do better- be better.”

“I don’t think we did a very good job,” Marc replied. “It’s been rough.”

“We’re still together, though. Through it all we somehow made it together. That should count for something.”

“We broke our promise. A lot of fights, yelling, and just…” Marc sighed in defeat. “So much for that promise.”

“Do you regret it?” Marc looked up at her in confusion. “Choosing me? Loving me? Marrying me?”

“And what kind of silly question is that?” he retorted.

“Then we trade that broken promise in for a new one,” Sunset said firmly. “That no matter what, we don’t give up- not one ourselves, not on each other. That we promise to keep pushing, even when we don’t want to- and there’s going to be days we’ll want to do just that.”

“We don’t need to,” Marc replied. “You know why?” He smiled and held up a golden band on his finger. “Cause we already did. No more childhood promises, Sunset. Just a commitment to what we already have. To make it good- and each day better than the one before.”

Sunset smiled, shuffling over to sit beside her husband. The two gazed at one another, the fire and rage they once bore having extinguished, his tired brown eyes staring right into her hope-filled gaze that shown like stars.

“What?” he asked.

“I just couldn’t have said it any better myself,” she said. “Proud of you.”

Marc chuckled. “Thanks, Sunset.” He leaned over and put his arm around her, giving his wife a comforting squeeze. “Are you still mad at me, or are we friends again?”

Sunset laughed, giving him a gentle kiss on the cheek. “We never stopped.”

The days went by quickly- too quickly for Marc’s liking. The return to reality loomed ahead of him like a great chasm, a mighty wall that blocked his path into a normal life. His stomach filled with dread as he thought of it- morning formations, back-breaking work in the scorching heat and humidity, the miserable hours. Every time the thought began to churn his insides, he turned to look at his wife and found a smile on her face, a glowing grin reserved just for him and he would smile in return. Eventually, Marc found a peace within. No matter what, she was at his side, and that would be more than enough to help him through.

The morning for their departure came quickly, and soon the two found themselves working through airport security and headed for the terminals.

“We got through quick. I didn’t expect it to go so fast,” Marc remarked. “How much time have we got till the flight?”

Sunset checked her phone before glancing at the tickets in her hand. “Almost an hour. We’ve got time to kill.”

“Not really what I intended, but alright,” he said. “Want to grab something to eat?”

“I’m good,” Sunset said flatly, the memories of their incoming flight still vivid in her mind. I think I’ll let the Dramamine be on its own for a while-”

Her words were interrupted by a ringing in Marc’s pocket, a loud screeching noise that was loud enough to garner curious glances from passerby. “Marc, what is that?”

Her husband’s face, once relaxed and at ease, suddenly was ill-composed. “Military contact,” he said quietly, pulling out his phone and staring at the name. “It’s Mac.”

“What’s he calling for-”

“Hold on,” Marc said, answering the phone and bringing it to his ear. “What’s needed?”

“Where are you?” Mac’s voice was thick, filled to the brim with tension.

“The airport. Why, what’s going on?”

“Get to a TV. I’ll text you the details.”

Mac hung up immediately after, Marc hardly able to make sense of his words before the line went dead, leaving the young couple in their confusion.

“What did he say?”

“Get to a TV,” Marc said hurriedly, already walking off towards a nearby restaurant. “Come on!” As he got nearby, he motioned to the bartender to attract attention. “Hey! Turn it to a news channel, please!”

Sunset, having been in a cheerful mood all morning, suddenly felt a great disquiet in her stomach. Something was not right, Big Mac had been too brief for it to be something simple.

As the channel changed, the TV suddenly displayed the face of the President, standing at a podium and looking grim-faced as he continued to speak. “The Crystal Empire’s fall is coming- no matter how hard they try to avail themselves. However, as the fight towards the heart of the Empire continues, more and more of our brave men and women continue to fall in battle. The longer this conflict continues, the greater harm will befall our soldiers. In an effort to bring a swift conclusion, the order has been given for additional troops to be sent in order to aid in the fight. To aid the 101st Airborne in their march towards the Imperial heartlands, the esteemed 3rd Infantry Division will be sent forth once more, now fully rearmed and ready for combat operations.”

Sunset gave a gasp of horror, turning to her husband with a stricken look upon her face that was too terrible for words.

Marc went rigid. His mind flew to the past, cascading through nightmares and memories far better left buried. The sounds of the real world left him, now surrounding him with the sounds of explosions, screams, and gunfire unceasing. It was happening all over again.

He was going back to war.

Author's Notes:

First arc is almost over. One more chapter and then the second will begin.

... I'm sorry that this has to happen. I really am. But there's one last fight to finish. And it has to be seen through by one who can see it done.

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