Veil of Thoughts
By Starwin

Chapter 12

The ceiling was moving. Why was the ceiling moving? That wasn’t right, a ceiling shouldn’t move. Yet, there it was, moving. Like it didn’t care at all that ceilings weren’t supposed to move.

Well, if the ceiling wasn’t going to behave, she supposed she just wouldn’t look at it. She let her eyes close and the ceiling stopped moving. Everything stopped moving.

Slowly she became aware of other things around her, sounds and voices and sensations. They weren’t moving, they were doing other things. She could hear the sounds of squeaky wheels. She could make out the worried voices, speaking in low tones. And she could feel that she was lying on her back, her whole body jostling slightly as she moved.

Logic and reason told her that the ceiling wasn’t moving, that she was the one who was moving. The voices – some she knew, some she did not – she could understand their words, she just wasn’t listening to them.

She didn’t let her eyes open, not yet. Instead she turned her focus inwards, to her own thoughts. She listened to the silence inside her head. It was so quiet. There was no confusion, no foreign thoughts, nothing, just her. She frowned and let her eyes open again.

The ceiling was still moving. The memories came rushing forward. She knew that ceiling, she knew those walls. Her eyes snapped fully open and she sat up suddenly in a panic. The voices cried out in protest, but with everypony trying to talk at once she didn’t know what they were saying.

Everything came to an abrupt stop, the ceiling, the walls… well, not the talking, that continued. A nurse was trying to coax her to lie back down. She would have none of that.

In a tumble she fell off the side of whatever she had been lying on and landed painfully on the floor. Her hooves came up under her and she struggled to her feet. She was surrounded by ponies she only partly knew.

“Calm down,” said one of the ponies. “Just calm down now. You’re alright sugarcube.”

“What happened?” she asked. Her voice felt odd in her throat, like she hadn’t used it for a long time. Her mind was still fuzzy, like parts of it were slowly flickering on one at a time. There were images of a strange dream running through her thoughts... No. It hadn’t been a dream, it had been real. A shiver ran through her as she remembered what the touch of nothing had felt like. “Where am I?”

“We brought you back to the hospital dear,” said a white unicorn. “You and Fluttershy and Applejack all passed out. When Applejack came to she told us what had happened but when you wouldn’t wake, we feared the worst. We knew we had to get you here as quickly as possible.”

“Wait, did you just say ‘I’,” asked Pink-Party. No. That wasn’t right, that wasn’t her name. She knew it, but she just couldn’t quite reach it. Her memories were slowly trickling back to her from the distant reaches of her mind. Pinkie Pie, that was her name. And that was Rarity and Applejack and… Fluttershy.

“I thought you couldn’t say I!” pressed Pinkie Pie, pointing a hoof at her. It was the first time that the mare was aware that she had a body. Up until that point she just assumed she was a pair of floating eyes. “Something’s wrong isn’t it? Something happened to you in that dream-thing!”

The mare tried to back away, but found a wall behind her. Her whole body felt… wrong. There was something horribly wrong with her. In a panic, she turned from the group and broke into a gallop, pushing her way past them. Shouts of protest echoed after her as she rushed away.

Her mad charge caused the outcry of several doctors and patients alike. She was searching for something, something… The mare skidded to a halt. In front of her was a large glass panel that was part of a door. It had been tinted so that it was slightly opaque and she could see her reflection in it.

“It can’t be,” she whispered.

She lifted a hoof to her head and touched the horn, her reflection did the same thing. She was unable to believe it was there even though she could plainly see it. At her sides, her wings flapped restlessly. Reluctantly, she turned her left flank so that she could see the cutie mark emblazoned upon it. Five white stars around a large dull gray one.

“No… please no…” the mare pleaded.

The others caught up to her just as she collapsed to the floor, unable to stand any longer.

“Twilight Dash, what’s wrong!” exclaimed Applejack, her voice distressed. The pony looked up from the floor, her mismatched eyes turning red with tears.

“No,” she said, her whole world broken in her voice. “I’m just… just Dash.”

The doctors had wanted to take Dash back to her old room, after all, she had only left it a few hours ago but Dash flat out refused. So, instead they had been shown to a waiting room. She had said little to her friends as they had walked, hardly glancing at them, feeling completely ashamed to speak.

They sat in silence for what felt like forever. Dash couldn’t find the words or the courage to speak, or move, or even cry; until Fluttershy wrapped her forelegs around her.

The shaky makeshift walls within Dash crumbled. It was too much, she couldn’t hold it in any longer. Dash began to weep uncontrollably. Fluttershy held her tighter. No, not just Fluttershy, everypony, all of her friends, they were all gathered around her, all embracing her.

“She’s… gone,” sobbed Dash, between gasping breaths. “She… gave her… self… for… me. I didn’t… want… I want… her… back… I need her… back… this… isn’t… fair…” Her friends held her tighter.

What was she supposed to do now? How could she live like this, in this body without Twilight? It was stupid, it was unfair, it was… her thoughts failed as grief overtook her. All Dash could do was cry and all she could think of was Twilight.

All throughout, her friends held her and let her cry. They did not offer empty words of comfort, nor try to force reason or questions upon her. They were simply there for her, to hold her and protect her, for it was all they could do.

“She’s gone,” Dash repeated when her tears had subsided. Her eyes burned, but there were no more tears she could cry.

“You mean y’all dreamt that she’s gone?” asked Applejack. “Twilight said that might happen, that she would become silent or something. So, she’s still in there someplace… isn’t she?”

Dash shook her head.

“No,” said Dash. “This wasn’t a dream. This was real. I was there, at the edge of death… I watched her… I saw her…” She wrapped her hooves around herself like she could still feel the cold touch. “I was there with only the darkness and the nothing and… Twilight… She… She pushed me back… She saved me. She gave herself for me…

“I didn’t dream it,” repeated Dash her eyes defiant. “I watched Twilight die and it felt just the same as when I… died…”

The whole room went completely silent. Every pony had an expression of utter terror upon their face.

“So, Twilight… she’s really…” said Applejack at last, her voice choked. Dash closed her eyes tight, but neither nodded nor spoke. “What will we do without her? What will Equestria do without her?”

“Omgosh!” exclaimed Pinkie Pie, suddenly jumping back. “Omgosh, omgosh, omgosh, omgosh!” she repeated. Everypony looked at her with concern. “I totally forgot! I wasn’t supposed to forget, but I totally did! I can’t believe I forgot!”

“Pinkie,” said Applejack, worry in her voice. “Calm down, what did you forget? What’s wrong now?”

“Something’s wrong with the Elements of Harmony!” exclaimed Pinkie.

“The… Elements of Harmony?” asked Rarity with concern. “What do you mean?”

“You know, the Elements of Harmony!” cried Pinkie Pie. “Generosity, kindness, laughter …”

“We know what the elements are,” interrupted Applejack. “I think what Rarity meant is, what’s wrong with them?”

“I’m sorry,” said Pinkie, looking sadly at Rarity before she turned to the rest of her friends. “When Celestia asked us to choose,” Rarity suddenly looked horror struck, “Rarity picked Dash.” Pinkie’s eyes turned to Dash, but the horned pegasus showed no reaction.

“Yeah, so?” asked Applejack, not following.

“But Dash wasn’t Rarity’s real choice,” continued Pinkie.

“Pinkie, I hardly think this is important right now,” said Rarity loudly, trying to end the conversation. Applejack gave her a stern glance and she went quiet.

“She really wanted to pick Twilight,” continued Pinkie. “She promised she would pick Twilight. But she didn’t because she didn’t want to have to be the one to make the choice. She did the most selfish thing I can think of. And she wasn’t generous.”

“Is that true,” snarled Applejack, turning on Rarity. The white unicorn shrunk away, first trying to put on an unconvincing smile of innocence then cowering backwards like a little foal as Applejack bore down on her. “Did y’all pick Dash just so you wouldn’t have to be the one to choose? Do you have any idea what I went through? What that choice did to me?”

“I… I…” Rarity’s words seemed to fail her.

“There’s more!” shouted Pinkie. Applejack turned her attention away from Rarity, but the look in her eyes said they weren’t done with this yet. “When we were out looking for Twilight Dash, Fluttershy started shouting at everypony. I’ve never seen her so angry… actually, I’ve never seen her angry before.” All heads turned towards Fluttershy, she glared back defiantly.

“So what if I got a little upset!” snapped Fluttershy. “I just wanted them to give Rainbow some space, so she wouldn’t panic.”

“And worst of all, I haven’t felt like laughing,” continued Pinkie. “Not even a chuckle or a giggle.”

“So what?” said Dash bitterly. “What does it matter? What does any of it matter now… Without Twilight, the elements don’t mean anything. Without Twilight…” She broke off into silence, looking away from her friends. Fluttershy wrapped her forelegs around Dash protectively.

“I agree with Dash, so what?” said Fluttershy, there was anger in her words. “Who cares if three of the elements have stumbled a little? Is that really something to get so worked up about right now? Can’t you see what this is doing to Dash?”

“It’s not just you three,” said Applejack looking away from her friends. Everypony turned to stare at her. “I lied to Twilight. I told her that I didn’t blame her for what happened. I think what she did was brave, I really do. I know she tried her best to fix this mess, but she’s really just made it so much worse. And I do blame her for the way things have gotten.”

Pinkie turned to Dash and stared at her.

“What?” asked Dash uncomfortably. Fluttershy held her tighter as if trying to shield her from the wrath of accusation that was about to fall upon her.

“Twilight gave her life for you,” said Pinkie. “You said so.”

“You don’t think I know that!” shouted Dash, feeling anger rising to her face. “You think I wanted her to do that?”

“She did the most loyal thing anypony could do,” whispered Pinkie, she looked Dash in the eyes. “Which means…” Pinkie turned away abruptly before trotting over to a table near the corner. “Dash, can you levitate this?” Pinkie was pointing at a bowl on the table.

Dash’s eyes widened at the odd request. It took her a moment to remember that she had a unicorn horn and thus could perform magic. But she didn’t know the first thing about magic. Having a horn didn’t mean one instantly knew spells. After all Twilight had studied all her life…

The strangest sensation rolled through Dash’s thoughts. Levitation, she knew levitation. There it was in her minds eye, the principles, the theories, the practicalities. It was like she had studied it all her life.

“Pinkie!” said Fluttershy sharply. “Would you just let it go!”

“No,” said Dash, putting a gentle hoof on Fluttershy’s foreleg. “I guess I could try.”

Try was the wrong word. She hardly even had to think it. The magic flowed through her horn with a warm tingling sensation and she lifted the bowl easily. Dash felt a little surprised at how easy it came to her. Unicorns made levitation look effortless, and it really was. Dash just didn’t understand why.

“What about teleporting,” demanded Pinkie, pointing at a spot on the ground beside her.

“I don’t see the point in…” complained Dash, not wanting to do this anymore, she didn’t like the way it was making her feel. Pinkie pointed at the spot again, glaring at Dash. “Ugh-okay, sure, whatever.”

She coaxed Fluttershy to release her from the protective embrace, giving her a strained smile. Reluctantly Fluttershy let go of Dash.

Levitation had been one thing but teleporting that was… With a pop and flash Dash slipped through the fabric of reality as easily as one might dive into a pool of water. Dash reappeared next to Pinkie with a surprised expression on her face.

“Our traits are faltering,” said Pinkie seriously. “Just like they did when Discord tricked us into betraying them. But not yours, yours has changed. You’re not loyalty anymore. You’re…”

“Magic…” whispered Dash. She sat back on her haunches, completely flabbergasted at the realization.

“Wait, how is that even possible?” asked Applejack. Pinkie shrugged.

“I have no idea,” answered the pink pony. “I don’t understand why stuff happens, I just know it does.”

“I think I need to go check out a book,” said Dash, pushing herself back to her feet.

The hospital staff would have been less than happy to find out that their most high profile patient had once more snuck out. They would have been even less happy if they had found out that her friends had encouraged it. However, the nurse waiting at the door had seen nopony leave, even if the room had become very quiet behind her.

They were not three stories up this time. The waiting room was on ground level and utilizing the window for escape had been fairly straightforward, with only Fluttershy taking a little tumble out of it when she had climbed down rather than use her wings.

With the search over, Ponyville was peaceful and calm once again. The windows of the houses were dark and everypony had gone back to their homes for sleep. Only the glow of the full moon, just now starting to rise, gave any light to the darkness of the night.

Dash gazed at the moon for a long moment and a strange thought occurred to her.

“Where did Celestia go?” whispered Dash.

“Back to Canterlot,” answered Applejack. “Right when the search started she said she had to go. She didn’t say why.” Dash wondered what could be so important that her mentor would abandon searching for her.

What would Celestia do when she returned? Would she try and put Dash back the way she had once been, or leave her in this body? Dash shook her head again. She didn’t want to think about that either.

The library tree came into view in front of them. This place seemed inescapable. Dash had mixed feelings about the building. One part of her called it home. It stood for everything she loved in Ponyville. Another part of her remembered it as the place where she had taken her last breath as Rainbow Dash. She felt a cold shiver run up her spine as they neared their destination.

The front door was still ajar and the downstairs was completely dark. As they entered the lower room, the candles flickered to life. It took Dash a moment to realize that it had been her that had done it. She hadn’t even had to think about the spell this time, like it was almost automatic.

The downstairs was in ruins. Torn pages from countless books littered the floor. The splintered table sat sadly at the center of the destruction. It broke her heart to see the room in the shape it was.

“Spike!” shouted Dash, causing everypony to jump.

“Dang it Dash,” cried Applejack. “You nearly gave me a heart attack!”

Hurried footsteps echoed from the next room. The small baby dragon named Spike sprinted out before them. He stared up at the five ponies gathered in the library.

“You’re back…” he said, his eyes watering. He rushed forward, his tiny arms wrapped around Dash’s leg in a hug. “When they took you away… I…”

“Spike,” repeated Dash, much more softly this time. Spike’s eyes widened a little and he let go.

“Twilight, what’s wrong with your voice?” asked Spike. Dash felt a little stab of pain in her heart.

“Spike…” whispered Rarity. “That isn’t…”

“It’s nothing,” interrupted Dash. “We’re in a hurry and I need my number one assistant right now, can you help, it’s really super important.” Spike saluted.

“Of course,” said Spike, with sort of an odd look on his face. “Should I make a checklist?”

“No, we don’t have time,” said Dash. Spike’s eyes went even wider.

“We… don’t… have… time? For a checklist?” cried Spike. “Twilight, are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, I’m totally fine,” lied Dash. “I need the book The Mysteries of Magic, I also need…” she began to list off spell components.

“Are you sure you don’t want a checklist?” asked Spike. Dash glared at him. “Alright, alright!”

In only a few moments Dash had the book in hoof, she propped it open on the floor, turning the pages to a drawing of several inlayed circles and crisscrossing lines. Using the chalk that Spike had brought back on his second round trip, Dash began to trace the pattern onto the floor. She used her magic to clear away debris while holding the drawing implement in her mouth.

“Are you sure that book is such a good idea?” asked Fluttershy. “Spike said it was in the dangerous spellcraft section.”

“I know,” said Dash. “I told him to put it there so nopony would check it out by mistake, thinking it was The Magic of Mysteries.” Rarity blushed a little.

“Hold on,” said Applejack. “You told him to put it there?” Dash nodded, causing the careful line she was drawing to smudge a little. She wiped away the mistake with a feathered wing. “Since when do you file books in the library?”

“Since I…” said Dash. She paused, her concentration broken by the question. She… she never sorted books in the library, that was a job for eggheads like Twi… Dash shook her head again. When had she told Spike that? “I don’t remember.”

“Part of Twilight is still in there, isn’t she?” asked Applejack.

“Yes,” said Dash after a long moment. “Something she gave me, to keep safe…”

“Her life,” whispered Applejack. “That’s what she told me when we were in that dream-place.”

“Part of her is still here,” said Dash, tapping her temple. “Not like another voice or another mind, not like it was before. It’s kind of like this library.” She waved a hoof at the room. “You can see all her things, and they tell you about her, but they aren’t her, she isn’t here. But I think I can bring her back.” Dash went back down to continue her work. “I know I can…”

“Dash,” asked Rarity. Since they had left the hospital she had been the quietest and Applejack kept giving her dirty looks whenever she made any noise. Applejack glared at her now, but Rarity continued with her question. “You said Twilight was gone. You said she…” Rarity paused a long time at the word. “You said she died for you.” Dash winced, but said nothing.

“What are you trying to do here?” pressed Rarity. “You know as well as I do, that there are some things magic simply can’t do. If she really is… dead… Dash, there is no spell or power in all the world that can undo that.”

Dash halted her drawing once again and Rarity went quiet.

“I don’t have time to explain,” said Dash looking away from her friends. “And this will go faster if you all help. Applejack, can you give me a hoof with drawing this? Fluttershy, Rarity, I need you to start work on those jars that Spike is bringing up.” She indicated the small pile of multi colored jars that Spike was hauling out of the basement two at a time. “Pinkie you, just, uh, I don’t know, do something…”

All of the ponies busied themselves with their tasks and the talking fell to a minimum. Spike kept reappearing with the things Dash had asked for. Every now and then he had to ask what was next but otherwise the room was silent with the toil of work.

The drawing was huge, taking up nearly the entire floor. The ruined table had been pushed aside and the ground cleared of stray pages, by Pinkie Pie who was busily matching them back to their books, with surprising accuracy.

All around the outside of the circle were tiny bottles of different sizes. They too had small little pictures on them. Dash helped prepare the last few.

“That should be the last of them,” said Dash, doing one last count of the jars. In all, there were forty two bottles evenly spaced around six concentric circles and a multitude of crisscrossing lines that comprised the intricate pattern.

“Alright,” said Dash, a quick flap of her wings brought her to the center of the symbol on the ground. “Stand back!” Her friends moved clear, as did Spike. “I’ll be back as quick as I can. Wish me luck.” Her horn began to glow, and the tiny glass jars all around the room vibrated with her magical energy. The chalk lines blazed with colored light, streaming out from Dash.

“Woah, hold on just a minute,” shouted Applejack. She leapt the lines and landed right beside Dash. “Where do you think you’re going?” The magic pouring out of Dash did not stop.

“Applejack!” shouted Dash. “What’re you doing! You need to stay clear!”

“Did you think we would let you do this all alone?” asked Rarity as she trotted up to Dash’s other side, carefully stepping over each line. The magic intensified. Dash couldn’t halt the spell, not now that it was started. She knew what would happen if she did, it might rip a hole in the earth large enough to engulf all of Ponyville.

“We’re all in this together,” said Fluttershy, landing softly behind Dash.

“I want to go into the dream-thingy too this time!” cried Pinkie as she hop-scotched across the glowing lines of white fire to land in front of Dash.

“We aren’t going to the dream-space,” said Dash. A vortex of rainbow light rose up around them, engulfing the five ponies. “We’re going into death. We’re going to get Twilight.”