“Excuse me?” Fireheart said incredulously.

“You heard me. A battle of insults. They don’t want us hurting each other physically, so this seems like the best way to settle our little conflict,” Eventide explained. “The loser must do as the winner requests.”

Fireheart grunted. “Fine, whatever! What are the rules?”

Eventide replied, “Rule one: We can’t use racial slurs. Rule two: You lose if you in any way repeat any insult that has already been spoken. Wording matters; I can call you an ape, but you can call me a gorilla without losing. Rule three: You win if the other concedes. Rule four: You lose if you walk away before the other person concedes, which even includes merely stepping away from your line.”

After her explanation, Eventide inhaled slowly, laying a hand over her ribs. Her grandfather stepped toward her, earning him a scornful glare. He stepped back, giving her a worried look.

“Do not worry, Cernunnos,” Brynjar said. “Your granddaughter’s ribs are not broken, only badly bruised. She may be in pain, but she will heal in time.”

“Let’s get on with this,” Fireheart said impatiently. “You go first. I doubt you’ll win.”

Nodding, Eventide cleared her throat. Her eyes locked with Fireheart’s, and the two stood silently for a few moments. The cold air did little to assure Fireheart of what she thought would be a quick and easy victory. Hearing dogs barking off in the distance, Eventide shook her head. Looking down, she collected her thoughts, listening to the sounds of the small town.

“You, Fireheart,” Eventide began, looking back up, “have all the manners of an ape.”

“Yeah, well, you’re a gorilla!” Fireheart shot back immediately.

“Wow, you’re predictable,” Eventide said, rolling her eyes. “You don’t have much of an eye for strategy, do you, you dullard?”

“Pssh, who needs strategy?” Fireheart said dismissively. “We’re just throwing shit at each other, and since this was your idea, you’re more a monkey than me, you chimp.”

Hearing her grandfather laugh, Eventide turned her attention to him, giving him a deadpan look. Her look turned into a glare as she heard Brynjar also chuckle. Fireheart stomped her foot impatiently, causing all three to turn their attention back to her.

“Well, Fireheart,” Eventide began, “that was...pretty boring. Especially after your last insult. If all you have are primate-based insults, I suggest giving up now. This kind of match isn’t for simpletons like you.”

“I’ve got way more than that, you self-righteous bitch!” Fireheart screamed out.

“Hey, something different,” Eventide praised mockingly. “Miracles do happen. But keep it down, okay? You sound like a cat being humped by a love-sick dog.”

“I’ll talk however loudly I want, you bossy bag of shit! You’re a bigger insult to the sense, anyway; you reek like a trash heap. When was your last shower?”

“My body is clean. It’s your mouth that needs the soap,” Eventide replied. She quickly looked toward Brynjar as an idea came to her. She quickly blurted out, “And your father, too. He looks like an unkempt beast.”

Fireheart stomped her foot and glared at her father, who did nothing in response to the insult. “Dad, why would you let her say that to you?!”

“Why? What did I call him?” Eventide asked innocently.

“You called him a—” Fireheart cut herself off, shooting a glare at Eventide. “Oh, you pig-faced, nut-sack licker. You almost had me, you shady skunk!”

“Why, thank you, but you really should work on your insults, you beef-headed dumbass.”

Fireheart began thinking of a rebuttal, but a gust of wind passed over the group. Rubbing her hands over her upper forearms, Fireheart’s teeth chattered in the cold, night air, trying to think straight through the cold. Feeling cold himself, Brynjar called out, “Girls, it's colder than Hela’s snow-filled tits out here. We need to take this inside. Otherwise, you’ll both wind up sicker than a wet dog in a spin cycle.”

“If we head inside, then no one wins this match. I, for one, don’t find it cold at all. In fact, it feels rather nice out here. What's the temp, anyway?” Eventide asked.

Brynjar quickly checked his phone, “Two degrees Fahrenheit, with a wind chill of negative four. You both need to end this so we can get inside and get warm.”

“See, like I said,” Eventide injected, “it’s not that cold. Now, if your daughter would stop her teeth from chattering, maybe she’ll be able to concentrate and get this show back on the road. Hurry up, you dim-witted tortoise.”

“Slow and steady wins the race, asshole!” Fireheart snapped. “Or do you not care for fables, you uncultured hog?”

“That’s rich. You’ve acted like a vulgar barbarian ever since you crashed into the house like a buffalo.”

“Well, that’s pretty good, seeing as how we took you in, fed you, clothed you, and healed your wounds, you ass-backward shaft-lover.”

Eventide immediately barked a harsh, sarcastic laugh, giving Fireheart a cold, dark stare. “Don’t try to guilt me, you cock-sucking, dizzy-eyed shit-heel!” Eventide spat back “You haven’t fed me or clothed me, you dull-brained twit!”

“Well, we still took you in and healed you. You could at least be grateful for that, you ass-sniffing waffle iron!”

“Your father took me in and treated me. You didn’t do anything but yell at me and pick a fight, you absent-minded cuckquean!”

Looking to his friend, Brynjar shook his head, receiving a sigh and a nod from Cernunnos. Cernunnos clapped his hands together loudly, catching everyone’s attention.

“Alright, that’s it, girls. It’s colder than Niflheim, and I, for one, want to go in. So, if you two want to continue this, you’ll have to do it inside.” Receiving angry looks from both girls, Cernunnos quirked an eyebrow, adding, “If you both don’t head inside this instant, I’ll pick you both up and carry you inside.”

Whirling on her grandfather, Eventide bitterly replied, “Grandfather, your honor will be forsaken if you do that to either of us.”

“I have been in this type of match before,” Cernunnos remarked. “I can see this means a lot to you both, moreso to you, Eventide, but there is nothing in the rules that forces you both to freeze to death, nor is there any statement given in the rules that won’t allow you both to step away at the same time.”

Both girls gave the other a passing glance. Each looked to her respective elder, each earning a worried and stern look. Finally, Fireheart said, “They’re right. If we stay out here any longer, we’ll turn into popsicles. I want to finish this inside.” Letting out a long sigh, she added, “So, with that in mind, I suggest we both count to three, and on three, we both step off our line.”

Eventide grunted, replying, “Fine. We’ll both step away from our lines at the count of three.” Locking eyes with Fireheart, both girls breathed slowly and counted together. On three, the two stepped back simultaneously, and the group began walking inside into the living room, Brynjar showed Cernunnos his watch with a sigh. Cernunnos himself squeezed his eyes shut, gritting his teeth in irritation when he checked it; it was eight thirty-six in the evening.

Eventide sat in the recliner she had occupied earlier, watching as Fireheart took a seat across from her. After sharing a nod, Eventide looked to her grandfather, who rolled his eyes and motioned with his hand for them to continue the match as the men took a seat across from each other, completing a makeshift square.

“So, Eventide,” Fireheart began, “did your mother fuck a stray dog to give birth to such a mangy, dog-faced mongrel like yourself?”

“No, she didn’t, but I can see your mother gave birth to a dishonorable, flap-eared animal, you skinny, tiny-brained gargoyle.”

Looking down, a look of hurt etched across Fireheart’s face before snapping her heated gaze back at Eventide. “My mother was a saint, unlike the whore-riding junky that shat you out, you hideous wart pile!”

Eventide chuckled at the barb, fueling Fireheart’s rage. Taking a breath, Eventide looked toward the fireplace. “The fire is getting low. How about you get up off your fat pudgy ass, you foul-mouthed buffoon, and put some more wood on it so your guests don’t get cold. Or are you really so discourteous that you don’t care about your guests as much as you claim to?”

“How dare you boss me around in my own home, you dick-jumping worm! Go fetch the fucking firewood yourself!”

Sighing, Eventide sighed before turning her attention towards Brynjar. “Hey, Brynjar, why don’t you tell this wiry-haired brute she should mind her volume rather than yelling like a banshee.”

“Stop getting our parents involved in this, you fat cow-licker!” Fireheart spat. “I thought this was supposed to be between us, you horse-fucking dickbag.”

“What can I say? Half the fun is in riling up your opponent.”

“Fine, then, you pompous, incompetent, bug-chewing slut!” Getting no reaction, Fireheart added, “You nose-picking sludge-pile.” Watching Eventide simply grin at the insults, Fireheart snapped, “Oh, come on, you shit-tossing, whiny idiot. Something I’ve said had to have pissed you off by now!”

“I’m sorry to disappoint you, my dear Fireheart, but nothing you have said so far has offended me, you lily-livered fool!” Stretching, Eventide added, “Wake up and smell the coffee, you motley-minded imbecile. I’ve done this a lot more times than you have, you loathsome, idiot-worshiping shrew. It’ll take a lot more than that to get to me!”

Fireheart tried to calm herself enough to think of something that hasn’t already been said. She looked Eventide over, noticing that she was leaning onto her right side. “What’s wrong, you rust-minded wuss? Too pussy to handle the pain on your left?”

Eventide rolled her eyes again. “Mind your own business, you nagging gossip.”

Once more, Brynjar looked at his watch, seeing it was nine in the evening. Almost pleadingly, he said, “Fireheart, can we wrap this up? You need to get up for school tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow’s Saturday, Dad. I don’t have school,” Fireheart said bitterly, snapping her attention back to Eventide. “And you showing up here made your pain my business, you ugly, rotten lump of chicken shit!”

“I didn’t show up here for you! Stop acting like you’re some saint just because your dad looked me over,” Eventide snapped. “But, since we’re talking about appearances, you’re thin as a reed. You clearly need some fattening up, you stupid, gangly-armed twig!”

Looking down at herself, Fireheart’s jaw trembled with rage. Trying to hide her hurt feelings, she glared at Eventide and blurted, “Fuck you, Eventide, you drug-loving cocksucker.”

“Really? Is that what I am?” Eventide replied snidely, lightly clapping her hands together with a smirk. “Well, you are a spindly, bullheaded parasite.”

“Talk about the pot calling the kettle black!” Fireheart exclaimed. “What about you and your bastard grandfather? Why did you fuckers even come here, you ill-bred sow! All you’ve done is act like you own the place! You never even thanked my dad for looking after you, you ungrateful shit! You’re not even good enough to lick the shit off my boots!”

“Why must you insist on acting like a senseless subhuman, you eyesore? I swear, you are, by far, the most sanctimonious, shrill-tongued, wishy washy woman I have ever met.”

“You are a degenerate whose only birth certificate was an apology from the condom factory." Fireheart’s snapped. “Your father must have had a hideous micro-dick, and your mother probably had polyps. Why’d they let you stay in this country, let alone in this town?”

Laughing, Eventide turned away, spotting an owl on the windowsill. She pointed to it, but it flew away before Fireheart could see it. Fireheart turned to her, raising her eyebrow.

“I saw a great horned owl, spirit animal of Frigga, goddess of wisdom and war, among other things,” Eventide said. “But you missed it. I guess we know which of us really lacks wisdom, now.”

“Oh, yeah, right! There was no owl, you lying cockroach! You’re just trying to pull a fast one on me!”

“Whatever. What did you say about my parents? I was distracted by the owl.”

“Oh, like I’ll fall for that! I wasn’t born yesterday!”

“Could’ve fooled me, with how your acting, you stuttering tramp. Oh, and let’s keep our mothers out of this from now on.”

“You don’t get to say that, you hypocritical skank! You started this when you brought my father into it!”

“And I recall you telling me to keep our parents out of it, you misty-headed, uneducated goldfish.”

“Unlike you, I do have an education, you unsightly goblin-fucker.”

Grinning, Eventide stretched and playfully yawned, taking her time to stoke the fire herself and let its warmth envelop her. Finally, she turned to Fireheart, who sat impatiently waiting for Eventide to say something. With one last breath and playful yawn, Eventide finally spoke. “Far be it from me to say this, but I can see the gods made a mistake when they brought you into Midgard.” Eventide leaned in, grinning like a Cheshire cat. “You’re nothing more than a dumb, white-livered, inbred tadpole.”

Fireheart slammed the arm of the chair. “Fuck off, Eventide! You don’t shit about me or what I have been through, you empty-headed, cum-drinking, ball-sucking, holier-than-thou whore!”

Unfazed, Eventide replied, “It’s true. I know nothing about you, and I’m getting tired, so I have only one last thing to say to you, Fireheart.” She locked cool eyes with Fireheart’s enraged ones, watching as Fireheart braced herself. “Moo.”

Blinking a few times, Fireheart looked dumbfounded at Eventide. She looked to her father, then to Cernunnos before shaking her head a few times. “‘Moo’?” she finally repeated. “What the fuck does that mean?”

“It means that you just lost the match,” Eventide replied, grinning widely. Seeing a confused look etched on Fireheart’s face, Eventide explained, “Rule two, you lose if you in any way repeat an insult previously spoken. I was calling you a cow, albeit in a roundabout way. It was an insult.”

Her eyes widening in rage, Fireheart leapt to her feet and screamed, “That’s bullshit!”

“You made a fair bet and lost. Now, you must honor your word.”

Fireheart gritted her teeth. “What do you want me to do?” she asked reluctantly.

“Tomorrow morning, you’re going to burn nine mugworts, nine plantains, nine watercress, nine viper's buglosses, nine chamomiles, nine nettles, nine sweet cicely, nine fennel, and nine crabapples, followed by lighting nine black candles and placing nine spears against nine ash trees and offering Odin nine loafs of bread, nine blocks of cheese, nine chalices of mead, and finally, nine slabs of meat.”

“You’re kidding, right?” Fireheart replied incredulously, quickly earning herself a very dark glare from Eventide. Fireheart clenched her teeth. “Why the fuck do I have to do all that?!”

Turning her attention to Brynjar, Eventide spat out in rage, “Have you taught her nothing! What type of a warrior are you, you who allows your daughter to wear a Gjalpar skær around her brow yet teaches her nothing of where she comes from or who her people are?!”

“Don’t you take that tone with me!” Brynjar snapped. Calming himself, he sighed, continuing, “I have done what I can to teach her, but like Fireheart said, you know nothing about our lives.” Brynjar turned to Fireheart, “However, Eventide’s right. You agreed to do as she asked if you lost, and you have. I expect you to keep your word.”

Fireheart’s defiance fell. “Yes, Dad,” she muttered, sighing.

“Don’t worry, Fireheart,” Eventide said. “I, too, must offer you and your father my most sincere apology for how I have acted tonight, both in my ungratefulness for his hospitality and for stepping out of line. So, tomorrow, I’ll wake you up early in the morning and join you in offering sacrifice to Odin before offering my service to you and your father to make up for my behavior.” Eventide stood up slowly. “Besides, if I join you, I can tell you some stories about Odin while we’re working. Maybe it’ll make things more enjoyable for you if you learn exactly why we’re doing it.” Eventide’s words broke off with a yawn. “For now, though, let’s go to bed; we have a big morning tomorrow.”

“Feel free to stay here for the night,” Brynjar said. “Cernunnos, you can stay in the guest room. Eventide, you can sleep in Fireheart’s room.” He gave a relieved sigh when Fireheart didn’t raise any protest and led Cernunnos to his guest room while Fireheart led Eventide to her own room.

Wanting to break the tension, Eventide said, “So, uh, Fireheart, can you tell me what you were so excited about earlier tonight when you burst into the room?”

“Dad told me a lot of stories about Vinr. I never thought I would actually get to meet him in person,” Fireheart answered simply. With that, they entered Fireheart’s room, and Eventide took in the sight when Fireheart turned on the light.

Fireheart’s bedroom walls were filled with posters of all sorts of music bands. A guitar hung on the right wall, and dirty boots sat in a nearby corner next to a redwood dresser standing near a bunk bed. Clothes were scattered all over the floor, giving the room a lived-in, albeit messy, atmosphere. Numerous photos were atop the dresser, and as Eventide picked up a photo of an unfamiliar man to examine it, Fireheart explained, “That’s my grandfather, your grandfather's schoolmate.”

Nodding, Eventide put the photo down and looked around, spying a photo sticking out from under a pile of socks and pants. She picked it up and looked it over. The photo showed a girl with long, blue, green, and red hair with deep, ocean-grey eyes and pale skin holding a little girl who looked very much like Fireheart. “Who’s this?” she asked.

Suddenly, Fireheart snatched the picture from her hand and slammed it face-down on her dresser. Looking away, she said, “That’s my older sister Braveheart. We don’t speak of her in this household.”

“But, why?” Eventide asked, surprised. “What could she have done to—"

“I said we don’t talk about her!” Fireheart snapped, her voice wavering.

Startled, Eventide nodded. “I understand.” Deciding to quickly change the subject, she asked. “Do you have anything I can wear to bed?”

“Y-Yeah. Yeah, I do,” Fireheart stammered, gladly accepting the shift in topic as she started rifling through the piles of clothes. “I’m sure I’ve got something around that might fit y—” She cut herself off when she felt a hand rest on her shoulder. Turning around, she said, “What are you doing?”

“You miss her, don’t you?” Eventide asked gently, quickly interrupting when Fireheart opened her mouth angrily. “I know what you said, but I can’t let it go. I heard your voice crack.”

“Oh, what would you know?” Fireheart snapped, but she looked away, blinking rapidly as her breathing started shuddering. Slowly, her face scrunched up as tears started falling, and though she rapidly rubbed her eyes, she knew she couldn’t hide it anymore. She surrendered and began quietly crying as Eventide wrapped an arm around her in comfort. It wasn’t long before her crying slowed, but Eventide could tell from Fireheart’s content sigh that the cry was very much needed. “I can’t tell you about her here,” Fireheart said finally after several deep breaths. “I’ll tell you while we’re out tomorrow.”

Eventide nodded, satisfied, and the two changed and climbed into bed, clutching together to ward off any chill the blankets didn’t stave off, and it wasn’t long before they fell into a restful sleep.

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