I made it to the Carousel Boutique just in time for my appointment with Rarity. She had prepared, it seemed, putting on a lavish dress and setting out tea and a plate of snacks for us.

Pinkie Pie was right: she is a very pretty capitalist swine.

As we sat down and began our interview, I decided to focus on the fact that she owned a business.

“So, Rarity, I want to know about your political views. Let’s start with how you view politics in relation to your job as a businesspony and a designer.”

“Well, darling, first I have to thank you tremendously for thinking of me. I always appreciate the chance to let my views be heard. It’s quite an honor.”

Oh, she was good. A polished and posh pony who knew how to deliver and to play the angle.

“To be honest, all of these taxes and regulations are absolutely destroying my business! I thought it was bad here in Ponyville, but with my new shops in Canterlot and Manehattan, now I truly understand! I’ll be voting for pro-business candidates in the next local election, so I can use the money I no longer lose to expand my business, hire ponies, and just generally allow my creative juices to flow.”

“And what do you think about, say, public parks?”

“Oh, I do so adore them! They are so aesthetically pleasing. We need more green space in town…so many of these buildings are an eyesore. Speaking of parks, have you seen the statue on our town’s fountain? It’s exquisitely crafted!”

“I can’t say that I have. What about some other locally-funded initiatives, like public schools?”

“Oh, I am a huge advocate for public education. The system treated me so very well, and now that my sister is in school I want the system to be the best it can be. I do think the local school here needs more funding; poor Cheerilee is so overworked, teaching all those foals!

I was noticing some contradictions, and raised an eyebrow.

“And funding for the arts?”

“So important, darling! Many a culturally relevant avant garde artist has gotten their start that way. Besides, what would I do on my Wednesday evenings if there wasn’t a free concert or recital downtown?”

“…And you know that all of those things are at least partially funded by taxes on businesses, right?”

Rarity sat back, cocking an eyebrow.

“I just want to pay lower taxes. I’m sure some bright, young, enterprising pony can find out a way to make up the loss elsewhere.”

“But isn’t it unfair to force only other ponies to pay taxes for services that only ponies like you use and appreciate?”

“…Get out of my boutique, darling.”

BONUS: Starlight Glimmer- The Unopinionated Voter

On the way back to the train station, I ran into Spike who was off walking with Starlight Glimmer, an ex-villain that Twilight Sparkle and her friends had convinced to change. She (very reluctantly) agreed to a brief interview.

“So, Starlight Glimmer, what are your political views?”

“Well, you know my past. I was so fanatically in favor of forced social equality that I brainwashed an entire town of ponies and almost destroyed space-time in an act of blind revenge.”

“I uh…didn’t quite know all of that.”

Starlight Glimmer let out a very disappointed sigh.

“Of course you didn’t.”

“Do you still believe in social equality, but to a lesser extent?”

“No. Well, I don’t know, to be honest. I’ve stopped putting any faith in ideology. After becoming a tyrant, I recognized that nopony is good enough to lead anypony else. We’re all terrible. Why even vote? We should be making the world a better place with kindness and friendship, not policies.”

“So will you be voting next month?”

Starlight shook her head.

“Not a chance. It wouldn’t change a thing, anyway.”

At that moment, a train whistle cut through the air, and I bid a hasty farewell, retreating to the station.

I had been given a lot to think about on the train ride back to Canterlot and the CNN headquarters.

Equestrian Unity

My interviews with our national heroes were very telling. I learned at least three different things from my interviews with Twilight Sparkle and her friends. All three will deeply impact the way that I view politics in Equestria.

First, there are a great deal of various political views held in our great country. Some are steeped in tradition, while others radically embrace democracy. Others have great faith in government, while others have no faith at all. Some want to keep their money; others think it would do better in the hooves of the government.

Second, there is a deep-seated dissatisfaction with things as they are in Equestria. Everypony I spoke to wanted to radically change the way politics works. Ultimately, we need to always be pressing forward in politics, and never staying stagnant.

Finally, politics is not everything. Twilight Sparkle and her friends may all have opposing views on how things should be run, who should hold power, and whether voting is even worth it. However, at the end of the day, they are still just that: friends. These titans of history would bicker if we put them in the same room, but they would even sooner unite for the good of Equestria.

The real politics of Equestria is friendship. If that conclusion doesn’t get me a Pulitzer, I don’t know what will.

NOTE: As of Press Time on Saturday the 20th, Breaking Scoop is unable to respond to inquiries or make corrections due to being detained in Ponyville Castle on unknown charges. When asked about his status, Princess Twilight Sparkle replied, “His status is none of your beeswax, but I have plenty of dungeon space.” When asked if that was a threat, Princess Twilight responded by claiming that she was merely boasting about the great size of the castle’s dungeon.

Princess Celestia returned no comment to our questions, but later released a statement saying, in part, that “The matter is being handled internally.”