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Duelists of the Autumn Crown

by DrakeyC

Chapter 24: Duelists of the Autumn Crown Abridged

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Duelists of the Crown Autumn Abridged

“AAAAAAAAAAH!!!”

Spike put a paw on Twilight’s leg. “What’s wrong, Twilight? Are you screaming because you’ve been turned into a strange two-legged being with hands?”

Twilight shook her head and gestured to her arm. “No, I’m screaming because I’m wearing a duel disk! That must mean I’ve been transported into a Yu-Gi-Oh crossover!” She stood up and stared at the offending device strapped to her forearm. “Now the fate of the world depends on if I can defeat Sunset Shimmer in a children’s card game.”

“Twilight, we don’t know Sunset wants to take over the world.”

“Clearly you don’t understand how this franchise works.” Twilight looked down at Spike. “Also, you’re a dog.”

“I know.” Spike shrugged and scratched his ear.

“You seem to be taking it well considering it’s a downgrade. You don’t have opposable thumbs, the ability to walk upright, and you have to deal with shedding.”

“On the other hand, now I get to lick myself in public.”

“I never saw the appeal in that… why are you looking at me that way?”


Flash Sentry waved eagerly. “Hi, I’m in this story!”

Twilight waved back. “Good for you.”


“I come from another dimension where I’m a talking purple unicorn – alicorn now, actually – and my five friends and I have magical necklaces – well, they have necklaces, I have a crown, because I’m a princess – that are critical to the national security of our country. One of the students here, who is also a talking unicorn from my dimension, stole my crown and brought it to this world, ostensibly to use its magic for dark purposes, probably related to what is almost certainly her unfeasibly high level of skill in children’s card games. So, if you could kindly give the crown back to me, I’ll be on my way and you can call the police on her or banish her to the moon or whatever it is you beings do with criminals here.”

Twilight stopped and held out her hands expectantly.

Principal Celestia stared at her.

After several seconds of silence, Twilight flexed her fingers. “This is the part where you give me my crown. Please.”

Celestia calmly reached over to her phone, put the receiver to her ear, and pressed a button. “Kibitz, please alert the nurse we have a student in my office that is experiencing severe hallucinations. She’ll require a sedative promptly.”

“Twilight’s not hallucinating!” Spike jumped up on the desk and glared at Celestia. “She’s telling the truth!”

“…bring one for me, too, please.”

“Fine, fine, I’ll handle it myself!” Twilight huffed and grabbed Spike before marching to the door. “No wonder Equestria has so many enemies if this is how you handle diplomacy with foreign leaders.”


“So, if you could kindly sign me up for the tournament, I’ll win my crown back and be on my way and you can call the police on her or banish her to the moon or whatever it is you beings do with criminals here.”

“Makes sense to me!” Pinkie said cheerily. “Does your mom make you special cupcakes too?”

“No.”

“Oh. I’d go to a doctor if I were you.” Pinkie turned to her computer and clicked a few times, then reached into her backpack. “Okay, all signed up for the tournament, and here you go!” She held a small booklet out to Twilight.

Twilight looked at the booklet. “What’s that?”

“A Yu-Gi-Oh rulebook.”

“What would I want that for?”

“So you can learn how to play the game!”

“Clearly you don’t understand how this franchise works.”


Twilight flipped through the rulebook and tossed it into a nearby trash can on the front steps of the school. “According to my speedread of the rulebook, this crossover will only feature Fusion Monsters, and not use Synchros, Xyzs, or Pendulums. It’s to make things more ‘accessible’.”

Spike nodded. “Good idea, we’re already catering to a pretty niche audience here.”

Twilight pressed a button on her duel disk and a holographic prompt appeared displaying lines of text. “The script says the plot doesn’t actually get going until tomorrow morning, which gives us enough time to pad things out and show off my deck by finding one of our friends to duel.”

Spike walked next to Twilight as she stood and headed back into the school. “How do you know there are more of our friends in this world? And how will you find them?

“I shall walk ten meters in a random direction and come across one of them by chance.”

“That sounds kinda like lazy writing.”

“It’s worked so far.” Twilight rounded the corner and pointed at Sunset glowering over Fluttershy. “See?”

Sunset’s head jerked up from Fluttershy. “I sense someone is anime-pointing at me.” She swiveled her head and glared at Twilight. “Who are you?”

Twilight looked down at herself, putting a hand on her skirt to pull it forward so she could clearly make out the pink star emblem on the purple fabric. She looked back at Sunset with a raised eyebrow. “Seriously?”

“Well, it doesn’t matter.” Sunset tossed her hair and proudly marched towards Twilight. “Just stay out of my way.”

Twilight put a hand out and grabbed Sunset’s arm as she passed. “I don’t think so! I’m here to face you in the tournament and beat you!”

Sunset snorted. “Please. Do you even know how to play Yu-Gi-Oh?”

“No, I do not!”

Sunset’s eyes narrowed. “I’m watching you.” She backed down the hall, not breaking eye contact until she was around the corner.

Twilight rolled her eyes and turned to wave at Fluttershy. “Hi!”

Fluttershy’s eyes widened. “Um, hi.”

“I’m Twilight!”

“I’m Fluttershy.”

“Wanna duel?”

“No.”

“Too bad, I’m the main character, you have no choice!” Twilight grabbed her wrist and pulled her down the hall.


Twilight grinned. “Since I just discarded a Harmony Spirit, the effect of Magnanimity activates, letting me draw a card.”

Fluttershy tilted her head. “But, with that effect, every card with a discard cost pays for itself.”

“That’s right.”

“That seems a bit overpowered.”

“Clearly you don’t understand how this franchise works.”


Fluttershy sighed and put a hand on the picture of her friends. “This game used to be about fun and making friends and bringing people together, but now it’s just a competition to see who’s the best.”

Twilight pursed her lip. “I’ve already used the ‘you don’t understand this franchise’ joke on you, so I’m going to forego a response to that and go back to the internet.” She swiveled in her chair and turned her attention back to Fluttershy’s computer. “Speaking of, do you really need bookmarks for all these porn sites?”

“I think it’s just that you logged into my brother’s account instead of mine.”

“That explains the anthro Rainbow Dash wallpaper.”

“…Nevermind.”


Twilight cracked her knuckles and grinned. “The first day of the tournament is here!”

Fluttershy nodded. “Are you worried if you’ll be good enough to make it to the finals?”

“No, I’m a main character, therefore I’m at least promised a spot in the top eight. And because I’m the main character, it’s a sure thing I’ll make it to the finals.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

“No.” Twilight smiled and gently patted Fluttershy on the head. “You shall now be my cheerleader, who shall have a worse win-loss record than me to make it seem like I’m a great duelist and shall give me words of encouragement between duels. Think you can handle that?”

Fluttershy nodded. “Sure, I do that for Rainbow Dash all the time!”

Flash Sentry waved eagerly. “I’m still in this story!”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Yes, good, because we’re all wondering what Flash Sentry is doing while I’m busy with plot things.”


Spike gaped. “Rarity is so hot!”

Twilight scrunched her face. “Spike, she’s a human, and you’re a dog. I will not even begin to get into how disgusting I find you right now. Also, let’s not think too hard about what that says about your crush on her back in Equestria.”


Twilight’s eyes lit up in purple light. “Main Character Powers activate! I summon all my Harmony Spirits at once and attack and destroy all of your monsters!”

Rarity let out an indignant huffed. “How did you do that?”

“Exactly.”

“…that makes no sense!”

“Clearly you don’t understand how this franchise works.”

Spike rolled his eyes. “Are you going to keep saying that?”

Twilight looked down at him. “Spike, I’m the main character in a Yu-Gi-Oh story. If I don’t push a catchphrase every time I duel, what are we even doing here?”


Sunset smirked. “You’ll never beat me, Twilight. I’m better than you in every way.”

“How so?”

“I’m smarter than you, I sing better than you, and I have a much cooler and sexier design!”

“All of those things are completely wrong!” Twilight glanced down from Sunset’s face and then back up. “At least two of those things are completely wrong!”

“I’m also better than you at Duel Monsters.”

“That is also completely wrong!”

“We’ll find out tomorrow, once we face each other in the finals.”

Spike looked up at Sunset. “That assumes you even make it to the finals.”

Sunset snorted. “Of course I will. I’m the main antagonist. That means Twilight and I will have to face each other in the finals.”

“She does understand how this franchise works.” Twilight narrowed her eyes. “Game on, you beautiful bitch.”


Snips and Snails held up their duel disks. “We’re evil now!” Snips called.

Twilight sighed. “I don’t care.”

“And we challenge you to a duel!” Snails added.

“I don’t care about that, either.”

Flash Sentry waved eagerly. “I’m still in this story!”

“We’re oh-for-three now on me caring.”

“You should care, because now I’m going to do something!” Flash stepped up beside Twilight and activated his duel disk.

Twilight frowned. “Flash, what are you doing?”

“Helping you.” Flash smiled at Twilight. “There’s no way you could beat them two-on-one!”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Even if I wasn’t a main character, it’s Snips and Snails, how bad could they be?”


Snips laughed and spread his hands. “I summon three monsters at once and raise their attack points to over 3000 each!”

Snails looked at his hand and scratched his head. “Um… I set a card and set a monster.”

“I’m not sure who’s more annoying, so I’m just going to kill both of you at once.” Twilight’s eyes lit up. “Main Character Powers activate! I summon a Fusion monster and use it to attack!”

Flash nodded. “And I activate my Spell card to raise its attack points so it can win the duel.” He grinned at Twilight. “I helped!”

“Your mother must be very proud of you.”

“…I hope so.” Flash sniffed and hung his head as he walked away.

Fluttershy ran over to Snips and Snails. “Twilight, I think you killed them.”

“Trust me, the world is a better place for their deaths.”

“We’re not dead!” Snails called out.

“Quiet, you’re ruining the moment.”


Rainbow growled. “I’m a competitive bitch!”

Applejack growled back. “Ah’m a competitive bitch, too!”

Sweetie Belle whimpered. “See what this game has done to them?”

“No.” Twilight shrugged. “Compared to Fall Weather Friends, this seems almost within reason. Let me know if one of them starts using evil magic; that I can help with.”


Trixie laughed and swept her arms across her field of monsters. “Behold, the Great and Powerful Trixie summons the Fanservice Magician Squad!” She grinned and pumped her fist. “With the power of fanboys on my side, there’s no way I can lose!”

“Unfortunately for you, Trixie, my monsters are anthropomorphized versions of the My Little Pony cast. Your advantage is robbed!” Twilight thrust her hand out. “Go, Fanservice Pony Squad! Wipe out her Life Points!”

Trixie fell to her knees as the holograms vanished. “I lost. I feel so pathetic.”

Twilight shook her head. “You didn’t even make me have to use my Main Character Powers. But Snips and Snails did. Go home and rethink your life, Trixie.”

Trixie stood up and tossed her hair. “You may have beaten me this time, Twilight, but once we adapt Rainbow Rocks, I shall have—” An electronic beeping filled the air. “Oh, excuse me.” Trixie pulled her phone out of her pocket, tapped it, and held it to her ear. “Go for Trixie… WHAT!?”


Rainbow Dash held her hand out over the table of the diner booth. “If we're gonna beat Sunset, we gotta be united in this!”

Applejack frowned. “You mean you want to duel her six-on-one?”

“No, I mean we all have to support and cheer for each other really hard! That way we’ll do better in our duels!”

“Makes sense to me!” Fluttershy said brightly.

Rarity looked at her phone. “I have to go, I have an appointment with a beautiful but devious evil mastermind in the parking lot in two minutes. Don’t wait up for me!”


Rarity looked around as she stood in front of her car door. “Where are you?! Show yourself!”

“Hello, Rarity.” Sunset stepped into the light of the streetlamp, sneering at her.

Rarity gasped. “Sunset Shimmer! I’ve been waiting for this day.”

“You have?”

“For the day you’d accost me in a parking lot and ravish me against the side of my car!”

Sunset’s sneer collapsed. “What?”

“Well, come on.” Rarity beckoned her forward. “Let’s not dally.”

“Rarity, I’m not here to ravish you. I’m here to infuse you with part of my evil magic so you can try to kill Twilight for me tomorrow.”

“If I do that, will you ravish me then?”

“…Sure.”


Rarity laughed, her eyes glowing. “Behold, I have been granted part of Sunset’s powers so I can kill Twilight Sparkle in a children’s card game! Also, my hair and clothing changed color now.”

Twilight snorted. “When I got infused with forbidden unknown magic, I grew wings. I’m not exactly impressed.”

“Oh yeah?” Rarity thrust out her hand, a Spell card glowing between her fingers. “I activate my Field Spell card, Advanced Dark!”

Twilight looked around as the ring of purple magic encircled them. “What does that do?”

“It makes all my monsters more evil.” Rarity held up another card. “So now I can summon my new ultimate card, Rainbow Darkness Bad Evil Mega Dragon of Evilness!”

Twilight looked up as the gigantic black and gold dragon loomed over her, and yawned. “I’m still not impressed. Main Character Powers activate!” Twilight put a hand over her deck. “I’ll show you a power stronger than anything Sunset could grant you.”

“Oh please, you mean ‘friendship’?” Rarity sneered.

“No – I mean shipping fodder!” Twilight pointed across the field. “Now watch as I use the card symbolizing Applejack to free you from Sunset’s evil influence!”

“But I look so sexy when I’m evil!” Rarity wailed as Honestas jumped up and clobbered her monster, shattering it.

“Once again, I have won.” Twilight folded her arms across her chest. “Now can I please duel Sunset and go home? I’m starting to get bored with all this winning… oh, who am I kidding, I’m not bored at all!”


“Now it’s time for me to duel Flash!” Sunset smirked as the dueling booths rose onto the field.

“Yay, I get to do something again!” Flash cheered.

“That’s right,” Sunset replied. “You get to lose to me in a humiliating fashion to make it obvious to everyone how badass and evil I am. Congratulations.”

“Oh no!” Fluttershy cupped her hands to her face. “If Sunset tries to use her magic, she could kill him!”

Twilight nodded. “I am very concerned about this.”

Applejack looked over at her. “Really?”

“Yes. If Sunset doesn’t use her magic, she’ll be fully rested when it’s time for us to duel.”

“But if she does use her magic, Flash might die!”

“Some sacrifices for the greater good are permissible.”


Sunset laughed. “I activate Infernal Tome and use it to Special Summon four Infernal Spirit monsters from my deck!”

Twilight gasped from the sidelines. “Wait a minute, did you just summon a bunch of monsters in one turn?”

Sunset looked down at her. “Yeah, so?”

“That’s against the rules, isn’t it?”

“No, it’s the effect of my Trap card, which explains its effects clearly.”

Twilight blinked. “Um, Sunset, that wasn’t the line.”

“I know.”

“You’re supposed to say—”

“I know what you wanted me to say. And no. We’re not doing the bit. This entire chapter is an homage to the Abridged Series, and the original story had several references to it already including direct quotes. We are not going to do the scene. It’s stupid, it’s overdone, and it’s redundant.”

Twilight pouted. “Now you’re just being difficult.”


Flash fell backwards off his dueling booth. “Ow!”

“Yay, my turn.” Twilight hopped over him and stepped on the platform.

“I think I broke my back.”

“And I pulled mine having to step over your corpse. Way to go, Flash.”

“I’m not dead yet.”

“Quiet, you’re ruining the moment.”


Sunset smiled as Twilight rose into view opposite her. “I’ve been waiting for this moment for eighteen chapters.”

“You and the entire audience, Sunset.” Twilight slammed her deck on the field. “And now it’s time to duel!”

“Yes, but first, I’m going to combine our magic to make this a Shadow Game, because I know how to do that and know what that term means.” Sunset held her hand out as clouds of darkness billowed out of the Element of Magic.

“Go ahead, Sunset.” Twilight glared back. “No matter what you do, I’m going to beat you and get my crown back and stop you from taking over Equestria!”

Sunset barked out a laugh. “Who said anything about wanting to take over Equestria?”

Twilight paused. “You mean, you don’t want to take over Equestria?”

“No, you idiot.” Sunset rolled her eyes. “This world is way better! We have the internet, cell phones, and cars! And look at these.” Sunset held her hands up and wiggled her fingers. “You have no idea how much more convenient everything is when you have hands. And have you seen me in a bikini? I could make this entire school bend to my whim with one sexy selfie. I love this world!”

“But if you don’t want to take over Equestria, then why did you steal my crown?”

“Because I’m going to get something far more valuable than ruling Equestria.” Sunset grinned. “I’m going to take over this franchise!”

Twilight’s jaw dropped. “That’s impossible! I am the main character and shall always be so!”

“Nope. Once I beat you, I’ll be the main character, and I’ll get my own spin-off series.” Sunset tapped her chin. “I just need to think of a name for it. What do you think of ‘Equestria Girls’?”

“No one would ever watch that, why would you even think they would?” Twilight glared. “You’re as delusional as I am intelligent. And in case you’ve forgotten, I am a very well-read nerd.”

“And once I’m through with you, you’ll be a well-done nerd!”


Twilight held her head and groaned. “What a peculiar flashback. What caused it?”

“My powers!” Sunset called. “By the rules of this Shadow Game, every time you lose Life Points, I get to see a bad memory from your past that I can use to taunt you.”

“Why would you do that?”

“What?”

“Why would flashbacks worry me? I’ve lived a good life, I’m a Princess now, and I have many friends.” Twilight tilted her head. “Actually, considering your life seems to have taken all sorts of wrong turns, your flashbacks will probably be far more traumatic and painful to relive.”

“As if you’d ever damage me and find out!”

“Good point. Honestas, direct attack!” Honestas jumped up and swooped into a diving kick. Sunset coughed and fell backwards.

Twilight’s eyes glowed as her mind filled with memories from Sunset’s past. “…did you really wet yourself going down the slide when you were a filly?”

“I’d had a lot to drink and couldn’t hold it anymore!” Sunset protested.

“And you tried to insist it was just rain?”

“It had rained earlier in the morning, it might have been left over!”

“And then your father came over to wipe you off while lecturing you about proper potty training?”

“Stop narrating my comically embarrassing childhood!” Sunset grit her teeth. “My past is complicated and tragic, and if you understood it, you’d sympathize with me.”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Let me guess, you were Celestia’s other student who was jealous of me even though I never knew about you, and when you wanted powers and authority I was destined to have, you betrayed Celestia and ran away to find them in another world.”

Sunset’s jaw dropped. “How could you possibly know that?”

“Because it’s the same backstory every other fanfic has given you.” Twilight thrust her finger out to point accusingly. “Your past is so homogenous your cutie mark may as well be a three percent numeral.”

“It’s better than your backstory!” Sunset replied.

“You don’t even know my backstory.”

“Yes, I do, because it’s the exact same as my backstory. The only difference is you read more books and had less sex.”

“Then I have no regrets.”


“I summon my Infernal Spirit monsters!” Sunset spread her arms as her cards floated in front of her. “These cards are what’s going to kick your plot, Twilight!”

“Why do you even have those cards?”

Sunset paused and blinked. “What?”

“Why do you have cards based on previous villains?” Twilight asked.

“Because I’m evil, of course. I’m a villain, and obviously the best villain, so my cards are villains, just like your cards are your friends.”

“Yes, but, my friends and I are actually, y’know, friends. I’m fairly certain most of the characters your cards symbolize have never met you or each other.”

“You don’t know that!” Sunset snapped. “Perhaps we have a villain support group, where we meet for two hours every other Saturday to discuss the evil thing we’ve done, and bring baked goods to share, and console each other on our failures and tragic pasts that made us evil.”

Do you do that?”

“…You don’t know we don’t.”


“And now I summon my ultimate monster, the Raging She-Demon!” Sunset grinned as her winged monster rose in front of her.

Twilight stared up at the demon. “I don’t know how you managed it, Sunset, but you managed to get screen time of yourself as a demon with a revealing dress. I admit I’m almost jealous.”

“Yes, cower in fear of her magnificent wingspan and arousing attire!” Sunset thrust her hand out. “Raging She-Demon, attack Twilight and end this duel!”

“I don’t think so!” Twilight’s eyes lit up purple. “Main Character Powers activate!”

“What!?” Sunset stepped back. “How? I used your powers to begin this Shadow Game, you can’t use them now. Because that is totally how magic works in this world.”

“I can use them because I have friends, Sunset!” Twilight’s eyes blazed. “You should have read my character sheet – for each friend I have, I get a plus two on all rolls involving usage of Main Character Powers, and when facing the main villain, I also get a plus five. So the more friends I have cheering for me, the easier it is to whup your butt!”

“That doesn’t even make sense!” Sunset shrieked. “How would having friends make it easier for you to beat me?”

“Clearly you have no idea how either of our franchises work!” Twilight crowed. “I summon my ultimate monster, Super Sailor Scout Anthro-Twi!” She pointed across the field. “Super Sailor Scout Anthro-Twi, destroy Raging She-Demon!” The humanoid pony princess held up a hand and fired a blast of magic across the field.

“It’s no use, Twilight!” Sunset laughed. “Every time my Raging She-Demon is destroyed, I can recycle one of my Infernal Spirits to revive her. You can’t stop me!”

“Yes I can! Because it just so happens my Super Sailor Scout Anthro-Twi has the ability to attack again whenever you summon a monster. So you’ve just triggered an attack loop, that will continue until your Life Points hit zero!”

“But, that’s not fair!” Sunset gaped. “That is ridiculously overpowered! How is a card like that even allowed to exist? It should be against the rules!”

Screw the rules, I have friendship!” Twilight yelled and thrust her hand out. “Super Sailor Scout Anthro-Twi, destroy Raging She-Demon over and over!”

Super Sailor Scout Anthro-Twi held both hands up and fired swirling beams of light across the field.


Rarity pointed. “Look! The dark clouds are vanishing!”

Rainbow grinned. “That must mean Twilight won the duel!”

Celestia nodded. “I see no reason to question that conclusion. The winner of the tournament is Twilight Sparkle!”

Twilight hopped off her dueling booth and held her hands out. “That’s right, now gimme!” Celestia handed the crown over and Twilight placed it on her head.

Flash held up a hand. “Hey, Twilight, how about a duel?”

“No can do. I have to go, my planet needs me.” Twilight turned and ran towards the front of the school.

“Twilight!” Twilight paused and turned her head to see Sunset approach her. “I’m sorry I was evil,” Sunset said, smiling softly. “But since you just fried my brain with a blast of magical friendship rainbows, I’m not evil anymore, and I’m very sorry.”

“No problem, Sunset.” Twilight smiled back. “I’m always happy to add a new girl to my harem.”

“Add to your what?”

“My circle of friends.”

“Oh, okay.”

Twilight spun Sunset by the shoulder and pushed her towards the other humans. “Now go make friends with these girls I’ve known for two days. You’ve bullied and tormented them for years, so I’m sure you have lots to talk about.”

“Yay!” Pinkie squeed and hugged Sunset tight. “A new girl to add to my harem!”

“Add to your what?”

“You heard me.”


Twilight smiled as she looked at Sunset’s old deck. “Pendulum Monsters… interesting. I sure hope this is just a throwaway reference that won’t need to be built upon in a hypothetical sequel to this adventure. That might be awkward.” She shrugged.

“It’ll be fine. I’m sure there aren’t any other teenage girls with dark magical powers to cause trouble in that world. That would just be silly.”


“What do you mean you don’t want us for the sequel!?” Adagio yelled into her cell phone, pacing angrily in her apartment.

Sonata leaned over to Aria on the sofa. “She’s been shouting at her phone for half an hour.”

“Yup.”

“How dare you skip our movie! It was the best one, and the three of us are the best damn villains you’ve ever had! This franchise would be dead if it wasn’t for us! We still get hefty royalty checks every month for all the memes and porn we appear in!”

Sonata grinned widely. “I just have to hold up a plate of Mexican food and it goes viral!”

Adagio stopped in place and put a hand on her hip as she listened to her agent’s voice. “Yes… yes… well it’s hardly our fault they’ve already used the tournament arc. So what, it’s a Yu-Gi-Oh crossover, that franchise’s economy runs on card game tournaments.” She tilted her head back and rolled her tongue in her mouth. “Uh-huh… fine… hang on.” She lowered the phone and looked at her sisters. “He says there’s nothing to do for this, but he can get us a cameo in Season 7 of the show.”

Aria shrugged. “Work is work.”

“I’m in!” Sonata agreed.

Adagio raised the phone again. “We’re in, but I demand at least one speaking line of at least five words! ...Seriously, that’s it? … Well, how much do the comics pay? ...Okay, now you’re trying to piss me off on purpose.”

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