Four princesses flew in sloppy formation towards the quiet, unsuspecting town of Ponyville. Moonlight and shadows rippled over their outstretched wings as they coasted on the warm summer air.

“Twilight!” Luna said, looking over her shoulder at the purple pony princess. “Direct us to the local tavern!”

“Oh no. No no no no no.” Twilight shook her head. “We can't!”

“Why not?” Luna said. “Ponyville's not filled with teetotalers, is it?”

“Not with the amount of cider they drink.” Cadance noted with a grin.

“It's not that, it's just … remember what you said before? About your, uh … consorts? And scandals and stuff? What do you think they're going to say if a bunch of princesses just bust into some bar somewhere and start drinking?”

“A valid point.” Luna said. “I hadn't considered that.”

“But … “ Cadance chimed in, “what if they don't know we're princesses?”

“What? How?” Twilight sputtered. “I mean, we could use minor polymorphic spells on ourselves, but those require constant attention in order to stay active. Which … might not mix well with all the alcohol. Or theoretically a low level memory charm could work, but that would be immoral-- not to mention dangerous to work on so many ponies at the same time.”

“Oh, Twilight.” Cadance banked slightly, bringing herself close enough to Twilight to ruffle her hair. “That's just like you, trying to solve a problem with magic, when there's a prefectly--” Cadance furrowed her brow, and corrected herself. “Perfectly normal solution available.”

“There's no way four princesses are going to go anywhere in ponyville without being noticed.” Twilight said.

“But what if they don't know we're princesses?” Cadance smiled.

“Between the horns and the wings, it's pretty obvious.”

“Which is why we're going to wear hats.” Cadance said.

“Brilliant!” Luna chimed in.

“Hats? You … you can't be serious.” Twilight said.

“Without the horns, we're just pegasi!” Cadance did a little barrel roll, just to illustrate her point. “All we need to do is cover them up.”

“Brilliant!” Luna cried. “Why, sister, 'tis just like the time we disguised ourselves to infiltrate the Skull Cult of Thoth A-Mane!”

Celestia, who had remained quiet for most of the flight, merely smiled. “Hopefully tonight won't be as bloody.”

“The night is yet young, sister.” Luna spread her wings out proudly. “Now, to the haberdashery!”

“Oh! Well, I'm sorry, Ponyville doesn't have a haberdasher.” Twilight said, quickly. “I mean, it's a much smaller town than what you guys are used to in Canterlot or the Crystal Empire, so I guess that means no hats, which means we can't go to the bar, which means we should just turn around and go back to my castle and maybe play a board game or something. Doesn't that sound fun?”

“What about your friend Rarity?” Cadance said. “Doesn't she run a boutique?”

“Well, yes.” Twilight admitted with a wince. “But don't you think it's a little … late to be paying her a visit?”

“Aw, c'mon! She'll be thrilled to see us! I'm sure she'll be thrilled to help us out! Aren't you always going on about how generous she is?”

“Yes, but--”

“Then it's settled!” Luna cheered. “Lead on, Princess Twilight!”

Against her better judgement (much like everything else that'd happened that evening) Twilight flew to the Carousel Boutique. She stumbled a few steps upon hitting the ground, then looked over her shoulder to see the other three princesses land perfectly. Twilight felt a twinge of annoyance at the fact that the other princesses could fly better tipsy than she could sober-- but then again, they had years and years of practice on her.

“Rarity likes to get her beauty sleep, so can everyone please be quiet?”

“Shhhhhhh.” Cadance held a hoof to her lips, and giggled. “We'll be quiet. Like ninjas.”

Twilight shook her head, and then carefully made her way to the door to Carousel Boutique. The lights were off, and the place was quiet-- which gave Twilight a faint feeling of hope. If Rarity wasn't home, or if she was asleep, that would put a halt on this mad 'disguise' plan, and then Twilight could wrangle the princesses back to her castle without anypony being the wiser. Disaster averted.

Gently, she rapped on Rarity's door.

Nothing happened.

“Look at that!” Twilight said with a nervous laugh. “Rarity must not be home! Oh well, guess that means no hats for us! Which means no bar hopping. Oh well!” She looked back at her friends and forced a grin.

That grin faded as Twilight saw a blur of pink sailing through the air at her. She squeaked in dismay and ducked beneath Cadance's flying lunge.

“NINJA KICK WHACHAAAAAH!” Cadance slammed a back hoof into Rarity's door, shattering the wood in a single blow.

“Cadance! What are you doing?” Twilight said.

“You told me to be like a ninja. Seemed like the right thing to do.”

“I told you to be quiet.”

“Ninjas are quiet.”

“Not when they're kicking in doors!” Twilight reached out and shook Cadance.

“Aw, c'mon. Can you honestly tell me nopony's ever kicked in Rarity's door before? What's a little property damage between friends?”

“That … that's beside the point! Besides, Rarity's not even home, so--”

“Fiends!” A familiar, shrill, and panicked voice echoed from upstairs. Hooves clattered upon the stairs, and soon Rarity came charging downwards. A far cry from her elegant self, her mane was set in curlers, her body wrapped in a frizzy nightgown, and her horn glowed with magical energy. “Ruffians! Thieves!” She skidded to a halt, however, as she saw the nature of the intruders. “Princesses?”

“Hi Rarity!” Cadance waved a hoof. “Sorry about the door. Just knocked a little too hard, is all.”

“Wha … wha?” The focused magic around her horn fizzled off into nothingness.

“Rarity,” Twilight said, “I am so, so sorry. There's a perfectly rational explanation for--”

“We need hats.” Luna said as she ducked beneath the doorway to Carousel boutique, and Celestia followed.

Rarity blinked, torn between her normal awe in the presence of royalty and a greater (and more justified) sense of befuddlement. “You need … hats.”

“Indeed.” Luna nodded.

“At this hour?”

“Yep!” Cadance said.

Rarity blinked a few more times, and rubbed at the corner of her eye. “Dare I ask … why?”

“It honestly wouldn't make any sense if you did.” Twilight grumbled.

“I assure you, Rarity, 'tis a matter of great importance.” Luna rumbled, gravely.

“Oh. Well then. If you put it that way, I'd be happy to help.” Rarity rubbed at her chin, allowing her more artistic instincts to take over. “Now then, Princess Luna … how do you feel about feathers?”

“I can't believe this is happening.” Twilight grumbled.

“You're just mad 'cause you didn't get a hat.” Cadance shifted her bowler slightly, making sure it covered her horn entirely.

“Indeed. Your friend Rarity has quite the talent.” Luna said. She pushed the wide brim of her plumed swashbuckler's hat upwards, out of her eyes. “Does she have any experience as an armorer? I've been meaning to have a new set of barding commissioned.”

“What do you need a new set of barding for? Equestria's not gone to war in centuries.” Celestia said. The black silken top hat perched on her head at a rakish angle should have made her look ridiculous, but somehow Celestia was able to pull the look off naturally.

“Um.” Twilight held up a hoof. “I'm … just going to throw this out there, but do any of you really think that just covering up your horns and pretending to be pegasi will fool anyone? I mean, we're all kind of … distinctive. Once somepony sees your cutie mark, they'll know who you are for sure!”

“Why Twilight,” Cadance nudged her friend conspiratorially. “Are you saying that everyone's going to be looking at our flanks?”

“Yes! I mean, no! Not like that.” Twilight blushed.

“Buzzkill.” Cadance grinned, and then perked her ears. “Oh! This is the place, isn't it?” Ponyville's bar didn't really have a name-- the town was small enough to really only warrant one such establishment, and thus everypony had taken to calling it 'The Bar.'

“Um, yes.” Twilight said, wincing. “I mean, this is really the only bar in Ponyville, and it's Tuesday night anyway, so nothing's going on, so why don't we just go home now?” Twilight said, hopeful.

“After all the trouble we went through to get these hats? No way.” Cadance said.

“Fine. Fine.” Twilight rubbed at the bridge of her nose. “I guess one drink couldn't hurt. But I'm telling you, you'll probably get bored before you even finish that.”

“We'll see.” Cadance said, smiling.

Twilight braced herself, and pushed the door to the bar open.

She wasn't sure what hit her first-- the barrage of sound, or the pink-hued blur of her friend. Apparently, for all its humble appearance, the bar had a surprisingly soundproof door.

“Twilight!” Pinkie Pie spoke louder than usual to be heard over the din off laughter and applause coming from within the bar. “This is so great! I thought you were gonna be busy princess-ing, but you made it!”

“Made it to … what, exactly?”

“KARAOKE NIGHT! WOO!” Pinkie Pie pulled Twilight into a celebratory hug-- and then blinked, finally registering the three be-hatted princesses standing just outside the door.

“Oh! Twilight! Who are your friends?”

“My … oh. Oh.” Twilight, panicked, looked between Pinkie and the trio. “Uh. You see, there's a perfectly rational explanation for this--”

“We're Twilight's friends.” Cadance said, tipping her bowler as she trotted into the bar. “Pegasus friends. From Cloudsdale.” She flared her wings out a little, just to make her point.

“Oh wow, nice to meetcha!” Pinkie Pie shook Cadance's hoof eagerly. “My name's Pinkie Pie! What's yours?”

Cadance's satisfied grin fell as Pinkie Pie asked the question. “Uh.” Cadance said. “Cloud … chaser. Yes. And these are my friends, Cloudbreaker, and Cloudsweeper.” She gestured to Celestia and Luna in turn.

“Nice to meetcha!” Pinkie Pie paused, and then squinted at the three 'disguised' princesses. “Saaaaay, you guys look a little taller than most pegasuses I've met.”

“We work out.” Cadance blurted. “Like. A lot.”

“Neat!” Pinkie Pie's guileless smile returned. “You guys should meet my friend Rainbow Dash sometime! She's an athlete too!”

“Looking forward to it.” Cadance said.

“Now c'mon in, you guys! You're letting all the fun out!”

Baffled, Twilight could only follow her friends inside. The bar, quite simply, was packed. Thankfully, the lighting was terrible, casting the many ponies within with long, dark shadows. Even still, the princesses stood taller than everyone else in the bar, and their ostentatious headwear didn't seem to help much. The silver lining (such as it was), that most everypony's attention was trained on the stage at the far end of the room, where a succession of ponies in varying states of sobriety with varying degrees of talent howled out karaoke staples.

Somehow, Pinkie Pie found the quartet an empty table. No sooner had they settled in, a harried looking blue pony in a waitress' apron set a tall pitcher of lime-green margarita and several salt-encrusted mugs before them.

“Courtesy of the gents at the end of the bar.” She nodded over her shoulder, and several colts wearing too much hair gel and too many gold necklaces waved back, smirking.

“Hey sweet, free drinks!” Cadance said.

“Tell me, friend Pinkie. What is this 'karaoke?'” Luna asked. “Some sort of festival?”

“In a matter of speaking, yes.” Twilight said.

“It's only the best thing ever!” Pinkie Pie squeaked. “It's great! All you have to do is pick a song out of the book--” She dumped an impressively thick binder onto the table. “And then you write a little note telling the DJ you wanna sing it, and then your turn comes up and you go up on stage and sing! And then everypony claps and cheers and it's the best thing ever!”

A muffled, nigh-unintelligible voice echoed over the sound system, and Pinkie Pie perked her ears. “Oh! That's my turn! Sorry guys, but I have a song to sing!”

Pinkie Pie bounced away from the table, and bounded onto the stage. She reared up on her hind legs, grabbed the microphone, and immediately started singing “PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY” over and over again at the loudest possible volume.

“Twilight.” Luna said. “Has Pinkie been trained in the Royal Canterlot Voice?”

Twilight winced. “She's naturally like that.”

“Impressive.” Luna said.

“Oh hey!” Cadance said, fixing on one page of the Karaoke binder. “They've got 'Shave 'em Dry!' I love that song!”

“Shaving?” Twilight rubbed her chin self-consciously. “That … that song isn't about beards, is it?”

“Nope!” Cadance immediately grabbed a pencil and scrap paper to scribble her request down. “No beards. It's … well, it's easier if I just sing the song.”

“Why do I get the feeling this is a bad idea?” Twilight's voice cracked.

“Don't worry, Twilight, it'll be educational!”

A minute or two later, Pinkie Pie ended her song with an incoherent scream and threw herself into the crowd. Ponies rushed to hold her up, and Pinkie Pie crowd-surfed her way all the way back to Twilight's table.

“Hey guys!” Pinkie said as she plopped down next to her friend. “Who's next?”

“I got this.” Cadance said with the sort of grin that worried Twilight.

Cadance took up her slip of paper and trotted over to where Vinyl Scratch helmed the DJ booth. She passed the note over to the blue maned unicorn, who peered dubiously at Cadance from over the rims of her sunglasses. Cadance said something Twilight couldn't hear over the general din of the bar.

Vinyl Scratch shrugged, and then pulled a record from her collection. She blew the dust from the old LP, set it on the turntable, and soon a methodical blues riff blasted from the speakers.

Cadance strutted up on stage, scooped up the microphone, and sang.

Twilight gaped. Twilight blushed. Twilight briefly wondered if there was a proper way to portmanteau the two words together, but 'gushing' just sounded dirty. Not as dirty, however, as the song that Cadance proudly belted out from the other side of the room. Twilight watched in mortified horror as Cadance sang verse after verse, each one filthier and more obscene than the one before. Finally, Cadance wrapped the song up, and bowed to the cheering and whooping audience as if she'd just finished a recital at Carneighy Hall.

At least she kept her hat on, thus preserving her ostensible disguise, Twilight reflected.

One had to look for the silver lining in this sort of situation. Optimism.

Luna and Celestia applauded politely as Cadance made it back to the table.

“What … what was that?” Twilight sputtered.

“Only my favorite karaoke song.” Cadance said.

“KARAOKE! WOO!” Pinkie high-hooved Cadance.

“But … but that song is obscene.”

“I know.” Cadance poured herself another margarita from the pitcher. “Isn't it great?”

“I … I don't understand.” Twilight said.

“It's like this.” Cadance leaned forward, leaning against the table perhaps a little harder than she should have. “Remember all that stuff I told you about how love is patient and kind and understanding?”

“Um. Yes?” Twilight offered.

“Well, all of that is still true. It's just that sometimes, love is nasty.” Cadance licked her lips, unconsciously. “It's sticky, and sweaty, and sometimes it leaves you kind of sore in the morning.”

Twilight stared.

“Like this one time, I dug out my old cheerleader uniform, and--”

Twilight clapped her hooves over her ears. “LA LA LA LA NOT LISTENING.”

“Oh, right. That's your brother.” Cadance leaned back in her chair. “Sorry, didn't mean to get all TMI.”

“Brother?” Pinkie Pie squeaked. “You're doin' it with Twilight's brother?”

Cadance paused, realizing the gap in her cover story. “Uh. Well. Funny story--”

“Twilight!” Pinkie Pie rounded on her bestest friend. “How come you didn't tell me you had another brother!? And how come you didn't tell me both your brothers had a thing for tall pink ponies with fabulous hair?” Pinkie Pie looked over to Cadance for a moment. “Did anyone ever tell you that you look like Princess Cadance?”

Cadance just laughed. “I've just got that kinda face, I guess.”

“Pinkie, what are you … are you really … I don't … argh!” Twilight's brain sputtered along like an engine with a misfiring cylinder.

“Have another drink, Twilight.” Celestia helpfully pushed a mug in front of her favorite student. Twilight winced slightly less after taking a much-needed sip.

“Cheer up!” Pinkie said, beaming, “It's not like you're secretly taking a bunch of immortal magic princesses to karaoke night in disguise so they can avoid the ponyrazzi photographers and learn how normal ponies live!” She made a show of winking to her friend.

“Uh.” Twilight said.

“Because if you were, you'd be doing a pretty terrible job of it. I mean, nopony's ever called me normal, but that's fine by me!”

Twilight poured herself another glass.

The force of Luna's voice was enough to blow speakers and send ponies in the first few rows tumbling over each other.

The crowd loved it.

“At least she's not singing about sex.” Twilight mused. Optimism.

While Luna performed on stage, Cadance and Pinkie sat in a corner, exchanging increasingly ribald jokes. Celestia, however, kept her eyes fixed on her glass, only looking up to refill it. Which she did with mechanical regularity.

“Uh.” Twilight scooted closer. “Are you okay?” She asked.

“Hm?” Celestia looked up, adjusted her top hat. “Oh, I'm fine. Really. It's just … “

“Just what?”

“It … it reminds me of Heartseeker.” Celestia sniffled delicately. ”He used to love the old rowing chants. We didn't have electric guitars back then, though.”

“Oh. Um. I'm sorry.” Twilight scratched at the back of her neck. “Do you … do you wanna talk about it? I mean, all these years, I've confided in you. The least I can do is try to help you the same way? Would it be easier if you wrote a letter?” Twilight started looking around. “We've got cocktail napkins, and there's probably a pen around here somewhere … “

Celestia's sad smile turned a little less so. “Thank you, Twilight, but a letter won't be necessary.”

“Right! Because we're both here, and sending letters back and forth when we're at the same table would be silly!”

“Any sillier than putting on silly hats and taking over the local pub on karaoke night?”

“Yes! I mean, no!” Twilight shook her head, and winced as she felt the room tilt at a dutch angle. Too many margaritas, no doubt. “I … I honestly don't know what to think! I can't believe any of this is happening, or that you would go along with it in the first place! I mean, sure, Ca-- my sister in law is young, and your sister is … unique, but … you're just indulging them, right?”

“Actually.” Celestia drained the last of her drink, and set her mug upside-down on the table. “I was planning on singing next.”

“What?!” Twilight said.

Before she could protest any more, Luna hopped off the stage, leaving ringing ears and damaged speakers in her wake.

“Your turn, sister!” she said, tossing the microphone (stand included) to Celestia.

Celestia caught the mic effortlessly, and made her way up to the stage. She nodded to Vinyl Scratch, who in turn cued up the next record. A slow, minor keyed guitar began to play. To Twilight's surprise (and somewhat existential horror), Princess Celestia flubbed the first verse of the song-- it was the first time she'd actually seen Celestia present herself as anything less than regal. The first time Celestia had really failed at something. (Underhanded ambushes by various magical monsters notwithstanding).

And yet, the pained quaver in Celestia's voice made the lyrics hit all the harder, once Twilight made them out over the din of the bar.

Celestia sang on. It wasn't a long song, but by the time she finished her ballad, there nearly every pony in the bar was sniffling and dabbing tears from their eyes. Twilight dabbed at her eyes with a napkin in a vain attempt to keep her composure, but Pinkie Pie bawled as if her eyes were connected to a faucet.

Celestia neatly put the microphone stand back in its proper place, tipped her horn-concealing top hat to the audience, and stepped off the stage to rapturous (if tear stained) applause.

“Are you okay?” Twilight materialized at Celestia's side. “Tell me you're okay. Please.”

“Just fine. I've always liked that song. It's … cathartic.”

“But … but it's so sad!”

“Which is the point.”

“But … did you mean it? The part about nobody ever loving you? I mean, you were pretty much singing about yourself, weren't you?” Twilight felt her stomach churn. “I mean, you're up on this pedestal, and you've got so much history, so there's no way that anyone could ever … “

“Twilight.” Celestia patted her favorite student on the shoulder. “It's fine. It's honestly something I came to terms with a long, long time ago.

“Are you sure there isn't anything you'd like to do about it? I mean, we might be able to use time travel magic so you could go back and get some closure.”

“Or just get some!” Pinkie Pie popped up on the other side of Celestia, and made an obscene gesture with her hooves.

Celestia laughed softly, and shook her head. “The thought may have crossed my mind before. But it'd be pointless in the end. Heartseeker just … left. There was nothing I could do about it then, and nothing I can do about it now. Except sing a song. But sometimes, a song's all you need.”

Meanwhile, across the bar, the colt with the most gel in his hair and the most gold chains around his neck sidled up next to Cadance.

“How you doin'.”

“Pretty good!” Cadance said, looking away from Pinkie for just a moment.

“I liked your song up there.” Gel-and-chains said.

“Hey, thanks!”

“But I was wonderin' … “ He passed a hoof over his shellacked mane. “Were you just singin', or are you really that much of a freak?”

“I'm--” Cadance took a moment to register the colt's intentions. “Married, actually.”

“Well, I don't see your husband here, right?”

“It's a girl's night out.”

“You know what they say, what happens in Ponyville, stays in Ponyville.”

“They don't say that.”

“Listen, you stuck up tramp, I've been buying you drinks all night, and I'm tired of you ignoring me and leading me on. You'd better start paying attention, if you know what I mean.” He reached out with one leg, attempting to hook it around Cadance's and pull her closer.

Cadance blinked her wide eyes at the be-gelled colt. “Oh. Oooooh. It's gonna be like that.” She rolled her neck, and somehow the cracking of her vertebrae cut through the usual background noise of the bar. “Cool.”

The pick up pony smiled an oily smile. “That's right, it'll be--”

“NINJA STRIKE! WHACHAAAAH!” Cadance's left cross sent gel-and-chains staggering, and then she wheeled around to hit him with both back hooves, sending him flying across the bar and into his companions. They tumbled to the floor in a calamity of swearing and breaking glass, but managed to stand up a moment later.

“Cadance!” Luna looked up. “You didn't start a melee without me, did you?”

“They're still standing.” Cadance said, panting slightly.

“Then I shall remedy this!" Luna stomped a hoof upon the floorboards in her eagerness, cracking it like so much dry kindling. "Have at you!"

To Luna's credit, she didn't kill them.

The Warrior-Princess of Dreams and Darkness struck the knot of pick-up ponies like a thunderbolt. She lowered her shoulder as she barreled into the lot of them, striking with enough force to smash through the wall of the bar. Outside, the unfortunate ponies groaned, and then scattered in all directions in a panic.

“What? No more?” Luna scoffed, as if personally affronted. “Then run, cowards! Run, and tell this tale as a warning to others!”

“That's it. I'm putting my hoof down.” Twilight stood up, set her jaw, and looked up at Celestia. “We need to go.”

Celestia just watched the chaos with a wan smile. “Let me get another drink, first.”

Author's Notes:

Hey, thanks for reading!

And for the record, the various songs the various princesses sung are based on actual works-- I just didn't wanna transcribe the entirety of the lyrics. So, if you're curious ...

Cadance: Shave 'em Dry. Originally recorded by Lucille Borgan, but the Asylum Street Spankers' version is a lot clearer.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9j579t7gMA

Luna: Immigrant Song, by Led Zeppelin (bet ya knew this one already)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2EzlXXwTFHY

Celestia: No One Will Ever Love You, by Sarah Borges & The Broken Singles

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bT3hRRfnqeo