Author's Notes:

This release was made possible by the combined editing, proofreading, lore-keeping, direction and general awesomeness of Society members Wendy Crescent, Seraphem, Sixkiller5, Troposphere,Fuzzy Fabricator, Dusk Whisper, Seypiey Oulumenhon (AKA Sepia), Winter Thorn, Avatar Sprite, Aliax and all the other amazing members at Clocktower Society. It also features a masterpiece by Society member Cryptic Dash featuring our very own Cherry Stellar. The Society is near a year old now and we're bigger and more active than ever, a fact reflected in this near-endless credits. Many thanks to everyone who helped in making this possible, and many thanks to you, the readers, for your continued support.

The message arrived on a Sunday morning, not by dragon mail, falling star, sinister whispers, or even a measly messenger pigeon. It arrived in an unmarked envelope via signed express courier with instructions to deliver it directly to the hooves of Princess Twilight Sparkle at Our Royal Grace’s Astoundingly Sparkly and Massively Immense Castle of Friendship.

Twilight was still struggling to get the local council to approve a formal name change, or at the very least ban the use of the acronym. Unfortunately things have a tendency to get in the way, ‘things’ being ‘giggles’.

“What is it, darling?” Rarity asked, joining her at the door as she closed it behind her. She considered seeing her herd sister in her bathrobe with her mane and tail in curlers in Twilight’s own home a rare treat, one only afforded by every other resident of the ORGASMIC-F castle being away. Luckily, Starlight was accompanying Maud to a rock concert in Saltlick City for the weekend while Spike had set off for summer camp with the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

“Oooh, it’s....” Twilight was bubbling with excitement as she opened the envelope. Her giddy enthusiasm slowly gave way to an accusing frown as she flipped the letter back and forth before turning it upside down. “...a blank letter.”

“Oh,” Rarity seemed to tense up like a wound spring. “Well, it must be a letter from the Society. They do have this penchant for making everything secret and hush hush.”

“Is it invisible ink?” Twilight’s horn lit up, casting black light on the parchment. Her frown deepened as the letter remained irritably blank. “More like stubborn ink.”

“You need to touch an ID badge to it to be able to read it,” Rarity said, offering her own, “You can use mine seeing as you don’t have your visitor badge with you. Normally you’d be told this during your introduction, but I suppose yours wasn’t exactly what one might call ‘normal’, dear.”

“You carry that around everywhere?” Twilight asked.

“Oh, yes. It can be quite convenient to have around, as you can see.” Rarity nodded. “Now, shall we go on and find out what the fuss is all about?”

Words glowed to life across the parchment at a touch of the badge. Twilight couldn’t help but give a little squee of excitement. Now it was starting to feel like a secret society. “Oooh, it’s…” She skimmed through the letter as they made their way back to the council room. “My super top secret registration with the society.” She dropped her voice to an excited whisper. “It’s on a Tuesday morning.” She seemed to consider this for a moment. “It must be a very top secret Tuesday morning.”

“Oh, darling, the way you say it makes it sound downright clandestine.” Rarity said. Her voice trailed off uncertainly into a frown. “Songbird dearest, um, did you ask Princess Cadance to make you that registration appointment?”

“Hmm? Well, no, this kind of thing happens automatically, doesn’t it?” Twilight said absently as she studied her letter. “You know, all my reading on the subject tells me that members in these kinds of secret societies get inducted and trained into willing sex slaves the very night they discover the evil organization.”

“Do remind me to review your reading list, darling. Mayhaps I shall find some new fantasy we can, ahem, indulge in,” Rarity gave a dainty giggle at Twilight’s brilliant blush. “But no, the Society is a reputable establishment. Some procedure and decorum is to be expected.”

“Less rope, more checklists, got it.” Twilight chuckled. She had suspected that all her reference material on sex slavery was either out of date or not entirely founded on accurate data. It would appear one does not simply get tied up and made into Doc’s B.S.S.F. (Best Sex Slave Forever) overnight.

“Oh, to hear naughty wit from such innocent lips!” Rarity gave a dramatic sigh. “Whatever happened to my dear, sweet, pure little Twilight?”

“This really sweet and loving unicorn mare did.” Twilight giggled, smirking at the revenge-blush on Rarity’s cheeks. “Speaking of, I’m hoping that sweet and loving unicorn mare might be able to come with me to this appointment? It’d be nice to have somepony knowledgeable with me.”

“Oh?” Rarity blinked, seemingly preoccupied with her own thoughts. “Ah, I’m afraid I won’t be able to, dear. Loved ones, herd members, partners, anypony with an interest in seeing you join can’t accompany you for your registration. They need to be certain that nopony’s coercing you into joining, you see. It says so on your letter.”

Twilight gave an uncertain little nod, feeling a touch of apprehension. It didn’t last very long as she was greeted by an overwhelming fragrance. And overwhelming puns.

“Good morning, my butter halves,” Doc looked up from the dining room table. “Would you like to ketchup over some waffled eggs benedict. Omelette you both carry on with your entree while I prepare a toast. And once you’re egging for more there’s nuttin butter than finishing with my peanut butter pancake donuts.” It was difficult to look any more mischievous, even with his apron that said ‘Cereal Griller’.

“I miss the medical puns already.” Twilight deadpanned, struggling not to cringe-giggle.

“Why did we fall in love with this hopelessly adorable binoclard ringard again?” Rarity chuckled, giving the colt a fond peck on the cheek.

“Oh, he grows on you once you get past all the….you know, come to think of it, there sure is a lot to get past.” Twilight giggled as she joined her herd sister in flanking their stallion with a kiss.

“Donut take me lightly. I ham simply eggstatic to show you two, my dear ladies.” Doc grinned, ushering them both to their seats.

Twilight didn’t care much for being treated like a princess by other ponies. But the way Doc would offer her plates stacked high with crunchy haycon-wrapped hash stuffed in waffle-baked egg buns, there was something about it that not only made her feel like a queen but also smile like a silly little filly. While his constant ploy to spoil her rotten was normally subtle, all pretenses seemed to fly out the window when Doc got his hooves on a frying pan. Granny Smith had told her once that one cannot trust a stallion who can bake, and Twilight couldn’t help but believe her after seeing Doc’s flamboyantly sacrilegious approach to deserts in his infamous cookie-taco sundae. It had been downhill ever since, and Twilight enjoyed every inch.

“So, my super secret Twi-spy network caught mention of a letter.” Doc said as they began demolishing their way through desert.

“It’s my registration appointment.” Twilight paused in between bites of pancake and clotted cream to levitate her letter over to Doc.

“Did you….request the appointment, dear?” Rarity asked.

“I didn’t. I’ll look into who organized it, hon. Who knows, it may have been Princess Cadance.” Doc smiled, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “More importantly, Twilight.” His gaze softened considerably as he turned to face her. “This might be a little soon, considering everything you’ve gone through.”

“Indeed, darling. I know you’ve said you’re keen, but there really is no rush,” Rarity said, “If this is a little too soon for you, you should say so. It’s perfectly normal to consider things for a while. Why, some ponies take weeks before attending their introductory tour, maybe months before they go ahead and register.”

“If you really want, we can even start at home first, take things one hoof at a time.” Doc nodded in agreement.

Twilight gazed into the eyes of her herd, seeing nothing but the deepest love and concern for her. What they said made perfect sense. She could hold off, learn to wade in an inflatable pool in the yard before going out to the ocean. But as knowledgeable and experienced as Rarity and Doc are, it wasn’t very easy to ask things as simple as ‘How does the Society make its lube out of marecum?’ Her books were quite obviously either out of date or factually inaccurate on the subject of ‘enslavement poles’. And while she was lucky she was able to ask Cadance some of the more pressing questions, she had a feeling her former foalsitter may not be comfortable answering questions such as ‘What is that floaty, happy feeling slaves get when they are degraded into cum dumps?’

If she stayed in the bedroom, she might learn a thing or two, or three about herself. But she would never have learned that other ponies enjoy it too, that she wasn’t a freak for secretly enjoying it, that it was normal and common, that there was an entire framework of safety and consensuality that a whole community of like-minded ponies follow and a lot of other things. And there was a whole lot more she wanted to learn, those submissive mares and the feelings she experienced through them, the different ways they express their love for their dom, the Fire of Devotion, the bottles of marecum lube and enslavement poles, everything.

There was no way she was going to discover all that in a bedroom. She needed to be able to talk openly with ponies like Tree Hugger, Lilac Sky, Spring Step and Rosemary. She needed the other side that the Society provided, the community of ponies, ponies she’d be able to study, learn from, discuss with.

Not to mention that if she was going to do this with Rarity and Doc, she wanted to do it right. And so far no book in her library had been very forthcoming on the art of singing around a colt’s stallionhood, at least not in a technical sense.

“I’m alright.” Twilight nodded confidently. “I want to do this. I used to think it was wrong for me to want this, that was before I learned that what I witnessed firsthoof was a bigger community of ponies who share in this, that it is not wrong, that it is normal. I want to learn even more from them as much as I want to learn from the two of you.” Twilight gave a sheepish little smile. “If that, um, makes sense?”

Rarity and Doc shared a glance before breaking out in relieved smiles. “My songbird, my princess, whatever you heart desires, I shall stand by your side and make it so.” Rarity said, slipping out from her chair to pull her herd sister into a loving hug.

“We’ll be there with you this time, Twi. We’ll learn together, one hoof at a time.” Doc joined in hugging his two mares close. “Hay, you know what? We should celebrate. Shall I orange a date and….?” The precious moment was thankfully saved from his puns by swift and liberal application of shut-up via a sudden threeway kiss from both his mares.

Twilight had imagined a meeting under the veil of night, hidden away in the shadows of some dark cave, with a ritual involving arcane chanting and a Pinkie Promise.

She certainly wasn’t expecting this.

She double and triple-checked the address on the sheet of paper. Yep, this was the place, alright.

Apparently joining a big society steeped in millennia of secrecy involved coming to number twenty-two, Sweet Maple Avenue, Ponyville at 10 in the morning on a Tuesday with her visitor’s badge. And this adorably quaint thatched cottage surrounded by flower beds was apparently where the Society’s secret recruiting agent for Ponyville lived.

She couldn’t for the life of her remember who lived there. Considering her princessdom was so small one couldn’t lie down without a passport, Twilight realized there really was little excuse for not knowing. It would have been nice to at least have some hint at who her recruitment agent was.

She would have looked at the back of the note to check for a return address, but having served its purpose, the note in her hoof dissolved away in a shower of sparkles. Twilight had expected it to warn her of its impending self-destruction. At the very least it should have spontaneously burst into flame. But all she got were a few anticlimactic sparkles and a whole lot of disappointment.

‘Well, the recruiter might be some ancient guardian spirit who has watched over the Society since time immemorial. Or an evil spirit of kinkiness with an eye patch. Or Cranky Doodle.’ Twilight thought, chuckling nervously to herself as she knocked on the door to the cottage.

“Oh, hello, Princess Twilight.”

Twilight gaped in abject horror. The door had opened to reveal something much, much worse.

Twilight squirmed on the sofa. It didn’t help that it squeaked awkwardly beneath her. Her eyes darted about in panic – from the freshly-baked almond biscuits, to the tea set printed with cute kitty paws, to the emerald candle burning on the coffee table, to the half-finished painting of a smiling flower in one corner of the neat little living room. This had to be some kind of entrance exam, an initiation ceremony, maybe even a form of cruel and unusual punishment. And there, sitting across from her, pouring her tea, was her judge, jury and executioner.

“Oh dear, it would appear the parasprites got into the sugar supply again.” Rosemary murmured, peering down at the empty sugar pot in her magical grip.
’This must be the first test. It must be some kind of secret Society code. If I can figure out the reply...’ Twilight gulped. “U-um, I-I d-dont need s-sugar in my sex. I-I mean, t-tea! A-all I want is a hot cup of sex-...tea!” She groaned as she mentally banged her head against the desk of her soul. Forget flunking her exam, two seconds and she had already come across as some kind of sex addict. This must be some kind of Society record.

She resigned herself to her fate, wondering whether or not she could redeem herself in whatever the Society’s equivalent of magic kindergarten was. Her despair was interrupted by a soft giggle.

“Oh my goodness, Princess Twilight,” Rosemary giggled into a forehoof, “You don’t have to try so hard to make me feel less nervous.”

“Wha-...?” Twilight blinked. Did she somehow fudge the answer to her test?

“I guess it just comes naturally to the Princess of Friendship. I’m a little jealous of how easily you put ponies at ease,” Rosemary said, “I want to do better, too. That’s why I moved to Ponyville and took up this job helping with applications for the Society. I never dreamed I’d be the one to recruit the Princess of Friendship herself, though. I was so nervous!” The cream-coloured unicorn gave a nervous chuckle.

“T-Thank you,” Twilight nodded uncertainly as she accepted her tea cup. She wasn’t sure what was going on but it would appear she was in the clear for the time being. Rosemary didn’t seem to be aware that she had spied on Wind Waker tying her up, turning her into his personal cum urinal and savaging her tailho-.......that thing that happened in the public cum dumps the other night! Twilight blushed brightly as she mentally batted the image out of her head. What relief she felt came with a cartload of guilt. She bit her lip as it gnawed at her, not allowing her to settle down. The friendly unicorn had been so earnest with her that Twilight couldn’t help but feel she owed her the same at the very least. She took a deep breath, drawing up what courage she had left. “I’m sorry I was spying on you when your coltfriend was tying you up turning you into his personal urinal and savaging your tailhole in the public cum dumps the other night!” she blurted out.

Twilight could only shut her eyes tight, willing herself to drown in the squeaky sofa. But to her surprise, she heard a giggle, Rosemary’s. “Oh, you saw us during your introductory tour? Heehee, I’m glad I helped convince you to join then, Princess.” the unicorn trilled cheerfully, much to Twilight’s surprise. “I’m ever so grateful for what you did for us at the village. Nothing would make me happier than being able to help Princess Twilight herself, even just a little.” She gave Twilight a heartfelt smile.

“Oh, um, I’m glad... and U-um, please c-call me Twilight,” Twilight said uneasily, for want of anything else to say.

“Thank you, Ms. Twilight.” Rosemary smiled sweetly before frowning ever so slightly at Twilight’s obvious discomfort. “Oh, is the candle making you feel uncomfortable?” She nodded at the emerald candle burning on the table. “Please bear with it just a moment longer. I’ll blow it out shortly.” She smiled with the barest hint of nervousness. “I’m sure you’re a very busy pony Ms. Twilight, so I’ll try not to take up too much of your time. Doctor Horse and Ms. Rarity told you about the non-disclosure agreement, didn’t they?” She said, magically levitating a pile of documents over to Twilight’s side of the coffee table. Twilight nodded silently as she leafed through the papers. Normally, prospective members would sign them before being allowed in on the secret existence of the Society. “Doctor Horse tells me Princess Cadence herself waived you through the normal secrecy procedures,” Rosemary said, “But he wants to make sure you’re fully covered on paper. That includes having your signed agreement on file. Just to remind you, this is a magically-binding agreement to keep everything you know about the Society a secret. It’s very important for the privacy and safety of our members that everypony agrees to this.”

Twilight’s magic teased apart the spellwork on the documents. She gave a soft gasp at the layers of complex chantwork and circleweaving built into the spell. She knew from experience that few unicorns in the history of Equestria were capable of weaving a spell this complex – Starswirl the Bearded being one of them.

She blanched at the thought. Considering how old the Society is, could Starswirl the Bearded have been a member?

Satisfied that the spell did only what it said on the tin – cause a strong compulsion to prevent accidentally giving away the Society’s secret and notify the Society if one lets the manticore out of the bag – Twilight took a quill from the table and signed. “Thank you, Princess. Here’s your copy.” Rosemary passed half the documents to her. “Now, let’s put out that candle. It’s done its job for now.” She blew the emerald candle out before putting it away.

Twilight nose-scrunched, catching a faint aroma of cheese as the fumes dissipated in the air.

Rosemary giggled at the face she made. “I suppose the Clocktower Guard wouldn’t mind if I shared the secret now that you’ve signed your agreement. That was a changeling candle. The flame mimics changeling fire, magic very similar to the Fire of Devotion you’ve seen burning in the cavern. It flares in sympathy to nearby changelings. I guess I owe you an apology, I was checking to make sure you weren’t a changeling trying to infiltrate the Society.”

“You use it to detect changelings?” Twilight gasped in amazement, her unease forgotten. “The Canterlot Circle of Mages has struggled to produce changeling detection spells for ages! The best they managed were disguise-dispelling spells.” She looked between Rosemary and the candle. “The Society has this kind of technology? Why haven’t they shared this with Equestria?”

Rosemary’s face turned a little grim. “Not all changelings are bad. Many of their hives are allied with the Society worldwide. They get to feed, in return they provide us things like transformation fire magic. They helped us develop these candles in response to the Canterlot invasion. In fact, they’re all at war with that evil one, whatshername, who invaded Canterlot. They were the ones who tipped us off on the invasion ahead of time. We can’t give away the secrets behind these candles without giving away our allies. Imagine if every changeling living peacefully in our society were suddenly ousted?”

“But…” Twilight trailed off into silence. Rosemary made a great deal of sense. But there was just something about it that didn’t sit well with her.

Rosemary seemed to notice Twilight’s unease as she was quick to reassure her. “Don’t worry. Ever since the invasion, our changeling allies have been working closely with Clocktower members in the Royal Guard. They are able to pick out hostile changelings better than any candle can. And no need to be concerned about the changelings in the Society either. They all wear identifying badges, a little gesture of goodwill. You’ll get to see for yourself after you’ve joined. Now, speaking of joining...” Her horn lit up with what Twilight recognized to be a levitation spell. She heard the telltale tinkling of unicorn magic carry something through the air. She stifled a little gasp as she saw the large, dark-burgundy box float over in Rosemary’s magical glow.

It was nondescript yet elegant. While the box could easily hide in a corner of a room, it also commanded attention and respect when sat out in the open. Twilight couldn’t help but wonder if that was intentional as she inspected the seemingly innocent box. Its top was almost featureless, but for an almost-invisible circular groove on the front. A glimmer of recognition struck her as she realized it was the perfect size and depth for the visitor’s badge she had been given. Rosemary’s smile widened as Twilight pulled her badge out, confirming her suspicion. Feeling a hint of excitement, she slipped the badge into the groove with a smooth ‘click’. A single bell toll filled the room as the badge glowed bright, turning into a clock face as the outline of a clocktower magically traced itself around it in golden filigree.

Twilight couldn’t help but hold her breath as the box bloomed open like a papercraft flower. The contents within rose like a pop-up book into a glowing miniature clocktower, its clock face bearing what looked like a new Society badge, one slightly bulkier and more richly engraved than her visitor’s badge. At the foot of the tower sat two books in velvet bindings, one a very rich red, the other a handsome black. Their front covers bore circular grooves similar to the container’s, but were otherwise perfectly plain. It took all of her self-restraint to stop herself from picking them up and flipping them open for the table of contents.

Rosemary giggled, noticing her excited fidgeting. “Go right ahead, Ms Twilight. They’re yours. This one contains your personal copies of the Society’s guides on everything from safewords to plug sizing.” She waved at the red tome.

“Really?!” Twilight gasped, grasping the red volume in her magic enthusiastically, before giving a sheepish little pony squee at Rosemary’s amused smile. Seeing no blurb on the back, she instinctively flipped the book open. Her excited grin quickly turned into a frown as she leafed through the book, finding nothing but mysteriously blank pages. ‘Is this a misprint? Or is it….’

Twilight almost slapped herself. She was dealing with a secret society after all. They weren’t about to allow the guide to their secrets to be read by just about anypony. She looked between the box, the new badge and the groove on the book’s cover and put two and two together. A rush of exhilaration rose like a twittermite swarm as she magically lifted the new badge off its pedestal and slipped it into the groove on the front cover. There was another satisfying click, the badge glowing and lighting up yet another cunningly-concealed Clocktower logo on the cover.

“Got it in one, Ms. Twilight. I had a feeling the puzzle-solver in you would enjoy the challenge.” Rosemary gave Twilight a knowing smile.

The badge itself swung open like a pocket watch to the tinkling melody of a musicbox. To Twilight’s surprise, a teeny pair of see-through hooves reached out of where the clock face would be, followed by a ghostly little pony the size of a breezie. It was accompanied by a high pitched, squeaky little yawn. “Hawaa~hn. Oh, hello, welcome to Clocktower Society!” The lavender little apparition chirped up at Twilight. “Where your Safeword is—ack!” Twilight winced, watching the ghostly little figure flailing helplessly as its ethereal flanks got caught in the badge’s rim.

“Is this….a book sprite?” Twilight said, recalling the small artificial familiars often crafted by Canterlot librarians to manage book cataloguing. She had been far too spoilt by Spike to require any help with cataloguing herself, though she has found other uses for it — Such as spyin–keeping an eye on her student on dangerous friendship missions, yes.

“It’s meant to be your personal Society kindlesprite. It looks more like a stuck sprite at the moment. I didn’t know this new edition can even climb out of its housing.” Rosemary frowned down at the struggling little sprite. “I hope it doesn’t mean it’s glitchy. This was meant to be Mr. Jet Set’s latest speech-enabled version.” Twilight raised an eyebrow at the mention of Jet Set’s name before deciding it was excess paranoia on her own part.

She reached out to give the little apparition a hoof. It unwedged itself with a soft ‘plop’ and a very grateful squeak. “Thank you, <insert name here>!”

“What’s your name, little one?” Twilight asked the little creature.

“I am your very own brand new PipSub! Though you are very welcome to name me something else, <Insert Name Here>!” The sprite said, fluttering its little pegasus wings.

“PipSub?” Twilight asked.

“Personal Issue Pocket Society Utility Badge, PipSub for short. That’s me!” The sprite replied.

“Also known as a ‘SUB’ among members,” Rosemary explained, “And yes, it was first created back when most ponies wore pockets.”

“So at least a few centuries ago?” Twilight studied the tiny spectre with renewed fascination.

“More than that, I think. It started out as just a plain ID badge. But, being made out of some kind of special crystal metal thing, it was very easy for members to customize and add their own bells and whistles. I heard even Meadowbrook and Princess Luna tacked on a few thingies. It’s gathered so many thingymabobs and whatsits over the centuries that it’s probably a little bit more than an ID badge now.” Rosemary said. “PipSub, pull up the cum dump equipment manual.” She nodded down at the sprite.

“Yes, ma’am. Loading the ‘Cum Dumpsters Plumber Guide by Lyra Heartstrings. Happy reading~” The sprite dove back inside the badge embedded in the book cover.

‘Oh, Lyra,’ Twilight giggled inwardly. Somehow she felt there was no way somepony she knew being a member of the Society could surprise her now, considering the trend. Rosemary leafed the book open and, lo and behold, the text and pictures had magically materialized on the pages. Very racy pictures of mares – no, ‘cum dumps’ – tied up in various ways, ready for their doms’ use.

“Can I possibly interest you in joining the cum dump guild then, Ms. Twilight?” Rosemary smirked teasingly at Twilight’s wide-eyed blush.

“Oh, yes, best cum dump mare fore-.....huh, wha? Oh!” Twilight blinked, before giving Rosemary a sheepish pony-squee. “Wh-what I meant to ask was, the manuals here appear to be made for mares. Aren’t there submissive stallions as well?”

“Oh yes, there are a few submissive stallions at Clocktower Equestria East, but traditionally most of them prefer Clocktower Equestria West, the site in San Franciscolt, simply because it’s where the majority gathers. And vice versa. Kind of like how a coffee enthusiast might find one coffee stand at a tea convention, but would have more luck at a coffee expo.” Rosemary explained.

“I see.” Twilight nodded, recalling the Society’s worldwide map and the marker on San Franciscolt. For some reason the thought of a dungeon full of collared stallions appealed to her. She made a mental note to broaden her reading for the night, just a little. “There’s a guide to the West site on here too?”

“Oh yes. PipSub, pull up the introductory guide to CEW for Ms. Twilight.” Rosemary ordered.

“Yes, ma’am. Loading ‘Clocktower Equestria West San Franciscolt, Home of the Clocktower Colts’ by Night Light, with preface by Mistress Twilight Velvet.” The badge on the cover chirped.

“As you can see, the PipSub can interact with any device that has a PipPoint, these grooves here — Such as this enchanted book. Other things it can connect to include your hoof cuffs, dom crests, certain doors, your locker at the Society, that sort of thing. It can…..Ms. Twilight?” Rosemary looked down to find Twilight faceplanted in her coffee table, seemingly intent on burrowing a hole into it and hiding forever. “Ms. Twilight, I can assure you it doesn’t interface with my coffee table.”

“Huh, Momstress wha—?” Twilight rose up as bleary as a badger in daylight. “S-sorry, I-I was just...contemplating.” Specifically about the possibility that the pony known as Twilight Sparkle was conceived in a secret stallion slave training facility in San Franciscolt – but Rosemary didn’t need to know that she was having an existential crisis there and then. “Where were we?” Existential crisis postponed.

“How about filling in your registration form? Then you can name me while you’re at it.” The PipSub suggested, enthusiastically. “You don’t know how excited I am about all that paperwork! Hint: Very.”

“Oh, uh, thanks, PipSub?” Twilight winced at the name. “We totally need to get you a new name.” ‘“Source of all existential crises” being a top candidate,’ She added quietly to herself.

“Don’t thank her yet.” Rosemary smiled impishly as she levitated over the black tome. “At least, not until I’ve helped you through this application form.”

“Is the form in here?” Twilight asked as she took the book into her hooves.

“No, Ms. Twilight, that is the form.” Rosemary said, watching Twilight’s expression intently. Rosemary’s expectant look turned into one of quiet disappointment at the alicorn’s lack of reaction. “Ms. Twilight, most ponies either surrender unconditionally, faint dramatically or both upon seeing our application form. Could it be, you’re an entirely new class of masochist?”

“W-what? N-no!” Twilight gasped, “I-I mean, I’ve seen bigger and thicker ones!”

“Ms. Twilight, I don’t know whether to be awed or scared,” Rosemary chuckled, slipping Twilight’s badge into its groove on the registration tome. “I suppose we’ll find out when we finish filling this in.”

Twilight carefully studied her B.S.S.F. to-do list. It had been nearly two weeks since she completed her registration with Rosemary but there were still a lot of items left to tick off between ‘registering’ and ‘getting tied up and made into Doc’s sex slave’. While ‘Dark Dalliances’ had gone into great detail about how a mare may be methodically broken into a cum-addicted sex toy devoted to worshipping stallion cock, it and all the other books she had read had entirely skipped the essentials such as attending a health checkup at Ponyville General, the long series of orientation classes, and existential crises.

She took a slow, deep breath and counted to ten. ‘No, it’s alright, Twilight. Finding out that your mother wrote the Safe Word guide for mare subs is perfectly alright. It only means the pony known as Twilight Sparkle could have also been conceived in a secret mare slave training facility in Ponyville. Now you could deliberate your existence out of a choice of not just one but two potential crises! And it doesn’t matter because you won’t be able to look either of your parents in the eye forever and ever!’

“‘Ponder existential crisis’ isn’t scheduled until Wednesday afternoon, Twilight.” The little kindlesprite poked her head out of the open badge sitting on the cafe table. While she could easily pass her off as a book sprite, Twilight was still extra careful about where she allowed her to show herself. The Haybale Cafe’s private tea rooms were, surprisingly, one of many ‘safe houses’ for Society members when meeting outside the Society, as she found out from Rarity. Apparently the cafe makes excellent business being Ponyville’s choice public hotspot for Society members. As it turns out, so was Ponyville for the rest of Equestria, by virtue of being the closest settlement to Clocktower Equestria East. In fact Twilight had learned from Rosemary that she and many others chose to move to Ponyville for that exact reason. Who would have thought that, of all the towns for her to settle in, it would be the one with the biggest concentration of kinky ponies?

Surely it was a coincidence? ‘Nope, don’t need more existential crises, not until next Wednesday.’

“Oh, um, yes, thank you.” Twilight blinked, quickly pausing and filing away her existential crises for Wednesday afternoon.

“Are you happy with the rest of your to-do list, Twilight?” The sprite asked.

“Well, ‘happy’ will be getting through it by the end of week, Bell Chime. Still, thank you for putting it together for me.” She smiled down at her new assistant for all kink-related matters. While Spike would forever be her number one assistant, there was no way a baby dragon was going to schedule her collar-measuring for her.

She could practically hear imaginary-Spike’s snarky remarks, ‘Heh, think I should schedule two days for the leash? It needs to be long, very long.’

“Well, ‘happy’ for me is doing what I can to make your stay at the Society as pleasant and pleasurable as possible!” Bell trilled, tilting her head to one side. Ever since Twilight had loaded her registration into her PipSub’s spell matrix and formally christened Bell Chime, the little sprite had been nothing but eager to help with absolutely everything. “If you want, I can show you a recommended Society reading list based on what you’ve read so far, starting with ‘Singing to Your Master’s Cock and the Art of Deepthroating by….’”

“Y-you don’t have to, ‘k, th-thanks!” Twilight squeaked.

Perhaps a little too helpful.

Still, there was something about going through the motions of joining a kinky society, an odd sense of empowerment. For a mare who had always been in the dark when it comes to romance, always following her herd’s lead, it felt like she was finally going out and doing something really daring of her own in pursuit of love. It was a big, courageous leap, one that left her overflowing with leftover confidence in herself. It felt like having gone this far, she could do anything.

“Oh Twilight, songbird darling, I hope I didn’t make you wait too long. I simply did not expect that mare to haggle at a charity bazaar. Charity! The nerve of some ponies!” Graceful chaos entered the private tea room in the form of Rarity, storming way ahead of the harried waiter struggling to ‘lead’ her to her chair. An empty art bag was unceremoniously deposited in an empty chair before Rarity flumped into the one nearest Twilight. The defeated waiter made a token attempt at trying to push her chair in and offering a napkin before sagging out of the room to take a well-earned ice break.

Rarity’s flustered entry gave Twilight enough time to compose herself, mostly in the form of pushing all thoughts of singing around Doc’s cock out of her head. Feeling her newfound daring well up, Twilight leaned in and gave her herd sister a playful peck.

“And when I kindly pointed out the proceeds were going to the homeless changelings, she—….” Rarity’s voice died away, her face turning the colour of the princess of love. “S-S-Songbird d-dear! Y-you….” She gasped.

“Hello to you too, Rarity.” Twilight somehow managed to pull off a smooth delivery in spite of the triumphant excitement bubbling within her. “I’m sorry to hear you had such a bad morning.”

“N-n-nu, nu b-bad, ver’gud.” Rarity quickly cleared her throat theatrically. “A-ahem, all the better for seeing you, darling.” She smiled, her rosy cheeks more radiant than Twilight had ever seen. “My, my songbird has become especially bold since I saw her last. Filling in that ghastly registration form with Rosemary didn’t… break you somehow, did it?” Rarity frowned, cupping Twilight’s cheek to look her in the eye.

“Rarity, I’m fine!” Twilight giggled.

“Detecting no mind-altering magic in effect!” Bell Chime chirped helpfully from where she sat on Twilight’s withers.

“See?” Twilight smiled.

“Oh, this must be the new edition PipSub model. Isn’t it just darling?” Rarity cooed, petting the little sprite. Bell Chime purred happily under her touch. “Oh, Twilight, nopony has been able to get their hooves on one of these yet. You’ll be an absolute trendsetter at the Society!”

“Rarity, meet Bell Chime. Bell Chime, my herd sister, Rarity.” Twilight said.

“I am ecstatic to meet you, Ms. Rarity. I detect you are carrying an older model PipSub. I recommend you upgrade and transfer your kindlesprite to my model soon.” Bell Chime said. “Twilight, would you like me to register Ms. Rarity in your contact list under ‘herd’, ‘switch’, ‘anal sex instructor’, horn….”

“Anal ins-... I-I mean, h-herd is fine, Bell Chime!” Twilight squeaked, snapping her badge shut, causing Bell Chime’s form to dissolve into thin air. “Eheh, I’m still working things out with her. Sorry.” She murmured sheepishly.

“Oh, ah, don’t mind me, Twilight, darling.” Rarity murmured, awkwardly.

“Uh, well, um, where were we? Oh, right, I don’t blame you for worrying about the registration form.” Twilight chuckled awkwardly as she subtly changed the subject. “I haven’t filled in a form that detailed since my application for my insanely-high-energy-magical-research license.” Twilight said, pouring her herd sister a cup of tea before adding a sugar and a touch of cream, just the way Rarity liked it. “Everything from my name and gender identity to nationality, and even a declaration of any previous criminal incarceration in any dungeon, statue, dimension, or celestial body.”

“To think they weren’t even asking about your kinks yet.” Rarity giggled infectiously. “Oh, yes, the Society is nothing if not absolutely anal about safety and security. That said, even the likes of Discord was allowed to join, so it’s all ‘case by case’ I suppose.” She rolled her eyes diplomatically.

‘Not. Even. Surprised.’ Twilight deadpanned inwardly. Nopony, not even a draconequus chaos god, could top her parents for top surprise Society member. “I wonder what Discord put down for that part on ‘occupation’ and ‘proof of household earnings’.”

“Oh, well struck, Twilight darling.” Rarity gave a most unladylike snigger. “Well, if ‘best princess’ is an acceptable entry…” She gave Twilight an eyebrow.

“Hey.”

“You do know it is absolutely true, darling. Come, argue it. I. Dare. You.” Rarity smirked, stealing a victory nuzzle that only flustered Twilight further. “In all seriousness, though, it’s all about sex and kink being addictive. Shirking responsibilities is one of the first signs of addiction, so they say.”

“The question then, is what is Discord addicted to?” Twilight mused out loud.

“Oh, Twilight, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you had some sort of grudge against the draconequus.” Rarity giggled. “As for ‘what’, well, you and I could hardly imagine ‘who’.”

“Wait,” Twilight blinked, “You can’t mean….”

“Oh, don’t you worry, Twilight dearest, our dear friend is more than capable of handling her own. She is one of the Society’s most prominent switches after all.”

“Huh? But...wha...?” Twilight felt an eye twitch dangerously. “Are we talking about the same pony?”

“Yes, we are talking about Red Heart, are we not?” Rarity’s smile was brimming with mischief. The two very quickly broke down in giggles at Red Heart’s expense.

“Oh, Rarity, you really shouldn’t. I won’t be able to look Red Heart in the eye when I go for the Society health checkup tomorrow.” Twilight giggled. “Still, I’m kind of impressed with how thorough the Society is with health certification and everything.”

“In case you trip over any red tape lying around, I suppose.” Rarity smiled. “Still, in all seriousness, darling, I agree it is reassuring to know that the Society works to prevent any risk of disease or injury to anypony.” She glanced curiously at the pile of papers lying beside Twilight’s guide book and PipSub. “Oh, what are you working on now, Twi dearest?”

“Oh, this?” Twilight carefully shuffled the papers together to show her herd sister. “This is my application for a temporary collar, you know, the one we need to get down to the dungeons the first time. It was funny how the least unexpected thing on that registration form was whether I was a sub, dom or the other stuff.”

“HwhaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAaaaat?!” Rarity practically shrieked. “O-oh, I’m ever so sorry for my outburst, but these temporary collars are positively ghastly! Arguably something as beautiful and profound as a collar should be fashioned in finest haute couture. I’ve been asking prince dearest to allow me to raise our collar standards to at least tolérable couture if nothing else, but the Society can be a little stubborn about progress.” She rolled her eyes with practiced grace as she crumpled up the collar application form into a humbled ball. “No, no, no, my dearest, most beloved, most cherished songbird must not have to suffer this insult.”

“But even if I were to visit one of the better collarsmith boutiques, I still wouldn’t know what to look for in a quality collar. It wouldn’t make a big difference either way.” Twilight pointed out.

“Ah, but Twilight dearest, you are looking at your salvation from absolute fashion disaster!” Rarity beamed.

“A crumpled ball of paper?” Twilight looked down at the ball in Rarity’s hooves.

“No, Twi dearest, me! Your princess!” Rarity practically wailed in despair. “I am a Society-approved collarsmith! I ask, nay, demand the honour and privilege of crafting your collar for you. I insist!”

The crazed glint in Rarity’s eyes told Twilight the unicorn was ready to do more than simply insist if she dared say anything other than ‘yes’. Daring as she felt, she wasn’t about to risk it, at least not without re-reading what the safewords were. “Um, yes?”

“Waa-haa-Haa-haaaaaa!” Rarity gave a laughter-cry of triumph before quickly lifting a napkin up to save what little grace she had left. “A-ahem, I mean, ideaaa.” She said, in a more collected tone. “I already have the perfect collar in mind, one worthy of the Princess of Slaves. I should get to work on it as soon as possible. Do you know what collar coding you will be needing, dearest?”

Twilight gave Rarity one of her rare deadpan looks and pointed down at the crumpled ball of paper.

“Oh.” Rarity eyed the paper ball as if it were the Element of Awkwardness. “Uh, yes, I, um, was just hoping to find inspiration in the creases.” She gave Twilight a watery smile as she smoothed the form back out. “I’ll borrow these if you don’t mind then, darling?”

“I don’t think Rosemary would be impressed if I submitted a paper ball anyway.” Twilight chuckled. “Thank you, Rarity, I’m so glad you’re my herd sister and nopony else.” She swooped in for another daring surprise hug, earning her a squeak from the ensnuggled unicorn. The whole daring romantic thing was coming more and more naturally to her.

“I love you too, songbird dearest,” Rarity cooed, seemingly surprised at Twilight’s hug but happily so, returning it with a tight one of her own. “Oh, look at the time,” she murmured distractedly, releasing Twilight to pull a quietly humming object out of her own saddlebags. Twilight recognized it as Rarity’s own member badge, almost indistinguishable from her own. She flipped the cover open with her magic, her expression thoughtful. “It’s my alarm for the meeting. I was simply worried I would get caught up in that charity bazaar.”

“Thanks again for accompanying me for this meeting, by the way, Rarity.” Twilight said, gratefully. “I already have twittermites in my stomach with you next to me, I think I’d be a wreck without.”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world, songbird darling. Oh, my dearest Princess is finally meeting her Society mentors! Oh, oh, I-I-I think I’m having a m-moment….” Rarity hiccupped into a napkin. Twilight did a quick, cursory glance around the room in case she might finally get her chance to solve the mystery of where Rarity keeps her emergency drama couch stashed. “Oooh, I’m fine, I’m fine.” Rarity waved a forehoof frantically. “Just...just relax, Twilight dearest, they are nopony scary. Everypony at the society gets four mentors, two subs and two doms, two of whom are ponies you’ll be close to, two others near-strangers, so you’ll have a mix of approachable and impartial ponies to talk to if you run into any problems. They are always very nice ponies, so you have absolutely nothing to worry about. Alright?”

“U-um, Princess Twilight, Ms. Rarity, I-I hope I’m not interrupting?” There was a knock on the door. “Your, um, g-g-guests have arrived,” the familiar voice of the waiter announced, an unmistakeable shiver in his voice.

“Nothing can flap Maitre’D, not even that one time he became very accidental collateral in our struggle against that bug bear,” Rarity whispered.

“Collateral? You stuffed him in Pinkie’s party cannon!” Twilight hissed back.

“All is fair in love and war. Speaking of love, my point stands. Whatever unnerved Maitre’D is…..oh, oh, it’s coming in!” Rarity squeaked as the door slowly creaked open. “D-D-Don’t w-worry, songbird dearest, I-I’ll protect you!”

“Agreed. Worry not, friend Twilight, We too shall join Rarity in protecting thy rump from all that might threaten it.” The Night herself slouched blearily into the room before promptly collapsing into a chair. “After We awaken, mayhaps bathing in a blessed cup of coffee. Or ten. Friend servant, make it thus! And ensure Our privacy with thine own life if thou must!”

“P-Princess Luna?!” Twilight and Rarity couldn’t decide whether to stand up from their chairs or bow and opted for faceplanting onto the table and corkscrewing their horns into the wood.

“Twilight, please, We….I am thy Society mentor of superior approachabilityness, not to mention thine equal in princesshoodibility. And it is too early in the day. As such, please dispense with the headbanging. ’Tis a sore upon mine poor ears,” Luna muttered, burying her own face in her crossed hooves. “And move that dratted sun out of Our face, friend servant!”

“Y-yes, y-your highness. R-right away!” The normally cool and collected Maitre’D made to scamper out of the room.

“And three orders of cinnamon nuts and peanut butter crackers while you’re at it.” Another lofty voice stopped Maitre’D at the door. “Psst, add it to the Princess’ tab.”

“A mere three orders of nuttiness is too paltry a sum to grace the tab of the Night! Friend servant, make that ten!” Luna barked.

“No.” Twilight whispered softly in horror.

“It can’t be—” Rarity mouthed.

“Now, excuse me, the Great and Powerful Trrixie is now a mentor to a new and important pony of status worthy of Trixie’s attention. Trixie wasn’t even aware she knew anypony of the sort, but such things often do escape the attentions of ponies of as much greatness and powerfulness as Trixie.”

Twilight curled up into a little ball, silently willing herself to drown in the cup of tea before her. But not even that afforded her any escape from a reality where Trixie Lulamoon was her Society mentor.

“Oh, hello, Twilight Sparkle.” Trixie’s voice unfortunately sat itself just opposite her. “Trixie is so glad you have come to witness Trixie being appointed mentor to somepony important enough to justify the great and powerful Trixie’s precious time and attention! Witness Trixie, Twilight! Witness her while we wait!”

Twilight felt a little part of her whimper as it died a slow and painful death.

“Friend Lulamoon, dost—do you read?” Luna asked.

“Hmmm?” Trixie blessedly paused.

“The act of ridding ignorance through partaking of the written word, ‘reading’, friend Lulamoon, do you do it?” Luna demanded.

“Th-that is beneath Trixie’s significant talents—”

“Then indulge us. Tell me, prithee, did you abase yourself in any ridding of ignorance through partaking of your mentor briefing?” Luna asked, pointedly. “Do you even know the pony you are to mentor henceforth?”

“T-Trixie is certain a pony...worthy of...Trixie’s...attentions will be... obvious, so—” Trixie’s voice withered away into the ether under the all-consuming weight of the Night’s own intense attention. “I-I-I’d r-really like to read, p-pretty please.” A PipSub-locked tome bound in white velvet materialized in front of her in a flash of blue magic. “Th-thank you, y-your highness.” She levitated her own badge out of her hat and inserted it into the lock on the cover.

“This way, Cherry. I’m mostly sure this is the right ro—” A steel gray earth pony stallion with a uniquely minty mane froze mid-step at the door at the sight of the public unicorn grilling, his expression one of a deer caught on a collision course with the moon.

“Good, because we are so dead if we—” A small dark lavender pegasus sporting a cherry-red mane ran into the stallion’s hind legs. “What the hay, Sip?! What’re you—oh.”

“This—” The stallion seemed to put a lot of effort into swallowing the desert that was his tongue, “—is the wrong room. A very wrong room.”

The pegasus dropped her voice to a deathly whisper. “Sip, no sudden moves. If you stand there, I might be able to use you as cover and not die.”

“Ah, art thou the cover pony? Most excellent!” Luna boomed. “Be a champion unto the realm and position thy posterior yonder where thou mightst valiantly shield Our complexion from yon sun! Our gratitude shall come bountiful and plenty!”

Rarity could only bury her face in her hooves as the poor stallion sidled over to the seat by the window to receive careful degree-by-degree correction from Luna until his form properly eclipsed the Princess of the Moon.

“And thou, loyal guardspony!” Luna barked at the poor little pegasus.

“F-former,” the pegasus squeaked.

“Loyal former guardspony, We have reserved the best seat in the house for thee! Come! Plant thy hindquarters next to Ours!” Luna rapped a hoof on the chair next to hers. The poor little pegasus eyed the chair with dread typically reserved for dungeons or a broken Pinkie promise. “Huzzah, now our merry company is complete!”

“I—Trixie is mentoring Twilight Sparkle?!” The moment was interrupted by dawn on planet Trixie. “T-Trixie knew that,” she quickly added, narrowly averting an apocalyptic eclipse.

“Capital. Now that we are on the same page—” Luna glanced down at Trixie’s reading, “Or at least page one—” She treated Trixie to another withering look. “Let us commence this meeting by introducing ourselves. We—I mean, I may be somepony else outside this room, but here I am Luna, your equal in our efforts to guide our new member. I have been a member of the Society since before it was even called the ‘Clocktower Society’, so long enough. I am a submissive-leaning ’switch’, as you call it today – emphasis on submissive. I welcome any and all questions and matters in being a submissive and, shall we say, managing one’s dom.” She pulled her own Society badge out of a hidden slot in her peytral and placed it on the table, tapping it open. The device lit up, projecting her Society registration into the air above it.

“Nopony could possibly not know the Great and… um… humble Trixie.” Trixie peered up at Luna to check for approval. “Trixie is a dom-leaning switch. I guess I could kind of help you if you’re worried about anything regarding your dom.” She carefully closed the mentor’s briefing book to tap the PipSub locked to its cover, allowing it to open and show her own Society registration.

“I seem to be a sunscreen,” the earth pony stallion said.

“Do not sell thyself short, good stallion. Thou art a most excellent sunscreen. I have not had to complain about the sun for a whole ten minutes!” Luna exclaimed.

The pegasus gave the stallion a sharp nudge to his ribs. He returned it with a look that might not curdle milk but at the very least quietly disapproved of it. “I’m honoured to meet you, Princess Twilight, Ms. Rarity. I’m—”

“Sip,” the pegasus supplied for him with a cheeky grin.

“—Silent Pride,” he muttered, deciding to turn his anti-pegasus scowl up to ‘milk-curdling’. “Though, yes, you may call me ‘Sip’ if you wish.”

“Only if you call me ‘Twilight’,” Twilight said with a friendly smile. “You too.” She nodded at the pegasus who beamed back. “And...you.” She deadpanned at Trixie.

“Yes, I know who you are, this briefing is very clear on that,” Trixie muttered without looking up from her paperwork. “Gasp, oh, you’re a princess?! Now Trixie certainly didn’t know that!” The sarcasm was so thick Twilight could probably cut through it with her horn if there wasn’t somewhere else she desperately wanted to stuff it..

“Can I go on now?” Sip muttered in Trixie’s direction. “I’ve been a member of the Society going on ten years now. I’ve made all the beginner mistakes so you don’t have to. Let’s see, I should also mention I’m a dom. So like this lady—” He looked as if comparing himself to the loud unicorn next to him was a questionable life choice. “—I am happy to be approached if you are ever worried about anything dom-related, or otherwise.” He pulled his own PipSub out of his saddlebags.

“And I’m Cherry Stellar!” The bubbly pegasus’ jubilant declaration ended in a slight lisping tic, putting into mind the twittering of a bird. Her size and fluffiness only served to cement the image of an excitable little bird.

“You look a lot like the default kindlesprite,” Twilight said before she could stop herself.

“I was wondering about that myself, Cherry. Now that somepony else has gone and said it—” Sip leaned in.

“Oh, yeah, that. You see, I model for a lot of things at the Society. In fact, it’s easier to just show you.” She pulled out a rolled up poster from her saddlebags and unfurled it on the table. Everypony took a look, before slowly leaning in and finally staring, quite intently, at the pin-up.

“That...is a show alright,” Sip murmured, shifting a little. “You seriously carry these everywhere?”

“It makes Society introductions so much easier.” Cherry grinned.

“Trixie is not jealous,” Trixie asserted, unconvincingly.

“This is for sale at the society, I gather?” Luna asked, innocently.

“Anyway, somewhere along the line they decided to style the guide mascot after me, y’know, ‘K.C.’, ‘Kink Cadet’, the pony you see on all the guidebooks,” Cherry explained, “The kindlesprites kind of followed on from that. I am also the —bullet points — greatest, cutest, most awesome, most dashing, most dote-worthy pony you’ll ever meet. New paragraph….” She giggled, watching as Twilight diligently took notes on a napkin.

“Hay, all of that applies to Trixie! Trixie demands you correct that offending napkin!” Trixie called out.

“I’m also best submissive ever,” Cherry went on, pulling her own badge out from underneath a wing. “I am a crystal bell slave and I’m in every guild ever. I might not have millennia of experience, but I know a thing or two about subbing.”

“Is that all?” Trixie smirked, “Well, not too bad for a filly, I—”

“I also survived the Quiet and the Artisan Prime of the Breaking Guild himself. Unscathed.” Cherry tweeted softly.

Silence fell upon the room at the mention of those-who-must-not-be-mentioned. The sun relieved the sunscreen Sip by hiding behind a cloud. Trixie, Rarity, even Luna peeked cautiously at the door for any telltale shadows sweeping in to spirit ponies away to the rumoured depths of the mysterious breaking chambers.

Sip only rolled his eyes at the theatrics.

Twilight felt like she missed something, even as the submissives and switches in the room all looked at Cherry with a mixture of both awe and concern.

“Ahem, well, moving on swiftly,” Sip was the first to rally, waving a hoof at Twilight and Rarity. “Would the two of you like to give a brief introduction?”

“Thanks, Sip. Well, you all probably know me better than I do now after all your reading—” Twilight deadpanned at Trixie, to which Trixie only mouthed, ‘bite me’. “—But I’m the new pony, Twilight. I guess I’ve decided I’m a submissive. Uh, and, well, I’m really thankful you all took the time to come here to meet me today,” she finished awkwardly. She had a feeling these meetings were normally less formal, but nopony could help it around poor Luna, unfortunately. “You may also know my really sweet herd sister, Rarity.”

“Oh, Twilight dearest, you know flattery will get you nowhere with me,” Rarity said modestly. “But I’m ever so thrilled to meet my darling Twilight’s mentors, and ever so glad you are all such remarkable ponies.”

“Oh, and this is Bell Chime.” Twilight opened her badge, allowing Bell to poke her little head out.

“Hello, I’m Bell Chime! Oh, Twilight already said that, oops.” Bell giggled, waving a little see-through hoof at the others.

“Oh, is that the latest edition PipSub? I’ve heard so much about it!” Cherry gushed excitedly. “Oh, she’s so cute like me! I want one!”

“Trixie is not jealous. Not at all,” Trixie muttered with an almighty pout. “Stupid princess privileges.”

“There has been a lot of hype around this new model.” Even Silent Pride broke his silence to peer at the excited little kindlesprite. “I suppose I can see why.”

“Oh, Twilight, you’ll be the absolute talk of the Society when you walk in with this cutie!” Cherry squeed. “Absolutely nopony else has even been able to see one of these let alone get one.”

Luna looked thoughtfully at the device before looking back up at Twilight. “Did Jet Set give this to you personally, Twilight?” she asked, pointedly.

“Um, no, my recruitment officer did,” Twilight said, uncertainly.

Luna bit her lip in thought before shaking her head, seemingly putting the thought away for later. “Anyhow, Twilight, as your mentors we’d like to be the first to welcome you on behalf of the Society,” she said to a chorus of nods and smiles from her fellow mentors, even Trixie. “To our friend Rarity, congratulations on your herd sister finally joining the fold.” Nopony missed the emphasis on ‘finally’, especially not Rarity. “Twilight, it is always important to emphasize at the outset that we mentors are not superiors, but a resource for you to draw on. Everypony at the Society has four mentors, even I. This is to provide members with a variety of experiences and opinions to call upon. Mentors answer questions, provide support, and address concerns. While this is most important when you first join, know that your mentors are yours to call upon if you ever need us.” She said to murmured assent from the others. “Now that all that needs to be said has been well and truly said, let us conclude the formalities by updating our contact lists and finally move on to more important matters such as the ingestion of quality sweetmeats!”

Twilight watched as her mentors and Rarity wasted no time in reaching for their PipSubs. She looked down at Bell Chime who saluted back up at her. “Adding everypony to your contact list under ‘mentors’ now, Twilight. Would you also like to add Princess Luna under ‘whipping instructors’, ‘cock worship instructors’, ‘deepthroating instructors’, ‘figging instructor’, ‘waterspo—’...”

Twilight shut her badge so quickly she set off a mini Twi-boom. She gave a teeny pony squee as she slowly, fearfully looked up, expecting Nightmare Moon towering over her. She wasn’t alone, seeing as the rest of the table had tumble-dived for cover underneath the table. To her surprise, however, Luna seemed a picture of perfect calm. “I pride myself in my skills as an instructor. I would take cock-worship lessons from me. You shall do well to do the same,” she said, nonplussed.

Twilight nodded quickly, her smile stiff and weak. “Uh, Bell Chime? Please add Luna under ‘cock worship instructors’.” She looked thoughtful for a moment before adding in a whisper, “And ‘deepthroating’, and everything else. Yes, ‘figging’ too, whatever that is.”

“Hmmm, I thank you for indulging my request to examine her. Bell Chime appears to be in fine working order.” Luna nodded with a hint of resignation in her voice as she levitated the PipSub back across the table to Twilight. “It is quite a masterwork of magical engineering, a grand leap from the PipSub the rest of us use right now.”

“No problem at all, Luna.” Twilight smiled, pocketing her PipSub securely in her saddlebags. “Are you...worried somepony might have tampered with it?” She dropped her voice, despite the fact that the two of them were the only remaining ponies in the private tea room. The other mentors had taken their leave after another hour of social chatter. Rarity herself had to leave to pick up Opal from the vet. Only Luna had remained, seemingly interested in her PipSub.

“Oh.” Luna raised an eyebrow. “No, no. I heard you’ve already met our mutual ‘friend’. No, underhoofed methods like that are unlike him. But it is fact that there is a lot of, well, ‘hype’ as Silent Pride put it, around this new model and that Jet Set is very much publicly credited for it. The fact that you were given the first working product makes one wonder if it is mere coincidence.” Luna fell silent for a moment, seemingly thoughtful “Are you attending your orientation classes?” she suddenly asked.

“Oh, yes,” Twilight nodded, the sudden topic change not escaping her.

“Are you making new friends in class?” Luna continued.

Twilight couldn’t help but giggle at that. “Oh, yes, I’ve met quite a few interesting ponies.”

“I am glad to hear that.” Luna smiled. “Do any of them have the new model PipSub?”

“Ah.” Twilight realized what Luna was getting at. “No, they all made the same excited fuss over mine.”

“Hmm.” Luna nodded, cupping her chin in a forehoof. “Well, intriguing as it is, I see no obvious advantage to anypony but yourself for now. I’m sorry if I made you worry needlessly. You shouldn’t, not when you should focus on ensuring a smooth admission into the Society.”

“If you say so, Luna.” Twilight nodded, though she still filed the matter away with a mental note of caution.

“Sorry, I still retain this bad habit of souring perfectly good repartee. Are you enjoying the classes, at least?” Luna asked, a little more conversationally.

“Oh, yes.” Twilight’s face lit up with that shine afforded only by the talk of knowledge and education. “A lot of talks and workshops about safe words, safety and security, reproductive health, mare health, equipment handling, what to do in emergencies, and more fascinating stuff about the history of the Society and even a tiny bit about the Fire of Devotion.” Twilight gave a sudden chuckle, “The topics are interesting enough, but it sometimes feels the instructors are just keeping us distracted, you know, before they randomly have the classroom’s spatial simulation spell emulate approaching storms, cliffsides or volcanoes and make us all stand up and shout the safewords or ring the practice safety bells.”

“Oh, yes, would you believe that practice has been maintained across the Society worldwide for millennia?” Luna chuckled fondly at Twilight’s animated recollection. “It’s a vestige of training once used during the war against the Windigos. The expectation is that no matter what you are focusing on—and no doubt during play there will be plenty of distractions—you should always remain vigilant for the safety of yourself and those around you.”

“Oh, that makes sense.” Twilight made a note of that on her already-saturated napkin.

“Your eagerness is a boon to my heart. I am glad, nay, proud, that I was selected to be your mentor, Twilight.” Luna smiled softly. “It is nice to know that this old nag can still benefit the Society in some way.”

The sense of melancholy in the lunar monarch was not lost on Twilight. “Oh, Luna, I am sure any institution in Equestria benefits from having a princess or two involved. There are social studies that show royal endorsement improves productivity and public credibility and….”

“Yes, that was certainly reflected in today’s meeting,” Luna muttered under her breath, glaring at the empty cinnamon nut bowls as if they had personally insulted her flanks.

“Luna…” Twilight murmured, suddenly uncertain of what to say. She had sensed the unease in the others sharing the room with the ruler of the night. It wasn’t exactly subtle. “You know that those of us who know you well, your friends, we always love your company.”

“I do not doubt that in the slightest, friend Twilight. And I am eternally grateful for that. Do not worry about me and my sudden bouts of melancholy. I need only remind myself why I work to further the Society’s interests. It is only there, behind our masks, under our collars, that we are treated equal in the pursuit of mutual, as you put it, ‘fun’.”

“I...never thought of it that way, what the Society means that is,” Twilight admitted, feeling a sudden sense of awe. “Would you mind if I note that down?”

Luna paused midway through stowing her PipSub in the hidden slot in her peytral. “I...yes, Twilight, you may.” The Princess of the Night smiled unexpectedly, the most genuine smile she had ever seen her wear. “I am honoured that you value it enough to write it down. The Society, submission, dominance, devotion, all that means something different to everypony, Twilight. I would be interested to learn what else you discover, both from other ponies and yourself.”

“Would you like me to write you regular, ahem, ‘devotion reports’, Luna?” Twilight grinned.

Luna giggled one of her rare giggles. She stood silent in thought for a moment before nodding to herself. “No, Twilight. Talking to you about our mutual interest has been so refreshing, you have infected me with your enthusiasm to rediscover the Society. I propose we make it a mutual exchange of ‘reports’ on our discoveries and revelations. While I hear your new kindlesprite can fly about and deliver your messages for you, you are familiar with how the current messaging system works, yes?”

“The PipSub deposits and picks up messages whenever you insert it into a Pip-point on one of the mailboxes around the Society, I think?” Twilight said.

“Correct.” Luna nodded, “I am truly looking forwards to our correspondence, Twilight. Both my anticipation and gratitude are boundless. If you have any questions or concerns about anything, just ask. You and your herd have my counsel, support and resources at your disposal any time, day or night.”

“Thank you, Luna. And you know you have a friend right here, right?” Twilight smiled.

“I do not doubt that in the slightest, Twilight.” Luna said. “I should teleport my way home to save commotion for the poor servant staff. I bid you farewell for now.” With one last smile the elder alicorn disappeared in a shower of bright blue sparkles.

Twilight smiled fondly at the last of the sparkles. It was fun in an almost school-filly-ish way to share a harmless if naughty secret pastime with somepony, something she had certainly never gotten to enjoy with Celestia. If she ever had even the slightest doubts that her friendship with Luna was more than a formality, those doubts had well and truly been dashed.

Not to mention that Luna had paid the bill, as Twilight found out on leaving. If that wasn’t a friendly gesture, she didn’t know what was.

As she trotted out into the afternoon sun, she couldn’t help but notice the scent of cinnamon nuts follow her. She looked around curiously. It didn’t take her long to find the source, along with her trademark cape and hat. “You’re still here,” Twilight remarked, simply.

“Oh, Twilight Sparkle, do you know how long Trixie waited out here for you? Three bags of cinnamon nuts, that’s how long.” Trixie crumpled her empty take-away bag and teleported it into a wastebin nearby. “Good thing the Princess was paying, huh?”

Twilight felt a hair twang perfectly perpendicular to her mane in protest at how utterly impossible this unicorn was. “You didn’t save any for Starlight?”

“Oh, Trixie is cooking dinner for her later. Wouldn’t want to spoil Starlight’s dinner.” Trixie grinned widely. Her grin died away a little at Twilight’s rather sour look. “I… um, alright, fine, I’m sorry, Twilight! There, I said it! I’m sorry for being difficult, I’m sorry they ran out of alicorns and sent the next best… alright, maybe not-so-best thing to be your mentor, and I’m also still very sorry for all the other things like enslaving the town and teleporting and losing your Friendship map and…”

“You did what to my Friendship map?!” Twilight balked in horror.

“I….take it you didn’t know about the Friendship map. Uh, it was kinda maybe half Starlight’s fau—okay, no, it was all my fault.” She hung her head, her guilt so genuine Twilight couldn’t help but be taken aback. “Alright, look, I know I kinda sorta maybe mess things up sometimes, but I want you to know, Twilight, I… you see… gah, I’m a showmare, why does this whole ‘talking’ thing have to be so difficult?! You see, Starlight, she’s the only one who’s ever believed I can actually do anything. Yeah, me, Trixie Lulamoon and her cheap parlor tricks, Starlight trusted me enough to rely on me to save Equestria. That, everything, Starlight, means the world to me, Twilight. And you, the Society, all of that means the world to Starlight. This is my one opportunity to do right by what matters to her, to do right by you. And maybe this time Trixie might actually not mess it up! So please, give Trixie a chance, pretty please!” Trixie panted, seemingly unloading everything off her chest including her lungs. “And… please don’t mention any of this to Starlight, ever. Like, pretty please.” She added, blushing profusely.

Twilight was stunned. The mare who admitted to befriending her student to get back at her, who enslaved her town, who she feared was going to become a thorn in her joining the Society, was doing the impossible and apologizing, even asking her for a chance.

… Not to mention there was that little revelation that her very own student was also a Society member and probably, possibly, maybe, likely Trixie’s sub…

She decided not to go there.

Still, the mare seemed sincere, at least. Maybe… just maybe...

“Cinnamon nuts?” Twilight asked, offering some from her own saddlebags.

“T-Twilight…” Trixie looked up at Twilight, hope in her eyes. “Does this mean…?”

“It means I like cinnamon nuts. You do too.” Twilight shrugged. “Maybe we can start there. Besides, the Princess is paying after all.”

“Pffft.” Trixie stifled a giggle. “Hay, you might be alright after all, Twilight,” she said, taking a few. “I mean it, Twi’wight, yuu can chount on me if you haf any Shoshiety pwobwems, evew! Hust ashk!”

“I kinda want to count on you to not talk with your mouth full,” Twilight sighed with a half-smile. “I guess I can kind of get where you’re coming from. I’ve always felt like I’m just running as hard as I can to catch up with how loving my herd is. But joining the society, doing all this, well, it feels like I’m finally doing something of my own for them.”

“Wow, that’s reaaaaal weeeeird,” Trixie deadpanned, “But y’know what, I get that, it’s like how I feel I can finally do things right as long as it’s for Starlight.”

“That’s… kinda what I said…” Twilight gave a resigned smile. Perhaps, just perhaps, given enough time, effort, patience and a whole load of painkillers, she might be able to start to see what Starlight sees in Trixie.

“Aaaargh! Cinnamon powder up my nose! Cinnamon powder up my nose! Ah! Aaaah!” Trixie suddenly snorted in cinnamon-induced panic.

Twilight bit her lip. No, Starlight was just crazy, and that was that.