Edited by and special thanks to The Cake Devil

Celestia let out a content sigh as she levitated the final scroll to her right, signed, sealed and ready for her proclamation next to the other untold number of scrolls swarming the great mahogany coloured desk she sat at. Lit only by the small number of candles that dotted around the enormous desk and a roaring fire inside the wall behind her.

It had been a pleasant day, long, but ultimately fulfilling. Like gardening in the baking heat of the sun, it had been hard work to be certain. But as she laid down her last ‘batch of flowers’ she found herself observing her shrubbery of documents with a proud smile. She had finally succeeded in catching up to her to-do list, which, as of nine am that very morning, was about the length of her whole body, and that was simply the shortened down version. Still though, she had caught up and was proud of herself because of it, and better yet, now that she was finished she was free to enjoy her weekend as she saw fit. Well, she was about as free as a co-Monarch who was in control of a country as vast and disaster prone as Equestria could consider themselves free.

And that meant just one thing. Enjoying one of pony kinds second oldest past times.

Getting blackout drunk.

Inveterately she looked over both shoulders, scanning all of her personal bed chambers from the enormous white bed to the golden engraved doors which lead to the main chambers of her own tower. She felt silly doing so, she knew she was the only one around, not that there was anything wrong with what she was doing, well, she wouldn’t think so anyway. Though at this hour of the night, anyone caught in her personal bed chambers that she didn’t already know about would have a hell of a lot of explaining to do.

Igniting her horn with magic, a flash of golden light lit a clear space on her table and brought with it a dusty, old bottle the colour of seaweed, onto the empty patch along with a modestly sized wine glass.

Celestia simply stared at the bottle for a moment, tilting her head in confusion as she recognised that something wasn’t quite right with the bottle. She quickly eyed the yellowy brown label that was peeling ever so slightly on one side, hoping that would give her some explanation.

She ignited her horn again, casting the same spell as before on the bottle, but the bottle stayed exactly where it had first materialised.

It was only after trying this three more times that she came to the shocking realisation. The bottle she had taken from the latest batch of her wine collection was over twenty years old.

She hadn’t enjoyed one of her precious few past times in twenty years!

Then she came to another realisation. If that was the case then this simply would not do, not at all!

Another spell was cast, this time directed at the wine glass, spiriting it away, back where it came, and in its place stood what could only be described as a bastardised version of a pint glass and wine goblet. The monstrosity was forged of metal and embroidered with gordy, crudely chiseled emeralds, which only served to make it more unusual and out of place inside her pristine bed chambers. The grey goblet, now slightly brownish with age, stood on a tiny stock which looked like it threatened to collapse under its own weight at any moment.

“There, that’s much better.” Celestia whispered contently, her confused furrowed expression from before morphing quickly to what one might describe as a cute, proud smirk. She loved the ugly behemoth of a cup and almost cursed herself for not swapping the other glass sooner. It had been far far too long.

Smiling, Celestia merrily popped the cork with her two hooves. After all, she had some class. Magic and wine were two things that were never to go together, lest one turn ‘vintage to vinegar’ as the old folk lore suggested. Like setting up fine silverware, it was a faux pas, as her father had told her many times, to use magic for such tasks. A lesson she had passed down to her little pupil turned princess.

Then again, if any of them were in the room, seeing her pour what would amount to nearly two sixths of the bottle, into the monstrous cup, she was pretty sure both of them would suffer from multiple heart failures.

And morbid as it was, something about that idea made the smirk she wore that much broader on her face. It was a proud thing, ugly but proud in its unsightly appearance and wholly unconventional function. Much like the friend she had won it form was. A half mad, half genius Minotaur who, one day, goaded her through playful insults into a game of legion. A game in which one was to drink a shot of black tar wine every minute for a hundred minutes. By the end of the dare Celestia had staggered her way through the bet with sixty minutes plus on the one hundred mark, where as her friend had passed out in the fetal position, after reaching one hundred and twenty. Though, at the end of it all nobody truly won, not after the sun rose once more and the crushing joint hangovers ruled supreme over the both of them.

But regardless, it did win her the cup, the admiration of the Minotaur tribe she had been traveling with and a new title, which in Equestrian, loosely translated, as ‘The Wine Beast’ or something to that effect.

Celestia raised the cup to the sky. “A toast to you old friend. May your enemies flee you and your one hundred Mares, eh sorry, Cows please you, in whatever afterlife that was supposed to be.” Celestia giggled like a schoolgirl, as she drank deep from the cup, enjoying both freedom for the first time in a while and the haze of juniper and arise that tickled her nostrils playfully as she drank, clearing half of the goblet in two gulps.

However, as a Princess of a disaster hungry country, freedom from responsibility lasted for all of six minutes and twenty four seconds, before she heard responsibility kick in the entrance doors of her tower, followed by a bellowing, bemoaning voice that sounded like responsibility was not fucking around this time.

“I swear if this was her idea of a prank, I’m going to--”

“Sir the princess is not to be disturbed!”

“Shut it Copper Hoof, I’m in no mood for your goody two horse shoes bullshit at the moment.”

“Wow, jeez man, no need to rude about it, I’m only doing my job.”

“Oh will you just *Sigh* Just, Just tell me where she is...please.”

“You know you shouldn't refer to the princess as ‘she’ Silver, it’s rude!”

“Oh, oh I’m thinking of referring to her as something much worse right now, and I swear if she actually did do this as a prank, she going to need that spinning crystal heart, those elements of harmony and the blasted Discord to save her from what I’m going to do to her!”

Putting down the monstrous cup and now more than a little amused at the idol threats that the stallion was making against her from the other room, Celestia decided to end the mystery of her location.

“I’m in my bed chambers Silver Tongue, reliving my halcyon days. But if you’ll be so kind as to give me, say? Ten minutes, to collect all of those things I’ll need to escape your wrath, I would be most grateful.”

The request was met only with silence, then a stomping of hooves on the marble floor that suggested it they were going to need replacing. Both golden doors of her bed chamber flew open at the same time, slamming and cracking the wall behind them, just as she imagined the first set of doors did. But then again, she wasn’t too surprised. Earth ponies were naturally very strong creatures when pushed, even ones like Silver Tongue, who probably never saw a gym in his life, and never would.

The above average sized stallion, that was currently wreaking havoc on every door frame in Celestia's castle, was what one would call a stallion who was comfortable with himself. He wasn’t exactly fat, but one could easily surmise that he liked his food, based on the fullness of his cheek and the bulging of his stomach. But, besides this, he was prim and proper, healthy (to a degree) and most of all groomed. Never in her life did Celestia see a stallion take such good care of his outer appearance. Never so much as a hair was ever out of place, mostly because all of his pitch black hair was greased back to his skull, to such a degree, that it almost looked like a bad action figure, that’s body and hair were one and the same clump of plastic. His favoured Black tailored suit was always sporting a flat metal pocket brush, in which he would use to brush any unruly grey fur, that wasn't facing in the same direction as the others, and sometimes even if it was, it was still brushed anyway.

That was a golden rule in Canterlot. Celestia raised the Sun, Luna raised the moon and Silver Tongue looked fabulous.

Yes, this was a stallion that’s life revolved around him looking as impeccable as possible at every waking moment and perhaps, even as he slept.

So when Celestia saw Silver Tongue at the egress of her chambers, matted fur covered in what looked like reddish slime, pieces of lettuce, yellowish egg yolk and yes, even a bit of frosting from some sort of cake practically congealing into one huge clump, in such vast quantity and viscousness, that it would actually be easier for Celestia to point out all the parts that weren't grime. Coupled with his plastic-like greased mane forward and over his face, in knotted and tangled strands, and his expensive impeccable suit looking like birds had actually pecked at it, she was for once in her very long time shocked, to the point that all her vast vocabulary fled her tongue. She simply couldn’t comprehend what she was seeing. That and also his tail was actually smouldering slightly at the tip didn’t help much either.

Silver Tongue looked terrible. The golden rule was broken.

Practically paralyzed with shock, Celestia could only watch as the hefty stallion locked eyes with his target, paused for a fraction of a second, then moved over towards the table, pulled a chair for himself, came right up to her muzzle and opened his mouth to scream some of the worst profanities he could possibly think of, only for his eyes to shift focus to the cup she was holding.

Spotting the wine in the cup, Silver Tongue instead snatched the monstrous wine goblet from her hoof, stared at it in puzzlement for a moment before shrugging his shoulders and drinking the whole cup until not a single drop was left.

Something that also shocked Celestia. Silver Tongue never drank, ever. Something was very very wrong.

After a moment of intensely awkward silence, as Silver tongue stared directly ahead at the wall the table was placed against, seething with rage, Celestia felt like she needed to break the silence. That and because she had to know what exactly that awful smell was currently wafting off the stallion.

“...So, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that the Royal tour across Eques did not go so well.”

Silver Tongues’ only response was a long, low, guttural growl, as he reached over to the wine bottle and dumped the remainder of the potent red liquid into the cup and continued drinking.

“...I see.” Was her reply.

To reiterate, she would have had more to follow, but she was still not over the stallion’s appearance and general behaviour. Of course he was hers and Lunas Public relations advisor, which meant that he got to enjoy a more relaxed relationship with the princesses, that only a select few ponies, or otherwise, got to enjoy specifically; like the Elements of Harmony.

Since it was part of his job to make them look as good as possible in the public eye and insure that any stories or quotes from them were not taken out of context, or spun in a muckraking light. It meant that a certain level of trust and informality was needed from both sides. Seeing as how he was privy to a lot more information on the two sister’s private lives than almost any pony or other on the planet. Something Celestia and Luna found to be a bit refreshing, given the other relationships they had with their staff, which at least in Luna’s case, was for the most part non-existent, outside a professional one.

But what Celestia was experiencing from Silver Tongue right now was not rampant informality taken too far, this was straight up contempt Celestia was feeling from the stallion at this very moment in time, and it was directed at her.

Finally, after a minute of what she assumed was Silver Tongue meditating on his anger, or trying his best to keep professional, as what was perhaps his worst nightmare congealed into his fur and spurred on now by a belly full of very fine, very strong red wine, he began to speak up.

“I suppose you thought that was funny, didn’t you!?” Silver Tongue snarled out, every word practically dripping with venom as he continued to stare at the wall, not meeting her gaze.

Celestia paused before answering, taken aback slightly by the ferocity of the accusation. “Well… I suppose that I would be a rotten liar if I were to admit that this whole situation wasn’t at least a tiny part amusing to me, if only how risible it all is.”

Taking no notice at the jab at his expense, Silver Tongue continued as if her response was not important. “And I suppose, because there is nothing I’ve done to deserve this level of cruelty and embarrassment in recent years, that this is your childish way of getting back at me for the diet I ‘advised’ you to take last summer.”

Well, to be fair, she had been mad at that a tad, if only that by ‘advice’ he meant ‘sign this document stating that it is illegal for anypony to supply Princess Celestia from eating baked goods or other sugary substances of such ilk, from now, until the day of winter wrap up.’ Which was simply horrific, given that she was supposed to be the judge for the annual neighbour park bake off that year, which perhaps she might have rigged a tiny bit, because she was the judge every year. Donning a magical disguise and using a fake alias to sate her surgery avarice unbenounced to her little ponies. But, in her defence, she never expected Silver Tongue would find out about that. But she would never have ever gone that far to somepony she cared, or really any pony else for that matter.

And even still, she had thought she had gotten him back for that by sticking literally hundreds of images of hardcore pornography strategically around his office during inspections week.

“Now Silver, it would be beyond sadistic of me to go out of my way to actively punish you for doing the job I’m paying you to do. Especially whatever it was that left you in this... state, with your fur all covered in… what is that exactly?”

“A pungent mixture of tomatoes, apples, oranges, and egg. Perhaps there is some fish and frosting on the back of my hind leg and rump, but I’m too afraid to check, because, if I do, I know I’m probably going to faint.” Silver stated in a robotic tone, devoid of any emotion, as if his mind had left his body, refusing to go back until it had sorted its life out.

It was a strange feeling Celestia was having right now, for the record, first and foremost she was worried for her little advisor, and long-time close friend and what had done this to him. But on the other hand she was also trying not to fall down laughing and simultaneously trying not to reach from the smell. Speaking of.

“Let’s do something about that.” She spoke in a motherly tone, fixing a spell on the stallion.

“What did you just cast on me?”

“A small spell to nullify the smell. Also the spell slowly cleans the body, it take a bit of time however, considering a normal cleaning spell would be useless with this much mess, so while you wait why don’t you give me the full rundown, of your tour with my sister...Speaking of, how is she, she not in the same state you’re in is she?” Celestia asked with a bit more of a worry in her voice.

“I can still smell it.” Silver asked as he leaned down to sniff his abdomen and crinkling his nose in disgust. His tone shifting somewhat as the wine quickly went about doing its job. At the very least his anger was melting away slowly. Which was a plus in Celestia's eyes.

“Yes sorry it’s more for me, that part of the spell only works one way, don’t worry the cleaning spell will get rid of that soon enough, now Luna how is she, she’s safe I presume?”

And suddenly, with that one name, Mr. anger was back in spades and soon to be tag teaming in with his best buddy Sir drunken rage. “Oh, she’s the picture of health, of course couldn’t be better, in fact she’s asleep in her tower as we speak, because why wouldn't you sleep after something like today!?”

“Oh that’s good i suppose...But then… how come you’r--”

“Covered in my worst nightmare?” Silver asked astringently. “Well, when you don’t have magic to teleport yourself away from a political scandal, that you just caused, in front of every griffon in Griffonstone, you have to use unconventional methods. Like the garbage shoot. And then through the farmers market, whilst an angry mob chases you.... And throws the farmers market food at you, as you realise that you shouldn’t have over indulged in the banquet table before hoof, and you should have remembered where the train station was a little better, and then you start having some sort of existential crisis about where your life has gone and how even now in your late thirties you're running for your life from an angry--

Celestia knew where this was going and didn’t like it one bit, as she reached over with one of her wings and softly stroked the stallion's back, whilst doing her best to stroke the parts least slimy. “Okay, okay, Silver Tongue slow down, easy now, take a deep breath, everything’s fine now, you remembered your inhaler?”

Whatever it was that Silver Tongue was rampaging towards in his verbal diatribe stopped as he looked up at Celestia and blinked. “But I-I don’t have asthma… I’m ninety percent sure I don’t.”

Celestia giggled slightly “I know Silver, but I wanted your mind away from where you were going, so I thought saying something absurd like that would take your mind off things.”

Silver Tongue looked down in thought then hiccupped as the alcohol hit him. “Now that you mention it...Maybe I should check, I don’t go to the doctors enough, and my left sides always itchier than the right… that bad right? And also when I wake up in the mornings sometimes I have this really weird--”

Celestia grabbed him more firmly in her wing hug “Silver, you’re fine, I’m sure you’re fine, well, if anything you could stand to lose a little bit of weight, but besides that you’re fine.”

“Hey that’s not...Ah you’re right... Nice trick by the way, where did you learn it.” He muttered lamely, shrugging his shoulders and breathing in and out like the therapist taught him to do when he got worked up and stressed. Though the wine was really doing wonders for his mood, even if it was making him go on some weird tangents. Then again it wasn’t like he was used to having this much in his system.

Celestia nodded sagely. “When you teach a pupil like my little Twilight you find the unconventional to be the best option.”

Silver Tongue despite himself chuckled at that, remembering what the little filly was like, and to an extent still was. Then his nose got a whiff of his body and he was back to straight up contempt again as he threw off Celestia’s wing from his back.

“So tell me Celestia, because I’m having a very hard time working this out in my mind, as to why you would advise me to place Giffonstone on the list of the royal tour that I and Luna was to take, right in the middle of their most important holiday. Which, need I remind you, is about as important to them as the Summer solstice is to Equestria, given that your sister is, shall we put it nicely, the worst pony at dealing with griffons I’ve ever seen before. And before I hear the excuses, there is no way that you did this by accident. No? Not answering...Well fine, you might as well enjoy your little prank now, because by next week a political hellfire is going to rain down on all of us like confetti from a clown's asshole!”

Celestia stayed perfectly still again, upon hearing those words, save for a lightning bolt shiver that went from the back of her neck to her tail. What she thought to be nothing more than a little misfortune from her advisor and her sister was apparently something much uglier.

Silver Tongue was no doubt the best stallion at his job, somepony who could turn a common thief into a modern day saint overnight, with just a few words and a few little news articles if he was so inclined. So when he said somepony messed up, they messed up big time.

Celestia felt her hooves go up to her face, without even realising it. “Oh no, what did she say this- uh, I mean, what happened?”

Silver Tongue opened his mouth to speak, he had all of the neurons in his mind firing up to counter any argument against some sort of counter accusation he thought Celestia would throw at him. So when he got the reaction he actually wanted he was not quite sure what to do with it.

“Y-you, wait you really didn’t do this, this wasn’t just some sort of prank the both of you planned together, was it?”

Celestia rubbed her eyes, feeling them to be very heavy at that moment. “Silver Tongue, I can honestly say that whatever transpired at griffonstone was not planned.”

“Oh...oh dear, somehow that’s actually worse.”

“If it’s as bad as you say Silver, how is it worse?” Celestia asked.

“Well, it’s better to say it was a very poorly thought out prank at your advisors expense than it is to admit that the co-monarch of this country and the mare who raises the very moon is a racist.”

Celestia almost shot out of the chair at that, bringing her hooves up to her chest “What did you say!?”

“Celestia, I’ve meet some bad ponies in my life, done some business and PR work for some real narcissistic ass’s and some actual narcissistic ass’s, like real donkeys. And I’ve worked with ponies who are, let’s just say, bias against other species. Heck I mean do you remember I had to do some PR work for the elements of harmony after that whole affair with the Zebra got out. Having to convince the masses of Canterlot that they actually didn’t know what a Zebra was and making it seem like a complete misunderstanding, was one of the hardest tasks I’ve ever had to do in my life. I mean really, none of them except Twilight knew. Didn’t they read a foal’s book!? That’s like the first couple of things you’re taught about Eques besides the alphabet and colours.”

Celestia rolled her eyes as she realised the drunk stallion to her right was rolling off onto another tangent again. “Yes yes Silver Tongue, and thank you, again, for that, but could you please get back to the point where you were talking about my little sister.” Celestia muttered feeling a little bit of perspiration on her brow and damning herself for making the fire on the other side of her room so big.

“Right, sorry Celestia, where was I?”

“Something about my baby sister being--

“Ah yes! One of the worst frothing at the mouth griffon haters I’ve seen in my life. I mean, if I was compiling a list of the top five in my head, she’s at least third, on the list only below the leader of the anti-griffons movement, that turned out to be a huge misunderstanding when the logo was misspelled and was meant to read the anti-grifter movement. And it was later revealed that the pony who was commissioned to design the banner ironically, was one of the biggest con artists in living memory.

“And my uncle, who suffers from dementia, and thinks that griffons come in the night and steal his pudding cup. But then, sometimes he blames it on dwarfs, or the nursing staff so maybe he isn’t coherent enough to be called a racist.

”But I digress, what I’m getting at Princess is that your sister does not like griffons, at all!”

Oh the room was getting so very hot at this point for Celestia, she was practically dripping with sweat at the moment, and she would have given anything to fan herself, or dunk her head in a bucket of ice water. But she needed to stay strong, she could work this out. “S-Silver Tongue, I simply cannot believe what you’re saying, haha, to, to imply that my sisters, my loving free spirited sister, is anything but a progressive forward thinking mare, who respects all cultures and --”

Silver Tongue lifted his hoof up, which stifled Celestia immediately. Reaching into his ruined coat pocket, he produced a small, bound, notebook that somehow had miraculously stayed in perfect condition. “Would you like me to go through the list of reasons why me and every griffon in Griffonstone, can attest to the contrary, because I took notes of today's events.”

“E-Every Griffon!?” Screw it, Celestia would take a blizzard to cool her down now, one of those terrifying eternal ones that plagued the crystal empire, yes, that suddenly didn’t seem so terrifying to her anymore, and also it had the added benefit of burying her in a literal meter of snow so she wouldn’t have to deal with this situation anymore. “Ahem, of course Silver Tongue, I will gladly listen to them and pick apart these awful allegations as mere hearsay or misunderstanding.”

“Okay so let’s go through my personal experience of Griffonstone, my one and probably only day I’ll ever have in the capital. Ahhh let’s see, yes I remember nine o’clock am we arrived at the station. Nine o’ five the conductor, a griffon, I should add, comes out to personally welcome Luna himself. In his native tongue. Luna responds with ‘Yes yes meow meow hiss hiss, moew to you to, then walks off the platform.”

Celestia winced at the story but kept her fake reassuring smile. “W-Well she’s never been good with Griffonian before, perhaps she misread something, whist trying to learn the language, it could all be some terrible misunderstanding?”

“With cat noises Princess? Tell me what part of Griffonian sounds like hiss hiss to you?”

Silver Tongue swore he could hear the Princess actually gulp as he continued. “Well uh perhaps when griffons talk about cats?”

Silver Tongue could only started at her with the best deadpan expression he could muster. In his mind he was starting to get a very sneaking suspicion that she wasn’t telling him everything about Luna.

“Celestia, is there something you maybe want to add to this?”

“I-I don’t follow you Silver?”

“Something about you knowing about Luna’s distaste of Griffon?”

“Silver, really now, i-if I knew about this sort of thing d-do you honestly think I would have sent her there.”

Silver Tongue bit his lip in thought mulling it over. Other than thinking it to be the worst prank in the history of his kind, he couldn’t answer that, yet. “...No, no perhaps not, but I know you’re hiding something and I don’t think you’re just going to tell me, so I’m just going to have to continue with this until you realise the gravity of the situation.”

Celestia almost screamed out a ‘please heavens no!’ but caught herself just before it jumped her tongue, instead she just meekly waved her hoof signalling for him to continue. Silver simply shook his head.

“Ten am, oh you’ll love this one princess, we arrived at the palace, we were greeted by the Emperor himself Emperor Richard Fafhrd Hydric the fifth of his name and his Wife Empress Ingrid Gunnhild Hydric the first of her name. Celestia do you know what Richard is short for?”

“Um *Ahem* Rich?” Celestia asked coughing as her throat and mouth went dry.

“No, no it’s Dick. I’m only telling you this because your sister found it to be the funniest thing in the world, she kept pointing it out to him, it was hello king Dick, You must be a hard ruler Dick, It must be hard growing up with all those Dicks in the family?”

“I see, yes that is--”

“Did you run into complications with all the Dicks around growing up?”

“I suppose I can see how that would be a prob--”

“What's it like being married to the strongest Dick in this land?”

“Yes okay Silver, I think I got the gist of it!”

Silver reached back massaging his brow tiredly as he read the notebook, having at least fifteen more of those that he could recall yet knowing there were far far more than that. “Celestia, she just wouldn’t stop, even after his wife politely asked him to refer to the Emperor as Richard or Rich if she must, it only seemed to spur her on.”

Celestia’s left eye was twitching at this point, something that only happened when a correct mixture of embarrassment and unbridled rage correctly boiled inside her chest.

Silver cleared his throat as he flicked a few pages further into the notebook. “*Ahem* One agonisingly long hour later, we began the tour around the upper echelons of Griffonstones market district. Luna, as I recall, was amazed over the lack of birdbaths in Griffonsone. And when I, I suppose now in hindsight, stupidly asked her why that was so strange, she came to conclusion, that now that she probably thought about it it wasn't so strange, and that’s probably why they all smelled so bad.”

“Well um maybe she was still referring to the birds? I’m sure some of them can--

“Oh, sorry to but-in, but I forgot to actually write this in, just as a little side note to this, she also had me stand at her back the entire time we were in the market, because she wanted me watching her saddlebags, in case one of them got it in their heads to try something, because, and I’m quoting her here ‘that’s just what they do, they see something shiny and they can’t help themselves’” Silver Tongue stated, using his hooves as quotation marks.

“S-She...Wait, she didn’t actually have you do that, did she?” Celestia stated practically stunned by the blatantness of her sister.

“I could go on with all of the little details, but why not skip to all the bigger ones shall we?” Silver Tongue stated in a sarcastically lecturing tone, as he flicked a few pages further into his planner.

Celestia resisted, with all her might, the urge to grab the duct-tape in one of her desk draws, wrap her wings to her body and jump out of her tower.

“Noon, Lunch time, oh you’ll love this too. Apparently now, not only am I the royal public advisor, but I’m also the royal taster, a task that I didn’t think existed anymore, except for when Luna visits her ‘favourite’ species.”

“W-well uhh that, that doesn’t sound so bad? You like food don’t you?”

Silver Tongue rolled his eyes so hard they threatened to go back into his skull. “Yes, but I don’t like being thought of as a poison tester. Not that I thought any of the food was tampered with, but she certainly thought that was the case.”

Celestia slapped her head with her hoof. “Please tell me she was at least subtly about it?”

Silver Tongue just laughed at her. “As subtle as me in a sexy lingerie trying to seduce Shining Armor as Princess Cadenza. The only subtlety in the room was from the royal family who thank the great fields above, pretended not to notice, at least in that regard, I managed to somehow convince them that Luna’s antiquated habits were, something she was still trying to break, rather it being her blatant griffon phobic paranoia. Though she still blasted a hole in the table, because she thought she saw something devious in the soup.”

“So, besides that moment, they simply thought that she did that at every meal?” Celestia stated with a hopeful smile.

Silver Tongue nodded.“Yes, yes they did and maybe still do, well, that is until next week when the news comes out and they’ll most likely find out that that’s completely false and it was just another example of your sisters racism.”

Celestia let out a wailing frown, but not towards Silver Tongue. “Could you stop referring to her like that.”

“What, a racist? I think we clearly established at this point that she is, isn’t she?”

“Ye--No no, she’s not ah, she’s just, just, umm morally bias, to a degree.”

“...Isn’t that the same thing, only said differently?”

“...It sounds less damning.” She sighed, lowering her head in defeat.

“Ahah! So you do admit Luna has a problem with Griffons!” Silver Tongue roared pointing an accusing hoof at his Princess.

Again, Celestia pressed both hooves to her forehead, as she leaned against the table with both forelegs. Like she was in some holy confessional booth in Minotopia. She let out one long droning sigh, collapsing her chest onto the table. “I thought this tour would help her out, I thought that maybe, just maybe if she went to their homelands and saw for herself that they weren't these greedy, bestial, predators plotting to rob us blind at every turn, but just another peaceful nation like Equestria, she’d knock this nonsense off, she's been so good up until now!”

“Don’t you think that that's a bit optimistic on your part Princess?” Silver stated a more sympathetic tone took over his voice and countenance, as he tried comforting his bewailing Princess.

“Yes, perhaps, but nothings worked out so far, I assumed that maybe after a thousand years away she would have a different perspective on griffons! I tried everything! I mean everything! From introducing griffon friends of mine, to counselling meetings, to suggesting recent griffon literature (everything!) It didn’t seem so crazy when it was about meeting other ponies, or Zebras or any other species. In fact, the only reason I tried this tour to begin with, was because I was inspired by our Idea about setting her up for Nightmare Night, that was a resounding success, I hadn’t seen my little sister so giddy, and happy in a very very long time!”

Silver leaned back on his seat, looking down as he tapped his hooves together in thought, passively noticing that the repugnant slime on his fur was mostly gone from his arms now. “Yes, I can see the thought process, and despite being first on a long list of ponies who have or are going to suffer for the repercussions of this, I will admit, it was a solid base for a plan. I just wish you would have come to me for this idea as well, we could have hashed out something together, perhaps approached something a little smaller than the Griffon Empire's capital city, baby steps as they say.” Silver Tongue added, nodding sagely, as his mind wandered through the princesses plan, accessing every plus and backfire of a workable angle, despite it now being tarnished by the day's events.

It took a moment for the princess of the sun to calm herself, unbeknownst even to herself she realised she had been keeping this pent up for some time. But now that it was out, she felt the all the pent up stress in her soul flow out of her, at least she had been able to confess this to her friend first, before the new hungry masses came clawing at her with allegations of today's events. “So…” She started in optimistic ignorance. “Now that this is in the open, can I concur that we are quite done with this, and we can begin with ideas concerning damage control?”

Silver Tongue shook his head sadly. “I’m sorry princess, but it's best you hear about this from me now, considering what she did, you’ll need to hear this because it’ll be unending once dawn breaks, and that's not including all the beak jokes she none too subtly peppered into her conversations with the king. Or her utter amazement that dessert wasn’t just a bowl of cream or milk.”

Celestia rolled her eyes, simultaneously shaking her head. “Another feline joke, I take it?”

“How did you guess?” Silver Tongue asked rhetorically.

“Well, it seems that this was reason enough for you two to have to make a quick getaway via, the garbage disposal was it?”

“No that was just me, she teleported remember.”

“Right yes, um so with all that being said, I suppose I should know how she incited an angry mob?”

“Well we still had to go to the festival's conclusion remember, the very very important festival for the Griffon’s country, the one with the four staffs that they take very very seriously and don’t take kindly at all to anyone interrupting, or insulting or jeering at or using as a scratching post and almost breaking it.

“What was those last parts!?”

“Well its tradition as you know for the four staffs of the great kings of the Griffon alliance to be placed in their allotted slots on the stone floor on the hill of reunion, thus symbolising there unification and the birth of the Griffon Empire atop Griffonstone. Well Luna being a guest of the country, despite the day's events, was given the prestigious honour of being the fourth staff holder… “

“Which she did respectful and without incident?” Celestia pleaded in vain.

Silver Tongue laughed again, without a hint of mirth in it at all. “No, why would she do that in front of two thousand griffons, their nobility, and their beloved royal family. No, instead, she used it to get at an itch, that apparently couldn't wait, on her back, and once the crowd started to protest… Well that's when things got weird.”

“Weird?”

“Yes, she seemed uncomfortable almost shaken, which I know sounds strange, given anypony would, but what with Luna was acting today, this was almost out of character for her, she looked, I don’t even know how to correctly articulate it, disturbed, no no, um oh blast, uh-

“Abashed?”

-Yes, but also no at the same time, if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes, it was only for a moment, then some fire came back into her and the next thing I knew she all but screamed at them to shut their filthy beaks, proclaimed the whole thing to be trivial and beneath her, then she called all of them brainless rodent chasers, unfit to govern themselves, and then as the young kids are saying these days, ‘peaced out’, via teleportation, but if that wasn’t the worst part of it all, she dropped the ceremonial staff onto the ground.”

“Please tell me it was fine, Silver, it was fine right!?” Celestia asked frantically, leaning dangerously far forward on her chair towards Silver.

Silver tongue went over the memory in his head thinking straining himself to remember. “I can’t say Celestia, I didn’t exactly get a chance to check.”

“...Because Luna left you.”

“Left me in front of about two thousand five hundred incredibly angry, incredibly mob like griffon, who assumed one of their greatest national treasures was broken by some outsider. Armed to the teeth with the moldiest rotten fruit and vegetables I’ve ever had the misfortune of being pelted with, it’s a miracle I escaped with my life. I’ll probably never be able to look another griffon in the eye, without them punching me right in the face.”

Celestia stayed very quiet pondering all that Silver Tongue had told her, it was one thing to take her insults this far, but the staff incident was too far, and something broke in the celestial princess’s mind upon hearing it. Silver Tongue shivered as her blank expression morphed into one of a surreal eerily calm smile, one that looked like one that she wore while taking court, if she had been replaced with a robotic murderous facsimile.

Then, neither too quick, nor to slow to betray her mood, she walked over to her bed, grabbed a medium sized white pillow, and then walked over towards her bed chamber door.

“Um ahh, Princess, where are you going with that pillow?”

“Excuse me a moment Silver, I’m just going over to my sister's room, where I plan to smother her to death with this pillow, then myself, before the embarrassment of this sets in and kills me. Please tell Twilight and Cadence to make a modest funeral for me, no big ceremony and make sure they serving ice cream cake, not that store bought rubbish the real stuff, I’ll know if they don’t.” Celestia stated, turning back with that same spine tingling smile that sent Silvers blood cold, as if she was excusing herself from dinner.

Now not to negate his anger at the nocturnal princess, because Silver Tongue was furious with her. But she was his friend and more importantly the ruler of the country, so the last thing he wanted to be was the instrument in a murder suicide of the royal sisters. He didn't want to escape two angry mobs in the space of one day. Also, he certainly would never get a job again if two of his (royal) clients died, and considering tomorrow's press, they were the only ponies on the planet that we're going to hire him for many many years.

“Princess! Wait, ahah, okay, let's not do something too rash now!”

Silver Tongue raced as fast as his body would allow him, through the doors of the princess's bed chamber, he managed to catch up to her. Racing up to confront her head on, he tried in vain to push her back, but all he seemed to be doing was pushing himself along with her. Despite his above average size and weight, it might as well have been the pillow itself that was trying to stop the Princess’s murder spree. It looked as if nothing was being heard from the now scarily calm sounding ruler of the sun.

“Oh and Silver,” Celestia stared, still with that haunting smile, “Be sure they don’t play any of that dub wub stuff at the wake, I can’t stand that noise. Classical music only please. Or perhaps some old school metal, but only, Black Saddle, or Slayhoof but only from their first five or six albums, if you please.”

Pushing him to one side with a foreleg, she continued her march, reaching the doors to her tower in quick strides.

Silver wracked his brain, wondering if now was the time to drop his experimental, diabolical last resort, break glass here ‘A’ bomb of a PR plan. One that he contemplated on his six hour train ride back home, one that he told himself was insane every half hour of the ride back, but his mind fought back with the notion that it was perhaps the only thing that would save the princesses image and more importantly, his job.

As it looked like this was his final chance he took the plunge, at least, he thought it would have the same effect as the asthma scare from earlier, it might snap her back into her senses. “Princess, Princess okay enough now Princess wait, what if I told you I had another less ‘murdery’ Idea that might help Luna and this whole situation!”

That caused the princess to pause a moment, pillow still set to moon murder, she turned her head only slightly towards him, but flicked an ear directly at the Stallion. Which he took as a good sign.

“N-now here me out, because it will sound crazy- Celestia's hoof began to turn the doorknob- wait, wait! It might sound crazy, but it maybe the only thing to save your sisters image and more importantly, the image of the royal family as a whole!”

Thankfully, again, the princess did not make a move for the door, but she still kept her hoof on the handle.

“Now I’m not sure how you’ll take it, considering I apparently don’t know if you have any um how did you put it, Moral biases?”

Celestias head turned slightly more towards him and she growled morosely in protest.

“Okay, okay, I just had to be clear here. Up until this morning it never even crossed my mind to ask Luna if she disliked certain species, but here we stand. Now I’m asking this because what I’m proposing might mean perhaps a new, ahhh addition to ahhh oh how do I put this subtlety?” Silver bit his lip as he moved slightly closer to the princess, trying his hardest in his drink addled mind to pitch this in the correct way.

“Princess, how do you feel about some fresh young blood around Canterlot castle?”

Celestia turned right around to meet the stallions gaze, lowering the plus nine moon slayer throw cushion, she tilted her head in confusion, raising one eyebrow high. “...I don’t get the meaning Silver, there are lots of youthful stallions and mares around Canterlot castle?”

“Yes, yes I know that, I’m referring to young young blood, like very young, younger than any mare or stallion in this castle, foal like to be exact...or perhaps err hatchling, if you want to use the correct terminology…”

Celestia blinked very slowly and in a very calculated manner as she sat down on her floor and stared thoughtfully at the air before turning her gaze to Silver. “Okay Silver Tongue, you're right, that does sound completely insane. But, I’m going to go back into my room and you're going to tell me this insane plan and then, based on if I think it will work or not, I’m going to decide whether to go with it, or murder my bigoted little sister and myself with this dainty thousand thread count snow white pillow. So I advise you, make it good, and explain it well.”

Silver Tongue brought a hoof to his collar to loosen his noose like tie and let some air into his system, as he was sweating like an Olympic runner who was late for their race. On the plus side, though he all clammy with sweat he was much cleaner than he was twenty minutes ago, so he had that going for him at least. And, as terrified as he was he had given much tougher pitches in the past to board rooms of ponies staring at him like Celestia was now. But then again, the stakes were not quite so high and though he was sixty percent sure she wasn't going to commit sororicide, But by all that was right in the world he wasn’t going to bet on those odds.

“R-Right, no pressure... Though before I start, how about we pour ourselves some more of that wine, aheheh.”