Early the next morning, Ponyville's resident walking disaster zones crouched together in an emergency huddle. Using lipstick and stubby pencils, the Cutie Mark Crusaders hastily scribbled out a plan on a broken board that was previously part of the 'Sofa and Quills' sign. Well, before they'd pried it off and jacked it of course. But it was okay, because it was part of a plan for a cutie mark.

Sticking her head up, Scootaloo yelled, “Okay, Dinky, if all goes well, we'll get you a sign-swindling cutie mark in no time!”

“Yep! And you can put little hearts on it. You'll be the lipstick hoofsie sign swindler,” Sweetie Belle said as she used Rarity's expensive designer lipstick to draw blobby red hearts on the splintered board.

“Uh, speakin' of bees...” Apple Bloom tapped on the others' shoulders and pointed down the road.

With a high-pitched shriek, a little gray unicorn galloped down the road, kicking up a cloud of dirt whilst being chased by a swarm of angry hornets.

“Dinky, what are you doing!?” Scootaloo yelled. “You can't get a balancing-a-hornet's-nest-on-a-broomstick cutie mark if you drop it!”

“Don't worry, I'll save ya!” Apple Bloom ran over to the nearest fire hydrant and gave it a swift kick. Her powerful all-terrain apple-buckin' hind hooves knocked the cap off in one swift motion, causing a jet of super-pressurized water to blast out.

Dinky got hit square in the side, and was forcefully blasted straight through the wall of the nearest building. Horrendous crashing, tinkling, and muffled cries came from within.

“Um, Girls...” Apple Bloom pointed at the sign bolted to the side of the otherwise unassuming building.

Throwing her hooves in the air, Sweetie Belle wailed, “Oh come on! Why does Ponyville even have a broken glass factory? Who in their right mind would buy broken glass?”

Acting quickly, Scootaloo pulled a small white tube from her mane and tossed it on the cobblestone street. She stomped on it, smashing it open. With a crackle of sparkling red magic, a bright light spilled out and soon a magical beacon panned through the sky depicting a simple red cross. “That was my last one. We're going to have to buy some more.”

“Already?” Sweetie Belle said. “It feels like just yesterday we bought a dozen of those emergency signal flare things.”

“It was yesterday.” Groaning, Apple Bloom tossed the broken sign board into a nearby bush. They sidestepped two burly pegasus stallions who used a giant wrench to grapple with the gushing water. They then pointed at the Dinky-shaped hole in the wall when paramedics arrived shortly after.

“Well, there goes our plans for the morning,” Sweetie Belle lamented as a battered Dinky was carried off on a stretcher. “And we had such high hopes too.”

“Get well soon!” Apple Bloom yelled and waved.

“Yeah! Then we can try for that pole-vaulting cutie mark!” Scootaloo yelled.

Also grinning and waving, Sweetie Belle raised an eyebrow. “Is it a good sign when Dinky tries to gnaw her own leg off like that?”

“Can ya get a cutie mark for that? For gnawing yer own leg off?” Apple Bloom asked.

“Dunno. Maybe?” Scootaloo shrugged. “Let's add it to the list.”

“Speaking of lists, who else other than Dinky still needs their cutie mark?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“Uh, there's Rumble,” Scootaloo said.

“Hospital,” Apple Bloom replied.

“Pipsqueak?”

“Hospital.”

“Aura?”

“Hospital.”

“Snowdrop?”

“Hospital.”

“Why is everypony we know in the hospital?” Sweetie Belle asked.

Rolling her eyes, Apple Bloom let out a brief snort. “Well, first there was that thing with the jackhammer, and then the one with the open sewer grate, plus the poison oak mud mask, and after that we tried to something 'safe' like stargazing—”

“Forget I asked,” Sweetie Belle groaned.

“Er...” fumbling with her parchment, Scootaloo's eyes scanned the list of blank flanks for ponies they hadn't hospitalized yet. “What about Crimsonmane Ashenwing Razorhooves the Bloody Destroyer?”

“Restraining order,” Apple Bloom stated flatly.

“Oh, right. I knew that.” Scootaloo coughed and continued fidgeting with her list.

Bored, Sweetie Belle drew little circles in the dirt. “At this rate, we'd have better luck trying to get Humdrum a cutie mark.”

“Isn't he a superhero sidekick?” Apple Bloom asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Well, yeah, but...” Sighing, Sweetie Belle hung her head. “It's a shame they discontinued those enchanted comic books.”

Scootaloo raised an eyebrow. “Why'd we cross off Button Mash? He doesn't have a cutie mark yet.”

Jolting upright, Sweetie Belle shuddered. “Because his mom is like super scary. Button invited me over once to vigorously plow my virgin fields, and when she heard that she looked like she was going to murder us both.”

“Plow your virgin fields?” Scootaloo asked.

“Yeah. There's this game called Fieldcraft and—”

“Ya think she might'a mistaken it fer something else?” Apple Bloom asked.

“What else could it possibly mean?” Sweetie Belle asked with big, innocent eyes.

Apple Bloom pretended to cough and Scootaloo stared at the sky.

“In any case,” Scootaloo said as she rolled up the parchment, “he's the only one left. If we want to do any more Cutie Mark Crusading, that is.”

“Oh.” Hesitating at first, Sweetie Belle soon put on a huge grin. “Yeah! And I have the perfect idea: Cutie Mark Crusader Button's Joyboy Fondlers!”

Apple Bloom made a pfft noise and spat out air as her face turned beet red.

Also blushing furiously, Scootaloo placed a hoof on Sweetie's shoulder. “Let us do the talking, okay?” Next Chapter: Breaking Into Hell Estimated time remaining: 1 Hour, 22 Minutes