I haven’t felt at ease since the humans were allowed into our town like it was some sort of vacation resort. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I really do like the humans here. I’ve met some of the sweetest people around, and they aren’t even ponies. But I’ve also met some of the worst people as well. People who think they can come around here and take whatever they want, just because they see some citizens who remind them of “pets” they had back home.

You gotta think about that, really. A lot of these people who talk to me from the human world…I don’t know what it is about me, but they always seem to proposition me the most. I’ve asked my friends here in the bar what the humans say to them, and they rarely deal with anyone trying to solicit their time. Do I look like the kind of pony who would be into those simians?

Look, I see that expression you’re giving me. Let me clear this up right now: okay, yes, I have spent some time with some humans. But it’s never more than cuddling. If they ever want any more than that, I kick them out of my house and they’re on their way. I don’t have to be afraid of them. Have you ever seen what pony hooves can do to human bones? These humans are like fleshy bopping toys. They’re nowhere near as resilient as us ponies. I’ve fallen off my house several times and never once broken a bone. I’ve seen a drunk human trip and fall and break their arm. And they were younger than me! Imagine that.

I will say that I have met a really sweet human. His name was Colby. Yes, like the human cheese product. We joked about that quite a bit. Anyways, Colby came here during some leave he had from the military. He heard about the human exchange program where one pony from here goes over to the human world for a while and one human comes over here for the same duration of time. That week, we missed Pinkie Pie when she went over to San Francisco, but at least she came back with tons of video and pictures. Colby, though…he spent most of his time talking to me. And he was different than all the rest. I think it was the discipline the military instilled in him. We talked about his time in Iraq, which I still am not sure where that is. His basic training was harsh. I thought the Wonderbolt Elites had it bad.

Unlike the others, he didn’t try to get me drunk by buying me drinks all the time. Not that he could, of course. No one can hold their cider like I can. But it was as though he was actively avoiding drinks himself. We talked about his family. He has two younger brothers. One was thinking about joining the military and he was actively trying to discourage them. I wondered why a proud military man would stop one of his own family from joining. He didn’t want to give me a reason and when I pressed to ask him what had happened in Iraq, he refused to talk about it.

You’re from the human world, right? How do human wars work? I mean, he talked about the weapons they used. Automatic rifles…attack drones…explosives…just how violent is your world? I know things are different all over. The griffon kingdom has a lot of warriors who specialize in vicious aerial combat. Even the Wonderbolts can’t compete with them. I sometimes wonder why the Wonderbolts don’t match their strength with some sort of advanced armor or weapons they carry into battle. Princess Celestia seems to be about peace. Now that I know how humans do it, I respect that a lot more.

I think….I think the thing that endeared me to Colby was the fact that he was worried about me. “You shouldn’t drink so much,” he’d say. “It’s not good for your liver. You’ll gain weight.” That kind of thing. I drank less that night because…guess I wanted to impress him. We did go to my place afterwards. He’s one of the few I invited over, instead of the other way around. I’ll be honest…I did try to kiss him, but he refused. Said I was too inebriated to be making rational decisions. Well, it was rational! I wanted to see what it was like to share a special moment with a sweetheart. You humans don’t seem to have a lot of those. People like Colby…they’re so rare here. We have nothing but wealthy, emotionally detached people coming through this bar. And maybe I’m just unlucky, but at least with Colby, I felt special…

Hey, if you see him, could you tell him that I’d love to talk to him again? He left me his email, but digital messages don’t travel past the Great Divide. I really do miss him. Tell him he’s always welcome here and that if he ever needs a place to stay, I’ll be glad to give it to him. I mean the room. Jeez, don’t look at me like that. And how can you tell I’m blushing? My coat color is berry! You can’t see my cheeks!

Author's Notes:

Extra Story Details

Writing Time: (For First 3 Chapters) Approx 1 hour 30min
Draft Number: 1 Draft
Story Settings: Pony Bar, Ponyville Medical Hospital, Twilight's Library
Story Themes: Human/Pony Culture Clash, Taking Advantage of a Good Thing, The Most Opportunistic of Humanity, The Few Who Care, Who Are the Ponies Talking To?

Note: This is an "A" Story, meaning I wrote it first during a marathon of story-writing one day. "A" stories are designated by having a slow setup, but a more definitive end to the writing session.

Story Background:

I wrote this story because I love the idea of humans getting a chance to visit the pony world and ask the ponies what they think of them. This series of short interviews can get rather "real" at times, but I didn't want to hold back on the comparison between the two cultures.

I've always had a soft spot for Berry Punch. I want to explore her character more. I feel like the fanon concept of her drinking has a lot of potential for deep emotional exploration to consider the reasons why she might be drinking in the first place.