I felt my eyes water up and every ounce of emotion that I had been ignoring for the past month or so to trickle out of me, slowly but surely. After maybe a minute of trying not to cry I forced myself back to being serious. "Since ancient times, Uranite has been used as a glaze on pots and pottery. There might be a substantial amount left in the mines on my island. I wouldn't want anything bad to be done with it." I looked around nervously. My group was listening far closer than I wanted them to be. "Can you make it so the rest of my group can't hear?"

The world let out a scream and a tear as the snake twisted it again. I looked around for a bit and hoped against hope that this wasn’t a trap of some sort. The very situation was calming and simultaneously driving me near up the wall. “Go ahead. They won’t be able to hear or read our lips.” He said, probably after noting my silence

I licked my lips, feeling they were dry and hopefully not helping a new nervous habit from starting up. “Right. What do the words humans earth nations warfare Dungeons and dragon and wheel of time mean to you?” My pulse pounded and my head swam slightly. I had to know... just to be certain that I wasn’t alone in the world. I felt a few beads of sweat disappear into my fur. Wheel of Time had leapt from my mouth as an afterthought, what little I had read in the series seeming to fit his bewildering powers.

“Human’s are mortal primates, earth is what we’re standing on, warfare is when a lot of people die over the misunderstandings of a few individuals, Dungeons and Dragons is a gaming system, and Wheel of Time is a genesis, My genesis.” The snake sighed. “Let me guess, you’re a human.”

I felt tears gather into my eyes. He was... a … My mind scrambled to try and alter what I had been thinking for the entirety of my stay. If he was a human... there were bound to be others. What if all the humans were as god awfully powerful as he was? Instead of running into the night like I was half tempted to, I instead spoke in a mostly calm voice. “If I wasn’t a guy, I would hug you, kiss you and probably try to sleep with you. And then ask for a lobotomy.” I did my best to relax. I was in a private conference with someone who could, and probably would given enough reason, kill me in a heartbeat.

Something horrible occurred to me afterward. What if it was all a joke? “I haven’t told the others about how I am secretly a bipedal creature that likes to eat meat and stuff.” I babbled slightly, unable but all too willing to believe that he was a human. “So. Let me guess, you are a human, right? This isn’t some joke where you are secretly the god spider’s brother or something sent to send me further into insanity?” The world was spinning slightly and I tried to ignore the push and pull of the swimming thoughts.

“I’ve done weirder things than all four of those, but I think we should be able to skip the lobotomy and the awkward kiss and sex. If you want, I’ll definitely hug you.” He... he was... uh... My thoughts fragmented. “I was originally human, yes. But I think somewhere along my long life I’ve moved somewhat beyond humanity. I mean, what kind of human dies over and over again, and makes similar relationships with creatures he’s met in the past? So am I human? I really don’t know anymore. I hope I still am.” Ground hog day. He is describing a time loop. A human in a time loop.

I nodded. “Right. You sounds like you are stuck in a ground hog day effect thing. The only thing that is really important is whether you have a spider inside of your head. I mean, I can’t be the only one, right?” I felt my right eyelid twitch slightly. My eyes were watering; when was the last time I blinked? I blinked them rapidly.

“Twitch! Flee before me! Run from the weaver!”

“No, I can’t say I have a spider in my head. Well, at least this head. I’m sure one of my skulls I’ve left decorating the multiverse has a spider in it. Bad tendency to attract violent deaths. On a related note, that movie hasn’t been funny to me for a long time.” He wasn’t... was he?

I laughed. And laughed. And laughed. It was... he... uh...“ So... you don’t have a god in your head? And I can totally see where you are coming from, though the real question hasn’t been answered.” He had been... through the multiverse. I began to lose focus, my thoughts swarming like thousands of snakes, memories, none of them mine straining to be heard, to be seen, to be glimpsed. I fell against the table and barely transitioned into a lean across it.

“Did you ever sleep with Captain Kirk or Picard?” Kinda sad that that was the first thing to pop into my head. But... I needed to bring up things that the thoughts wouldn’t try to attack.

I could taste his amusement like fine cheese on my palette. “No, I can’t say I have. I did sleep with Mary Sue once, though.” I felt like laughing at him.

“Say... is your name something horribly cliche? I realize we haven’t exchanged names.” I was right, we hadn’t even mentioned who we were to each other.

The snake smiled a soft smile. “The title I go by may seem cliche to you. I call myself Marty Stu.” I burst into laughter, the end of it dying down into almost sobs. Why. “And what do you call yourself?”

I pointed at him with a hoof after a long moment. “I’ll call you Gary.” I nodded. “And I call myself Ivan. Ivan the zebra.” I introduced the dog beside me. “And this is Boss. I promised her an island.” I introduced Canary and Catastrophe in sequence.

I paused. “And my current title is Interspecial flirt according to Malice.” Wait. He doesn’t know who Malice is. Stop being silly... “What are your claims to fame in this timeline?”

“You do know that you’re going to have to introduce us a second time. They still can’t hear us. As for my achievements, I’ve slaughtered a score of diamond dog slavers, healed a mare’s physical wounds, set free thirty slaves, made a filly laugh, and have become a village blacksmith. Oh, and have become an agent for an anti-slavery group.” I enviously stared at his fingers and wondered just how I could get a few of those.

I nodded, determined to somehow impress him. “I feel a little put out, I don’t have quite the list. I took out a Shoggoth with a chunk of my soul and almost blew up a dragon with an epic bass drop.” The spider had stopped laughing and I could almost imagine him balled up in his top hat. “Oh yeah, and the spider thinks you are incredibly dangerous and has decided to shut up. Finally.” I looked at the other three at the table.“Say... what does it look like we are doing right now?”

“You killed a Lovecraftian monster, a creature that eats souls, with a piece of yours?! That’s impressive. And taking out any dragon is fairly impressive.” Gary took a deep breath and slowly let it out. “That spider is probably one of the wisest creatures I’ve come across in some time. My title is not just for show.”

I shrugged, still holding back my fear. The world itself seemed to hum with the sound of thousands of gears. “I had this nifty little knife, right? It had a chunk of my soul in it, and apparently the shoggoth choked to death on it. Yeah... Trust me. “Wait, you probably know what it feels like to get eaten by a tar blob thing. Never mind.” I shook my head and described as best I could what the Shoggoth had felt like. “At any rate, I felt like I was simultaneously getting disintegrated and living at the same time. Fairly odd experience. Oh, and your services? I really don’t want you to swoop in and kill everyone, sorry. I just have this feeling that doing that might cause them to call down a few dragons to try and tac nuke my island. But... this group you speak of sounds interesting.” I tried to look interesting, but I really didn’t want to stay near him for fear of him wiping me from history itself.

“I’ve never had that experience, fortunately. I always committed suicide before something like that could happen. Lot less mess and got me out of there.” He paused for a moment, his brow furrowing in all the wrong ways as he tried to regain some semblance of a regular conversation. Or at least, that’s what I assumed he was doing. “That’s fine by me. I don’t need to kill every slaver ever. Just the ones I find. Plus, I can’t be everywhere at once. I don’t think Violet would like for me to be gone that long anyways. Poor girl.” He stopped, during which I tried to relax. “Oh, and everyone around us is seeing us do muppet speak. It’s why we have a few people who are looking at us with a what the fuck type expression.”

“Who is this Violet character?” I reached into my satchel for an emerald, theorizing that charging it with my magic would make a quick getaway if all went to hell. I covered myself. “And will this appear as a rubber hammer?”

“One of the ponies I freed from the slavers. Lot of unpleasant stuff... As for the hammer, go ahead and bring it out.” Marty weaves an illusion over the hammer. Marty finally ties off the ward weaves, but keeps up the illusions.

I smiled widely because he hadn’t figured it out.“I haven’t been able to talk about anything in so long! “ And the illusion wards... if I got rid of those... “Wait, this is a strain on you, right? Sorry about that. And please, I was a slave for a month or two. I know what they did with the ponies that weren’t the right kind for mining.” I shuddered slightly for dramatic effect.“Trust me, the soup was made of exactly what you think it was.”

“It’s not a bad strain. Holding three illusion weaves isn’t too bad. Finally decided to tie off the eavesdropping wards. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to do this for hours on end, but I can. I’d just have a headache and feel like I ran for a half-marathon.”

I moved to toast him with my glass and frowned when I realized I had hooves.“Well. That sucks.” I muttered, plans spinning off and dying even as I was thinking them. “I don’t even get to do the dramatic toast thing?” I shook my head. “Right, when I retake Rej, you are always welcome. Heck, if you are willing put up with a minor case of interdimensional Tetanus, you could hitch a ride on my ship.” I felt like screaming at myself. WHY HAD I TOLD HIM WHERE I WAS GOING? “Say, what sort of drunk are you?”

“The kind that can’t remember shit. Also, the type that gets pregnant.” He smiled mysteriously at this statement.

Earth humor. Think Earth humor.“Geez, where are you from, Kentucky? When I get Drunk I start musical numbers. I think. That might’ve just been Canary.” I nudged the zebra I mentioned, making him jump.

A taste of his amusement flashed through the air.“Tennessee, actually. And I was a woman at the time.”

Distract him more.. “So... what is a period actually like?” I tried to smile disarmingly.

“Depends on the period. Mild to heavy pain in the groin, a constant feeling of wetness, like you haven’t wiped and had some really thick pea. Also, random bits of pain other places in your body. My marefriend nuzzled against my breast while I was menstruating once and I about screamed it hurt so bad. And this from the guy who’s died almost every way possible.” I tried to remain interested. “And childbirth, oh god, childbirth. It was like a kidney stone the size of a boulder that lasted for seemingly years... Though that might’ve been because I had a centaur kid.”

The universe felt like it was singing for me to get out of there, but I was torn between talking with someone from earth and my own life. “Wow. I have so many really awkward question that would probably be grounds for you to kill me just for asking. So... I’m not going to ask them.” I smiled. “It is so great to actually talk to someone who understands. Say, are there any other humans?” I froze at that question, my own forwardness surprising me.

“And you’ve just made me intensely curious as to what your questions would be, but oh well. I have my suspicions about one person I’ve met, but no confirmation yet. They’re also a ta’veren.”

“I might as well open my island to all humans and force their toll to be adequate conversation.” I blinked and then blinked again. Ta’veren were... those things with the weave...“Also, I plan on making bass cannons. Literally, cannons that play bass at an intolerable frequency for dogs and the like. Would that work on you?” I focused on him. “Wait... Ta’veren? I’m a...?”

“Yes you are. Considering how dim you’re glowing, though, not a particularly powerful one. Don’t feel bad, I don’t come across powerful ta’veren all that often... Well, except for the Equestrias I’ve been in. The Elements of Harmony have almost blinded me before they’re so bright. Still doesn’t save them.” =The last he said in almost a whisper and I felt my stomach drop out from me.

Keep up the conversation and let your mind think of a way out of this. “Oh. Uh... I’m ok with not being that powerful, that will let me rob a few casinos, right?” I smiled. “Dude. I got a weaving spider in my head and I am a corrector for the threads of fate. I think I just acquired confidence.” I ignored his darker memory in an attempt to placate him and hopefully not... Damn it. I’m being paranoid.

“Well, you might get lucky, but I’ll let you in on a little secret. I’m also a minor ta’veren. And I die a lot. I think I get dragged along to interesting events by it mostly. Also, a few lucky breaks, but those aren’t particularly often. It’s not a license that means you can get away with anything, it just means you might have a few more things go right for you... and a few more things go horribly wrong.”

“That would explain how my life here has gone so far. Get thrown into slavery, acquire island. Take over a dragon’s mind by accidently it, have dragon get eaten by a shoggoth.” Oh that’s what happened to the dragon. Wow. Did I really not know that until I said it? “Oh. Oh holy hell.” Right... disarm him with randomness. “If you keep looping infinitely you are going to end up sleeping with everything.” I closed my eyes. “Geez, where did that thought come from?”

“Probably the random side that all of us creatures with free will have. I doubt I’ll end up sleeping with everything, though. I’m not attracted to males at all, and that’s stayed true for thirty-two plus thousand years, and I doubt it will change anytime soon. And if you’re wondering how I had a kid, it was from a spell cast by my marefriend.”

My mind swam and I kept up the conversation. “Good. Very good. When I heard your name I thought of fanfiction and then yaoi and then horrible things happened and working with you when I had that idea would be horrible and why am I still talking.” I babbled.

“You’ve probably been under a lot of stress, and you’ve been holding a lot back from your compatriots. Now that you’re with someone who isn’t likely to call you insane, and has probably been where you are, you’re just letting the brain to mouth filter de-stress.” The snake smiled. “This is all the musings of my amateur psychotherapy talking. I don’t think I’m a horrible therapist, but I’m way too likely to become emotionally involved with those I’m helping in one way or another.”

I scratched the back of my head with a hoof and tried to ignore the slight amount of sweat I could feel. “Right. I actually dabbled a bit in the social theories myself back home, but I’ve forgotten most of them. I’ll go see someone more qualified eventually. So... this organization thing helps to stop the slave trade?”

“Yes. Myself and others collect information on different slave groups. We send it back to our analysts, they interpret the data, and then I go and smash and slaughter the group to an individual, then rescue the slaves. I’d go after the diamond dog tribes, but I’d rather not commit complete genocide.”

I frowned. “Sounds... inefficient. The killing part I mean. Why don’t you just slap some sort of inhibitor over the place and disable all of the dogs? Use them for experimentation or something? If you are going to kill them, at least use them a bit before you waste them.”I must’ve looked excited, I could see disapproval flare into his eyes. “I have this idea, see. Dogs cannot stand certain pitches, heck, most of the predators cannot stand certain pitches. If we were to drop a mass of magic configured to create massive bass, we could just disable them en masse.” I nodded, still half focused on the emerald.

“That could certainly work, and I’ll bring it up to my boss if we decide to go after some of the slaver tribes. As for using them for something, if we’re going to kill them, we kill them. Unless someone harms someone I care about, I always give them as quick and painless a death as possible. Let’s just say those I’ve killed for hurting those I care about, they lived for a long time screaming. I’m not quite Semirhage, but I’m good at it.”

I was suddenly extremely glad I hadn’t brought up the concept of soul extraction. Those meories were still swimming around like fish in some sort of super fluid. “Fine... Yeah, Bass bombs. So how many times has someone you cared about been hurt?

“When it was on purpose, and true harm? One-hundred and twelve times. My record for keeping them alive while making sure they spent every waking moment screaming? Three years and twenty-eight days. I don’t punish accidents, though.” He looked rather serious.

I winced, letting out a bit of my inner mood. “Remind me to never piss you off. Anything I need to watch out for so you don’t end up burying anything I don’t like in me?”

“Don’t become a slaver, rapist, or child abuser. I’m generally pretty forgiving of murder, considering it would be beyond hypocritical of me to judge someone for murder outside of me becoming some sort of justice dispensing official of some sort.”

“I’ll assume inhumane experimentation falls under things you disapprove of and humbly offer to do something in exchange for your word that in the event that you flip out and start killing everyone that you give me a warning and a hug.”

“Well, my flipping out generally comes with a few warning signs. My voice becomes as cold as the depths of space, and I ask questions that should set off a few warning bells in someone intelligent.” With that, he sighed. “And yes, I don’t like inhumane experimentation. It tends to create abominations that I end up having to kill.” He looked at me levelly. “Believe it or not, I don’t like killing. I count the lifetimes where I’ve not had to kill anything as my happiest. Seven to eight-hundred years of comparative peace. Those are wonderful, and have only happened to me three times.”

“So if I come across another starspawned horror, can I point it your way? I already had part of my soul eaten this month, I’d rather not have to deal with another part. Also, any attempts on how to deal with a semi insane thing in your head that likes to rift through your memories to use them against you?” I giggled. “I’ve been nodding entirely too much. Does anything throw you for a loop?”

When I mentioned the shoggoth, he shivered slightly. “I can deal with it, but I’d rather not have it happen in the first place. Extra-dimensional beings have been known to mess with my weaves, and I almost broke a reality just using a small thread of balefire on one of the elder gods. I couldn’t channel for a month the balescream was so bad.” He answered the rest of it after a long moment. “Most of the time creatures trying to invade your mind come in through your dreams, and since I always ward mine, I don’t have that problem. However, I might have a way to help.” I brought up his hands again and counted down a few numbers. “One, meditation. Meditation helps you focus, and focus can help you set up mental barriers at the very least. Two, challenge it. Are you aware of the graphic novel ‘The Sandman’?”

I shook my head. “Not at all. I never really read any comic besides spiderman.” I held up a hoof, realizing the irony. “Sure, laugh at the irony. Never really touched other series. And... how do you propose I meditate? Stare at Catastrophe until she decides that it is harassment and brains me? “ It was a joke because she would probably do that.

“That’s not so much meditation as it is ogling. No, meditation is a process of blocking out every extraneous thing, till you come to the object or problem you need to focus on. You ignore the room around you, your ignore what is on or near your body, and then you ignore your body, coming totally to your mind. Then you cut away at each extraneous thought, until you reach a point of perfect focus. And no, you can’t do all of this on the first try. Meditation is as much a learned skill as anything else. That point of perfect focus, you can use it to defend a point in your mind, and potentially the entirety of it. It’s not a perfect defense, and a creature with strong enough willpower can break through just the point, which brings us to challenge. If you know your brain is being invaded, you might be able to convince them to play a mental game for control of your mind.

“The game is known as ‘I assert reality’ and you make an attack and defense along certain lines. The classic Sandman gambit starts off with the attacker beginning as a wolf, cunning and strong. The counter was a lancer riding a horse, killing the wolf from a distance. The riposte was a horsefly to throw the rider, and so on and so forth. And that’s just one of the mental games you can play. Mental combat can be just that, combat, where imagination and willpower are what determines the winner.” The snake man finally finished.

Everything was perfectly in place for me to make a break for it if the rest of the conversation soured. “How much do you think it would hurt if I ordered a steak right now?” I was craving meat again... “Ok, you can drop the whole illusion thing.”

“Probably wouldn’t hurt. And I’ll be glad to finally drop the illusion, drop all the eavesdropping wards too?”He asked quickly.

I smiled widely. “Yes. I have a job offer for you.”