~Summer~

I smiled as I heard Rarity, Twilight, and Soul come into RED’s, where I was currently working. Finishing drying the last dish, I put it up and hung up the towel. I dismissed the clones I’d spawned from my new ability as I left the kitchen then. Those things were quite handy, really. They worked like Naruto’s clones.

“Dishes are done, Degroot. You mind if I take a lunch break?” I requested.

“Ay, go ahead mate. Just heard yer friends comin’ in.” he replied. I smiled as I went out into the restaurant proper, and met my friends there.

“Heya. Just got lunch break.” I greeted. Rarity was about to return the greeting, but then she spotted something and her face twisted into disgust.

“Oh, how horrid…” she muttered. I turned to find out what she was looking at and saw Degroot’s picture hanging on the wall. It was from his Gibus days, as he calls them. Days in which he was known… as the Demopan. On him in that picture was the Bombinomicon, the Pyrovision goggles, and of course, the Ghastly Gibus. Of course, the drunken way Degroot was holding that frying pan over his head, I could definitely see why Rares would react that way.

“Yeah, Degroot says he was a lot more drunk in that picture than usual.” I explained.

“Wait, more drunk than usual? And he’s supposed to be a demolitions expert?” Twilight said, dumbfounded.

“And I’m supposed to be a stealthy spy with a suit as sharp as all my knives.” I replied to prove the point that no one here was really normal.

“At least he looks happy.” Soul provided his own comment before Rarity could jump on the suit part. I chuckled.

“Yeah, everyone here usually is. Unless someone decides to start trolling their team, anyway.” I said, thinking back to my last game of TF2 on my computer back home. At least in Equestria, we don’t get any world-clipping issues, and sentries firing at us from underground.

~Captain Degroot~

Back When the Loch’n’Load Was Still OP As Fuck

“What the bloody hell?! How the hell’d they get that sentry there!?” Degroot shouted as he watched bullets and rockets flying out of the dirt in Upward. Teammate after teammate fell to the damn thing, until finally it targeted him. One rocket to the face later, and he just quit. That team then had to face their demoman drinking himself dead in the Spawn Room. Heavy took Degroot’s pirate hat when he wasn’t paying attention, gladly replacing his Gibus.

~Summer~

...Why do I suddenly feel like I’m gonna be proven wrong?

“Hey, ladies, what can I getcha?” Fleet greeted with a flirtatious smile.

“Flirt with these two, and we’re bringing Rainbow Dash next time.” I threatened. He winced, instinctively closing his hind legs together. I’d long since learned why rainbows make him cry.

“Okay, fair enough. So, seriously, take your pick.” he said, gesturing to the menu’s.

“What’s wrong with Rainbow?” Twilight asked. I chuckled, leaning in.

“Let’s just say there’s a reason both scouts cry at the sight of rainbows..” I whispered. I then pantomimed getting kicked in the nuts. After seeing they understood, I went on to browse the menu, skipping straight to the meat section. I noticed Soul did too, and though Rares and Twi noticed as well, they pretended they didn’t. Probably didn’t want to even think about having meat. But that little glance they sent our way and their slightly nervous twitches were apparently enough to tip Soul off to their stance to the food he was looking at.

“Maybe another time.” He quietly said as he quickly flipped back to vegetarian choices.

“I think I’ll go with Spaghetti and Meatballs.” I said, completely ignoring them. Soul sent me a quick narrow-eyed look before looking over the exotic dish section and choosing there.

“I’ll have sapphire and fruit salad, powder the gems please.” He chose.

“That have something to do with you being Natural Dark?” I asked, staring a bit in confusion.

“Not really… I think it’s just me. Not even Celestia is sure why I can process that.” Soul said with little uncertainty.

“It makes sense, to some degree. We already know your body’s unusual.” Twilight said. She pointed at a certain item on the menu for Fleet before continuing. “Like dragons, you can likely absorb the magic naturally present in gems, except for you, it helps your magic potency, rather than magic resistance.”

“Wow, an unusual body… better than an Unusual weapon.” Fleet joked. I laughed with him on that one, though Twilight and Rarity didn’t seem very amused. Soul chuckled a bit and looked at Fleet, more specifically, his hat. He lit his horn for a few seconds before speaking.

“Isn’t that even better?” he said as he pointed at Fleet’s… I think it’s called Special Delivery, but I do know it’s the hat from the Milk Man set. On it, I saw blue fire had come alight on it. Fleet took it off to inspect it, and stared with an epicly dropped jaw.

“Okay, just for that, your meal’s goin’ on the house.” he said, getting a little hyped as he put it back on. Rarity finally ordered her meal, pointing at an item for Fleet.

“Alrighty then, I’ll get this order to Manic, and you’ll have it here in no time.” Fleet said before heading off.

“Now Summer, what was that you said about a suit?” Rarity said, apparently not willing to let it go. I rolled my eyes and shifted into the suit, mask and all.

“Is this to your satisfaction?” I asked, using the accent as well. Rarity just swooned. Soul looked me up and down and smirked.

“You are missing something.” He then pulled out what looked like a packet of cigarettes. “Want a smoke?” he then flicked his hoof like one would with a wrist. “Or two.” I noticed there were now two packets of cigarettes resting atop Soul’s hoof, he repeated the gesture again and there were now five whole packets on a small pile. “Or perhaps five?” I chuckled a bit, ignoring the outright breaking of nature and just passing it off as highly magically augmented slight of hand.

“I can only think of two explanations for you knowing that meme. Number one is being an ex human like myself, and the other is that it somehow exists here.” I said.

“Does it matter?” He said and let the cigarettes fall to the ground… where they never made sound of impacting. Quick check later revealed that there were no cigarettes on the floor. Twilight and Rarity looked pretty dumbfounded by all of that and it showed in the way their mouths wouldn’t close.

“Kinda. I mean, it’s not that important, but I’d love it if I knew a human in Equestria that I didn’t hate to a larger than normal degree.” I said, ignoring the physics breaking again.

“You mean one that you didn’t shove headfirst through dimensional barriers?” He jabbed, glancing at the girls. They were still staring at Soul with this broken look.

“Oh come on. I didn’t shove them through, I dragged their souls with me. And it still stands that I hate my brother and sister to some degree that is larger than average. Other humans I haven’t really known, I can handle fine, as long as they behave the right way, but them? Yeah, much as I like having them around, I still hate them. You know, typical sibling bullshit.”

“No, i really don’t. If you didn’t notice, me and my sister happen to be on rather good terms.” Soul said with a shake of his head.

“Whatever. It’s not uncommon, one of my english teachers in middle school once told me about her two daughters. Says they never fight ever. Said teacher was the one that actually inspired me to be a writer.” I said. Twilight snapped out of her state at that.

“Oh! You’re a writer?” she said, definitely interested. Rarity took interest as well.

“Yeah, I’ve written a few stories related to this world. Fanfictions, since I was a fan of the show and I had these fantasies about changing some of its history.” I explained.

“Well congratulations, fiction became fact, hope you like the results.” Soul said with a slightly dramatic tone. I rolled my eyes.

“To be honest, I wouldn’t be surprised if I ended up meeting the other version of me that’s writing this timeline up. I’m half expecting to when Discord breaks free after the Gala. If I do, I am so gonna fuck with him for putting me in so many bad situations.” I said with slightly sadistic glee.

“... did you come up with me as well? The other version I mean.” Soul said after surprisingly short time.

“Probably not. I mean, me? The strongest thing I’m willing to come up with in a realistic scenario in this world is a friggin werepony hosting a Windigo Spirit for InFamous style ice powers. You’re obviously a lot stronger than that. Other me probably had a couple co-authors or something since I can’t really write without others helping generate the drive to.” I said, just waving it off.

“Alright, sounds interesting. We should probably stop though, this is getting so potentially meta that Pinkie is probably having a seizure right now.” Soul said, subtly looking at the girls.

“I forgot about the fictional worlds connection thing… I suppose it might just be easier to call them timelines. The concept is rather interesting…” Twilight muttered.

“Yeah. So anyw-” I was cut off as I heard an explosion. But it didn’t come from the kitchen, it sounded like it came from the distance, in the direction of Carousel Boutique.

“That came from my boutique!” Rarity panicked.

“You girls go on and check it out, I’ll hold onto your orders. Vigil’s headin’ with ya.” Fleet said as Vigil came out.

“Hey! I’m here too, you know!” Soul exclaimed with obviously false anger. Fleet waved it off, saying he was surrounded by girls, so it was hard to see him. Obviously meant as a joke, but he was kind of an ass about it. I promised myself I’d bring Rainbow back with me when we came back anyway to teach him not to insult that strongly.

At Rarity’s home, we stopped to stare at the big, gaping hole in the wall. “What the hell…?” I muttered. Though I noticed myself say it in Spy’s accent, which made me notice I was still in the suit. Switching out for my own disguise, I started heading closer.

“That is the work of a charged Plasma Blaster. I’ve fought waves of Six Hundred Sixty Six robots enough times to know what it can do. I had better not find Grey Mann in there, or somepony is going to get their ass kicked straight to the moon!” our hotheaded soldier friend said angrily. As I got closer, I saw Sweetie Belle holding her hoof far away from her with the most absolutely terrified look on her face.

“I have lasers in my hooves! And I don't know how they work!” Sweetie shouted in fear as she spotted us. Soldier froze in place, clearly afraid.

“Whatever you do, do not panic!” Soldier shouted. “Summer, go get Tinker. He should know how to help.” I nodded and took off flying without a disguise. Soon enough, I was back with Tinker.

“Phew… that’s a mighty strong laser.” Tinker said as he stared at the hole for a second. Then he turned to the cyborg responsible. Nopony had moved as of yet, much to my surprise. Tinker leaned in, apparently noticing something. “What the… Oh, hell. Sweetie, close all nonessential programs!” Tinker shouted.

“N-nonessential programs?” Sweetie asked with a trembling voice. “O-o-okay.” After a moment, I noticed what looked like a targeting reticle vanish from her eyes and a very high pitched whine sound stop.

“Alright, y’all. It’s safe.” Tinker said, heading forth. We followed him closer, and Rarity was the first one to sweep in and hug her.

“Oh Sweetie Belle… Whatever caused that mess? Are you okay?” she asked.

“I… saw a spider.” Sweetie said sheepishly. I blinked at that, looking at where the center of the blast was and saw the twitching legs of a spider. It was one of the Star Back Spiders. Vigil stared at the spider too.

“You were small and pathetic, and now you are dead. Amen.” Soldier said to the spider. Twilight raised an eyebrow at him, clearly wondering if he was crazy.

“Yeah, all of the mercs are quirky in their own way.” I told her.

“Tinker, did you know about this?” Soul said, pointing at Sweetie’s hoof, while also using that cloak of his as a tarp to cover the hole. Where he pulled it from I don't know.

“‘Fraid not, mister. To be completely honest, I didn’t even know what half the parts I put in her did. Guess now we found out though… I’ll need to finish that second model soon. No way I’m letting her keep those. And I need to run a few tests to see what they can do.” Tinker said.

“Well don’t destroy them. I can see potential.” I said smiling at the hole.

“What?! How could you suggest such a thing!” Rarity freaked out. I held up a hoof.

“In the distant future, there’s going to be a certain badass escaping from Tartarus. He steals and eats magic to grow stronger. That,” I pointed at the hole, “isn’t magic. So it can actually damage him.”

“Damage… you mean we can’t just stop it?” Twilight asked, a bit concerned. I nodded.

“There’s some things you just can’t show mercy to, Twilight. Tirek is one of them.” I said solemnly.

“You better make sure that that is the last possible option, I don’t like the idea of having a filly going up against him.” Soul voiced his opinion.

“Me either, but there’s at least three or four years before he starts growing more powerful. That’s enough time to train Sweetie how to effectively and properly use those weapons.” I said. Rarity seemed even more aghast about that.

“Weapons?! As in Plural?!” she screeched.

“Well yeah. Most of those parts were from a Nightmare that badly hurt my sister. You honestly think a laser weapon is gonna be the only weapon she has there?” I reasoned.

“Let me get it straight, you want to train a filly into a living weapon? Make an innocent pony into a machine of war?” Soul asked, getting slightly angry.

“No. I want to train a filly to defend herself and avoid repeats of this incident. What happens when we aren’t there to protect her? If she can’t protect herself, or if she hurts somepony else on accident…” I let the sentence hang for a second. “If this goes bad, I’ll take full responsibility. But I have hopes that this won’t end horribly.”

“You… you bring a good point. But… do you know what will happen if Canterlot nobility hears about the weapons? I really hope you are right about it not ending bad.” Soul relented and turned to Sweetie. “What about you Sweetie Belle? What is your choice?” The way he was looking at her was… strange, he has to be hiding something.

“...I think Summer’s right. I can’t just… freeze up in a bad situation. I need to learn.” Sweetie Belle hesitantly said. Rarity glared at Sweetie.

“Absolutely not! I will not have my sister running around with the tools of brutes in her!” Rarity said, clinging to the protective instinct.

“Well it’s a good thing they aren’t the tools of brutes. They’re tools of justice, defense, and most importantly… life savers.” I pointed out. Rarity seemed a bit less resistant at the idea after that, but she was still hesitant.

“Choosing the path of a hero? It's strangely fitting, considering what you are wearing. Did you ever tell Rarity what the scarf stands for?” Soul said, confusing us for a moment. Rarity frowned as Sweetie blinked in realization, and smiled in Determination.

“Oh yeah! Spec called it the Hero’s Scarf. She told me ‘it protects the hero, so she may protect others.’ I haven’t stopped wearing it since she gave it to me…” she said with a heartfelt smile. Then she frowned. “That reminds me, what is Shipping?” I had to struggle not to burst into laughter. Rarity though got a bit nervous and glanced at all of us.

“U-uh, why do you ask, Sweetie?” Rarity nervously asked.

“Well, in the middle of a moment between me and Spec in my dream, someone off to the side shouted ‘I ship it’, but I never saw who it was…” Sweetie Belle explained. I saw Soul glaring at me from the side, probably knowing about my dream walking ability and automatically pinning me as the shouter.

“W-what?” I stuttered from nearly failing to contain my laughter. “Don’t look at me, I’m not the only one capable of dream walking.” I said, failing partially to keep a grin off my face.

“Then why are you struggling so much to keep a straight face?” Soul said with slight amusement at my failing attempts. A snrk escaped me then as I got an idea.

“Because I find it really… floats my boat.” I punned to cover up. Twilight and Rarity groaned. In the back of my mind, a tiny voice that wasn’t Eclipse was cursing Sans to the grave. Sweetie Belle rolled her eyes though. At least Soul stopped with the glaring.

“Hey Soul?” Sweetie Belle called. “Would you happen to know when Spec’s coming back? Mom and Dad want to meet her.” Soul blinked and looked away slightly.

“No, unfortunately I don't. There was an… incident in Canterlot the day she came back, and she was sent elsewhere for her safety. Her potential is… big, she is fated to replace me someday, should something happen to me.” Soul explained with a mix of emotions, sadness and… guilt? Sensing that, I almost let my suspicions about him come back… but held off for now. Sweetie and Rarity frowned in disappointment at that, sad that they wouldn’t be seeing Spec for a while. Rarity then spoke up.

“Soul, dearie… what is that fabric you put up?” she asked, looking at the covered hole.

“This? It's called Shadow-weave, or ‘solid shadows’ if you want it blunt. Doesn't really do much but look cool and help with concealment. Why are you asking?” Soul explained.

“It’s absolutely marvelous. Just seeing that sheet is inspiring numerous ideas!”

“Heh, let me guess, you want some for your dresses, don't you?” Soul said with not so enthusiastic, but knowing smile. I chuckled as Rarity nodded with a very hyped grin. “I’m sorry to break it to you, but it doesn't quite act like your normal fabric.” Soul said as he used nearby scissors to cut a corner of the sheet off. The corner quickly dissipated into nothing and the sheet slowly regrew the missing part. “It tries to keep the shape in which it was created, so even if I left you with a roll of the stuff, you couldn't work with it.” At seeing Rarity’s sad and disappointed expression he quickly continued. “But! There could be a way.”

“Really?!” she gasped. “Please tell me!”

“It’s going to take a while, but if you can get through the psychological testing, you could get a permit for using the Shadow-weave spell. It’s surprisingly low on the Dark Magic scale of power, enough that it's possible to use it safely for short periods of time. So, what do you say?” Soul said. Rarity blinked at that, before thinking it through.

“I believe… I might be willing to do that.” Rarity agreed, much to the encouraging smiles of those present.

“Great, all you need to do is send official request to the nearest certified institution, which I believe is in Canterlot. Then it's just bunch of paperwork, interviews, magic testing and finally finding a capable teacher.” Soul recounted what will be necessary with a smile.

“Sounds easy enough to handle. I shall be there tomorrow, provided I can make arrangements for someone to keep an eye on Sweetie Belle.” Rarity said. Tinker was quick to jump on that.

“I could keep an eye on ‘er. Not too much trouble keepin a filly in check.” he said, tipping his hat to her, which I noticed right then was an Unusual.

“Alright then. I’m going back to the restaurant. Lunch break’s almost over, and I still haven’t eaten.” I called out, turning and heading back to the restaurant.

“I’ll come too, and I’ll bring Sweetie with me.” Rarity said. Twilight joined soon after. Soul checked the sheet one last time and stepped along behind us. Tinker and Vigil joined us as well, walking along happily.

When we got back to the restaurant, we took our seats again, Tinker and Vigil heading back into the employee’s area. Sweetie got her own order too, and Fleet brought the meals in.

“Wait, is that meat?!” Sweetie asked in horror when she saw my plate of spaghetti.

“Yeah? What’s the issue here?” I asked, pretending to be ignorant.

“Real sensitive of you Summer.” Soul said sarcastically. I tilted my head at him.

“What? It’s just meat, it’s not like I eat ponies.” I said. I could have sworn I saw Sweetie turning a bit green there, but she was made of mostly metal. It must have been my imagination.

“But… you kinda do. Emotions and all that.” Soul argued. I deadpanned.

“There’s a huge difference between eating ponies and eating emotions.” I replied.

“I know.” He said with a grin, before getting a bit more serious. “But you could at least respect that ponies are instinctively repulsed at the sight of meat being eaten. Most of them anyway.”

“Fine, but it’s not like I can help it. I love meat.” I replied. Though I refrained from adding ‘in more ways than one’ for the sake of Sweetie’s innocence.

“I’m not telling you to give it up, just… next time. Let’s stop arguing and start eating.” Soul said with a sigh. I nodded, getting started with my spaghetti. I chuckled as I thought of Papyrus because of it. The rest soon started on their own meals, with various degrees of unease about my food. To get it over with, I wolfed down all the meatballs and went from there at a calmer pace.

“Alright then, meat’s gone. Now, on with lighter conversation topics. Hopefully.” I prompted. Twilight took that chance to ask about something I could sense she was wondering about since the moment she saw Soul get those smoke packs out of nowhere.

“Hey Soul, how did you make those packs just… appear?” she asked.

“Oh, you mean like this?” Soul said and pulled a sealed scroll from under the table, he then stuffed it into his mane. “It’s a play with perspective, it looks like the stuff just appears, but I actually pull it from elsewhere.”

“Oh, so magically enhanced sleight of ha- er, hoof.” I summarized.

“Yeah, you saw me do it without the tricks before. I use my shadow to access a small pocket dimension I created, figured that physically reaching into my shadow every time would freak ponies out, so I kinda mimic what Pinkie is doing.” Soul explained. That set off a rather complex train of thought in my head that lead me on a roundabout journey to my next question.

“...Does it suddenly occur to anyone else that Pinkie might be a Natural Dark and just not know it?” I asked.

“... I don’t think so? I mean, I should have noticed, and she should have been confronted about it already by now.” Soul replied, suddenly in deep thought.

“And if she’s got Chaos Magic like Discord somehow? She is rather chaotic.” I suggested. Twilight blinked as she processed that idea.

“Oh my gosh, this could explain everything!” Twilight gasped.

“No, 42 explains life, the universe, and everything.” I retorted jokingly. “This just explains what you’re talking about in a presentational context.”

“Details.” Soul muttered. I just grinned a bit, at least until Fleet shouted in my ear.

“NEEEEEERD! OW!” I slapped him.

“No. Bad scout. Bad.” I scolded him like a dog. I heard Degroot laughing up a storm in the kitchen after that, and just smirked as I waited for the fallout of that. Fleet, predictably, got angry and shouted his “I’m gonna headbutt ya” line as he began chasing Degroot around the place with a bat. Meanwhile, I just sat at my table, slurping up noodles. Like a boss. Soul only glanced at that with a raised eyebrow, but quickly returned to his salad. Sweetie though was giggling at the cartoonish display, but she still ate her own salad bowl.

~Catt~

I purred happily under the loving petting of my brother. It had been a long time (at least by my standards) since we had seen each other, and he was actually spending some time with me now. Of course the first thing he asked was how it felt to be pet, probably because of how fluffy my tails were. He became dead set on helping me find out when I told him I had no idea. Catrina refused to speak when I agreed though, despite multiple attempts to get her to. It was like it embarrassed her or something. Eventually though, Derek had to get up, which meant he had to stop petting me.

“Aw…” I pout sadly, already missing his fingers getting behind my ears.

“Sorry, sis, but I have paperwork to get to.” He explained. I sighed and waved him off, before heading off, just wandering the castle. Eventually, I got to the gardens where some nobles were talking. Said nobles noticed me and one of them started coming over. I rolled my eyes, already used to this happening.

“Hello, sir. Would you like to speak about something?” I asked courteously, as Fancy had taught me to speak. I fought the urge to gag on those words.

“As a matter of fact, yes I would, mi’lady. If you have the time that is?” the stallion approaching said with a smile. I almost rolled my eyes.

“Yes, I have no current appointments. What is it?” I asked, hiding the irritation I felt.

“I just have a message I would like to get to your sister, that’s all.” He replied, smiling disarmingly. I sighed.

“I’m sorry, but unless it’s something that can save more ponies’ lives, she likely won’t be interested. She’s a guardian, not a political pawn.” I warned him off. He seemed undeterred, however.

“Oh, it’s nothing like that, I assure you. It’s just that I’ve heard she’s done wonders about a shy pegasus’s attitude, allowing her to be more assertive. I’d like to ask if she can come and help me with my child. The little brat just won’t take no for an answer anymore, and seems to believe she can just order us around and get whatever she wants.”

I raised my eyebrow. “Actually… that does seem like something my sister would be interested in helping with… I’ll pass her the message, then. It’s up to her where it goes from there.” I agreed. He nodded thankfully.

“Thank you. I’d best be off, but it has been a pleasure speaking with you.” he said, smiling before walking away. I almost could have sworn I heard him chuckle as he did though, but since Catrina said she’d picked up nothing, I shrugged it off. I headed back inside to avoid running into any other nobles, but was surprised by my brother hugging me from behind.

“Hey Catt, come on! The princesses got a secret, and I want you to come with to find out!” he said before promptly dragging me away. In the blink of an eye though, I was set down… somewhere else. What the hell? Did we warp or something? “Sorry if the shortcut was a little disorienting. I’m a little new to them.”

“I-it’s fine… just surprising.” I replied. He then crawled forth through the upper ventilation shaft we were apparently in (wait, this castle had ventilation? I thought it was enchantments!) gesturing for me to follow. Eventually, I heard a pair of voices, one more familiar than the other.

“Art thou certain thou hast thought this through, sister?” I heard Luna ask.

“Yeah, relax. I have it completely planned out. There’s no way he can deny anything I point out.” I heard Celly reassure.

“What about the way he feels about this? Surely if he wished to remain hidden when he arrived, he dost not want a position of power such as ours.” Luna skeptically asked. Celestia shrugged.

“He just wants to keep our world from falling like we do. He’s just going about it a different way. As soon as his way fails though… well, he won’t have a choice in the end. When ponies start asking questions it will be too late for him to just disappear.”

“Thou knowst about his other appearances though, dost thou not? He dost not hath only one identity to assume.” Luna countered.

“Pfft… yeah, she’s gonna bust it sooner or later. He’s already noted how she nearly outed it the instant there was a glimpse of similarity had it not been for his quick thinking.” Celly shot down that worry.

“And what of the political fallout?” Luna asked simply. I almost felt the smirk Celly had taken to giving.

“What fallout? Just relax, Luna. I’ve played the part of the puppet master for so long it’s almost second nature. Just a subtle line here, a secret agent there, and voila. Things are better. If it helps, I’m sure revealing what he’s done for Equestria lately wouldn’t hurt anything.” I almost facepawed as she said that.

“...Sister, Summer struck you for that line of thought.” Luna reminded her. “He will likely do worse if thou even try to do that against his will.”

“That’s… actually kind of a scary picture.” Celly hesitated.

“Indeed. As well, he is not ready for the responsibilities he must face.” Luna argued further.

“Oh, he’s had preparation. He just doesn’t know it yet.” Celly slyly remarked.

“Ugh… thou hast changed much in the past thousand years, sister… We almost don’t even recognise thou.” Luna groaned.

“Hey, c’mon. The last thousand years haven’t exactly been quiet, or easy. I learned a lot, tried new things… but it was still pretty lonely being the one and only pony up on the throne.” Celly protested.

“Is that why thou hath changed your name?” Luna asked curiously. I blinked in surprise at that and almost missed Celestia’s reply, especially how her tone had shifted from cocky and youthful to old, tired, and serious.

“Luna, after you were banished, I felt awful. I had failed you, and the entire kingdom with you when I ignored your concerns. I couldn’t go on like nothing happened, but I couldn’t leave either. I thought about taking my own life, but that would be even worse for the entire world. So, if I couldn’t end my suffering, I decided to endure it and come out better for it. I decided to be a different pony, and I buried my past self and my old name with it, because I couldn’t bear the pain of being addressed by it.” Derek slinked forth a bit, touched by the speech. Then, he fell from the vent, landing silently in the room.

“Your highnesses…” he said, holding out a few sheets of paper. “My paperwork is done. Very moving speech by the way.” he said. I just sat there watching in horror.

“Oh, thanks. I hope it wasn’t too cheesy. I’ve been trying to work the cheese out of it for the past hundred years.” Celly said, sounding pleasantly surprised. Luna dropped her jaw.

“You require more cheese.” Derek joked in a false deadpan. I groaned out loud at that.

“Oh, look what the cat dragged in.” Celly punned. “You two have been listening for a while, huh?” As I crawled out of the vent, knowing it was hopeless to stay and hope she didn’t hear me, I rolled my eyes… and then I saw her looking at me with a super cheerful expression that came across as homicidal.

“Y-yes… but all we heard was some pronoun game…” I muttered. Her expression lessened slightly. “I won’t tell anyone.” Satisfied with me, she turned creepy mcCreepyface on Derek.

“Don’t worry, I’m the quiet type.” He assured. Celestia smiled normally in satisfaction.

“That’s good. But if I find out someone else knows about this… you two will be missed.” Celestia promised. With that ominous vow in place, the two of us turned around and walked out as quickly as we could without running… until we were out of sight, and we started sprinting away in a mad dash to get some distance.