In the dark of the night, a poor, defenseless styrofoam cup is ruthlessly crushed underneath Pinkie Pie's burnt boot as she stomps down a grungy alley with her team in tow. All of them are covered in blotches of black, smoke lingers from their spiked up hair and flash ironed clothes. All of their skins are also red and each one winces from every step they take.

“This night has gone well, so far,” says Rarity sourly.

Trixie's stomach growls, and she clutches her gut as she looks at the team like a sick puppy. “Can't we just break into a vending machine and grab some candy? Rarity can buy a new phone.”

Rarity glares at Trixie and Applejack rolls her eyes.

“Trixie, we're all hungry, but we ain't robbing anybody,” says Applejack.

“We're getting Rarity's phone back before we eat anything,” says Pinkie Pie. She then clenches her fists and her eyes narrow ahead at the brightly lit street at the end of the alley. “And I swear, when we eat, I will eat a whole pony.”

“With barbecue sauce?” asks Trixie with watery eyes and mouth.

Pinkie Pie looks over her shoulder and smiles at Trixie. “Definitely with barbecue sauce.”

And then she comes to an abrupt stop when she runs into a metal pole. The impact knocks her vision and footing out of balance and leaves a red line on her face that feels like a hot iron being smacked against her burnt skin.

“Crap!” Pinkie Pie staggers back with her eyes squeezed shut and her hands pressed against her face, which only makes the pain worse, and she turns around and stomps her foot, screaming through her hands. “Ow! What the heck!?”

She throws her hands down and spins on her heel to stare death at the menace.

“Seriously, what-” Pinkie Pie stops and her eyes grow like a blooming flower at who she sees being blessed by the illumination of the lamp post.

Who she ran into is not a pole, but rather a tall man who is not as muscular as the one who stole Rarity's phone and electrocuted them, but they do share the same golden eyes and silver hair. Though, his hair is more wavy and his bangs curl down his smooth, perfectly sculpted face that is colored like refined bronze. Then there is his style. A red tail coat with black cuffs and gold buttons over his blue vest and pants. He is a beautiful man. An absolutely beautiful man who just went shopping if his bags of linen and sewing needles are any indication.

“Oh... Hi,” squeaks Pinkie Pie, her face now red like a healthy apple.

The rest of her team flanks her and Applejack shakes her head while Rarity stares blankly at the man and Trixie tilts her head to the side. The strange man stares at Pinkie Pie for a moment with absolutely no discernible expressions, but that all changes seconds later when he looks her over and smiles with his hand out.

“Greetings, attractive female. My name is Pinprick Pierce,” says the man.

Pinkie Pie squees and shudders with hearts pumping in her glittering eyes while shaking his hand and looking at her team. “Did you hear that? He called me attractive!”

“And what may I call you, beautiful angel?”

Trixie turns away, gagging, while Applejack's face finds comfort in her hand.

“Oh, you can call me Pinkie Pie.” She leans up next to him and waggles her brow with a lewd smile. “Or future wife, if you know what I mean?”

Pinprick grins. “I believe I do.”

Rarity cringes and extends her hand out slightly. “Pinkie, I think you should slow down. It is not lady like to throw yourself out like that.”

“Or intelligent,” adds Trixie.

Pinkie Pie sticks her nose up snobbishly and caresses Pinprick's smooth jacket. “You're all just jealous that this hunk chose me over you. Deal with it. He likes me.”

“There is no way you can be this desperate!” says Rarity.

“Actually, you'd be surprised,” says Applejack. “Pinkie has a special talent of being single.”

“Says the asexual!” snaps Pinkie Pie.

Applejack points at Pinkie Pie harshly. “Hey, I choose not to be romantically involved with anybody! Big difference from what happens to you!”

Pinkie Pie sticks her tongue out at Applejack, earning her a growl, and she snickers and places her palm on Pinprick's chest when he wraps his arm lovingly around her waist.

“Indeed, your body structure and first impression behavior indicate a suitable companion for those who enjoy exuberant personalities,” says Pinprick. “I would like to continue this relationship in hopes of advancing our friendship.”

Pinkie Pie turns slightly and fist pumps. “All right.”

And off to the side, Team PART(ie)'s jaws are to the ground, and Pinkie Pie whips her hair around and blinks with lidded eyes at her team.

“Checkmate, teammates,” says Pinkie Pie.

Trixie's mouth closes and her steps are robotic as she walks towards the road. But rather than trying to stop her, her teammates just stare at her.

“Where are you going?” asks Applejack.

“Trixie has to be dreaming, so Trixie will walk in front of a bus to wake up,” says Trixie.

Applejack sighs, and one quick stride later she has Trixie by the collar and is dragging her back to Rarity's spot.

“Don't be stupid,” says Applejack. “Pinkie's just lost her marbles and we need to snap her out of this stupid trance she is in.”

“My trance is powered by love. You wouldn't understand,” says Pinkie Pie.

Applejack's eyes narrow to slits and her knuckles turn white from how hard she is clenching her fists, and as this happens, Rarity steps forward and takes a deep breath.

“Pinkie, does it not concern you how strange this man is?” asks Rarity. “Or the fact that my phone is still missing?”

Pinkie Pie looks at Pinprick's perfect smile, and she looks back at Rarity, blinking blankly.

“Have you met me?” asks Pinkie Pie.

“We're just saying that he seems a bit off, Pinks,” says Applejack. “Like, unhealthy kind of off.”

“Pinprick can hear you, you know?”

“Indeed I can hear all of you,” says Pinprick. “My hearing is actually above average by an estimated seventy five percent.”

“Okay, this guy is definitely on some kind of drug,” says Trixie. “Actually, he's probably on a lot of drugs. He might actually be a drug dealer for all we know!” Her hand snaps to her wand and she snarls at Pinprick with her stance ready to charge him. “What kind of smack are you dealing, fiend!”

Pinkie Pie points at Trixie. “Calm down, Trixie!”

“Calm down? I'm hungry, we got mugged and electrocuted, we've been walking aimlessly for hours looking for a stupid phone, and now we run into this drugged up crime lord? No calm for me, thank you!”

“He's not on drugs! I would know if he was.”

“Oh, yeah? How?”

“Maud.”

“Who?”

“Maud.”

“Mud?”

“Maud!”

“Who the heck is Mon?”

Pinkie Pie waves her hand dismissively at Trixie. “Forget it. He's not on drugs. I love him. End of story.”

Pinprick looks at Trixie, his ever growing smile exposing more of his perfect teeth. “I can assure you my circulatory and nervous systems, internal organs and thought processes are not compromised by any foreign substances.”

Three sets of eyes dim as all sense of thought evaporates from them, but Pinkie's only glows brighter, and she hugs him once again.

“See, you guys? He's smart and good looking.” Pinkie Pie hugs his arm and giggles as she stares lovingly into his magnificent golden orbs of sunshine eyes. “And strong, too. You should feel his muscles, AJ. He pumps some iron. He's like the perfect man.”

“That's nice, but you can't keep him and he can't have you,” says Applejack, frowning deeply with her arms folded across her chest.

Pinkie Pie looks at Applejack with sad puppy eyes. “Aw, why not?”

“Because he's weird and I don't care what you say, he's on something!” says Trixie. “The guy hasn't even blinked, yet.”

“Then I shall blink for you, average female.” Pinprick blinks. “I blinked.”

Trixie's eye twitches and Rarity shakes her head and approaches Pinprick's side to give him a look over of her own.

“Yes, I think we can agree that he is good looking and has some sense of style, even if it is a bit dated,” states Rarity.

“Dibs. He's mine,” says Pinkie Pie, hugging Pinprick tighter.

Rarity shoots a nasty look at Pinkie Pie for the briefest of moments, and then she takes a deep breath and slowly exhales. “But we still need to find the Tsunite that stole my phone and electrocuted us. As team leader of PART I would think that would be a priority rather than picking up a date.”

“You just want him for yourself,” accuses Pinkie Pie. “But I see through your deception.”

Rarity growls. “I'm being serious. Besides, if I wanted to, I can get any boy I want. My looks and feminine charm are a guarantee of that.”

Applejack leans towards Trixie, grinning wolfishly. “And I thought your ego was bad.”

Trixie frowns. “Thanks.”

“I heard that!” snaps Rarity. “As for you, Pinprick, we're looking for a Tsunite like you, only taller, darker, dressed like a hoodlum and has a backpack full of stolen stuff.”

Trixie stares at Rarity hands up slightly and an annoyed snarl twisting her face, and Pinprick instantly points behind him.

“Oh, yes, the Tsuinite-Negro went that way to the Projects,” says Pinprick.

“Excellent!” says Rarity. “Thank you for your help.”

Pinprick smiles and waves. “It was my pleasure.”

She and the other two start walking, but-

“Do you want to come with us?” says Pinkie Pie.

The trio freezes and groans, and Pinkie Pie looks at them questionably without breaking away from Pinprick.

“What?” asks Pinkie Pie.

The three march back to Pinkie Pie and Applejack places a firm hand on her shoulder while taking a long, slow deep breath.

“Pinkie, you just met this guy a few minutes ago,” says Applejack after a drawn out exhale. “You don't know anything about him.” She nods to his bag of goods. “Besides, I'm sure he would like to go home to finish whatever it is he was working on.”

“But I feel a bond forming,” says Pinkie Pie. She sniffs deeply and gazes towards the moon with a manly tear sliding down her cheek. “And it is glorious.”

“Your cousin is desperate,” says Trixie.

“Yeah, I know, and I'm done talking about this nonsense,” says Applejack. She pulls Pinkie Pie off of Pinprick with no effort, slings her over her shoulder and walks off with the others without any care of her kicking and screaming. “Let's go, Pinks.”

“But my future happiness is right there!” cries Pinkie Pie with tears pouring down her cheeks and her hands outstretched towards the ever shrinking Pinprick.

“You can reunite with your happiness when I get my phone back,” says Rarity. “I will even pay for your first date if you act like a leader. How does that sound?”

“It sounds like a bribe!”

“You ain't reuniting with that happiness. You're gonna have to find another one,” says Applejack. “Besides, you're our leader and searching for Rarity's phone was your idea, so please stop being dramatic and play the role.”

“Call me!” hollers Pinkie Pie.

“I shall!” replies Pinprick, now waving to her.

Pinkie Pie waves back, and when the group rounds a corner and her future happiness disappears from sight, bringing in the cold, dark, abyss into her soul once more.

Author's Notes:

I don't... I don't know. I don't know. I. Don't. Know.

How did this chapter happen!?

I don't know, but progress -not filler- next time for PART(ie)