"We're in the basement right now, John, so come with me. I'll show you to the elevator."

"Alright...Wait elevator? How do you even have that. From what I saw when I was summoned, there wasn't really  any technology."

"Well, lets just say, being rich and having magic has its perks." He tells me, a smug look crossing his face.

"Pfft, beam your magic stick all you want. You don't have technology like my people did."

"Speaking of your people, you should tell me more about the world you were in, before all of this."

"I will later." I tell him, the lie coming easy to me because of my common truthfulness to all of my friends back on Earth. Or, at least the Earth I knew.

"Alright you promisssseee?" he says in the voice of a pre-pubescent child.

"Fuck you"

We walk silently after that, through the halls to the magic elevator. The walls in the basement are actually a really nice slate color. At least Axle knows his color shit. When we get to the elevator, I'm pretty underwhelmed. The 'elevator' is a fucking  blue glowing circle of weird symbols on the ground. When you walk on it, according to Axle, you have to have your destination in the house in mind. So if you're thinking about naked women, and want to end up at the upstairs elevator, you need put away your mind-strippers, and think about the upstairs elevator.

"Alright, stand on it and concentrate, just like I told you." He tells me, as if he's done this a million times. Most laid back ma-or pony rather, of the year right here.

I take a step into the blue circle, honestly afraid of what would happen. If healing magic didn't work on me, who knows if this will?

"Concentrate John, thats it. Think of the next elevator, and you will just poof right up"

Fine.

Upstairs elevator...Upstairs elevatorr- HOLY SHIT

I look around, apparently this is the upstairs floor, or relative to the basement at least. I suppose this is the central floor of the house then.

Rich ass magical ass motherfucker. His basement was half the size of my home.....my home...

Don't think about it John, you have to play this smart.

Shortly after I step off of the blue circle,  Axle pops right up.

"Gee, you took your sweet ass time" I tell him in the most sarcastic tone I could manage.

"Well, there was a sssllight chance half of your body could've not have went with you, and be trapped in limbo. I stayed back to make sure, if that did happen, that I could pull you back."

.............Motherfucker.

"So what you're saying, is that  I COULD'VE DIED! AND YOU DIDN'T THINK TO TELL ME YOU DUMB ASS HORSE!" I yell at him, absolutely furious about the situation. He cowers down from my screaming. I can tell that he is deeply sorry for what he did, but that doesn't change the fact that he endangered my life. Even if he was trying to make sure I was okay, he should've fucking told me there was a risk involved.

In my rage I pull the knife out. He sees the engraving on it, and goes wide-eyed, but says nothing. I scream and throw it at the wall. It bounces out and clatters to the ground.

"Where...did you get that knife John..." He tells me, actually sounding scared for the first time since i've met him .

The hell? Is it special to him? No, that couldn't be... this was from back there...not here. Then again, I'm in a world of magic talking marshmallows. I suppose anything goes at that point.

"Why do you care, you almost fucking killed me with your magic elevator you fucking marshmallow!" As soon as I say that last part I can't help but start giggling.

"Hehe...marshmallow pony. Haahaaaa!" Axle looks at me like a deer in headlights. He probably thinks I'm batshit crazy now.

"Ummm...are you okay John?" he asks me, unsure if I'll yell or laugh at him.

"It's... fine, for now. Lets just go get that food, marshmallow."

I can't yell at him like that again, no matter what he does. He saved my life... and i'm here yelling at him because he tried to make sure I was safe again.

"There's something I actually wanted to tell you about that, John. If you've calmed down from your strange behavior."

"What is it marshmallow man?" I ask him as my belly growls

"Whats a man? Eh, not important, Anyways I was actually going to get groceries today, but since you're here, I guess you'll have to go with me." My stomach rumbles at this green unicorns fowl speech.

"So the marshmallow that almost killed me, now is telling me that he doesn't have food for his lovely guest?"

"Pretty much" He says with a smile that was supposed to be cute.

"I still haven't forgiven you." His face goes slightly red and his smile disappears

"Look, John I was just trying to make su-"

"Shut up. The sooner you stop talking about it, the sooner i'll be happy."

"okay. lets just go get some food."

"Finally, I've been waiting since I woke up." I say in the most cross voice I can manage, and head towards the door. Only to realize that I have no idea where the door is.

"Axle, where is the front door?" I say, looking straight at him as he paws the ground.

"Well,  you just have to believe Johnny!" I hate that name.

"Don't say that again. Ever. Now can your shit and tell me how to get out of this house."

"Follow me" he sighs, drooping his head while walking into another room.

Maybe I'm being a bit too mean to the poor guy.

"Hey Axle, I'm sorry man. I know I'm being a dick, but I just... I'm pissed about being here. I want to be home, with my family." I vent while following him.

Honestly, I shouldn't have said all of that. That doesn't mean I don't like him... I just hate this place. I'm in a world of little horses that talk and do magic spells. Why couldn't I have been summoned to some damn world that I could be useful in, at least. I would prefer to not have been summoned anywhere. This is just too stressful. I need to just go and get food with Axle- I guess i'm not myself when I'm hungry. I need a snickers badly man.

He leads me to the door and we walk out into the cool, brisk, night air. Why do I have to be the only human here?

"The moon is beautiful tonight" I say whilst admiring the celestial body as it hangs in the sky without a care in the world.

"Better not say that around Luna, she doesn't really get any compliments, so she might try to have some kinky sex with you if you tell her that."

I regret everything. Fucking a pony... gross. Completely unaware of my disgust, Axle starts down the road. I have to follow him at a quick pace to keep up though.

"Who even is Luna?" I ask him, disgusted, but genuinely curious as to who this perso-pony is and what they have to do with the moon.

"Well, we are in Ponyville now."

I nod

"Ponyville is in a nation called Equestria, and there are two princesses that rule over the country."

"Wait but that's not how monarchies work there has to be a ki-"

"I know. But the princesses are what's called alicorns. They have wings and a horn, so they're a bit more special than the rest of us, being that they are the only alicorns."

"Oooh. But that doesn't explain the moon part."

"I'm getting to that, chill. Huh. chill. Get it? Because its cold outside!"

"Kill yourself."

"Anyways, there isn't a male alicorn around, so that's why there isn't a king. Also they control the sun and moon. They raise and lower it each dusk and dawn."

"Bullshit. The Sun, first of all doesn't move around us. The Earth revolves around the Sun, and The Moon rotates around the Earth. That shit works because of gravity."

"Well, duh. I know that, being an educated, strapping, young lad. But most of the population doesn't. It keeps them in power. If the ponies weren't scared that they would never see the sun or moon again, they would've been fed up thousands of years ago."

"Wait thousa-" I step on a pebble. Ouch. "...thousands?"

"Yeah, alicorns live forever."

"Damn. So what you're saying is that we're in North Korea, with a cyborg Kim Jong Un that will never die?"

"I have no idea what any of that is, John."

"Well T-"

"Hey we're here!" He interrupts.

We've arrived at some murder shack near the outskirts of town. If he thinks I'm going in there, he has another thing coming. Then again, if there's food, I'm ready to choke a bitch. The place is all rickety, with some of the wooden boards being cracked and rotten.

"The Hell is this? You taking me to a murder shack man?" I ask.

"Well, I saw those canines you have, and well  I figured you like eating meat. Ponies are pretty taboo about that, so I took you to a meat shack on the outskirts of the town."

"Oh, shit. Thanks man. That's actually really nice. Do you eat any of it?" I ask him, curious about pony food philosophy.

"I've had it, and I definitely have some fond memories. But ponies have very strong senses of smell, so they might think i'm some sort of pony eating menace if they smell anything on me."

"That... actually makes sense. I guess you smelled meat on me too then?"

"No, I smelled some sex fluids around your waist when I carried you back to my place, which might I add, I know are yours because they correspond to your pheromones. Good job getting it all over yourself."

"....lets just get that meat."

We walk into the shack, Axle seems pretty calm, but I still think were going to get murdered here. Axle goes up to the counter near the edge of the area and rings a small bell. A big black pony comes out from the back, with a big cleaver picture on his ass. I decide that I'll ask Axle why everyone has little tattoos on their asses later.

"Whata'ya buying boys?" He says in a deep, scruffy voice.

"Well with everypony so taboo about the whole meat eating thing, I decided to come and get some meat for my friend here." He tells him.

Everypony.... he didn't say that before. That shits racist!

"Alright what kind of meat are ya lookin for stallion?" he says while looking to me.

I'm not a horse....

Axle looks over to me, expecting an answer.

I hope these guys have the same stuff as back home.

"Chicken. Lots of chicken." I say, my mouth watering at the thought of some chicken nuggets. That would be good right about now. Yum.

The man goes around the back and grabs some of what looks to be pre-prepared goods and brings them to me.

"Alright you strange creature, here's your chicken. That'll be 25 bits.

Before I can ask what the fuck that is, Axle pulls some gold coins out of his... somewhere, and hands it to the ma-stallion.

I guess its currency.... But holy shit that was solid fucking gold ... My God....

"Thank you sir" Axle says politely while he turns around. I follow suit and walk out with him.

"Well that went well." I sigh as we start walking back.

"Oh don't worry, we still need to get me some foodies , and then we have more shopping for you tomorrow. Because you're a bum that lives with the rich guy in town,  It is my duty to purchase you some new clothes, and other goods." He says that last bit in a faux rich snob accent while winking to me.

"Ughhhhh I'm so hungry I could eat a horse."

Axle just shakes his head and sighs.

-~@~-

I walk up to the door, Axle behind me, levitating different foodstuffs around. I open up the door and nearly go and collapse on the couch before Axle stops me.

"Aren't you hungry?" He says while putting food down, walking over and opening what I assume is a magically powered fridge.

"But sleepy times await me. I must go to them!

"Help me put these up first at least. If you do you can have chicken for breakfast."  

I hop up and run over to him.

"Aw hell yeah nigga!" I yell as I take food out of the bags and carry it to the fridge.

Strangely, there was a note on the chicken in front of me.  I make sure Axle isn't watching and take a peek at it.

Trust the green one

Well that was ominous...

I look over, making sure Axle still isn't looking and shove the note into my pocket.

Things just keep getting weirder and weirder around here man.