“Your cooking’s getting a lot better,” Diamond Tiara complimented me as she finished her breakfast. “Actually… suspiciously so. What’s your secret?”

“I paid Cracked Eggs to give me some private lessons,” I admitted. “Your parents let him go recently, so he was eager for the bits. I’ve been thinking maybe I should lend him enough to start a restaurant. What do you think? Ponyville have enough market for a place that specializes in breakfasts?”

“That’s… not a terrible idea. I’ll ask around, see what everypony thinks,” Diamond offered. “He was always pretty good, and our family used to have enough staff to run a restaurant just for our own use. If they’re all on the street…”

“Maybe you could manage it?” I thought aloud. “Or at least to get it started. Isn’t that what your cutie mark is about? Leadership?”

“You got that right,” the filly said, tapping her rump with a hoof, grinning proudly. “But… with school and the Elements of Greatness… do you think I have time?”

“Speaking of which… let’s get you to the main road before you’re late for class,” I said. With that, I took my sword from its hooks on the wall and slipped it into position on my back, while she strapped on her Poison Joke sprayer. “Maybe it’s not the right time, or maybe you take a high level role, delegate the day to day stuff. We’ll talk more about it tonight.”

“After Pinkie’s surprise party, you mean?” she inquired as we headed for the door. “Don’t forget, you’re on distraction dut-” She cut off with a look of shock as a knock on the door was accompanied by Pinkie’s face pressed up against the glass of the adjacent window. There was a basket of pink envelopes affixed to her head.

I opened the door and greeted her. “Pinkie! What brings you here?” I asked.

“I came to invite you to Gummy’s after-birthday party! It’s this afternoon at three!” she announced, offering me an envelope.

“This afternoon?” I inquired, as a quick check of the contents of the envelope assured me that was the case.

“This afternoon, this afternoon!” she verified.

“I’d love to…” I started.

“But… you’ve got some suspiciously coincidentally timed obligation you have to attend to…?” she said, eyeing me a bit creepily.

“Not really, no,” I said. “The matter Diamond and I were just discussing is going to take some time to decide on, and even longer to get started. If we do it at all. Our weekly training session isn’t until tomorrow, and Diamond will still be in school at that point… You don’t mind if she and her friends join after class, do you?”

“Of course not! The more the merrier!” Pinkie declared, before a quibble snuck onto her lip.

“Great! Actually, why don’t you come with me to drop off DT, and then we’ll head over to your venue and I’ll help you set up?” I offered. “It’s at Sugarcube Corner again, right? Like the birthday party last night?”

“Really? That’s super nice of you to offer! But I don’t think I’ll need much help setting up,” she said, the quibble appearing again.

I looked at her with concern and suspicion. Something was wrong. “Let’s get back to town before my daughter is late, then we’ll talk more.”

We actually got all the way to the schoolhouse and saw Diamond off to join her friends before finding a bench to sit on. “What’s the problem, Pinkie?”

She looked at me, then looked away, not ready to talk.

“Laughter. Report,” I ordered.

Reflexively she saluted me before looking at me with the firmness of a soldier and beginning. “Sir, Operation Gummy’s After-Birthday Party is off to a rocky start, sir! And I know rocks, having grown up on a rock farm,” she added, laughing a bit before depression crept into her voice. “I’ve invited everypony close to me, but even though everypony said the party was great, they’ve all got excuses why they can’t come today. Twilight had to study. Applejack had to pick apples. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy had to housesit for a bear…”

“Harry?” I inquired.

“You know him?” Pinkie asked.

“Of course, we’re neighbors. I actually live closer to him than Fluttershy does, though they’re closer personally. He’s pretty nice, at least to anyone Fluttershy has vouched for,” I said. “And Rarity’s in a rush to finish Nanaki’s suit and my dress for the Gala.” That much was true, but most of the others were busy setting up Pinkie’s birthday party. I was amazed Applejack managed to lie well enough to fool anypony, even with such an easy choice of excuse.

“Where is Nanaki, anyways?” Pinkie inquired. “I haven’t seen him at all?”

“Not sure. I haven’t seen him since we watched Rainbow Dash’s race together,” I said. “I’m sure he’ll turn up though. We’ll look for him later. In the meantime… you and I don’t spend that much time together, outside of training and missions. Why don’t we take this chance to fix that?”

“Wait… the one day everypony else is too busy, you’re suddenly free?” Pinkie asked suspiciously as she cast me a withering look. It was hard to meet her eye, but I did, and eventually she returned to her usual look and happily chanted “Okie dokie lokie!”

“WHO’S THERE?!?” Berry Punch demanded for the tenth time, looking all up and down the street but seeing no one. She slammed the door to her home and slumped against it from the inside. Ethereally Pinkie Pie and I got our laughs out before the summoning ended and we faded back into reality.

Pinkie moved to knock one more time, but I stopped her, shook my head, and led her away, down the street, out of hearing. “That was kind of funny, but any more and it’s just plain mean,” I told her.

“Besides, the joke was starting to get old,” John stated. “Though it was probably the funniest knock knock joke I’ve witnessed in ages.”

“Back home, they used to call it ‘ding dong ditch’,” I said. “Of course, part of that being that we would ring the doorbell instead of knocking. And we would physically flee out of sight rather than being able to use a conveniently invisible summon to hide. Still, it reminds me of my boyhood.”

“I remind you of your boyhood, do I?” Pinkie Pie asked, with an oddly seductive tone to her voice. It wasn’t long lasting though, as she shifted gears suddenly. “Let’s get lunch! My treat!”

I shrugged, and followed her to her workplace. “Sure but… I can’t eat nothing but sweets.”

“That’s okay! I invented something special just for you!” she said. She dove behind the counter as we entered the building. “Just a wait right there a few minutes, and have some scones.”

I helped myself to a few, enjoying the quality while pondering Pinkie’s behavior. I had generally taken to heart the widespread advice to not ponder Pinkie’s behavior, as a rule. But by now I knew her well enough to differentiate normal Pinkie Pie zaniness from… whatever was going on today.

Her initial depression was easily explained. The planned surprise party had led to her latest attempt at a party being rebuffed without an honest explanation. Of course it would get her down. Who knows what wild explanations she’d come up with in her head. Maybe she thought everypony suddenly hated her or something crazy like that.

None of which explained the bedroom eyes she’d given me a moment ago. The easiest explanation for that? I was too pent up from pursuing Nanaki with no relief, neither from my quarry nor my previously ongoing ‘friends with benefits’ relationship with Rainbow Dash. I probably was imagining it entirely. I blushed a bit, remembering that she and Nanaki had already had an intimate evening together themselves.

“Here you are. Fish cakes!” she announced, plopping a tray of steaming hot objects before me. “Dig in!”

I was cautious about them at first, but after a bite I was pleasantly surprised, and ate eagerly. The pink mare set a white cake with yellow frosting on the counter to my side, and dug into that as what was apparently her lunch while I ate the more hearty meal before me. “These are pretty good. Where’d you get the idea from?”

“Well, everypony likes cake, but you’re not a pony and you like fish, so I thought I’d make you fish cakes,” Pinkie cheerfully explained. I blinked a few times before realising I was thinking about it too hard. “I’m glad you like them! It was hard to be sure, since I don’t care for fish.”

“I’d be happy to have them again sometime. They might be better with the right sauce, but I’m not sure what would go with them,” I speculated, mostly just to make small talk.

“Oh? Maybe I’ll talk to Gilda about it. Griffons like fish, maybe she has a favorite sauce,” Pinkie suggested.

“Gilda… is she still holding a grudge against me?” I inquired.

“Heck yeah,” Pinkie said. “Holding grudges is something griffons are great at! But she’s friends with me now, and Rainbow Dash of course. Maybe I won’t tell her it’s for you. I wonder if she’s met Nanaki yet? OH! Were you thinking of adding her to your harem? Because that would be like super-duper-hard-mode hard. But I bet if we work together-”

I shook my head, but giggled. “No! No, nothing like that. Though maybe I should apologize to her at some point, and clear things up. Becoming friends might be a bit much to ask for, but as friends of friends we shouldn’t be enemies.”

“Good thinking. Oh! Maybe we should throw a Sorry-I-Punched-Your-Head-Into-The-Ground Party?” Pinkie offered. “What kind of decor would you use, broken pavement? It’ll be hard to make that look good, but I bet I could do it…”

I laughed a good minute before finally making it clear, “I really don’t think that’s a good idea. But maybe after I apologize, we can ask her if she wants a party with a more… tasteful theme.”

“Oh! Like rock candy! My sister and I make the best rock candy. I was just thinking of making the broken pavement decor out of rock candy,” Pinkie said.

“I didn’t realize you had a sister-”

“Three!”

“I should meet your family sometime,” I stated.

Pinkie gasped the kind of gasp she usually reserves for discovering a new pony had moved into town. It made me a bit nervous, as I wasn’t quite sure why it had happened. I looked over my shoulder, but there was nothing behind me that would explain the sudden inhalation. I easily recognized the few other ponies in the store as locals that had been here far longer than I had, even if I couldn’t recall their names off hand.

“Anyways… lunch was good, but shouldn’t we start getting ready for the party? Maybe head up to your flat, make sure we have all the supplies we need, check on Gummy,” I suggested. I felt a little bad at the prospect of making her work to setup a party that wouldn’t happen, but I doubted any such effort would ultimately go to waste. She’d gotten her Cutie Mark in parties after all, she was bound to throw another one within the week.

“My place? So soon?” she asked, clopping her forehooves together a few times. “Okie dokie lokie!” She began hopping in her distinctive fashion as she led the way up the stairs to the space she rented from the Cakes.

When we entered, I spotted a small monitor in a bulky case atop a wheeled cabinet. Some kind of computer was attached to it, with a disc tray extended. I spotted a white disc inside, with black lettering I couldn’t read from that distance. A piece of it seemed to be replaced with a piece of another disc, that one dark with a stylized 4 visible. I couldn’t imagine it would work, gluing pieces of two discs together, but I was also quite surprised to see any sort of technology like that in Ponyville to begin with.

“Don’t mind the mess,” she said hurriedly, as she kicked the whole setup into the closet and hastily shut the door.

“What was that?” I asked.

“Nothing!” she said before somewhat less unbelievably excusing, “Just something I borrowed from Button Mash!”

Whatever it was, I didn’t have reason enough to hound the poor mare over it, so I let it go. It didn’t look like a Shinra design in the slightest, so it must be something some pony had made. While Equestria’s technology generally wasn’t all that impressive, the occasional pony with a technical cutie mark could make things well beyond what you would expect.

I glanced over at the calendar… Gummy’s birthday was well highlighted, though crossed off as it was yesterday and now in the past. But her own birthday wasn’t even mentioned on her own calendar. I would suspect we had the wrong date for it ourselves, except that Twilight had recorded all of our birthdates when she was testing the Sense materia, including my own birthdate in local time. Pinkie had been quite upset for several hours when she learned we had missed it before we had that particular materia at our disposal.

That done I moved on to checking on Gummy, lightly petting the toothless alligator as he pointedly ignored me. I always wondered about all the feelings and opinions Pinkie ascribed to her pet. He was the least interactive pet I had met that wasn’t literally a pet rock. Either the mare had some unfathomable insight into her pets’ psychology, or she was just making things up; neither possibility was easily dismissed. “Gummy seems to be in good spirits. If we’re having a smaller party this time, we could just set up in here.”

“Oh? So kind of a… ‘private party’?” she inquired. “I wasn’t quite sure if that’s what you were going for, but… I’m down. In fact… there’s no reason we can’t get started now, is there?”

“A private party?” I asked. I was sure I’d heard that term somewhere. Rainbow had mentioned them, maybe? I didn’t recall the context.

“I usually only throw them for stallions, but I’m happy to make an exception for you,” Pinkie stated, causing me to blush as I guessed what she had in mind. “Be right back! Why don’t you make yourself comfortable on the bed?”

I looked around when she disappeared back downstairs. There wasn’t much to sit on in the room aside from the bed, so I sat chastely upon it, watching for her return while my mind whirled. Assuming I wasn’t just going out of my mind with crazy assumptions, should I take her up on the offer?

I was trying to get things going with Nanaki, and it felt like it would be hypocritical, at best. On the other hand, it would be hypocritical of him to make a fuss about it, since he had slept with the party mare himself not long ago. And what about Rainbow Dash? What about Rainbow Dash?

“Here you go!” Pinkie said, surprising me out of my reverie. She was hoofing me a cracker loaded with a creamy cheese of some kind. As I ate it, I perused the tray on her lap as she now sat beside me on the bed. It was covered in hors d'oeuvres and sweets, things quite common to her parties, though the quantities were more manageable, suitable for two. The only thing that really stood out as odd was the containers of chocolate sauce and whipped cream. If there was bowls of ice cream, or something else suited to put them on, I wouldn’t wonder. With Pinkie, I hadn’t ruled out that she intended to put them on her crackers, but my mind was considering more intimate possibilities.

I slipped my left arm around her, mostly out of geometric necessity, as I reached over to deftly assemble a little cracker and cheese sandwich and lightly popped it into her mouth. “Thanks, Pinkie. These are quite tasty.” I hadn’t really decided what to do, which left me on a dangerous sort of social auto-pilot, exactly the sort of thing that had gotten me in too deep with Rainbow Dash more than once. But Pinkie’s oddness unbalanced the whole thing. I didn’t want to call her out on my assumptions, in case everything really was innocent, and she hadn’t actually done anything that wasn’t a double entendre at best.

She giggled as she downed the food. “Of course! Good food is the foundation of a good party! Well, second to good friends in attendance. And you’re clearly the best friend… at least at this party.” The thought saddened her a bit, and her mane seemed to somehow deflate, losing a bit of its curl. “Cloud… why doesn’t anypony want to be with me today?”

“I’m here,” I pointed out. “Everypony else is busy. They have other responsibilities, and… frankly, two parties for one alligator’s birthday is a bit much. Everypony loves you, and your parties, but they don’t have time to party every day.”

“So… they’re not mad at me and don’t want to be my friends anymore?” Pinkie asked, almost pleadingly.

“Of course not. Why would you even think that?” I asked.

“Well, the only reason I could think of… did everypony know you were coming to spend time with me today?” Pinkie asked.

I wasn’t sure I could explain it without letting loose the secret of the party, but I wasn’t fond of lying either… especially when so much dishonesty today had made her on edge and suspicious. “Yes, they did,” I admitted.

“I knew it!” she declared, before tossing the tray to the floor and lunging at me, pinning me to the bed with a surprise hug and a forceful kiss. By the time I recovered mentally enough that I could fight back, I was distracted by the surprisingly sugary taste of her tongue against mine, the strength and passion of her hug, and the soft feel of not only her pink fur but also the layer of fat beneath that gave her a squish Rainbow Dash simply didn’t have.

“Knew what?” I asked, when I finally gathered the will to break off the makeout session.

“Well, when everypony made excuses to avoid me today, except you, I knew they had to be up to something. And since you were freakishly available, and extra super chummy and sweet, and not too subtly paved the way to get me alone in the bedroom, I knew it just had to be that you wanted me! Like, wanted me wanted me. Does Nanaki know? Are you two going for the full harem ending together now? Or is this like your pre-awesome-date-bachelorette-party to get one more mare in before you settle down with your special some-human?” the mare rattled off rapidly.

“It’s not like that… exactly,” I protested. Though at this point I was pretty worked up myself, and from dating Dash I knew ponies could easily catch the scent even through my clothes. I didn’t know if Pinkie would recognize it for what it was, though, as it was different enough from a mare’s arousal. “We, umm… we’re supposed to meet up with Nanaki and Applejack at Sweet Apple Acres a little later.”

“At 3?” she guessed, before grabbing the whipped cream off the tray Gummy was starting to empty of food. “We still have time for some more fun.” Without waiting for a response, she leaned back and deployed a thick patch of the white foam between her legs. “Come on, you know you want a taste of Pinkie cream pie.”

Dash’s rainbow contrail faded from view as she stopped in the middle of the room, arriving just in time to catch that final line. We traded looks and then both couldn’t help but break down laughing.

Pinkie looked back and forth between us, her mane slowly deflating until it was entirely straight, her ears drooped. “This… was all a prank? You got me…”

“No! No, nothing like that. Listen… why don’t you take a cold shower, then come with us. I’m sorry you misunderstood the situation, and I let things get out of hand,” I apologized. “You’re an incredibly sweet mare, but I’m not looking for anything like that right now.”

“And if she was, she’s got me,” Rainbow said proudly.

I rolled my eyes, deciding not to fight that too hard. “I am looking to have a good time with my friend Pinkie Pie today. Now get cleaned up and come on.”

She was still looking a bit depressed when we approached the barn, up until the moment our friends popped out to yell surprise, filling the room with confetti and balloons and revealing the birthday cake and presents.

“Oh, how could I have forgotten my own birthday!?” Pinkie exclaimed, grabbing everyone and pulling us all into a big group hug as her mane reinflated to its usual poofiness.

As the party got started, I was convinced everything was going smoothly… right up until Nanaki slipped up next to me, gave me one of his trademark smirks and commented. “You know, getting her to shower before coming was a good idea. But you and she missed a spot; she still had a bit of whipped cream on her ‘birthday suit’.” He left me blushing hard as he gave me a wink before heading back into the mix.

Author's Notes:

Here's what Pinkie had in her drive. Make of it what you will.