The train ride toward the capital was tense. And for me, nostalgic. It seemed like a lifetime ago that I had been riding trains in and around Midgar, delivering bombs to Mako power plants, and fighting Shinra security forces. Equestria’s trains were a lot more pleasant to look at, but quite a bit slower. And with a greater distance to travel, that gave more time for my companions to get nervous.

Fluttershy handled it by sitting at the window, hidden by her cloak, watching the terrain pass by, hugging her rifle. Twilight handled it by pacing while lecturing the air about Canterlot and historical battles in and around the city. Rainbow Dash handled it by sleeping. Rarity handled it by compulsively sewing an ever expanding circle of cloth. Pinkie Pie handled it by updating her shipping grid.

And Applejack sat me down to talk about my personal life. “So you’re honestly not peeved at her?”

“I’m not happy about it, I’ll admit,” I answered. “Especially since she admitted to having planned it from the night Blueblood and I first met. But honestly, I hope they’re happy together, and I’m willing to pressure Celestia if need be to let them be. Not to be mean about it, but I’m ready to be done with dating ponies. Even if that means being alone.”

“Don’t say that. I’m sure you’ll find your special somepony- or somethin’- sooner or later,” she assured.

“I’ve got a whole grid of ‘em right here,” Pinkie Pie offered, showing me her hand-drawn chart matching a bunch of yellow chickens up with various pony heads and other objects. If not for the amazing color diversity of ponykind I wouldn’t have had a hope of even guessing who was supposed to be represented.

“What’s this box down here with the six little ants?” I asked.

“Oh, that’s a hard one, but a fun one. That’s the medium difficulty harem ending!” Pinkie said.

I considered it a moment, then noticed the ants were colored to match the other Element Bearers and Twilight. And then noticed the next box had eight ants, adding in a white one and a dark blue one, each with what must have been a horn and wings.

“I guess that one must be the hard harem ending? Somehow I don’t think any of those are really possible,” I said.

“You never know unless you try,~” she said.

I turned to Applejack to get my mind off Pinkie’s antics, but that only left us meeting eyes and seemingly both realizing each other’s relevance to what Pinkie was insinuating, as we promptly began blushing and then looked out the window in unison.

We let the miles pass by in quiet until the city came into view in the distance. The train began to slowly decelerate, planning to stop a good mile or more before our target, well before the actual train station. We could already see the pennants fluttering atop the tents of the siege party surrounding the base of the mountain, where Canterlot stood.

“Alright, ponies, listen up. We’re disembarking soon, to head into a very dangerous situation. The yaks have already destroyed several guard posts on their way here, and they have the capital under siege. We need to be prepared to fight, to the death if necessary. If the yaks try to retreat, we let them, but follow to ensure they keep going, all the way home. If they’re disabled or unconscious, move on. Keep together as a group, cover each other, and be prepared to fall back if we need to. Our armor will help but it doesn’t make us invincible, and I don’t want to lose any of you out there today,” I said.

“He needs all of us for the harem ending,” Pinkie stage-whispered.

“Hush now,” Applejack said back, annoyed.

“The what now?” Rainbow Dash asked, sounding far too interested.

“Ladies, focus,” I said. “Twilight, what can you tell us about what we’ll be facing?”

Twilight came front and center and lit her horn as she began projecting some illustrations for us. “Right. Yaks hail from Yakyakistan, in the frozen north. They’re well adapted to the cold, less so to the heat. They’re large, physically more powerful than most earth ponies, and can be incredibly destructive. They are also known for their tempers, going into berserker frenzies when things aren’t to their liking.

“One thing that makes them particularly dangerous is their war paint, which taps into their innate magic to give them a sort of antimagic bubble. This renders direct horn blasts and telekinesis useless against them, even basic techniques like your needlework, Rarity. Your grip on the needles would need to stay outside the range of the effect or you would lose control and drop them. That radius is invisible, and various based on the power of the individual yak involved, but typically ranges from one to three hooves from their fur,” Twilight explained.

“Well, I have my two large needles, they’re two hooves long, so if I keep the grip to the end they should be able to work against some of them,” Rarity said.

“Fluttershy, your sniper rifle will be key in this engagement. Especially for removing yaks from the battlefield alive,” I said.

“About that,” Twilight said. “Yaks have different physiology than ponies, so they aren’t as susceptible to the same kinds of drugs, and they have much greater body mass, on average, anyways. In addition to the much thicker fur that may prevent your darts from penetrating to the body within. You may have some difficulty taking them down with your darts, especially if they’re already in a frenzy.”

“What is effective against them?” I asked.

“Well… the natural magic that grants earth ponies their strength doesn’t seem to be effected, so hopefully that means your Mako boost will remain effective. We don’t know whether their power will protect them against materia, and summons in particular, so those are worth a try. And, well. Sharp and blunt objects…” Twilight pointed at my sword and Applejack’s steel boots respectively.

“What about my lightning bolts?” Rainbow Dash inquired.

“The magic would fizzle out before it reached them, but it might be possible to channel the energy through metal the last leg of the journey, similar to how you two killed the dragon,” Twilight suggested. “Either with your sword, or Rarity’s long needles. The war paint negates the bulk of what the princesses and the guard would normally use to fight enemies effectively, which is why they need the help of specialists like you girls to break the siege.”

“What about their offensive capabilities?” I inquired. “Do they have magic of their own? Or what?”

“Yaks rely primarily on brute strength, but they do have crossbows and trebuchets to strike at a distance. The trebuchets are more of a problem for the city, but luckily they aren’t able to protect the rocks from magic. Teams of unicorns can catch the boulders they launch from mid air and arrest their motion, preventing them from hitting the walls or even worse. However, that’s exhausting work for the unicorns, and the yaks can fashion more trebuchets as the siege continues,” Twilight explained. “The breaking point is coming where the rocks start getting through. And one the rocks start breaching the walls, the yaks can get into the city proper.”

“Alright then. We know what we’re up against. And we know the stakes. The mission objective is to end the siege, with all yak forces either in retreat or disabled, one way or another. Killing the yaks is not an objective, but do not hold back against active targets. This is a war, one they declared, but we are going to win it. Understood?” Everypony nodded solemnly at me. “I wish you never had to experience something like this. I really do. If I could do it all alone to spare you, I would. But we as a group are going to handle this to spare the rest of Equestria. Everypony ready?”

When the train stopped, we got out and started to rush toward the enemy. Twilight stayed behind, guarding the train and its staff while I took point, running forward with sword already in hand, Applejack at my left flank and Rarity at my right. Pinkie trailed behind, completing the diamond formation, while a cloud with a rainbow contrail sped along above us.

While the cloud wasn’t enough to stop a crossbow bolt or stop the enemy from realizing there was a pegasus or two present, it at least kept them from aiming precisely. Beyond that, it allowed Fluttershy to sit weapon set in position to fire, cloak keeping the danger from being too obvious, while Rainbow Dash moved her into range.

We passed the train stations, heading into the small town that serviced it at the base of the mountain. Or rather, the ruins of the town. Blood and a bit of gore spattered the remains of the buildings, splintered wood and shattered stone everywhere, but thankfully no outright bodies. Ponies had definitely been injured, but they might have at least all evacuated alive. Or maybe the dead were just buried in rubble. Either would serve to spare my friends the reality of war for a little while longer, at least.

Even still, the destruction was obviously starting to undermine their morale until a trio of yaks came out from behind the remains of a wall. Blue paint covered much of their fur in intricate patterns, glowing dimly as the beasts charged toward us. “Yaks smash!” the leader said, compromising my ability to ignore the fact that these were, in some sense, people.

But I was a soldier. As the leader charged us, my mind went to a dark, familiar place. The enemy’s body stopped being a person or even a living thing to my mind. It became a puzzle, an optimization challenge. How do I maximize the damage my sword deals while minimizing the damage this hazard deals to me and my friends? The arc of its leap toward me allowed me to brace myself, blade pointed to where its throat would soon be, when it was too late for it to maneuver much to avoid its fate. The challenge dynamically altered, as the yak brought up a forelimb to try to deflect my blade, armored bracers making the proposition more likely, but that was simple enough to solve, lowering my blade out of the path of its leg before lifting it up under and adjusting my bracing. It resulted in a lethal injury rather than an instant kill, and a bit harder and slower effort to pull my blade free, as it had buried itself in the collarbone rather than simply the flesh of the neck.

The yak to my left was knocked off from his own charge by a steel-clad double-buck, while the one to my right wavered in his approach as a pair of needles thrust for his eyes, his instincts forcing him into a defensive backpedal until a dart appeared in his neck. A second dart joined it before he finally staggered and collapsed, even as my own boot smashed into the other yak’s head, driving him from consciousness before he could stand.

“Don’t stop,” I ordered, using the momentum from my maneuver to start back into a run, as the others galloped to keep up with me.

“This isn’t how it’s supposed to be,” Pinkie said, as we got out of the ruins, heading across the open plains toward the edge of the enemy encampment.

“War never is,” I agreed. But she just frowned at me. I was sure there was more on her mind, but there wasn’t time for it. The next squad of yaks was approaching, and it was time to open up the fight with her cannon.

The unicorns barely managed to stop the stone, arresting its motion only partially before the magic surrounding it faltered and it fell, breaking through a layer of stones on the outside of the city walls near the gate before rolling away down the hill. It was the first stone to make that far, and a sign of the beginning of the end. Both sides knew it. The defenders were too exhausted to keep it up, and the unfeeling machines doing the actual hurling were still quite intact. The crews managing the machines began pulling them back into loading position with a renewed vigor.

A massive translucent bubble sudden winked into existence around the entire city. A magical shield on a scale I had never seen, offering a new layer of protection. But how long could such a massive shield be maintained? We pushed to reach the trebuchets quickly and put an end to their threat.

The nearest one was on the outskirts of the encampment, making it difficult to reach from Canterlot, but fairly easy for us to approach. The rear guard defending it opened fire on the cloud Fluttershy was on with a volley of crossbow bolts as we approached. Rainbow Dash shoved the cloud out of the way, but one of the quarrels pierced her own wing, and with a cry of pain she descended, her good wing helping her drop to the ground in a downward spiral.

One of the yaks fell shortly thereafter with a scream, clutching her eye, where the dart had struck her. The crossbow she had been using clattered to the ground, along with several others as the other guards charged toward Rainbow Dash.

A boom roared out, drawing their attention to Pinkie Pie, and to the ball of paper mache flying toward the trebuchet, trailing a plume of pink smoke. As it struck the arm, it exploded in a colorful rush of flames and sparks, igniting the siege engine. Two yaks moved to try to put the flames out, but the were driven back by Rarity’s needles harassing them.

I slammed into one of the yaks from the side, blade first, my sword cutting into his forelimb and causing him to stagger and fall to the ground. Unfortunately, he wrested my sword from my grasp in the process, leaving me to switch to my fists, laying into him with all the force my Mako-fueled body could muster.

The fight was interrupted, though, as we were pulled into the ether, just in time to save Rainbow Dash from a savage stomping. In our place, the swarm descended, devouring everything and every-yak with reckless abandon. Some of them caught fire as they attempted to eat the trebuchet, or perhaps were trying to eat the fire itself; they ultimately served to spread the fire even further, collapsing the machine into a pile of flaming wood and ropes, and igniting one of the yaks.

When we faded back into reality from the ether, Fluttershy wrapped Rainbow Dash in a painful hug, putting more pressure on the mare’s wing than she was ready for with her injury. “Ow! Hey, I’m alright Flutters. Honest,” Dash insisted. Fluttershy whispered something back that earned a hug in response.

I looked them over for a moment, and looked at our situation. The yaks in our immediate area were all incapacitated, and those closest to the edge of the summons’ impact were mostly faltering, their will to fight shattered by the ferocity of the devouring swarm. But those beyond, those who hadn’t witnessed the gore themselves but saw that they were under attack, they were marshalling in large numbers to come for us.

Fluttershy wasn’t ready for this. And Dash was too hurt. “Kindness: get Loyalty on a cloud and push her out of here. Quickly! The rest of us, let’s get behind that building for cover.”

“What? But I!” Rainbow began before I silenced her with a look. Soon the pegasi were speeding away, keeping out of range of the yak’s crossbow bolts, while the rest of us got out of sight.

“What now, darling?” Rarity inquired as soon as we were out of view.

“Maneuver K-14,” I said. “There’s our target.” I pointed out a building a good quarter mile away, near the next trebuchet.

“‘Travelling music?’ Alright… why don’t you let me do the summoning then. My Rapid Attack materia doesn’t deplete my magic,” Rarity volunteered.

With a quick swap, she had John’s Summon materia slotted into place and cast the first summon. “Nothing to see here. Move along,” said John de Lancie’s disembodied voice. It then broke out into a whistled tune as we rushed through the ether. One of the trebuchet boulders, hurled by a team of yaks, slammed into the building we had hidden behind, wrecking our cover and revealing our absence. Meanwhile we rushed ahead, fading back into existence briefly behind another building before summoning him once again. This time his voice left the cover of our building in the opposite direction, confusing the yaks even further as they tried to find the hidden source of the whistling. It drove them into a maddened frenzy, further destroying the terrain and their own tents, but making it no easier for them to reason out a solution.

As we disappeared for a third time, making a much shorter jaunt this time, John did his best to emulate the yaks’ voices, accent and dialect, giving several groups of soldiers orders to send them after various imaginary targets, some of them falling for the trick, while others simply got mad at the imperfections in his ruse, leaving them lashing out without direction until their true superiors could reestablish discipline.

Pinkie used that distraction to begin lining up her shot, when I stopped her. “Does that yak look different to you?” I asked.

“Well sure, every yak is a unique individual, just like ponies and humans,” she began. Seeing I wasn’t amused she relented. “Yes, that one looks like he might be their leader.”

“The rings on his horns look a bit like crowns. Do you think he’s their prince?” Rarity inquired.

“I think we’re about to find out,” I said. “Got the power for two more summons, Generosity?”

“Where ponies?! Where skinny minotaur?! Yaks smash!” the prince bellowed in frustration. To be fair, he was handling his frustration more calmly than his peers. But all that was about to come to an end.

My sword faded into reality just inches from his throat, a gap that vanished as I pressed it threateningly into position. Behind him Applejack lightly tapped his family jewels with a hind hoof to show where her aim was before lowering it, bracing in preparation for a full double-buck. Rarity’s needles each filled the view of one of his eyes, while Pinkie Pie’s cannon aimed up at his chest, threatening to unload into his underbelly point blank.

“Right here… your majesty, is it? This ends now. Surrender or die,” I said.

“That… threat is perfect,” he said with a nervous grin and a slight nod to one of the nearby yaks. “Don’t you agree?”

The weird behavior had me on edge, and I drew a bit of blood pressing the blade into his throat even as I shifted my stance to be able to quickly apply more pressure and remove his head on a moment’s notice. But instead, the other yaks backed down, agreeing that our threat was exactly right. They began to reorganize into rank and file, leaving the trebuchets and the siege at the wall behind, even as the bubble around the city flickered and vanished.

“You’re going to negotiate peace terms with Princesses Celestia and Luna,” I said. “But this one is non-negotiable. The rest of you yaks are going home. Now. If you injure one more pony or knock down one more wall, you won’t be getting your… Prince, is it? Back.”

“Yes. I am Prince Rutherford of Yakyakistan. Your Princesses leave sun in sky for three days! Our day cycle was not perfect! When things no perfect, yaks get mad!” he explained.

“So?” I questioned.

“So… yaks smash?”

“So Cloud Strife slash,” I rhymed back, digging the blade in a bit more.

“So yaks go home,” he offered as his people moved to do so.

“Except for you,” I agreed.