How could this happen? Starlight paced around the room. One! One minuscule suggestion about taking over Equestria and this is the what I get in return? Now, I understand that it's the practical way to do things, and it's sweet in a school-crush sort of way, but Scootaloo could have at least waited for next month!

On the desk, the voice crystal kept glowing, an ominous silence emanating from it. The temptation to splutter an apology and leave Spike or Twilight to deal with the matter was incredibly tempting.

"You’re sure about this?" Starlight asked. "Maybe she said 'this winter wrap up' instead? Maybe you misheard?"

"No, I'm pretty sure she said this weekend," Silver Spoon replied, crushing any hope Starlight had. "Right after lunch. She was quite insistent on the time."

Damnit! "Can't things be simple for once?" Starlight groaned. I really could use some ice cream right now. Alas, as much as she craved it, there was this nagging voice whispering that she must pay attention to her figure if she wanted to look her best in the dress Rarity made her. "How did everything get so bad?"

"Well, apparently, Scoots has a coltfriend," Silver Spoon started explaining. "She told us this morning. He's some Cloudsdale pegasus whose parents have extremely conservative views. So, in order to be together, Scootaloo decided to take over Equestria and impose absolute tribe equality."

Wow, filly, you impress me. If only your timing wasn't so bad. Starlight paused for a moment. Having a flightless pegasus rule definitely would bring interesting times. In the long run, maybe it would better for everypony if she—

No! starlight grabbed her head with both forehooves. There was no telling what mess would come of this—at the very least another Luna lecture. Not to mention how disappointed Twilight would be.

"Miss Starlight?" Silver Spoon's voice came from the crystal.

I knew I should have told Luna about their problem! Starlight slammed her hoof on the desk. The Princess of the Night was known for being understanding. Plus, she had probably dealt with more than one filly's nightmare. She would have definitely agreed to link Scootaloo and Chip Mint's dreams and this whole mess could have been averted.

"Miss Starlight?" Silver Spoon asked again.

"Sorry, I was just wondering what sort of twisted insanity gave Scootaloo the idea." No way I'm letting anypony know it's me.

"Well, I'll tell you her coltfriend was no help," the filly humphed. "He practically agreed with every word she said! I told Diamond Tiara and Sweetie Belle about it, but they're too busy not speaking to each other to listen."

"Huh?" What does that have to do with anything?

"And as you've correctly guessed, that's the reason I phoned you," Silver Spoon went on, causing Starlight to stare at the voice crystal, ears flopped. "After Scootaloo's announcement, she made a case for conquering Equestria. Apple Bloom agreed instantly. Sweetie Belle was hesitant, but Scootaloo reminded her that Button Mash was an earth pony, and as such would never be allowed to be with her, so Belle agreed to join in and also convinced Dinky to do the same. Diamond Tiara, on the other hoof, along with Shady Daze, the mayor's son, formed an opposition."

Starlight's head wobbled as she tried to keep up with all the names and events. There were so many facts she felt like she was in the middle of a soap novel. Alliances, inter-pony relations, debts and favours... From what she could make out there were two main factions: Scootaloo's and Diamond Tiara's. Neither was willing to compromise, but didn't want to harm the other side either. Apparently they had imposed a non-talking agreement, limiting all conversations to school and parties. The system was as complicated as it was absurd, making Starlight slightly envious that she hadn't thought of it herself.

The explanation continued for twenty minutes. Every now and again, Starlight would break Silver Spoon's flow with a question or other, only to have the filly explain it to the last detail. No doubt about it, if there was one who could manage to run Equestria that would be precisely her.

Thank the stars she wants to pursue a career in steampunk fashion design. Starlight sighed, relieved. Equestria's not ready for Silver Spoon's rule.

"And then there's Snips and Snails, who have formed an autonomous entity," Silver kept talking. "Yet they've also promised me, Apple Bloom, and Diamond Tiara their full support. Frankly, I don't think they understand the concept of political negotiation and alliance building."

"That's all very well, Silver Spoon, but why did you call me again?" Things are so complicated Twilight would need days to untangle the mess. Not to mention that... Oooh! A smile formed on her face. Silly me. "Of course, I'll be glad to perform a mass memory erase spell. There's actually this new method I want to try out and—"

"Sorry, Miss, but I'd prefer if you didn't."

Starlight stared at the voice crystal, her mouth half open. Her forehooves moved about, trying to point out something as if the filly were there.

"It's not that I don't appreciate your effort, or doubt your skill," Silver Spoon went on. "It's just that I prefer my friends to be... friends again. If you erase their memories things will be better for a week or two, maybe a month, but then the same thing will repeat over and over."

Wow. Starlight closed her mouth. Put in my place by a schoolfilly. And I thought I was the best in handling the hotline. I'm no better than I was in my village.

"What I was calling for was advice." A moment's silence followed, then the sound of porcelain clinking. By all accounts Silver Spoon was having a cup of tea, or cocoa, or something. "I know this is probably too much. Things have been said that are difficult to be taken back. I feel they still want to be friends, but their pride won't let them. Very much like the argument I had with Diamond Tiara a while back."

Oh, Silver. Why couldn't I be more like you when I was young?

"They trust you a lot, Miss Starlight," Silver Spoon said, sending shivers down Starlight's spine. They what? The unicorn bent over the voice crystal. "All of them. I trust you. Princess Twilight has helped Ponyville dozens of times, she has saved Equestria no less than seven, but..." There was a soft sigh. "She's a princess now. Ponies feel closer when talking to you."

"Wow, that's..." I must keep it together. These are just fillies. No big deal. It's not like Ponyville thinks I'm anything special. Just Twilight's student. "I'm flattered that you think so highly of me, but stopping a war... without using spells. That's—"

"Difficult, I know, but you're the only one I have faith that could do it... Also I don't want our parents and Cheerilee to find out." A sipping sound followed.

So. I'm to stop an invasion and the conquest of Equestria, all at the same time? There was no way she could agree to something like that. It was ludicrous, utterly impossible, not to mention the pressure she would be subjecting herself to was enough to crush a cider barrel.

"Well, don't worry about a thing." I really should stop lying like this. "I have a few other engagements today, but I'll give this my full attention, and am sure that—"

"Yo, Starlight!" The door behind the unicorn swung open. Instinctively she straightened up, surrounding herself with a magic barrier. "Just came to tell you that I finished early, so can take my shift if you need a break."

I'm going to transform you into an anvil, Spike! She tried to relax her heart. It remained a mystery how Twilight put up with that—Spike hardly ever knocked, and when he did it was seconds before entering. And then I'm going to teleport that anvil to the bottom of the ocean! Starlight turned around, eyes full of unadulterated rage. The dragon just stood there smiling, a tray of muffins in his hands.

Starlight looked at Spike, then at the muffins. The faint aroma of lemony goodness tickled her nostrils. Then again, you do cook well. Twilight's attempts are a disaster. Maybe I should talk with her to put an indicator when someone's talking to a caller. That way it will be clear when it's okay for somepony to enter.

"Thank you, Spike," Starlight said through her teeth. She still levitated a muffin from the tray, however. "I much appreciate it, but I'm in the middle of something at the moment."

"Hello, Spike," Silver Spoon greeted from the voice crystal.

"Hey, Silvie! How's it going?" Oblivious, the dragon marched to the desk, put the tray down and glanced about for a chair. Not finding anything that suited his needs he sat on the edge of the desk instead.

"DT still is semi-not-talking to me, and Sweetie Belle asked that I return half the steampunk comics she lent me."

"Oh, about that." Spike grabbed a muffin from the air, completely ignoring Starlight's deathly glares. "Sweetie told me you could keep all but one—"

"Of course she did," Silver Spoon snorted. Starlight could almost hear the filly roll her eyes.

"—if you share how it went with Sound Bite," the dragon finished.

"Did she?" Oooh, there's real anger here. Starlight moved closed to the voice crystal, taking a new muffin, this time teleporting it beyond the dragon's reach. "Well, you tell her that I'll give back her comics. Plus nothing happened between me and Sound. He just looked a bit lost and I decided to show him what is what, while somepony was playing political strategist with all the rest!"

"Sound Bite?" Starlight asked in whisper, covering the side of her muzzle with a hoof.

"Vinyl's kid," Spike whispered back to which Starlight gave an understanding nod.

"Also, I'm still waiting for my controller! She better bring it when she comes to play Hoof Hoof Dancing this afternoon," Silver Spoon went on, indignation in her every word. "Oh, and please tell her to get Button Mash to relax. I know it's weird being the only colt, but it's not like we fall in gaming stereotypes. Plus, Sound will be joining in so they can chat if they don't feel like playing."

"Will do, Silvie." Spike shoved another muffin in his mouth.

"Okay. See you, then. Goodbye, Miss Starlight. And thank you."

"Goodbye, Silver Spoon," Starlight said amid nibbles, then tapped on the crystal turning it off. "You know what, Spike?" She took another bite, swallowed it, then sighed deeply. "Filly friendship problems are serious stuff."

"M-huh." The dragon nodded, chewing.

"Looking at things now, maybe I was lucky not to have gone to the SGU. Poor Sunburst." Oops! I completely forgot to write him a letter. Though maybe now that Twilight is with Shifty, there's nothing for me to worry... She paused a moment, looking at the ceiling. Other than a changeling invasion and a filly trying to conquer Equestria. Hmm. Yep, I better write that letter and mail it express.

"Tell me about it." Spike winced in horror. "I've been helping Diamond Tiara, Sweetie Belle, and Silver Spoon not talk to each other all morning while they get ready for their gaming party this afternoon."

Wait, what?! "Riiiight." No. No way I'm asking. My head hurts as it is! "So, how did it go with Rarity?"

"Well." Spike stopped eating, looked left and right, regardless that there clearly wasn't anyone else there, then moved slightly closer to Starlight. "I think I'm making huge progress. If I keep this up we might go on a date in a few weeks."

"You don't say?" Starlight narrowed her eyes. You're getting nowhere, are you?

"I know, right? I'm a bit scared I might be going a bit too fast. Like, maybe I should slow things down a bit?"

Starlight could only shake her head with a chuckle. Oh, Spike. "Don't worry about a thing, big guy." She patted him on the head. "I'm sure Rarity will manage to keep up." You really are oblivious about things, aren't you? "Just—"

The crystal started flickering again. Both Spike and Starlight looked at each other. Seconds passed with no one taking any action. Finally, Starlight tapped the crystal with her hoof.

"Umm, hello?" a familiar voice said before either of them could recite the standard hotline greeting. "Umm, it's me, Toffee, again. I think I have a serious problem."

"All yours, Spike," Starlight whispered in his ear, then teleported out of the room before he could voice a protest. Spa pampering, here I come!