I’ve screwed up before. I think everypony has, at one point in their life. Mind you, my mistakes were more epic, but I’ve still made some bad choices. But they are dust in the wind compared to my sin.

Sin. It’s an odd word. An old word. I learned it from Twilight, actually. You see, ponies don’t use that word anymore. It means something different, something that predates modern Equestria. It goes back in time, when wizards like Starswirl still walked the earth and magic was old and primal.

Sin is a transgression, an act that violates magic and natural law. It doesn’t mean the same thing as a crime. You can punch a filly and not commit a sin. But eating somepony…

That is sin. And worse still was that I enjoyed it.

…I’ve heard of ponies eating other ponies to survive. There’s this famous case where a flight group crash-landed on a mountain and had to eat each other to survive, but—that’s different. When ponies have to survive you can sort of excuse a lot of things. But it’s different to eat somepony because you wanted to hurt them.

And it’s even worse to enjoy it.

The memory haunted me as I fled from the scene of my crime. Eaten. Yes, I had eaten flesh. I had torn skin, crunched bone. And I had loved every moment of it. What had happened?

I had been alive, filled with a ravenous hunger. And I don’t mean that I was physically alive, I mean I felt alive for the first time since I had died. It was like hitting the Sonic Deathboom, almost identical to that feeling in fact. Hunger had gnawed at my stomach and I had wanted to eat, to eat and keep eating.

I nearly went after Fluttershy. Even as a spirit I wanted to retch and tear my head off rather than think of it. I had nearly tried to eat her as well. It had been close, so close.

What the hell have I become?

I had no answer. None at all. All I could do was torment myself with memory as events unfolded in the real world. I watched, and saw the ripples of my madness spread.

Madness.

What else could you call it? The newspapers in every city called it a lot of things, actually. Carnage, a slaughter beyond all comprehension, the most vile act in Equestria’s history…they had a field day interviewing him in the hospital.

Yes, him. He could barely talk and had to be constantly propped up on life-support magic, but he lived long enough to condemn me to the world. Even after all I had done to him, he had lived.

In a sense.

I ate him. I ate parts of him. And all of Celestia’s doctors and all of her unicorns couldn’t put him back together again. But what remained was still alive. And it remained alive, against all odds out of what I can only call sheer hatred.

Two days. After ten hours of surgery they managed to stabilize him enough for him to not be in danger of dying at every moment. And while I’m sure the doctors would have loved to put him to sleep, he insisted on talking to every reporter and journalist he could meet. And what he told them was the truth.

As he saw it, of course. So it was a twisted and terrible truth he lied about. His description of his attack on Rarity—filth. But as for the rest? When he talked of me, and what I did to him, I can only say it was true.

Madness. Spreading.

The news story was published in every newspaper and spread to every corner of Equestria like wildfire, of course. The tale was too dramatic, the tragedy too great. And the horror of one of the former Elements of Harmony eating a pony…if I were a journalist like that Buried Lede guy, I would be over the moon with excitement.

…Or not. Maybe it hurt to publish a tale like that. I guess in another world, folks might be quicker to rejoice in other’s misfortune, but hey, ponies in Equestria are decent folks. And I can’t say it would be fun to tell a story like that. Maybe that explains why most of the newspapers didn’t mention all of the gory details.

Still, they captured enough. The story of my vengeful attack on a leading member of Manehatten society hit Equestria like Cheese Sandwich’s party cannon. Downplayed in it was his attack on Rarity, as well as how I’d destroyed the entire force of Wonderbolts and Royal Guards by myself. I think Twilight and Celestia leaned on the newspapers to get them to omit those bits, but it was probably for the best.

The important facts remained.

And after it was published, after he saw the headlines condemning me and making me out to be the monster he had always thought of me as, that other monster, that worthless pony finally let go. He passed away in his hospital bed cursing my name, and they buried him deep in a closed casket. But of course, his death was only the backdrop of the entire disaster, wasn’t it? If the only consequences of my actions had been Equestria’s public realizing my true nature and his death, I might have considered it more than an even trade. But I had broken something else that day. And I think it was friendship.

At the very least, it was the backbone of Equestria’s military. Of the Wonderbolts and Royal Guards that had tried to stop me, four were fit for light duty afterwards. They only had bruises and concussions. As for the rest…

Broken bones. Fractured skulls. More than one pony had shattered multiple bones, and some I’d hit so hard they they’d gone temporarily deaf or blind. And some I’d simply destroyed completely.

Like Spitfire.

They airlifted the Captain of the Wonderbolts to the nearest hospital right after him. Of all the injured ponies, hers were the second-worst. Twilight had to carry Spitfire with her magic rather than let the pegasus paramedics do it so they didn’t shift Spitfire in any way.

…That was the last time Spitfire ever flew through the sky. They saved her life. That was a miracle in itself. But no amount of magic or needles could have repaired everything.

That day, Spitfire, 23rd Captain of the Wonderbolts resigned her position. In her place she appointed Fluttershy, who would lead the remnants of the Wonderbolts. Of the expanded ranks of the Wonderbolts, 236 full members and reservists…22 remained fit for duty.

It was better with the Royal Guard, I guess. They had more numbers, so they only lost a third of their fighting force.

Heh. A third? Like that’s so easy to replace. I guess I shouldn’t beat around the bush. The truth is that in one bad night, Equestria’s armies were crippled. The brave ponies that had managed to contain the undead outbreaks were suddenly understaffed. All things being equal, I’d have expected Equestria to slowly fall under the undead attacks.

Except that there was one more fighting force within Equestria, wasn’t there? The Grave Wardens were still around, and unlike the Wonderbolts or Royal Guard, they hadn’t lost a single member trying to stop me. So while the balance of power shifted, Equestria wasn’t overrun. The Grave Wardens started taking up the duty of patrolling around villages and leading the defense against undead attacks rather than the Royal Guards, and it was a matter of weeks before Fluttershy had enough new recruits to resume her rapid-response tactics…

I guess I should talk about my friends, shouldn’t I?

…

It’s hard to say. It’s hard to describe. But if you’ve ever lost a friend, maybe you’d understand. If you’d ever hurt somepony you love, you would know how it felt. But that feeling—make it a hundred thousand times worse. That’s what it’s like to hear your friends scream.

Screaming.

Twilight screamed and screamed until Applejack knocked her out. She had to do that while shouting for one of her Grave Wardens to grab as many doctors as possible and get them here now. As for Pinkie Pie, she was already tending to the wounded. Fluttershy was among them, but she was still upright, trying to save…

Him.

And she did. It took nearly an hour for the Grave Wardens to return on another train with every nurse and doctor in the Crystal Empire, but she managed it. I’m not even sure how, but Fluttershy has always had a gift for healing. But then again, maybe it was Spike.

He shouldn’t have been there. Twilight shouldn’t have let him stay. But she was distracted, trying to save as many lives as possible and he—

He could bandage wounds. He could cauterize broken flesh and stop bleeding. And he saved more lives than anypony else because of that.

…

I remember everything. That’s the greatest pain of being dead. Memory fades for the living, but my failures are as clear to me now as they were then. I remember, but is it alright if I just—

Doctors and nurses swarm the scene. The unicorns lift as many ponies as they can into the air, onto stretchers pegasus ponies use to fly the wounded as fast as they can to The Crystal Empire. The rest, those that aren’t in life-threatening situations are ferried onto the second train as carefully as possible. And above, watching, I see it all.

Spike stopping to vomit once he isn’t needed. Coughing. Crying. Throwing up until there’s nothing left. Innocence lost.

Twilight, staring numbly at him, his injuries. Being led away by Shining Armor and Cadence, her shoulders shaking.

Applejack, calmly organizing her Grave Wardens to protect the injured as they’re transferred, ordering a doctor to tend to Fluttershy. Her, refusing, walking even with a broken hoof and wings until the last of her Wonderbolts is tended to.

Such are the images of my own Tartarus. And they played out, a hundred times. A thousand times in the following days.

----

It took them a long time to break the news to Rarity. No one wanted to do it obviously. But she kept asking. I think she knew, really. She knew me, and she knew what I would have done. But she didn’t know. And so she demanded answers until—

Applejack broke it to her. I hovered outside of the hospital room with my other friends and listened. I heard her scream and fled.

Because for all that she had hated him at times, fought with him, and been hurt by him, she had loved him once.

I ran away rather than hear her suffer. But not before I heard her crying out to the heavens. Shouting at me. Asking me ‘why?’

Suffering.

----

I keep returning after that, but I am no longer a friend. Neither am I a hero. Rather than cheer my appearance, ponies once again run in terror at the sight of me. The commissioned statues of me disappear, and no longer is a seat held for me every Heart’s Warming Eve. I care not.

If it were only the hatred of other ponies, I would be content. If I had simply been hated by every living being except for my friends, I would even be happy. But they—

----

I stop in front of Fluttershy as she goes to visit Spitfire with flowers in her hoof. How many times is it this month? She steps around me, ignoring my presence completely. Though the other doctors and nurses retreat in fear she…

I step in front of her and Fluttershy looks up. Her eyes look into mine and right through me. She waits. After a moment I step aside.

Without a glance at me Fluttershy continues on her way.

----

I stop in front of Rarity’s room after that. Her recovery is—slow. It is hard for her to walk, a consequence of her head injury.

Sweetie Belle is helping her sister sew a dress. I guess it’s all that Rarity can do to keep sane, although it’s Sweetie Belle painstakingly using her magic to thread the needle according to Rarity’s instructions. No using her horn until she’s better. I can only imagine how frustrating it is for Rarity, but she is even smiling as she chats with her sister.

Then she looks up and sees me.

I don’t bother to duck and the lamp smashes into my face. The porcelain cuts my face. No pain, at least not from that. Sweetie Belle stares at me in horror, but Rarity only looks at me with more pain and hurt than I have ever seen—

I vanish.

----

I…don’t want to talk about it anymore. It hurts too much. Let me only say that it was no better with Pinkie Pie or Twilight. Worse, rather.

Pinkie, well, Pinkie is Pinkie. She didn’t ignore me like Fluttershy or…or react like Rarity. But she treated me differently nonetheless. She would still talk to me if she saw me or I appeared to help her, but cautiously. She’d stay away from other ponies when I was near and if I looked like I was approaching somepony she’d put herself between them and me.

She treated me like a threat. As I deserve. A different kind of pain, but no less agonizing.

And Twilight?

When I appeared to her—just as I had to all my friends except Applejack—what did I expect? I’d gone to each, silently, standing before them. Not to speak or beg forgiveness but just to…I don’t know. Fluttershy had ignored me, Pinkie Pie had looked at me and burst into tears until I left and Rarity had screamed until the doctors had to put her asleep.

And Twilight?

She blasted me into ash. A single spell, fired the instant I appeared before her.

Not a word. Just tears. I didn’t bother coming back. Starlight and Spike stared at the burning ash and embers as Twilight broke down and hit the ground until her hooves were bloody.

And I hadn’t the courage to go before Applejack. I knew she would look at me, or maybe try to kill me. But I feared to see her, to see her expression saying that everything she had thought about me was…

Right. Absolutely right.

And now I knew it.

----

No more. No more. Can even the dead wish to die? If only I could. But I can’t. Not until…

I left. I left Equestria. The undead were still rising, and the Grave Wardens and Wonderbolts struggled to keep up, but they were rebuilding, recruiting. There was danger, but not of the sort that they couldn’t handle.

So I tell myself. But I hadn’t the strength to protect any longer. I hadn’t the heart.

I was…

Alone.

For the first time ever, I was alone. Truly alone. Do you know what that means? For me? Not just as a pony or as someone who loves attention, but me. The Element of Loyalty. I had broken my friendships. My friends no longer wanted to see my face.

Alone.

----

At first I gave them space. After my first few appearances and the…reactions, I kept away. But then I couldn’t bear it. One month later I appeared to destroy a horde of undead ponies attacking a village Fluttershy was defending. I stood in the carnage and looked at Fluttershy. She looked through me.

Two months. I appeared in front of Rarity as she entered her boutique for the first time since leaving the hospital. She screamed at me again and told me she never wanted to see me again.

I left.

Another month. I appeared in front of Pinkie Pie and she didn’t reject me. But though I appeared in front of her almost every day she never…she never…

I stopped. I didn’t bother appearing in front of Twilight. She was holding court in her castle, taking some of Celestia’s burdens away from her by hearing pony’s complaints. I listened—

----

“Something must be done, Princess.” The leading stallion bows to Twilight, but his words are firm. The other ponies standing behind him are more cautious, but they are also resolute.

Twilight studies the proposal they’ve put in front of her. She looks up.

“…I just can’t accept this proposal. I’m sorry, but this—it won’t work. Rainbow Dash is my friend. I can’t abandon her.”

At her words the assembled group of ponies shift and murmur. Only the leading stallion is unmoved. “I understand your concerns, Princess, but in light of recent events we feel it is the only course of action that will reassure the public. Since her attack and latest reappearances, ponies are beginning to panic.”

“I know.” Twilight sits back in her chair and sighs. Time and stress have made her tired, and she looks far older than her years. “But I know Rainbow. It was only because Rarity was hurt that she lost control. Besides that, she’s never attacked anypony else. She’s stopped more undead hordes than all the Grave Wardens combined. If I issued a proclamation explaining all that, wouldn’t that reassure folks?”

“With the utmost respect, the public cannot take your word for this, Princess.” The stallion says, and the others behind him murmur their agreement. “Your former…friend isn’t the Element of Loyalty, hero of Equestria and former Wonderbolt. She’s a monster.”

Twilight twitches, and the stallion rushes on.

“I have seen her walk through the streets when she returns, Princess. I have looked into her eyes and seen no feeling there. You five are all she cares about in this world. Were you all to perish, I fear that she would abandon Equestria in a moment.”

Silence. Twilight can’t deny his words.

“Even so.” She touches the parchment with her hoof. “Does it have to be this way?”

“The people need faith in the Princesses.” The stallion murmured it quietly. “And the Elements of Harmony are all heroes of Equestria. But your friendship with Rainbow Dash…it makes ponies worried, Princess.”

Twilight looks into his eyes. The stallion looks back, his gaze clear. At last, Twilight looks away. She levitates a quill and dips it in ink. She scrawls her name across the parchment and hands it to the stallion.

“Very well.”

He bows, and the others follow suit. After a few more words Twilight dismisses them, and they leave the audience hall. She sits alone as the day shifts to evening and shadows lengthen. She is very still.

Even now. Even as she sits here, the gears are already in motion. The committee of mayors, Canterlot aristocracy and the most influential buisnessponies wouldn’t have put that proposal in front of her if they weren’t ready to spring into action. So even now…

In every corner of Equestria. From Griffonstone to Appleloosa, and even beyond it in places like the Crystal Empire newspapers would share the same headlines. Town criers and mailponies would deliver the news. A simple message.

Twilight speaks it into the silence.

“From this day on, the pony known as Rainbow Dash is no longer an Element of Harmony. She is to be avoided at all costs, and if she appears, word should immediately be sent to one of the Princesses. Despite her appearance, ponies should be warned that she is dead and able to resurrect herself through unknown means. She is…”

Twilight chokes. She coughs and goes on.

“She is exceptionally dangerous, and a potential threat to anypony who sees her. Because of her actions, she has proven she is not the pony she was in life. The current Rainbow Dash is not a pony who embodies friendship and she…she…”

Another pause.

“She may not be the friend I remember. Signed, Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship.”

Twilight finishes. In the dark room tears run down her face which she makes no move to wipe away. She cries, silently. And her last words—

“I’m sorry, Rainbow.”

And then she gives herself over to grief.

And I?

I go mad.

----

No longer an Element of Harmony. No longer a friend.

I jumped off a cliff. I plunged into magma. I tried to hurt myself, to no avail. You can imagine it, I think. A pitiful scene of a dead pegasus trying to hurt herself, to feel some pain—

To cover up the pain in my soul.

Alone.

I went insane. I went mad. I went crazy, and there weren’t words for how deeply I lost it. All I remember was walking around, either as spirit or in physical form, screaming. Running into things. Shouting at the world. Crying.

Maybe you don’t understand it. Maybe you can’t get why a few words hurt so much. But to me, they were everything. All I have ever been has been defined by my friends. I am the Element of Loyalty – was. For my friends, I dragged myself back from death itself. And they—

No longer an Element. No longer a friend.

She had to say it. She had to condemn me. My fault. My sin.

I went so crazy I don’t even remember what I did. Just…wandered, hurt, lost.

A few months passed. I walked around Equestria in a kind of daze. Not near any living ponies; I stayed away from them as far as possible. No, instead I roamed.

Among the dead.

They were everywhere, of course. Rotting bodies lurching around, sometimes drawn towards cities. They rose every day, and for the most part wandered as I did. So I stayed with them for the company.

Maybe it’s because I was dead, or my body was dead, but the undead ignored me completely. I could walk among them, even poke them and not receive a response. If I started attacking them seriously, they’d fight back but besides that they ignored me.

So I decided to try and get them to notice me.

It wasn’t hard, getting a few of the undead into a place where I could contain them. I found a small cave and dragged a few of the more intact dead there to…

Get them to notice me.

I know Twilight did her own experiments, but mine were different. I gave up on talking to them quick, and they didn’t really respond to anything I did. But what about feeding them?

…I gave them my body to eat. I chose three, and started ripping off my limbs and letting them eat the rotted meat. Why? Why not?

Two mares, one stallion. One from each pony race, just to round things out. I called the Unicorn Bitey for obvious reasons, the stallion Rotty, and the Earth Pony mare Stinky.

I’m not good with names.

But they ate the meat. At least, they did when I figured out how to make my body solid. Normally I just decayed into dust, but I found there was a trick to it. I had to concentrate even harder to make my body out of real flesh and blood, but when I did they suddenly wanted to eat me.

So I let them.

----

How long? More months. I stay in the cave with the three, letting them eat me.

I’m constantly in physical form, now. And the three take turns biting me, tearing my flesh, cracking my bones. Sometimes they eat my brains or eyes.

I let them.

…Seems as if eating ponyflesh isn’t really necessary for the dead. Rather, it doesn’t do them much good. They’re still dead, so the meat just rots inside of them.

Rather, it did. Bitey was the first to eat too much and her stomach eventually exploaded. She walks around with a rotted undercarriage now, but I don’t hate her for it. That’s just the way she is.

They’re all rotting. Well, a few months of being outside – even if it is in a dark cave without any sun – that’s pretty bad for a pile of bones and meat. I’m sure they stink, but I don’t bother using my nose.

I sit in the cave and let them eat me. Today Stinky is gnawing on my ears. She’s already bitten one off, and I can feel her ripping the cartilage of the second. Well, good for her.

I sit and stare at the wall of the cave. It’s dark, lined with dirt and pieces of my flesh. I’ve memorized every fleck of stone, every crevasse. But still I stare at it.

Numbly.

No, that’s not right. Numb is a lack of pain. And I still hurt.

Bitey comes by and starts ripping at my face. She pulls off some fur from my cheeks and I let her dig in. No pain. No feeling. Just emptiness. If only it hurt. If only I could feel that pain. But instead all the pain’s inside.

Hm. Where’s Rotty? A few months back I opened the cave so the three could wander about. They’re far enough from any civilization that they won’t wander off, and they always come back when they get…hungry? Anyways, they come back to gnaw at me quite often.

It’s been three hours. Where has he gone?

I could get up and look. I could, but I don’t. I’ve been sitting in the same spot for the last three months. No sense in moving. So I sit and stare.

More flesh is ripped away. Bitey’s hungry today. Shame that it all tumbles out of the hole in her stomach regardless.

The only sounds are the ripping and crunching of flesh. Normally. But for some reason I hear something else. My ears are still supernaturally good even when they’re gone, so I hear it.

Quiet hoofsteps. The creak of leather. An exhaled breath.

Rotty? But no, I realize what it is too late. Or rather, too late for Stinky and Bitey.

As the two ponies close in to bite at me again I hear a twang and a thud. Stinky’s face explodes as the crossbow bolt breaks her rotted skin and weak bone. I stare at her as the undead pony falls, now fully dead.

Bitey turns slowly, as if looking for the intruder. She can probably sense its life-force, just as I can. She lurches forwards—

And a silver hatchet buries itself in her skull. Strings cut, Bitey falls to the ground, twitching slightly. I look around and see a dark shape in the cave. It sees me as well.

With the practiced reflexes of a warrior, the Grave Warden lunges forward and hits me with a hoof that shatters my skull. It’s a textbook takedown against one of the dead, and I feel my head smoosh against the cave wall.

Eyes blank, back of the head caved in, I still stare at my attacker. The pony is in darkness, yet I can see her face. What is light to the sight of the dead? But she can’t see me. The pony fumbles, and in the darkness I see a flash—

The timber ignites and the pony holds up her lantern. She studies Bitey’s corpse, and retrieves both her hatchet and the crossbow bolt from Stinky’s head. Then she looks at me and I hear her intake of breath.

“Rainbow—!?”

I stared at Applejack silently. I see her looking at my head. Part of my face is still missing from Bitey’s snack. Silently, I regrow the tissue and bone.

Well, horseapples. Of all the ponies I’d like to meet least, Applejacks’s…probably number three. Or four. But she’s still up there.

But I don’t move. I’m not sure what to do, or rather, I don’t feel like moving. I just wait for her to spit in my face or put another crossbow bolt in my eye…

But she doesn’t. After a moment of studying me, Applejack lowers her lantern and sets it on the ground. Then she begins cleaning her hatchet.

It’s a nice blade, and shiny. What more do you want me to say? It’s also unique to Equestria, in that no pony’s ever carried a weapon clearly meant for fighting like that before. I wonder vaguely who made it. The silver finish of the blade and it’s sharpness means Applejack probably got some kind of blacksmith to forge it.

What blacksmith? Ponies have blacksmiths? Where’s the blacksmith?

My head is filled with useless thoughts. But really, my main emotion upon seeing Applejack here, even if she is ignoring me, is happiness. Yes, even if she’s ignoring me. Even if she hates me. Even if it’s only for a minute longer, I look at my friends’ face.

Applejack finishes wiping down her blade, using Bitey’s corpse as a rag. That done, she stows the gleaming hatchet in a holster at her belt and looks at me again. I wait for her to hit me, or curse me or just walk away. But she doesn’t.

“So this is where you’ve been hiding,” she says at last. “Ah gotta say, ah’m a bit disappointed.”

Silence. Applejack looks at me, but what would I say? I sit in the same posture I’ve been in, staring at her. Waiting.

“Everypony else got worried after y’all stopped appearing,” Applejack said after a few minutes. “Some folks reckon you finally passed on, or were plottin’ something. But that ain’t what you were doing, was it?”

I don’t move. I don’t nod or shake my head. Moving, like everything else, has grown tiring. I would have been fine sitting in this dark cave forever without my friends to protect. But seeing Applejack’s face is like lighting a fire in me. Slowly, I feel my soul beginning to stir again.

“Ah reckon it was Twilight’s proclamation that did it. Can’t say ah blame her, what with folks bein’ so afraid. Still, I wouldn’t have thought you’dve cared.”

Applejack eyes me. I stare back at her, unblinking. But she’s hit a chord and both of us know it.

“So that’s it. Y’all have been sitting here, letting dead ponies eat you for – how long? A year now? What were you waiting for? Or were you hoping they’d eat you until you didn’t come back?”

No response. But I shift slightly, the first time in an age. Applejack sees it and continues.

“Ah’d never have found this place normally. No pony would. But the undead attacks have stopped. Nearly ceased, actually. Only the wanderin’ ones are about, so ah’ve been tracking them down in their lairs.”

Silence. But I’m waking up. I can feel it. Yet still, I remain silent. The dead have no right to speak to the living. But the living sometimes talk with the dead.

“Mourning, huh?” Applejack snorts and studies me with contempt. “Or is it regret? If you’d have done that before—but it’s because none of the others will talk to you, right?”

She’s smart, AJ. Well, in some things.

“Can’t say I blame them.” Applejack stared up at the cramped ceiling before looking back at me, “Even ah had trouble lookin’ at him. And hurtin’ all those other folks, well, no wonder Fluttershy won’t talk about you anymore.”

My head lower slightly. I can’t help it. Every word is true.

“Every pony in Equestria hates your guts, don’t they?” Applejack looks at me. “Or maybe, fears you. All those stupid statues of you got knocked down and turned to gravel.”

She snorts again.

“They finally get it. Ah told them, and nopony listened. But when folks heard of what you did, they woke up. They know you’re a monster, and everypony still talks about how horrible it was of you to kill that guy.”

True. All true. I want to curl up into a ball and fly away. But Applejack approaches me, and when I look into her eyes I see something hard there. And she says—

“—But you know what? If y’all hadn’t done it, ah’d have done the exact same thing.”

A pause. I look at Applejack. My face doesn’t change, but if she could hear my soul shouting…

“Ah saw Rarity afterwards. Y’all did a good job getting her to the hospital in time. Reckon that was worth you staying around all that time. But her injuries—that fellow didn’t deserve the air he breathed. If it were me, ah wouldn’t have kept him alive after ah was done. But at least he hurt as he was dyin’, even if he did manage to run his mouth the entire time.”

What? Applejack is close to me, but feel like she’s miles away. What is she saying?

Applejack leans against a rock next to me and speaks conversationally.

“Every punch, every kick, even eatin’ him…ah don’t mind it. ‘Course, don’t tell anypony else ah said that.”

I look at her. The words coming out of Applejack’s mouth—they’re totally different from the friend I know. What’s happened?

“Ah was gonna do it myself, but you beat me to it. Reckon the least I could do was get my Wardens outta the way, though. I didn’t want to lose them, and it would’ve been a shame if he got away.”

Her eyes. Look into her eyes. They’re green like the forest canopy and grassy meadows like they’ve always been. But something’s changed them nonetheless.

“Shame about those folks that got hurt, but they should’ve stayed out of the way. And if it was that or puttin’ him on trial and only putting him in jail for a bit…”

Hard. Applejack’s eyes have become hard. Cold. They’re not my friend’s eyes. And the way she talks, and acts.

“Ah’m glad it hurt. And ah'm glad you did it, since ah’d have had trouble covering it up. Just wanted to let you know that.”

What happened? What happened to her? But of course, I know.

Battle. War. Hatred, and all of these things. Applejack’s been fighting and killing ponies since they started rising from the ground. Of course it would make her tougher, and of coruse she’d look at killing as less of a terrible thing. Nevertheless, while I was fine with dying my hooves red to protect my friends, seeing it in her…

It’s wrong.

I just feel it. I want to say it out loud, but I look at Applejack and my heart…I am so grateful to be close to her that I can’t. Just being around my friend makes me feel alive. So despite the pain I feel from seeing her change, I remain silent.

Applejack sighs. Looks like she’s done. With an effortless motion she propels herself off the rock and faces me.

“Ah gotta go. More lairs to clean out, and ah’m heading back to Ponyville tonight. Y’all should stay away from Fluttershy for a bit longer, but ah reckon Pinkie and Twilight wouldn’t mind seein’ your face. Rarity neither.”

I stare at Applejack. This time I’m confused. From the moment I realized it was her, no, the moment I realized a Gray Warden had appeared I was expecting a hoof to cave my skull in, or to be set on fire and chopped into bits. But Applejack just gestures with one hoof.

“G’wan. Git. Ah ain’t stupid enough to try and kill a pony who doesn’t have a real body. And this cave ain’t the place for anypony to be, even a monster.”

Silence. But this time it’s Applejack who’s waiting. And her eyes on me, and her presence…

Not hatred. Well, some hatred. But for the firest time I don’t feel quite so alone. And the others—could I really show my face to them again? After only a year? It feels like such a short time to me, but I sense it.

I am no longer alone.

So I stand up.

Applejack looks at me. I look at her. Slowly, my body begins to disintegrate. It’s harder to make a flesh-and-blood body disappear, but I do it.

“Folks will hate you, but ah reckon you don’t care much about that,” Applejack says to my dissolving face. “But just know that ah reckon the matter’s settled between us. Don’t get in my way, but don’t let the others get hurt. Ah can live with that.”

My heart. If only I could describe the feeling in it with mere words. But I am not hated. That’s enough. And I feel so full of energy again, almost as if I’m alive…

I disappear. My soul lingers for a moment. Applejack nods at the pile of dust and begins walking out of the cave. But she stops and looks over her shoulder.

“And don’t worry about Rarity. Ah’ll take care of her.”

Something in her voice—

I guess. But even if I’m right, I’d be glad of it. It doesn’t matter. Applejack leaves, and I feel her go as I stay in that place. But the distance doesn’t matter. Because I—

Am no longer alone.

And that is all that matters.

----

I could go on and on about how I felt after seeing Applejack. I could talk about my whirling emotions, my desire to see my friends, my fear that they wouldn’t be as forgiving of me as Applejack.

And also, the pain at seeing how she’d changed. I could talk about all that, and indeed, I was planning to immediately travel to Ponyville and find them. But that’s when the world changed for me again.

It was then that I meet him. Not him, Rarity’s former lover, but him. The other him.

The dead pony, just like me.

Was it a ripple? No, more like an echo. A tingling in my very soul from a distance beyond endless. It caught me as I was about to leave that small cave, and made me hesitate. For, however faint it was, there are no sounds in death. No uncertainties. I had heard it.

It wasn’t like hearing somepony call out my name. There are no sounds or voices to speak. Rather, I felt something in the void of death, something besides myself and the endless nothingness that was my existence.

I felt the echo of another soul caught between life and death, distant, and yet close enough to listen to.

Naturally, physical distance is no barrier to the dead. But this was a different kind of distance, the separation of time, and something else.

Yet despite the interference I knew what it was immediately. Another.

Another?

Yes, another. But how? Why? And where? I didn’t know. But then that sensation came again, and I learned more.

There was another. But he, it, she…was so far away that I couldn’t guess the distances between us. Yet somehow, they had sensed me and sent out that pulse of sensation that I had felt.

…But I couldn’t tell where it was coming from. Each time I felt it, I learned more. But locating the origin of that echo was impossible. I had to wait.

So I did. Remember that time is meaningless for me, usually at least. So despite my impatience, I was easily able to wait the several hours before I heard it again.

There. Yes, I felt it. Another soul. And it was a he.

And oh, he was so weak! Or perhaps it was that I was strong. All I know is that I was suddenly aware of how vividly real I was, even for a dead spirit. Such was the strength of my nature and will that I could breach the barrier between death and life itself, will myself into existence and out of it. By comparison, he was simply a ghost, a lost spirit refusing to enter into that next place.

But if he was a ghost, he was the only one I’d ever met in nearly two years of death. Thus, he was a king among ghosts, strong enough in will to reach across the void to touch my soul.

And naturally, once I had heard his ‘voice’ I called back. It’s odd, trying to talk with your soul rather than your vocal chords. Or maybe not. When you get down to it, isn’t it really weird to vibrate a bunch of meat to make sound? The way the dead talk is far easier. We just think and project our feelings into the world, and let others listen. But in that sense, you can’t ever record our speech, because we must be listened to for our words to exist. And it is lonely, being alone with no one to talk to.

So lonely.

But now I had something to fixate on, someone else who might be out there, dead and still alive! I strained hard, shouting with the fiercest emotion of my loneliness and curiosity!

Is anyone out there?

And there was silence.

For three whole days I waited, for once not content to let time pass me by unhindered. And then, at last, I heard his response!

Yes.

It was such a faint reply, carried across distances unimaginable. But I knew I had not dreamed it, and so I instantly sped towards the origin of that reply.

As I said, distance is of no object for me. I can appear almost anywhere in the world in an instant, for what limits are there on spirits? Speed…I could outfly my mortal body and beat it around the world a thousand times before it even launched into the air. But there are more than physical distances in the world of the dead.

I found him in the darkest places of the afterlife. It’s hard to describe because directions and mortals know it don’t apply there. Rather, let’s just say it was at the outward limits of that place, in the part of the world where souls are lost and fade away. He was wandering there, unable to find his way back to the world. He had…lost his connection, somehow.

It was a terrible place. I felt the darkness sucking at my own soul, and sensed…death. No, worse than that; oblivion. Forgetting. The empty end of all things. And I shuddered, because I sensed my own end here.

Is that the place I would eventually go? Perhaps. If I lost my friends and all attachments to Equestria, maybe I would one day wander into this maze and never find my way out. But I had my friends, and they were the beacon that anchored my heart. For a while at least, I could brave the darkness.

And I heard his voice. His soul was a flickering light among the shadows even as I approached. But once I called out to him he moved towards me, and when the two of us met—

Ah. How can I describe it?

The terror burns within him/yet he hopes that he is not imagining/she burns in his senses, so alive, so powerful—!

She is lonely, so lonely/abomination the words tear at her heart/until death, until damnation she will protect/she doesn’t want to be alone anymore—

We recoiled from the meeting of our souls. But just as quickly, we rejoined, rather than face the darkness of that place alone. It was closing in, malevolent, stealing our very beings with its presence. I fled, and took him with me back to Equestria.

And when we had finished our dizzying, frantic flight out of that empty place, we met again. Tentatively this time, we touched each other lightly with our souls.

He had no name. Or rather, he had forgotten it. He was a memory, a ghost of a being that had once lived. A pony? Yes, a pony! And he was amazed to meet another spirit that had resisted the call of death. It had been so long, so long…he had clung to existence, hoping, praying he would meet another. And now he had, and she – she was radiant and beautiful.

Um. Wow. Talk about a first confession, right? I couldn’t blush, but even as a spirit, I felt really…wow. But if that was what I sensed from him, you can be sure he felt something from me.

Let’s…let’s just say that I reciprocated the feeling. Reciprocated. That’s a good word. I learned it out of one of Twilight’s books. I was bored, alright? I uh, didn’t have any Daring Doo books so I read from a dictionary. That doesn’t make me an egghead! And I’m not trying to steer the conversation away from how I felt! I just really…

Really liked him. And I mean at once.

Maybe it was because I was so lonely as a ghost. Maybe it was how Rarity had found someone to love and I hadn’t. Maybe it was because his joy at meeting me was so real, and so different from how other ponies treated me.

Maybe it’s because meeting another spirit and rescuing him from soul-sucking oblivion is hot. That was probably one of the reasons. Anyways, we hit it off at once.

----

Our spirits danced throughout the heavens. Not the celestial heavens beyond, but simply the skies of Equestria. From the ever-snowing wastes of the Crystal Empire to the burning Dragon Lands, we moved together, first one leading, then the other. And all the while we talked.

Not in the way mortals talk. Rather, it was like two fireflies meeting in the night. Every time our souls came close we exchanged…everything. Thought, feeling, emotion, all passed between us in moments and then we would break apart, to think and react before joining again.

There is nothing more intimate than that. For all I loved Rarity with the deepest of passions in life, this was a level of connection that is unobtainable for any but the dead. The two of us, me and him, were so close as to be one being, and only when we moved apart did we become separate.

I know, first date and we were all over each other. But he and I were both so…hungry.

Hungry? I guess that’s one word for it. Lonely might be better, but really, it was hunger we felt. Hunger for another soul to share death with, hunger to not be alone for all of time. I had felt that isolation wearing down upon me for the last two years – I sensed that his solitude had lasted much, much longer. And so he burned and I burned with a passion I had not felt since I had been alive.

Yes, if I could have gone back in time I would have killed him earlier. Not because I hated him, but because then I wouldn’t have been alone. For only when I had found another did I realize how lonely I had been, guarding my friends all this time by myself.

It must have been nearly two weeks before we stopped sharing the intimate details of our souls with one another. Not because we had finished – we could have been together forever. But Fluttershy had been attacked by the dead, and I was called away.

For all that the other spirit was able to hang on to his identity even in death, he was still not a fraction of what I was. Perhaps he had been stronger once, when he had recently passed away, but I could sense he was so weak compared to my abilities. Even his speed as a ghost was weaker than mine – I was at Fluttershy’s side in an instant, and inhabiting a mortal body on earth in another second. He couldn’t even catch up, and only when I had finished did I find him lost in the Everfree forest, trailing on the wind.

He was weak. But when I touched his mind with my own, I felt the depths of his affection for me, newly-grown yet with deep roots. And I know he felt my…interest in him. And so we danced again, and I believe the contact made both of us stronger. It gave us something to cling to in this world, and it was wonderful not to be alone. We could have been together forever like that, for once both of us at peace.

But the world was not content to leave matters be. And very soon, I had cause to learn a lesson I should have known long ago. I had learned it, but I learned it again, that bitter, painful lesson.

The living fear the dead, and what the living fear, they hate. That, and the fact that nothing lasts forever.

Not even death.

The dead began to rise in greater numbers. And this time, it was all of them.