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Goosed!

by Estee

Chapter 4: The Airborne Cacophony-Inflictor

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The mayor met them at the front of Town Hall, which took some major work on the older mare's part. The area was... occupied. Some of it was being done by thirty geese, all of whom refused to move for any reason less than violence, and the majority of whom came back shortly after the attack stopped. The rest was taken up with inferior, unworthy, Barneigh's-destined shed feathers. And -- stuff. Lots and lots of stuff. Holding any amount of territory took constant work, and the mayor's mane dye had begun to liquefy and drip from the sheer effort she'd been bringing to the process. A partially-severed, dye-stained cravat was hanging off the left side of her neck. One glasses lens was cracked along the golden frame.

"Applejack," she tersely noted. "Upstairs."

"Um... okay," the farmer carefully agreed. "An' -- everypony else?"

"Can wait outside. Or in the main rotunda." She looked over the decidedly dirty group, took brief notice of Rarity's dripping form. "Anywhere they like, really. Since those things already got inside once, it's not as if it'll make any difference to the cleanup at this point. But you? Upstairs."


[/hr]

It was her first time in the mayor's office. It was the first time she'd realized the mayor had one. The pony with executive powers over the settled zone was normally found on street level, going out and about, talking to ponies and pressing her forehooves against theirs, discussing problems which needed to be solved and evaluating potential future ones, assessing damage before filing a government disaster relief form...

...actually, there had been a lot of those...

Applejack stood still on the other side of the oddly-simple desk. Tried to remember it wasn't a principal's office, and did everything she could not to shuffle her hooves.

The mayor reared up, braced her forelegs on the edge of that battered furniture, stared at Applejack through cracked lens and over the top of several very large piles of paperwork, all of which seemed to be made up of those very familiar disaster relief forms.

"What did she do?"

Applejack blinked, but only as a means of stalling.

"What did who do?"

"Your sister," the mayor tensely clarified. "What did she do?"

"Nothin'! She ain't -- Ah mean, it wasn't her this time. Ah checked before Ah ever left the Acres this morning. Said she never did anythin' with birds involved."

"And you believed her."

"Yeah." (She so very badly wanted to add ''cause mah sister don't lie' to it. She couldn't. Because Applejack didn't lie.) "She thought it was a chance to go Crusadin', an' that means she didn't start it."

After far too long a pause, it got her a slow nod. "And -- the other two?"

"Didn't speak with 'em. But it's usually all three t'gether, so Ah'm pretty sure they're out of it. Can't be certain -- but Ah think they're innocent this time." For once...

Another nod, even slower. "All right. And in that case -- what did you do?"

This blink was sincere.

"Yer pardon?"

The mayor's eyes narrowed in a very Fluttershy way.

"Since Princess Luna made her Return," the elected official slowly said, "there has been a certain -- let us say, consistency -- to life in this particular settled zone. A come-and-go, rise-and-fall, never-absent level of chaos. Now, some of that is simply existence in Equestria: there isn't a single settled zone anywhere on the continent which doesn't get a bit of wild zone intrusion now and again, a little reminder of why we have settled zones in the first place. That applies to Ponyville as well, and I've spent a lot of time doing my best to remember that. But for us... for the majority of what's happened over that time span, there are generally two causes. It's either something your sister and her friends have done -- or it's something you've done. You or the other Bearers. I could start citing events on a case-by-case basis, but I really don't think there's much need, because I can see your hooves shifting and I know that a pony who's known for her honesty is rather bad at public denial, which is one more reason why I made sure I got you up here. So, again, Applejack -- what did you, or any of the other six, very much including Spike, do?"

Years fell away under that lower-case stare, leaving her as a fumble-mouthed kindergartener in front of the teacher's desk.

"...nothin'."

The mayor wasn't moving.

"...nothin' that Ah know of. Ah had one on mah own property, Ah went t' Fluttershy, Ah've got the whole herd out there... Mayor, nopony's said anythin' 'bout somethin' they mighta done t' start this. Nothin' at'tall. Maybe it's somethin' from before catchin' up, but Ah can't think of anythin' that would qualify, an'... nothin', Mayor. That's as far as Ah know, an' so it's the most Ah can say."

Several slow breaths were taken on both sides of the desk. The topmost disaster relief form on the nearest pile shifted back and forth in the current.

"All right," the mayor finally said. "So if it wasn't anything you made happen -- then it's something you'll stop. I am using what power I have to press the Bearers into service -- or, given how little authority I truly possess in the matter without being able to prove a cause, to make a rather pointed request. I have the police out there, doing what they can. I have citizens defending their homes. But it's not enough. I'll call to Canterlot if I have to, but I feel they may be as sick as receiving my distress as I am of sending it. So until we reach that level of last resort... Applejack, I am asking for you and the others to get these things out of our settled zone. Please."

There was only one possible answer, and she gave it. "We'll do what we can." Unfortunately, it was followed by the only possible question. "But... why are y'askin' me, specifically? Y'had Spike send the letter t' me, an' Ah don't understand why..."

"Who's in charge?" It was a simple query.

"Huh?"

"Twilight has gone to her conference. She made sure to file the paperwork for her absence: it's something she's very faithful about. With her gone... who's in charge?"

"Ain't nopony really in charge," was Applejack's first, instinctive reaction. "We do kinda coordinate 'round Twi most of the time, but that's jus' 'cause so much of the stuff has magic involved, or jus' that she got the letter an' has t' get everypony t'gether. When we're out there, it's more 'bout what the problem is an' who solves it best. This is animals, so we kinda have t' take our lead from Fluttershy here, an' Ah saw her startin' t' go through her books as Ah was comin' up --"

"-- Applejack."

"...what?"

"Apparently your inability to engage in public denial does nothing to remove any potential you have for the self-inflicted variety. I am asking you a simple question. Twilight is absent. Who is in charge?"

And Applejack finally thought about it.

"...oh, horse apples."

The mayor nodded.

"It's me, ain't it?"

Again.

"But -- why?"

"They look to you," the mayor said, "because you are the most steadfast. The fulcrum point which will not shift under their unbalanced weights. When Twilight is gone -- you are in charge. They know it. I know it. I thought it was long past time you knew it. Now -- if the lead mare wouldn't mind taking her herd out to do what they must...?"

And all Applejack could do was repeat herself. "We'll do what we can."

"Good."

Applejack started to trot for the door, passing far too many filing cabinets along the way.

She hesitated.

"Y'know, you used t' be a lot nicer."

The word was tinged with a deep exhaustion, layered in sadness, burdened with years. "Really?"

"You used t' mostly open parades an' parties an' holidays. You gave me an award once..." Not that she actually remembered most of that last part, and the little portions she had retained were things she wished she could forget.

She felt the nod. "For reliability and helpfulness. I'm hoping that still applies."

"But -- y'always seemed so happy..."

A long moment of quiet held the room.

"Applejack, are you aware that we have the elections in three weeks?"

"Yeah. Day an' Night Court reps, right? An'..."

"And the mayoralty. The deadline for filing to run against me was half a moon ago."

"Oh. Yeah. Look, jus' 'cause we're havin' this talk now, it don't mean y'don't still have mah support."

The laugh was far too soft. "Oh, I know I have your support, Applejack. It's not as if you have any choice in the matter."

It hadn't been a threat. There was no level of anger in the statement. Just... exhaustion. And Applejack didn't understand.

"Mayor?"

"You have no choice, Applejack... because nopony filed to run against me. Because nopony wants this job any more. Nopony at all."

She couldn't make herself turn. "Nopony? Not even Thistle Burr? He always -- an' Pinkie, okay, Ah know that's jus' so she can throw the rally party when she starts an' the really big bash when she drops out, but she started runnin' while she was still in school, ain't no way everypony jus' decided t' drop out at the same time! Maybe the paperwork jus' got misplaced, or -- did anypony move? Saw Thistle three days ago an' Ah wish Ah'd seen the last of him, but maybe some of the others jus' up an' left, so --"

"-- you're right, Applejack." She heard the hooves move off the desk, the little impact as all four legs touched the floor again. "I used to be a lot nicer. But... that was a lot of disaster relief forms ago."

She finally looked back, and found she couldn't see the pony for the paperwork.

Softly, "Ah know -- Ah know we've got a problem outside right now, but you've got one in here, an' -- an' Ah wanna help, Ah do, but you've gotta keep talkin'..."

"Go down the ramp. Go to the others. Fix this. That's what you can do to help."

"...Marigold? Please..."

"Go."


[/hr]

She found the others camped out inside the rotunda, in a rough circle around Fluttershy -- or rather, in a circle around the books. There were times when the caretaker did in fact go full Twilight, and one of the more frequent causes was the cottage's basement library. It was the second-largest collection of books possessed by the group (although Rarity kept a back catalog of fashion magazines which came close and occasionally scoured through their pages in hopes of finding something which was about to come back around to vintage), it was horrifically expensive to update, and it required frequent consultation in order to locate that one crucial piece of information about the next illness --

"...well," Fluttershy said, the soft voice carrying an odd mixture of disappointment and excitement, "I don't get to name them..."

-- or species.

Applejack raced down the remainder of the ramp, galloped up to the front of the ring. "You found 'em?"

A tentative nod. "...yes. I'm sure of it -- well, pretty sure. I mean, there could be some sort of bird equivalent to changelings out there, but I think I'd know one as soon as I tried talking to them, so... um... yes. They were in an update volume. No pictures, because nopony had any. It was before pictures -- well, before photography. But with what happened... some ponies were digging out all the information they had, because they could use it to justify selling another updated edition. And we actually needed it this time!"

She lowered her body to the least-fouled patch of floor, tried not to think about the word 'least' too much, felt her ears rotate forward. "Okay, Fluttershy. Let's hear it. What's the name?"

"...there's a lot of names... it's sort of regional by the current nations, and a lot of them might have gotten confused because of how much time it's been... but..." Her eyes went over the relevant page. "...when you're not mad at them... which doesn't seem to be often... they're called Crystal Geese."

Applejack frowned. "Um... yeah. 'Shy, Ah was jus', y'know, out there? With you an' everypony else? Ain't nothin' crystal about 'em. Just feathers and foul."

"...oh, that's just for their point of origin. They're from the Empire."

A sudden blast of very familiar cold began to wrap itself around Applejack's heart.

"The... Empire?"

Fluttershy nodded.

Aw, no... "Keep -- keep goin'."

"...well... most of what's here is the names. Those survived. There isn't a lot about how they operate, because it's been so long. But basically..." Fluttershy took a deep breath. "...they're native to the Empire, but they migrate. And I guess this would be their migration season, or at least what it is now after the Empire -- came back. There must have been some behind the barrier when everypony there got trapped, and now their internal clock is trying to adjust, so whenever they would have migrated normally, it's time now. But... nopony's seen them since about two years after the Empire was cut off. Some of them were outside when it happened, and they went..."

She peered closely at the thick book.

"...'suspiciously extinct.'"

Rainbow moved closer.

"'Suspiciously extinct'?"

"...yes."

"It really says that?"

"...with the first word underlined."

"Seriously?"

"...three times."

Pinkie looked up from where she'd been trying to counterbalance some of the shed feathers into a mini-fort. "So what's suspicious about it? If only a few got trapped outside, there might not have been enough to have families, or families where they'd be sort of -- well, after a few generations, they'd kind of be marrying into their own family, and that's really not good -- wait, you said it was just two years, so that can't be it."

"...no, it looks like a lot of them got trapped outside. But... they didn't have a good reputation. It was kind of the opposite. It was so bad that... well, that's why the names survived."

"Names." That from Applejack, who was amazed the word had made it through frozen lungs.

"...yes."

Rarity's tail was beginning to lash. "Shall we hear a few of them?"

"...well... in Griffonant, they're... Ultionum Prandium."

Rainbow's head came up. "Wait a second! I think I know that one! Gilda taught me some... it's been a while since I used any of this, let me think... that translates to..." A gulp of saliva made its way down the trim neck. "...um... Fluttershy... you may not want to hear this..."

It triggered a soft sigh. "...I know some Griffonant, Rainbow. Most species taxonomy is written in it. Go ahead..."

Rainbow winced, looked around at the others, seeking escape in the form of a third translator. None appeared.

Reluctantly, "It means 'vengeance lunch'."

Applejack's body was vibrating now, a shiver trying (and failing) to drive away the internal chill. Rarity was the first to pick up on it. "Are you all right, dear? You seem rather too distressed even for that potentially deserved image."

"No," was Applejack's stark response. "Ah ain't. But Ah ain't gonna talk 'bout it here. Keep goin', Fluttershy."

"...most of the real information is what we already saw. That they're territorial, they're mean, they pick fights... some of the flocks are huge, it says they just about darkened the skies when they went overhead, but maybe that's just exaggeration, it's been so long and history tries to make everything sound more important than it was..."

"Anythin' else?"

She carefully nosed the page over. "...yes. It says they were believed to have the world's... 'single least efficient digestive system.'"

"Kinda figured that one out already on mah own. Anythin' 'bout how t' get rid of 'em?"

"...sort of."

"An' that would be...?"

"...um..." The beautiful features twisted with distress. "...Ultionum Prandium?"

Silence won every election and took over the building.

"...I don't want to," Fluttershy quietly said. "...they're beautiful..."

"Yes," Rarity crossly agreed. "Beautiful like Blueblood: a state which holds right up until the moment you get to know him. I am not advocating for a campaign of extermination, Fluttershy: I am simply stating that it only requires a tiny amount of personal experience to understand how somepony might become inclined to start one."

"...it... might be best."

Everypony stared at her.

"Fluttershy?" The tiny burst of flame showed just how shocked Spike truly was. "You're talking about -- about --"

"...they've been gone too long, Spike. They were extinct, for more than a thousand years. Back then, they still had... a place. Maybe it was an angry place, or one which was too big because they kept insisting everywhere belonged to them... but they were part of the cycle. Part of the world. And when a species goes extinct... it leaves a hole, and that hole hurts, because you'll never have them again, and the world can be so much lesser for losing them..." The blue-green eyes were starting to acquire moisture. "...but at the same time... that hole starts to close. After so much time, the role they had to play in the cycle, outside the Empire... it's gone. The world learned to go on without them... and they might do more damage by coming back, because nothing else remembers. They only know how to act just like they always did, they can't learn, and the world doesn't know how to deal with them any more..."

She slowly stood up, walked out of the circle of books, lowered herself again near the front doors. Tucked her head under her mane. And they all rose, they started to go to her, because they always would -- but whispered words begged for a moment alone, and it was reluctantly granted.

"I..." It was Rarity's turn to swallow. "I do not like them. I have very little difficulty with the idea of fighting them. But... extinction..."

Ah shouldn't have t' --

"Right now," Applejack heavily said, "let's jus' concentrate on gettin' 'em out of town. Still got some questions, though."

Fluttershy's head slowly came up. "...questions?"

"Yeah. It's a long way from here t' the Empire. They've been migratin' for a while: no other way it could've worked. So why is this the first we're hearing 'bout 'em? They had t' have touched down more than a few times before this, right?"

It got her a teary-eyed nod. "...yes. But... think about the route. I don't know everywhere they used to go: different races held territory that far back, and some of it was probably in what's Equestria now. But just going through Equestria, Applejack... most of the continent is still wild zones. This might be the first place they landed where anypony lived, and... back when they were still flying..."

Applejack could save some of Fluttershy's strength there. "...this was a wild zone." Ponyville, as such things went, was still a relatively new settlement. "They weren't expectin' ponies here. We're jus' one more thing takin' up --" and the words were spat past the cold "-- their territory."

Pinkie had wandered into the circle of books. "You weren't kidding about the names, Fluttershy! I've never seen so many for a single kind of bird!"

That produced a small smile. "...yes. Well, they're sort of... earned..."

Pinkie's snout got closer to the page. "Let's see... 'Waterfoul...' oh, that's funny! What else is in here?"

"So there's nothing about what gets rid of them?" Rainbow demanded. "Or how ponies dealt with them before?"

Pinkie answered with "'The Amstiverous Glamgewhorter' -- I have no idea what that one's supposed to mean."

Rainbow groaned. "Fine. What's our options? There's no point in trying to freeze them out, not if they can make it through the weather around the Empire."

"...that's any goose," Fluttershy agreed.

Rarity sighed. "Down, even the inferior variety, has a purpose. They're rather well-insulated. Lightning?"

That produced another groan. "Too many. And if it's just about scaring them... Fire?"

"How many gems do you think I have?" Spike wearily challenged. "And it's too easy to have it get out of control. I'd have to miss them on purpose, every time -- but if I'm missing them, I'm hitting something."

Pinkie's contribution was "'Grey-Winged Shitbuckets'."

Everypony immediately focused on Pinkie.

"That's what it says! It's an official name! In a book! That makes it science!" And she kept reading.

"Look," Applejack wearily stated, "let's jus' try -- gettin' out there. Let's see what they're doin'. An' what they ain't. If there's somethin' they're avoidin', something we can see they don't like, maybe we can turn that against 'em. Fluttershy, any of those other books got anythin' we need? No? Fine: we'll just bring the one. An' come t' think of it..." She looked at Spike. "...let's send a letter."

"To Twilight? You think it's time?"

"Naw. To the Canterlot Archives, t' whatever department handles books 'bout animals. Ancient ones. Fluttershy can't afford every volume." And shouldn't have been paying for half the ones she did get, not with the pegasus' fragile financial state. "Maybe there's some really old book stuck in the stacks that's got what we need. Ah know there ain't gonna be one in our library -- Fluttershy's pretty much the animal annex. But if we ask somepony with more books than we'll ever have --" presuming the town budget continued to keep Twilight under some degree of control "-- we might get lucky. Can y'do that for me, Spike? Somethin' askin' for anythin' an' everythin' anypony might know 'bout Crystal Geese, shipped out by air carriage for an emergency? Please?"

He smiled, nodded, got a scroll out and began to write.

Applejack tried to let that make her feel better. It didn't. "Jus' brace yourselves, everypony... it ain't gonna be pretty out there..." Although it might be warmer, because she could still feel that familiar chill settling into her bones...

"'Airasprites'," Pinkie read. "Hey, wait... 'airasprites'?"

Pages fluttered. Legs galloped. The front doors opened.

"Pinkie?"

The front doors closed.

"Aw, Pinkie -- okay, now we've really gotta get out there."

"Maybe she's just had an idea?" Rarity hopefully proposed. "It wouldn't be the first time."

"Yeah," Applejack agreed as she pushed herself upright again. "But they ain't always good ones..."

Next Chapter: The Amstiverous Glamgewhorter Estimated time remaining: 1 Hour, 37 Minutes
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