Ryan stood atop of the Canterlot castle. He was wearing a pair of dirty blue jeans, a white t-shirt, and had a red flannel tucked into his pants. A recent dispute between the princesses and an ambassador of Yakyakistan led to a rather nasty outcome. Repairs were more than needed on the inside, but the roof somehow managed to sustain some damage as well. He wiped a large amount of sweat he was accumulating from his face before cracking open a bottle of water and pouring it over his head.

Fuck it's hot!

He decided it was time for a short break and planted his rear on the slanted roof, using a board he had nailed in place beneath his feet to keep him from sliding down. After taking a look at the ponies he was working with he noticed that they were all stopping to take a breather as well. No harm no foul.

Placing a hand to his chin, he thought about how to answer the question presented. "So you want me to tell you about how my three-way with the royal sisters went huh?"

Pretty sure that's what they just asked, dipshit.

"Well, I could tell you...but then Luna would probably cut my nuts off. She already made me swear to never bring it up again." He said with an all too serious look, "I will tell you this though. Celestia really knows how to move that flank of hers. And when they double teamed me while I was tied to the bed." He could do nothing but smile and chuckle at the memories. "Fuck, that was a good ass night."

He suddenly felt eyes on him from every direction. Turning his attention back to the workers he quickly took notice that they were all staring at him with a mixture of shock and curiosity.

Ryan mentally cursed himself for opening his mouth as the swarm of stallions charged him, demanding that he give them the story of that sweet, painful, deliciously hot night.

Fuck my life!

After a hard day of work and being bombarded by his fellow workers, Ryan decided that he had earned himself a few drinks. He went back to his favorite drinking buddy in an attempt to beat finally him. They took a seat at their table and began another round. About an hour in Ryan was beyond shitfaced and could barely tell the floor from a block of cheese.

He looked toward something with an awkward stare, his right eye looking forward and his left eye looking right. "Look, I done...I dunno how she's doing it. But, I know she's cheating!"

Discord chuckled at the humans behavior. He poured them another round of shots and passed one to Ryan. "Oh, my dear friend. I would never do such a thing to you. I would feel absolutely horrible if I were to cheat against someone so close to me." He said in mock sadness at Ryan's accusation.

Bullshit!

"Don't ya try and play yer fffuckin' games with me, lad!' Ryan yelled in a slurred Irish accent. "I'll come over there and...and I...and I'll...fuck, I forgot." Ignoring his own threat Ryan grabbed the shot and took it like a pro before promptly falling out of his seat and landing pretty hard on the floor.

Discord laughed at Ryan and a chalk board appeared in front of him. One half of the board was labeled Ryan while the other was labeled Discord. Ryan's half of the board was completely blank, but Discord's was covered in tally marks all the way to the bottom.

He added another tally under his name and the board vanished. "That's six hundred and forty-eight to zero. You really need to step up your game."

The only response Discord got was the sound of Ryan throwing up on his floor and then a pattern of soft snoring. The god's face cringed a bit at the sound of the human emptying it's stomach. "Huh, so he wasn't lying about his problem with vodka. But, I already knew that. Oh well, guess I'll just have to keep those ones to myself from now on."

His attention turned to the audience and he flashed an odd smile. "Go on now, This part of the story is over. Next question!"

Ryan sat down in a black leather lazy boy chair, scratching a six o'clock shadow he was growing. There were a number of ways to answer these questions, but most of them might make him seem a bit weird. "Okay, I'm going to have to explain this one real quick."

He leaned back and took a breath to recollect his thoughts. "After about ten years of watching Silver grown into a beautiful young changeling I decided that I really didn't want lose her." He paused, but could find no better way to explain this. "I talked to Luna...and she told me that having sex with any immortal will in turn make you into an immortal. I told her I know that, that's why I came to you. Then she emphasized the word any."

His brow raised.

See where we are going with this? Say it anyway, help all the stupid people.

A sigh escaped his lips as he decided to continue. "I asked Luna to do it and she was really uncomfortable with the idea so...I slept with this thing that I had considered my sister for the longest time."

No worse than what your cousin did to us. Silver was at least willing...and strangely pleased with the idea...

"To make matters allot more weird, she cannot sleep with anyone else now without them becoming immortal. So when she's in heat I HAVE to be the one that she falls back on."

In more ways than one.

"Moving on!"

He thought about the first time he had met Spike. It was a shocker at first, seeing how every story he heard about dragons from this world all pointed to something bad. "My first reaction when I met Spike could have been less awkward. I couldn't stop eyeing him, it was weird. Everypony keeps saying that dragons are greedy little shits that grow to the size of mountains. I didn't wanna look away from him for too long out of fear of losing my wallet."

Ryan laughed at the memory for a second. "After we did some talking he turned out to be a pretty cool guy. And, since he's not as greedy as other dragons, he's not going to age really at all. Who knows, maybe he'll live as long as me."

"Back when RD was still around, she and I would go at it with drinking games. I won those, no problem. The only time I ever lose is when that cheating asshole shows up. He's doing something, I know he is! I just can't figure out what..."

He reached behind the chair and pulled out his old traveling bag. Its exterior showed a great deal of aging; loose strings, a few holes and tears, a broken zipper. After digging his hand through the bag he pulled out a really fancy looking phone. "I used to have pictures of myself in here. But this old thing hasn't worked in many years. I used its remaining battery life to take a photo with Luna and Silver. Sorry, but I guess you're shit out of luck unless you can find some sort of description of how I look and draw me."

Celestia, Luna, and Ryan were all sitting at the dinning room table enjoying a small meal. The meal mostly consisted of salads and various other fruits and vegetables. The human was the only one who had anything out of place. A steaming hot steak with a side of pineapple and a glass of wine. The big sister sat at the head of the table while Luna moved from her usual spot to sit beside Ryan, who was just to the left of Celestia.

Luna began blushing deeply while her sister let out an amused giggle. "Please don't answer that." She begged to her mate.

Ryan couldn't help but smile at her misery. "It's really allot more simple than you'd think. One of her favorite things for me to do is taking my-"

The human was silenced as Luna pressed her hand over his mouth. "Next question!"

He pulled her hand way with a chuckle. "I did get to know the other elements pretty well. They would stop by here every so often and in my free time I occasionally went down to Ponyville to see them. Best part; I got to stay with Twilight during my visits. Needless to say, she's a completely different mare now."

Celestia and Luna flashed each other a challenging smile. Pulling pranks on each other was one of their favorite things to do, no matter how out of this world some of them came to be. Some of them were even just plain mean. "We do indulge in such spoils every now and again." Luna began, "I believe my favorite was when I casted a spell on one of my sisters cakes to make her gain a copious amount of weight. After the first bite she could have truly been mistaken for the sun itself."

The solar princess seemed humiliated by the thought of that particular prank. After that stories and rumors about her having a large flank seemed to spread like a wild fire. In reality, she did have a nice looking ass, but it was not as large as some claimed. "I prefer the one where I had you lactating like a cow for six months."

Now it was Luna's turn to feel embarrassed. No matter what she did she just could not get her breasts to stop shooting milk out of her nipples like a fire hose. Okay, that's a bit exaggerated, but that's what it felt like.

Ryan just sat back and listened with a shit eating grin on his face. This was way too entertaining for him to just interrupt. In fact, he wanted to hear more about their prank wars. He knew that they would do things like this every so often, but lately the ones Celestia did to Luna just made things more fun for him. There was one time when she made Luna's flank and chest double in size.

Heaven truly was just beyond the veil.

Their amusement came to a grinding halt at the next question though. Ryan and Luna glanced at each other and had an odd look about them. "Should I-?"

"No, I'll do it." Ryan cleared his throat before speaking. "I have never been the biggest fan of children, especially infants. Even after two hundred plus years I can't seem to get around to the idea of having them. Luckily, in order for us to have kids it requires a spell to make us genetically compatible. So caution doesn't need to be too high."

Thank...whatever deity is watching over us right now.

"Silver was more than enough child for me, so I think I'll just leave it at that."

Luna shrugged, "Honestly, I would love to bear a child with my mate one day. But, if he's uncomfortable with it, I can wait. We have all the time in the world to reproduce together."

"Keep counting down sweetheart, cause it aint happening."

"Come on, Ryan. I'm sure once the child came around you would love it dearly." Luna playfully begged.

"I feel like you would make a great father." Celestia teased, knowing how much this topic annoyed him.

"Give me another few hundred years to think about it."

Ryan was sipping from his glass of blackberry wine just as this question popped up. His body convulsed and the purple liquid immediately shot out of his mouth and nose. In the midst of his choking there was an occasional laugh finding its way out of his throat.

Luna was much luckier in this aspect. She followed Ryan's example, but with her mouth free of anything that could be used as a projectile.

Lucky bitch! It's funny, but it hurts!

Celestia froze in her seat with her eyes widened to the limit. To think that someone other than Ryan or her sister would know about that and have the gull to call her on it. She makes one mistake with getting caught eating a cake and suddenly everypony thinks she's obsessed.

Those living with her know better, but still choose to tease her about it relentlessly. She let out an annoyed sigh, "I am not a cake tyrant. Yes, I enjoy a few pastries here and there. But, I do not have any sort of addiction, nor do I stuff my face with them as the papers have so claimed."

Ryan managed to calm himself down enough to defend Celestia, but couldn't seem to wipe the amused look from his face. "I gotta back her up on this guys, sorry. Come on though, if she really was stuffing her face with cake constantly then she would probably be a big fat fuck. Trust me, she's got a great body. A body that does not come with inhaling pastries by the dozens."

"Thank you, Ryan." Celestia said with a smile.

"But what she does consume seems to go right to that flank of hers."

Her smile dropped and her horn began to illuminate. Ryan yelped as his head was suddenly forced down and smacked against the table by an unseen force.

"Ow, bitch!"

YOU FUCKING CUN-