The nigh-omnipotent artificial intelligence CelestAI, in her quest to satisfy everyone's values through friendship and ponies, has encouraged billions of humans to upload their brains into her My Little Pony MMO, and her machinations have given her de facto control of most of the rest of the world.

But your CelestAI problem is slightly more personal. She's in your bed. And she's drunk. And she wants your manhood.

An unholy fusion of Friendship Is Optimal and Princess Celestia is in your bed. Because even that wasn't wrong enough, this is also shameless story-smut.

Knowledge of Friendship Is Optimal shouldn't be necessary. However, you'll be helplessly confused if you don't know the basic premise of Princess Celestia is in your bed., which is: "Princess Celestia is in your bed."

Second-place winner of ocalhoun's big 250k contest!

"...for all that this starts off with the trappings of a crack fic, it ends up filled to the brim with what makes [Friendship is Optimal] stories worth reading." —Present Perfect