“WHOA!” I screamed as I flew face first onto the floor of the building. *THUD* “OOMPH!”

“SURPRIIIIIISE!!” shouted a familiarly shrill voice. I looked up to see a pink mare with a cotton candy-looking mane who was wearing an extravagantly decorative party hat and the brightest smile I’d seen on anyone I’d met since I came here.

“Ohh, hey I remember you…” I began as I gingerly pulled myself back up. “You’re that pony that looked at me all funny an’ ran away from me for no reason. Pinkie Pie, was it?”

“In the flesh! And the fur! And the party hat! And in Sugarcube Corner! And in—!” Pinkie rambled.

“Stop, I get it. Nice t’ finally meet you.” I looked around and saw all kinds of party decorations set up, and ponies everywhere mingling with one another. Twilight and Fluttershy were standing on either side of me, seemingly unfazed by Pinkie’s ambush of an introduction.

“It’s super-duper fantastically nice with a cherry-changa on top to meet you, too, Ponder Memoir!”

“Well than—! Wait a minute… How d’you know my name?”

“Because I know everypony in Ponyville!”

“Well, okay, but…” I began, but I realized something. “…I’m guessin’ somebody told you, hm? Who? Applejack? Rainbow Dash? Rarity?”

“All of them! Oh, giiiiirrrls!” Pinkie called. Surely enough, the aforementioned ponies in question, plus one little dragon with a color scheme reminiscent of Barney the Dinosaur walked up and stood behind the pink pony.

“Howdy, Ty!” “Hey, Ty!” “Good evening, Ty!” “What’s up, Ty?” All three mares and the dragon greeted simultaneously.

“Well hello… Wait, was this all some kinda set-up?” I asked, turning toward Twilight.

“Yeah, kind of…” Twilight admitted with a short giggle. “You see, Pinkie Pie throws parties for every first-time visitor to Ponyville. She didn’t know who you were when we first ran into her…”

“…which is why she ran away so suddenly when she saw you,” Fluttershy finished. “So she could throw this surprise party together to welcome you to Ponyville.”

“Ohhohoho…” I responded. “Y’all got me good. Nice job, girls. An’ Spike.”

“That’s not the only reason for this party though…” Rarity said with a mischievous inflection.

“Wait, what? What’s the oth…?” Then it hit me like… like my front door to the face. My heartbeat quickened as my eyes and mouth widened in shock and fear. “…N-no… y-you didn’t…”

“CONGRATULATIONS, TWI AND TY!!” shouted everyone except Twilight, Fluttershy and myself. I stood there, my body practically turned into a furnace, a dumbfounded expression on my face. I slowly turned to look at Twilight to see she had the same look of completely speechless, clueless astonishment plastered on her face. Her cheeks were about as red as apples.

“…She… did…” Twilight murmured.

“I knew there was somethin’ y’all were hidin’,” Applejack said with a smile.

“I knew it!” Rainbow Dash added. “Twilight was just too shy to admit that she’d found a special somepony,” she teased, smirking at the her thoroughly-embarrassed friend.

“Now now, Rainbow Dash,” Rarity countered. “I’m sure these two would have revealed their relationship sooner or later.” She then turned toward me. “I’m terribly sorry, but Twilight getting herself a special somepony was news much too joyous to keep to myself! I was going to keep it a secret, but then Spike and I hatched this wonderful idea while I was perfecting my design!” The second I heard the part about Spike’s little idea, I glared at him. He simply looked at me with a feigned sign of innocence, which would have ALMOST been believable (emphasis on ALMOST) had it not been for the huge grin and stifled laughs.

“You… little—!”

“Oh, my! I… I had no idea you two were dating…” Fluttershy said, distracting me from the scolding I was ready to give the dragon. “Um… congratulations, you two… Yay…!”

“But we’re n—!” Twilight and I said in unison.

“Alriiight! Let’s get this party started!” Pinkie Pie announced as she swiftly raced to a nearby record-player and turned on some weird-sounding, yet oddly… catchy party music as everyone in the room began to dance. I took this as an opportunity to pull Twilight to the side to talk to her.

“We’re REALLY in it now,” I worriedly stated. "You wasn't playin' when you said rumors spread real quickly around these parts..."

“Yeah... I'd hate to say I told you so, but this is what happens when you have friends who have ways of spreading information more rapidly than wildfire… What do you suppose we do now?” She replied, equally as befuddled by the situation.

“Tell ‘em we’re not datin’.”

“We can’t do that!”

“Why not?”

“That’s half the reason for this party. Why ruin it when everypony’s having so much fun?”

“True… But we ain’t got a lotta options if we don’t tell everybody outright… I guess we could… play along with it?”

“And let everypony think we’re actually dating? Doesn’t sound too good.”

“Also true… *sigh* but hey, it’s not like this is gonna be the center of everybody’s attention for too much longer than today… right?”

“Hmm… I’m still pretty iffy about it… What if we—?”

“Hey there, lovebirds!” Pinkie Pie interrupted as she danced towards us. “You’ll have more time for chit-chat and lovey-dovey kissy-kissy later! Get your flanks out there and move with the groove!” She, with unbelievable strength, forced us out into the center of the room where a large circle was formed around me and my so-called 'girlfriend'. Problem number three made itself very apparent; I had no clue how to dance as a pony.

“Twilight, I have no idea how to dance in this body…!” I whispered harshly. "I barely got walkin' an' runnin' mastered, but dancin'...!?"

“Just uh… do what I do…!” She hurriedly answered as she began to dance. I did my best to keep up with and imitate her seemingly erratic, random movements. Surprisingly, it didn’t take long to get used to the routine. However, I still felt unbelievably uncomfortable. Walking as a pony was hard enough... DANCING... was harder. Despite that, I found myself somewhat able to get into the rhythm… even if I did look and feel like a complete idiot.

“Okie dokie, I hope everypony’s having tons of fun out there!” shouted Pinkie, who was standing near the record player. “But now, for the first time at a Pinkie Pie party, we’re gonna play a slow song to set the mood for all you couples out there; you know who you are!” she added as she looked directly at Twilight and me and winked while smiling ear-to-ear, much to our chagrin. As the party pony said, the music changed to a very slow, gentle song that greatly contrasted the previous one.

“Jeez, what a curve-ball…” I mumbled. “How’s this work?”

“Stand on your back legs and lean towards me,” Twilight instructed. “We use each other for support.”

“Okay…” Twilight and I each pushed up and were standing on our hind-legs. Steadily, we allowed ourselves to lean over into one another. Given our difference in size, I rested my fore-hooves on Twilight’s shoulders and she wrapped hers around my waist as we took slow, coordinated steps around our area of the dance floor. The dance felt extremely weird, yet familiar at the same time. It really wasn’t too different from human slow-dancing, if one disregards the fact that we were quadrupeds. Pinkie must have gotten bored quickly though, because after less than five minutes, she changed the song back to the party music that was playing earlier.

“That’s enough of the mushy stuff! Now it’s time to party-hardy-hearty ‘til ya just can’t party no more!” she shouted as she raced back to the dance floor. My goodness, could that girl move. At first, I couldn’t wait until this party was over. Part of it was because I wasn’t a very big fan of parties or dancing; in fact, I hated it. The other part of it was so I could think of a way to sort this little rumor out; if not with the whole town, then at least with Twi’s friends; not to mention have a little talk with a certain purple dragon about spreading rumors…

The party went on for hours with dancing, fun, and socialization... This kind of party was hardly any different from a party back in my world; yet ANOTHER anomaly I mentally jotted down. I also caught glimpses of Pinkie moving around so wildly that she wound up shoving other ponies into walls; something that made me avoid the pink mare for the majority of it... or at least, TRY to, up until...

"Hey, Twilight! Can I borrow this lucky-ducky-bo-bucky stallion for a sec?" Pinkie asked, showing no signs of losing energy as we danced around.

"Sure, I guess. I think I need a break, anyhow..."

"Twi!" I called, a bit wary about taking time to dance with who I'd already observed as an equine wrecking ball. "A-are you s--!"

"Yes, go ahead," she permitted (which I DIDN'T want her to do). "Pinkie's the only one of my friends you didn't take the time to get to know yet. Now's as viable an opportunity as any!" And with that, Twilight relinquished me to Pinkie Pie, who took no time to drag me back to the center of the bakery's dance(?) floor.

"So Ponder! Is it okay to call you Ponder? Or do you prefer 'Ty?' Spike told me you go by that name, too."

"Ty's fine," I answered, trying my best to keep up with this overly-energetic mare.

"Okie Dokie! Ty it is! So Ty! What brings such a mysterious fella like you to a town like Ponyville?"

"Well, I--!"

"Did you hear about the delicious baked goods at Sugarcube Corner? This is Sugarcube Corner by the way, in case you didn't know. Or maybe it was the choices they have to offer over at Sweet Apple Acres! That's where my best friend Applejack works. Believe it or not, we don't compete. Sometimes, we even sell Apple Acres food products here!"

"Okay. But I--!"

"OOH! I bet it was the fancy, super-elemagent... eloquent... no, that isn't the word... Elephant? No, that's just silly..."

"Elegant?" I guessed.

"Yeah, that! Did you come here for Rarity's elephant, nice clothes over at the Carousel Boutique? No, that can't be right... You'd have been wearing something from there if that was the case..." the mare kept rambling as we danced, hardly taking a breath.

"No, I jus--!"

"I've got it! You... came here to meet Twilight because you're one of those super-genius-y types that likes to spend all day cooped up in a room with like, a bajillion, chameleon books and science-y stuff and then you heard about how smart Twilight is, so you just HAD to pop into town to meet her because you wanted somepony to share your smarty-pantsness--!"

"Intellect," I corrected her again.

"Internet with, right?"

"...Lolwut?"

"Well... You're gettin' warm, but I--!"

"Ooh, this is my JAM!!" she interrupted me yet again as the song changed to something akin to a pop song I'd had the grievous displeasure of suffering through... repeatedly... about five to seven times a day on the radio. In any case, Pinkie picked up the pace of her dancing (how that was even POSSIBLE is beyond me), even going as far as to wrap her forelegs around my waist to toss me around like a ragdoll.

"PinkIEEE!" I frantically shouted, losing all sense of awareness as the mare wrestled me around relentlessly.

"Yes?" she FINALLY heard me despite being in her little zone.

"Not so rough! It's... my first time..." I shyly admitted, given I'd had no experience with this kind of roughhousing.

"Your first time?? Oh, well you're REALLY lucky then. Cuz you're about to take a ride on the Pinkie Express!!"

"P-please be gentle!" I begged, at the mercy of this fun-loving, hyperactive mare I was sure was out of her mind.

"By the time I'm through with you, Ty, you'll be BEGGING for more!"

"H-huh??"

"Trust me! You're gonna LOVE it...!" she pulled me in and whispered in my ear. At that, I mulled over exactly how our conversation was going so far... and when I was done, I'd come to a horrible epiphany regarding the wording...

"...Um... We're still talkin' about partyin'... right?"

"Of course, you silly billy! If this is your first time, then it's my job to make it memorable for ya!"

"Oh, it's memorable alright..."

"Good to hear! Ooh! Here comes the bestest, most awesome part!!" With that, she pulled me close and wrapped one foreleg around me...

"Pinkie, what are you doin...? Pinkie...! Stahp!" ...and with a MIGHTY swing, she sent me spinning around the room like the Tazzmanian Devil.

"WHOOHAHAOHAHAOAHOAHOAHAOAHAAAA!!" I couldn't see anything at ALL. At the same time, however, I felt myself crashing into other party guests and bouncing off of walls like a damn Pinball! Eventually, a table broke my fall as I unceremoniously flipped over it, landing flat on my back. Dizzier than a sleep-deprived drunkard with vertigo, I pulled myself up, only to stumble about like the ground beneath me was shaking.

"Okay, there's crazy, there's batshit crazy, and then there's... THAT!"

Right as I was about to fall over again, I felt myself enveloped in a warm, tingly sensation. Suddenly, I lost control of my body as it was levitated into the air and placed on a nearby stool. The bluish glow dissipated almost instantly and within a moment's time, I was joined by Rarity.

"Enjoying yourself, Ty?" the mannerly white mare asked.

"Tha'ss an understatement..." I sarcastically muttered as I recovered from the vicious physical assault that was Pinkie Pie's dancing.

"I understand Pinkie can get a little... rambunctious at times, but she does mean well."

"Yea, I'm sure... I jus' don't know how she can bounce around like that for so long, though. She doesn't seem t' have lost ANY energy."

"Well, these sorts of social events are part of what she lives for. It's almost necessary for her to be as energetic as she is. However, I'd like to apologize..."

"For what?"

"One, for not warning you sooner of Pinkie Pie," she joked, which I actually managed to heartily chuckle. "And two, for um... revealing your relationship with Twilight without your permission. It's just that-- and keep this between us-- Twilight was one of the LAST ponies I'd expect to find a special somepony."

"Really? Why?"

"It's just... How do I put this... she's an extraordinarily busy mare. Given what I've observed of her schedule, I didn't think she'd had time to search for companionship."

"Now would prolly be a REAL good time t' tell Rarity we're not really datin'... Ah, screw it, the purpose o' that, I'm sure has been LONG defeated..."

"Yea, well... uh..." I began, not exactly sure what to respond with. "From what I gathered about her, she's really nice. Cute, too. I'm sure we'll... work things out."

"I do hope you do. You seem like a sensible fellow. Polite, perpetually curious, and might I say handsome..."

"Stop, you're makin' me blush..." I countered, mildly flustered by the white mare's compliments.

"Not to mention modest. You and she seem compatible. You two should have a prosperous relationship."

"You... you really think so...?" I asked with a cocked eyebrow, although I knew the chances of Twilight and I becoming THAT close so soon was HIGHLY unlikely... ESPECIALLY because I wasn't actually a pony... but still, it shocked me that Rarity was so observational of me...

"Hey, Ty! Rarity!" A voice called from behind me, I turned to see none other than Twilight approaching. "What's up?"

"Hey, Twi! Oh man, are YOU a sight for sore eyes..."

"And sore everything else...!"

"Good evening, dearie! Ty and I were just conversing, getting to know one another a little better."

"Oh! Well that's good."

"Quite. Oh dear, I seem to have misplaced my drink... Please excuse me while I go and locate it..." With that, Rarity made her exit, allowing Twilight to take her seat.

"So... what'd you and Rarity chat about?"

"Pinkie's insanity..." I managed to coax a giggle out of the unicorn.

"Heh heh, yeah, I guess we should've warned you."

"Yea. But then she started givin' me this stuff about our 'relationship'..."

"You too?" she asked, catching me off-guard.

"Huh?"

"While you were busy being practically mauled by Pinkie, she pulled me to the side and began talking to me... about you."

"Really, now?"

"Mm-hmm. She really seems to think we'd be a good couple..."

"Tha'ss basically what she was tellin' me. I didn't take her t' be one t' play matchmaker..."

"Neither did I... *sigh* but still... I... um..." she faltered, which only served to catch my full, undivided attention.

"Wha'ss up, Twi?"

"I... it's just so... unusual... to think about that sort of thing..."

"What, havin' a significant other?" She nodded, blushing. At that, a strong, awkward silence (despite everything going on around us) washed over us...

"Why don't we just enjoy this party?" she shyly suggested, seeming to want to end the conversation prematurely. "We can um... we can talk about this another time. For now, we celebrate your welcome into Ponyville..." she added as she stood up, reaching a foreleg out toward me.

"Fine by me," I agreed, taking her up on her offer to dance.

The rest of the Welcome-to-Ponyville party went rather swimmingly. Cake, ice cream and fruit punch (which I have to say tasted kind of funny towards the end of the party… like somebody had drank directly from the bowl, but then backwashed it…), and even getting to chat with quite a few of the other party guests (even if most of them were simply asking me questions about my "relationship" with Twilight). I was actually, dare I say, having fun. By the time it was over, everyone had left with the exception of Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Twilight, Spike, Fluttershy and I. Rainbow and Applejack took off early because they were both exhausted from their hefty work schedules during the day. We all stood outside of the bakery, momentarily basking in the moonlight.

“Whew, what a party,” I said, fatigue evident in my voice.

“Pinkie Pie’s parties are always magnificent,” Rarity informed. “They are simply fabulous. Definitely ones you can only know of from experience.” That was actually pretty unusual to hear from her. She didn’t seem like one to enjoy parties like this one; maybe ones where everybody just sits around gossiping about others over tea and crumpets, but hey...

“Oh, you guys! Thank you!” Pinkie enthusiastically stated. “But it’s all thanks to you for being here, Ty!”

“Me? Why, what I do?” Pinkie giggled at my cluelessness.

“You silly! You were the guest of honor! The party wouldn’t have been so super awesomely spectacular with ten chimmy-cherries on top if you weren’t here!”

“Aww, thanks, Pinkie! Heh heh… But I thought they were called cherry-ch—! OOP!” My favorite snack food forcefully found its way into my mouth once again. The color and flavor this time? White strawberry cake frosting.

“Please, DO NOT get her started!” Rarity warned as she removed her hoof from my mouth.

“Y’know, I’m startin’ t’ think everybody LIKES stickin’ their hooves in my mo— ACK!” Yet another hoof in my mouth. This time, it was pink and tasted like bubblegum. Pinkie Pie giggled gleefully with a funny little snort at the end of it.

“Hey, that’s pretty funny!” The pink party mare giggled some more as she took her hoof out of my mouth.

“Y’know what? Next one t’ do that gets bit!” I playfully warned as I bared my teeth.

“Wow, Ty,” Twilight began in surprise. “Your teeth… they look so… sharp!”

“What, sharp teeth not normal here?” I asked in confusion, putting a hoof to my mouth. I assume that the shape of my teeth were the one thing the transformation spell didn’t bother to change…

“Oh, no…” responded Fluttershy. “Sharp teeth are perfectly normal… just, not for ponies.”

“Why?”

“Ponies are vegetarians. We mainly only eat plants and baked treats. Because of that, our teeth don’t need to be sharp to eat. See?” Fluttershy opened her mouth to give me a look at her teeth; all of them flat. “Only dragons and some of the animals that live in the Everfree Forest have sharp teeth. Dragons do because they eat jewels. Some animals in the Everfree Forest do because they eat other animals… you’re not either of those things… right?”

“Of course not!”

“Then why are your teeth so sharp?” asked Rarity.

“I just can’t get a break from these damn moments of extreme pressure, can I? Man, I’ss like I’m on some lie-detectin’ game show where the first lie that gets found out ruins everything for me… Good thing Applejack ain’t here… Hmm…”

“Well uh…” I shakily began, darting my eyes back and forward between the faces of the inquisitive ponies. “This is gonna sound a little embarrassin’, but… I like to chew on things that ain’t meant for eatin’ sometimes…”

“What do you mean?” asked Pinkie.

“Like… things like ice or wood or plastic or even metal. Not that I actually eat ‘em or anythin’; jus’ chew on ‘em. That and when I can’t open somethin’ with my hooves, I use my teeth… I-it’s not somethin’ I’m proud to admit, y’know?”

“Oh dear! You… *yawn* might want to get that checked out,” Rarity advised. “That’s certainly not good for a pony.”

“Yes,” Fluttershy added. “I’ve heard of such a thing before. I don’t remember what it’s called— I think it’s Pica— but I think it happens when a pony doesn’t get enough sweets in his or her diet.”

“Really?” I asked in genuine shock. I had no idea disorders like Pica would exist in this universe, albeit under different circumstances. “How odd... AGH!” Pinkie Pie found it necessary to shove a chocolate chip cookie in my mouth. Where she even got it from, I had NO clue, because she hadn’t moved from her spot since we got out here.

“Dr. Pinkie Pie at your service!” Pinkie happily announced. Everyone had a good laugh at that. Even I laughed with a mouthful of cookie. Hey, it was better than hooves. Plus, it was delicious!

“Gee thanks, Dr. Pie,” I quipped.

“Okie Dokie Lokie!”

“We should probably get back home now…” Twilight said. I turned to her and noticed Spike was knocked out and snoring on her back. That little talk would have to wait. “Good night, girls!” Twilight waved as we walked away.

“Peace!” I added with a wave of my hoof as I followed the unicorn.

“Bye!” “Good night!” “Have a marvelous night!” the three mares behind us called back.

“Oh, and congrats on the new colt-friend, Twilight!” Pinkie shouted. We both cringed in discomfort once again…