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A Teatime Visit

by Esle Ynopemos

Chapter 5: Too Much Time on Her Hooves

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A Few Days Later

A room above Sugarcube Corner was, in many ways, the perfect place for Pinkie Pie to live. For one thing, it was convenient to live under the same roof she worked under. She didn't mind commuting, but it was handy to be able to just trot down the stairs and throw on an apron some days.

For another thing, it was a bakery. Smells of cinnamon and sugar and fresh pastries drifted up to her room at all hours of the day. Some ponies had remarked on Pinkie's appetite for sweets, but really anypony would develop a sweet-tooth living in that kind of environment. Pinkie probably spent about half of every paycheck to take advantage of her employee discount on the baked goods she sold, and to her mind, it was bits well-spent.

The Corner's central location in Ponyville also meant that Pinkie was never more than a hop, skip and a short canter from all of her friends. Given that her list of friends included everypony in town, that kind of proximity was not so much a convenience as a necessity.

There were some disadvantages, of course. Living with one's employers meant she had to keep it down at times. Her more impromptu parties were always held somewhere other than the bakery; she had promised to always get permission from the Cakes several days ahead of time if a party was to be held at Sugarcube Corner, so that they had the time to properly reinforce the sound-proofing in the place.

But today, even that was an advantage, as the sound-proofing secured against eavesdroppers as she conspired with her friends up in her room.

“She needs to be stopped!” Rainbow Dash pounded a hoof on Pinkie's bed, which, being soft and springy, made her hoof bounce and thus made the gesture less effective than it was intended to be. “Twilight's pranks are getting way out of hoof!”

Pinkie Pie held Gummy in her forelegs and giggled. “I don't know, I thought it was pretty funny. Berries turning her into a princess... hehe!”

“Yeah, okay, it was funny,” Rainbow conceded, “but that's not the point! The point is that we're supposed to be Ponyville's big pranksters! We can't have some egghead constantly showing us up! It's humiliating!”

The third occupant of the room spoke up. “I agree with Rainbow Dash, darling. Twilight is growing too bold. She needs a taste of her own medicine.” Rarity tossed a lock of her mane aside.

Rainbow Dash narrowed her eyes. “Why are you here, anyway? You helped her pull off the last one!”

“And I have been the victim of her jokes twice as many times as you two have,” Rarity shot back. “Once on a bet she made with you, as I understand.”

Pinkie rubbed her hoof absently over Gummy's head. The little alligator stared vacantly. “So what are the three of us gonna do?” she asked. “I'm all for playing a funny joke on a friend, but Twilight's really smart. Ever since she learned that time-travel spell, all she's had to do if somepony tries to pull something on her is go back in time and make it so that the joke's on them!”

A sly grin spread across Rarity's face. “I think I have an idea, but we're going to need to call in some help. I need the two of you to head for Canterlot...”

*-*-*

Twilight Sparkle rested comfortably in her bed, engaging in her most favorite of activities, reading. There was still enough evening light to read by, but she had already lit her firefly lamp preemptively—she planned to keep reading well after dark. A copy of Moral Code's The Ethics of Time-Travel lay between her hooves.

...and so, while the primary concern among many scholars is that use of time spells has the potential to cause some kind of universe-swallowing logical paradox, I would point out that if it were possible for time-travel to cause the universe to implode, the universe would have already imploded. Since the universe remains fully ploded, the natural conclusion is that it is actually impossible to create universe-ending paradoxes.

Allowing, of course, for some minor iterative noise, any use of time spells invariably will result in a stable time-loop, even if for some reason the caster actively attempts to break the chain of cause and effect. In fact, in recorded cases of time-travel, attempts to change the past have been, at a disturbing frequency, met with such dramatic failure that they ironically create the very conditions they were trying to change.

Uncomfortable questions about fate and free will aside, this means that time spells are significantly less useful for any practical purposes than you would initially think. You cannot, for example, go back to stop the Great Pasture War, nor can you in any useful capacity smuggle advanced technology from the future to reverse-engineer it.

But the upside is that there really isn't such a thing as reckless use of time-travel. No permanent harm can ever come from it, at least not that wasn't already going to happen anyway. This makes time spells—and I am certain my colleagues will balk to read this—the perfect thing with which to impress friends at parties.

Some recommended tricks to use for this purpose may include...

Twilight lost her place as a sudden gust of wind blew the page over. She reached to shut her window, but found that it was already closed.

The wind grew stronger, whipping through her bedroom like a tornado. Books and parchment whirled through the air as magical energy filled the library with blinding light.

Zwip!

Twilight knew this drill well enough by now to shield her eyes. The brightness eventually faded, leaving the bedroom dark by comparison as her pupils struggled to readjust. As she expected, when her eyes cleared she faced herself—presumably her future self, since she did not remember traveling to today at any point in the past.

The Twilight of the present greeted her future self with a smile. “Hey. What've we got this time? Are Pinkie and Rainbow Dash up to something again?”

Future Twilight shook her head. “Not this time,” she said. “Listen, next Monday, you need to—whoa.” Her eyes widened as they passed over her past self's haunches. “Wow, I am really glad I decided to go on that diet after this!”

“What?!” Twilight's ears folded back. Did she just call herself fat?

Future Twilight waved her hoof. “Don't worry about that. That's not what I'm here about. Look, whatever you do, don't—” She was cut off as the room once again filled with wind and light.

Zwip!

“Don't listen to her, Twilight!” A third Twilight Sparkle stepped forward, magical energy still crackling in her mane. “Or... don't listen to me, uh, me?” She put a hoof on her chin as she debated the semantics.

The first future Twilight turned to the second. “But I was just going to tell her—”

“I know exactly what you were going to tell her,” said Future Twilight Number Two—or would it be more appropriate to call her Twilight Number Three? “It won't work. I know because I tried it.”

Present-day Twilight sat dumbfounded on her bed. “Um, girls? Or, me, I guess? What's going on?”

“But you already know that I'm going to tell her anyway,” argued Future Twilight Number One, “because if I didn't, then you would never have tried it! So what's the point in coming here to stop me?”

More wind. More light. Zwip!

A third Future Twilight appeared and put her hoof on Present Twilight's withers. “Good,” she said, leaning into Present Twilight conspiratorially. “Those two are arguing already. Listen to me carefully, me. Future you is going to tell you to do something. You need to nod and tell her you'll do it, and you'll need to fully intend to do it, too. But tomorrow, before you actually do do it, and this is the tricky part...”

Zwip!

“Aha!” Future Twilight Number... Twilight had lost count at this point, but some future version of her tackled the version that had taken her aside. “I thought I could be sneaky, but there's no way I could get something like this past me!”

Present Twilight chewed her lip nervously as her room continued to fill with more and more future instances of herself.

Zwip!

“Twilight! I... wait, which one of you is past-past me?”

“I actually came here from the past, but I think my memory gets erased after this, so that's why none of you remember me!”

Zwip!

“Twilight! Help me get this chocolate stain out! In the future, there is no stain-remover left!”

Zwip! Zwip!

“Oh, shoot, I forgot that was this night! Hey, past me, you're really gonna save yourself some time if you start filling a mop-bucket now. Not that I'll listen, of course.”

“Look, Twilight, wings! We get wings!”

It was uncharitable and mostly untrue to say that Twilight Sparkle's hold on sanity was only tentative at best. Considering the fact that a day in her life might include a deadly showdown against a mad god as easily as it might include a picnic, she could really be considered nearly unflappable. She prided herself on her ability to take new information and assimilate it into her worldview in a neat and orderly fashion, eventually. If there happened to be screaming and flailing and burning of villages in the meantime, well that happened, but eventually it would all fit.

But it would take a great deal of time for her to process this, and Twilight imagined a considerable amount of screaming and flailing would occur before she was done. It was best, she concluded, if she got started on it now.

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuughhhh!” Twilight Sparkle—presumably the one that had not arrived in the room by means of time-travel, galloped out of her room, out of the library, and ran about in the streets of Ponyville, wailing like a madmare.

The remaining purple unicorns, still overcrowding the small bedroom, ceased their chatter and glanced at one another. For a few minutes, they remained silent, apart from an occasional snicker or giggle, and waited.

Finally, a set of golden-shod white hooves appeared on the balcony of the library. Dozens of Twilight Sparkles bowed low as Princess Celestia landed and entered the room. Her ever-serene smile rested comfortably on her lips.

“You may change back now,” the princess said.

One by one, each of the Twilights flashed in a bright green light, revealing insectoid creatures with compound eyes and black carapaces. The library filled with the sound of gossamer wings buzzing as they stretched their legs and began quietly chatting amongst themselves.

“Congratulations,” Princess Celestia said, beaming at them. “You have all graduated from my Reform Course for Changelings.”

A wave of cheers rose from the changelings. Many exchanged hoof-bumps, or what passed for hoof-bumps among their kind.

“You are free to move about Equestria and seek love,” Celestia continued, “provided of course that you stay within the law and do not harm anypony. I would also appreciate it if you all kept in touch with me; a letter every month won't hurt, letting me know how well you are adjusting, and what you look like so that I will know one of my friends when I see you.”

The changelings cheered again. Many of them gave the Princess a proud salute, and a few came forward offering hugs, which Celestia accepted without hesitation.

Rarity crawled out of her hiding place among the branches of the library. Typically, she wouldn't have risked her mane against the leaves and tangled sticks, but she had to see the solar princess's infamous pranking streak for herself.

She stood on the balcony, blinking. “My goodness, your highness, I've heard the stories, but they truly do not do you justice!”

Celestia shook hooves with one of the changelings. “I have had a good deal of time to practice, that's all.”

Rarity nodded, and glanced nervously at the chitinous creatures celebrating their freedom. A few of them gathered in a corner, applauding excitedly as one of them cycled rapidly through the appearances of dozens of ponies. Rarity cleared her throat. “Not that I can argue with the results, but...” she lowered her voice, “changelings, your highness? Is it really safe to set them loose, just in exchange for their help with a prank?”

Princess Celestia smiled warmly. “These changelings have completed a course, which I have personally overseen, on how to find the love they need without hurting anyone. I have grown close with each of them over the last few months, and I trust them enough to... well, I trust them enough to put them all in a room with my most faithful student.” She bowed her head as another changeling came up to her and saluted. “They had all passed already before this, this little outing was more like one final hurrah before they set off. You needn't be concerned, Rarity.”

“Oh. Okay.” Rarity did not sound entirely convinced. “It's just, that one over there doesn't seem to be having such a great time.” She pointed her hoof to a purple unicorn sitting wide-eyed on the edge of the bed, her mouth hanging open as she looked around at the insectoid creatures milling about the room. “She still hasn't even changed back out of her disguise yet.”

The one that still looked like Twilight Sparkle worked her jaw. “Ch-changelings?” she finally said at length. “They were all changelings this whole time?? I was about to cast this spell twenty times in a row to preserve the space-time continuum!” Magic arced through her mane, and in a sudden poof she was whisked away back into the future.

Celestia grinned sheepishly. “Oh dear,” she said. “I imagine I will be receiving a letter from a rather upset faithful student at some point in the future.”

Rarity covered a giggle with her hoof. “Something to look forward to, I suppose.”

Author's Notes:

...And, with the arrival of the Royal Troll herself, this chapter brings A Teatime Visit to a close. For now, anyway. I'm not ruling out the possibility of other chapters sometime in the future, if I happen to think of something. But as of now, the story is marked Complete and I will be moving on to other projects.

Thank you, everyone that has been reading and supporting this story. I am thrilled that this has received so much attention, and I'm pleased that you folks seem to enjoy it.

I'm going to be looking for editors to help me clean this whole story up and get it ready to submit to Equestria Daily. If you are or know a good editor that might be willing to help, I'd appreciate it.

Again, thanks!

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