Dandy’s eyes are narrowed and relaxed, accompanied by a gentle smile.

“Would Princess Cadence of the Crystal Empire please approach the throne?” Cadence takes in a small breath and climbs out of the pews. Dandy doesn’t waste any time the moment she takes her seat.

“Princess Cadence, may I ask for your general opinion of the Taraskans as a whole?” Cadence’s eyes glance towards the ceiling for a few moments as she thinks.

“Well there is no doubt we have relied heavily on them in every battle. However, I’ve seen...things that have made me nervous.” Dandy purses his lips, widens his eyes and nods a few times as he looks across the floor.

“Would you mind elaborating?” Cadence swallows and her eyes dart to me briefly.

“During the first defense of Canterlot, The Taraskans were attempting to lure the Og Nag to Ponyville. As I was flying in, I saw a Garge pick up General Raiden. They spoke briefly, then a massive burst of red flame erupted from his mouth. I make no judgement against any creature with abilities but...the captains seem completely new to their powers. It also makes me nervous that General Raiden’s powers theoretically stem from both rage and physical proximity to Zaran, especially since he is often around civilians.” Dandy nods and I see him restrain a nasty smile.

“As a princess and a ruler, I’d assume you’d have some fantastic insight into predicting someone’s character. I’m sure from the get-go you must have noticed Raiden’s warning signs. Can you tell me when you first started noticing them? I’d be interested in hearing what an alicorn princess thinks.” Cadence’s face shows a flare of anger, but it quickly snaps to fear when she looks around the room and sees all the eyes watching her.

“W...well I mean yes being a princess, an alicorn and a ruler does give you some insight, but it’s not like-” Dandy nods a few times before he cuts her off.

“Well for instance you called him a danger to your people, would you mind elaborating?” Cadence blinks at him confused.

“I don’t recall using those words.” Dandy slaps on an expression of curiosity.

“Um...I apologize princess, but I think you’re misremembering. Are you feeling ill? I understand if the burden of this war has taken its toll on you. We’d all certainly understand if a princess had to step down for a while.” Cadence’s eyes bulge and once again look around the room.

“No no! Certainly not! I...you know, I actually do think I remember saying something to that effect, but maybe I didn't fully-” Dandy’s muscles relax and his speech becomes more soothing.

“Oh very well princess, I apologize I was just relaying the concerns of some of your citizens. Would you mind elaborating?” Cadence’s mouth hangs open and I can see her eyes dart around the room. She starts shaking very slightly in place.

“W...well there was when we held the entrance to Canterlot. He just...walked up to a Garge and let the thing bite his head off! That has always troubled me how anypony could just...willingly do that! I mean I still get nightmares over that battle!” Dandy’s ears go back and an inviting smile crosses his face.

“Well that’s certainly a valid point princess!” He turns to face the audience.

“As you can see, your very own trustworthy princess Cadence thinks the Taraskans should leave! If you can’t trust her opinion, who can you trust?” Cadence takes up a defensive posture as her ears go back.

“Um, pardon me, but I didn’t go that far!” Dandy turns around and has an almost cautious and concerned look on his face.

“Princess there are two options here: either the Taraskans are innocent, or they need to leave. Surely a princess can make the right call regarding the safety of her people, correct?” Cadence’s mouth mumbles a few times as she tries to begin a sentence. She closes her mouth and swallows.

“Um...well safety is certainly a priority it seems.” Dandy gives a satisfied nod.

“And we normally exile or imprison things that make us safe, don’t we? I’m simply saying that instead of us throwing away all our values in place of a violent nation’s mentality, we simply stick to our ways as we always have. I for one would never even consider letting my children join an army!” A few angry cheers from the ponies break the silence momentarily. Cadence blinks in confusion.

“I...I’m not saying we’re changing who we are but-” Dandy turns around and snaps defensively.

“Well if we’re going to let them get away with assaulting our people and destroying our way of life, how are we not changing?!” Cadence’s face scrunches up as she thinks.

“It’s just...um...they’ve been through a lot and we’re trying to be understanding-” Dandy scoffs so loud that Cadence stops talking.

“We’ve all been through a lot and yet we’re still sitting here as a reasonable society, discussing the best course of action! Why can’t they do the same?!” A random pony stands on her hind legs.

“Yeah, why do we have to put in all the effort for them?! They should be explaining themselves to us!” Dandy spins and points a hoof at her.

“Yes! Exactly my point! Now you’re all starting to get it! The Taraskans have stolen our way of life and even as we speak, they’re invading our courts with their war mongering! This is not Taraska! This is Equestria!” Several ponies get up and let out a cheer of approval.

“And in Equestria, we are not violent!” Another cheer from the ponies.

“We are not evil and we certainly will not sit by quietly as some foreign invaders destroy our homes and our way of life! Do you hear me?!” Half the ponies in the room stand and cheer. Cadence nods her head furiously in agreement, with an almost desperate look on her face.

“Thank you, princess! That will be all for now.” Dandy continues to address the audience, thanking them for their honest participation. Cadence glances at Dandy, but hangs her head and goes around him then trots back to Shining. As soon as she takes a seat, she hangs her head and they whisper to each other. Shining rubs her back as they talk.

Dandy opens his mouth, but remains silent as he eyes the couple consoling each other.

“My next witness, Shining Armor: Captain of the Royal Guard.” Shining looks up surprised, whispers one last thing to his wife, then exits the pews. He shoots Dandy a cautious glare as he walks by. Lucretia leans over so only Emeris and I can hear her.
"At least let the colt console his wife for five friggin' minutes!"

Once again, as soon as Shining takes his seat, Dandy pounces.
“Shining, let me start off by asking you one simple question: when the Taraskans leave, what is your strategy for the war that you undoubtedly have already formulated as a backup plan?” Shining suddenly slaps on the same nervous expression Cadence has, but his tone is still rigid and diplomatic.

“Well now hold on a minute, that’s going a bit far.” Dandy doesn’t give him much of a chance to respond. He mixes agitation with fear, no doubt trying to mimic the worst ponies in the room.

“Shining, your own wife and princess even admitted she thinks the Taraskans should leave. What are we, the good citizens of Equestria, supposed to think if even a simple royal couple can’t agree on this issue?!” Shining’s face splashes with anger before he glances at his wife.

“I’m not saying...look she didn’t exactly use those words. I think we all need to calm down and-”

Dandy turns around and addresses the audience on the verge of yelling.

“You see?! This is what we have to put up with! Us innocent citizens at the mercy of the royal family! We are victims! We are powerless and can only rely on mere words to save us! I can’t even get a straight answer out of the very ponies who are supposed to ensure our safety! I guess we might as well just march out onto the fields ourselves then!” Shining recoils in shock.

“Now hold on! Okay um...yes the princes and I...agree. I just want to make sure every last point is-” Dandy’s tone is suddenly happy and hopeful.

“So, you’re in agreeance then! The Taraskans must leave correct?” Shining starts looking flustered but still does his best to stay calm.

“Well...I mean we can at least hear them out!” Dandy completely changes tactics. He sits down about five feet from the throne and just stares at Shining, with a look of annoyance on his face. Shining blinks rapidly and locks eyes with Dandy.

“What do you want me to say?! We can’t just ignore one side completely!” Dandy lets out a tiny sigh but still doesn’t move, look away or speak.

“I’m not saying my wife is wrong, I mean like I get her point I just...maybe we need to look into this more! I just...yes we always remain united but…” Shining starts babbling in panic as he looks across the audience. Dandy lets out another sigh and his voice is now super flat, slow and relaxed.

“Shining...do you have a plan...or not? That was all I was asking. Why do you insist on flying off the handle over a simple question? This is exactly why we, the powerless citizens of Equestria, even have a problem to begin with.” Shining stomps a hoof on the throne.

“What?! You’re the one who started freaking out!” Dandy raises a confused eyebrow.

“All I did was ask a few questions and voice our concerns Shining. As I said in the beginning, I only had one question. This type of behavior from some pony who is captain of the royal guard is concerning. Isn't that fair to say at least? I mean I did I say at the beginning I only had one question correct?” Shining breaks eye contact and looks at the ground while furrowing his brow.

“W...well yes you did say that I just…I...I don’t...” Dandy shrugs.

“Sounds to me like you’re trying to manipulate us. Refusing to answer questions, avoiding simple concepts like whether you agree with your own wife or not. You must really think we’re that stupid don’t you? But we’re not. We see right through your little ploy, don’t we?!” As Dandy finishes his sentence, he turns around and gives the crowd a defiant glare. Several ponies get on their hindlegs and start yelling angrily about how they’re not fools. Dandy looks back to Shining.

“I mean I get it, it must be difficult having to serve your wife and all. Unfortunately, you don’t see that your bruised ego is making you toxic. Why else are you so eager to completely disregard your wife’s views? I for one trust the princess-” Shining gets on all fours with a mix of panic and anger.

“Wait are you talking about?! That’s not it at all!” Dandy suddenly recoils and sits on his flank. His ears go back and his face is splashed with concern.

“Shining all I’m doing is trying to help you understand your problem. I mean I really don’t think it’s my job to be your therapist, but if it’s what I have to do to restore balance to our leadership, then so be it. I just don’t understand why you can’t admit you have a problem.” Shining blinks several times in confusion. He begins several sentences but doesn’t even make it past the first word.

“M...maybe sometimes I..sort of get uncomfortable but…” Shining starts looking exhausted. His eyes are half closed and he’s breathing heavily. Dandy gets up and gently bats his hoof at Shining in a comforting manner. He lowers his voice to be as soothing as possible.

“It’s okay Shining. We’re all your friends here. All that we ask is you trust us the way we trust you. All we want is for our concerns about Taraska be taken seriously. We all feel it’s time for some changes to be made around here, wouldn’t you agree?” Shining hangs his head back and lets out a loud sigh.

“I...yes I guess it’s...time for some changes.”

“It’s alright that you’re so frazzled Shining! The Taraskans have taken a toll on all of us. Tell you what, why don’t you simply tell us what you would do once the Taraskans leave?” Shining is panting nervously now, refusing to look around the room.

“I guess I would begin rebuilding towns and making them more secure, so it won’t be such a crisis in the future.” Dandy gets up on all fours excitedly.

“Thank you Shining! That’s...all I wanted to hear! That will be all for now!” Dandy turns and addresses the audience.

“I know most of you are undoubtedly nervous with how our leadership is handling this, but as I’ve shown you, there’s nothing to fear when we stand united! We can unite against this common enemy, and we can unite against the Og Nag!” The ponies look at each other and start nodding, accompanied by whispers. Dandy had taken Emeris’ entire speech and turned it around, making it seem like the ponies can’t defend us without endangering themselves. Right as Shining leaves the chair, Dandy stops him.

“Oh, um Shining, if you don’t mind, there might be a few more questions I could have for you. Would you be so kind as to sit here at the front?”

“Oh...I um…” Shining looks back sadly to his wife, who hangs her head and looks absolutely defeated. Shining clenches his face in turmoil, also with an expression of exhaustion.

“I guess that’s alright.” As Shining takes a seat in the front pew, he keeps his eyes locked on his wife.

“Multi...dimensional...asshole…” I look to my right at Emeris who whispers angrily while shaking his head. Lucretia and I give him confused stares. He looks at us then gives a dumbfounded shrug and holds it.

“It’s friggin’ Zaran! How have you two not seen this?!” I look around to see if anyone overheard, but every neighbor is having a whispering session of their own. If Dandy was actually Zaran in disguise, what could we even do about it? If we outright accuse him, it will just make us look more suspicious. We’d have to play his game for now and hope we’d come out on top.

“And now, I’d like to call Princess Luna herself to the stand please!” Luna gets out of her pew, but there’s a nasty scowl on her face. She’s half way up the aisle when Dandy starts talking again.

“Good citizens of Equestria, thank you for your patience, I’m sure we’re almost done he-” Instead of going around Dandy, Luna acts as if he’s not even there and busts her way past, forcing Dandy to stumble a few feet across the aisle. He falls to the floor and looks up at Luna shocked.

“Um, my apologies your majesty.” Luna gives him a blistering glare, but says nothing. She climbs into the throne and sits upright. Dandy dusts himself off and clears his throat.