There is someone asleep in my bed. And for once, I'm actually not happy about that.

One room over I can still hear an occasional anguished cry from somepony who's tipped over the punch bowl. Again. That pony had been me only a few weeks ago, and I had decided I was done for the evening when I saw it start happening tonight. It brought my mood down, and I had no desire to bring down the mood of the party with me. I figured Vinyl would be next to tip the thing, as she's been threatening to launch herself against tables and walls while trying to "crowdsurf" for a while. No one really seemed to be complaining either. It was nice to see everyone so happy, but not at the expense of my own bitterness or all-too ready ability to completely kill the mood.

I may be many things, but Berry Punch is no mood killer.

So after all that, I had come here. I had come to get a little rest in Applejack's littlest guest bedroom while everyone else continued to party in the barn, dancing and drunkenly singing the night away. It's nice of her to offer me a place to sleep, no questions asked. It would be all too easy for her to ask why I seem so tired and aloof, but she's kind like that, and maybe she's preoccupied. Many of her relatives have shown up for this yearly party that I usually over-enjoy, and tomorrow I would have to shape up and be a good friend to her and all the others. I would show visiting ponies around, embarrass them with my antics, play with them, and be my bubbly, upbeat, obscene, falsely-drunken self. It isn't even three AM yet, which was a travesty, but it can't be helped. I would need my energy, and that means sleep. However, there is now this hangup.

All I really want to do is sleep, to be honest, but instead this...thing is in my bed. I have no idea when exactly he got here because he didn't come next door to say hello (or maybe he did and I didn't notice), but I know he's here now. And he's lying all cozy in my bed that I asked Applejack for. And all I want to do is sleep. What the fuck.

Before me, a slightly curled mass lies in the queen sized bed, silent and unmoving. A mess of short hair splays about the pillow like a trivet, and the center of the form rises and falls evenly, suggesting sleep. The simple brown covers are up to the neck, and although I can't see the entirety of him, he's an unusual enough creature that I know exactly who this is.

Anon had told us how he came to Ponyville. How one day he was on his home planet, Earth, and then suddenly he just woke up here. It was a weird transitional period, with lots of questions and fear at first, but he's settled in nicely over time. Plus, I found out that he can drink almost as much as me...well as much as I used to, so we at least got along. Sure, we weren't friends but we were nice to each-other. Drinking buddies almost. One would think that upon arriving to Sweet Apple Acres he would have at least come to the party to get silly and fun with everypony else. Even if he was a little too tired for it. But rather than do the courteous thing and come see us straight away, his ass seemed to have found the first bed possible and just flopped. Lucky me, that first bed happens to be the one reserved for me.

I study him from my stance in the doorway, a growl of frustration dormant in my throat. Fucking really? I debate whether to let him rest a bit and find another place to sleep, or to just kick him out. I can be quite considerate, but right now I feel a little selfish. I even consider if maybe I should let the others know he's here so we can draw shit on his face and do all that other stuff teenage girls do at sleepovers. (Lets face it, that's pretty much the maturity level we have going on here anyway.) But that seems too cruel for tonight, maybe next time if he pulls that shit again.

No, there's another way to deal with this.

My mind is made up, and I creep quietly to the bed with all the stealth of a weird purple ninja. Gingerly, I climb up onto the expansive mattress and slip under what small part of the blanket the human isn't hogging. He shifts a little as I settle in next to him, so close I can hear him breathing, but that he doesn't wake up. Perfect.

I gradually raise my back hooves until they are just below the small of his back with the flats even to his body. I take a deep breath and then aggressively straighten my legs with all my might in one swift motion.

Anon catapults forward but stops short of going over the edge. Way too quickly for a sleeping man he reaches out and grabs part of the headboard to steady himself and all I end up doing is giving him even more of the covers. The backbend he's managing is actually pretty impressive, and enraging. I growl to myself in frustration. He turns to look over his shoulder at me, and while I can see he looks pretty groggy, it's obvious that he hadn't been sleeping. He cracks a half smile at me.

"Oh hey Berry," he says simply, as if I wasn't digging my hooves squarely into his spine.

No surprise, no nice to see you, no formalities. We may have only seen each other and talked every so often, and even more rarely when sober, but he's as dismissive as if he knew I was coming and had known me all his life.

I ease off and shuffle back away from him across the sheets.

"Oh so you're awake?"

"Yep," he says. "Just got in ten minutes ago, couldn't find a quiet place in that crazy loud party over there, so I gave up and came in here. You're free to share, though. You have the whole floor, don't you?"

He drawls on in that weird earth accent of his, seeming completely oblivious to the rancor in my expression. That voice of his might in fact be cute. You know. If it wasn't for the stealing my bed and all my blankets thing. I glare at him a little harder, trying to get my point across.

"Why didn't you come next door to say hi to everyone. We could have helped you find a room or a quiet place to be, you know. Why do you even need a quiet place anyway?"

He shrugs and turns back away from me again.

"I was tired, I didn't feel like meeting a bunch of new ponies face to face yet."

"So instead you come crash in MY bed?"

I see his shoulders rise and fall again in another shrug.

"Didn't know it was yours."

"Well it is."

"Okay."

"So..."

He turns to look at me, again seeming completely oblivious to what's going on.

"So....thank you?" he says haltingly.

Oh my god, this fucking guy...

"So, get the fuck out of my bed!" I practically yell and give him another strong kick for good measure.

Still, he doesn't budge, and now I see a little bit of a smile begin to creep onto his face. Wait, could he be actually enjoying this? I pull my hooves back again and study him. Is he...is he just messing with me? Is he acting like an oblivious idiot on purpose just to make me angry?

"But I'm tired, Berry," he half whines. "I think I'll just sleep here for the night. There's a couch in Applejack's main parlor, isn't there?"

Ok, this is too much. He's in my bed, won't leave, and is now suggesting I take the couch rather than the bed in my own room?! Oh hell no. I begin to scheme. So, he's from a foreign land totally different than ours, huh? From what I remember of his drunken ramblings, Earth is a haven for misfits, the socially awkward, the mentally ill, and the just plain weird. Maybe he's awkward and weird too, especially considering his dealing with the party like this. If he wants to play hard ball, no problem. I can play hardball.

I force a smile and tilt my head a little in a pose of obviously feigned innocence. He seems to notice and is instantly suspicious of me. Clever, but I'll bet he's not as clever as I am.

"But..." I say, my tone that of a spoiled little girl. "I like the big ol' bed. Surely you can't use all of it all by your onesome?"

Anon turns red and gawks at me. I'm sitting with my back legs curled in towards me, my front hooves to the side and both flats down. It's a rather evocative pose, in my opinion. I pout my lower lip a little and push my shoulders up and back to make me look all the more helpless and innocent. And then I look up at him with these eyes that say "I sure hope this big strong man isn't going to hurt me."

The reaction is instant and apparent. His gaze darts away from my eyes and he's at a loss for words. He sits up slowly, a little uncomfortably, and backs away from me just a hair as if I'm some sort of terrible glass time bomb that might go off at any moment and fill him like a porcupine with splinters.

Jackpot.

I inch closer.

"Maybe I should just...you know....share the bed with you?" I ask, as if the idea has just occurred to me. "It is pretty big. I could just lie over here and you wouldn't even know it! I promise I won't be a bother."

He inches back away, mouth still working but no words coming out. But I don't stop yet.

"Of course," I say, doing my best to force some blood into my cheeks for a rosy, drunken glow. It's a look I've mastered over years of drinking and of recent weeks pretending to be drunk. "I'm not wearing clothes like you. So...maybe you should take yours off to sleep? Wouldn't that be more comfortable for you? I can even help you undress if you want. That wouldn't make you too uncomfortable...would it Anon?"

I can see it in his eyes. He's ready to break, give me the bed, go tearing from the room to try to hide from all this. He's feeling awkward, he's feeling scared. I move ever so slightly closer and look up into his eyes with all the fear and adulation of a gradeschool filly speaking to a teacher. I have him. All I have to do is...

All at once I see a flicker of recognition in his eyes. His shoulders relax, his mouth shuts, and he fixes me with a calm look. It's as if someone has flipped a switch inside him. I try to hide my surprise and offer a shy innocent smile up at him. He smiles back, far too steadily for my liking.

"Nope," he says. "Not buying it."

Fuck.

"W-whatever do you mean?" I ask, still trying to maintain the mystique I had held only a moment before.

He simply shakes his head.

"Berry, I don't know your ways too well, but I've heard that voice before when you're messing with ponies in bars to try to get free drinks and stuff...Not gonna work."

Shit. He has me there. I realize suddenly that I had been using the same voice as I do when I'm trying to make stallions all hot and bothered for me, either for fun or for free alcohol purposes. It was a careless mistake on my part, one bred from way too long without sleep and booze. Still, that's no excuse. I drop the expression and go back to my glare. He looks smug now, so self satisfied upon being right. All of me wants to verbally smack that grin right off his stupid face.

"Think I'm bluffing?" I say in a tone like ice wrapped in silk.

"I do."

"I'll fucking do it," I say, smiling. "I'll sleep right here if you don't give me back my bed."

"Sure you will Berry."

"I did warn you, don't say I didn't."

"Yep, you warned me, I'm terrified."

My lip twitches, a growl bubbles in my throat, and something rest-deprived and bitter in my brain just kinda snaps. This party has not been for me. This past month has not been fun for me. Holding this stupid secret and all these feelings and this heavy, heavy knowledge inside me has been dragging me down and down and it's been hard just to keep my head above water. I'm tired. Tired in ways I didn't even know a pony could be. And I'll be damned if some stupid, pig-headed, inconsiderate human is going to take this bed from me. I cock my head and throw him a huge happy grin.

"Fine, you asked for it."

With a flourish, I reach down and grab the sides of Anon's shirt. In one fluid motion, I pull up and forward to yank the shirt over his head and off. Defiantly, I toss it against the wall to the left of his head. Rather than trying to fight back and protest, Anon, meanwhile, is spellbound and horrified. He stammers at me and then down at his newly exposed upper body as if he's never seen a his own chest before, or maybe it's that a girl has never seen his bare chest before. Red creeps up the sides of his neck to cloud his face and he looks quickly away from me at something that is surely far more interesting down next to my pillow. I keep smiling as I straighten up a little and the abruptly pull down his pants zipper.

"See? See? Didn't I tell you?" I ask pointedly as I do this.

"H-hey, what are you-?"

He doesn't try to stop me, he's still too defiant and bold for that right now. I have to push him just a little further. I give a tug at his pants and they slip down, just a little. This all proves too much for him. While he doesn't get out of my bed, he quickly turns to face the wall, his shoulders heaving like he's run a great distance. With what sounds like a little yelp, he jerks up the blanket to cover his lower back and hips, which were about to be very very exposed in just a moment more. I could kick him now and send him running out of the room I know, but at this point I just kind of want the guy to suffer. I lay back and tug the blanket up around me as well.

Then before he can do much about it, I reach out and tug down his pants between my back hooves, then shove them out of bed. They hit the floor with a thud, far enough away where he'd have to get out of bed to go get them. I can feel his hands grasping for them as he half-mutters, half-whimpers obscenities at me. Still unwilling to let me win, he hasn't exactly fought back, and his protests are half-hearted and frustrated. But it's only a matter of time. I'm sure this is just too humiliating for him. I'm betting his face is about the shade of a plum now, the lazy fuck. Serves the pantless human right for trying to cross me.

"Well, goodnight Anon," I say triumphantly. "Pleasant dreams, the couch is just over there in Applejack's main parlor if you like."

And with that I switch off the bedside lamp, I flop over to my side, facing away from him, and tug as much of the blanket as I can manage up over my body. I curl up, shut my eyes, and relish the sound of uneasy breathing and shuffling next to me. I feel the mattress bow slightly as he stops struggling and looking for his clothes, and I glance back over at him. Still too defiant to leave the bed, he's as close to the edge of it as he can be, facing away from me. His shoulders still rise and fall unsteadily, and the back of his neck is still a glowing crimson. Even if he wouldn't leave the bed, he's still uncomfortable and awkward as fuck, and suffering, so I can call that a half victory. I turn back and burrow down into the bed with a grin.

After only a minute or two, my bravado begins to fade and a mixture of logic and nerves take over.

I'm lying in bed, next to a man I have never really gotten to know much, who is in just his underwear, alone. In an unfamiliar and secluded room. Early in the AM. This is...definitely not the best sort of situation for me. It's not like I think he'd try to overpower me or do anything to me, even with me picking on him the way I did, but it's still a rather awkward place to be. How the fuck did I get here? What was I thinking? Was a moral victory really worth me taking off all his damn clothes? But I'm stuck here. I've created this horrible stalemate and there's no escape other than admitting defeat, finding a way to make him get up (and really, what more can I do?), or spending the night here. All night. With him.

I quietly curse myself on my side of the mattress. What have I gotten myself into now?

-*-