I can’t rightfully complain about what’s happened to me.  After all, I am free again.  But do you have any idea how disorienting it is to wake up without having a clue where you are or how long you’ve been asleep?  At least the first time I was petrified I could keep track of everything around me.  This time, I had no clue just what was going on or what had happened while I was gone.

I remember it like it was today.  The six ponies that embody the detestable Elements of Harmony managed to free themselves from my little curse and gathered the elements together.  They stood before me, their minds set on defeating me and restoring their home to normal.  I simply laughed, thinking that their little gemstones wouldn’t be enough to stop me.  Boy, did I eat my laugh!

A nice, beautiful, disgusting rainbow burst from the group of pesky ponies and swallowed me whole.  The rainbow swarmed around me and my body slowly started turning back to stone.  I felt the tingle of a thousand needles gently pricking me as the stone encased me again.  With a horrified expression on my face, I was once more nothing but a statue.

And then, in what seemed like the blink of an eye, I awoke to find myself lying in some unknown location, the moonlight enveloping me and making my gorgeous features shine brightly.  I looked around to find myself in a disgustingly ordinary garden.  When I looked up to the sky, I was greeted with a headache-inducing sight:  Princess Celestia’s castle floating in the same spot it had for years.  I quickly realized that I was in the Canterlot Royal Gardens, obviously used as some sick decoration to fancy the place up.

Memories flooded back to me in an instant.  The ponies, the Elements, Celestia, everything came back.  I laughed as I stared at the huge castle above me.  I was free once more, able to wreak my special brand of havoc on the citizens of Equestria.  This time, things would be different for me.  I wasn’t going to let the ponies get their precious Elements again.  I was too cocky last time, and it led to my downfall.  So of course, the first thing I needed to do was steal the Elements from the castle’s vault.

Of course, I stopped to examine myself before going anywhere.  There was no telling what Celestia may have done to me while I was petrified.  She could have split me in to a million pieces to ensure I could never be revived, for all I knew.  I contorted my body in all sorts of crazy ways, trying to examine my wonderful parts to ensure that they were all there.

My precious eagle claw and lion arm were both still intact.  That was good; I would need them for snapping my fingers when I used magic.  You know, to show off.  My adorable goat and lizard legs were both in tip-top shape.  How else would a chaotic demon get around without flying?  Then of course my Pegasus and bat wings were completely hole-free.  This bad boy was still aerodynamic!

I summoned a mirror so as to look upon my handsome face.  My goat horn and deer antler were both just as shiny and majestic as I remembered them.  The single long fang extending from my upper jaw glistened in the bright moonlight.  The thin, split tongue of a snake protruded from my mouth as I mocked my own worries.  My well-groomed white goatee hung from my chin in such a way as to say ‘I am one bad dude!’  Ah, and my snake-like tail flailed wildly in excitement as I realized that I was truly free again.

After a careful examination of my own physique to ensure I was fully intact, I looked up at the castle that loomed above me.  Such a beautiful building if I’ve ever seen one.  Shiny white walls accompanied by glistening blue windows.  Golden rods and roofs dotted the massive structure, only adding to its wonder.  My face twisted in anger as I realized that I had been defeated in this castle not once, but twice.

I chuckled to myself as a plan developed in my wonderful brain, “Yes, I won’t be playing games this time…”

With a snap of my fingers, I was off to begin my reign of chaos.  The first thing I needed to do was dispose of the bothersome gemstones that had caused me to be beaten twice already.  If I disposed of them, then I would be completely unstoppable as far as Celestia and the other pesky ponies were concerned.  Let me tell you:  I was very right with this assumption.

The first thing I needed to do was infiltrate the castle and make it to the vault where the Elements were held.  I had to be sneaky enough to get past all the residents and guards, so as not to alert Celestia and her cheeky subjects to my presence.  The best way to do this was to disguise myself as a guard and use all of their benefits to enter the vault inconspicuously.  Once I was in the vault, nothing would matter.  So long as the Elements couldn’t be used against me, I was perfectly safe.  After all, not even Celestia’s power could stop me on its own.

I never expected infiltrating the vault to be quite as simple as it was.  To be honest, it caught me completely off guard when they didn’t even notice I was a new guard!

After merely an hour of being restored to my power for a second time, I set my plan in motion.  With a snap of my fingers I appeared just outside of the guards’ barracks within the castle.  I quickly contorted my body and conjured up a special suit of armor for myself, identical to an ordinary guard’s outfit.  Placing it on me so that it would fit my form, I snapped my fingers and become a pony-esque creature.  The only features that would have given my identity away were my weird wings and lack of cutie mark.  The armor easily handled this problem for me.

Clearing my throat and doing a voice check, I rapped on the door a few times in a rhythmic style.  It opened, and I could feel the eyes lock onto me as I entered through the threshold.  Nopony said anything as I entered.  To them, I was just another nameless rookie hired on in a last ditch effort to increase security.  

A white stallion with a blue mane and blue eyes approached me with an angry look on his face.  He stamped a hoof and spoke with a commanding tone, “Do you have any idea how late you are, rookie?  Rookies aren’t allowed outside the barracks at night—Princess Celestia’s orders.”

I thought for a moment as to what to say.  It was awfully late, and I needed to keep up a special persona for this dangerous mission.  I forced myself to blush and chuckled, “Sorry Captain, guess I didn’t get the memo.”  I’m almost certain that addressing that pony with such respect nearly made me vomit on the spot.

The stallion’s serious expression faded and gave way to a smile.  He laughed, “It’s okay, man.  Just don’t let it happen again.  Celestia’ll have my hide if something happens with one of the guards.”

I joined in with the laughter of the group of guards, trying to pretend I actually cared about the pony’s well-being.  After I was finished with my mission, Celestia would be the least of this goody-two-shoes’ problems.  I simply faked a laugh and went on my way.  I found a small bed upstairs in the barracks that appeared to be unclaimed by a guard and rested on it.  All I needed to do was wait for the bothersome mules downstairs to head off to dream land.  Then I would be able to get to the vault in the veil of the night and enjoy myself a little chaos.

So I waited for nearly three hours, pretending to sleep on the small, uncomfortable bed.  My armor didn’t help matters any.  Finally, I heard the sound of the stallion’s voice call, “It’s lights out, fellas!  We have an early start tomorrow!”  

The faint glow that came in from the doorway of the staircase faded, and I heard the sound of the door shut as the stallion exited the barracks.  I waited for just a few minutes as the chatter from below quieted down and eventually silenced completely.  I laughed in my head as I thought about how simple it was to blend in.  If that stallion was the captain of the guard, I didn’t want to meet an actual rookie.

After the chatter had ceased, I felt it was high time to begin setting the next phase of my plan in motion.  I snapped my fingers and, in a silent poof, I was standing right outside the barracks.  I chuckled under my breath, “Next stop, the Elements of Blahblahblah.”  I rolled my eyes as I started my trot to the main gate of the castle.  I wasn’t going to risk warping in front of the chamber or inside of it.  If there were guards stationed in either location, they would immediately know something was up.

A smile graced my succulent lips as I continued my trot through the majestically horrendous castle.  I stopped just outside of the main chamber that led into the Elements’ resting places.  Seeing no guards in the vicinity, I conjured a small mirror into my hoof and began looking my pony-esque face over carefully.  The sight disgusted me.  My beautiful features had been replaced with a mahogany-colored mane and coat.  I felt like vomiting again at the loss of my wonderful appearance.

With my vanity appeased, I approached the door to the Elements’ chamber.  With a grin across my face, I shoved open the large purple doors and entered into the small chamber.  At the far end, six brightly-colored gems shined with a disturbingly gentle glow.  Although the last time I had seen them they were embedded in jewelry, these were simple gems that sat on pedestals.  I approached them slowly, waiting for them to react to me.  I knew they would recognize me through my facade, and was ready for retaliation.

It was a good thing I prepared myself, because I was struck right in the chest with a beam from one of the gems.  I couldn’t tell which one because they were all glowing, but that’s not important.  One of the gems reacted and shot a beam of light right past me and into the large chamber behind me.  I followed the beam with my eyes to see it wind its way through the cracks in the doors of the large chamber.  It was going to try and alert Celestia.

I sighed as I changed form back to my magnificent beauty, “I guess disguises won’t help me now.”  I snapped my fingers and appeared beside the gems, their power emanating from them.  They had a little juice, but not enough to rebuke me.  Without being possessed by their physical incarnations, the Elements were completely useless.

I reached my claw out and snatched the purple gem.  I stared at my reflection in its surface.  I noticed my eyes fill with anger as an image appeared in my mind.  An image of a purple unicorn with a purple mane.  I laughed, “Twilight Sparkle, you meddling little mule!”  I gripped the gem tighter and heard a slight cracking sound.  I noticed a chip in the side of the gem.  The Element of Magic was cracking under pressure, in more ways than one.

A voice boomed through the chamber as a white light filled the room.  I would recognize that voice anywhere.  Celestia stamped her hoof as she commanded, “Release the Element, Discord!  You have no idea what may happen if you don’t!”

I looked at her, tightening my grip on the Element.  I laughed, “Silly little Celestia.  Nothing will happen to me if I destroy them.  Heck, nothing will happen to me if I eat them, either.  I think destroying them is a little less bad for the digestive tract, though.”

Celestia stamped her hoof.  The Element of Magic let out a small electrical charge, attempting to cause me to lose my grip.  It didn’t work.  I held my claw up in air, making sure Celestia could see.  I squeezed with all my might and the Element crumbled into particles of dust.  I heard a horrified gasp escape Celestia’s royal lips.  I couldn’t help but smile.

I laughed, “Don’t you see, sweet Tia?  The Elements are powerless without their holders!  Now that they aren’t here, I can easily destroy them!  The power of Disharmony is simply too powerful for the Elements to counteract!”  I lifted the red Element into the air, tightening my grip once more.

Celestia exclaimed, “Stop this madness, Discord!”  A beam of magical energy shot from her horn.  I laughed as I lowered the Element in front of me.  The magical beam hit the Element and absorbed into it.  Celestia watched in shock as the energy traveled up my arm and into my body.

I stood up tall, feeling the magical energy surge through me.  “You’ve made a horrible mistake, Tia!  Thanks for the food, but this is only an appetizer!”  I used my new-found extra energy to crush the Element of Loyalty without hesitation.  It fell to the pedestal as dust.

Another alicorn entered the chamber and shouted at me, “You simply must stop this insane act!  Have you no idea what will happen to our world if the Elements are destroyed?!”

“Ah, Luna, it’s been ages, hasn’t it?  I heard you turned on Celestia yourself?  Did you actually take my advice?” I mockingly laughed at the black alicorn.  I lifted the blue Element into the air in similar fashion as the previous two.

“Stop!”  Celestia charged at me with full speed.  I pointed the Element at her and focused my power into it, increasing it tenfold.  The beam of magic swallowed Celestia and sent her flying into the wall near the door.

I tossed the Element of Laughter in the air.  I laughed, “How fitting that the Element of Laughter would be destroyed by its own self?”  With a loud laugh, the Element dropped into my mouth, and I crunched it once.  My face contorted in disgust as a bitter-sour taste filled my mouth.  I choked the dust down and laughed, “Well, I’ve definitely lost my appetite!”

Luna knelt by her sister’s side, a worried expression on her face.  She looked at me with a fire in her eyes.  “How dare you harm my sister?!”  She leaped to her hooves and started charging at me.

I scoffed, “If you wanted to try one, all you needed to do was ask nicely.”  I lifted the orange Element up and sent it flying at Luna.  It met her head-on and sent her flying to her sister’s side.  The Element of Honesty shattered on contact with her head.

I picked up the pink and green Elements and started to juggle them.  The two fallen princesses looked up at me with teary eyes.  I chuckled, “Would you care to inform me what kind of punishment you want?  I mean, treason is a serious crime in Discordia!”

I caught the Element of Kindness in my eagle claw and the Element of Generosity in my lion paw.  I crushed them with minimal effort.  The two princesses looked at me with anger and sorrow in their eyes.  They couldn’t speak because of the paralysis magic I had cast on them, but I knew what they wanted to say.  Or at least, I knew what I wanted them to say.

“What, is Discordia not a good name?  Perhaps I ought to think of a new one?  Got any ideas, Tia?”  I laughed as the two let out silent sobs.  

So, the Elements were no longer a problem.  I was simply surprised by how easy it was to dispose of them.  I wondered if the Elements’ embodiments would continue to be as such, or if the destruction of the elements would rid the six ponies of their trademark characteristics.  I cast the bothersome thoughts from my head as I thought about all of the awesome chaos I could conjure up now that the Elements couldn’t stand in my way…