What is Love?

It was Hearts and Hooves Day in Ponyville. Ponies from all walks of life were out enjoying the mild, sunny day with their special-some-ponies. The quaint town was a romantic destination for ponies from surrounding cities, seeking to get away from the busy, urban environment for a long, romantic weekend. Every inn and bed-and-breakfast in Ponyville was booked solid.

Princess Twilight Sparkle put together her day-bag in her tree castle, and a modest sun dress that served to cover her wings and cutie mark. To the locals who knew her before her ascension, she was still the same old Twilight, and they treated her as such. But for those that she did not know personally, her now-recognizable cutie mark and wings garnered attention that she could do without. Make no mistake, Twilight took her role as a princess very seriously. But she didn't like being a celebrity.

She headed out into Ponyville. She didn't have a special somepony for the holiday, but that didn't bother her. She wasn't going out to look for one either. Not that she didn't want to have a special somepony someday, but it wasn't her plan for today. No, today she was on a mission for scientific research.

She had done well in her studies on the magic of friendship. But in the wake of her brother's wedding in Canterlot, she realized that she understood precious little about the magic of love. Changelings fed off of love, or rather, its magic. Chrysalis, the Queen of the changelings, had used that magic to become even more powerful than Princess Celestia. And subsequently, Twilight's brother, Shining Armor, and his wife, Princess Cadance, were able to use the power of their love to repel the changeling invasion. That kind of power was a wonder to behold.

And that warranted investigation.

As it happened to be the case, the newlyweds would be in Ponyville for the romantic weekend. The 'Princess of Love' herself would be the perfect pony to speak with about the magic of love. And if one were to be in Ponyville for Hearts and Hooves Day, the place to be was Sugarcube Corner. The family-owned-and-operated bakery was known across Equestria for having the most unique, innovative, and delicious pastries in the land. Twilight made haste through town in that direction.

The bakery was on the block adjacent to Town Hall, between it and the train station. Its central location made it impossible to miss for tourists new to the area. As Twilight neared the locale, it was not as busy as she had anticipated. But then, it was still only mid-morning. Most of the ponies would be here in the late afternoon and evening for a post-dinner treat with their dates. But Twilight had the inside info about a particular pair of ponies that had arrived into town the previous night, and would be here for a late brunch. Twilight walked up to the bakery that resembled a gingerbread house, pushed the door open, ringing the bell as she stepped inside.

"I'll be there in just a minute!" she heard Mrs. Cake call from the back of the kitchen. The interior was different from its usual layout. The function room was combined with the front dining area. Mr. Cake, the primary owner of the establishment, moved like a yellow blur, filling the space with extra tables and seating to accommodate for the anticipated increase in customer traffic later that day. A few of the tables were already occupied with pairs of ponies seeking the early-bird specials, or perhaps, avoiding the forthcoming crowd. Among them, in the corner booth, was Twilight's goal; her brother and new sister-in-law. But before she trotted over, she stopped herself.

"An important part of scientific research is observation," she mentally reminded herself, "Observation -without- outside interference." Twilight refrained and took a seat at the breakfast bar set up at the front counter.

"Welcome to Sugarcube Corner, where every treat is sweet and the- oh, hello Twilight," Mrs. Cake cut her rehearsed greeting short as she stepped out from the kitchen, recognizing the lavender pony. "Or should I say, 'Princess' Twilight," she teased. Twilight blushed and grinned. Mrs. Cake had known Twilight long enough that both knew the title was unnecessary. "What can I get for you dear?" she asked in that delightful accent of hers. Mrs. Cake had grown up just north of Grain Bay, an area known for its dairy farms. And she never shook the dialect.

"Oh, I'm not really hungry, Mrs. Cake," Twilight said.

"Oh, are you looking for Pinkie then? She's doing a delivery at the moment, but she should be back soon, quick as she is, don't cha know."

"Actually I came here to do some research," Twilight explained. Mrs. Cake developed a worried look on her face.

"Oh, uh, I don't know, Twilight. We're still recovering from when you and Pinkie invented that calf feed," Mrs. Cake said nervously.

"Caffeine," Twilight corrected, "And I still think that is has many useful applications when in the hooves of the right pony..." both ponies shuddered at the flashbacks of the pink carnage from the 'incident', as it had come to be known. "...just not Pinkie."

"Not Pinkie," Mrs. Cake repeated.

"Not me what?" Pinkie Pie asked from the doorway. "Hi Twilight! What's up?"

"We were just talking about the caffeine incid-"

"WHY!? Do you have more!?" Pinkie asked with unnatural excitement.

"NO!" Twilight and Mrs. Cake answered in stereo.

"Aww." Pinkie bounded inside, grabbing the brown package from the counter, glancing at the address of the next order. "So what is it then? Is there a friendship problem? Or a monster attack!?"

"No Pinkie, I just came to grab a bite to eat," Twilight said.

"Silly! You can't eat a bite! Unless it's a bagel bite. OOH, I have an idea! Let's make bagel bites!"

"No thank you," Twilight said.

"Besides, you have orders to deliver," Mrs. Cake said, shooing her out the door.

"Okay. Bye Twi!" And with that, Pinkie bounded back out, to make her next delivery.

"Wow. I still can't imagine what it must be like living with her," Twilight said to Mrs. Cake sympathetically. Mrs. Cake thought for a moment, trying to sum up the experience in an appropriate analogy.

"Imagine... having a alarm clock, that goes off at random times, day and night. But instead of ringing, it plays music records, but it plays the music way too fast and too loud. If you can imagine that, then you'll have some idea of what it's like to live with her."

"You know, I've never asked, but how did she end up living here with you?" Twilight asked.
_______________________________________

"Hi, my name is Pinkamena Diane Pie. I'm new in Ponyville. I just moved here from my family's rock farm, due to several party-related incidents. I just need a place to stay for the night until I can find a place to live."

"Well... we do have a spare bedroom upstairs you could use..."

"Great! I'm sure I'll only need it for a day or two until I can get back on my hooves."

It had been -years- since that day.
______________________________________

"Oh, that's a story for another time, dear," Mrs. Cake said with a twinge in the corner of her eye. "So now, what was it you said about some 'research'?"

"Oh, yes, I'm studying 'true love'," Twilight replied, "I've done so well studying the magic of friendship, but now I need to study love." She turned and looked over at where Shining and Cadance were sitting. They were across from one another, sharing a pastry, feeding bites of it to one another, holding hooves, and exchanging little kisses between each bite. Shining shuffled in his seat, moving over to her side of the booth, beside her, as they snuggled against one another. Twilight sighed. "Isn't that wonderful?" she asked Mrs. Cake, "I came to observe them so I can study and take notes about their True Love." Mrs. Cake let out a half-snorting laugh. Twilight turned back to her.

"What's so funny?" Twilight asked. Mrs. Cake composed herself and pointed at the couple.

"That? That over there? That's not True Love, dear," Mrs. Cake said as plainly and as assuredly as if Twilight had accused them of being a pumpkin.

"I BEG your pardon!" Twilight bristled indignantly, "But when the changeling queen fed on his love for her, she became more powerful than Celestia! And it was the power of their love that repelled the changeling invasion from Canterlot! If that isn't True Love, then I don't know what is! And I don't know how you can claim that it's not!" Mrs. Cake tried not to laugh at her again. It wasn't Twilight's fault, after all. The poor filly was still young and naive about the romantic notions of love. Mrs. Cake pulled up a chair and sat down beside her.

"Twilight dear, let me tell you about True Love..."

True Love

"Twilight dear, let me tell you about True Love..." Mrs. Cake said. "It's not getting dressed up, and going out to a restaurant, and feeding each other nibbles of pastries while you hold hooves and snuggle in a booth." She pointed over at Shining and Cadance.

"You think they don't love each other!?" Twilight asked, confused.

"Oh, I'm sure that they love each other," Mrs Cake said, "I'm sure they're in love, and they feel love. But that isn't what True Love is." Mrs. Cake looked away from Shining and Cadance, to her husband, Carrot Cake. He had their unicorn daughter, Pumpkin Cake, stuffed in his saddlebag pocket as he tried in vain to chase their pegasus son, Pound Cake, zipping around in the air. His mane was a ragged mess as struggled to run a bakery and parent at the same time. "Twilight, be a dear?" Twilight's horn glowed, snagging Pound Cake from the air with her magic, bringing him over to Mrs. Cake. She tucked him under her shoulder and fished some tape from her drawer behind the counter, wrapping it several times around his body, binding his wings before setting him back on the floor.

"No flying in the house," she said, patting him lightly on the bottom. Carrot Cake trotted over, putting his son into his saddle bag on the other side of him.

"Thanks Cup Cake. Thanks Twilight." He huffed and trotted back into the kitchen. Mrs. Cake's tired eyes followed him. He wasn't the young colt she'd met years ago. She wasn't a young filly herself. She turned back to Twilight.

"Twilight... True Love is waking up next to the same pony...

...every day..."

It was sixty seconds until dawn. The moon had already been lowered. Which meant that there were only two ponies awake in all of Equestria at that moment. The one raising the sun and...

"WAKE UP EVERYPONY! IT'S TUESDAY! AREN'T YOU EXCITED!?" Pinkie Pie trumpeted as she bound down the bedrooms' hallway. Cup Cake awoke to her alarm clock, going off at a random time, playing her music too loud and too fast. Carrot Cake groaned beside her.

Now there were four ponies awake.

WHHHAAAAA!
WHAAAAAAAA!

Make that six.

Carrot Cake didn't even open his eyes. "I had the most wonderful dream where I died," he said.

"Oh no you don't! Not until both of the foals are through college!" Cup Cake rolled over toward Carrot Cake. "Rise and shine dear," she said.

"Whatever you say, honey," he replied, breathing the word 'honey' into her unprepared nostrils. Cup Cake recoiled and gagged.

"Blegh! What did you eat!?" she shrieked, covering her nose.

"Huh?"

"Oh my gosh! Go brush your teeth! I think something died in your mouth last night!"

"Hey, your breath doesn't exactly smell like roses either!" He blinked his eyes open as the sun breached the horizon, sending a sliver of light into the bedroom window. Cup Cake's hair looked like she had been dreaming of tornadoes. "AHHGHH!" He yelled with a start.

True Love is seeing a pony at their worst, no dresses, no makeup, no nothing.

"What is your problem?" she asked. He settled down.

"Sorry. For a second there, your hair looked like you were being swarmed by bats." She promptly kicked him out of the bed, literally. "Ow."

"Go brush your teeth while I deal with the kids."

"Already on it!" Pinkie said from the hallway. In the next room, Pinkie set to work changing their diapers while the Cakes got the sleep out of their eyes. "Wow. There is no way that came out of you!" Pinkie said, impressed. Carrot fumbled through his drawers.

"Where are my clean aprons?" he asked.

"In you drawer," Cup answered.

"Obviously not!" He pointed at the empty drawer.

"Didn't you do the laundry yesterday?" she asked.

"I did it last week! It was your turn!" he fumed.

"Are you sure?" she asked. He glared. "I'm sorry. I must have forgotten."

"Well what am I going to do now? I can't wear a dirty one!"

"Wear one of mine," she offered him the garment.

"It's pink."

"So?"

"And frilly."

"What choice do we have?" she said. He grabbed the apron and tied it onto himself.

"Great. Braeburn is going to just love this," he groaned, staggering to the bathroom. Cup Cake followed after him.

True Love is brushing your teeth next to the same pony everyday.

Cup Cake brushed her teeth methodically, one at a time, outside, inside, top, bottom, onto the next. Carrot Cake, on the other hoof, was a maniacal frenzy, spattering droplets of tooth paste onto the mirror. And who was going to be cleaning that mirror later? Spoiler alert: not him. Carrot's eyes were lidded mostly closed, standing there like a zombie pony, crowding her space at the sink basin, drooling foam down his chin. But the worst part came next. He finished brushing, and got the mouth wash.

"GAAAARAGRARGARGGAAAALLLLLL!"

He would gargle. Cup Cake stood there and glared at him in the mirror. How many years had it been? How many, she wondered, had she stood there, beside him at this very sink, watching him with his head thrown back like that, without a care in the world, making those disgusting, annoying, gargle noises like a drowning cat? As she stood there, watching, listening, she could feel her blood pressure rising. It would be so easy, to just reach out with her hoof... "I don't know what happened officer. He must have choked on his mouthwash..." Carrot spat out the mouthwash, and sucked in a breath through his teeth making an irritating hissing sound and smiled at her in the mirror.

"Ready, honey?" he asked. Cup Cake's totally-genuine-and-not-at-all-fake smile beamed back.

"Ready, dear!" she answered. They trotted downstairs to open the store.

"I made tea!" Pinkie said, trotting by. Carrot Cake walked over to the door and unlocked it, turning the sigh from 'closed' to 'open'. Cup sat at the chair behind the counter near the register. Pinkie brought over a cup of tea for her. "Ooh! Liking the new look Mr. Cake!" Pinkie said. "Very pink! My favorite!"

"That reminds me, I need to do the laundry," Carrot groaned.

"I'll do it." Cup said.

"Oh no, don't move." Carrot said, waving her off. "Whatever you do, do not let that chair float away." His sarcasm was thick enough to sink in a pool of mercury.

"Aww, somepony is being a Negative Nelly," Pinkie teased. "How can you be sad when you're wearing pink? Pink is a happy color!"

"Pinkie-" Cup Cake tried to stop her. Carrot huffed and trotted downstairs to the laundry room. "Pinkie, why don't you get the bread going in the new oven before you start the bagels?"

"Okie dokie loki!" Pinkie bounced her way into the kitchen.

Cup Cake cradled her tea. It was barely after 6 AM, and things were already going badly. First thing in the morning was always slow. They worked, but most ponies wouldn't be coming in for another two hours, aside from the mail mare and a couple of others that were up this early.

"Just a few invoices from your suppliers and a few other things it looks like," the mail mare said, giving Mrs. Cake her mail. She sniffed at the air, which was usually pleasant in the bakery. "Is something burning?" Mrs. Cake jumped up from her seat. She could smell it too. She ran into the kitchen. Pinkie was making bagels and Carrot was still downstairs.

"Pinkie! The bread!" she shouted. But it was already too late. They turned off the oven and waited until the smoke cleared.

"I don't understand what happened!" Pinkie said. "I put it in for the usual time and temperature. 375 for 45 minutes."

"Pinkie! The new stove isn't in Fahrenheit, it's in Celsius!" Cup Cake shouted.

"Oh... so what's 375 in Celsius?"

True Love is keeping your cool, even when everypony else is losing theirs.

She creaked open the door to the oven. The bread was utterly obliterated, leaving naught but carbonized char and, likely, some diamonds. The metal bread pan itself was warped to the point that it looked like a Salvador Dali painting.

"No bread today, I guess," Cup Cake sighed. Carrot's hooves clomped up the steps from below, walking back up to the kitchen. "Carrot, I need you to mix some more bread dough."

"Did we sell out of bread already?" he asked.

"No... there was a problem with the new oven," she said.

"What kind of probl-OH MY STARS AND STONES! YOU KILLED IT!"

True Love is knowing somepony better than they know themselves.

Carrot stood at the bench, mixing and kneading a fresh batch of dough. If he hurried, they would be able to have bread ready for the lunch rush. Cup minded the front counter.

"No. As the sign says, we have no bread this morning," she explained.

"You're a bakery. How can you just 'not have' bread?" a customer demanded.

"I'm sorry. We'll have more tomorrow morning." He left and Pinkie trotted in, back from a delivery.

"I'm back!" she sang.

"Thank you Pinkie. I'm so glad you're here to let us know that, in case our eyes stop working," she said.

"You're welcome-" Pinkie stopped short. "Did somepony spill something?" she asked. Cup Cake perked up. "It's wet over here. Did you already wash it? It smells like soap." Cup Cake's eyes followed the long puddle.

"Oh no." She pulled open the laundry room door and looked down into the sea of foam. Carrot ran over.

"Oh, what now!?" he cried.

"Well remember last week when you forgot to add detergent? This morning I went down and put some in after you came up," Cup said. "In case you forgot again."

"Me too." Pinkie said.

"I already put in two! It was a big load and now..." he could do nothing else but stare into the white abyss. It was at the top of the stairs. The foam filled the laundry room to the ceiling.

"I'm going in!" Pinkie shouted. "Cannonball!" Pinkie lunged into the foam and vanished. She reappeared a few tense moments later with a white foam beard. "Look what I found!" She gave Carrot a white apron. It was still dripping wet. But it was very, very, very clean.

"Thank you... Pinkie," he sighed, wringing out the fabric.

"You're welcome!" she said. *DING* "Ooh! The bagels are done!" Pinkie ran over to the oven, carefully pulling out the racks of bagels, setting them out on the counter to cool.

"Well at least something is going right today," Mrs. Cake said, totally not at all tempting fate. A tiny alarm went off in the back of her mind as soon as the words left her mouth. "Honey, were are the foals?"

"THE FOALS!" Carrot panicked. "I brought them down with me when I was doing the laundry! They were playing in the basket!" The color left their faces as they turned toward the sea of foam.

"Already got them!" Pinkie said. "Rounded them up when I went down to add detergent to the wash," she blushed. "Again, sorry about that."

True Love is saving your concerns about the really important things.

"It's okay Pinkie," Carrot said. "As long as they're okay."

"Oh, I don't know about that," Pinkie said. "I only know that I brought them upstairs and put them in their playpen. But we all know what a terrible job it does of keeping them in. Really, they could be anywhere."

"Pinkie, you're the fastest. Can you track them down please?"

"On it!" She saluted and vanished up the stairs.

"Carrot, get these bagels put out on the racks under the front counter."

"Okay, what are you going to do?" he asked. Mrs. Cake tightened her apron and put on her game-face and spoke with over-the-top serious drama.

"Sell. Some. Pastries!"

Construction had begun on Town Hall, repairing the damage that it had suffered from the most recent monster attack. Many of the construction workers were making their way in and out of Sugarcube Corner throughout the morning on their breaks. Despite the incident with the bread, business was actually going well. Between the fresh bagels and the stock of baked goods from the previous day, there was still plenty to sell. Carrot finished setting out the latest batch and stood behind the counter, sorting through the mail.

"Bill... bill... wing-enlargement ad..." he mumbled to himself. A letter caught his eye. "Honey, who do we know in Fillydelphia?"

"My sister, Spoonful," Cup Cake said. "She moved there last year, remember?" Spoonful still shared Cup Cake's maiden name; O'Sugar. "Why?" Cup asked.

"I've got a letter here from Fillydelphia, addressed to you," he said. "I was wondering who it could be from." He passed the envelope to her.

"Or it could be from my secret, long-distance lover..." Cup Cake teased, prodding his insecurities.

"Ha ha," he deadpanned. "And how is Spoonful?" Cup read the letter, frowning after a few paragraphs.

"Aww, she and her long-term coltfriend broke up. She's not feeling well. I need to write back to her!" Cup Cake folded up the paper and grabbed a pen from the cup on the counter and trotted up the stairs.

"Yeah, that's cool," Carrot said as she trotted away. "The mail pony won't be here until tomorrow, but yeah, go ahead and do that right now, during peak work hours. I'll just take care of the whole store by myself."

"Did you say something?" Cup Cake called down the stairs.

"I said 'I love you'," Carrot lied.

"You're not by yourself," Pinkie said from behind him. Carrot nearly jumped out of his fur. For as noisy as she usually was, she was even worse when she was silent.

"FOR PONY'S SAKE! Don't sneak up on me like that!" Carrot shouted.

"Oh, sorry. Do you want me to wear a cowbell so you can hear me coming?" she asked. Carrot could only imagine the cacophony of her bouncing around with something like that.

"No. NO! Do not do that!"

"Aww," she frowned. Carrot rubbed the bridge of his nose, trying to collect his thoughts.

"Where are the foals?" he asked.

"In the playpen where I left them. Weird right? It was the last place I expected to find them."

"Did you finish that delivery order?" he asked.

"Almost. The cake is about done baking and I'm just about to mix the frosting."

"Okay, good."

"Are you excited about Hearts and Hooves Day coming up?"

"Yes. It will be good for business," he said.

"That's not what I mean, silly! I mean are you excited about Hearts and Hooves night?" she asked, arching her eyebrows suggestively. "Got any big plans? What are you two going to do that night, Carrot?"

"The same thing we do every night Pinkie,"

"Try to take over the world?"

"No, we- wait, what!?"

"Nothing."

"Uh, okay, I was going to say, the same thing we do every night. Clean up the shop, and the kitchen. Put the foals to bed, brush our teeth, and go to sleep," he said, relishing the thought of sleep. What he would give for a full night's sleep. Or even just a nap. A nap right now sounded great. Construction ponies began to file into the bakery. Carrot looked at the clock. It was already the lunch rush!?

"Pinkie, cover the counter! I need to get Cup back down here."

"Roger Dodger!" Carrot trotted upstairs, to the bedroom where Cup was likely penning her letter.

"Cup I really need you to come down and hel-"

"ZZZZZZZZZzzzzz" Cup snored on the bed.

"What is THIS!" he hollered

"Huh, wha-" Cup snapped awake. "Oh, I'm sorry honey, I set an alarm on the clock. I just needed to close my eyes for a minute."

"I thought you were writing a letter! You sounded like it was urgent!"

"I tried to, but I've got a headache," she said.

True Love is all about patience. A moment of patience, in a moment of anger, can save a thousand moments of regret.

Carrot huffed, and swallowed his anger. He trotted into the bathroom, bringing back a small bottle.

"Here, this should help," he said as he rubbed the lavender oil on her temples. "But I really need you back downstairs."

"Okay. I'm right behind you," she said. Cup Cake followed her husband back downstairs.

"Welcome back, Mr. and Mrs Cake. Did you two get a little zoom zoom in the boom boom?"

"Pinkie!" Carrot barked.

"What? It's the name of the new pastry I invented," Pinkie said. "I made extra so you guys could have some for lunch. I just wanted to make sure you got some."

"Oh. Thank you." Cup and Carrot each took a moment to eat some of Pinkie's creation. As was usually the case for the working cooks, they ate while still moving on their hooves. The work never stopped, after all.

"Another order, ready for delivery," Carrot called out. That was Pinkie's cue. She bounced out of the kitchen, with the foals on her back. They had been riding around on her for most of the afternoon. She knelt down and let them off onto the floor, putting on her back, in their place, the box for delivery. Carrot just stared, half-paying attention at her as she bounded across the floor, with seemingly limitless energy, and out the door. Cup Cake also noticed this. Not Pinkie herself, but Carrot staring.

"Something caught your eye?" she asked, accusingly.

"What?" he asked, genuinely confused.

"See something you like?" she asked. Carrot froze like a deer in headlights. See something he liked? Was she talking about herself? Was Cup Cake fishing for compliments? She must have been feeling self-conscious.

"Um, yes?" he said. Cup Cake threw a muffin tray at him. Pumpkin Cake caught it with her magic and tossed it back at Cup, thinking it was a game of catch. Cup dodged the pan.

"Why you- How could you say that!?" Cup cried out at him.

"What?"

"What! Do you think you're going to trade up for a younger model?"

"What!?"

"I saw the way you were looking at her! You think she's prettier than me?" Cup Cake's anger boiled over and she started bawling tears, collapsing right there behind the counter.

"WHAT!? Pinkie!? NO! I didn't- I would never- oh Honey buns!"

"I'm sorry- I'm just so saaaaaah-aaaah-aaaaaaad!" Cup Cake cried into her hooves. Carrot Cake just stood there in shock at his wife, shifting though every emotional gear before he could even comprehend what was going on. "And the dishes are still dirtyyyyyy! Your mother was right!" she cried. Carrot felt like he was trying to disarm a bomb. He was so unsure about what to do. Any move, anything he did could be a wrong move. But the countdown was ticking. Doing nothing at all was a SURE wrong move.

"There there, uh, honey," he tried. "Don't feel so bad."

"Don't tell ME what to do!" she snapped. She stood up and instantly composed herself, wiping her face with her apron. "I am going to do the DISHES!"

"...okay..." he answered meekly. What even did just happen? She must be just having one of those days. Mrs. Cake washed the dishes. She liked washing the dishes. Well, it's not so much that she liked it, but rather, it was therapeutic. It was simple, mindless. There was a stack of dirty dished. And the stack of clean dishes. And a clear indication of her progress as she worked. It helped her to calm down, and it passed the time.

"Hello deary," she said, walking back out some time later. Carrot jumped at the sound of her voice. "What was all of that earlier, huh? Crazy. Oh well," she said, smiling as though the meltdown from earlier hadn't even happened. Carrot was still a bit on edge. The foals were hanging out around Carrot's legs, gnawing on his shins while he kept watch over them at the register until Pinkie got back. Cup picked up Pound. "Uh oh, smells like somepony needs a changing. Pumpkin started whining as well. "And a feeding. Dear, could you change their diapers?"

"Why am I always on diaper detail?" Carrot asked.

"Because I'm always on feeding detail," Cup Cake said. "The day that you grow a pair of mammaries, then we can renegotiate."

True Love is about compromise

"Wait a minute! Wait a minute!" Twilight waved her hooves in frustration. "That doesn't sound like True Love! That sound... awful! Dysfunctional! This is crazy! It's nothing like what I've read!"

"What you've read?" Mrs. Cake asked.

"Yes! In books about romance."

"Romance novels? HA!" Mrs. Cake threw head head back laughing. "There's a reason those are found in the fiction section! You'll never read a 'romance' novel about a couple who have been married for years, raising little ones. It's not fun to read about, but that is what True Love is."

"What are you talking about?" Carrot asked, walking passed them.

"Twilight is trying to learn about True Love. I was just telling her about it, using yesterday as an example. And how it's nothing like in the books she's read."

BZZZZT

"Ooh, the tarts are done," Mrs. Cake said. "I need to go take those out and glaze them. I'm going to be a while."

"I'll watch the counter," Carrot said as she trotted off.

"Mr. Cake, I don't understand! How can this be? How come True Love isn't like in the stories I've read?"

"No. No it's not," he said. It wasn't with the cheerful jest that Mrs. Cake had, either. Twilight could see it in his eyes. Something that she had never seen before. It was the look of a pony who had seen so much, that a Bugbear could attack the town tomorrow and it wouldn't even phase him. And she had stared down demons. "So she was telling you about yesterday?"

"Yes. It was after she had that breakdown, and the foals needed to be changed and fed."

"Yeah, that breakdown was uh..." he trailed off, as though he was trying to recount a flashback from a horrible war. He stared passed Twilight, at the wall, at nothing really. He just stood and stared off into space, as though he was lost in the contemplation of the complexity of the whole cosmos. He blinked and shook his head. "So, yeah, it was time for their afternoon feeding..."

Pinkie Pie had just gotten back, and was watching over the counter. Upstairs, Carrot looked down at his foals on the changing table, laying side by side. He took a moment and psyched himself up. It was like jumping into a hole in the ice of a lake. He knew what to expect each time, but nothing could ever prepare him for it. He opened the diaper.

"Oh... boy... that sure is... something..." he forced a smile. He couldn't show any sign of disgust, or being upset. He couldn't make this a negative experience for the foals or else it would give them a complex, Mrs. Cake had told him. He discarded the soiled diaper and wiped and powdered each foal, making sure to use the ointment so that they didn't get a rash. And he buttoned them up with a fresh diaper. Pumpkin smiled at him. "Oh." He looked down at her, smiling back at him. She was happy, and comfortable in her new diaper. She felt safe, and secure. And she was happy. He wiped the sweat from his forehead. His mane was a disheveled mess. His legs ached. His head pounded. Everything hurt. But when she smiled at him, none of that mattered anymore. She smiled at him and it made it all, all of it, worth it.

He carried them over to Cup Cake, waiting for them on the bed to feed them. He placed them at her teats, and they instinctively suckled. He turned to walk out of the room, but waited at the doorway for a moment, watching his wife with their children.

"You know why it's called 'Fillies Gone Wild'?" Carrot asked Twilight. She looked at him, confused. "The video series, Fillies Gone Wild. Do you know why it's called that instead of Mares Gone Wild?" he asked. She blushed and shook her head. "It's because that is what they are. Little fillies, on school break, behaving recklessly, drinking excessive amounts of cider and committing lewd acts in public on camera. When Mares go wild, ponies die or end up in jail. It's their teats."

"What?" Twilight asked, even more confused than before.

"Their teats," Mr. Cake repeated. "Fillies flash them in those videos. And you can tell that they've never had a foal. To them, it's still a sexual thing. They're still young, nubile, full of potential with their whole lives ahead of them."

"Their teats?" Twilight asked in half-disgust and disbelief.

"Yes. I used to be able to watch those videos. But I can't anymore. Those fillies are now closer to my daughter's age than my wife's. I can't look at them like that anymore."

"You're not allowed to?"

"No, it's not like that. Of course I'm allowed to." He ran a tired hoof through his mane. "I just can't enjoy them, personally, like that anymore." They both blushed. "My point is, I'm married to a MARE. I could never go back to a filly again."

"But what does that have to do with... with their teats?" Twilight asked.

"My wife, Cup Cake? Her teats are not those of a pretty young filly. My wife is a mare. Her teats are not for me. They nourish our foals. Her teats are old, saggy, and chewed up. You're not a mare unless your teats look like that. And you're not a stallion until you've sucked one of them." He looked over at Shining and Cadance sitting in their booth, nuzzling as they shared a cherry between their kissing lips. He pointed at them. "That. That there? That's not True Love. That there is easy. She's beautiful. He's handsome. They... they still barely know each other. Just wait until that morning when he rolls over to hug her and he squeezes a fart out of her. Wait until she loses her looks. Once she pops out a couple of foals and her teats get worn out from them. If he still loves her after all of that, then THAT is True Love."

"For better or worse..." Twilight recited. Mr. Cake looked at her.

"True Love isn't about when things are going well. It's about when things are at their worst," he said, "and sticking with it anyways." Mrs. Cake walked back out from the kitchen. She set the tarts under the counter, on the rack behind the glass. "Those smell great, dear."

"They're just tarts," Cup said.

"And you cooked the crap out of them," he said, smiling as he gave her a kiss on the cheek. She blushed at the off-color complement. Shining Armor and Cadence got up from their booth, leaving behind a sizable bag of bits before they exited the store. They had never even noticed that Twilight was even there, lost in each other's eyes.

"Must be nice," Cup Cake muttered. "Being able to just go out on a date. Having the bits to spend on themselves like that. I hope they enjoy it while they can."

"Hey, why don't we go out!" Carrot said in a joking, sarcastic tone, "Let's go out on an expensive date!"

"Okay!" Cup said back.

"Oh, wait, we can't," Carrot said

"We have foals!" They said in unison, each holding up one of their children. "And a business to run. We can't have any fun anymore."

"Are you two not happy that you have foals?" Twilight asked, concerned. Cup Cake smiled.

"Twilight dear, we are happy," she said. "We may not be able to just do whatever we want anymore, but it's because we have responsibilities. We have a business. We're married. We have foals. It's a different kind of happy. You'll understand one day. Some things you just have to learn on your own. Like wisdom." Twilight nodded, seemingly in understanding.

"I uh, I need to go write my report," Twilight said, gathering her things and stepping down from her stool. "Thank you for... lunch. And everything."

"Don't be a stranger..." Mrs. Cake said, Mr. Cake joining in, "...Princess," they said together. Twilight smiled and waved goodbye.

Back at her tree castle, Twilight sat at her desk, staring at her scroll.

Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I studied the meaning of True Love.
True Love is

She stared at the blank page beneath the last three words. She had been so excited that morning to learn about True Love. She was prepared to take notes, and write a proper report. Be she wasn't prepared for this. The reality of True Love, it was nothing like in any of the books. Twilight still did not fully understand it. But then, how could she? True Love wasn't something that one simply read about, or studied. It was something that you felt, deep in your soul. It was something you had to experience yourself. There was one thing that she knew for sure though...

True Love is scary.

That evening, Carrot wiped down the counters and closed up the shop. He and his wife had seen many couples that day coming in for romantic outings. Cup Cake cleaned up the kitchen as he upturned all of the chairs and mopped the floor.

"I'm going to put the foals to bed." Cup Cake said, walking out of the cleaned kitchen. "Can you finish up here?"

"Sure." She carried the foals upstairs. He thought about Shining and Cadance sitting there that day. They made it look so easy. He tried to remember what that was like. Before they had foals, before they had a business, back before they were even married, when they were still dating. They were happy just to be in the same room together. He remembered her face, that night that they first met. He felt butterflies at the memory. She wasn't the same filly he knew back then.

He walked upstairs after her. Pinkie was already asleep in her room on the third floor. Cup Cake was on the bed, giving the foals their evening feeding. They suckled on her chewed-up teats. Her teats looked just like the rest of her. She looked tired, and ragged and worn out.

And beautiful.

She had an energy, a strength inside that he knew meant that she would never give up on them. He smiled at her from the doorway. She was the mother of his foals. His wife. His True Love.

Once the foals finished, he put them into their crib while Mrs. Cake got changed into her nightie. He got out of his work clothes and climbed into bed. It had been a long day.

"Hey, honey?"

"Mmm?"

"It's Hearts and Hooves Day still," he said.

"Mmhmm. It was good for business today," she said.

"Yeah well... I was wondering... do you want to... maybe... fool around?" he asked. She opened her eyes and rolled toward him.

"You know what? Okay." She rolled onto her back and closed her eyes, waiting for him. And waited. She didn't feel him moving in the bed. "Carrot? Are we going to make love?" she asked.

"Nnggh," Carrot stretched, laying on his back. "Uh, no. I'm actually too tired. But it was just nice to hear you say yes."

.....

"Do you want to... snuggle?" she asked. He shifted over, closer and wrapped his hoof around her, squeezing. She winced.

*BBRRTTttt*

"Oh, come on!" he groaned.

"I love you," Cup giggled.

"Ugh, I love you too."