I found myself on a train. Was that pony world just my dream? I think I just fell asleep on a train.

Well, everything is here. I am still human, I wear my hoodie, black t-shirt underneath it, black jeans, black sneakers. My smartphone is with me, and there is mobile connection. My headphones are like they always were.

Just a dream, just a dream. And I don't know how would my brain come up with it. How the hell could that happen?

And now I notice that the train is completely empty, at least my cart. And it's a little bit... dark and cold. I guess I should've put on something warmer than a pair of jeans and sneakers.

Looking out of the window, I see only a dark forest. Wait... There are no forests near anywhere I usually be. What the hell?! Did I get on the wrong train?

I guess all I have to do is to wait.

Half an hour later, I decided to contact the engine-driver. I think there is a button somewhere...

Aha, here it is! Pressing it, I talk into it: "Uh, hello, I fell asleep on the ride and I, uh, don't know when and where the next stop is. Can you, please, tell me?"

"Let me give you some advice, son," a slightly distorted voice spoke from the speaker. "Ativ avon aut ereretnoc ilon. Remember it when the train ride ends. You have ten more minutes."

"Uh... Thanks, I guess?" I replied, confused more than ever. What did he say? I couldn't understand a single word from the advice! The hell is this? Is the driver fucking drunk?!

Damn it all...

Sitting back on my place, I let my mind wander a bit.

Just what is happening around me? First, this weird dream about ponies, now this. I always lived an average life, I don't need anything else. There is also a chance that I end up dead if I try to do anything. When I'm just a simple man, no one's going to do anything about me.

No pain — no gain, Michael.

What? Who spoke that? What the fuck?! This is really creepy...

Wasting life is just so pathetic...

I don't waste it!

It is not a way of human, but of a small, helpless pony, who never wants change. If you, dear Michael, was in charge of any country, you would halt the progress...

This is not a human way.

What are you?! What do you need?! Get out of my head!

I need you to stop being USELESS! There are thousands like you! They do NOTHING and they want NOTHING! All you want is to consume, not to create! There is no progress inside yourself, you are degrading!

I am not! I exercise every day, I don't smoke, drink, consume any type of drugs, I follow the law!

That doesn't make you a good man, Michael. You did nothing to help humanity, and you keep on doing it! There is all kinds of shit happening around the world, and you're sitting at home, doing nothing, being egoistic and self-centered! I thought very high of you when we first met, you are the voice of reason, so I thought until now. Tell me, then, why are you degrading?!

Fuck off!

That is expected... But you'll understand that you can change the new world, even if you deny this fact so much that your type of thinking could bring it to destruction.

The train slowly came to a halt, and a feminine voice sounded.

"This stop is E...tria, next stop is..."

What the hell, I'm getting out of here.

I woke up with a startling gasp and a racing heart.

A nightmare... I will forget it sooner or later.

The light is dim in the room I was sleeping. I could see sunrise from the window, and it happens really fast.

Whatever, I feel nature's call, and that means I must use a bathroom real quick.

Standing on my two legs, I fall. What the f...

Wait, I'm still a pony. It was not a dream after all.

Getting up, now on all four legs, I started slowly walking to the bathroom.

After finding out how to exactly relieve as a pony, I did what I must, then went back to the bed. I think I can't sleep right now, so I just sat on a bed and looked out of the window.

What have I gotten myself into... I was turned into a pony, was welcomed by pink, cocainous mare, was hit with lightning by some kind of a supervillain, and then received an apology from her... My life is crazy, duh.

"Oh, you're awake!" Pinkie Pie startled me, jumping from nowhere.

"Gah!" I fell on my back. "Pinkie, you scared me!"

"Whoopsie, sorry!" she smiled sheepishly at me. "You know what, it is time for school!"

Well, time to go to school. A pink blur was for a moment all around me, and then I felt unfamiliar weight on my spine.

Oh, that's saddlebags. I think my stuff's right there.

Well, time to go. But where is the school?

After getting information on how to get to school, I thanked Pinkie and walked out of the Sugarcube Corner. Well, school, we meet again.

After my uneventful trip to the building of school, which I say is very small even for a village of Ponyville, I saw about ten other colts and fillies. A light magenta earth pony mare with mane of pink and lighter pink and three smiling flowers as her flank mark is standing there as well, and I think she's the teacher.

"Oh, hello, I suppose you are Flame Metal, right?" she asked me as I approached her. Giving her a nod, I let her continue. "Well, I am your new teacher, and my name is Cheerilee. Welcome to the Ponyville Schoolhouse!"

Giving her a smile and a nod, I join the group of foals to see what they're doing. Apparently, nothing but chatting about the school. Surprisingly, all of them were looking forward to it, they were being enthusiastic. Well, that is honestly a surprise for me, one can rarely see a kid wanting to go to school willingly.

Well, I do, but it is because this place is more interesting than Earth. Well, here's we have magic! Real magic! That is super awesome!

After about fifteen minutes, everypony was there, total of fifteen, including me, and we proceeded into the school. For such a small building, it is rather well-kept and in no need of repair. It is cozy, but nothing too special.

Taking a place in the back of the third row of school desks, I pull out the notebooks, quill, ink well and paper. Well, I don't know how to write with a quill using my magic, but I did use quills in the school when I was a teenager. My penmanship was great back then, quills are actually a little bit better than a common pen in terms of good writing. While leaving a few ink stains here and there, I managed to come out with good results. I continued to use quills from then on, even when I took my first job. Most people are surprised by the fact that I use quills instead of ball-point pens, but all of them quickly get used to it.

So, I think I'll manage to do everything with magic even better!

When the bell rang, everypony stopped what were they doing and waited for the teacher to start our first lesson ever.

"Hello, pupils!" miss Cheerilee spoke, entering the class. Everypony answered in kind. Huh, we weren't asked to stand up. That's... odd. "As you all know by now, I am Cheerilee, and I am your teacher until you become of age sixteen."

Huh, ponies seem to age as humans here. I guess I won't be living just about forty years, even if I wasn't an ageless alicorn.

"So," the teacher continued. "To understand you all better, I need you to write a simple test. It will not influence your study much, but it will help me to understand who is prepared and who is not. Ready a piece of paper and a quill, and sign the paper with your name."

Opening the ink well, I dip my quill's end into it. Imagining that I grabbed the quill like I used to do as a human, I started to write. Surprisingly, I did rather well, not leaving any ink stains. Well, I guess magic can act as hands if I want it to do so. And ink is better than that I used before. It dried almost instantly.

Suddenly, I see everypony staring at me.

What?

"Well, I see that you already know how to use your magic, Flame." the teacher answered the question that I silently asked everypony in the room. "It is quite impressive, considering your age."

Looking at others, I notice that even unicorns use their mouthes to write. Uh, that's weird.

The teacher walked to me and looked at the piece of paper.

"Excellent penmanship as well!" she smiled at me. "Can I show it to others, please?"

Giving her a nervous nod of approval, I allow her to show my writing to everypony. Somehow grabbing it with a hoof, she shows it.

"And that is how all of you are supposed to write, my little ponies." Cheerilee said with a smile.

"I'm nothing special, miss Cheerilee." I weakly said. "Aren't all unicorns supposed to be able to do magic and write like this?"

"Not until they're age of ten, and you are eight." she shook her head. "Perhaps you're just an early bloomer, and that makes you special. And I haven't ever seen such penmanship as yours."

"I'm just quick learner, that is." I muttered. I don't really like to boast, and I don't like everyone looking at me as if I climbed the Everest without anything but my underwear on.

Cheerilee just smiled at me and continued the lesson. She gave us a small test.

Well, it is really easy, though I know nothing about geography and history, so that's what I wrote on the paper. There were a few questions about language and math, and they were really easy, well, at least for me. Piece of candy.

When time has come for all to hand Cheerilee our papers, I was one of the first to be ready. Well, it went better than I expected.

Then, Cheerilee sat at her desk and started reading what we've written. She called us one by one to her table and gave us a piece of advice about here and there, while we sat and quietly chattered with each other, not distracting our teacher much.

Nopony talked to me, but I could hear that they talked about me. I pretended that I didn't hear. It doesn't matter what other foals think of me. They are way too young for me to take any interest in conversing with them anyway. I don't think I'll find anything that they would talk to me about interesting.

After five minutes of sitting, I was called to the teacher's desk. Everypony went silent and looked at me. I got up from the chair and walked to the teacher, ignoring the stares.

"Well, your work is one of the best in class." she told me, seemingly speaking too loud, but it was just the silence in the classroom. "But you know nothing about geography and history of Equestria?"

I heard murmurs among pupils.

"You can say that I fell straight from the sky." I chuckled weakly. "I am from really far away, parents sent me here without really anything beyond subjects that they said will give me a needed advantage." I hate lying, but it is all I can do. I have no idea how to tell the truth without sounding crazy.

"And geography?" she cocked her eyebrow, looking at me.

"We didn't really have anything on the subject, that is what parents told me. I can read a map and understand it, though. We didn't have world maps or any other maps but of our place."

"Well, that is certainly bad." Cheerilee sighed. "There is no way I could teach you with the rest of the class while you know nothing on these two particular subjects. Say, do you have some free time after school, Flame?"

"I think I have some." I replied. "But I promised Pinkie Pie to help her at the Sugarcube Corner after school."

"Well, when you complete whatever task she lays on you, please come to the schoolhouse. I will be here until sundown, I have a really big 'collection' of paperwork to do. I could teach you some basics on history on geography along the way."

"I think I can come, miss Cheerilee."

"Excellent. So, I am waiting for you today." she told me with a smile. "I see a promising student in you, Flame Metal."

Then, we all had a conversation when we told everypony about each other. I am not comfortable with this, but I think I can tell them something. Basically, we were asked when and where were we born, what did we do before going to school, and what are we hoping to succeed here.

"Mah name's Apple Bloom. Ah was born on twenty sixth of January of twenty nine ninety second year after the Foundation of Equestria." the yellow filly with red mane spoke. "Ah was born in the family of Apples, the largest family in Equestria. Ah learned how tah read and write from mah sister Applejack, and was helping her at the Sweet Apple Acres with some light work. Mah granny always says that Ah can't do the hard work..."

She continued on for some time, and I didn't really listen.

And yes, they've got the same calendar, though it remains a mystery to me as to why would they have the same as we do. The year is different, and woohoo, I arrived at the year of three thousand! Ain't that great? Epic date to be turned into a pony, that is for sure.

After more fillies and colts told about themselves, it was my turn.

"Uh, my name is Flame Metal," I began quietly, my voice just loud enough for everypony to hear. I hate talking in front of crowds, especially when one has only kids. "I was born on thirteenth of December of twenty nine ninety first year after the Foundation of Equestria. Uh, I was born in a family of a retired officer and a musician. I learned from my parents everything I know now. My father was rather strict and told me how to do everything I was tasked with to perfection, while my mother taught me how to play the piano and guitar, as well as how to sing and compose. They sent me to learn more here. Uh, that's all."

Yeah, I am a ma— colt of many talents. That does include singing, playing any guitar, any keyboard, being trained in martial arts, trained to use a gun, et cetera. I also learned a few languages: English, my native one; Russian, German and Latin. Yeah, not the best choice to learn the dead language, but it does sound ominous and cool. Yeah, not the best reason to learn it, but whatever.

My father was really strict, yet he taught me a lot of things. That was hard, but in the end all of my skills helped me here and there. If I went to Special Ops, there would be ninety percent chance that I would get there without absolutely any problem. But I didn't want to dedicate myself to the military, so instead I lived my life like a regular one. Sleep, eat, job, eat, relax, sleep. Nothing more, nothing less. That was until I was thrown into the world of talking ponies of all possible colors. That's just great, isn't it?

There is also something that helps me with singing. There is a mutation in my body, which touched my vocal system inside, so I can copy pretty much any voice I want, and probably make a lot of sounds, too. The mutation also expanded my lungs, their capability is really good for swimming. For example, I can hold my breath up to seven minutes if I don't move and am calm.

I think I inherited it from my mother. She can sing in plenty of voices, and won a few medals on underwater swimming.

"If you are so talented, why don't you have a cutie mark yet?" the pink filly with a tiara atop her head asked me, breaking in my thoughts.

"Um, what's a cutie mark?"

"A cutie mark is a mark on each of one's flanks, symbolizing their very special talent." Cheerilee answered my question. "We'll have a lesson soon about the cutie mark and its importance."

That's... really girlish name. Who the hell would call those marks 'cutie marks'? Even something like 'special mark' would be more... manly. Whatever, really.

And do I get my cutie mark? I don't think I can have one since, well, I was a human. And any human can be taught to do many things. We can learn a lot of languages, for example. Anyone with enough patience and good memory can. But that doesn't get us any marks. Nor does anything else.

And I guess if I am ever going to have one, I just have to discover my special talent. Whatever, I can do it later, it's not like I will disappear because of lack of one.

The bell rang, signaling for everypony the end of the lesson. Sighing in relief, I stood up from my desk.

"Well, you all have twenty minutes to do anything you want. If you want to play, the playground is just outside the schoolhouse."

Twenty minutes?! I always had ten! Lucky ponies!

I decided to spend some time outside to breathe some fresh air. Putting on my headphones and turning one of the songs from Blessed & Possessed album of Powerwolf, I exited the schoolhouse and walked to the playground.

Damn, it is pretty good compared to what I had as an excuse of a playground.

Taking place under a tree, I closed my eyes and listened to music. Fine heavy metal is what I always need.

Well, I don't listen just to Powerwolf. There is also Ghost B.C, Skillet, Sabaton, Rammstein, Dragonforce, all are rock or metal. There are only a few songs of each of those bands, the only full discography I have is that of Powerwolf.

I don't listen only to metal as well, it is just my favorite genre of music. I listen to pretty much anything I like, no matter the genre. I listen to orchestral music, electronic music, trap, even some remixes of popular songs or melodies. Well, some people would call me weird for that. How can I listen to any possible music? Well, because I am a music lover. It doesn't matter what genre of music a song is, as long as I like it and it's not about things that I dislike. I pay attention to any lyrics, unlike most people I know. Sounding cool isn't the only thing I want from the song.

Suddenly, I feel a tap on my left foreleg. I open one of my eyes and pause the song I've been listening to. I see two fillies: the earth pony filly with tiara that asked me a question earlier, and another one, gray earth pony filly with white-ish mane and glasses on her snout. She looks rather cute in them, I think.

"Huh?" I asked them, blinking.

"I don't believe you can sing and play any of the instruments as good as you say." said the pink one, glaring at me.

"I can always prove it, just give me a guitar or piano." I replied with a frown. "No need to say I'm an empty-worded liar, you know."

Taken aback by my answer, none of them says anything to me for a minute. The pink filly is just glaring into my eyes, and I reply to her in irritated stare. The contest didn't last long, she averted her eyes.

"Alright... After school, I will bring the guitar here. You will either prove you're the one you say you are, or humiliate in front of all these foals." she gestured at others as they watched me. They stared at me, waiting for my answer. She extended her hoof, waiting for my reply. "My name is Diamond Tiara, do you accept my challenge?"

For a kid, she sounds really serious.

"I, Flame Metal, accept your challenge, Diamond Tiara." I said in a low voice, bumping my hoof with hers.

Like a character from a famous hat simulator said, let's settle this like gentlemen!

After the boring math lesson, which lasted forty minutes (Mine did for forty five, damnit!), we were released from the school. That was really easy, the lesson that is.

Ten minutes later Diamond Tiara walked to me in the playground. She had a mocking grin on her face, she was holding an acoustic guitar.

"Here comes the humiliation." she mocked me. The foals were standing around, looking at me.

"We'll see." I narrowed my eyes. She handed me a guitar.

Sitting on the ground, I lifted it with my magic. Well, guitars are same as the human's ones, albeit smaller. That will make things easier.

Adjusting my position and testing the guitar, I prepared a song.

And I sang. Foals stared at me with awe as I played the song, singing along the way. Yeah, damn it! Feel the power of music!

Adults stopped by to listen to the music as I played.

Reaching the second chorus, somepony tried to sing it with me, and soon most of foals did. Diamond Tiara and her gray friend stared at me in awe.

After I finished, everypony was applauding me, stomping the ground with their hooves. That is good, I suppose.

"I don't know the song, but you are sure good." Diamond Tiara said to me, not a trace of mockery left. "I take my words back, for now."

Nodding to her, I hand her the guitar and head out to the bakery. I have work to do.

"Hi, Flamey, how was your day?" Pinkie Pie greeted me as I entered the bakery.

"Pretty good, I think." I replied. "I had to prove that I could sing and play a guitar, though."

"Oh, that is what I've heard from here... Can you show me?" she asked.

"Uh, My horn's a little bit sore after the performance." I answered with a wince. Having a sore horn is like having a sore forehead, though a little more concentrated and a bit more annoying.

"Okie-dokie-lokie!" Pinkie Pie replied with an unfaltering smile. "Are you ready to cook?"

Bad thing is that we won't be cooking cyan meth, and she's not mister White. God damn right!

Giving her a nod, we started making cupcakes. With a song, no less!

After making about half a hundred cupcakes, my horn felt even more sore. I think I call it a day and go to do the homework.

Good thing is that the teacher gave us textbooks we need. And I still have a lot of time before I have to meet miss Cheerilee, so I think I can do something productive.

Finishing my homework in no time, I decide to go to the teacher. History and geography won't learn themselves, after all. And it's not like I have anything better to do.

Putting on my headphones, I went out of the Sugarcube Corner and headed to the Ponyville Schoolhouse.

Passing ponies, I see that some of them look at me with respect. I think that now all villagers know what I did. I guess I did even better than I thought.

I am not comfortable with the looks they're giving me, even if it is alright. Drowning in my music, I ignore everypony and continue my way to the school.

"Hello, Flame Metal, please come in." Cheerilee greeted me from her desk. Impressive pile of paper lied on her desk in a mess. "Oh, and your performance was really great, I could see you from the schoolhouse." she smiled at me.

I nervously shifted in place. It is a good thing that somepony is praising me, but I don't really want the fame. It brings too many problems.

She put down the paper she was filling, then proceeded to open textbooks on history and geography.

"Well, let us start with geography." she said. "Look here."

Opening a page with a map, she showed it to me.

"Now, where is Equestria?" she asked me. Looking for any signs that could tell me where Equestria is, I see the castle that is on the side of a lonely mountain. I've already noticed it while going through Ponyville. Pointing at it, I tell the teacher where the country is.

"I see you'd found Canterlot, and was able to tell that Equestria is where its capital is. Good." Cheerilee told me with a smile. "Well, there are a few major cities in Equestria, they are Canterlot, Manehatten, and Fillydelphia. Can you find the latter two?

I sense horse-puns. Lots of them. Well, let's see... Manehatten is here, I see some architecture that I recognize. And Fillydelphia... Here! Good thing I travelled with my parents to many cities.

"How do you know?" Cheerilee asked me with curiosity. "Have you been to these cities before?"

"Well, I passed them a few times." I answered slowly. "They are easily noticeable."

Suddenly, I notice ruins in the dark forest nearby. I point at it and ask: "And what is it? It is really close to Ponyville, why is that castle in ruins?"

"That castle is located deep inside the Everfree Forest." I swear I could see the teacher shivering. "Weather happens on its own, nothing can be controlled by ponies there."

A piece of Earth in Equestria, great.

"Is it a real problem?" I asked, dreading the answer.

"Many carnivorous creatures live there." Cheerilee whispered to me. "If they had power here, we would be overrun. Thankfully, they can't live outside the forest for long, so we are safe here."

It is good, but who the fuck build a village near the fucking Forbidden Forest? What if something unexpected happens?

Ponies are insane and stupid, it seems.

Sigh.

"So," the teacher broke into my line of thoughts. "I believe you have the base knowledge of geography of Equestria now, and now we move on to history.

"I will tell you know about Equestria and its early history. Our country was founded three thousand years ago. Before that, there were three divided tribes of ponies: pegasi, unicorns, earth ponies. They had to cooperate, but envied each other for special abilities each representative of each tribe has. Pegasi envied earth ponies for their endurance and strength, earth ponies envied pegasi for their ability to fly and control the weather, unicorns envied pegasi for the same reasons, and everypony envied unicorns for their ability to use magic.

"The hate for each other grew, and the ancient spirits of winter awoke. They were windigos, creatures of ice and snow that fed on hatred.

"The Great Winter started, freezing all the land. All three tribes were forced to move, until they found the land that will later become Equestria. They fought for it, and wendigos found them again. But the three tribes realized that their hate had no real reason behind itself, and they could survive if they cooperate with each other voluntarily. They accepted each other and fought the harsh winter back, and destroyed the wendigos completely. After that, the three tribes united and build Equestria as the land of peace and harmony. The city of Canterlot was founded on the side of a mountain, where the agreement took place all those years ago.

"Each Hearth's Warming Eve, in the last days of December, a play is performed in each big city of Equestria, reminding all the ponies of their victory over hate. The story of Equestria is told to everypony who is willing to listen."

That is... good. But if wendigoes didn't come, the ponies would, most likely, fight each other for eternity, as humans do. Good thing that ponies came to realization that peace is better than war.

"Well, Flame Metal, do you know anything about pony tribes, like what do they do?" Cheerilee asked me.

"Yes, I was taught about that earlier." I nodded.

"Well, then you know now the basics of history." she smiled at me. "You can go home and rest. Don't forget, tomorrow is school again!"

"Goodbye, miss Cherilee!"

I calibrated my clock on the smarphone, so that the date and time there are the same as in Equestria. Today is the twenty third of June, monday, time is three thirty two p.m. Well, it seems that the school starts in June here, and I think it's good. After all, there must be a month or two somewhere when we can be free from school.

Well, I still have at least six hours before the sundown, and I don't know how to spend them. No internet, no games besides those on my smartphone. And I can't play them, there is nothing that magic can do with that.

Or can it? I know that the capacitance of my body allows me to use my smartphone. The smartphone detects the difference between air and the input capacitance, and it allows any human to use the smartphones that use capacitive sensing technology. So, if I somehow manage to conduct using my magic... Well, it should work.

Willing my magic to change into needed capacitance, drawing it from my body, I touch the screen with magic.

It works, damnit! Hell yeah, I invented magic-based stylus!

Well, there are a few games that I have on my smartphone, but it's better than nothing.

Yeah, good ol' Brutal Doom, ported on Android! Nothing can be better that a relaxing session of slaying demons from hell. The controls are shitty, but everything's better with magic.

Wait... The fuck?

UNHOLY FUCKERY! MY GAMES ARE FULL OF PONY!

Fucking shit, how... What? What the fuck?! WHAAAAT?! My Brutal Doom is fucking... made of pony! Ponified!

Instead of the main character, there is an armored pony. Instead of any zombie, a pony. Even the fucking cyberdemon got ponified, now he stands on four legs, and the rocket launcher is mounted into his right foreleg!

Wait, if my games were all ponified as I was...

...

I'm not going to look into the porn folder.

...

Fuck it, I just need a confirmation. Well, here are all my folders... I go here... Here, and... Here it is, porn folder.

Well, here goes nothing.

...

Sigh.

...

My porn is full of ponies!