“I’m sorry, but I am having difficulty believing your explanation of your actions. Correct me if I am wrong, but you are some form of guard whose sole purpose is to protect others, and yet before you could explain your actions in my… private chambers you rush out and begin to initiate combat with my guards. Please elaborate why you can even claim innocence.” scolded Princess Celestia who was now staring at her world’s newest inhabitant.
The room was packed, a large grand antechamber, filled with guards and ornate decorations. The sun shined through the stained glass windows, scattering a spectrum of colour across the floor. The guards were itching for a crack at me, that much was obvious even with training. My main concern was the biggest threat to me in the room, who had displayed her powers and how much they outweighed my own strength tremendously. It was never a fair fight once she stepped in.

In front of me was an alicorn, reeking of purity and laced with gold. Her coat was, admittedly, a lovely shade of white, and her mane was a trio of colours: warm pink, moss green and faded sky blue that flowed in an ethereal fashion. That was not a surprise to me, as many females back in hell had that as a trend, including my closest friend. When thing I was wary of, as where that horn was pointing. As sharp as any spear I’ve trained with, but by far more dangerous, the last time I saw it in action I collapsed and woke up bound in chains.

“Aye, I only wished for a chance to return home, and well, I didn’t really wish to hang around given the situation we found ourselves in, so I ran out. That was when your guards ambushed me. I apologise for disturbing you during resting hours, but I was brought here against my will. I also apologise for ruining your desk as I ran out in a blind panic, the circumstance was not in my favour. I will NOT apologise for defending myself against your guardians.” I glanced around at all of the guards, who stared back daggers. “They were formidable opponents, they should be proud. Honestly, I wish to return to my post, guarding the worst of the worst from escaping. I do not have time to indulge you, princess.”

She remained motionless; the only sign of processing my speech came from the narrowing of her pupils as she glared at me.

“Now, little one.” she said, closing her eyes and returning to an admittedly eerily peaceful tone. “May I remind you that you are in my custody, and that I will restrain you once more if you continue to show little respect? I can understand that you may be angry, but have you considered that perhaps I am also in the right to be a little upset given that you have injured my guards and staff?” she asked, soothing my irritation.
I suppose if she is willing to give me the freedom to move once more, without being restrained by… whatever that overwhelming spell was, then the least I could do is be civilised to the princess.

“You seem similar to one who passed through eons ago, not full of anger, but rather confused and lost. I suspect you may have similar backgrounds. For that I will give you the benefit of the doubt, but be warned, if you betray my trust you will be punished instantly.” Her stare remained neutral for a while, both hiding her emotion but telling me how serious the matter was. “Are we clear?”
It had been a long time since I heard that sentence. The last time was in the final phases of my training back in Hell.

“I do not wish to aggravate, I am sincerely sorry, and hope you may forgive me. If you don’t, I will understand, but allow me to offer the story of how I got here as an olive branch.” I offered, with slight guilt at upsetting the Princess. The last time I felt guilt was when I got the job of protecting the underworld.

The intensity of her stare subsided, but she still bore a burning frown. I admit I preferred her this way. Ever since my appearance I've seen humiliation and I guess I had witnessed irritation. This was the calmest I've seen her.

“Very well, how did you enter our world?” she asked, still holding a commanding tone.

“It may be difficult for you to understand, but what I am about to say is nothing short of the truth.” I sighed, deciding it would be best to give her the gist of what exactly I do. “Besides defending the prison, I am sometimes in charge of monitoring transfers to other…wards let’s say. With that in mind, you must understand that I deal with the most foul, degenerate, and dangerous souls to-” I came to an abrupt halt, when I had to consider how much they actually knew about the afterlife. At the moment, it may not be beneficial to reveal that I was the underworld.
Humans never really took well to that approach, from what the exorcised told me anyway.
She seemed in deep thought, she must have picked up that I was not being truly honest with her. Was simply habit for me, but often due to necessity, if needed that habit was easy to break.

“I see. How does this tie into your explanation of your intrusion?” She added, slightly irritated, more or less easing up into a conversational mood, however. I was surprised that she didn’t delve into deeper detail at first.

“One day, I was rectifying a mistake made by the previous guard…which was the second to happen in perhaps 1,278 years, if my history is correct.”

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“Hey, guess what, it’s your lucky day well, if you can even remember the sun anyway.” I chuckled, looking down from the living balcony. The bowels of Hell are aptly named so, care to guess why? My claws wrapped around the soft tissue bar as my ember eyes gazed upon a killer. This one was squirming in a river of boiling blood down in level seven. The constant barrage off arrows was overkill in my opinion, but I was not allowed to interfere with the traditional method. I ordered the centaurs to cease fire and bring the soul up to me.

The pain in his eyes said three-hundred years was wearing him down. He was sorry, but he had not yet done his time. Also, he would have to start over again; he had been in the wrong level for three centuries, serving a lesser punishment.

“You were charged with the murder of 5 children, and the rape of six women; truly a disgusting lifestyle which led only to your execution. I am here to rectify a mistake.” I grinned, beaming all of my fangs as they erupted out of my mouth. Oddly enough, I kept some herbivore feature in there too. Go figure. It’s not the scariest thing he had ever seen, I’m sure, but when I take my day off every Halloween my self-esteem is boosted when grown men shit themselves.

He was more than happily, showing his gratitude in an archaic tongue, with such joy in his heart. I could smell it in him. He started crying when he could walk again without feeling any pain. He came to about six feet against my ten. I wanted squash the shit-stain-on-life there and then, but I knew what was coming.

“So I am happy to inform you, you will be going down to level nine: the betrayers.” He looked up, no doubt confused by my language, but he must have formulated a close translation for the chuckle I gave afterwards. Modern languages were infused to a demon’s mind, in case an escapee was ever loose in Rome…again. If a language becomes dead, then it is no longer required; a simple yet effective system.
“Oh, don’t look so sad, you’ll meet new people. Hehe, we overlooked the fact that some of those mortals were your family members, who trusted you, loved you…clearly not the same way you did. Bye.” With that, a screaming soul was dragged down by tentacles coming out the ground. They warped around his struggling form, peeling skin whenever he struggled. Like a beast, Hell devoured the soul at an agonisingly slow rate.

Yeah, I have no shame in saying I was terrified the first time I saw that.

“You take too much joy in what you do, Magma Vein.” I turned to face a demoness from the lust level. She was out of her gear, and into her normal attire. This is weird for her type of demon, considering that they appear as naked humans when working. She wore silver armour that revealed patches of smooth, metallic blue skin. Her tail was like a whip as she strutted towards me. Those magnificent blue eyes focused on me beneath two horns that arched backwards. She had ghostly blue flowing hair, shimmering as it caught the light of spouting flames.

“I doubt you were as cruel as this when you were mortal.” she said. It took me twenty years to get used to the names down here, not at how ridiculous they sounded, but how to recall them. Demons are named not by species, as those exorcism stories would have you believe, but by characteristics.

I was like a human, but much taller. My skin was replaced by dark plates; I had claws tipped with a natural diamond for both hands and feet. The most obvious feature was where the gaps were, liquid fire flowed. I actually liked my new facial structure; almost dragon-like but more compact.
“Your spikes are coming through on your scalp. Awww, my little Magma Vein is growing up.” She cooed, earning an amused sigh from me.

“Sapphire Hue, how can I help you? Yeah, starting sprouting about a week ago and won’t stop growing.” I replied, combing over the buzz saw mane that reached from my forehead to my scalp. “And no, I just keep up the façade I grew up with as a human child. Gotta remind these guys where they are after all.” I smiled; not just because there was piercing scream validating my point but simply due to how she always kept me on track.

“Did you hear the news?” I asked, dropping the smile slightly. A ping of guilt stung my dead heart.

“I understand you got promoted to head Guardian. Well done. You were the first ex-human to make the captain, and now you've become Guardian of Hell as well. It is a truly awesome feat of accomplishment by any demon’s standards.”

I felt my heart sink. “True, but I wished I wasn’t. Cerberus deserved painless death, not what the monster did to him.” Maybe it was me but I still have humility. He, my loyal, demonic, canine companion, was not a mindless beast with similar duties.

He was my friend.

I felt a hand run across my plated arm. “He was feral, and corrupted by something that got out. There was nothing you could do when he attacked you.” she reassured me in such a friendly way. You can call us monsters; we know what we truly are. “I think they found whatever could turn Cerberus into another mindless beast.” she added, appealing to my sense of justice.

“That’s where I’m going next. It is apparently something we have never seen before and has powers to rival that of…” I looked around about to speak a forbidden word “God."

She looked back in horror. “Truly, how so?” she asked, a hand covering her mouth.

“When we placed it in its holding cell, a guard bolted the bottom lock and went the bolt the top, but found it was turned into liquorice. The being looked like a Chinese dragon, with body parts belonging to other beings. The guard tried to catch it, but it fled into a room, and the guard followed. Turned out he was lured into a cell with four walls. He was trapped for three days, listening to the same knock knock joke, over and over again. ‘Knock knock. Who’s there? Nobody. Nobody who? Nobody to miss you!’ each time the walls got closer.” I turned away to overlook the tortured souls below, tightening my grip on the fleshy rail. After a short pause I looked back over my shoulder.
“This time, we found him turning the river Styx into a river of chocolate sticks. They were made of chocolate! Chocolate!” I exclaimed, tossing my claws in t the air. “Why in hell…here…do they get chocolate! I haven’t tasted chocolate in thirty years.” I was beginning to ramble.

“I have never even had chocolate.” She began pouting, propping herself up on the railing next to me. She came to head height when she was sitting on the railing and was still giving me puppy dog eyes.

“Never? Well you've never lived.” She cocked an eyebrow, and pulled a smirk at the concept that this was a form of the afterlife, of course she has never ‘lived.’

I chuckled, “You know what I mean. I’m actually worried about this guy, not just because he is all powerful. Shortly after Cer- me becoming Guardian, he turned himself in. I can’t help but feel as if it’s connected somehow.”
“Please be careful, Magma Vein. I’ve been by your friend for thirty years, and I can safely say the next set of decades won’t be nearly as amusing without you. Especially funerals.”
We both shared a laugh, before I departed to oversee a long awaited matter.

I arrived at Limbo, the ‘waiting room’ of mortals. Many fallen spirits arrive here, surprised and confused. Both the stairway to heaven is here, as is the express way to Hell. Many high ranking officials, such as me, live at this point between both fates. It allows us to drop to the necessary floor, or reach the gates of Hell within minutes. I used to guard the stairs for any soul trying to make a break. Occasional there were a couple of good days, but overall, it was boring.
Walking along the board walks I gazed upon the cattle of souls being fed towards the judge; Saint Peter. Truth be told the guy was an arsehole, tried to condemn me there and then. Demons were always advised to stay out of sight, hence why I’m walking above the herds of the dead. The prison I was heading towards was for the unruly demons of Hell who don’t like to follow the big guy.
This is where I would be getting answers.
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I was stumped to say the least. This was perhaps the most harmless looking entity I have ever come across, and yet he was already displaying his potential. The golem guards rustled their armour as they departed; releasing murmurs and relieve in a voice much akin to grinding rocks.
Somehow, this creature had managed to open what appeared to be a small window to the realm of the living. I could small children playing in the distance on a luscious hill side. The light of the sun was a surprising aspect; the beams of light highlighted the tormented faces carved into the cell walls.
I saw this mix-matched being lower his black shades enough for me to see his yellow eyes. A wicked grin grew, adding emphasis to that single canine peeking out of his upper lip. The rays from the sun bounced off the tanning mirror in his hands (or rather a talon and lion paw) and lightened the tone to his grey coat. Where his neck stopped, chocolate fur ruled the rest of his body. Clearing my threat, burning a glare into him, I walked over to the stone table he sat at.
“Hhhmmm? Oh, don’t mind me, just keeping up my complexion. A dragonesque must look his best.” He removed his shades, revealing a tan line across his snout as he winked.
I ignored him, and continued walking onto I was beside him. Once I came between him and the sun he frowned and said, “You know personal space is there for a rea-” Before he could finish, I slammed his head into the table, shattering that mirror he was using. I took a seat as he peeled his head out of the table, shards of glass poking out of his face. He bared his teeth, scowling at me.
“I don’t take disrespect well; after years of experience you kind of develop a way of coping.” I replied, unimpressed by this creatures antics.
He raised his talon and pinched the air between his thumb and finger, priming his appendage to snap. Upon completion, the window disappeared and his wounds were healed in a dazzling flash. His smirk cracked, unleashing a twisted chuckle.
“Sheesh, wake up on the wrong side of the BBQ? What are you? Some sort of possessed bit of coal?” he asked, agitating me further. “Oh, wait! I know exactly who you are.”
“Many do, and many know what to do if they get on my bad side.” I warned. Yes I was out of protocol, this was supposed to be an interview followed by the book, but he made it personal. Because of his actions Cerberus is dead by my claw and he will answer for it. “I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt, but you have a lot to answer for your crimes.” He yawned in response, summoning a small cup of brown liquid before quickly gulping it down.
I reached over and grabbed him, pulling him over until we were face to face. That smile never faded, but the intensity of those eyes increased dramatically.
“First things first; who and what are you?” I released my grasp, but he still remained inches away.
“Now, now,” he said, acting more composed, “let’s not lose our heads now.” With that I felt a tap on my shoulder. Turning around I found that he was floating there, arms folded… but he was missing his head. His body reached over and plucked his head out of mid-air before screwing it back into place.
“How the fu-“ I would have finished, but with a click of his paw, something sealed my mouth shut. He clicked his tongue repeatedly, giving a disapproving glance whilst waggling a bird finger, before floating by and resting on my shoulder.
“Is that any way for the staff of this fine establishment to talk?” He pulled my cheek, disappearing before I could rip his throat out. “My friend, Lucy, wouldn’t be too happy about the welcoming I’ve been getting,” he said once he reappeared, resting against the wall.
I blinked, and slowly reached for my mouth. I didn’t take my eyes of him as I fingered my maw, feeling the strange sensation of little teeth running across ear canal to ear canal. Upon fumbling around to my right hearing hole, I felt a small metal rectangle protrude out.
The beast in front of me started tittering, bringing his paw to his mouth. I pulled on the tag and heard a zipping, or rather unzipping, sound as it travelled across my mouth. He erupted into a fit of laughter as I remained stunned as to what I had discovered.
“The-Oh, for the love of Celestia- the look on your face!” he cried, writhing around on the wall. Between deep gasps he pushed himself along the wall until he was practically crawling up it. The point when it looked like he was having a fit on the ceiling, I stepped in.
“Quit the crap!” I yelled, flame erupting between my crevices. He stopped, wiping a tear away but was still lounging on the ceiling. “WHO ARE YOU AND WHY DID YOU KILL CERBERUS?!”
“Oh, I am just Discord; spirit of disharmony, god of chaos,” he remarked rolling his claw around. “A good friend of Lucy’s; have you met the guy? Wicked sense of humour, but he’s got the charm to pull it off. Helped me out a while back, sending a gift to an old friend of mine.” He floated down bearing a slightly annoyed look.
“She then turned him into her pet and put him back on guard duty, bah.” He remained hovering meters away, grumbling something. “As for the puppy, not even I predicted that outcome. I had to make sure he wasn’t going to be like his little brother, so I simply gave him a new,” he gave a brief pause before smirking once more, “leash on life.” He chuckled softly at his own pun.
“Little brother?” I asked, taken back.
It can’t be possible, can it? Cerberus had a little brother? I thought, lowering my head slightly.
“But, somebody got in the way before I could check him out and gift wrap him for my friend.” I looked up to see him lounging across the table. “Well, something certainly did. Last time I checked, your kind doesn’t normally grow that big or become so angry. Why if I had known, I would have taken you rather than that risk another dodgy doggy.”
I knew what he was talking about; a demon like me has a last line of defence. It’s a powerful one that I have faced a few times before. Whenever my type of demon, a guard or to be technically correct a ‘Fighter’, faces certain death we turn berserk.
Change.
Grow.
And murder everything posing a threat.
Not many are willing to turn so easily, but those that do often end up trying to escape. It takes a few others to help, but eventually the beast falls. I got lucky; I reverted back by the time I was at the gates.
“Sit down, before I rip you to shreds.” I threatened. In response he chuckled and complied.
“That’s the attitude I was looking for, I knew I would find the right guy here,” he replied, pointing at me from across the table.
“Why? What do you want? I thought you were after Cerberus. Why did you make me kill him?” I asked.
“Me? Kill? Never!” he replied, obviously offended. “That was all your doing; that little trick of yours is quite the scene wrecker, isn’t it?” He leant forward, holding a devious grin. “That’s what I was shopping for!” he exclaimed, summoning a check out till with the click of his fingers. I watched in bewilderment as it started ringing and printing off a recite. After yanking it, he gave it a quick lick and stuck it to my forehead.
“GUARDS!” I yelled, attempting to tear the paper from my head. This ‘Discord’ prisoner was in for an afterlife of pain, which I would gladly administer for the rest of eternity. However, once the blasted notice of sale was torn away, he was standing on the ceiling, a toilet chain within his reach.
“Have a blast, spread some misery, and bestow chaos upon all of Equestria! Oh, and tell Celestia to scrub behind her ears!” He chuckled as he pulled the chain, causing the room to spin. The sound of waves and splashing almost overpowered my shouts. Then I tried to reach along the edges of the room, but found that I could find the door. A swirling vortex pulled me away from my desperate search, until all that I could hear was the dark, distant, maniacal laugh of the beast who.
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“So I arrived in your hot tub, whilst you were playing with the rubber duck. Given the sense of pride and modesty I had, I ran out before you could react. I had been turned into a pony. The guards came in and attacked me, and my instincts took over. I resisted, and may have harmed a few, but then you shot me with something then I awoke in the dungeon. There rest is history.” I had left out the part of the murdering rapist’s crimes, me having to kill a loyal dog, and the name Hell.

My stories had silenced the grand court room. Celestia's horn glowed throughout my recollection, causing my anxiety to spike up. She assured me it was simply a way of testing if I was actually telling the truth. I suppose it was similar to a method us demons had, although this was a vastly greater improvement seeing as it was done at range. Finally her horn stopped glowing.

She arched an eyebrow, “So you are the weapon Discord would use to defeat me? Much like last time, it was a well-trained guard dog that could protect the gates of Tartarus.” She seemed to study me a bit more, eying me up. “Strange, you were honest about your actions, but I couldn’t help but sense that you had left some parts out. You said you would be honest, so I can only assume there are parts you believe would hinder you.” Her horn shone once more, emitting a glorious golden glow.

“Why did you leave some parts of the story out?” she asked in a much less aggressive tone. It was as if she was trying to coax me out, and well, it almost worked.

“I am ashamed of one, but I fear the nature of my work is not suited for those around us.”

“I see, that was the truth. So what are your intentions? Will you harm any pony?” I swear I heard something metallic rustle in the back of my mind.

“No, I only wish to return to my duties. It’s where I belong; those around me are not of my concern as long as they do not attempt to harm me.” I replied.

“So what you are saying is that you will only act in self-defence? That is worrisome, given the state of some of the guards.” she replied, glancing over the armoured equines, all of which were ready to come to aid in a moment’s notice.

“Would you not allow others to do that same?” I replied, glancing around the room. Yeah, the stallion with two back eyes wasn’t exactly giving me a welcoming look that’s for sure.

“True, in this context only. I believe you when you say that you were startled. However, you still committed a crime against the royal guard. We also need to speak in private if I am to trust you.”

“What exactly would be my sentence? Years in a dungeon? Community service? I am sorry Princess, but you do not understand the importance of my return to He- the prison I am stationed at. Many lives are at great risk, although there are those who can cover for me, it is not their job. It would take many to fulfil my role.” I replied, remaining calm. The last thing I need is to be locked up, resulting in me no doubtly attempting to break out, given I still retain my abilities.

“Then you will be closely monitored, not by me, but by one who can replicate the spell I stopped you with a few hours ago. Unfortunately, ruling this land and protecting my citizens is a high priority, so I cannot oversee you personally, but know this.” I looked her in the eye as she stood on all fours.

“I will help you return to whence you came,” she with a small smile.

“Thank you, many owe their gratitude to you your highness.” I said happily, relieved to have enlisted some aid. The guards looked rather disgruntled, but it was clear none of them would question their ruler. Loyalty was definitely abundant here, I could smell it.

“If,” she paused, raising a hoof. “You are willing to behave as a normal citizen and pose no threat to my ponies. You will be given a position to protect my little ponies in a town a short flight away, under the care of my own student. Failure to do so will result in you not receiving my aid. Understand?”

I imagine political negotiations with this mare were nothing short of a challenge. She knew how to play the game, I give her that, a true ruler and leader of her people. The deal seems reasonable, given that the equines didn’t give me a hard time. Protecting a town, in a way, is similar to me protecting the humans from Hell, only on such a microscopic scale. All in all, scare off whatever tries to hurt the town and I’ll be home in no time. I thought, nodding as I listed each positive to the bargain.

“If those are your wishes, I will respect them.” I answered.

“Respect. So you do know that word.” Piped up a guard. I’ll remember her scent for later.

“I will arrange for a carriage to escort us shortly, everypony else dismissed.”

The crowd of ponies slowly left, eventually leaving the hall hollow. With that, she got up and walked next to me. She motioned me to follow her. She wore no expression this time; she must be slowly warming up to me.

We were making our way to the carriage, shackles still attached, when I began apologizing.

“I am sorry we did not get off on the right foot…erm… hoof” ‘that’ll take time to get used to.' “I do hope there is still time to make amends. Once again, I will understand if you refuse.” I added, lowering my head.

She sighed. “Perhaps we have gotten off to a rotten start. It was such an unusual scenario that we met; not many find their way into my bath, let alone my personal chambers.”

“I can hardly say I bathed, as soon as I realised you were female I had to leave.” She once again arched an eyebrow, smirking slightly.

“And how, exactly, did you know I was female?” I grinded to a halt, my eyes widening.

“Well… isn’t it obvious?” I nervously chuckled under her stare. “Lovely coat, delicate features, and a rubber duck with a pink bath cap on, anybody could see that you are a mare.” I saw her smirk as she looked away.

“Well at least you are capable of being pleasant, and I suppose you try to be a gentlecolt, since you left to protect my dignity.” She chuckled before saying, “Or perhaps I should be insulted that upon my appearance you decided to flee for your life.” I didn’t respond; I kept to myself for a while.

“Is something wrong?” she asked. I could have sworn there was deep concern in her words, which only confused me further.

“Why do you trust me?” I asked, not restraining the perplexed look spreading across my face. “It doesn’t make sense.”

“I trust so far as my spell told me to trust you. Yes, you could be deceiving me, but based upon how desperate you are to return to your duties, I had to make sure you would not cause trouble whilst you stay here, hence the sentence.” She gave me a stern look as she said, “Do not worry, I have my doubts, but you now know that I will contain you once more if I have to. My personal student, a prodigy in magic, will have absolutely no issue with restraining you and getting word to me within the hour.”

“I suppose that makes sense, Princess,” I said looking away, gazing down the eloquent corridor. “You do not have to worry, I don’t want to hurt anybody, or pony I guess. Rest assured, I have no agenda that follows what that ‘Discord’ wanted of me.” The mere thought of working for that trickster made my burning blood boil. Looking back at her, I once again spotted her horn glowing. This time she smiled back at me.

“I believe you.” She came to a stop, blinking. “I am dreadfully sorry, with recent events in mind I have forgotten to get your name.”

“Please, call me Magma Vein. I suppose you have a place for us to discuss the parts I left out.” With the slow nod I got in response, I immediately began mentally simplifying the duties of the Guardian of Hell.