It never really sunk in how much my family was unaware. They were all going about their lives blissfully unaware that the outcast nephew or cousin or even grandson wasn’t either of the three. My family was… difficult to describe. My cousins were all years older than me if you wanted to get technical or years younger. This is why I hated visiting family. None of them bothered with me much. I gave up trying to talk to them a while ago. Most of the time I’d get a few words in before sauntering off to sleep under a tree. Even to them I was a freak. A cyborg. If they only knew the half of it. I guess the rich and powerful never saw much of people like me.

Needless to say I wasn’t looking forward to this meeting. And Spitfire was going to meet them. Oh I could see already how this was going to go.

“Cat do I have to go?” I asked as I stepped into the hallway.

“Yes! Dad didn’t just travel all the way from Mars for nothing,” Cat shouted from her room.

“Can’t me and Spits just stay home?”

“What would you do?”

“I can think of a few ideas. I have an air horn up here, a ladder, Dane leaves his windows unlocked, and he’s dealing with a hangover.”

“As much as I would love to let you torture him I can’t. Aunt Kathy is expecting us to be there.”

“Why’s she expecting us? She should only be expecting you! She fucking hates me!”

“No she doesn’t.”

“Yeah she does. And I quote, ‘You should do something important with your life! Like become a Lawyer! Or get a nice government job like your sister! You’re wasting your life by going to that flight school!’”

“Okay maybe she’s a little obtrusive-”

“She’s the most controlling bitch in the universe! Who does she think she is telling me what to do with myself? If I want to go to that academy I’ll do it!”

“She’s your aunt Jett.”

“I don’t need her telling me what to do with myself. And I don’t think she’ll be happy until I submit to her way of thinking.”

Cat stepped out of her room, she was wearing a woman’s suit and her hair was tied up in a bun, “God I hate looking like this. But you’re right. She is controlling.”

“It doesn’t help her that I lack submissiveness as an emotion.”

“Wait, what?”

“I’m missing a few emotions in my matrix. Submission is one of them.”

“You never told me that.”

“You don’t just advertise, ‘hi I’m an emotionally unstable android! Nice to meet you.’ But yes, I’m missing a few. I had all the basics built in but some of the others have to develop. That’s one of them I don’t have.”

“What are the others?”

“Not important.”

***

Spitfire listened from her room. So his family wasn’t… perfect wouldn’t be the right word. Maybe they weren’t functional? They just didn’t get along? Either way something was up.

And what was that about missing emotions? He seemed complete enough. So what was he missing? Was that why he didn’t consider himself a real person? Because he was missing emotions?

Hmm. Nah, she’d figure it out later. For now she had a challenge to deal with. How to handcuff the android. She smiled. She had a few ideas. She grabbed the cuffs and pocketed them before looking over herself in the mirror.

She was wearing nothing too fancy. Just a simple pair of jeans and a short sleeve shirt that hid her cutie mark. Her sneakers were a simple design. She especially admired the lightning bolt on the sides. She pulled on a pair of fingerless sports gloves. Overall she liked how she looked.

She opened the door to her room and stepped out into the hallway. Jett was there leaning against the wall.

He sighed, “Today you get to meet my family. And with them comes the very definition of pain and misery; my Aunt Kathy.”

“Why is she the very definition of pain and misery?”

“Oh you’ll find out.”

***

The drive up north was uneventful. The traffic was smooth, everything was perfect. Secretly I was upset. I was hoping for construction or for some car to spontaneously break down but no. We have to visit family today. Knowing my luck we’ll be ready to leave and the car will decide not to work then.

The car reached the rich people’s neighborhood. I called it that because it was where, well, all the rich, pompous, and arrogant people lived. My aunt was one of them. The biggest control freak you’d ever meet.

Our car emerged from the underground highway into a large open area. It was a lot like the Dome over our home but here there was no city. The buildings were scattered across a green landscape. The land pulled up into a mountain like environment near the edges of the Dome. We drove along the edge of the Dome before driving down towards the base of the rim of the crater shaped biome.

My Aunt’s house was a structure built into the side of the mountain atop a plateau. On it was an area the size of a small park. It had trees and various other plants that you would find in a park. A play scape was in one corner of the plateau. A parking lot rested just below it while a walkway led up the far wall of the plateau towards the house and the park. All of this rested in front yard of my Aunt’s house.

I sighed.

“What’s wrong?” Spitfire asked.

“I don’t really like seeing family too much,” I said.

“Why’s that? I’d take my grandpa over Soarin’ any day of the week,” she joked.

“I’d rather deal with Soarin’ than my little cousins,” I retorted.

“Why’s that?”

“Oh you’ll see soon enough.”

Our car drove along the road before pulling down into the valley below. We drove along a scenic route before we were pulling into the parking lot my Aunt calls a driveway. There were several other vehicles there as well, all of them belonging to my ‘relatives.’ One car, if it could be called that was a military light support transport. A typical military Jeep. Of course Dad would choose to arrive in style.

We pulled into a parking spot. Cat turned the car off and we stepped out. I looked up the walkways that led up to the plateau and sighed.

“Let’s get this over with,” I sighed. We started walking up the walkway. We soon reached the top and got a better look of the park that we had seen from the road. There was a buffet table set up with various fancy foods and other things I hadn’t even heard of before. Nearby was large picnic table. Various benches and chairs were also dotting the landscape.

And then I saw my family. My cousins came first. Chris looked a lot like a modern crotch rocket rider, with his sunglasses, hat and shorts. Shannon was recently married and a school teacher. She had the look too. My cousin Jaclyn looked like a typical super model… with about the same amount of personality. Everyone who knew her said she was bubbly and personable but I could never hold up a conversation with her. Watching paint dry was more interesting. Her husband however was different. He was a marine gunship pilot. The man who pulled the trigger on one of those death machines. Fortunately for me they only worked in an atmosphere. Lastly were my little cousins, Alex and Sam. I can already hear what they’re gonna say when they see Spits.

Next came my Aunts and Uncles. I never really talked to any of them to form a personality profile so we’ll skip them. My Aunt Kathy however I had plenty on. Bossy, controlling, compulsive, obsessive, Bitchy, were all words that came to mind.

They all saw us, “Hi! Oh it’s so good to see you again! Cat how’s the job going? Jett? You doing well in your schooling? You really should leave that flight school. Hey buddy! How’s it going? Who’s your friend?” all came at us at once.

Fortunately for me Cat answered most of them in quick succession.

Finally one of my Aunts, specifically my Aunt Monica spoke up, “So Jett, who’s your friend?”

“Oh, uh, well she’s a friend from school,” I lied.

“Oh? What classes do you have together?”

“Oh, uh well, she’s my, uh, Navigator! Yeah my navigator during flight practice.”

“Oh interesting.”

“Yeah…” I turned and whispered to Spitfire, “Come one let’s get out of here.”

We turned to walk when something caught my eye. It was a man. Specifically a tall man. About 6 foot 7 who was leaning against a tree looking at a hologram. He had salt and pepper hair cropped close to his head. He was wearing a naval uniform with the naval cap on his belt. He had strong chiseled features and a scar running across his face. He was holding a small pad in his hand where a small figure rose. It was a woman in a casual naval garb.

“Listen Ajax,” he said, “I honestly don’t care about Venusian fleet deployments right now. I’m on VACATION? Ever heard of it?”

“Yes Admiral I know but I figured you would want to know about this,” the woman said.

“Just put leave it on my computer for later. I’m visiting family right now. Now I don’t want any more interruptions for the rest of the day. If you call me back it better be because they’re getting ready to turn Earth to GLASS.”

“Acknowledged Admiral.”

“Thank you Ajax. Halsey out.”

He put the pad back in his pocket and turned. He saw me and Spits.

“Jett! How are you doing? I haven’t seen you in a while now but I heard what happened and came as soon as I could. Are you alright?” He walked over and scooped me up in a hug.

“Gah! Ugh, Nice to see you too Admiral!” I managed to choke out before he let me down, “And I’m fine! Just got hit by a car. You know. Just another day as an Android.”

“That is not ‘Just another Day.’ You got hit by a car!”

“Well I’m fine. All the damage is repaired. But my arm is still a little under the weather so to speak.”

“Well I hope two days in the hospital was worth it,” He said.

I looked towards Spits, “Yeah I’d say it was worth it.”

He followed my gaze to the flame headed angel girl behind me. Only he couldn’t see her wings.

“Well hello there,” he smiled, “And who are you?”

He turned back to me, “Jett? Did you get yourself a girlfriend and not tell me? Ooh this would be such an interesting development in the science!”

I deadpanned, “As attractive as she is dad,” Spitfire blushed and bit her lip, “No. She’s just a friend from school whom I took the car for.”

“Are you sure you’re not hurt?”

“Dad, I got my arm slice off, burned, and have a piece of an airplane in my head. A car accident won’t do much to me after that.”

“I still worry about my son.”

“Dad, you have a lot more to worry about than me.”

“Oh shut up. You still haven’t introduced me to your girlfriend,” he said slyly.

“I’m gonna slap you.”

“Ha ha, your emotional subroutines were always easy to mess with.”

I rolled my eyes, “Yeah she figured that out too.”

“So who is she?”

I motioned for Spits to come forward, “Dad this is Spitfire.”

“Hi!” Spitfire held out her hand, “I’m Spitfire.”

Dad suddenly went full on military on her. He grabbed her hand in a firm grip, “Strong handshake. Shows signs of confidence. Interesting hairdo. Good self-expression. So you’re Jett’s friend?”

Spitfire gulped, “Yeah. Your son is an extremely nice and fun individual. He pushed me out of the way of the car he got hit by.”

Dad laughed, “Ah I’m just messing with you!”

I rolled my eyes, “Dad stop it. You’re scaring her.”

“You sure you’re not dating her?”

“Shut up. Come on Spits.”

“Nice meeting you!” She called before turning to me, “Well he seemed nice.”

“Nice talk Son! Have fun with your girlfriend! I think there’s a good tree in the corner over there!” He called out laughing.

At that point my head caught fire.

***

Spitfire laughed. Gosh it was so funny to watch him get worked up over the simplest things. They walked around the park.

Spitfire took careful note of her surroundings. A few of the trees here looked perfect. She could climb up one and wait carefully. She felt the weight of the cuffs in her pocket. She smiled.

Oh you are so in for it today big guy.

They walked over to the buffet table.

***

We reached the table. I helped Spitfire select the vegetarian options from the table. We moved over to one of the benches with our food and sat down. So far so good. Doing my best to avoid my Aunt and so far I’m doing well. All I need to watch out for now is-

“Hey Jett!” A boy three years younger than me popped up in front of me.

“Ah holy motherf-!” I was silenced as Spitfire prevented me from finishing my sentence with a well-placed hand.

The younger boy was Alex. A mop of brown hair on his head that was about as untamed as he was. And he and his brother had the largest mouths in the solar system.

“Hello Alex,” I said monotone.

He sat down next to Spits with a sly look on his face, “So who’s your girlfriend?”

Spitfire blushed furiously. I cupped my head in my hands, “Oh I can see how this day is gonna go…”

I stood up and left, heading to a nearby tree. I just barely caught Alex say, “So how long have you two been dating!”

I walked to the edge of the park and sat down under a tree. This was gonna be a long day. Luckily it was just Alex so far. If it was Sam or Aunt Kathy, oh boy things would be a lot worse. I certainly hope Spitfire’s having fun because I can already tell I’ll be glad to leave.

God I just wanted to get this over with.

I don’t know how long I sat there. I probably feel asleep at some point because I woke up to Spitfire sitting next to me, holding her knees to her chest.

“Well look who’s awake,” she smiled warmly.

I yawned and sat up, “Ugh, normally I sleep through these things anyway. I hope Alex was kind to you.”

She shrugged, “Not much worse than Soarin’. Though a little more rambunctious.”

“Well that’s good. Normally things are a lot worse.”

“Uh huh. Now just wondering, how come everyone we’ve met so far thinks you and I are… in a relationship?”

I shrugged, “I’m not the most social person. Parties and Dances aren’t my forte. That and nearly every girl I know takes one look at my arm and goes the other way. But whatever. The arm at least helps me weed out people I would probably end up hating anyway. So I’m not around many people of the opposite gender. So that would explain it.”

“Oh…” she trailed off.

I sighed, “I fucking hate coming to these.”

“Jett! Spitfire! Time to eat!” A voice called. Fuck. It was my Aunt.

I stood up, “And it begins.”

***

“No Spitfire, we don’t use that fork when eating salad,” My Aunt said.

“Oh I’m sorry-” she attempted to say before being cut off.

“No not that one either. We use THAT one,” she said pointing.

I held my head in my hands. Auntie, Kindly Shut the Fuck up. IT’S FUCKING FOOD! WHO GIVES A FUCK WHAT YOU EAT IT WITH!?

Of course I couldn’t say that. As much as I wanted to and no matter how happy that would have made my dad, I couldn’t say that.

I continued to eat.

“So Jett, how’s your summer going?” My Aunt asked.

“Oh wonderful. I finished my summer classes a few weeks ago so, you know, just enjoying life to the fullest!” I said with as much cheer as I could muster.

“Oh. And what happened to your arm? It’s normally not… not so bare, shall we say.”

“I got hit by a car last week.”

“Well you simply must learn to be more careful when crossing the street then,” she responded in the ‘I’m better than you and you’re stupid’ tone I hated.

I noticed three forks, two spoons, and two knives on both sides of my plate. I was certainly tempted to use the fork.

An awkward silence fell over the table while we ate. I saw my Dad who had the ‘I’d rather be dealing with politicians right now than be here’ look. In all honesty I couldn’t blame him. My Aunt Kathy was rude, bossy, and just plain unpleasant to be around. That and she had been playing family politics with one of my other Aunts for years. Along with occasionally playing actual politics. This is probably where she got her mean streak from.

I finished my food and pushed my plate away.

My cousin Sam spoke up. He was a younger version of Alex, about eleven years old but with all the same mannerisms and nearly the same personality.

“So when did you get a girlfriend?” A few stifled laughs were heard across the table. My eye twitched. I calmly picked up my glass and took a sip before speaking.

“She is NOT my girlfriend. We’re just friends,” I sighed.

“Oh.”

Another long silence followed. Some sounds could be heard like the sound of someone taking a bite out of something. The occasional clatter of silverware. All normal things. I saw a look in Alex’s face.

“So she’s not your girlfriend?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“Just friends?”

“Just friends.”

“… So… You’re fucking her then?”

A few things happened there. A gasp was heard across the table. My Dad clenched his gut and pounded the table as he attempted, and key word is ATTEMPTED, to squash the fit of laughter that was consuming him. Cat didn’t even try and fell back in her chair holding her sides. She was practically crying. My Cousin Chris held his head in his hands. Jaclyn’s drink shot out her nose. My aunts and uncles did their best to act professionally but failed miserably, fake coughing and saying phrases like, “Well…” and “Uh, um…” and “Interesting use of words”. Spitfire grimaced and turned Red as a Tomato. My glass shattered in the grip of my prosthetic hand. Pieces of glass fell to the table along with fine crystalline shards and powder. My head probably broke the sound barrier hitting and severally denting the aluminum table.

“Now ALEX. We DO NOT use that type of Language around guests! Especially around your cousin’s girlfriend,” My aunt scolded. I banged my head against the table again after hearing this.

I stood up. Everyone gasped when they saw the dent my head made in the table. I calmly pushed my chair in and left the table, my face red from rage, humiliation and embarrassment. I contemplated turning around and calmly strangling Alex but decided that the Jail time just MIGHT NOT be worth it. But only by a small margin.

God damn it. This day was just going FUCKING GREAT. And you know what? Fuck them! I’m not paying for that table. They can bang out the three inch deep dent in that thing. I’ve never been more embarrassed in my life. ‘So you’re FUCKING HER?!’ What kind of kid asks his cousin that?! Oh yeah, I KNOW! SOMEONE IN THIS DYSFUNCTIONAL GROUP OF PEOPLE THAT I CALL A FAMILY!

I reached a tree and climbed up into it, hiding from view among the leaves. I found a branch and sat down on it. Oh this was gonna be a LONG, awkward ride home.

“Just calm down Jett. Just breathe. Don’t hurt yourself again,” I said to myself, “Think. Calm. What calms you? Hmm… Numbers. Yeah you were always good with numbers. Ok. Uh Pi. Here we go. 3.141592653589793… ah fuck it.”

I turned and pounded my head into the side of the tree. Oh god this was a frustrating situation. Fuck. As if living with Spitfire wasn’t awkward enough now THIS? Oh if those blocks weren’t there… No more emotions for me!

After I finished taking out my frustration on the tree, significantly flattening a portion of it, I sat down on the high branch I found myself on.

I absentmindedly raised my prosthetic and began scrapping the flattened portion of the tree. Anything to get my mind off of THAT. Oh this was going to be so weird later! I swear this is one of the times I’m glad I don’t keep my sex drive active.

I returned my attention to the carving. Oh. It was the head of an owl carved into the flattened tree bark. I sighed and tried to get some sleep; away from everything down there. Needless to say that didn’t happen.

“Jett?” A voice called.

Fuck. It was Spitfire. Nope. Not talking to her right now. Not after that.

“Jett? Come on. Where the hell are you?” Spits called.

Her voice was getting closer. She stopped under the tree.

“Ok Jett, I know you’re up there. The pile of leaves and branches and wood shavings down here gave it away.”

Fuck.

“Don’t make me come up there!”

“Go away!”

“That’s it!”

Shit. Well let’s see here. I could jump… and hit all the branches on the way down. I could go up. And get into a corner. Well I could climb my way down… and meet Spitfire on the way down. Hmm. I’ll risk jumping- and she’s here. Fuck.

“Ah ha! Here you are! Why are you avoiding me?” she asked as she pulled herself up onto the branch.

“Uh Gee. Um maybe to avoid more embarrassing situations that come with being around you?”

She looked hurt, “Wha? But why?”

“My little cousin just insinuated that we’re having SEX.”

“You… you don’t want to be around me because of that? But I thought we were friends.”

Shit. This time I don’t know what to say. Truth was that I was avoiding her to ice the burn that came from the picnic table conversation. And this time I’ve really hurt her feelings this time. Fuck. Why are girls so emotionally hardened about some things but delicate as butterfly wings the next? I really should read more. But now all you have is what you know old buddy. Jeez. I mean, I only hang out with guys, and guys are a lot easier to deal with. Meaning you can tell them to fuck off and be best friends the next day again. Spitfire is literally my first friend of the opposite gender as me. At least I think. I mean my dad did say I was going to be a girl at one point… So maybe I’m an it? Ah fuck it now’s not the time for this.

She must not have taken my silence well and looked down. She sniffed and sounded like she was going to cry.

“I won’t bother you anymore. I’ll just go now,” she started climbing down the tree.

Shit act fast asshole!

I reached for her arm, “Spits wait!”

She turned with a dejected look on her face.

“I’m sorry. I… I know this situation probably isn’t the easiest to be in and the last thing you need is an asshole like me making you feel bad.”

“But you said I embarrass you.”

I sighed, “Sometimes yes, but I’ll admit some of those situations you put me in were kinda fun.”

She crawled back up looking intrigued now, “Like?”

“Ah… I’m not sure I wanna tell.”

“Come on! I’m curious now,” she said now less depressed than before.

“Ah… I don’t know,” I teased. I knew I was gonna lose this one.

“Come on tell me!”

I sighed turning red, “Fine… It was… the… the time when you handcuffed me.”

Spitfire laughed, “Ah ha! I knew you were enjoying that!”

“Doesn’t mean you have the right to do it again!” I laughed back.

We laughed before returning to being serious.

“Listen… I’m sorry for hurting you like that. I didn’t mean to avoid you it’s just...” I sighed, “I don’t have an excuse. I was being an asshole. That situation though was super embarrassing. I just didn’t want to… you know… stay around after that comment.”

Spitfire giggled, “I guess I can understand. But how do you thing I felt? I mean, I’ve had people spread rumors about me having sex with everyone from Vinyl Scratch, though she’s taken last time I checked, to Soarin’.”

My turn, “So were any of them true?”

Spitfire turned red, “Well… a few… maybe.”

“Aw… you have to tell me now.”

“No I don’t!”

“Hey, I basically admitted I have a b- not gonna finish that. Come one. Tell.”

She sighed, “Well, uh…. I did do a little experimentation with…” she gulped, “Soarin.”

I bit my tongue. And when I say I bit my tongue I mean I nearly bit it off, “Soarin’? As in the Pie lover?”

She sighed; obviously it wasn’t the most pleasant experience, “Yeah… And to be honest… it was HORRIBLE! I mean… he resembles a dog in just about everything he does! He eats like a slob. I’m not gonna lie, we all eat like pigs sometimes but he eats like a dog all the time! And when it comes to the bedroom? Ugh! I mean he’s a great flier but he sucks at… that!” She finished her rant.

“Isn’t he a jock?”

“Well… yeah I guess. I mean he has girls following him everywhere he goes but to be frank… he fucks like a dog.”

“And how would you know what a dog fucks like?”

“What?! Well, I, uh, I never, uh-”

I laughed, “Relax! I’m just messing with you!”

She fumed, “That wasn’t funny.”

“Yeah it was!”

“Humph.”

“So I guess we’re even now?”

“Not quite. I told you who I’ve done it with, you tell me.”

I laughed at her, “Yeah uh huh, like hell. Do I look like I’m relationship material of any kind? No sir! While I may be immune to STDs, copulation is obsolete to me. Plus I’m not even old enough.”

“I wouldn’t say that- wait. You’ve never done it before?”

“Girl, I’m a machine. Have you ever walked into your kitchen and seen your blender boning your toaster? No? That’s what I thought.”

“Humph, Well when I was your age…”

“Wait, how old are you?”

“Eighteen, why?”

“Cause I’m like Nine years old. Technically; but I look older.”

Spitfire coughed, “What?! Nine?! How? You look like a typical teenager!”

“I know. I was created as a Seven year old and brought home by my Dad. That’s why Cat wasn’t so eager to have me around. I also have an aging subroutine that allows me to age normally. Biologically I’m about sixteen or seventeen but cybernetically I’m Nine years old.”

“Whoa… that’s… weird,” Spitfire said.

“Yeah… You’ve been hanging out with a little kid this whole time.”

A silence followed. Yup. Just me and Spits hanging out in a tree.

“So… about the handcuffs…”

“What?” I asked.

She reached into her pocket and… pulled out the fluffy rape cuffs. Spitfire had a rape face on when she spoke.

“Remember our deal?”

Fuck. I could tell I was probably gonna lose this battle but it didn’t hurt to try to fight.

“Like hell!” I laughed and dove toward the ground.

“Hey! Come back here!”

Being an android allowed me to bounce about the branches with grace. If I was careful. Spitfire had an advantage of being lighter and thus more agile than me but hey. I hit the ground and took off running. I was not going to head towards that house since it was the last place I wanted to be but the parking lot and the open fields beyond looked promising.

I ran towards the railing that overlooked the parking lot. Five meters. I could make it. I vaulted over the railing and landed before rolling back to my feet and running off. I looked behind me. Spitfire was more graceful than me. She simply dove over the railing and landed and summersaulted before vaulting to her feet and running after me. I sprinted across the parking lot. I looked behind me. Spitfire was keeping up but not gaining any more ground. Hmm, time to kick it into high gear. I ran faster.

I could get away as long as I didn’t- hey who put that parking stop there? Aw fuck.

I stumbled and landed on the pavement. I moved to stand up only to feel a weight on my back. I looked back to see Spitfire handcuffing my wrists.

“Fuck.”

“Looks like I win!” Spitfire said triumphantly. She pulled out a phone and tapped a button, “Hey Cat! Guess what?”

I only heard part of the conversation but I obviously had missed something here.

“Yeah I did! Want a picture?”

“Picture? No NO! That wasn’t part of it!” SNAP. Fuck.

Spitfire pulled me to my feet.

“You’re just lucky I tripped,” I said.

“I thought you were an android!”

“Blocks make me prone to mistakes.”

“Yeah yeah! You wanted to get caught! Come on! I’m showing off my latest catch to your family.”

“Oh no you’re not!”

***

“But why!”

“Because you don’t use that type of LANGUAGE around GUESTS!” Kathy hissed.

“Well I haven’t seen them since lunch so what do you think they’re doing?”

“DOESN’T MEAN YOU GET TO SAY THAT!”

“Still not fair,” Alex sulked.

There was ruckus near the walkway up to the house.

“No Spitfire I’m not going up there!”

“Quit being such a baby!”

“I’m not going up there like this!”

“That’s it!”

A flame haired girl emerged dragging a heavy piece of cargo. Jett was handcuffed again and was being pulled like a stubborn mule up the hill towards the park.

“See? I told you she was fucking him!”

“That’s it! GO inside! I’ve had enough of your mouth mister!”

***

Well the ride home was awkward enough since I was loaded into the car like a recently arrested convict. Spitfire refused to remove the cuffs. So sitting in the back seat was relatively uncomfortable.

I was buckled up with my arms behind me still. Cat yelled at me a lot for moving around in the back seat trying to get comfortable.

I turned to Spitfire, “Can you please let me out of these?”

She gave me the ‘I dunno’ look, “Hey, I left the key at your house.”

“Really? Really?”

“Well yeah, can’t you just pick it?”

“Yeah, let me just reach into my pockets and pull out that paper clip I’m not carrying. Or let me just bend my robotic fingers backwards enough to break the lock. And even if I had a lock picking kit in my storage units on my arm I couldn’t get them open to use it!”

She gave me a sheepish smile, “Heh, sorry? I didn’t think I was actually gonna get them on you.”

“Well ya did! And now I’m gonna have bruising all over my arm.”

“What about your other arm?”

“Uh… I don’t have one? Mechanical?”

“Oh right. Sorry I guess I got used to it looking covered still. But honesty, I think it looks cooler that way.”

I sighed, “There’s just no compromising with you. I’m a machine.”

Cat yelled, “Would you stop it with the whole, ‘Desire is irrelevant. I am a machine,’ thing? Give it up. You’re a person whether you like it or not.”

“And would you stop quoting movies from the 20th century?”

“Uh, it’s from the 21st century.”

“Uh, I’m handcuffed in the back seat of a car; do I look like I give a fuck what century it’s from?”

“Jeez you are irritable today.”

“Well I’m gonna need some lotion to help fix the bruises on my wrist so yeah. I’m in a little irritable.”

“Yeah, you need the lotion for your wrists,” Cat said sarcastically, “And how is your wrist bruised? Aren’t those things fluffy?”

“Oh fuck you; and I don’t keep my sex drive on so that wouldn’t work! And these things are tight as hell!”

“Well you did put up a fight when I dragged you up that hill- wait what?”

“These things are tight as hell.”

“No about the sex drive? You have an off switch for that?”

“Spitfire, he has an off switch for nearly everything he does. Even his emotions have an off switch. Though he doesn’t have access to it. But he can shut off his hunger, pain, and a number of his senses,” Cat laughed.

“That’s… odd. I mean you can just turn it off? With the flick of a switch?” Spitfire asked.

“Yup. No awkward boners for me!” I turned in my seat, “Gah! These damn things are cutting into my wrist like this.”

“Can’t you lean forward in your seat or something?” Spits asked.

“Oh no you’re not!” Cat yelled, “At these speeds? No way!”

“You’re not driving manually are you?”

“Yeah. Which is why I don’t want you doing that! If I have to stop suddenly your head will smack the seat so hard.”

“Ugh, Fine. God you’re worse than mom.” I leaned my body over towards the window. And this was worse. My head was not comfortable against that hard surface. Oh yeah, duh, Deactivate Touch.

“You know you can lean this way to if you’re too uncomfortable,” Spitfire said.

“I, ah, uh, no. No. Definitely not.”

“Oh shut up and cuddle with her already!” Cat yelled.

“Hey fuck you Cat! After what happened today I don’t need you adding on to it.”

Cat laughed, “That was fucking hilarious!”

“Not for me!”

Cat and Spitfire’s laugher followed me all the way home.