“Vinyl, hold still and don’t be a foal!” Octavia pressed down on the whimpering unicorn and glanced up at Tarnish, who she saw nod. “Now, Vinyl, there might be a little prick and it might sting a little when Tarnish pushes it in, but the pain won’t last long and then it will all be over.”

The grey mare swore when Vinyl tried to kick her hind legs away from Tarnish. “Vinyl! Stop being a baby and just take it like a mare! Let Tarnish poke you and pull it out, and then it will all be over! Now stop, or I shall become very cross!”

Making a throaty whimper that didn’t need vocal cords, Vinyl closed her eyes and tried to stop squirming. Octavia stroked her ears and looked up at Tarnish once more and saw that his expression was one of utter calm. Reaching out, Maud took Vinyl’s fetlock into her own.

“Now, Vinyl, when Tarnish sticks it in, don’t kick. You might cause him to stick it in too far and that will hurt more. It’s just a little poke, enough to get you open. What’s a little poke among friends?” Octavia smiled down at her soulmate and then gripped the unicorn even tighter. “Do it now, Tarnish!”

Holding up Vinyl’s rear hoof in his magic, Tarnish nodded and jammed a large needle into Vinyl’s frog, causing Vinyl to let out mute cry of pain. Octavia overpowered Vinyl’s struggles and Tarnish dug around with his needle in the tender flesh of Vinyl’s frog. After a moment, he found what he was looking for, and with a bit of effort, he extracted a V shaped goathead thorn that had lodged itself into Vinyl’s frog. He flicked it away and then squirted some disinfectant into the opening that he had pulled the thorn from.

Vinyl almost kicked him in the face as she made a pained wheezing sound and he ducked off to one side as her hoof almost clipped his muzzle. She had slipped right out of his magical grip with ease. Grabbing her once more, he blew on the place where he had squirted the iodine wound cleanser and watched as some blood beaded up in the opening.

“She can’t help it, Tarnish, she feels more pain than normal ponies, it’s part of her specific type of albinism. Please don’t be angry with her.” When she was done speaking, Octavia bit her lip and looked Tarnish in the eye, pleading with him for understanding.

“It’s fine. Even if she had kicked me, it would have been fine.” Without even thinking about what he was doing, he gave Vinyl a gentle pat on the stomach. “You okay, Vinyl?”

Eyes glistening with tears, Vinyl nodded.

“What do we do now?” Maud asked as she gave Vinyl’s fetlock another squeeze. “We can call it quits if necessary and take Vinyl back to the camp. Or Vinyl could go back to the camp with Octavia and Tarnish and I can keep going.”

“I am your canary, I’m needed.” Octavia bowed her head down and kissed Vinyl as the poor unicorn shuddered a bit, traumatised by her ordeal. “Vinyl, can you go on, or do we have to put you down because of a gimp leg?”

At Octavia’s words, Vinyl’s eyes widened and she made a very panicked theatrical reaction. Not able to speak, Vinyl was a master of pantomime and she made it quite clear how she felt about Octavia’s plan to put her down. Kicking and thrashing around, Vinyl got up on her hooves with a bit of help from Tarnish. Limping, she took a few steps, favouring her tender frog, and she showed the others that there was no need to put down the gimped pony.

After a few seconds of standing there, her sides heaving, Vinyl limped back to where Tarnish sat, kissed him on the cheek, and then scooted away before he could return the favour. Her eyes were red and puffy when she put her sunglasses back on and she lifted up her parasol to shield herself from the sun.

“I’ll carry Vinyl’s gear,” Octavia offered. Leaning forward, Octavia reached out and booped Tarnish on the snoot. “Thank you, Tarnish.”

Blushing, Tarnish turned away. “D'aww, don’t mention it.”

“Well, let’s go and see if we can scare Octavia to death today.” Maud turned to look at her friend. “You know, if two can survive in the wilderness, then four can thrive. Thanks for coming out and being with us. It means a lot to me.”

“Aw, what are friends for?” Reaching out, Octavia put her foreleg around Maud’s neck and the two mares embraced. Octavia became a little misty, smiled, and then blinked the moisture out of her eyes. “Let’s go adventure.”

Standing in the entrance of the cave, Tarnish heard the sounds of water flowing. Some of the lake drained into here. It smelled wet, musty, like mushrooms. The walls were slick and fuzzy with lichens and slime moulds. Cautious, he looked up, checking for bats or nasty creatures that might drop down and eat them, like spiders. Tarnish found nothing, nothing at all.

Taking a few cautious steps, he made his way in. No darkness swallowed him up right away. It was chilly, but it wasn’t a magical cold. The cave was well lit for quite some ways in and Tarnish didn’t need to light his horn. There were some bones, but they weren’t ominous. As pleasant as it seemed, he did not relax. He cast his eyes about, hunting for danger, and the muscles on his back quivered.

Behind him, Vinyl limped along, favouring her leg, but otherwise looking cheerful. She folded up the parasol with great care and then slipped it through a strap on the gear that Octavia now carried. She pulled out a camera and began taking pictures of anything that looked even somewhat interesting.

“There is something strange about this cave,” Maud deadpanned, “not creepy strange, but strange nonetheless. I can’t put my hoof on it yet, but my earth pony senses tell me that something is amiss.”

“All of the stalagmites and stalactites don’t hang straight up and down… they’re… at an angle.” Tarnish pointed with his hoof. “It’s as if this cave was turned recently or something.”

“I use my earth pony senses, Tarnish uses his fancy unicorn eyes.” Maud let out a sigh. “That’s very odd. Look, over there, the water is dripping down at an angle consistent with the stalagmites and stalactites.”

“It is.” Octavia pushed Vinyl and her camera to face it. “How very odd. The gravity is somewhat off here. And over there”—she pointed with her nose—“the water is dripping up from the floor. Vinyl, are you getting this?”

Saying nothing, Vinyl pulled out a different camera and began filming the phenomenon. She took a few steps back to get Octavia into the shot, to compare the angle of the dripping liquids with Octavia, who stood up straight. Making a gesture with her right front hoof, she urged the others forwards.

“I feel like I am leaning,” Maud said as she moved ahead. “My hooves want to stay flat on the ground, but my body wants to stand up straight. Gravity is off kilter. It feels like a fifty one degree slant.”

“Maud, how could you know that?” Tarnish turned to look at his mate.

“Well, you have fancy unicorn eyes and I have earth pony senses,” Maud replied.

Nodding, Tarnish’s hooves scrabbled over slippery stones. “I trust your earth pony senses, I just wanted to know how you knew, that’s all.” Almost slipping from having his center of gravity messed up, he focused on keeping himself upright in an area where gravity was out of whack.

With a pop, Vinyl’s slate was conjured, along with some yellow chalk. For a few seconds, she scribbled, while still filming, and then held up her words for all to see. “I have magical albino unicorn powers.”

“Vinyl…” Octavia shook her head and she continued forwards. “I don’t feel afraid at all.”

“Well, let’s keep going and test out our theory.” Maud paused to get a better look at an angled stalactite. “That’s fascinating. If nothing else, our trip was worth it just to see this. The skewed gravity here is a marvellous localised phenomenon and it gives this cave a unique quality worth seeing.”

It was difficult, but not impossible to keep going. The stones were slick and gravity was a little off. Tarnish found himself leaning off to one side, in the same direction as the stalactites and stalagmites. The water that flowed into the cave from the lake flowed along the ground, but some of it dripped up towards the ceiling. In one section, the water appeared to be flowing uphill over a rise.

Stepping onto a patch of slick slime, Tarnish slipped, and with gravity being off, he overcompensated when trying to keep upright. With a splash, he fell into the water, and right away, he was swept away by the swift current. Before he had a chance to catch his breath, he was sucked downwards by a powerful undertow.

Swept forward, Tarnish bounced along the bottom of the swift flowing water, and then the ground beneath him gave way. He was pulled down by powerful suction and his lungs screamed for much needed air. It was like being in the bathtub drain. The water slammed him into the stone and he saw stars. Again and again, he was slammed into the stone as the water swirled.

As everything began to grow dim, Tarnish felt a strong foreleg wrap around him, and then there was an explosive thud. There was a rumble, like stone shattering, and he felt himself being sucked down into even deeper water. Unable to stop himself, his mouth opened and with involuntary reflex, he inhaled, but there was no air, only water, which flooded his lungs.

Seeing millions of stars, Tarnish drifted off into space.

Maud Pie, panicking, tried to take stock of her surroundings. It was dark, so very dark, but they were on solid ground. Tarnish wasn’t breathing at all. Desperate for light, she felt around for Flamingo, and was relieved to find her. She yanked the sword free and the cavern filled with light. She had punched the stone until the drain hole was large enough for them to be sucked down, and her hunch had paid off. There was another cavern down below, which is where she now was, next to a flowing underground river that was inches deep.

“It’s dark!” Flamingo cried.

Ignoring Flamingo, Maud rolled Tarnish over and began cardiopulmonary resuscitation. She placed her ear to Tarnish barrel, but couldn’t hear anything due to the pounding of her own heart and the sound of rushing water. She put her hoof down and began pumping, trying to remember what to do, it had been a while since she had learned this and in her panic, her memory was less than perfect.

“Breathe, damn you, breathe.” Maud pressed her lips against Tarnish’s muzzle and tried to fill his lungs with air, but her mouth was filled with water. She coughed, sputtered, and was pushed aside. Startled, she saw Octavia and Vinyl.

Sitting there, frozen with terror, Maud let Octavia take over. Grunting, Octavia stood up on two legs, hefting Tarnish up with her, and she held Tarnish up by his forelegs with his head lolling off to one side. Maud then saw Vinyl rise up into a bipedal stance, and before Maud could react or respond, Vinyl landed a violent punch into Tarnish’s stomach, inches above his sheath and balls.

Locked in Octavia’s embrace, Tarnish barfed and coughed up water and the contents of his lunch all over Vinyl Scratch. The cavern filled with the ragged, wheezing sound of him trying to suck in wind. Gagging, Tarnish barfed again and this time, Vinyl stepped out of the way, then dropped down on all fours.

Grunting, Octavia lowered Tarnish down to the ground, clapping him on the back as she did so. She looked over at Maud, then gave Tarnish a squeeze. “Breathe, deep breaths, come on, you can do it.” She gave him a hard slap on the spine and was rewarded with more water and vomit. “Try not to cough, ignore the tickle, and focus on breathing! In the nose and out the mouth!”

“Rusty!” Flamingo flew around in a circle, panicking.

“Will he be okay?” Maud asked, her voice rising and falling in pitch.

“He’ll be fine,” Octavia replied. She gave Tarnish a few gentle slaps to the face to help bring him around. “His wedding tackle might be sore, Vinyl landed quite a blow. A stallion will puke his guts out if you punch him right there, and it seems like it will bring them back from the dead, too.”

Sucking in wind, Tarnish let out a pained, keening whine. “My balls hurt…”

“Sorry love,” Octavia said into Tarnish’s ear. “Vinyl had to punch you in the groin muscle. It was for your own good.”

“All I did was poke her with a needle.” Tarnish wheezed a few times and then coughed up more water. He doubled over and let out a pained cry, then started sobbing.

Pulling herself along the ground, Maud went over to where Octavia and her husband lay in a heap together. She grabbed Tarnish, but didn’t kiss him, as she knew that he needed air. Each breath he took was a whimper and a sob. She nuzzled her husband, then, lifting her head, she looked Octavia in the eye.

“Thanks for saving my unicorn. I’d be lost without him.”

Author's Notes:

Dat cold opener...