Even though she seemed a little out of it, Tarnish realised that Tree Hugger was smart. Not quite Maud level smart, but smart. Smarter than he was by a longshot. He began to wonder if her speech and her mannerisms were a way to throw ponies off—a means to distract them so she wouldn’t be the least bit threatening or noticeable. A pony not worth wasting your time on. She just couldn’t be the pony that headed the Equestrian Society for the Preservation of Rare Creatures—except that she was.

Most ponies had been shooed out of the kitchen where they all sat. Twilight Sparkle, Maud, himself, and Tree Hugger. Tarnish knew that this was a big deal because there was paperwork upon the table, the very shackles of bureaucracy.

“Here is the deal,” Twilight Sparkle said as she tapped the papers with the edge of her hoof, “Princess Celestia wishes to have you as official explorers for the Crown. You will be her agents. Tree Hugger here, she wishes to sponsor your position as an agent of the Crown.” Twilight paused, drew in a deep breath, and then continued, “You will be Regardatores, rangers in the common parlance, foresters, those who range through the countryside, protecting the Crown’s interests in the wilderness.”

Tree Hugger, who was sipping a cup of poison joke tea, glanced at both Tarnish and Maud, but said nothing, her eyes were wide and expressive. There was a hint of a pleased smile upon her dreadlock framed face.

“Now, as a ranger, your duties would be extensive… uh, um,” Twilight paused, flipped over a paper, glanced up at Maud and Tarnish, and then her eyes darted back down to the paper, “here we go. A ranger is responsible for the education for those who travel through the Crown’s wilderness areas, offering both practical information about the local hazards, but also information about local landmarks, and or points of interest.”

Twilight looked up from the paper after reading it and looked at both Maud and Tarnish, her eyes glittering with concentration. “There is also the matter of emergency response… aiding those who are in trouble in the wilderness. This means dealing with hostile wildlife, dangerous flora and fauna, etcetera. A ranger is responsible for learning about medicine and first aid. They are obligated to help any and all travelers they encounter.”

So far, this didn’t sound too bad. Tarnish had already done these things. He thought of the spider cave and the rescue of Grey Owl for Gorgonzola. He was already learning first aid because it was necessary out in the wilds. Maud seemed to have extensive knowledge of it as well and Tarnish thought of how Maud knew how to set bones and make plaster.

“And of course, rangers are scholars and scientists. Learned ponies.” Twilight lifted up a cup of steaming tea and took a sip. As she swallowed, her eyelids sagged a bit and she looked a bit more relaxed. “The Crown has exacting standards for those they employ… and the old terms of our previous agreement still apply. Tarnish, you will undergo testing to see if you are learning. I don’t think this will be a problem for you.”

Tree Hugger set down the teacup she had been holding between her front hooves and her smile broadened. “What I want from you is like, really simple. I just want you to keep doing what you’ve been doing. Be cool about the wilderness and like, do stuff that raises interest in the outdoors. Like your interview in the paper. Just, like, be yourselves and put off a groovy vibe.” The earth pony mare glanced at Twilight and then focused on Tarnished Teapot, her eyes locking onto his. “The poison joke… it like, speaks to you, doesn’t it? You can hear it… it’s not crazy.” Tree Hugger’s smile vanished.

“We earth ponies, we can hear like everything coming from the earth and it is hard for us to tell sometimes what is saying what. It’s like, totally like walking into a room full of ponies all talking at once and then trying to make out what is being said. Everything is lost in the confusion. So most of us earth ponies just tune everything out and we just exist. Even worse, a lot of us who dwell in the city have gone deaf… the ground screams at us because of what the city is doing to the land… and we’ve gone like totally deaf from all of the screaming.”

Tree Hugger looked sad and shook her head. “Some of those earth ponies, they do some very bad things to the environment. They can’t hear anymore.” She shook her head, but her eyes remained locked upon Tarnish’s. “You though, you have a special connection to just one voice. You’re not an earth pony, but you are just like us. You’re like, connected to the earth. You don’t just draw your magic from the aether, but also from the earth itself. You can feel things, hear things, you have this connection with poison joke. I want you to be its voice. I want you to talk about what it wants with others, no matter how crazy it sounds. Tarnished Teapot, I need for you to be brave. You’re not crazy… no more than I am… or Maud, who can hear the rocks, or Twilight, who can hear the voice of magic and the multi-part harmony of the song of friendship.”

One of Tarnish’s eyebrows arched and his ears pitched forwards. He sat, not knowing what to say or how to reply. He felt the muscles in his neck twitch and he tried to rub the distraction away with his hoof. His eyes lingered on Tree Hugger, who had picked up her teacup and was now sipping it once more. He looked at Maud and saw that she was looking down at the papers on the table.

“This is everything I want,” Maud said in a flat voice that conveyed no emotion whatsoever. “Everything I’ve dreamed of. A life of scholarly pursuit with no concerns about funding.” Maud drew in a shallow breath, her nostrils flared somewhat, and her barrel rose and fell in an almost unnoticeable way. “An entire life of study without constraints, free to do my own work without the interference of others or kowtowing to some committee in order to get much needed funding and approval.” She turned and looked at Tarnish sitting beside her. “But none of this means anything to me unless you want it as well. All of this is just meaningless garbage without you.”

The weight of Maud’s words hit Tarnish like a runaway wagon and he felt his mouth go dry. He leaned on the table, resting his weight upon his forelegs, which he folded in front of him.

“That’s like, some heavy stuff,” Tree Hugger whispered.

“This isn’t quite what I expected.” Tarnish looked at Twilight, then Tree Hugger, and then Maud. “I’ll admit, I only ever gave thought to becoming something of a botanist or a naturalist… self taught of course. That was the limits of my horizons. I never thought about anything beyond that. I just wanted to follow Maud around, keep her company, and dance with her.” Tarnish inhaled, licked his lips, and continued, “I never once gave thought to being a ranger… I never thought about having serious responsibilities placed upon my back. I didn’t know that this would be expected of me.”

Tarnish shook his head. “I didn’t know I was capable of this. Never in a million years would I have guessed that I would be asked to become a ranger in the wilds of Equestria when I first left Ponyville. I had no idea that this journey would lead me to this destination. I’m a little overwhelmed.”

“But, like, you’re not saying no,” Tree Hugger said in a low voice.

“You and Maud are ideally suited to this line of work. Equestria is a big place… it’s more than just cities and civilisation. The pair of you have shown exceptional canniness out in the wilds. Princess Celestia was very, very impressed with both of you. You’ve earned this… so please, say yes.” Twilight peered at Tarnish with pleading eyes.

“There is no way I could say no… it’s just a lot to take in. I mean, there is a lot of responsibility here. A lot is being asked of me. I just don’t want to let anypony down or fail my job. I don’t want to mess up. I’ve made so many mistakes already.” Tarnish thought about Dodge City Junction and the mess he had made of his life there. He cringed, gritted his teeth, and wished that he had done things differently.

“This is not a mistake… this is like, a reward for doing all of the right things,” Tree Hugger said in a reassuring and kind voice. “Doing all of the right things led you here. Now claim what you deserve. Take what is owed to you.”

Nodding his head, Tarnish blinked away what felt like tears. “I’m in. I’ll take this deal.”

Across the table, a broad, satisfied smile appeared on Tree Hugger’s face. She set down her teacup once more. “Now we just need to get you set up with the Stiff Upper Lip Society and you can be the pony you were always meant to be. I see nothing but great things for you… for both of you. This is like, a dream for me.”

Tarnish glanced at the papers on the table. “And a nightmare for me… look at all of this paperwork.”

Twilight grinned. “You should have seen what it was like before the paperwork reduction act was passed.” Twilight laughed. “You know, now that I think about it, the paperwork reduction act required a lot of paperwork to make happen and there is a lot of additional paperwork to document the amount of paper saved…”

Author's Notes:

Next up... departure.