The morning sky was cold and grey. The rain came down in a constant never ending drizzle, the sort of steady downpour that was more annoying than anything else. A wet wind blew, causing the fire to flicker and the coals glowed cherry red when a strong gust manifested. With this sort of weather, most ponies would be miserable.

Tarnished Teapot and Maud Persephone Pie were not most ponies.

Both sat under the makeshift awning that Tarnish had constructed, having just finished breakfast, and both were still drinking tea. There was no need to hurry, not this morning. There was no need to hurry at all. With the drizzle, there was no rush to get anything done.

“You know, Maud… I think I’ve spotted a problem with pony society as a whole,” Tarnish said in conversational tones as he topped off his teacup. He set down the teapot, looked out to the rain-drenched landscape, and sighed.

“And that is?” Maud held her teacup between her hooves, inhaling the steam that curled up from it.

“Last night, before bed, I was reading one of my books about alchemy and charms. One of the ingredients was minotaur horn. I was kinda horrified. I don’t know how I feel about treating other creatures as ingredients.”

“Surely it is possible to get minotaur horn without hurting or harming a minotaur.” Maud blinked once, then blinked again, and then looked over at Tarnish, who was staring off into the distance. “I’ll admit though, looking at another creature and seeing useful ingredients is pretty bad.”

“It isn’t just minotaurs. Dragon scales, dragon eggs, dragon organs, dragonhide, all of these things are common ingredients and are considered useful. In fact, most unicorn spellbooks are made from dragonhide. Something to do with the magic… I don’t know. I don’t have a spellbook. I don’t know enough magic to have a spellbook of infinite power that must be bound in dragonhide.”

“This really bothers you.” Maud inhaled, drawing the fragrant steam into her lungs.

“It does… the price of power seems to be the exploitation of others, be it in magic or alchemy. I don’t like how my book just casually mentions, ‘hey, you’ll need a minotaur horn’ or ‘hey, for this application, you’ll need powdered dragon eggshell,’ or ‘to make a universal antidote that will save a pony from any sort of poison, you need the offal of a dragon, in specific the liver, the spleen, and the incendiary glands.’ The book bothered me. It’s horrific.”

Maud took a sip of tea, but said nothing as Tarnish fumed.

“It’s like the lives of ponies and our needs are worth harvesting others and exploiting them. I don’t mind harvesting plants… that’s different… at least, I think it is. I dunno. I don’t think the plants are thinking, feeling creatures. At least, I hope they’re not. But to so casually list ingredients harvested from other creatures that can talk… I don’t know how I feel about it.”

Shaking his head, Tarnish let out a sigh and then fell silent.

Using his telekinesis, he dumped a little more sugar into his tea, stirred it with a small silver spoon, and there was a clatter of metal when he set the spoon down upon the rock beside the fire that served as a table. His blue eyes flashed with anger for a moment, and then his hard, flinty stare softened a little.

“I think I’ve found a reason to help me understand why you like rocks so much,” Tarnish said as he stared into the depths of his teacup, his eyes intense and flashing, and he stared as though he was perhaps looking for some deeper meaning which could only be found in the opaque liquid.

“I think that The Scariest Cave in Equestria might be a lava tube.” Maud made an abrupt subject change the only way she knew how. “At some point, this whole place was a series of lakes. The rivers all drain here and the water collected down the valleys formed by the impact ripples from that meteor.” Maud pointed with her hoof in the general direction of the cave. “The running water ran down into the lava tube I think, and over time, it eroded the rock away, expanding the tube, widening it, making it larger, and forming a natural drain for the lakes. Now, the river runs through the lowest part of the valley floor, into the cave, and out the other side. With each passing century, the cave gets a little bigger and more erosion happens.”

Distracted from his thoughts, Tarnish looked up from his tea, thought about everything that Maud had said, and then nodded as he considered her words. What she had said made sense.

“Many years ago, perhaps thousands of years ago, the other side of The Scariest Cave in Equestria was probably a natural spring that trickled out of the rock. Over time, that trickle became a steady flow, and eventually a torrent. With the passing of time, that tiny little trickle that made its way through the rocks became the river that we see now.”

“And so, what you are saying is, change happens over time, and one little trickle can make a difference.” Tarnish smiled, his anger vanishing, and he gave the mare sitting close to him a loving, warm glance.

“Something like that.” Maud batted her eyelashes at her husband and something about her muzzle almost resembled a smile, if one was an imaginative sort. There was something in her eyes, some almost imperceptible glimmer, and as she looked at her husband, it intensified, becoming almost noticeable by the common mortal and ponies other than Pinkie Pie.

Change did happen over time, and Maud had changed.

The other end of The Scariest Cave in Equestria didn’t look very inviting either. With the sun obscured by heavy clouds, very little light shone into the yawning opening. The river was running fast today, the water whipped up into whitecaps as it spilled over rocks. A fetid breeze spilled out of the cave, the air current moving along with the flow of the river. It stunk of rotting vegetation… and worse.

The stench of rotting meat lingered in the breeze that blew over Maud and Tarnish’s faces. Water streamed down the brims of both Maud and Tarnish’s pith helmets. From deep within the cave, there was a roar, following by a yelping sound, both of which echoed from out of the entrance.

“Smells a bit like manticore breath,” Tarnish muttered as he sniffed. It was a smell that he was a bit too familiar with and it made him uncomfortable as the stench violated his nostrils.

The water going into the cave on the other end was clean, the water coming out was less so. Ribbons of slime oozed through the many currents, clumps of algae, and the shore of the river was littered with bones of all kinds.

Including, much to Tarnish’s concern, a pony skull. He stood, staring at it after he had noticed it, wondering what he should do with it. There were other skulls here as well, plus leg bones, ribs, and assorted pelvises.

“Look.” Maud pointed with her hoof.

Turning his head, Tarnish saw what Maud saw. A needler cactus. It was a good distance away, its needles glistening with venomous sap. Anything coming out of the cave might be confused and disoriented from the light, which meant that it might stumble right into the needler cactus’ deadly radius. It grew in the loose, pebble and bone strewn sand along the bank of the river. There were mesquite trees here too.

“Maud, watch out for those mesquite trees… those thorns are poisonous and if one gets into your frog, it’ll be a long trip to Baltimare.” Tarnish took in his surroundings, noticing some stranglesnatch and another needler cactus a bit further down the river. “Hey, Maud, have you noticed just how much it is like a desert here on the other side? Look around. Sand everywhere and even with the river, all of the vegetation is of a dry sort. I don’t think the water is very good.”

“I think you might be right. The water coming out of the cave might be alkaline or even toxic.” Maud stood in the rain, looking at all of the vegetation around her that was no doubt thankful for the water falling from the sky. “There is very little topsoil here. Almost everything is sand and gravel.”

“There’s soil up there,” Tarnish said, pointing over to a ridge.

“There is.” Maud looked over to where Tarnish had pointed. There was topsoil higher up, away from the river. “Tarnish, where we’re standing, I think the river floods its bed sometimes. Perhaps something in the water is dissolving the topsoil and leaving behind dead earth.”

“Yeah.” Tarnish nodded. “All I see is dead ground. It’s like a desert down here, but there is plenty of green stuff all around us and I can see black dirt around those exposed roots on that tree sticking out of the ridge over there.” When Tarnish moved, tiny bones, gravel, and sand crunched underhoof. He was mindful where he stepped and how he stepped, not wanting to get a sliver of bone or something just as nasty in his frog.

He moved closer to the cave entrance and thought of the ghastlies he had encountered, which made him shudder. Something in the shadows squished, there was a gurgle, and then a rude slurping sound. Tarnish froze in place, his ears straining. There was another gurgle, a slurp, and then a sizzling sound, like eggs frying in a pan with a bit of butter.

“Tarnish, move!”

Even as Maud spoke, Tarnish’s reflexes had already kicked in. He pronked, his long legs acting like springs, and he flew backwards. Right where he had been standing, a gelatinous blob of acid sizzled on the ground, dissolving the larger rocks and making them crumble, turning them into pebbles and sand.

He pulled his shield off of his back and held it up in front of him as Maud backed away, both of them mindful of the needler cacti in the area. Squinting into the darkness, he tried to see what was attacking them.

A long tentacle shot out of the cave entrance, it was a disturbing, oily looking purple green colour, covered in suckers, and it dribbled sizzling acid. It was as big around as Tarnish’s barrel. It whipped towards him, flinging droplets of acid. He raised his shield, which was struck by the droplets, and he could hear a horrible crackle. A bit of scrub grass was also hit by the acidic goo and it began dissolving.

As the first tentacle thrashed about, a second tentacle joined it. A deep, resonant flatulating sound could be heard within the cave. Something large and ominous lurked in the shadows of the entrance. Tarnish could see it, it resembled a large slug with two massive tentacles that sprouted from either side of it’s hideous, scolex-like maw. Acidic ooze dribbled from its wrinkled, raisin-like skin. Clots of goo that resembled large cheese curds plopped out of its flaccid, flabby folds as it writhed over the ground, emerging from the cave.

The cheese curd looking things wriggled and writhed on the ground, they were living things, parasites, and they flopped around, looking for another moist crack to settle in. The air was filled with a foul stench that reeked of vinegar and worse.

Tarnish and Maud, both seasoned adventurers, beat a hasty retreat and got out of there as quick as they could, mindful of the other dangers around them. Whatever the horrid, tentacled cave slug thing was, they wanted no part of it.

“Well, that was exciting,” Tarnish said as he glanced over at Maud. “I don’t think my asshole will be unclenching for the rest of the day.” He laughed at his own joke and gave his tail a shake to dislodge some water.

“The pucker factor was high.” Maud moved with swift-hoofed ease over the stony ground. “Your shield looks okay. It doesn’t seem to be damaged by the acid. Did you get any on you?”

“I think a few drops landed on my helmet.” Tarnish watched where he put his hooves as he scrambled over the stony ground. “I could hear the sound it made. I don’t think any got on my skin, I think I would have felt it if it did.”

“That thing was ugly,” Maud said in a very matter-of-fact sort of way.

“Maud…”

“Yes?”

“About that pucker factor…”

“What about it?”

“I bet there are some parts of you that are nice and tight right about now.”

“Oh, you have no idea, Tarnish. It would hurt you. All entry would be denied.”

As he trotted along, Tarnish let out a chuckle, he was in a great mood and quite happy to be alive at this point. He didn’t care that he was soaked to the bone, he didn’t care that it was raining, none of those things mattered. He was alive and able to fantasise about the snugness of Maud’s nethers, which was a wonderful, life affirming sort of thing to do after being attacked by a tentacled cave slug covered in mucus blob parasites that looked like pale yellow cheese curds.

Both ponies crested the ridge and saw their camp ahead of them, on the next ridge over. Both ponies came to a halt, their hooves stomping and squishing into the muddy earth. Even from here, it was easy to see that there were ponies, other ponies, resting under the awning. Tarnish squinted, trying to see, and he saw one grey pony and one white pony… a white pony with a shocking electric blue mane.

“Is that…?”

“I think it is,” Maud replied.

“I wonder how they found us…” Tarnish stopped squinting, turned his head, and looked at Maud, who stood beside him, drenched, and dripping.

Maud glanced at her husband. “We should go over there and find out.”

Author's Notes:

Wait for it...